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Oats are definitely one of the five grains.You misspeak.
“and most importantly, they do not naturally contain gluten.”
You like many others, have a slight bit of misinformation. The jury is still out on this one. Many specialists believe that oats can contain gluten, and not all of them agree that it is safe for someone who has celiac to eat oat-based foods. It is possible that SMALL amounts of oats may be permissible. Or, it is possible that a certain TYPE of oats or oat product may be safe to eat in small quantity. Buit it is not a blanket statement. And it is always preferable to see a “gluten free” label on the item, to be sure.
Money talks and the poor guy walks. Always been that way, and apparently always will. Sad, though, because it is the older single girl who does not have that money who really needs that extra measure of help in finding a shidduch.
Smoking is bad. It stinks. It kills. It wastes money that could be put to far better use. I hate smoking. HOWEVER – until a law is passed (as I have heard it appears to have been in some places) that prohibits someone from smoking at a bus stop on a public street, none of us has any say in the matter.
NASI never said most can. DY isn’t NASI.”
FTR, I did not accuse NASI of that – I was responding to DY alone. However, that being siad, NASI certainly comes across as being of the belief that most girls can raise that type of cash on what appears to be a moment’s notice. If that is not NASI’s intention, then they have gone about this in a less than ideal way.
Thanks, Coffee Addict.
My daughter went to Michlalah. My friend’s daughter went to D”B. I would pick D”B if I had it to do over again. If you want to
contact me off-list to hear my reasoning, the MODS have my permission to give you my e-mail address.
Most can. As for those who can’t, you’re invited to raise money; I’m sure NASI will take your donations and sponsor those who can’t afford it (contact NASI to verify, I’m just guessing).”
DY, you are making assumptions that you have no right to make. No one has the right to look in other people’s pockets to see what they can or cannot afford. And no one is raising money for other people’s shidduchim (at least not on a regular basis), because they are possibly already supporting their married children, donating to hachnossas kallah general funds, supporting yeshivos and/or paying tuition, etc. They are not looking to spot an older single girl (or the MANY that exist) $10K to pay her shadchan in advance, and it is a little naive (or maybe you were just being a little cavalier)to suggest that as a response to Modern’s pertinent comment.
Were you honestly pleased with those “takanos”? (I’m wondering, if you are, how you manage to post here without internet)?.
Of course I was not pleased. I thought that in the case of Lipa Schmeltzer especially, it was unwarranted. But these same rabbonim have the power to make a meaningful takana, if they already feel the need to do so in other areas. Why are shidduchim any less important that a music concert?
BPT…”(myself included) who are ready to think out of the box, and a girl without a seminary pin on her lapel is just as interesting (and in many ways, more so) than the girl that “did her year”. (quote)
Good to know.
How old is she, 19 or 29? If the former, leave her alone, and she will date when she is ready. If the latter, then you need to assess why she doesn’t want to get married (i.e., has she lived through a bad parental role model of their marriage). For a frum girl, that is a very unusual way to feel at that point in her life.
Shidduchim are ALWAYS a gamble, and the longer one waits (again, if older, and not 19 or 20), the harder it will be later on. No one should be pushed into doing what they don’t want to do if they are not yet ready and they are very young. It just causes resentment.
Sometimes, you cannot win, you cannot right a wrong, and you cannot make shoolom where it does not exist. Sometimes you can. This sounds like one of those “let it go” stories. Face the fact that the other side just doesn’t want to be in this “shidduch” with you or your family, for WHATEVER reason. it could be petty, or it could be something very serious to which you are not privy, possibly with good reason. If all is accurately as you described, your family sounds very hardboiled and unyielding, to rebuff even your own efforts to maintain a relationship with them.
This calls to mind a machlokess my in-laws had with my MIL’s brother. From ALL accounts from all the other siblings, my MIL was in the right 100%. Without going into any specifics, the brother did not honor his parents’ express wishes (parents whom my MIL personally took care of in her home, for many years until their deaths), vis a vis my MIL and she was very hurt by her brother’s actions. Though she never spoke to him again, she encouraged my husband and sister-in-law to maintain a respectful relationship with him, because he was still their uncle, and she remained loving and welcoming to her brother’s children, who ALSO thought he was in the wrong.
