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Viewing 50 posts - 51 through 100 (of 957 total)
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  • in reply to: How do I stop my wife spending??! #1177091
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Once a budget is agreed upon, I think you should divide the leftover dollars into two places:

    Discretionary spending money for each of you (for the occassional wants) and a savings account (for long term emergencies or anticipated expenditures) in a bank that’s not easily accessed, that you both agree upon.

    The portion of discretionary funds you each receive should be allowed to be spent without questions or evaluations. She wants a facial and has money? Her choice.

    You want tickets to a ball game or a new tie to add to the tons you have already? Your choice.

    in reply to: How do I stop my wife spending??! #1177089
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Make sure your budget is realistic. I don’t mean evaluate it yourself.

    Clearly you already think it’s realistic.

    It might be time to talk with others who can honestly help you understand not just household expenses, but the needs of a woman.

    Budgets that are not being followed may mean they’re not truthfully agreed upon.

    An extremely tight unforgiving budget can feel like prison to a woman. She might feel the need for a haircut, makeup, a new skirt, and the budget you’ve set up may not give her at least some of the freedom she feels she needs to take care of herself.

    A man’s assessment of a woman’s needs might be WAY off.

    Loving her means giving her what she needs to feel good about herself, within reason.

    It sounds like you need an outsider to help you figure out what “within reason” should mean.

    in reply to: Adult Bullies #988686
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I asked rabbi goldwasser how to respond to this supervisor who was maltreating me.

    I also thought to try to be nicer to her. Rabbi Goldwasser advised against it and suggested I keep my distance as much as possible.

    in reply to: Adult Bullies #988685
    mommamia22
    Participant

    RABBI AL

    I’m so sorry for that pain that you endured.

    It’s inexcusable.

    in reply to: Chillul Hashem on the school bus #915432
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I don’t think chillul H’ is limited to a school bus incident.

    Imagine if someone not Jewish comes across this website and reads these horrible insults. It would surely cause hatred. In fact, there was a recent post by someone named Tina, who, my guess, is that she is not Jewish, judging from her post.

    Mashachava, can you not imagine the reaction that your words would cause???

    in reply to: Chillul Hashem on the school bus #915431
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Mashachava

    Why don’t you truly ask yourself why your post was deleted, and why so many people objected to it.

    in reply to: Chillul Hashem on the school bus #915414
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Mashachava

    You talk about goyim like they’re stupid.

    Your post shows ignorance and hatefulness, none of which are an ohr lagoyim.

    in reply to: Dr. Benzion Kreiger Z.T.L. #915189
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear of his passing. He was a really nice man.

    in reply to: Adult Bullies #988673
    mommamia22
    Participant

    That “holier than thou” attitude was pretty common in my high school.

    There were girls who wouldn’t even acknowledge other girls, as though they were beneath them.

    You were “lucky” if you were deemed “worthy” of being spoken to.

    I also had a supervisor like that. She didn’t get along with anyone and was eventually demoted to a non-supervisory position. It was really gehenom to work with her.

    in reply to: Bechira/free will #914633
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I ask because I feel really angry at this young man who murdered these little first graders, and yet, I wonder if he’s even deserving of anger.

    in reply to: Chillul Hashem on the school bus #915397
    mommamia22
    Participant

    This behavior is NOT limited to the bus.

    I’m aware of extremely nasty behavior on the part of yeshiva boys (and not from one yeshiva).

    This is a very pervasive problem.

    Just because it escalated only now to the point of a driver feeling the need to call the cops doesn’t mean there aren’t tons of incidences where kids’ behavior has gotten really out of hand. This one just made the news.

    in reply to: Chillul Hashem on the school bus #915394
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I agree there should be an adult monitor on the bus.

    A driver who needs to focus on the road can’t give proper attention. I imagine it must be very stressful to be a driver, having to keep to a very tight schedule with unpredictable traffic, tardy parents/kids, and deafening noise and chatter.

    If a child throws something out a window and it hits someone, into whose hands is the liability placed??

    Probably the bus company.

    To a certain degree mischief is part of childhood. Isn’t there a story about the Chafetz Chaim when he was a little boy that he and some friends filled the buckets of the water carrier at night (as a practical joke) so in the morning it would be frozen? Immediately after he had tremendous regret and did teshuva.

