Forum Replies Created
sensitiveFebruary 10, 2021 8:54 pm at 8:54 pm in reply to: Judge issues Permanente Injunction against NYS to enforce on Shuls #1947124
End of capacity limits doesn’t mean end of virus. Shuls need to (continue to) enforce mask-wearing and find ways to space people apart until everyone is vaccinated.
A school shouldn’t TELL a parent to medicate their child.
They should provide information about the difficulty managing the child’s behavior and any helpful details. If it’s occurring throughout the day or during specific subjects it may point to academic difficulty rather than a focusing issue, if it’s during recess and with peers it indicates issues with social skills. The more detailed the information the easier it will be for parents to give a snapshot of the problem to an evaluating professional.
Smacking a child for non-compliance is a leap towards trying to find a solution without actually knowing what the problem is. That kind of a “solution” can actually exacerbate the problem and cause mistrust with the child. Misbehavior is a call for help. The help a child needs might be better boundaries but not in the form of physical harm.
It should start with getting to the source of why a child is acting out in order to find a solution to rectify the problem.
There are a lot of misconceptions going on around here.
Covid19 doesn’t only affect the elderly or those with health conditions. That’s what was previously thought. There are now cases coming out of younger people with no health conditions whatsoever winding up on respirators. Stories of people in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s…, and even younger, r’l.
Please don’t be naive!
What will you lose by staying home?
What is a person risking by going out?!?!
There are articles posted on this site by frum doctors pleading with the public to stay home! Learning can be conducted over the phone or online, lahavdil, nichum aveilim, etc. There is a heter to daven b’ychidus. I don’t think people really fathom how serious this is.
As someone who grew up modern, I’d like to clarify something. Both modern and Yeshivish view marriage “as a lifetime thing”. The length of time one “dates” is not indicative of a difference in attitude towards the gravity of the decision.Though the dating style may be different, the attitude towards marital commitment is not.December 16, 2016 2:59 pm at 2:59 pm in reply to: At what age should someone purchase a burial plot? #1200012
Thanks for your replies.
I still don’t understand, though.
Does the merit of being buried in E’Y supersede in importance the merit of having tefilos recited at one’s kever (for the niftar)(acharei meah v’esrim shana)?
Does the impact on family and our need to daven at a loved one’s kever supersede the merit of burial in E’Y? Meaning, is meeting the needs of the surviving family and having tefilos recited at one’s kever more valuable than being buried in E’Y from a Torah perspective?
Sorry if I missed the response. I’m just not clear still.December 16, 2016 5:28 am at 5:28 am in reply to: At what age should someone purchase a burial plot? #1200004
Hijacking this thread for a related question.
Is it “better” to be buried in E’Y even if no one will come to daven at the kever or better in chutz l’aretz if some will daven at the kever?November 29, 2016 7:13 pm at 7:13 pm in reply to: Would I be a good fit for Sharfmans? (Description provided:)) #1196673
I did not go to Scharfmans, but very close friends and family of mine did.
The girls that I know that went there were from a more modern background or slightly frummer.
Most were active in NCSY and were looking for something frummer than modern.
They were much like you in background and commitment and chose to become more after spending a year in Israel.
The school is used to girls who are from a more modern background, so your involvements won’t shock them, though, like most sems, they don’t want the girls hanging out with boys in their free time. That being said, one of my friends met her future husband that year.
It’s a good program, but not heavily academic, like michlala is known to be.
Thank you so much!!
What an amazing summary!!
Does anyone know if there’s an issue playing with lego on shabbos?
Though kids usually select the pieces they want, they also move away the pieces they don’t, out of force of habit.
Also, once kids build items, they usually are intent on leaving it built as long as possible, and don’t want to dismantle it on shabbos.
Is there then an issue of boneh?November 15, 2016 10:52 pm at 10:52 pm in reply to: what if i think my bashert might not be what im looking for? #1192175
Too many questions here:
Is he interested in that way?
What’s his current involvement in learning?
What is his overall hashkafa in terms of lifestyle he wants to live (minyan, schools he would want to send his kids to, how he would want to raise them, etc.)?
These things can seem less crucial when you are just dating, but once married they can make a world of difference, if important to you. You have to trust and respect him religiously.
I think you need to ask more questions before seriously considering if he has potential or not.
Thank you so much!
??’?? ??? ?????? ?????? ????? ?????
That’s the word in the context of the sentence.
Does that help?November 3, 2016 1:53 pm at 1:53 pm in reply to: He broke up and I don't understand why? Guys, can you explain this behavior? #1189480
I think you are simplifying the rules about how to treat a convert.
Obviously, if a ger behaves poorly towards you, you don’t have to become a shmata and take it.
