daniela

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 50 posts - 251 through 300 (of 357 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • in reply to: Gastritis #925225
    daniela
    Participant

    What do your father and mother advise?

    daniela
    Participant

    Unfortunately many schools in Europe have the alternative of accepting public funding or closing down. A school which accepts public funds may not discriminate on gender nor on other basis, meaning that whoever accepts the school’s outlook and educational program and is willing to pay, can enroll their children. To spell it out, nonjewish children have to be accepted, as well as children from non observant families. Antwerp has a significant haredi community and that’s how they get to have a non-state-funded yeshiva. But the school for girls is within a state framework (in Belgium there are many schools which are private but partially / significally funded by the state). I would imagine the boys will be either expelled from the school if they are disruptive enough, or the tuition won’t be paid and this too would solve the problem, or (this is wishful thinking, but let’s not rule it out) the kids will be positively influenced and after a few weeks the girls’ school will arrange a male tutor for them.

    in reply to: Missing cell phone- Facebook Security says its in Bnei Brak? #921172
    daniela
    Participant

    Can’t you just call your phone and talk to the person who has it?

    in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001109
    daniela
    Participant

    Shabbat Shalom. You don’t wish that for the following Shabbat you’ll stand on your own two feet?

    Thank you also for your kind wishes, shall I say wishful thinking, calling us all “financially solvent” and disconnected (!!!) from poverty, I wonder if you are convinced that the jewish lobby runs the banks and wall street. Please also explain me the part about “catching” someone on the internet. You mean exposing a hypotetical fraud? We don’t have time for frauds, HKBH takes care of frauds and reshaim.

    in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001098
    daniela
    Participant

    I am sorry, we all have an obligation to take care of the people in our communities, the people whose heartbreaking story we know first-hand, the people who in the past gave generously and now have fallen onto hard times. We can hardly do that, in the current economy. May I dare suggesting everyone is in the same situation and this is why no one has been able to help?

    in reply to: Having kids while having a history of genetic disorder #924802
    daniela
    Participant

    MomX4 in some cases this makes sense, say a couple who needs to make life decisions, but there are other minimally invasive and low risk tests with good confidence level, one can e.g. seek foetal cells in maternal bloodstream, which together with an accurate ecography (with a well-calibrated machine) and tri-test or 4-test are pretty reliable. Rabbi Moshe was niftar before the latest advancements in medicine and there are options he did not know about. These tests should actually be offered before amniocentesis or villocentesis, because a biased sample causes many false positives and false negatives, but unfortunately, this does not always happen.

    However, in most cases it makes little or no sense to know in advance, it’s just extra heartache and stress, and also, there are many potential problems and only few can be diagnosed even with invasive exams such as amniocentesis and villocentesis. Also, for Down Syndrome there’s no reason to give birth in a hospital with NICU. If a person feels safer in giving birth close to a NICU, they should just plan to go to a larger hospital. Peace of mind is important and helps with an easy birth.

    in reply to: Having kids while having a history of genetic disorder #924797
    daniela
    Participant

    I would like to tell a story. I hope moderators publish it even though it’s crude and not really suited to the website, but perhaps it can be an additional element for considerations about prenatal and prenuptial genetical diagnosis.

    I saw a well-known specialist, and let me remark, an atheist and a nonjew. I did not go to him to waste his time, nor did I ask out of hypocondrya: we had reasons.

    First of all, kol hakavod, he was extremely honest, bordering on brutal, and told me that the one and only solution which medical science makes available in our days, is abortion. The pre-pregnancy tests are unreliable: actually, over 80% of pregnancies (not zygotes, but pregnancies, ie the embryo implants) in supposedly healthy couples are nonviable and most women don’t even realize about them. Viceversa there are couples where genetic testing shows problems, but do have healthy children, and we have no clue because we do not fully understand gene expression, much less do we understand the interaction with immune system and other biochemical chains. Usually the implant of nonviable embryos, such as the trisomies which are not compatible with life (not Down, but those with life expectations of a few months) either does not happen or it fails shortly afterwards, which is the reason most pregnancies (among those pregnancies we notice, that is) appear to be healthy. Or, simply, these couples have bad genetic tests but might keep generating healthy zygotes that divide and implant normally and grow to term into beautiful and healthy children and adults and have a long healthy life. Genetic science has gone a long way from the “dogma” that a gene codifies a single protein and expresses a single phenotype trait.