    I think what’s relevant is the misbehavior, chutzpah and mischief keep going. There’s no internal accountability and ineffective external accountability.

    We’ve failed to teach our children what it means to be good people and that it’s important all the time.

    Maybe we don’t know either.

    in reply to: Chillul Hashem on the school bus #915384
    mommamia22
    Participant

    All those behaviors you mentioned seem pretty horrible to me. Just screaming out the window is not mentchlech and becoming of a yeshiva child. Making fun of someone who looks or is different (litvish as opposed to chassidish, heavy, thin, etc) reflects, in my opinion, the intolerance that pervades our community at large. If we can tolerate throwing rocks or yelling obscenities at those who are different, how can we actually expect our kids to be different. They don’t see us or hear us??

    How do we act towards our spouses?

    I’ve heard of pretty awful bullying in schools and camps, chutzpah towards teachers, etc..

    How should this be dealt with??? Discipline and our chinuch system are not making a long term impact.

    in reply to: Yeshivish Lite? #916662
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Hi Aurora

    Thanks!

    I look forward to your comments

    in reply to: Yeshivish Lite? #916660
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Aurora

    Lol 🙂

    Sam2

    I don’t get how someone can be VERY yeshivish but still watch tv. The two seem mutually exclusive.

    in reply to: Kashrus observance #914609
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Thanks

    in reply to: mental health and the frum community #933965
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Rebdoniel

    Did they teach you about the DSM in your psyc class??

    There are very specific criteria that allow mental health professionals to diagnose. Your information is incorrect.

    in reply to: mental health and the frum community #933956
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Therapists don’t dish out advice. That’s a misnomer.

    in reply to: Anyone here cook with a grill pan, how on earth do you clean it? #914126
    mommamia22
    Participant

    You can try easy off spray. Leave it on for a bit and scrub it off. It comes off more easily.

    Alternatively, you can soak it in scalding hot water and soap and use Brillo with or without soap to scrub it. Brillo works better than a soft sponge.

    Make sure you also let the hot water cover the edges when it soaks or those areas will be harder to clean.

    in reply to: Tehillim for Noah Pozner a'h #913717
    mommamia22
    Participant

    yytz

    I love that last line.

    in reply to: The Weberman Trial By 5TJT Staff (this brought tears to my eyes) #913498
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Ben Levi

    You’re really defending spitting and throwing bleach?!?!?!?!!!?!?!!?!??!!

    I think we have cherem for that.

    Besides, his “so called” crimes were to try to expose abusive behavior. Whether you agree with the assessment as abusive is irrelevant. Throwing bleach and spitting is animal-like behavior and shouldn’t be tolerated in any community.

    in reply to: Any suggestions for a new chumrah #1089066
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Remember that comment that you made about rav Moshe, zt’l, and how Torah protects kinderlach outside the house??

    I think there was much more to what Rav Moshe was saying.

    Otherwise how could we have lost such a pure innocent neshomah like the one we lost a year and a half ago???

    There must be more.

    I think it’s more important to make sure you’ve learned properly whatever you’ve learned (your thoughts) before correcting your actions.

    Actions stem from thought. If the thoughts are corrupt or twisted, so the actions will be too.

    in reply to: WAKE UP!! Our Yeshivas & Schools Are Open To The Public!! #913728
    mommamia22
    Participant

    A sheep

    Better “starving” than c”v dead.

    I doubt any rebbeim would think twice about extra security if the risk seemed real.

    in reply to: Frum Communities #967418
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Shmendrick

    “…no Jewish child could have gotten hurt in front of his apartment.”

    And what of the Fogel family???

    Was their Torah learning and mesiras nefesh not a shmirah for them?!?!

    in reply to: Grad schools for OT #913377
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Downstate/SUNY

    in reply to: WAKE UP!! Our Yeshivas & Schools Are Open To The Public!! #913723
    mommamia22
    Participant

    A security guard can walk away to use the bathroom. He, also, may not be able to monitor all the entrances that allow access into a school. I agree with your suggestion, but it isn’t foolproof alone.

