Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I just peel and slice them and fry them in canola oil until golden brown. Some people put them in ice water first to soak off some of the starch, then let them dry and fry. In one place I ehard they sprinkle a little sugar on them, as well as salt. Never did it, myself.
There were two interviews. The second one was with a family of Jewish woman whose mother was a white Jew and whose father was a black (I believe non-Jew). She became a baalas teshuvah and raised her two (black) children as frum Jews. Her daughter married a white chassidic Jew. Her son is learning for semicha. On the whole, this was an extremely positive and good show, especially given the unfortunate timing of the article by the rebellious woman who flaunted her disdain for her former Chassidism and all things Jewish.
I saw it, and it was well done, though I did have a few minor criticisms, most notably that what was attibuted (by the Orthodox family) as being Chassidish, often was TORAH-observance, not limited to chassidim, but inclusive of ALL Yidden. The implication was that some of ther things were chassidish in their specificity.
Msseeker, thank you, however I know some very lovely chassidish people who brought up their kids in a heimish and loving environment, and five kids stayed frum and one went completely frei. They were brought up in the same home, same parents, attended the same Yeshivas. It happens, nebbich, that sometimes someone goes off the derech in spite of our best efforts. I still believe this young woman would have ended up this way no matter what, because something is missing in her spiritually. Who knows if she is even describing her former home life accurately? She had so many inaccuracies in the article, I would not be surprised if a lot more was a sham. In any case, it is very sad that she chose to hold chassidish families up to such ridicule.
Interestingly enough, for those who actually watch TV, Oprah Winfrey has a 2 part special on tonight and tomorrow night on the OWN network on cable, about her very positive and beautiful experience with a chassidic family, with whom she spent some time. I find the timing and juxtaposition of this tv special and the Post article to be very much a case of hashgocha protis.
oomis- I really think youre living in a dream world. Do you know what will happen if you allow your kids kosher taaruvos? One day you will find out that theyve been doing everything else that you thought you were preventing behind your back, and they only started because of the ‘kosher’ exposure you allowed them. I’m not sure, but i’d say im closer to my teenage years then you are, and youre grossly under-informed. “
I certainly do know, having raised 5 frum kids, who are well-liked and admired for their middos tovos and dedication to Torah as well as to the Klal.
You give no credit to our kids for being brought up properly, and you worry that the first second they are in a mixed group (read: boys and girls in the same room) they will do terrible things. It is thinking like this that often causes many of our kids to rebel, because there are SO many strictures put on them, that they can’t stand the confinement. After being in Yeshivah all week, do people honestly believe that kids only want to go to yet more shiurim on Motzai Shabbos? (that’s the same thinking that sets up shiurim for young men and women to attend as Shidduch events). They have to be allowed to be healthy, normal kids, too who have some fun and burn off their energy in halachically acceptable ways. Socializing is a VERY important part of their emotional development and allows them the ability to relate to people in a healthy way.
Please do not presume to think how my kids act or acted behind my back. I a)trust my kids, because they have never given me a single reason not to b) I know where they are and with whom and c)their behavior is consistent with what I have always expected of them. It is davka because I am not close to my teen years any longer, that I am able to assess things from a less hysterical perspective than many people seem to be taking. The tighter you clench onto kids, the easier it is for them to slip away. There ought to be some measure of treating them as more adult-like, or they will never become fully independent, which is something we are seeing very much nowadays. You don’t have to agree with me (and clearly you don’t), but it is my observation over many decades, including the one in which I was a teenager myself.
I read this woman’s article in the NY POST. She is hate-filled and hateful. If you look at her photographs, she is smirking and smug in almost everyone of the ones that are calculated to “SHOW THEM!”
I am not a Satmar, I am not chassidish in hashkafa or even yeshivish in the sense that most people understand the expression. But To show such disrespect by publicly airing your own personal hashkafic dirty laundry, is unacceptable. She is doing it to make a buck now, not because she wants to enlighten anyone about her former “plight.” And do Satmar chassidim really believe that a 19 year old girl is on the late side of marriageable?
The retzicha with which she talks about b’davka eating crabcakes, shows a very skewed person. I know people who have gone oTD, but they are still respectful of MY frumkeit. I ahve a feeling she would be this kind of personality no matter WHAT her background would have been. There are plenty of people who stop living their chassidic lifestyle, but remain shomrei Torah uM’itzvos nonetheless. She is just a bitter woman who wants to “stick it” to all Jews.
The solution is simple. Provide suitable, enjoyable, kosher environments in which they can socialize like normal people, so they don’t seek out the wrong type.