    That said, he added that he does his best with diagnosing couples who find it morally acceptable to abort a foetus with severe problems, which does not mean committing to do – some change their mind and this must be respected, but if one has no intention of aborting to begin with, then it is pointless to do medical procedures which are potentially harmful to the woman and the foetus and are a cost for the taxpayer and a waste of time for medical professionals who have many patients and little time.

    Having clarified that, he pointed out all he could guarantee is his effort to provide state-of-the-art medical insight according to which the patient must decide whether or not to terminate pregnancy. It is well-known that many “therapeutically aborted” foetuses turn out to be physiologically fine at autoptic exam, which adds to the tragedy of a couple who aborted a beloved and desired foetus. In addition, he told me about a couple who went to great length and expenses to have a genetically healthy baby, after various tragedies. I will not detail the medical history to protect the privacy of a fellow patient, I will only say the family, who was determined to terminate the pregnancy if there were serious problems, did all available exams, not only genetical but also functional. The baby however only survived for a few months of (very difficult) life: was genetically healthy but had a congenital defect which was not possible to diagnose in utero. There was no fault and no medical error by the doctors who did 3rd level ecography, blood flux and whatever other tests: only with extrauterine circulation and respiration was it possible to diagnose the problem. The doctor said, this is how things are, think about it, talk about it, and if you need, I am here.

    I thanked him a lot and chose basic prenatal care, declining further testing.

    in reply to: Tzedukim and Karaim #919828
    daniela
    Participant

    I believe I heard we do not suspect them (in general) of being nonjewish because they married among each others since many generations. Even if someone had been improperly converted or had a nonjewish mother, we assume those people eventually left the fold. Those who remain are mixed into the community and they all have a presumption of being jewish. Of course this does not apply to a Karaite with a known nonjewish mother or maternal grandmother.

    in reply to: Tzedukim and Karaim #919820
    daniela
    Participant

    Their status is different than Reform Jews. They have a mesorah and it is wrong, so, they are sofek mamzerim and we stay away from them. There are many in Israel too, they fled Egypt in previous decades, and in Israel they don’t always talk about their Karaite descent. It’s something to be aware of.

    in reply to: Questions on Jewish Status/Identity #918854
    daniela
    Participant

    I am not sure I understand how the second child can possibly be a mamzer, given that his father is a nonjew and his mother is a convert.

    in reply to: Chasidish cheder- my gripes about child safety #918938
    daniela
    Participant

    We did not see the facts, you did. We can’t evaluate from your words only, if you are overreacting or if there is a legitimate concern. Why don’t you ask a mom who raised a few boys to come along with you, next time you go there? Or if he can find the time, your husband? I don’t like the american way where children are kept on a leash until they are teenagers (and then obviously they rebel and do very stupid things and harm themselves and other people) and I have the feeling this is your first child and you are worried about something perfectly normal, but safety is serious business and if indeed there is a danger, things have to change. No one here can guess whether there is, or isn’t.

    in reply to: Parental Controls #917875
    daniela
    Participant

    Not sure if this is a review or an infomercial. FWIW I would never install this stuff upon my phone and send private data, much less children’s private data, to some remote server which you obviously trust very much (I wouldn’t). You can set up your own VPN and your own transparent proxy, if you want to. That said, if someone gives a smartphone to a child, they either have a very good reason (which is uncommon) or they don’t.

    in reply to: Inadvertently taking extra merchandise – halacha #918165
    daniela
    Participant

    Zahavasdad, if they really want to, they can do it very conveniently with, say, English translations of the Talmud which in our days are promptly available. We should keep discussion on topic: the OP is in Asia, he buys at a shop, and storing his shopping at home, he finds himself with an extra item along with whatever he meant to buy.

    in reply to: Inadvertently taking extra merchandise – halacha #918159
    daniela
    Participant

    Oh come on. I may be a yukel but I had never heard the word yukel before. Kol HaKavod to Asians who read here and who are fluent in yiddish, they sure are smart enough to frame the discussion. BTW I just asked someone and i was told budhu means naive, it is not flattering but not an insulting word either. It is more like “naive” or “foolish” than like “stupid” or “idiot”. The lady with the strawberries, assuming she did not fill a basket which had been half-emptied by previous thieves (in which case it is proper to ask an employee to do, or go to the cashier) is outright geneiva, why do some feel the need to badmouth and post something totally unrelated? She is a bad woman and stay away from her.

    in reply to: Inadvertently taking extra merchandise – halacha #918149
    daniela
    Participant

