Forum Replies Created
Great way of sidestepping my point…
And you conviently ignored the rest of his post.
Boys are better than girls. Girls are better than boys. Childish!!
it is quite usual for a father to wear his peyos different than his sons. It is not bad parenting nor bad chinuch.
Usually, the boys wear their peyos like their classmates.
Someone who is posting on this thread very clearly has a personality disorder. I always thought so, but some posts on this thread make it so clear.
(It’s not wolf.)
Owning an Iphone is not an avayra.
Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. That’s not the point. If he is did sin, then he belongs getting rid of it as part of his teshuva. If he doesn’t then it isn’t sincere teshuva.
TO those who say, supposing he sinned, then we must assume he did teshuva is nonsense. If he did real teshuva – kabalah al he’asud – he would no longer have the iphone. (I’m not saying he did sin, but if he did, then he didn’t do what he can that it shouldn’t happen again.) Those that get caught in this web of aveira have a very hard time crawling out.
Talmud Torah K’Neged Kulam. Don’t you know the Gemorah that says a woman should sell herself in the Shuk so that her husband can learn Torah?
What a terrible thing to say! Someone might think it acually says this.
And it seems I guessed right because you haven’t yet came up with a real rebuttal.
Really? I already told you the reason. Because I dont have have the time or desire. From your responses regarding women rather doing chessed than learning, I have determined that it’s fruitless to argue with you about it. You can argue endlessly about something. I don’t care to do that.
And how do you know what I pride myself in? Is this a logical statement or a guess?
It’s a logical conclusion since you often state how your posts are made with logic.
Since when are you the expert on abuse and manipulation?
I read a lot of books on all kinds of subjects. Abuse and manipulation are one of them.
do you think all men are abusive?
Talk about putting words in someones mouth! No, I don’t think so. Don’t know what I said that you should even ask that. And my husband is bh a wonderful person. Both men and women are capable of being manipulative. And one doesn’t have to be married to a manipulator to be affected by one.
You see this post that you just wrote is manipulating. You put words in my mouth that I never said.
I misunderstood your post. I thought you meant “women” cannot learn properly when tired. I think that if a women decides that she wants to learn, and makes it her business to, then she can learn properly even if physically tired. You can disagree. That is your right.
So do you really learn for intellect or are you a feminist?
I was responding to your post because I disagree with your reasoning. What I do is irrelevant.
I would just like to add, I am not advocating that women should learn gemorah. There are those that hold if woman herself desires to learn she can. There are those who possibly hold otherwise. That is not my argument. I simply don’t agree with Health’s arguments.
Wrong. You do have the time & you do have the desire, but you don’t have any logical answer.
but it’s not me who is defining how a person has to learn it’s the Torah.
When I say your “so called logical argument”, I was referring to your argument about women doing chessed instead. As for your argument about woman learning out of fear and awe which cannot be done during “relax time”, I disagree with you, but don’t have time to explain at the moment.
Shlishi, did you really think you were telling me something I don’t already know?
(While a woman’s work is never done, she IS allowed to have some time to herself.)
Health: I don’t have the time nor desire to argue with your so called “logical” argument.
Health: They can’t find any Mitzvos where they are Mechuyav in? Here’s one that they are – go to a hospital or nursing home and help feed the patients. You can even find enough Frum ladies that need this that you can be busy with this 24/7.
I’m sick of these Women’s libs and then covering it up with religiousity!”
Or help some needy family with housework and/or childrearing.
GAW: The Torah is “chauvinistic”. This idea of housework over mitzvos is the very reason why women are Patur from Mitzvos Aseh Shehazman Grama. Ask not on the post, but on G-d Himself.
GAW: The reason a woman is not obligated in time bound mitzvos is because of her own familial obligations. It isn’t because she is obligated to do chesed outside her home. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I never heard that women are more mechuyav in doing chessed outside the home than men are.
Health: A woman is allowed to decide what mitzvah to do (supposing as you stated if her learning is indeed a mitzvah). No, she doesn’t have to instead go to a nursing home to feed elderly instead, or go help others with housework. When was the last time you did that? And don’t tell me that you are required to learn, so you need not do those mitzvos. You spend a lot of time online, is it not more important to do such chessed?
You can’t curl up with a Gemmora like you do with a book.
If a woman wants to learn gemorah (provided she is allowed to), then she can indeed learn after she fills her other obligations, even if it’s late at night, or maybe on Shabbos, or whenever it is she finds the time.