Wow, what interesting bits of trivia we are picking up here today! fascinating…
Why do we rely on a porcupine or possum “
groundhog. and supposedly if they can burrow out then the ground is soft enough that Spring is imminent. but if they see their shadow, ostensibly the ground is too frozen, hence six more weeks of winter. Or some such nonsense.
I do know sometimes poseks will give different psaks to different people.”
True, because even though a shailah might appear to be the same shailah, it is still different for the other person.
(Dovid Hamelech)Red hair?
KIDDUSH!!!!!
The thing with babies and mirrors is that most people have NO idea why it is a minhag. What was the source for the Bubbeh Maiseh (which it totally is, but that does not make it a bad thing – our Bubbies were very wise). We do a lot of things that are Bubbeh Maisehs. But we do them, nonetheless, maybe on the chance that they are right. To me however, if Hashem didn’t say it shouldn’t be done, it probably is safe if we did, so stop worrying about gehennom.
1) Uncle Sam – menmonic device for duh… U S – kinda like when cops are reporting a license plate CS1P5 they might say “Charley Sam 1 Paul 5.”
2) Good question.
3) The government.
Why do we drive on a parkway and park in the driveway?
So marry a girl who wears no makeup. Don’t tell other girls not to make themselves feel more attractive, if they feel makeup is needed. Someone who wears clownish makeup should have a makeup artist tell her that, not you. There is no issur on being or feeling pretty. Some people need more help than others. As to the why of it – that should be fairly obvious.
Do you eat the end of a kugel?”
WHY? That’s the best part. The only bad luck is that there’s no more kugel left…
As pointed out, eating certain foods and drinking certain drinks (coffee, hot chocolate), can cause heartburn. But reflux can be caused by other conditions, as well, and anyone who has frequent heartburn, should have a gastroenterologist check him out, maybe have an endoscopy. Heartburn can be the result of esophagitis, or even celiac disease, as well as other stomach ailments, some mroe serious than others. If someone is taking acid reflux medication such as Prilosec or Nexium (meds that reduce the amount of acid that the stomach produces), they are at greater risk for bone fracture, and should increase their calcium supplementation.
Hey hockster. bruchim haba-im.
Cessation of breathing is the criterion (R’ Dovid Feinstein in his father’s name).”
Many people (heart attack, drowning, or choking victims for example) have stopped breathing, but can be resuscitated. That does not sound like the best criteria. Is there more to that definition alone that you did not post?
What is hard is not the fact that we face yesurin. Everyone has a pekel to deal with, some more challenging than others. What is more difficult for me is when I see frum individuals who are either an eidel, baalas chessed, or a tremendous baal tzedaka who literally helps hundreds of people with his own two hands as well as his personal bank account, and they have one awful klop after another hit them. It is so hard to understand in what way they are “failing” that they need to work harder on themselves, which is why I don’t like that as an answer. There are so many people who are fine, balabatish Jews who do not do 1/10th the chessed these two do, and who have what appears ro be healthy, happy lives. The simple answer is that we cannot try to understand Hashem’s cheshbonos. Just accept them as they are and try to maintain our deep and abiding Emunah, even when it is more difficult to do so.
oomis – 🙂
Whew! 🙂
Some people perceive indifference as rudeness. It always pays to be pleasant. You never know who will end up being your mechutan.
Or your kids’ boss.
Great story, ZK. I have had so-called telemarketers make obscene phone calls to me. I don’t usually answer if I don’t recognize a call, but if I do, I thank them politely and hang up immediately. I am signed up with Do Not Call, so I should not be getting any calls of this type. However, the law does not extend to charitable organizations, and the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association sometimes calls me ad nauseum for weeks, even after I have already made a pledge for a nominal amount. I finally told one cop who called that I had already (truthfully) sent a donation, but if they continued to call me I would cancel the check. The calls stopped.
Saying that women are makpid in something in not necessarily the same as saying it should be done. I find it interesting that the same Rabbanim who hold that nashim have kalos daas (and I am sure a dozen of you will pounce on this to prove that I am a good example of that), also say nashim are makpid on some shtus or other, and imply therefore that this shtus should be followed. If our old wives’ tales (and please note, the Rov did NOT say it is kabbalah or halacha or even an eitzah tova, he basically said it was a woman’s thing)are valid, then our opinions should be weighed in other areas of halacha as well. JMO. (a little tongue in cheek).
Come on! Do we really think that some Moron…er…Mormon baptism ritual before OR after death, has any validity on a Jew? I would be more concerned with whether or not the Mormons are FORCIBLY trying to make Jews be baptized. That is greater cause for keeping our eyes and ears open.