    Akuperma, shoplifting?! Theft??!! there is not even the shadow of shoplifting. The clerk gave an extra lid which passed unnoticed, or at least, so thinks TheBearIsBack. The OP doesn’t even care for the lid, but it’s now in his possession. He is totally willing to give it back in the case it’s proper to do so (suppose a very contrived scenario in which the lid is really owned by a yid who did not give up on it and it ended up there?) He is willing to give it back to the nonjew if appropriate. BUT, what you probably don’t realize is that, if he does want to give it back (say he wants to show the shop what a Yid is like and make a kiddush Hashem) it’s not just a matter of a few seconds or a few cents, here is what likely he has to do. Go to the closest internet cafe, open some random webpage, ask around who speaks some english. Ask who is willing to do you a favour, and request that they write “Dear shop owner, this was in my bag by mistake, I only realized at home. I did not use, is clean. I return. Pleasure to buy at your shop. Thank you.” Make sure they understand what you have told them. Take the paper and thank for their bother, and pay something to the boy. Pay the internet shop for the service you did not want nor care for. Go to the shop with your piece of paper, go to the cashier and hand out the lid and the paper. Watch the employee call someone else to make sure they understood and watch the three or four of them discuss (in the meanwhile, unpaid time flies). And then who knows? May be it turns out that there is a SPECIAL, buy large container with lid, get small lid for free, the lids which were unavailable the previous month and customers were mad, so the manager suggested “special offer”!!!

    OK if someone wants to do – fine – but I don’t think you can say that keeping the lid amounts to shoplifting.

    TheBearIsBack please explain what is a yukel. I’d keep the lid and enjoy it.

    in reply to: Inadvertently taking extra merchandise – halacha #918136
    daniela
    Participant

    TheBearisBack my apologies but sometimes over the internet it is hard to figure out what’s behind a post.

    Since this is not a beis midrash but, after all, a coffeeroom, I’ll take the liberty to write. I am female, I go shopping 🙂 I was taught that even people who have deities etc. normally we don’t treat like ovdei avodah zarah as long as they have some idea (possibly very distorted) that good is different from bad and that good is preferable to bad. Thus, if we see a pagan nazi y”sh etc etc, but for just about everyone else (hindu, catholics etc) we stop, try to help and call 911 even in the middle of nowhere. For a mistake like that or extra change, and where the mistake is absolutely not ours, I believe we keep and say nothing. We can return the extra item or extra money or offer to pay the lid, if doing so gives monetary gain (e.g. expected discounts in future) or good-name gain which is larger than the price of the lid (or extra change, or whatever). I believe it is assur to return the lid to the nonjew, regardless of their religion or lack thereof, because it makes us feel good to do so.

    in reply to: Inadvertently taking extra merchandise – halacha #918128
    daniela
    Participant

    “This is a serious halachic discussion – I’ve decided what I am going to do anyway, but I’m interested in what halachic sources say I should do.”

    So, why do you ask?

    in reply to: stuttering problem for shidduchim #919909
    daniela
    Participant

    Let’s face it, she won’t be perfect either. But she will be perfect to you. You will be the perfect one for her. Dont worry

    in reply to: Dealing with an Atheist "Convert" #917640
    daniela
    Participant

    zahavasdad, apologies, I did not notice the date and that your post is one year old.

    in reply to: Dealing with an Atheist "Convert" #917639
    daniela
    Participant

    FWIW (I don’t presume to be giving useful advice, it is a very delicate matter) if it were me, I would not go out of my way to seek this person. But should it happen that I speak to him, I would ask how he deduces, say, from the assumption that God does not exist, which is an abstract idea, statements such as “eating shrimp is fine” or “stealing is fine”. He is likely to reply that he does not think at all that stealing is fine – because it hurts another human being, or something like that – OK awesome you’ve found many points of agreement, same applies in regard to not hurt another human being etc. As for seafood and sausages, he may say that he likes that food (stay silent, let him draw his conclusions, that he is seeking to justify something he had already decided to do) or maybe he says that he tasted them and they are awful and will never eat again (that’s not the best, but better than some), or maybe he will say why should I refrain? It’s told to us in the Torah, but the Torah was not written by God…. oh wait, which God? let him get into confusion. To such remarks, just reply the discussion should not involve God which we can not prove or disprove, that whoever wrote the Torah appear to you pretty bright and smart and he is free to disagree but has to support his point. Always bring back the discussion to concrete situations and keep asking whether he can prove that a life with the “pleasant” aveirot he lists (tell him to list them) is more fulfilling than one without. From time to time also keep telling him that you greatly respect decent atheists and that the same respect is taken for granted in return.