Dr. Green wrote the “bible” on Celiac disease. A family member went to him after being diagnosed and he really knows his stuff. He is on the overly-cautious side, but with celiac, you really have to be, apparently.
May the Ribbono Shel Olam deal with you Shelo K’derech Teva and give you this Neis. “
Amein to that. Nice bracha, Gavra. Ditto from me.
“Do you really want the gedolei hador to start making mandatory takanos?”
Why not? Haven’t they done so already many times regarding Internet usage, Lipa Schmeltzer concerts, and so forth?
“For those who are complaining about the money….we spend at least twenty thousand dollars for seminary in Israel. Isn’t getting them married just as important?’
Imaofthree, I NEVER spent that kind of money on Seminary for ANY of my kids. One daughter went on a very well-deserved full scholarship, B”H, but we could not afford to send our other two daughters, so they did not. One son received an almost total scholarship, and the other a total scholarship for two years. Had the yeshivos they attended not been so inclined to help us, we could not have afforded to send them, either. Not eveyone has a spare 20K lying around, or the resources to borrow that sum of money. To answer your last question however, getting them married is WAY MORE important than going to Seminary for a year. Nowadays however, many people do not want to hear about a shidduch with a girl who did not go.
And if you only knew how thrilled the older girls are that they now have this opprotunity……”
So YOU say (but what else COULD you be expected to say?). The only opportunity they have is to be asked to be parted from money they may not have. If those same girls would have been redt shidduchim by those wonderful, amazing shadhchanim (you hold in such thrall)to begin with, maybe they would not now be older singles.
You have a wonderful weekend, too.
Hope you never need that doctor.
Find out from the doctor if it is enough for your child to have food without gluten, or if s/he needs it to say ‘gluten free’ “
Respectfully, I must slightly disagree with you. If someone has celiac, they are not just degrees of sensitive. They are gluten-sensitive. period. Someone with a gluten ALLERGY is not the same as having celiac. People who are allergic might be able to eat trace amounts or even occasional amounts of a substance without great incident.
People with celiac however, damage the villi of their stomach lining (which chalilah could lead to a VERY serious situation) whenever their stomach comes in contact even with the tiniest amount of gluten (could be there was a tiny speck of flour on the soup spoon you used to stir the gluten free food. Someone with celiac disease, is SO sensitive, that even that slight amount will harm them, and the damage can take weeks, if not months, to heal. Think of it in this way. How much chametz can you mix into Pesach food and still be allowed to eat it? NONE. Not even a speck. It is not bateil in anything. If you look at gluten as chametz (and most chametz DOES contain gluten), it will be easier to understand how improtant it is to not expose it to the person with celiac.
It will take getting used to, but in the long run, this is a condition that can be totally handled with careful attention to the diet, and there is no danger of incident if that diet is adhered to scrupulously. Unlike diabetics who must monitor their sugar, might need insulin or other medications, and could have bad reactions to rise and fall of sugar levels, the person with celiac can live a completely typical life, just without gluten. B”H there is plenty to eat that has no gluten in it.
Az, you are hopeless. You and I both know Gedolim would NEVER do what I suggested, because it would be received badly. Shadchanim who are eageerly becoming part of your project, are showing EXACTLY why they are doing it. Mit monik mir ken koifen honik. it is ALL about the money and nothing else. Otherwise, these same lovely shadhchanim WOULD do what someone else pointed out, and just charge a little more than usual for the zechus of setting up the hard- to-finds. Gold is glittering in their eyes, now, because of NASI. And it IS insulting to the older girls, no matter what you think. Hard enough for them to deal with the fact that they are watching life passing them by, often through NO fault of their own. Now they have to be fined for it as well.
I still say the Gedolei Hador should immediately issue a kol koray that ALL professionally paid shadchanim have a chiyuv to make at least 5 successful shidduchim per year pro bono for “hard to make” shidduchim (older singles, physically or medically challenged, BT, Geirim, etc, or any combination thereof).
Additionally, the rabbonim should declare that every shidduch made l’sheim mitzvah gets a sachar in olam haba, whereas evey shidduch made for business purposes gets no more sachar than does working at ANY occupation for a living.
