oomis

it recalled the concept of chessed as something that has no ????? — something we should do without calculating. “

Nice point.

Shlishi, I always use to get the same drivers on the bus or train, given that i took the same route every day. I always said good morning. That resulted in a bus driver who already had begun to drive off, stopping several yards down the block, when he saw me in his side mirror, crossing the street trying frantically to catch the bus. He recognized me, and was kind enough to stop for me. I flashed him a most grateful smile. And nothing more.

*I say false because you yourself set the parameters here being whether she actually needs the help or not. “

Exactly.

BTW, my hubby and I went for a walk early this morning on a boardwalk, and saw an elderly woman with a walker, trying to get up a short staircase to her assisted living facility, which opens onto the boardwalk. I immediately asked her if she needed help getting both herself and her walker up the stairs, and opening the gate. My husband helped her, because I have a hand injury, and could not have held her had lost her balance and begun to fall. B”H she was able to get up the stairs, and he opened the gate for her. Basically he was a “spotter” for her, just in case.

Should he not have offered the help, and should she not have accepted? And it has nothing to do with age. Real tznius is for ALL ages. So is real seichel. And more important, real menschlechkeit.

@oomis You think she was doing something wrong by refusing my help? What is your basis for that? You certainly can’t prove anything from the donkey halacha.’

In order for a chessed to be done, there are two partners, the doer of the chessed and the one for whom it is done. She lost out on her chelek in being the recipient of your chessed, and though machashava k’maiseh, you nonetheless did not actually get to do this particular chessed,one which immediately called to mind the helping of a stanger to get his animal upright. Sorry you don’t get the analogy of a donkey to a mere stroller. Both carry burdens, and a woman may not be strong enough to get the stroller, packages, and baby up a staircase. The fact that she said no, bothers me.It bothers me more that after the fact you thought she was correct in doing so, when she apparently needed help.

If a woman needs assistance and a man can help her, assuming there is no intent on his part to do harm, she is foolish to refuse the help. I don’t need to know chapter and verse to support why I feel that way. Clearly despite your protestations, YOU felt that way, too, since you OFFERED TO HELP HER!!!!!!! Why would you, if you innately believed it to be assur and untzniusdig? In the moment, you obviously were not thinking of anything other than helping someone with a difficult burden.

It was unquestionably impolite and very chutzpahdig to do this. There is IMO nothing wrong with a limo however, as long as someone is willing to foot the bill for it. The chosson’s best friend usually makes the arrangements and asks other close friends (and ONLY them), if they would like to chip in tzu shteier for it. My son has always taken this task upon himself to make the arrangements for ALL his close friends, and covers whatever portion is not chipped in, and that is his wedding present to the couple. Just about EVERY Yeshivish couple in his chevrah has enjoyed this gift, and all the friends are happy to contribute to it.

The chosson and kallah are usually exhausted from the wedding, and the limo makes them truly feel like the melech and malka that they are supposed to be on their wedding day. And while I personally went back to my apartment with my new husband, in our clunker of a car, the times they are a-changin’ (and if I had it to do again, I would possibly LOVE to have gone to a hotel in a shiny white limo). BTW, some pretty unmentionable things also happen in people’s apartment buildings and in their very own soon-to-be-filled-with-kedusha apartments as well, from the former tenant’s who lived there (much like the former hotel guests who rented the room). Kedusha is what YOU can bring to a place that has none to begin with.

If you do not want to go in a limo, then by ALL MEANS do not do it. But don’t run to ascribe goyishe zachen to a very nice and thoughtful gesture on the part of the friends of the newlyweds. I do agree 1000% that it was a tacky and rude thing to approach guests for money at the wedding. This is usually discussed with the friends in advance of the wedding. Kids can be quite thoughtless sometimes. What a shocker!

oomis: I’m unsure what you are responding to. As I noted, I think a man should offer to help a woman struggling with a burden, or struggling with an overloaded donkey. “

Sorry – I thought I was pretty clear. It was nice of you to offer to help her, nothing wrong at ALL and in fact the Torah mandates helping someone with a burden (azov taazov imo, no?)to lift up the animal who has fallen down. Certainly a woman with a stroller and small children would be more in need than a donkey (or at least as much). I think she was out of line to refuse your help (unless she thought you looked a little skeevy, in which case, she was being prudent). But if she was refusing youer help out of what I believe is a misguided uber sense of tznius, then she was wrong. She cut her nose of to spite her face, I don’t think it is nothing for anyone to think her meritorious.

Goyim were absolutely given Chochma. They were NOT given Torah.

Instead of concerning ourselves with what is ON our heads, let’s be concerned with what goes on INSIDE them. And ftr, we should be happy to see any Jewish male whose head is covered to show he is a Yid, because he has Yirah Malkah.

Are we allowed to name names? This sounds as though there is tachlis – to help in not hiring such photographers. “

I wouldn’t do it on a public forum. If however, someone asks me b’ferush if I have heard of “Photog XYZ” and want a recommendation, then I would give him a wreckommendation, all right, but solely because he was extremely dishonest with us, not because of the poor quality of the other guy’s work whom after all I did not hire (and I have no idea who the other guy was anyway).