Why if a woman goes bowling, swimming, or other activity, it’s all fine, but if she decides to learn Torah Shebal Peh (provided she’s allowed to), it all of the sudden becomes, she should find another mitzvah to do instead?
I read in the sefer “Halichos Bas Yisroel”, that if a woman wants to learn from her own will, she is allowed to.
The father of R’ Shalom Shwadron, who was the son of the Maharshal, told his wife (the mother of R’ Shalom), you do so much for me, tell me how I can show my appreciation. She responded that he should learn with her gemarah. He told her, the gemorah says he can’t do that, but he will learn out loud so that she can hear his learning, and this way she will also be learning. So you see, very chashuva women can also have a great desire to learn gemorah. It has nothing to do with feminism. R’ Shalom stated that his mother dabbled in Torah Shebaal Peh (taking from the book “voice of truth”).
If it’s a mitzvah, why does it bother you? It’s not your business which mitzvos they pick. Even if you think it’s better to do something else with their time, it’s not your place to critisize.
Additionally, they may be learning after they worked hard a whole day, and this is their relaxing time before they go to bed.
Pretty chauvinistic to decide if she has time she shouldn’t use it for her brain, but rather help someone with their housework.
Just like there are women who do things to prove they are just as good as men, there are men who don’t want women to do things just to prove they are not as good as men.
A rectangular table has two “heads”, where does it say that a wife can’t sit on the other head of the table?
First of all many statistics are skewed due to bias.
Second: Men are more time to pursue more education than women since it’s more important for women to take care of their families then studying to gain more knowledge that they don’t need. Of course, if they can do both, or they don’t have children, and they want to pursue more knowledge, then they should.
Third: as everyone said, IQ do not necessarily acurately rate a person’s intelligence.
Abe Cohen: If kids in a classroom ware made up of two different nationalities – 50% each, and a teacher came in and said kids from one of those nationalies is smarter than the other kids, that would be an insult. Telling the class one kid from the whole class is the smartest, and s/he clearly is, most wouldn’t be insulted, maybe a bit jealous, but it’s not demeaning – except for those students are are very smart too.
Shmoel? I thought mermaid is Sushe
Furthermore, the mania and depression would likely not dissipate with meds if it were largely based on situation, not biochemical imbalance.
I don’t know whether bipolar can be purely nature without environmental factors, but this statement doesn’t prove anything. The environmental situation can cause the chemicals to be released in the brain (as popa stated) and the medication would remove those chemicals in the brain whereby enabling the person to function normal anyway.
Syag Lchochma: Thank you for much for the info.
Yussel: Those who are self-obsessed have poor self-esteem. Those with healthy self-esteem do not have to be busy with themselves.
Haleivi: <m>Hire someone to stand up for you and call you Rebbe. It might be cheaper than a therapist.
What gets generated with this method is definitively not self esteem.
popa_bar_abba: Exactly! You said that very well.
far east: if a book is really good, then the trick is to read it multiple times. I believe it will work, and it’s a lot cheaper than therapist.
Syag Lchochma: I would like to see what he says about how to raise self esteem. If you can tell me the book(s) you got the most from, I would appreciate it.
Syag Lchochma: Which books from Dr. Twerski help self esteem issues?
Health: I was referring to adults changing the circumstances of a child that is having a rough time in their life. And if the circumstances can’t be changed then to get help to learn how to cope.
It seems like mothers need to do it for at least a few years, so it must be possible, right?
Yes, mothers do it. But they catch up by falling asleep as soon as kidush is made by the Shabbos table or other inopportune times. And they have a hard time not falling asleep at their desk at work.
As a P.S. I would like to mention there are children and adults who today are diagnosed with ADD when in reality they are ADDicted to the internet. (It may be apply to a small percent of ADD sufferers, but it is definitely a reality today.)
I think ADD is very real. But I think often the source of the problem is the environment that child (or adult) is in. Often people can’t focus when their life is overwhelming. If a child has an overwhelming life in general, they can develop ADD. The younger the child is when life is overwhelming, the more ADD will stay with them since the brain gets used to tuning out of their environment. If a home life is hard for the child, they may be too distracted in school.
I think this can apply to adults as well. If life is overwhelming for whatever reason, these adults will have the symptoms of ADD especially if their childhood was hard too.
I’m sure people won’t agree with me. And I’m sure people will find actual cases where this doesn’t apply. But I’m equally sure this applies to many ADD children & adults.