Thank you, Yichusdik. I wonder, however, when it came into usage as “everything is OK.” it would seem that that secondary meaning DID originate with the Israel Army/ American Army connection.
There is hidden gluten in many commercial products so be really vigilant when buying such items as Ketchup, sauces, etc. Even medicines whether OTC or prescription can be problematic, as there are minute traces of gluten used to bind many meds. It can be managed, it is just challenging, but not undoable. It is good that your child is young enough to not be firmly entrenched in gluten eating. CHEX corn cereal is a great cereal for celiac patients (they have some others,a s well, and a relative of mine crushes it to use as a breading for foods that previously had bread crumbs or matzoh meal).
Yichusdig – which dictionary have you seen with “copacetic” in it in 1919? It does not seem to have been in usage until several decades later. I still believe that it is as I heard, that an Israeli said hakol beseder in an audible transmission to an American soldier, and the soldier thought he said copacetic. Whether or not this is so, it is still interesting, and it definitely was not common terminology.
I would speak to a neurologist about this, so that you get proper information.
I once saw that the Zohar Hakadosh says about the refusal to support Torah …”
chas v’chalilah that we refuse to support TORAH. It is the refusal to be the sole support of people who choose not to earn a living for their families,which is their halachic obligation according to the Torah, the kesuba, and derech eretz.
Don’t ever ask yes/no questions of the other person. A good conversationalist is a good listener who asks open-ended questions of another person. For example, do not ask, “Do you like to eat cholent on Shabbos?” Ask, “What ingredients do you think should absolutely be in a really good cholent?” Or, “Do you like to read?” is not as good a question as, “What types of things do you like to read about?” “Why?” What is your idea of an ideal vacation? You get my drift. The idea is to ask involving, engaging (pun intended) questions that demand a thoughtful and not one-word anwer, so you can dialogue together.
Wnadering Chana, personally I found it not so tzniusdig for a male stranger to come over to me to tell me that I should have made my bracha louder.
BTGuy – – that is precisely how I learned it. The tone of the amein should match the bracha.
I wonder why I ahve not heard any Gadol saying that the s’char mitzvah of making a shidduch for an older single (girl OR guy) would be greater in Olam Haba than for those easier to make younger shidduchim (lifum tz’arah agrah). Do you think anyone would be motivated based on THAT reward, rather than the monetary one in Olam Hazeh?
Health, there would not BE such a necessity if they would be machshiv providing for their families at least to some degree. As much as you would like to see an idealized lifestyle where men can sit and learn to their heart’s content, the reality is that THEY are responsible to provide for their wives and children according to the Torah that they are sitting and learning.
The Jewish community at large has responsibilities first and foremost to our own families. That boy in Kollel is no better than another frum Yid who learns AND works, but many people today seem to have bought into the myth that because he is sitting and learning he IS better. I have even more respect for someone who does both, because it is that much harder to do both things well.
My father O”H was a great talmid chochom who regularly gave shiurim and droshos and made time to learn every spare minute he had, on a daily basis. He also was in a healing profession and gave of his services freely to those who could not afford them and had no insurance. So don’t talk to me of “the likes of” me. You have no idea what I support and whose Torah learning I help to facilitate, or what Yeshivos I give my maaser to.
D”Y AMEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (very, VERY loudly)
Thank you.
An annoyed voice from behind them says in a voice filled with sarcasm “Hey, thanks for spoiling the movie!”
Now THAT was funny (not the sinking of the ship, the person who was clueless).
If it is in the Gemarah, it is Talmud Torah.
no one regularly smokes indoors near you, your exposure to secondhand smoke is so minimal, that describing their actions as “depraved indifference” is as silly as it is extreme.”
First of all, you have no idea who smokes indoors near me or not. I have no smokers in my home, but I worked in an office where for years there were smokers. People who smoke are generally NOT particularly concerned with offending other people who cannot stand smoke. They smoke in their homes and expose their children to that secondhand smoke all the time. That IS depraved indifference, knowing what we know about the danger. Nothing silly about it at all.
If a Jew is entitled – there is nothing wrong with taking”
You miss the point entirely. NOBODY is entitled to anything. This is not an entitlement and it never was. When did you decide that the government OWES us a living?