    I don’t think it will change his outlook but I do think it will help him feel he is being taken seriously, it may make him think (and possibly change his mind about some very minor details, but who can weigh a seemingly small mitzva) and given the situation with his son, it is very important that he does not go “out to battle” against the observant people, if you can convince him the world is wide enough for all sort of people, life for his son will be much easier. Be Hatzlacha.

    in reply to: What did the dirty diaper-throwing individuals hope to accomplish? #917398
    daniela
    Participant

    they’re gangs of ODT kids who dress like they used to, and among other things, they harass cars driving on Shabbat.

    in reply to: iPod Repair – Looking for a Recommendation #916917
    daniela
    Participant

    I would recommend getting an ipad / ipod which can be jailbroken and thus it’s possible to install filters for security and protection from garbage which on mobile devices is even worse than on computers. You can ask someone to do for you and it should not cost more than a token amount. Obviously make sure the person who sets it up is available in the future, and keeps your root password, for any changes you may want to do to the device.

    in reply to: Jews forced off Jet Blue Flight #916242
    daniela
    Participant

    Flight attendants are overtired, overworked, rude (that’s the only way they can do their job, sort of, and land us safely in those overfilled metal cans), and sometimes they can be plain racist. With some airlines it gets even worse, for the passengers as well as for the employees. Politely ask someone to exchange seats (and expect problems when the crew bring your special meals).

    in reply to: Be nice! #916561
    daniela
    Participant

    DaMoshe have you run out of nice decent nonjews who know manners and who do their utmost best to be respectful, that you need to defend the indefensible? A racist waitress who unloads her hatred for the jewish people, especially those who insist on living like jews instead of entering the melting pot, upon someone (your family) who were particularly nice with her? And during work, no less? Yes, I believe what you say, that she was polite and nice to you and your family. Does it take so little to blind you?

    We all know educated, elegant, polite African-Americans who are successful doctors or lawyers, and I am sure we all at some point heard some of them elaborate upon how much they despise the african-american “culture”. Not the same thing by a far cry: the african-american mindset, where crime and prison is an adulthood rite, is unacceptable to decent humans of whatever skin color, while the frum culture is unacceptable only to antisemites. Yet, does that mean it’d be appropriate to say “Wow, you guys are nice! Usually African-American customers are pretty disgusting to me, but you guys are different.” Had the waitress said so to a table of elegant African-American upscale professionals who went to Ivy League colleges, what do you suppose would happen? how do you suppose they would react? Notice, this is regardless of the sad fact that there are plenty of criminals, addicts and bums among african-americans, which inevitably translates into prejudices.

    But I am more interested about how you would react. Would you find it acceptable, had you been out for dinner with a dark-skinned colleague (jewish or nonjewish, african-american or not; but dark-skinned and thus assumed to be an african-american by a waiter) and had your waiter spitted out the same rant about some imaginary or real rude afro-american customers? Or would you have been insulted and offended and enraged, despite your (I assume) white complexion? If your son were to tell your muslim colleague who comes for dinner “you are so nice, but the rest of Arabs are disgusting”, would you be proud of him? Is that how you teach your children? If not, if you teach them like all of us, that there are many arab terrorists (ie, not rude people who however pay premium $$$$ for their lunch, not even small thieves or pushers, but despicable beings who blow up or butcher R”L children and old ladies and pregnant women and then celebrate and dance) and yet this is no reason to insult our fellow human and they should be respectful — why is it suddendly fine, and actually, worth rebroadcasting in a positive light (!!!), when Jews are insulted?

    I also wonder why does the waitress who takes issue with kosher customers, happen to serve most of them? Do all of the “nice” waiters in that restaurant take issue with kosher customers and she is the most junior? Or is there another reason? Either way, an interesting tidbit to ponder.

    in reply to: Be nice! #916553
    daniela
    Participant

    Oomis, if some hypotetical jew deserves mussar for supposedly having been rude to a waitress who makes mistakes in orders (and whom we entrust with the kashrut of our food, because you surely realize that wraps and seals protect against ovens used for nonkosher food, against accidental mistakes, and against nonjews touching the foods they should not touch, but double wraps are helpless against deliberate actions, done out of hatred and spite), I wonder what is in store, for a jew who is told by a waitress “you are nice and different, but the rest of *you* are disgusting” and who not only promptly assumes that “bad jews” went to dinner there, but proceeds to post a rant on a website. I would not want to be upon his pedestal. Nor would I want to be upon yours.