These are my two cents. Some rabbonim are intutitive, sensitive, and sensible, caring people, and can be of great help to a couple having Sholom Bayis problems. Some rabbonim, know a great deal of Torah, but fall short in the areas needed to show sensitivity, intuition, caring and good sense. Not every man who has smicha can be a marriage counselor, just as not every MD can be a neurosurgeon. One has to have the “chush” or feel for it, and if he does not, he should have the seichel and humility to admit that both to himself and to the couple seeking his help, and send them to someone who really CAN be of help, even if it might be another rov.

Wow, oomis! Just cash in on all those points and you & all your daughters can retire!”

Halevai auf mir gezugt!!!!!! (That’s all the Yiddish I know).

Thanks, NOMTW and Curiosity.

“I fully agree that a husband has to be able to provide for rent,health insurance,tuition,etc. However a lady has to be clear does she want a Ben torah or does she want a Lawyer or a Doctor or even better just say “significant” money.”

There is no cotradiction in being both. Moshe Rabbeinu was the first leader of the Jewish nation, and he was also a Supreme Court Judge. Rambam was a physician. Rabbi Yehudah Hanasi was an extremely wealthy man. Were any of them corrupt? Did they follwo the Torah? Some of the finest Bnei Torah in my community are doctors and lawyers, and they regularly give shiurim in my neighborhood. Your comment wants further reflection, IMO.

Natfush: “All” ?????? ?? ???? did was greet men on the street. Her being described as a chatterbox was a result of her greeting everyone. And we see where it led her.

Isn’t it AMAZING that a chatterbox was the daughter of a man whose name means “talker?” It’s reminds me of something Jerry Seinfeld once said,”When you name a boy Jeeves, It’s pretty much a done deal that he will grow up to be a butler.”

The photog who did my daughter’s wedding exactly six years ago, messed up and defrauded us as well. He sub-contracted our wedding to a cheaper photographer (an inferior one), who not only did not provide what we paid for, but failed to videotape much of the chuppah, leaving out a very key portion of it, my son-in-law’s friends’ singing under the chuppah to the chosson and kallah. But hey – he DID give me 15 unnecessary minutes of a musician playing the keyboard (without showing the dancing that was going on at that time).

This photographer was a frum guy, so one cannot argue he was inexperienced with chuppahs. The one with whom we originally contracted to do the job, decided to take a more lucrative job on the West Coast, but never informed us of that fact. The person he hired to sub for him was in no way even remotely of the quality that we had seen in the work of the one we hired. It was gneivas daas, and we had every right to bring himn to a Din Torah, but we didn’t. The final product was a very poor job, not edited well, if at all, and the pictures were inferior compared to the people we had hired for our son’s wedding. This time around, our mechutan had been led to believe this guy was the best thing since sliced bread. As far as I am concerned – the photographer’s toast.

I think the “Good Shabbos”ers have it.

Yep.

I am the non-working relative who babysits for my grandchildren. My pleasure. Not everyone has a Bubbysitter, and in that case, must rely on a babysitter. Unless you are paying your friend (and more important, trust her with your child), don’t keep asking someone you know to watch your kids. It becomes a tircha, and unless you reciprocate by taking THEIR kids, they come to feel used.

He can marry a widow, and he can marry someone who was not married previously. I don’t see the kasha. If you are a kohein and divorced, may you meet your bashert soon.

Let me get this straight – since I admit to my ignorance freely. If a cow is treif (meaning that l’chatchilah is cannot be shechted as a kosher animal), does that make the milk unkosher? I can see that an animal might be unkosher for some technicality and be called treif(which I always thought referred to something found that rendered the animal unfit for kosher consumption, as taruf means torn apart or prey), but its milk is from an intrinsically kosher animal, and it is not yet shechted, so why shoukld there be any question on its milk? the meat, yes, but the milk? There is a huge difference between an animal that is a “lo tehorah” and a “treifah.” Even if a mare were l’havdil slaughtered with a chalaf by a shochet, the meat (and milk) would never be kosher. But a cow is a tehora. Why should its milk be affected halachically by an injury that renders it unfit for shechita/kosher consumption?

I would leave the vent open for boiling noodles, to avoid boilover. The lid you describe is a GREAT idea. I usually have to leave th cover slightly askew to achieve that same result. ALways use a BIG pot for pasta, ebcause you need to cook it in sufficient water and have enough room for the noodles to expand. Covering the pot keeps the water temp higher.

Now to get back ON topic – this IS scary stuff. i really thought that a mezuzah was a shmirah against such things, and now you are saying, NO?

I thought with mezuzos on the doors, sheidim cannot get in.

and they think youre a boor for wishing it to them. see how this goes in a circle? “

Since when do I care what a boor thinks of me? Hevei makdim KOL ODOM b’sholom. And let him learn a little something about good manners and common menschlechkeit while he’s at it.

DD, well-said. I amend my view slightly to incorporate your definition.

The Shabbos that wishing ANYONE a Good Shabbos is considered pritzus, is the day I consider the person who considers it thus, to be a little overboard. No one has to engage in conversation with people they don’t know, or people of the opposite gender,if they are uncomfortable or believe it to be untzniusdig. But, wishing someone, anyone, GS is simply that, wishing a GS. Anyone who does not respond to that GS wish, is a boor.

“Hiyo Silver!”

All That Glitters (oh, wait, I think that IS someone’s name already)

Sterling Qualitiy

Sterling Reputation

I eat cholov stam also. But when the milk cartel prices were being busted by C”Y companies like Goldman’s, I bought C”Y (milk only) as a way of showing hakoras hatov to them for trying to lower the prices.