The mitzvah of pru urvu is incumbent on MEN, not women, because pregnancy and childbirth are ALWAYS a sakana (hence the making of birchas hagomeil after childbirth), and you cannot force a woman to put her life in jeopardy for the sake of a mitzvah. If you want to argue that point, look at one of the the halachos of bris milah. If two male infants have died in the same family because of their bris, the next male infant is NOT gehmahled. Obviously the halacha teaches us that skanos nefashos is of prime concern, even when it comes to mitzvos that are clear directives, much less those that are not.
One Goal, Hatzlacha rabbah.
Hevei mekabeil es kol ho’odom b’sever panim yafos does not mean you have to be his best friend or engage in an hour long dialogue, but it DOES mean that a modicum of friendliness and civility IS expected. There are many tactful and sensitive ways to get the idea across that you are finished conversing. it’s a matter of showing good manners.
I know neither enough about Jesus OR R’ Boteach to comment from a place of real undesrstanding, BUT… what I always was taught was that in his day, he never declared himself to be son of any god, nor did he try to start a changed religion. It was Paul who made the big changes that formed early christianity, and all the books of the so-called New T. were written decades after Jesus lived, and even those gospels record the story with changes. they cannot agree on details among themselves. So if they cannot remember something that happened maybe fifty years prior, why would I believe anything that they quote in his name?
I am not saying he was a good Jew, or a Pharisee, or not an Apikorus, or anything, because I really do not know. What I do know is that more destruction to the Jewish people occurred in his name, than for any other reason. He might have been an innocent bystander – according to the Talmud however, he was guilty and chayav misah (from what I have been told, as I never learned this type of stuff). So that being the case, Perhaps people like R’ Boteach should seek to write about something less likely to cause this type of uproar.
That’s not (directly) his doing.
Thank you, DY, for enlightening me. Then I would say PBA’s post was perfect. No criticism at all, needed.
The only thing for which i want to criticize you, is the second word of your subtitle under your name. Otherwise, the D”T was engaging, and I think it head a wonderful lesson to impart. The essence of Midrash (or Medrash, who cares HOW it’s spelled?) is to teach us a valuable bit of universal insight. In this case, that there are no small jobs (only small people, perhaps?), and we all have tafkidim to fulfill that are unique to ourselves. if we do them well, then we are fulfilling Ratzon Hashem.
Weddings were usually done on Friday (except famously in Krakow) and the seduah went into shabbos to save money and combine seudos’
Funny you should mention this. It is exactly what I was going to write (except the Krakow part, which I didn’t know).
Careful, Cherrybim. When I made a similar observation to yours (with which I wholly concur), I was given an unwarranted mussar shmuz from someone who strongly disagrees, and believes that such opinions indicate antagonism to Torah study.
“apushatayid, what I meant was that learning boys tend to be more yeshivish than working boys…so if a girl is yeshivish but doesn’t have money… “
With all due respect, I believe you exaggerate. I have known very MANY so-called “working boys,” who are as yeshivish as any F/T kollel guy I have ever met. The main difference is that they have the self-respect and satisfaction that comes from paying their own way in life, and do not feel ot imply that support is owed to them. They appreciate any help that is given to them when necessary, but make a point of not expecting that help. I will stack their learning and frumkeit up against any F/T yeshivah bochur’s any day.
shavua tov
I don’t think this is something that deserves such comments as “AMAZING!” It is something you want to do, and kol hakavod. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with the concept of Facebook IMO. The problem is with the people who over-utilize it. I have found it to be a valuable tool in re-connecting with old friends and even family members with whom I lost contact info, and I spend VERY little time on it, otherwise. No one is forced to be on Facebook 24/7 (or 6, if you are a frum Yid). It’s especially valuable when you want to tell something to someone but do not have time for a phone conversation, and don’t know their e-mail address. Everything has its up or down side.
Thanks, Rubberbands.
I’d love the wisdom of Shlomo Hamelech – mainly because that one really existed.
Which ones know earner / koveya ittim types?
What is typically normal and healthy for most type 2 diabetics for their blood sugar to be first thing in the morning? The person is taking Metformin every morning after checking the blood.
Asking the doctor isn’t a problem, but I wondered what the consensus was here.
No contest – Moshe Rabbeinu, and also Yaakov Avinu.
Some chumros have a place, and others are just that – chumros -but not halacha; certainly not what Hashem asked of us, and therefore a potential problem when those who follow them believe themselves to be better Jews than those who don’t, and act accordingly. (Because that is what often causes divisiveness amongst Yidden, that, and not the fact that the less machmir are not frum enough).