    I think schools have to have multiple layers of protection including security cameras with buzzers and guards.

    in reply to: Chanukah Party #912644
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Chanukah jeopardy (trivia), Pin the shamash on the menorah…

    You can also check out the website chinuch.org

    They have extensive lists of activities and games on various topics including chagim. You just need enough time to go though it.

    in reply to: Why Hasn't YWN Reported The Webberman Trial? #912195
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I also question why this website did not post at least basic information about a perpetrator in our community. The fact that this man was caught does not mean that the danger is over. It shows how easily children can fall prey and have their experiences go undetected. It could have been used as an opportunity to educate people about practicing safe behaviors and monitoring children and their contacts.

    I think it far more relevant to report on that (which in it’s totality affects the klall) than to let us know about a possible diagnosis of Parkinson’s that Ostreicher might be suffering from.

    in reply to: 1 in 10 girls will not get married #913408
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I think it shows a lack of bitachon. How many women have I heard lament that the men just aren’t committing???

    Frankly, it’s time for some introspection.

    It just can’t be that the entire male population has the problem.

    These statistics also breed hopelessness and may cause some to give up. That is not our way.

    in reply to: 1 in 10 girls will not get married #913400
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I never saw it, but I’d like to believe it’s “…will CHOOSE not to marry”.

    I think we’re given choices and we sometimes prefer not to choose from amongst what’s available and offered

    in reply to: Rebbes Affectionate with Children #1055836
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Iced

    I think you need to attend a Magenu seminar. I think you’d change your perspective pretty quickly after hearing what they have to say.

    in reply to: Rebbes Affectionate with Children #1055822
    mommamia22
    Participant

    There is no reason a child would need to sit on a teacher’s lap.

    A teacher can comfort and assist a child from the next chair.

    Teachers should show concern and care with their attention and words, not their hands.

    The only time it’s appropriate is if they are trying to teach a skill (using scissors) that might require some hand over hand assistance and guidance.

    Holding a younger child’s hand to offer reassurance or direction might be ok, but is truly unnecessary for a child older than preschool.

    Why is this an issue for you?? Are you in chinuch and feel that things can easily be misconstrued??

    Sitting on a teacher’s lap is a whole other ball game. I think with the prevalence of inappropriate behavior that’s been publicized, it’s not uncalled for that teachers need to be extra cautious.

    in reply to: first baby…advice?!! #1019210
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I actually liked the bathtubs that can accommodate different ages (sling, laying, sitting). Wet babies are incredibly slippery and hard to hold on to. It’s much easier and in my opinion safer to be able to lay your baby down reclining and rinse them. If the seat back seems too hard, you can always put a washcloth or small hand towel in to line the tub underneath them.

    You’re going to want to look at the safety record of car seats before buying. There are websites that list these records for popular brands for the last few years.

    Don’t go by recommendations of others. Safety records can change year to year. When we checked (a few years ago) Graco had a fantastic safety record for years and years and was very economical. Still, you need to check the last few years.

    A pump (I liked medella; they use similar ones in the hospital) is extremely useful.

    Using a pump helps the milk flow and is one of the ways you’ll be able to get more rest. This will allow others to take over a shift or two to give you a break.

    We used a bassinet in our room for the first few months. They have ones with wheels that can be moved anywhere in the house. This is a real lifesaver when you want your baby nearby. They can sleep in swings too, but it requires picking them up and moving them mid-nap.

    Choose your furniture carefully.

    We opted for white nursery furniture which, unfortunately, really isn’t suitable for older children (and won’t fetch much second hand if we were to sell it).

    Try to get things that are “timeless” and can be used for all ages (newborns through early adulthood).

    in reply to: Gerim needs a place to learn #911033
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Do you know of Rabbi Fund in Brooklyn?

    I think he might be able to help guide you. He’s accustomed to dealing with people from different backgrounds.

    in reply to: first baby…advice?!! #1019196
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Graco for car seats.

    Baby jogger for strollers.

    Check out epinions.com or consumer reports for evaluations of products.

    in reply to: We dont have a shidduch crisis we have a Shadchanim Crisis! #909514
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I think we have guidance crisis.

    in reply to: Boots Wielding Women #911193
    mommamia22
    Participant

    If calling attention to the body with fashion is untzniusdik, then we must rule out other things as well.