And while it is incumbent upon ALL Jews to help each other out, and giving tzedakah is not charity, but an act of righteousness, I have NO obligation to support anyone with my wallet money or tax dollars, just because he wants to sit and learn for X number of years. My husband (who also would love to have sat and learned)and I (when I was not busy raising my children) worked very hard to put food on the table and pay our bills. We take pride in paying our own way through life. The people whom you seem to feel are owed a living either by this country or by our kehillah, have grown up with the mindset that it is “coming to them.” Wake up. It is NOT coming to them or to anyone else. Who is going to pay the way for THEIR kids when they grow up thinking this lifestyle is the norm? Certainly not their parents, who were being supported by THEIR parents? Every boy cannot be a rebbie or Rosh Yeshivah. But that is basically what they are being groomed for in the Kollel.
Btw, there very much IS something wrong with taking – unless you are also in some way giving back to the person from whom you take. Takers are users. When you take advantage of a program just because it exists, in order to avoid being a responsible adult, that is IMO very wrong. It does not build character. I am not talking about people who simply cannot earn a decent living. Those programs were set in place to help them. To HELP them, not to supplant the need for them to get a job. When we see nisht unzereh taking advantage of these programs, we are critical of them. But when Yidden circumvent the rules or play games in order to get Medicaid, food stamps, housing etc. then it suddenly becomes kosher. Except it isn’t kosher. Because when Jews are discovered playing these games, it makes the front page headlines.
Is it something found in a specific room of the home?
Crazybrit is right. When someone says a bracha softly, you answer amein the same way. Some people feel like a person who says a loud amein (which CAN be disturbing at times), is “showing off,” as was implied by Wandering Chana. If yuo are doing it to show others what a good little amein sayer you are, you defeat the purpose of doing it for the kovod of Hashem.
Some of the time a loud amein is very appropriate,i.e. when someone comes up to me and says I should be zocheh to marry off my single kids this year. I guarantee you that NO one says amein
louder than I do, in that case. 🙂
I have another issue. A total stranger (frum man)approached my husband and me in a local coffee shop and in a NICE way gave me mussar for saying my bracha over the coffee too softly for HIM to hear to answer amein.
The legislature is afraid to cut medicare because the old people will vote them out. They are afraid to cut medicaid because the “poor” people will vote them out. They are afraid to cut corn subsidies because the Iowa people will not caucus for them. “
Sadly, you are so right. But that does not mitigate the fact that these programs began solely as an adjunct to help a very small segment of the population on a TEMPORARY basis. It was never intended to be a substitute for their income when they had no intention of earning one for a lengthy (if any) amount of time. That is why we see generational welfare today. And we criticize those nisht unzereh mensnchen who take advantage of it
I think it’s a mentality that is dangerous for us. Young frum couples are learning how to work the system, i.e., get Section 8, food stamps, welfare, WIC vouchers. Some people truly do need this extra help, because they cannot get a job. That is not the case with our young couples. They are making choices in life that belie the concept of Torah WITH kemach, as I said in another post.
If our Chazal thought it was crucial for men to earn a living, EVEN AS THEY LEARN TORAH, then why have we allowed our generation of children to believe they are entitled to sit back as others earn the money for them as well as get payments from the government which they have never personally earned? (Please, don’t anybody mention Social Security – SS was taken from every paycheck my husband and I ever made, so that we should be able to collect later on. What’s worse, we originally paid taxes on the gross amount, including that money that was deducted from the paycheck for future SS, and we still have to pay taxes on the SS checks that come in each month, as new income, in spite of the fact that it was already taxed at the time the actual paychecks were issued. But I digress).
There is no such thing as smoking just a little. Cigarettes are the one legal product that can kill when used exactly as directed. It can kill not only the user, but people around that user who have no intention of using that product themselves. They are forced to “smoke” as non-participants.