I believe the halacha is that a person is not allowed to remind a ger of his past and his family/religion of origin. That is what is considered Inui/suffering.
To say it is forbidden to have machlokes means that it would absolutely be impossible to be a spouse to such a person because every marriage has some machlokes. It’s the desire and willingness to work through them that maintains marriage.November 1, 2016 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm in reply to: He broke up and I don't understand why? Guys, can you explain this behavior? #1189453
Having issues with commitment does not mean a person does not WANT to get married.
It means a person MAY NOT be READY until they work through those issues WITH A THERAPIST. Many a well meaning person has tried to help their prospective mate to work through his/her fears. Only a competent therapist can effectively move the person forward.
Regarding the Rav, something sounds fishy. I have never heard of a rav refusing to speak to a person. The rav can say “I’m sorry, I’m not at liberty to disclose any information discussed with me” or something else. It sounds like he’s hiding behind his rav and refusing to give you his number (while stating the rav refused) because HE does not want you contacting the rav. It doesn’t matter what the reason is; him, you… what you need to know is that he shut the door. Even if it is about you, that doesn’t mean that others will have the same issue.
Most people we date are not going to be a source of information on the areas we need to improve upon. We have to be self reflecting enough to be able to recognize our shortcomings. If we lack this ability, it is our family, friends, or even a therapist who can offer some clarity.
Please, don’t spend another minute focusing on the past. It is only robbing you of your future.
You can opt to seek out and speak to his rav, but to what ending?
Nothing good can come from trying to convince someone to marry you. The rav doesn’t know you and could only share that one person’s perspective.
It sounds like the lack of other opportunities is causing you to focus on him; on the past.
Don’t let yourself get shackled by that.
Don’t wait for an email response.
Call the regional director and ask.
It’ll be too disorganized if people just drop in to help.
They need to know who is present and will want to know who you are before they’ll be ok with your attending.
You can offer to help with your particular chapter (your local community). Let the director know you are really interested in getting involved with kiruv and because of time/travel constraints, can only work with your local region. Be available even to do office work voluntarily to assist. It might help you get your foot in the door.
Anyone hear of the story of Hachiko?
It was a dog that became so famous for its loyalty and love of its owner, it’s story was published and a movie was made about it.
Born in 1923, the dog was adopted by an agricultural professor in Japan in 1924.
Every day the dog would walk on its own to the train station to meet its owner upon his return from work.
One year after being adopted the owner suddenly passed away. The dog continued its ritual of going to the station to meet and await its owner for nearly ten years until its own death.
A dog is not a lion.
Not all dogs are made alike.
Though I do think owners should respect fears that others may have, that does not mean that people should feed into their fears and allow themselves to “freak” every time they see a dog.
Caution is one thing, hysteria another.
Believe me, kids watch grown ups. When they see you freak out, they assume there’s a terrible danger nearby.
Animals have an amazing capacity to show love, tolerance, forgiveness, loyalty etc.
It would be such a shame to deprive oneself and children of this awareness and experience.
I teach my kids to always ask an owner if it is safe to pet the dog. They have learned to be cautious and not terrified.
The computerized test does more than diagnose.
It measures exactly how long a person’s attention span is, to the minute, and how figitty he is. This is more accurate and informative than through observation.
The fact that the test does not reflect daily activities or that it might be boring, which it is not (it is like a video game) is irrelevant to it being considered by professionals to be an accurate method of measuring the presence of ADHD.
I was so dismayed to see them as well, and taking up, what appeared to be, an entire block with a giant sign.
What I found almost as bad, though, was the yelling and screaming at them from frum yidden in front of gentile police officers.
It was such a chillul H’.
They (NK) are clearly on the wrong side of the matter, but IMO yelling at them won’t change anything.
Regarding the assertion that ADHD is overly diagnosed:
There is now a test available which can definitively diagnose whether a person has ADHD, what type (distracted, hyperactive, a mix), and the length of time of attention span.
A camera is strapped to a person’s head, sensors to their knees. They participate in a computerized test with geometric images flashing across the screen,
They are instructed to press the space bar when seeing a particular image (that resembles slightly another image on the screen as well).
This requires concentration.
Impulsivity is measured by the frequency of pressing the space bar unnecessarily (computer recorded). Hyperactivity is measured by figgiting in one’s seat (recorded by the sensors on one’s knees) and by head movements that are graphed by the camera strapped to one’s head). A digital image reveals greater head movements with hyperactive people.
The test also records attention span.
So, if you have a bad experience with a crutch that can help you walk, no one should use it?
Why do you think your experience will be true for everyone else??
I totally think you should share, as I think those who have had a positive experience should share.
What I take issue with is making it sound like it’s a poison.