    DaMoshe: did you see those hypotetical jews (actually, they could have been Muslims, vegetarians, buddhists, people that cut down on pork for medical reasons, people allergic to shellfish, people who like something among the kosher entries on the menu….) behaving inappropriately? I was under the impression you didn’t. If you saw the scene, and if it seemed to you those hypotetical frum jews were rude to the waitress, why did you not talk to them in a gentle manner? I was under the impression you only heard the tale of the waitress, which you promptly and unconditionally believe and report, despite the fact she did not get your own order right, thus it’s not far-fetched to imagine she made some “innocuous” mistake in other orders. Even if there was some unpleasant discussion, you have no idea what happened. Say the lady brought a dish of meat and then decided to “help” and unwrap it, accidentally touching it with her (hygienically clean) hands in the process? Say the jew made a scene in front of all the clientele, and of course had the meat thrown in the trash, lest it is served to the next unsuspecting customer, possibly some am haaretz or someone not-so-observant who nevertheless keeps kosher, but won’t check carefully the seals and will trust the waitress? Would that jew have been rude? When we sit down in a kosher restaurant which is not owned by G-d fearing jews, don’t we rely on the laws of the land, which don’t allow fraud and which the nonjews are and should be scared of? They must be afraid that any “innocuous” or “inconsequential” kashrut violation will wreak havoc upon their life, and if they are not afraid, we can’t eat in there, can we? Is that not the crux of the famous teshuvot in this regard, those we all rely upon? And, even to a nonjew it is forbidden to sell treif food presenting it as kosher.

    One last consideration. Maybe this waitress who knows better than judaism and better than Torah R”L will receive an order for kosher food from a table with not-so-modestly dressed ladies. She will go in the kitchen and ask, “is there by any chance some unwrapped kosher food? There’s an order, but they are not religious jews, so we don’t have to follow their stupid stringencies”. Suppose the customers are nonjewish and their clothing are none of our business, but one of them is severely allergic. What do you say?

    in reply to: Be nice! #916549
    daniela
    Participant

    The only person lacking derech eretz is the employee. I would have left no tip and talked to management.

    I have no idea if she had had whatever discussion with some jewish-looking customer (who could have been anyone asking for kosher food, actually) and if so, whether the customer was right (I notice there was some mistake in your order, so she doesn’t appear to be the epitome of professionality), or whether the waitress was. Let us assume, for the sake of discussion, that some customer was rude to her. This is no reason to call an ethnical group “pretty disgusting to me”. The lady would never dare making such a comment about African-Americans, would she. If she did, she would be made to regret it sorely — and she would fully deserve whatever unpretty consequences would be coming to her.

    in reply to: Some notes about what it means to be truly poor… #1001014
    daniela
    Participant

    We give a little bit to those who ask, we don’t check to their stories, and cut conversation short, lest we induce them to lie. If they don’t really need the money, BH. But you are suggesting we give 20-30$ every day to anyone who asks? Did you give out money like that, when you were well-off? If so, how many times were you taken advantage of?

    Most people will gladly write checks when someone we trust talks to us. Let me tell you an interesting fact of life: only a small fraction of those who truly need and deserve help, will ask for it. Lots of people will do the impossible, beg for work everywhere and cut every expense, even essential ones, but do not ask, and if ever they receive any help it’s because some kind soul, usually by chance, stumbles upon their predicament and becomes aware. If you feel insulted by two dollars, to the point you basically curse those who open their wallet (likely for the umpteenth time in the day), I am very sorry, but I can not help it. One last thing: I happen to see people who are in desperate need themselves and yet open their wallet and give a dollar to a fellow jew.

    in reply to: Going off the Derech #1182586
    daniela
    Participant

    He is not the sort of boy I would be comfortable with knowing he has a weapon, is he.

    The Torah of truth does not advice that children should be rewarded if they do wrong and does not suggest we forbid the permissible. You can keep following that path and you can be sure things will not improve.