    Let’s rule out snoods with sequins, tichels with gems that shine, anything pretty for that matter.

    Let’s wear black tichels, black clothing….

    As a matter of fact, how about we encourage young women in the parsha of shidduchim to do that?? Don’t dress attractively. It may be like wielding a knife if you do. Dress ugly and hope for the best.

    in reply to: Boots Wielding Women #911171
    mommamia22
    Participant

    You guys have too much time on your hands…..

    in reply to: Things Kids Said/Did #1185322
    mommamia22
    Participant

    “Clown fish live in the ocean…. In an m, n, m, n, m, n, nee”

    in reply to: What to wear on first date #910427
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Popa

    GREAT advice and well written!

    Loca

    I totally agree

    in reply to: I need some perspective #908693
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I think the expectation is to be treated fairly and equally. Helping one child financially and not another appears like favoritism.

    in reply to: I need some perspective #908683
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Your reaction is very human. It sounds, though, like you’re making judgements about them.

    When i read shmiras halashon, a lesson a day, i found that i was less upset with the behaviors of others. Somehow, it helped me be dan lekaf zechus. Maybe that would help you, if your ultimate goal is to accept and move beyond this.

    I think if you have no choice you can go in that direction. I’m not so sure you can’t work this through, though.

    If you want to try to understand it, I would ask yourself these questions:

    What’s your husband’s “take” on the situation (is he equally as upset? Why or why not?)

    Why do you think they give to the other siblings and not you and your husband?

    Have you ever asked them for money or help? Maybe the others do, which would explain why they have been helped and you have not.

    It sounds like your effort to be self reliant is breeding resentment.

    Do you think you might be expecting them to realize you’re struggling when they might be completely unaware?

    in reply to: Guys, girls- things NOT to do or say on a date #908075
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Be selective with jokes (nothing passive aggressive). I once went out with someone who quipped when I was a bit late coming down to greet him “do you want me to go back to Jersey and come back?” (meaning, you took forever). It was obnoxious and rude. I shouldn’t have kept him waiting, but his poor humor made an awful impression.

    in reply to: Brooklyn agencies for OTD teens #907112
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Thank you. I’ll pass along the information.

    in reply to: Do sems mainly look at your reports? #907387
    mommamia22
    Participant

    A lot depends on the type of seminary you are applying to. Some are very academically oriented, and therefore, will seek out students with top grades who they know can handle the curriculum. Others are more focused on hashkafah and molding their students and would more carefully consider girls with good reputations as well as the academic portion.

    in reply to: Brooklyn agencies for OTD teens #907110
    mommamia22
    Participant

    A friend of mine is asking….

    She wants to know what’s out there.

    in reply to: Date places in Midtown Manhattan #907077
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Sony wonderlab

    Museum of technology. It’s free and really fun, but it’s best to reserve tickets in advance.

    in reply to: Awkward Situation with Sensitive Information #907029
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I think it would be an absolutely horrible mistake not to follow up with someone about this.

    Life with a person with serious issues can be pretty horrible, and sometimes nearly impossible to extricate oneself from. Do not do nothing. Only someone who’s never suffered would say that.

    You, because of your history with her, should not be the one to get involved directly if there’s an issue. However, if you suspect a problem, I’d suggest letting someone you truly trust who is an objective Halachik authority decide on the next move. The one exception to this is you might need to consider where you’ve gotten this information from and how reliable it is when you speak with a rav and give him that information.

    in reply to: Awkward Situation with Sensitive Information #907019
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Verify this information, ask a rav or the shmiras halashon hotline, and have someone else tell (not you/ it would look like you have an ulterior motive and might not be received).

    in reply to: Becoming Chareidi #903699
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Rebdoniel

    Your feelings of distress only come from your lack of awareness of how beneficial it is. NCSY creates an atmosphere that encourages youth to see Yiddishkeit as something alive and promotes interest in spiritual growth. Why would you deny that to kids from a MO background?? They do not push a chareidi lifestyle, per say. They expose kids to excitement about being frum. It’s up to the kids to chart their own path. The advisors are merely available to provide information. They do not push their own hashkafah on the kids.

Viewing 50 posts - 51 through 100 (of 957 total)