Of course ADD medication will help the child/adult focus. But it’s important to get the proper help to either eliminate the part that is hard in the person’s life, or if that isn’t possible, then to teach them how to focus in the present and ignore what was in the past and what will be in the future and anything that is going on in the person’s life. I believe it is possible.
718-906-6451 press 9 and then 9.
tonight at 9:00 in english, tommorrow night 9:00 in yiddish.
Yitay: There are many people who have made “no internet at all” their reality.
Squeak: meaning what? you’re trying to get yourself blocked?
Sam2: no, I didn’t. Considering the destruction the www has caused, the internet which allows that destruction is culpable. Instant messaging & email is just as destructive as the www.
Haifagirl: no, the internet should be punished for the extreme destruction that it has caused in this generation.
Squeak: Sometimes I wish the CR has a “block” button, so that some posters comments wouldn’t come up on my screen. Here’s one the those times.
Beyond thrilled, grateful and very relieved.
Haifagirl: Thank you for teaching me something new. I now know the www doesn’t include email, usenet, instant messaging and ftp. I guess there’s more that isn’t included.
Nevertheless, I don’t agree with your analogy. If someone sees something on tv, they will tell you I saw it on tv, not I saw it on my electricity. But if you see something through the www, you will say you saw it on the internet.May 11, 2012 11:31 am at 11:31 am in reply to: Woman Should Always Wear Her Wedding Ring in Public? #873588
Yes, she must wear it in public. If she doesn’t have them with her, she must wear a sign on her back that she is married. If that’s not an option, she’s not allowed to go out in public.
Oh wait! I thought women are not allowed to go out in public regardless.May 10, 2012 7:52 pm at 7:52 pm in reply to: Did I ever tell you about the time I almost got gored by a bull? #874165
Health: It’s halacha. Not opinion. Even if I can’t tell you the mekor, As for a Poisek. Ask any Poisek you know. Since it’s halacha, all valid Poskem should be able to tell you the same and when it applies.
The reason is because when a man treats his wife like a queen she treats him like a king. If he treats her like a slave, she will treat him like a shamata.
If a woman doesn’t treat her husband properly, he should check his own behavior towards her. Therein will usually lie the problem (sure, not always, but most of the time it’s true.)
However, if a man doesn’t treat his wife properly, usually has nothing to do with the wife’s behavior towards him (again, not always, but most of the time.) And sometimes it’s just tit for tat, but if he will change his behavior towards her, that will change too.
I’m sure I’m not the only one here who is able to figure out which male posters treat their wives well, and which ones do NOT.April 23, 2012 10:56 am at 10:56 am in reply to: "Purim And The Tyranny Of Beauty: A Plea to Mothers of Girls in Shidduchim" #869818
Oomis: Actually, I did understand your point. Your posts are very clear and intelligent. As for Mrs. Mandelbaum, I’m not so sure your view and her view are necessarily the same. Of course maybe it is, but somehow I got the idea that it’s not. And you’re right, that before I comment I should read the article. But honestly, I have no desire to. (I don’t even know where the article was written)
You mentioned she would be wise to put on a little makeup, comb her hair nicely, and wear attractive clothing. Somehow I got the feeling that Mrs. Mandelbaum was overacting. Comb their hair nicely? Where are these girls from, outer space? I don’t know Mrs. Mandelbaum, but if she can suggest plastic surgery, then in my view, she is overreacting, and likely overreacting over all that she saw. I walk in the streets of flatbush, and from what I see, the girls dress decent, they wear makeup, and their hair is combed nicely. And this is not when they are going to meet mothers! She is stating her own opinion, but that doesn’t mean other mothers there didn’t see a total different scene.
When my daughter was in shidduchim, a shadchen called me to tell me what the mother of a boy’s impression was about my daughter’s picture. The mother had said “well, her hair isn’t styled with the lastest style, but it looks neat and nice anyway, so I guess it’s ok.” Along with another such stupid comment, I right away told the shadchen, this shidduch is not for us.
As for plastic surgery, if a girl feels that SHE wants plastic surgery, that is her choice. I know of two people who had nose jobs. One got it at 14, because she begged her parents to get it for her. She did not do it to get a shidduch obviously. The other one had begged her parents, but they were not willing, and so she got it after she got married – which means it didn’t shter her shidduch prospects (she’s actually gorgeous). The fact that Mrs. Mandelbaum got it because she felt unattractive, is her prerogative. But she did it because she felt unattractive, not because she had to fear not getting a shidduch.
And the fact that many others get plastic surgery without my knowledge is perfectly fine. But to write an article suggesting girls to seek it if their looks are not perfect, that is something I don’t think is so fine.