    For all the curious readers, I have children. They are golden and they are smart, even though, of course, far from being even close to their teachers, let alone being compared G-d forbid to the Rishonim, to whom even the gedolim of our generation can’t compare.

    in reply to: Going off the Derech #1182550
    daniela
    Participant

    WOW This is a public thread, I think, correct me if I am wrong, and it is my very humble opinion that no one should have to give explanations and excuses for following it. It looks like you did not notice, but plenty of readers have been restraining themselves, as there is a mitzvah to be silent when our words of truth will not be well-received. It did not occur to you that perhaps I am possibly aware that the facts are, let me not say different, let me use an understatement and say more complicated, as opposed to how you represented things here?

    @interjection, I assume you have read the whole thread as it was posted, if you did not yet, please do.

    in reply to: Going off the Derech #1182533
    daniela
    Participant

    I would imagine a number of people besides Ana Mia have noticed that the thread is problematic on many levels. Some, in fact, posted their doubts some months ago, while others kept their doubts to themselves. It is my opinion that moderators should have closed the discussion a long time ago.

    in reply to: Heartwarming, inspiring stories of Jewish community #1023310
    daniela
    Participant

    In my very humble opinion, every Jewish story is inspiring and something to learn from, even the ones we don’t like. Did you finally get the chance to talk to a Rabbi? I hope he took some time to talk to you and paid attention (as opposed to phoning, texting, checking email etc), if he didnt, please consider he has loads of things to do, not enough time, not enough money, not enough power, and heartbreaking stories that flood him every day. This is true whatever Rabbi you talked to.

    in reply to: Suicide (R"L) #901807
    daniela
    Participant

    Perhaps you can also have someone talk to the family and insist he is brought to kvura as soon as possible. Do you know if the family is trying to, or even if they are willing, to give him a jewish burial? Even if your Rabbi did not personally know him, he will help; you are willing to ask the CR, and no one here knew the man; you no doubt can ask your rabbi the same question. It is a complicated issue.

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941577
    daniela
    Participant

    Hmmm….. MOs have a Rabbi and they treat him like that?

    in reply to: Sensitive infomation to be relayed reagarding shidduchim #899702
    daniela
    Participant

    Is it not quite self-evident that “Sheva Brachos” was a joke? I am starting to realize how the most absurd slander against haredim does not seem to get questioned.

    in reply to: Going off the Derech #1182358
    daniela
    Participant

    Dear WOW we have tried to tell us our thoughts and opinions for whatever little they were worth, but at this time, the situation is way too complex and delicate to dare speaking. Your son may need one kind of approach or the opposite kind of approach. No one can advice unless they know him very well.

    Chag Sameach to you all, gmar chatima tova.

    in reply to: WORLDWIDE JEWISH SIMULTANEOUS PRAYER FOR GUEULA #897924
    daniela
    Participant

    Two millions protestors according to the organizers, a few hundreds according to police.

    in reply to: Post-fasting tips #1186002
    daniela
    Participant

    Syag Lchochma – thank you for the laugh!

    No one mentions bread with salt and vodka?

    in reply to: please pass along; cars being TOWED from toys r us parking lot!! #1017362
    daniela
    Participant

    TY shein, done 🙂

    in reply to: please pass along; cars being TOWED from toys r us parking lot!! #1017357
    daniela
    Participant

    RachelB, I am very sorry to hear and thank you for the heads-up; is there an address people can write and complain? I’ll do it.

    in reply to: inspiring Rosh Hashanah story #897180
    daniela
    Participant

    Are you suggesting she said (the post does not say “shouted”) shana tova with a smile through a thick window? A timid person who the previous days did not dare talking to them, nor knocking on the door, would now shout through the window at people (men) who are praying?

    The story is no less beautiful if some details were embellished or misunderstood (I have not accused Aurora of being false; perhaps those people are conservadox, who have been very nice and kind and who did a big mitzva, and were dressed for yom tov, and Aurora is not expected to be able to discriminate, but readers are). The story is cheapened if we force reader to accept all details even when they don’t add up.

    in reply to: inspiring Rosh Hashanah story #897177
    daniela
    Participant

    I have not said it is impossible, I just said that doubts arise.