It might be the rider who committed the avla, however, legally the driver is responsible to ensure that his passengers are seatbelted, so if he does not HE is committing an avla of another type, as well. He is responsible. it would be proper for the one who caused him to be nichshal, to pay the fine for him. If a parent lets a toddler cross the street without holding his hand, and he runs into traffic and gets hit by a car, whose fault is it?
“PLEASE. Don’t mitigate Torah study IN ANY WAY. For my sake. For YOUR SAKE. You don’t need that on your head. Read what I wrote about ??? ?????? ??????? ?? ????. Please. We all here know what parnasa, husbands and wives are. Not all know what Torah is. From your writing alone I detect that.”
Wow! I do not mitigate Torah study. I mitigate EXCLUSIVE Torah study to the exclusion of earning a necessary living, and putting the achrayus of earning that living on other people. And the way girls are being brainwashed nowadays in Seminary, they beleive that if they are NOT ok with fully financially supporting their husbands, they are de facto not n’shei chayil. That’s wrong, it’s not in line with what we are taught all our lives that the role of the woman in Judaism is to be the one who runs the home and raises the next generation of Torah-true Jews. When she is out earning the living (and THAT IS her husband’s tafkid), she is NOT attending to her home and family. Someone else, whether it is a Bubby (if she has a mother who is available and not working to help support her married children herself), or a (hopefully) frum jewish babysitter, or non-Jewish housekeeper, will be raising those children. Kind of defeats the purpose for which Hashem created us, according to all the teachings that were given to me, and then to my daughters, regarding the amazing role of the Jewish wife and mother. And that role IS amazing. But is is most certainly not being fulfilled nowadays, by overworked and over-extended young wives. SOMETHING has got to give somewhere. So what worth is the FULL time learning, when it comes at such a high price? Learning half a day (as so many married guys do) is NOT good? Sorry, but I believe you are way off base, though I respect your right to believe as you do.
“For one: Torah study is not only for Eluyim, great thinkers, sharp minds. It is for everyone. Everyone who studies brings the shechina to this world.”
When did I ever say that? You are paraphrasing me very badly. I said that not every guy who learns is or likely (ever) will be an iluy. An iluy IMO, SHOULD be learning fulltime, because clearly that is why Hashem gifted him with that special mind to make use of it.
For the rest of the guys in Kollel, who understandably enjoy learning and are decent at it, there is no reason why they cannot combine Limud Torah with making a parnassah, devoting part of each day to each pursuit. I guarantee you, Hashem is cheshboning their attending to their familial duties, as ALSO bringing the Shechina to this world, because part of that G-d ordained responsibility helps to maintain Sholom Bayis, and is a good example for the children.
And yes, it IS a chessed for a woman to go out and earn a living so that her husband should be able to sit and learn. Did you forget about Racheyl and Rabbi Akiva? But not every boy is a R’ Akiva, and not every girl is able to be a Racheyl.
Oomis, Feif, and anyone else who’s against Torah study.
There’s a big difference between one who must go to work, while being truly ????? Torah, and those of you with attitudes like “what’s he doing for the world anyway..”, “obligated to work at least half, presumably more..” etc. Again as I wrote, “where the wife consents”.. there is nothing greater. Obviously, it’s not for the wife your sticking up for, it’s the Torah learning you’re against. I’m truly sorry for having been brought up with Torah – true values. “
Whoa, don’t hold back, tell us what you really think! First of all, please do me the courtesy not to tell me I am against Torah study. Perhaps you did not actually read what I wrote, and if you did, you did not comprehend one word of it.
I believe with all my heart that a Jewish man has an obligation to learn Torah (if he is capable of same, not all men are) every single day, for some portion thereof. I also believe that if he is getting married, his primary obligation according to the kesubah, is to provide for his wife and family. It is not HER obligation or her parents’ obligation to do so. If and when they do, it is a chessed on their parts. But it is no chessed to force her to work twice as hard as need be in today’s two-income necessity per family, in order for her to pick up the slack her husband is leaving by not doing his fiscal share.
I have seen wives who were wearied and harried and bone-tired from trying to be all things to their husbands and families, while the husband sat all day in the Beis Medrash. THAT is not the Torah way, you can say it 1,000 times to the contrary, but that does not make it any more right than being a frum guy who sits in an OFFICE all day and night and makes NO time for learning, even if he IS providing everything his family could desire. Both are situations that leave something to be desired.