I believe all these girls will find their bashert. They will find husbands who will find them beautiful even if some other people don’t.
While your posts are well written, what annoyed me was that you admit that today’s day people are concerned with this nonsense, yet you think it’s fine for someone to write an article encouraging the nonsense. Of course, it’s true that girls should take care of their appearance when they are in marriageable age, and it’s a mother’s job to make sure that that happens. I believe most do. There are those that don’t. If she just said what you said she would be wise to put on a little makeup, comb her hair nicely, and wear attractive clothing, I highly doubt the backlash would be the same, and if it is indeed as mild as that, then I admit my criticism is misplaced. And then I don’t understand why you call it an unfortunate attitude of today’s day. My guess is this has always applied.
Again, I did not read the article. But does it say anywhere in the article that mothers should look past a girl’s appearance and see who the girl really is? Does it say to have in mind that one day these girls will look like them (who you say are not such groiseh metzias themselves)? Does it say to look for real compatibility besides looking how the girl looks?
I wonder what the other mothers and girls in attendance have to say about this event. Did they see what Mrs. Mandelbaum saw?
Thanks for sharing 🙂 I too used this tefillah many times, and it worked.
I dont see why anyone should refrain from sending children to Israel this year. it is no less safe than NYC.
Oomis: a man who stares at a woman dressed in a burka is unlikely to have bad thoughts when looking at her. though many seem to think it’s untznius cuz they r calling attention to themselves, i highly doubt it is.April 22, 2012 12:25 pm at 12:25 pm in reply to: "Purim And The Tyranny Of Beauty: A Plea to Mothers of Girls in Shidduchim" #869810
Oomis: furthermore, getting plastic surgery isnt in vogue with the times, at least not by frum people. suggesting it is creating a whole new crazy attitude, making the whole situation worse, not better. what it actually is, is taking the goyishe practice and attitude today and bringing it into our culture. also saying that a woman is supposed to be a trophy for her husband is really demeaning to women. why should anyone put up with that? you can call it the reality for today, but it’s not an attitude that should be encouraged.
A device that would allow anything I’m looking for to beep, like you can search for the cordless phone by making it beep, or call your cell phone if you don’t know where it is.
Yoyo: my answer is no.
Computer777-even without internet??
First of all, movies can also be bad. Not all, but some can be terrible.
Second, it is very easy to carry a small stick in the pocket that nobody will know about, and insert it into the computer in order to have the internet.
yichusdik: You were wise not to respond to her. The best way to deal with people who resort to manipulation and intimidation, is to keep as far away from them as possible. It is a waste of time to try to reason with them, since their feelings and needs are all that matter to them, and in this case, their need to be right and win overrides all logic.April 22, 2012 8:32 am at 8:32 am in reply to: "Purim And The Tyranny Of Beauty: A Plea to Mothers of Girls in Shidduchim" #869809
Oomis: I have to say your post shocked me.
Mrs. Mandelbaum did not say she thought this was fair, or good, or right…..She never said she agreed that people should be preoccupied with looks instead of inner beauty.
I didn’t read the original article, but what people write, tells you exactly what they think. Nobody writes a statement, and then says, I don’t really agree with what I wrote. They write exactly what they think is correct.
People forget when seeking someone for their child, that it is the child who needs to like what they see – in this case their son. Not their mothers.
This is the system in place today, we did this to ourselves and to our children, and now we are paying the price for allowing such nonsense to proliferate in the frum velt.
Uh huh. You call it nonsense, but say it should be continued simply because that’s the way some people think? I have never heard of such logic before! If it’s nonsense, it shouldn’t be advocated to continue. A size 2 instead of a size 8? Are you kidding? That is sick!! Get plastic surgery? That’s sick, too! I would understand that one individual can have such facial features that plastic surgery would indeed be suggested, but to come home from such a event, and suggest it for several, uh uh, that is extremely shallow. Such shallowness has no place in a Jewish home.
The way to change it isn’t to tell the girls to change their appearance. My guess is they looked just fine. The attitude will have to change, when the girls do not change their appearances just to please shallow women.
Wow: A computer in the hands of a frum erlicher person can make that person no longer frum nor erlich as has happened unfortunately to too many people (even those who still look & act frum). It is the absolute worst thing to get for a confused teenage boy.
Hashem should give you koach and siyata dishmaya.
Think first: tell that to the clowns over here who think that most women leave for no good reason.
Sushe: they are quoting daas Torah, not the Torah itself.