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Our first baby was born a year after we got married, and I was already thinking I’ll be one of those with 5 kids under age 5.
Starting from when she was in playgroup, my daughter kept asking us when she’ll get a real baby and be a big sister. None of her peers was an only child. While she did enjoy our undivided attention, sometimes it was too much for her, and that was when I realized that a child NEEDS siblings, perhaps even as much as parental attention.
She was in Pre-1A when our son was born, and that was the end of my secondary infertility. Boruch Hashem, we now have a houseful of children.
It seemed to me that while there is much awareness about the pain of infertility, people are totally oblivious to the pain of secondary infertility. It’s not obvious that you’re infertile (BC, miscarriages, etc.). I couldn’t share my pain with anyone except Hashem because the few times I tried to share with a friend, they’d be incredulous that I could even feel pain over not having another child yet, when so many people were waiting for their firsts.
It was better like this; I built a stronger relationship with Hashem. I knew He validated my pain because He gave me the ability to feel in the first place. I also knew that He wanted me to utilize the pain for growth. I became more sensitive to the pain that others might carry even if they didn’t seem to have any reason to be in pain. I began viewing people’s misbehaviors as stemming from their pain, whatever the source of which might be. This helped me act more supportively toward them; I saw them as people in pain, instead of annoying creatures or worse.
I could go on and on about my growth spurt, but it’s getting quite trite, cliche, and hackneyed (my vocabulary teacher would be proud!), and it’s starting to fall into the category of too-long-to-read posts.
I just want to add this thought which gives me chizuk:
The essence of Tefilla is the internalization that our salvation can only come from Hashem. We pray not in order to inform Hashem of our needs, but in order to remind ourselves of our total dependence on Him.
John Doe: Long list of Rx to choose from.
Or, like ej says, you can change your approach.
Three Guys From Brooklyn
That this popa character is hilarious.
LMA: The physical and emotional are intertwined; hence, if one is not sufficiently attracted to the girl, she may not be meeting his emotional needs.
Since somebody mentioned “Ring Around the Rosey,” do I have the right to post my non-morbid version for all to play? (If you’re young enough to play, you won’t call it nerdy.)
Learn a lot of Torah
Pocket many Mitzvos
Without Torah and Mitzvos
We all fall down!
good.jew:
Nechomah referred to others who wish to make brachos in the child’s presence; they must turn away from the uncovered child.
Thank you, yitayningwut! I had to push CR way down on my list of priorities to make room for others, but I’ve been popping in occasionally to catch some humor.
Let’s hear it for yitayningwut and popa!!
Simcha, no answer will convince a potential BT. There are excuses available for every aveira. OTOH, if someone is looking for truth, questions like these will not deter him.
WILL YOU ALL LEAVE MY GRANDPA ALONE?!?!
momma-
I experienced a similar loss with a $1600 shaitel that I brought to a salon which, admittedly, had minimal experience with wigs. (I was visiting in a neighborhood that did not have a sheitel macher at that time.)
I gave it in to be dyed, and the hair practically fell out in clumps when I got it back. I realized that the stylist had brushed out all the knots on my hand-tied wig. The knots had formed a layer just over the net, and now that layer was gone.
When I showed it to her, she told me it was my fault for not telling her that those knots were not supposed to be there; she thought I just hadn’t cared for it properly, and it got a layer of knots!
When someone hates another person to the extent this woman hates her ex, she really only hates herself and is projecting self-hatred onto an easy target. In fact, I am sure that it was her self-hatred that caused her divorce in the first place.
I believe that the ex-husband’s only crime was not having enough self-respect to avoid becoming a victim of bullying.
This woman is a typical bully, her ex is a typical victim.
Try living real life. You’ll be too busy to come.
See what happened to popa?
They turned it into ices.
Wow, this thread really makes me nostalgic!
You’re very welcome. I’m glad when my experiments yield positive results, and proud to share.
I use the Shibolim brand of flour because a)it’s very finely ground; and b)it’s already sifted and comes in airtight plastic bags.
Everything ok?
MP-
I think yitayningwut is doing a good job here.
Nice thread. Thank you for starting it.
I apologize to you, enlightenedjew, if my post offended you. Apology extended to anyone who felt pain as a result of my words.
Is it still common to squeeze 8 kids into a 1-bedroom bungalow or have the times changed?
chewing gum
makes you dumb
Tomche-
His status is primarily manifested by his making most of the decisions. Not that he enjoys decision-making, but it is healthy for him to do so and for me to accept his decisions. (I decided that;)
We do discuss the issues, and he hears me out, but the outcome is up to him. Truthfully, we usually arrive at the decision together; nevertheless, I try to refrain from saying it myself and instead ask him what his decision is.
Since marriage is the joining of masculinity and femininity, it is essential for a woman to let her husband be a true man, utilizing his masculine traits, and for a man to let his wife be a true woman, utilizing her feminine traits.
Chazal described specific attributes of men and women and established guidelines concerning husband’s and wife’s responsibilities toward each other which are obviously perfectly suited to cultivating their respective inherent traits, and, thus, to the attainment of the ideal marriage.
I definitely second ursula momish.
Dear Kallah, it sounds like he’s yielding to your will on more than one issue (men’s mikvah thread?). Please go for help together; if he doesn’t want to go, go alone.
Remember this rule, it will serve you well:
He’s the boss!
(From a woman who’s the boss at work and the boss of her children; who breaks lots of rules, but not this one)
Minyan gal, I definitely agree that baked goods should be worthy of the Mezonos Brocha and eaten as an occasional treat.