Not all women have the luxury of Bubby watching the children for them, either. More often than not, a non-Jewish, non English-speaking housekeeper is raising our precious children for the better part of the day, in lieu of the person who has been entrusted with their care. THAT’S what Hashem wants? Sorry, but I don’t buy it. It’s not enough to learn Torah. One must LIVE Torah.
There are a relative VERY few iluyim whose learning brings great zechuyos and light to the world. Unquestionably, these are people who should be doing nothing but learning, because they are our next generation of Gedolim and leaders. But every boy cannot be and is not an iluy, and most of them can manage to earn a living and learn as well, in the course of a day. They are more than comfortable however, in leaving that achrayus to their wives and shvers, and convincing themselves that they are doing it to “support the world” through their learning. It is THAT mentality which I personally find problematic. It causes that ubiquitous mindset of entitlements that has become pervasive in many of the full-time learning families. That is not an opposition to learning Torah. It is an opposition to using learning Torah as an excuse to avoid one’s responsibilities. “Im ein kemach, ein Torah.” I did not make that phrase up.
a geyser? Waterfall?
This whole facilitaing thing is reminiscent of our childhood game of playing with a ouija board (something I adamantly would oppose now, because in retrospect, I believe it smacks of tumah).
Supposedly however, one got messages from “beyond” that were spelled out by holding onto a planchette that “moved” from letter to letter. Just as I believe those movements were either deliberate or from one’s own unconscious mind, I believe the same thing about facilitating someone to write an answer when he or she is autistic or otherwise unable to communicate verbally.
I hate to be really trite, but my mother O”H was my greatest role model, and regrettably I will never be able to fill her shoes properly. She was the most awesome lady I have ever known, and an incredible baalas chessed – definitely someone to emulate in all ways.
Feif un – YEP.
Zeeskite, you have lofty and admirable ideas. They just do not work for everyone in this day and age, unfortunately. And Daas Torah does not entitle us to abrogate our responsibility to think for ourselves. hashem gave us bechirah for a reason, and He wants us to make the right choices. To ask Daas Torah on halachic issues is proper and and a chiyuv. But I knwo people who won’t make a single solitary move on their own without asking their Rov what to do. That infantilizes us. JMO.
What Mitzva does a regular girl have which would be in opposition to the Chiyuv of getting married?”
Check your halachic facts first. Only GUYS have a chiyuv to get married. And no one should get married whether they want to or not. That’s unfair to the unsuspecting spouse who is marrying them in good faith.
Just because the girl is not ready YET, does not automatically mean she NEVER wants to get married. Lots of girls are disillusioned by what they see. Their friends get married young, get tied down with kids AND supporting their husbands, and they just want to live their lives a bit before taking on these responsibilities. And maybe they don’t buy into the husband sitting and learning idea, but are afraid they will be censured for expressing their feelings. Maybe they are just NOT READY. Leave the girl alone for now. If you can get her to talk about why she is opposed to it for now, you might learn something important.
I had an acquaintance who for some reason confided in me that though she somewhat liked her chosson, she did not love him when she married him (though after the wedding she eventually came to love him). She felt guilty NOT about her feelings, but for having pretended to act and feel all the ways a kallah supposedly feels, according to her observation of her friends.
When she got together with her friends, she would “fake” giggle with them as they asked her about this or that, related to her chosson. She oohed and aahhhed over the things she got at her shower, and played the shower games as she had watched her friends play them before her. But it was all an act. She was not ready to be getting married, and felt none of the things she had expected to feel when contemplating marriage. Nonetheless, she talked herself into thinking she really wanted to get married, and her chosson was a nice enough guy. Had her family and friends not all been subtly pressuring her in different ways to be a kallah, she would never have gotten engaged at that point in time, though she has no real regrets after the fact. I found her confession made me sad.
That there is absolutely nothing wrong with boys and girls mixing together socially from an early age (under supervision). That many professional shadchanim probably have no business making shidduchim (couples should meet on their own, in college, at Shul, in fun, frum-sponsored events, at the pizza place, etc.)and that NASI is not a well-thought out idea for various reasons. That boys should not take off after marriage to sit and learn all day, but are obligated to devote at least half that day (and preferably more, if more is needed to pay the bills)to earning a parnassah from day one, so that their wives can be free to (gasp!) raise their children as Hashem intended, when they come along. Those boys can do what many men did in my younger years – learn during their breaks, early in the morning before davening, and for a certain amount of time each evening, that does not interfere with their spending time with their wives and children, which is also important for a Jewish home.
Have I said too much???? Oops! Well you DID ask!