I have seen both sides of the coin. I witnessed some side effects that were very undesirable. I also witnessed the terrible damage that spending years using alternative supports can have on a child. Truly, I don’t think medicine is ideal. But neither is being miserable, being kicked out of school, rejected by all of one’s peers and having a tumultuous home environment.
I don’t think that there’s one way that’s right or everyone.
All of the healthy living suggestions offered earlier in this thread are wonderful for all kids, and more so for kids with ADHD. But it’s naive to think that that would be enough for kids dealing with this unique challenge to a more extreme degree.
If a child can’t sit through bensching, how in the world is he going to sit through a therapy session?
I think managing naturally is the preferred route, but only if possible. It is not enough for everyone and I would want others to know that medicine is not evil and they should not be afraid to try. The improvement and positive impact on a child/person’s life and self esteem cannot be overstated.
There are some kids that can’t sit through shul.
They can’t daven.
They can’t even bensch.
Meds aren’t just for school.
It’s for life. To be able to function, relate to others, be able to sit long enough to hear what another has to say.
Please don’t discount the benefits of meds.
I’m not saying it solves every problem, but it can change life from a miserable “failing out of school”, having no friends one, to one of academic success and the beginning of building meaningful relationships with peers.
Stop thinking of it as poison.
You’re living in the dark ages.
You have to see it (the affect it can have on someone) to believe it.
Why is it dirtier this time of year?
I never noticed it before.
Does it last long?
I have to clean the spout/filter several times a day. The quality of the water is really starting to worry me.
I’m considering upgrading to a Brita or Pur faucet attachment. Does anyone have one or know anything about these?
I appreciate the posts and explanations.
You can ask others, but make sure the person really is qualified to give sound advice. If something doesn’t seem or feel right to you, own up to it.
Truly bad advice has been given leading to disastrous relationships.
Once the wedding’s over, all they’ll do is tsk if they hear of a broken marriage.
It’ll be you who suffers.
Take your time and be smart about your choices.
Do not ignore that little voice.
That just may be H’ nudging you in a particular direction.
He’s from Switzerland.
Am I imagining that I saw this story on this website?
No one else saw it???
It’s so great that you’re contemplating this, that it makes me want to paint a rosy picture. But let me be frank with you. If the thought of having a hard time finding a match following conversion causes you to question if it’s a good idea, then it may not be. Dating is unpredictable. People who have grown up in orthodox circles can have an easy time finding a mate or they can linger for years. No one can tell you if it will be hard or easy. I know women who’ve converted who found matches and women who are frum from birth who have not, as yet. There may be fewer opportunities, but then you only need one (the right one). It takes a huge amount of commitment to push through the challenges, which will not end with conversion and marriage. Finding the right schools for your kids, the right synagogue/shul, being accepted socially, all that can be fraught with difficulty. You must desire it so deep in your bones that nothing can allow you to sway. Because there will be so many things that will challenge you to do so, so often.
We’re not talking about fault.
We’re talking about capability, with or without assistance.
In some cases, help may be refused or simply not suffice to meet the needs of the child in that home environment.
This is not about fairness, fault or equal rights and opportunities.
This is about “can do” with or without help.
The OP did not provide enough information for anyone to properly respond (nor, do I think, we should).
This is a question for a professional from a social services-mental health facility to address.
It sounds like the OP is convinced this is a case of neglect whereas we, fellow CR visitors, do not necessarily agree.
What do you mean by “problem taking care of their children… Overly cluttered… And mentally/physically disabled”?
These terms are all too vague (and perhaps subjective).
They could be extreme or they could be minor.
“What makes the germs make us sick? I think it’s because they don’t take a bath. They’re the dirtiest things in the world.”
When I said amen to a bracha: “mommy, only men say a-men, girls say a-main”
Upon passing a church and seeing a big tzlav with yashka, one of my kids says “I’m scared mommy… On that church they have a hanged man…a dead man”.
I could not stop laughing!
I agree with rc and think you should still do it.
The simple answer to your question is no.
Maltreatment doesn’t justify return maltreatment. The appropriate response to maltreatment is either distancing oneself from the perpetrator (when one is able), “calling” someone out on his behavior (pointing it out), and/or reporting it.
Apologizing in this scenario seems counterintuitive because the rebbi wronged him. However, two wrongs don’t make a right. You need to hold your son accountable for his behavior while, at the same time, insisting that the school hold their rebbeim accountable for theirs.
The verbal abuse and chutzpah that you describe both seem to stem from inappropriate ways of managing/expressing anger. However, although they both seem related, your son is in school to learn, whereas the rebbi was hired to teach. I would point this out to the school to remind them that Torah is a living Torah, something to be embodied in our every day lives, not just learned/taught from a book.