    Of course people can go away, especially if they live in some place without a big community, but religious jews would go to a retreat with some famous rabbi and where they don’t have to cook, they would hardly rent a house on the beach front for the ten days, and in Ocean City. Which, for those who have never been to NJ, is a place where alcoholic beverages are forbidden (!!! on yomim tovim !!!) and which is entertainment-oriented and not suited to the ten-days mood. I have read your theories, but they seem to me doubtful. Only the men go out and do tashlich, without women and especially without the children? And how can it be tashlich, given that according to the original post they did this each morning and every afternoon? OK, perhaps they had just finished davening, fair enough. But is it usual that a group of male religious jews would talk to a woman who is alone on the beach? They would return the greeting (in Israel possibly not even that). Moreover, she says that only one of them approached her at first. And one more thing, she was picking shells and garbage. Kol Ha Kavod (honor to you) and thanks to Aurora for cleaning the beach (perhaps it could have waited till after Yom Tov). But the orthodox jews don’t invite her indoors where she will be able to wash?

    in reply to: inspiring Rosh Hashanah story #897168
    daniela
    Participant

    more_2 has noticed what we all noticed, if these are “orthodox jewish men”, there are halachot about praying outside when a building is available. Not to mention it is “uncommon” to go on vacation for the high holidays, rent a house on the ocean front (and clean it up: when?) especially for someone that ordinarily lives in NY/NJ, have children play on the beach on yom tov, etc etc. But they must consider themselves very holy, if they have no need of a minyan for Rosh Hashana, perhaps they feel they were sealed the previous year already?

    I did not want to ruin the warm fuzzy feeling, and I was taught that not everything we think needs to be said, but let it be a reminder to use a grain of salt or two, in regards to what we read. Especially on the internet.

    in reply to: Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered #991182
    daniela
    Participant

    I apologize for having to spell it out, but we are taught that eating pork, a cheeseburger, and some treif beef cooked with butter, is less severe a transgression than cooking kosher meat into, say, a metal pot we put on the fire and which we used in the same way a few hours ago with dairy, then washed it with standard dishwashing liquid; and is less severe than eating vegetables which contain even one bug which would be eaten in its entirety. Your point about “mistakes with keilim” has nothing to do with this particular situation. The issue is not making sure the food is kosher, at this time. Whatever kosher meat (same with wine) the original poster may buy and cook properly and in a kosher pan, will be problematic for an observant person to eat, because of having been handled (sorry to have to spell this out too). But we are discussing a completely different point, that is to say, how to minimize the problems for the original poster, who wishes to improve her observance but at this time is not going to have someone help kasher her kitchen, nor is she going to have someone explain her the laws (and explain the basics to her family, as they have to cooperate).

    The Rishon LeZion (who, by the way, speaks about “davening” i.e. attending their “services” or whatever, while you recommend not to socialize at all with those people – which is not what the Rabbi said) is referring to observant jews who are in some remote place and would like to pray with a minyan for Rosh Hashana, and all over the town there is one minyan only and it’s at the “reform meeting-place”. The original poster is in a very different situation; the correct approach is to ask a question from a Torah scholar, explaining her situation and asking for advice.

    And, back to the main point, Aurora is in the legal profession and in fact she is, if I understand well, some sort of public prosecutor. What will she do when a jew (it’s irrelevant how abhorrent) is in front of her? (possibly being accused of one of the usual blood libels). It’s not a far-fetched fantasy or nightmare, as there are many jews in her town. Ready now: I have read your comments on nonjewish courts elsewhere in the CR; fair enough, but now you have to explain how it’s possible to act according to halacha, for a jewish prosecutor (who grew up unaware of being jewish) in the middle of nowhere, with no support, no connections, with no Rabbi to ask questions, with no background in Torah education. Not only that, but even if she somehow had a Rabbi helping her make the right decisions, she will encounter many problems in her workplace: it would be hard already in NYC or Israel, but being alone against everyone is extremely difficult. I don’t have good suggestions for Aurora, but it is my opinion that she should talk to a Rabbi without further delay, because none of us are qualified to give advice in such a delicate situation.

    in reply to: Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered #991180
    daniela
    Participant

    Dear readynow:

    regardless of how abhorrent a reform jew may be, the halacha regarding moser is in full force.

    Please also do not misuse the words of the Rishon Le Zion since I don’t recall people advising Aurora to go to the “building” the reforms use, in fact I recall posters clearly recommending not to go. In addition, the Rabbi is obviously referring to people who are definitely jewish for all halachical purposes. Aurora needs to go to a Rabbi and clarify her status, and then all decisions will be easier. Incidentally, even in the event someone were non jewish, the conduct outlined in the beginning of my post would be a very serious problem.