The problem is that my kids’ classmates bring these occasional treats for snack regularly.
I tried sending fruits, popcorn, pretzels, veggies with dips…they’ll accept one healthy snack per day, but “everyone else brings real nosh for the other snack”.
I do not think my kids need real junk daily, so I began some relatively healthful baking.
kapusta, in deference to the queen’s request on the other thread, I present my recipe for moist whole-wheat chocolate-chip oat cake, the one that makes it onto my own snack list and also makes the grade at school.
Beat together:
2 cups unsweetened applesauce
1/3 cup water
1 tsp or more almond extract
4 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup agave nectar or maple syrup
1/2 cup brown sugar
4 eggs
2 cups whole wheat flour
2 tsp baking soda
1 cup oats and 1 cup oat bran or 2 cups oats
1&1/2 cups choc chips
Pour into 9×13 pan. I swirl cinnamon through 1/2 the batter because some like it and some don’t. (You may add cardamom, too, but I can’t vouch for the taste.) Bake at 350 for approx 40 min.
and by telling him in the cr
Popa decided this was the best move, prepared well, and got there. Now the fun starts! B’hatzlacha!
Ofcourse: Oh no, even agave has health risks? What’s the concern with it?
kapusta: I only use the Shibolim extra fine ww flour as it seems to keep cakes lighter and without aftertaste.
I should confess that I don’t bake much cake, mostly only a marble cake with 6 eggs, which is probably what keeps it light, a crispy/chewy oatmeal-choc chip cake, and a super-moist oatmeal-choc chip cake. Nobody misses the white flour with these!
I do bake Challah, but hubby’s makpid on having it white, so it’s 5/6 white.
ron: probably the same rate to which you referred in your first post
goq: first-rate comment!
agree w/ pba
nice name!
Why can’t you just substitute the sugar in any recipe with agave nectar, apple juice concentrate, prune butter, splenda, or whatever?
I only bake with whole wheat flour, and I rarely use white sugar.
I substitute with a combination of agave nectar and stevia or xylitol (natural sugar from birch tree).
Now, why did I click on this thread when I’ve got a dozen luscious fruits in my crisper?
The rate on our May bill was 8.8%.
The rate on this bill is 13.6%.
That’s an increase of about 55%.
Audits, shmaudits.
It’s not US, it’s THEM Ganovim.
aries, your post expresses my feelings, too.
People hear songs through their own personalities/Neshamos.
That is why WIY and Popa may disagree on the appropriateness of the same songs.
Either that, or they aren’t referring to the same songs.
I’ve heard several romantic songs from wartime and other tekufos that made me think of Hashem and draw closer to Him.
Even when a man sings/hums these songs to his wife, they are about the Neshama connection, and do not sound vulgar, because they are not.
I don’t think anyone mentioned this yet, but I know that some of today’s divorces occur because the husband had been molested as a child/teenager.
ro66-
I must recommend the tapes of Rabbi Yitzchok Kirzner, ZTz”L. They continuously provide inspiration to my husband and me.
He explains many different concepts in life/Yiddishkeit clearly and eloquently. He does not offer platitudes or speeches that leave you thinking, “I could have given the same shiur myself”.
Go to rabbikirzner.org and order those tapes!
Middle Path:
Sounds like you were blessed with an extra measure of sensitivity to the needs of others. To ascertain whether you are overdoing it, try asking yourself these questions.
Do I feel angry if the recipients do not acknowledge my chessed?
Do I feel angry if the results of my chessed are not what I had wanted?
Do I feel obligated to perform each chessed that comes my way? (or do I view it as an opportunity which I can consciously decide to utilize e.g. will it infringe on my personal responsibilities, etc.)?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then your chessed may be a compulsion stemming from a desire to gain approval or be in control. In order to ultimately do true chessed, try saying “No” sometimes. When you give yourself permission to say “No”, you may feel relieved (and also bad at first; ignore this feeling- it’s the Yetzer Hara.)
No, you should not meet her. She is not your bashert.
Mazel Tov on your graduation and engagement!
May you and Chosson always shteig in middos! 🙂
Derech Hamelech: He’s not answering you cuz he’s not Sam, he’s Patur.
Sarah, Kol Hakavod to you, but why can’t you daven at home, before school?
minyan gal, we sometimes also wait until a couple’s anniversary before giving a gift. Different reason, though. And it’s often a baby gift, by then.
or because BP-ers roam our streets after dark
or because we go to sleep earlier than BP because we wake up earlier
or because all the simcha halls are in BP or Willi
C., if you marry popa, you’ll get married in the basement of a shul, definitely not cliche.
whole wheat Mendelsohn’s
Bike: The matter of gift-giving has a lot to do with your circles.
You sound Sephardic, so some of what you hear here may not be applicable in your circles.
Contributing a dish to a sheva brachos with a note attached might be a cost-effective option for you.
A man with all three traits of the Avos: Chesed, Gevura, and Emes- he’s really on TOP!
I’m so grateful to my father, who opened a Young Investors fund in which I consistently deposited most of my earnings from age 11 (when I earned $2/hr watching a neighbor’s baby) to 20. We lived off that money when my husband was in Kollel and I hadn’t yet finished my degree.
In some communities, the mohelim only request that a donation be made to a particular Tzedaka.
I third a mamin; Town Appliance has great customer service and great expertise as well. I have ordered from them without ever seeing the appliance, just on their recommendation, and have always been satisfied. Drimmer’s might be great too, I just don’t have experience with them.
Thanks, DY.
Do drive him nuts.
Refuah Sh’leima!