binahyeseira

Thanks for the laugh!!!

ramateshkolian

One of those things that most people are aware of, but nobody has the guts to do anything about…

Is it my imagination, or are there only real-life examples and horror stories to go along with the “negetive” sholom bayis thread, and nothing to inspire those of us reading the “positive” sholomo bayis thread?

Nobody’s got a good example to go along with all the advice?

Something about how a couple overcame a communication stuggle/differences in chinuch approach/general life challenges without ending up in beis din?

I’m single, and I’m trying to beleive that there are still some nice marriages out there. Anyone?

I guess we’re basically in agreement, then, that it’s a matter of judgement.

Not a Tznius issue at all.

Common among cancer patients who get addicted to different painkillers even once they’re in remission. Usually docs/nurses are aware of these risks and are trained to see the warning signs. Otherwise, I don’t know of such a situation.

SJSinNYC

Thank you for giving the source upon which you base your arguments. I look forward to reading this sefer.

SJSinNYC

SJSinNYC

Like I said, nobody is innocent here. The same One who commanded men to keep themselves in check when walking in the streets, told the women to maintain a Tznius standard according to halacha when going outside.

He’s the Designer of man, woman, tempation, tznius-all of it. He would know what would work.

Good luck to all of us.

to really smile and smartcookie

Why, are women so afraid to accept responsibility here??? Why do most women get so cynical, overly defensive and all worked up when the subject is brought up?

Any thoughts?

One more point for those of you who keep saying that “men shouldn’t look”-you are 100% right. Men shouldn’t look.

But they are human beings, and that is why the halachos of Tznius in dress for women were put into place.

Because when hormones and heritage are in conflict, guess who wins?

Both genders have their work cut out for them. Let’s not give any of ’em more credit or criticism than they deserve.

In a perfect world there wouldn’t be internet, period. In a better world there would be internet with no chat rooms. We live where we live so I think the gedolim are happy when we’re on YWN and not elsewhere.

Personally, I’m happy my sensitivities to Tznius haven’t dulled yet to a point where I don’t see anything wrong with this. Unfortunately, other people’s have.

edited

My advice: Do your very best to sceen what comes through your door (obviously, on an age-appropiate level)and run a tight ship while they’re young.

But once they get a little older-old enough to go behind your back if they want to (this has to do if s/he is old enough, not if s/he is rebellious), its time to TALK TO YOUR KID.

Think about it. They spend their entire early childhood, picking up subtle hints that there are some Big Bag Stuff out there which their parents are hiding from them/protecting them from.

Since you are human, you understand that the curiosity only escalates when they get a little older and have a vague idea of what the Big Bag Stuff is. So, they want to go ahead, and check it out for themselves out of pure curiosity.

Explain, yes-explain to your child what is it that you are trying to protect him/her from. And don’t try to be vague, because at this point they are very curious. Your job is to inform them and eliminate the curiosity.

The older the kid, the more you need to tell them. Exactly. You should tell them what the problem is with XYZ (you fill in the blanks). It needs to be worth their while to struggle with the temptation, and it’s your job to make the repercussions crystal clear, so they should be willing to forgo the short-term pleasure.

So when they are approached by a friend or whoever and invited to join in watching/reading/doing something they shouldn’t. A lot of the curiosity isn’t there. Not all, but a lot.

I WILL say that so much here depends on saying the right thing to your kid. Otherwise you haven’t accomplished anything.

And pray to God that you have instilled in them the necessary values to appreciate your arguments.

And I meant that literally. Go ahead, take a few minutes, and pray to God.

Kavod HaTorah

Why do you think the house should be set up this way? You “set up” things in a certain way for a reason, don’t you?

OMG, when I first posted the example of the garbage, I was positive that everyone would understand how ridiculous it is….it takes all kinds, I guess.

Funny, though, how the bigger the gadol, the less of a problem the whole garbage thing is.

Anyone who feels that he cannot take out the garbage because it’s not Kavod for him: In yiddish they say, “Meigst zich sheimen”. (Shame on you.)

kavod hatorah

No kidding…My question was-why would your learning status have anything to do with whether or not you should take food stamps?

If you need it, you need it. Kollel or not.

Please explain this question.

What does being in kollel have to do with food stamps?

binahyeseira

I believe that when it comes to particular techniques and tips on working on middos-everyone finds something else that works for them.

Personally, when it comes to anger, the best thing that works for me was programming my mind to realize that every disappointment/aggravation comes from Hashem. Once this is REAL in your mind, but seriously real, anger management is much easier. Try getting angry then. It’s much harder.

Hatzlacha!

Yes, there are. Tznius itself is a middah, though.

And now for those of you who are approached for forgiveness…..

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

The other friend replied:

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE.

If ur talking about popping a Prozac whenever your’re having a bad hair day or whatever (like half the population unfortunately does these days) I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. You don’t need to tell the shadchan, just the guy you’re dating.

But if you have a real mental disorder, it makes sense to tell the shadchan, so a guy can decide if he’s interested in dating you in the first place.

Don’t worry, bashert WILL want to marry you and he’s the only one who really counts.

Es macht mentchen dizzy ven men leint yiddish geshriben in english.

Not a gr8 idea.

Oich, ess ken gein oif de nerven fin de mentchen vos farshtein nisht vos ihr shreibt.

Thats two reasons to stop the thread.

On the other hand, I don’t know yiddish, so I am just approving them

one of the chevra

I’m new @ the coffee room do i dont know what your deal is, but I’ve heard ppl say that b4 and they WEREN’T kidding…

If Hashem wanted to, He could of just made it a halacha that women can only wear black.

It’s an constant challenge for women to look good within the boundaries of tznius.

Rikki, I hope you remember that none of us have any professional experience in dealing with OTD teens. So this is just our thoughts on the situation, but please don’t make any serious decisions about dealing with this based on our opinions.

I will have you and your brother in mind when I daven, though, and that’s a lot more practical than than trying to advise you based on personal experience with OTD siblings(which I happen to have…). Cuz one thing is for sure-no two situations are alike.

Hang in there and talk to Hashem (and friends, of course)when things get hard…

Good Luck and Good Shabbos!