Even were it not assur to kill oneself (v’nishmartem m’eod es nafshoseichem), it most certainly is unquestionably assur to cause harm/potential death to another person. Anyone who believes it does NOT cause harm to others, after all the reports that prove otherwise, is simply a thoughtless, inconsiderate person, whose negligent and depraved indifference to life in pursuit of his hano-ah, demonstrates a singular self-centeredness that is not consistent with Torah values. Our Gedolim who smoked made a few mistakes back in the day, because they were unaware of the serious and life-threatening ramifications of smoking, or they would have paskened differently. Today, I doubt a responsible Gadol would say it’s perfectly OK to smoke. And the exhorbitant amounts of money used to buy the smokes, could surely be put to far better use, don’t you think?
w
Az, I guess you and I will never see eye to “aye” on this forum. Hatzlacha.
d?
Oomis, not that you need my approval, I too believe that is the correct answer. “
Thank you very much. Even when I do not seek or need approval, it’s nice to get it. At least, sometimes. 🙂
It is amazing to me that anyone has a problem understanding how the older girls must negatively feel as a result of this initiative.
I respectfully disagree with your position Zeeskite. Halachic issues demand a shailah. Sakanas nefashos demand instant action. That IS the halacha. You would not ask a shailah of a Rov if someone seemed to be having a heart attack on Shabbos and you thought you needed to call hatzolah, would you? Even if it turned out to be indigenstion from too much cholent, you don’t wait to ask shailos. You call.
Thank you, BPT. He really is. But not just because I think so. My husband and I are really proud of his accomplishments and especially of his middos.
And OOMIS, I wouldn’t rush without the advise of a Rav. Stakes are high. On one hand were dealing with the possible danger, the health and well-being of one person. On the other it’s one’s entire livelihood – reputation on the line. “
Maybe I misunderstand. Clearly, I would have to know for a fact from personal knowledge that there was a sakana. I would never talk about a rumored issue. But if I knew the school did not supervise its students in E”Y, which may or may not have resulted in a sakana to someone, I would definitely not run to ask shailos. Not everything in life has to be run past a rov. If there is a sakana on Shabbos, must I ask a shailah before calling hatzolah?
It IS a great story. I would love to believe it really HAD happened. If it did, kol hakaavod to the very sensitive and ehrlich man in the story.
“Social programs which they are entitled to…”
That’s the main problem right there – the belief that social programs are an entitlement. NO ONE is entitled to anything. Those social programs were instituted as a short term stopgap to help people who were temporarily out of work, unable to get a job, disabled/ill and unable to work, or unable to earn enough to live on, even though they were working. It was not meant as a weekly stipend to pay off the bills and buy the groceries of people who were NOT ready, willing, and able to step up to the plate. If the wives are earning the living for them but it is not enough to live on, those guys should be out in the workforce. Period.
My tax dollars and yours are paying for their entitlements. And while I financially support Torah institutions of learning, I do not want to be forced to subsidize someone who is avoiding his fiscal responsibilities to his family. If he is physically or emotionally unable to earn a living, I will be the first one in line to offer money if I have it. Otherwise, hit the road, Jack, and pay your own way through life, as we did. And yes, learn Torah when you are not at work, or get a job that allows for free time for limud Torah.
Sakana (lack of proper supervision, etc.) or halachic issue (i.e, kashrus) – absolutely no hesitation.
Clique-y kids? – probably not.
lack of facilities or good programming – maybe.
A frum girl who is older (meaning close to or age thirty) is probably not looking for a learning boy, because ANY guy who is age appropriate to such a young woman and does not yet have a means of parnassah or plan for one because he is still in yeshivah f/t, will probably be perceived as not responsible marriage material. His f/t learning plan should already be far behind him (based on the boys who get married at 22 and learn for 3-5 years, which IMO is too long for f/t ANYTHING that does not result in earning a living, especially when one is married with children). At thirty or more a guy should be firmly establishing how he will support his family and even maybe have money put away at that point. THIS DOES NOT PRECLUDE HIS LEARNING EVERY DAY.
My son learns every night b’chavrusah and also on his own. He also went to school full time for his LMSW and is going back for his second Masters in Public Health, while holding down a 20-25 hour a week job. I am not saying this to boast about my son, so if I come off that way, it is unintentional. Lots of people have wonderful sons and daughters who are ambitious while at the same time deeply-committed to their Yiddishkeit and learning. I say it only to prove it can and should be done.
I would sleep late, of course… One whole second. It’s like a vacation.
If it can be mixed in jello or pudding, that might help (but only in a small spoonful, because you want them to get th entire medicine in one dose).