    A Rabbi might tell someone not to worry about dishes and cutlery, but what about pots? My humble advice to someone who wants to buy kosher meat, is not to touch anything in the kitchen for a full day (go to the restaurant) before buying kosher meat for the first time, and get a new pot for it. It’s not my place to teach, but if someone advises to cook kosher meat in the pot previously used with butter (assuming we believe it ever happened, because I have never seen a jew who was so unintelligent) that person would be some huge am haaretz and arrogant boor. That person should have answered “I do not know”.

    in reply to: Going off the Derech #1182283
    daniela
    Participant

    Shana Tova to you and your family as well…. sorry I don’t write more, I am in a hurry as usually 😉

    in reply to: Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered #991171
    daniela
    Participant

    Dear Aurora

    we can chat with you and give you whatever little support we can, and we are happy to, but nobody can give you serious help on the internet, you have to contact a reputable orthodox rabbi with experience in this kind of problems, tell him the facts you know about your family, and let him sort everything out. You are in a very complex situation: first you have to prove, according to jewish law, that you are jewish (the rabbi will explain you how this can be done), then after jewishness is established there are other subtleties, which I am not sure it’s appropriate to discuss on the cofferoom nor do I feel I should dare in my ignorance to discuss. These are very delicate questions that have to be addressed by a rabbi who knows all the facts.

    I am sure you will have no problem in finding a husband who is as passionate as you are about cats: as others have said, there are many such people, even though they are not the majority, but you need only one husband.

    readynow, I grew up with a very clear sense (not perfect, but yet) of what is forbidden and what is permissible, and I have the strong impression it is the same for you, as well as for those people you mention, that they learned in a few days. One thing is a person who grew up frei and his/her parents made him/her aware of all the laws but ignored or mocked them (some laws, anyway, as there are frei yidden who risked a lot on their neighbour’s behalf), and he/she now wants to become observant, fair enough. But here, the problem is that Aurora does not know what to do. She was previously eating nonkosher meat, which is forbidden, no question. Suppose she now makes an effort and buys kosher meat and cooks it in a pot with milchig taste (not spoiled) – is this any less forbidden? or is it a *more* serious transgression? Are we helping this person, or what? And, judaism goes well beyond the kitchen. You realize that Aurora is in a very delicate job, and nobody here is qualified to comment about it and about the halachic ramifications. However, due to the fact she mentioned living in a town with conservative and reform “synagogues”, we can infer there is a significant jewish community in her town, be it unaffiliated, affiliated to non-halachic groups, or even intermarried / baptized / whatever but still jewish. This makes it very important for a rabbi to get involved and to explain what Torah law says.

    in reply to: Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered #991167
    daniela
    Participant

    I had the impression that aurora77 is in her late 30s, because she is an established attorney (if I recall correctly). Should she wait to seek her soulmate? possibly, but let a reputable Rabbi say so, no one of us is qualified to give this advice which potentially may be regretted for a lifetime.

    Also, there are issues beyond the observance, because her status is not completely clear, if I understood correctly, and correct me if I am wrong.

    Aurora77 maybe we look nosey with all those questions about your private life, please forgive us, we are trying to help.

    in reply to: Did Neil Armstrong really land on the moon?? #896897
    daniela
    Participant

    Neil Armstrong was confronted with the recording, having always maintained he said “a man”, and he admitted in TV he did not hear it either. He still insisted being sure having pronounced it.

    Decades later, someone deconvolved the soundtrack (remember there is about 2 seconds delay and sound transmission was nothing like hifi) and claimed the “a” was there. I am not sure if anyone did a serious analysis of the voice processing, which would likely be inconclusive.

    in reply to: Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered #991162
    daniela
    Participant

    This question should be asked to a rabbi or anyway to someone smarter than me. But would it be helpful to put this issue aside, or would it make even more difficult for you and your other half to meet each others?

    in reply to: Where to start becoming Jewish when family roots discovered #991159
    daniela
    Participant

    Dear Aurora

    there is no such thing as a second-class jew. Or as the Lubavicher Rabbi (Chabad) said it, there are jews who do mitzvot (commandments), jews who do more mitzvot, jews who do even more mitzvot. You should keep that in mind, whatever you decide to do in the future.

    I think you should focus on finding a jewish spouse. I know it is difficult in a place which does not have a big community and most people are reform / conservative / unaffiliated. But if you think fast forward 30 years, this will have enormous impact on your life and shape your future.

    Have you thought of asking someone to come and help you and kasher your kitchen?

    It’s very hard to give advice about shabbos without knowing you and what you find difficult, but perhaps you can post questions, many people try to answer and give different viewpoints and suggestions, hopefully you will be able to find some little piece of advice that suits you.

Viewing 50 posts - 251 through 300 (of 357 total)