Kids who are bullied do often report it, either to staff or their family. That’s why it’s incumbent upon adults to take it seriously and respond (which sends a message to bullies that victims have power just through reporting).
Lehavdil eleph alphei havdalos, look at Hamas. They work very hard to silence reporters because they know that the power to stop them lies in the word getting out of their evils acts.
I think the motivation behind the behavior has to be looked at.
If a child mismanages emotions, such as anger, by pushing another or verbally attacking another, then the school can recognize this and help the child by setting limits and modeling appropriate ways of responding (this is a teaching opportunity, not just for the classroom or that child, but for life and all the children).
On the other hand, if a child shoves or ridicules to demean and make themselves look special, then modeling would be of no help. The schools needs to take all reports seriously, and guide the child who perpetrated appropriately. The parents regardless, should be notified and encouraged with specific ideas of ways to intervene.
I completely disagree with the suggestion to help build the self esteem of the bully, as was suggested, by getting them a babysitting job. You’re going to put a bully in charge of other children? The best way to show compassion to a bully is by not allowing them to get away with it.
I think a lot of institutions profess to have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying, but fail to follow through with action. They treat physical altercations differently than verbal ones. A physical fight results in a sure fire phone call to parents and possibly stronger interventions, such as suspension from school/camp or the bus, time outs, etc.
Kids who verbally abuse others MAY be spoken to, at most. Their parents are not called nor are they suspended from school/camp or the bus. Why would they be motivated to stop?
I know this as fact as I have kids who have been on both sides; perpetrator and victim.
She was able to remember all chamishei chumshei Torah with one tune?
We get to the middle of Shemos and then the confusion starts.
I think anyone here who isn’t being treated for ADHD, has an immediate loved one being treated for it, or is treating others with it shouldn’t be commenting on this topic.
It sounds as foolish as me discussing surgery as a layman.
Bravo pizza in NYC.
Seriously crowded, but the pizza is DELICIOUS!
“my mouth is broken”
Sony wonderlab (it’s free and they have tons of computer gadgets you can try).
Math museum, spy museum, south street seaport…
I don’t think people say no generally because you have a close relationship with your kids. People say no because they think you have an unhealthy relationship with your kids or if you haven’t worked out how the other person will play a role in the lives of your kids and in developing a new family unit. The only kind of people who say no to someone close with their kids are the kinds of people who don’t really want to be with someone, lechatchila, who has kids.
I remember some of them…(the tehillim for a shidduch)
32, 38, 70, 71…
The last one, I’m not sure of. Maybe 124?
“you can’t just marry anyone, it has to be your bashert”.
How can you ever know if you’ve chosen your bashert?
Had Leah imeinu chosen hers, she would have wound up married to eisav!
Maybe it’s better to look for someone she would admire and share similar values with, rather than an elusive idea of a zivug chosen min hashamayim.
I once heard that it’s a good segula for shidduchim to say az yashir with extra kavana.
I think there are also five specific tehillim recommended to be said for forty days. I don’t recall which ones, though. Maybe someone else does.January 2, 2013 5:48 pm at 5:48 pm in reply to: how does Hashem want girls with good voices to use them? #917100
Refaeli was a VERY talented painter. He loved to paint and decided to use his talent to make money by sharing it with those who had an appreciation of (his) art.
Was he gaavadik because he knew he was good at it and decided he wanted to do that for a living?!?
How is that any different?
Men can Daven for the amud. They can share the beauty of their voices publicly. Why are they any less gaavadik?!?
There is nothing wrong with her recognizing what she is good at. It doesn’t mean her self esteem is built on that or that she thinks she’s any better than anyone else.
Is a teacher gaavadik because he’s good at teaching children? Would you insist that a teacher chose that profession because he liked hearing the sound of his own voice??
I don’t think most people would choose a profession with a low income just to hear the sound of their own voices.January 2, 2013 3:31 am at 3:31 am in reply to: how does Hashem want girls with good voices to use them? #917089
Your post sounds mean.
The choices are limited, but maybe she can use her talents to sing to a population that she feels she can inspire??
Newer Baalos teshuva in sems would love to learn nigunim, zmiros, davening, etc.
Children can be inspired by tapes about things they learn (it could be even math, English, davening, halacha,etc).
Some people learn auditorily. Songs can help people remember things. This could be an opportunity to use her gift to teach, if she’s so inclined.
I made up songs for my family for different tefillos, like Krias shma al hamittah, which helped them remember it and enjoy saying it, and for everyday tasks, including dressing, baths, etc. They love it, and I do too.
That sounds dangerous
Boiling water over your head? Not sure how that’s done.
The ayin hara sounds safer (obviously, just kidding).