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  • in reply to: Anybody else suffering After Recovering From the Covid-19 #1879077
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Yes! Didn’t test positive but couldn’t get a test for the first few weeks of symptoms and now 93 days into these crazy symptoms. There is a “long haulers” support group on slack, many of us have had shortness of breath, chest pains, severe fatigue, brain fog, arthritic symptoms, neuro symptoms (pins and needles, numbness, headaches etc) and elevated heart rate, dizziness etc.

    You can see some related articles here:

    Links removed
    There are also a couple of groups if you’re on FB, look up “Long Haul Covid” or “Post Covid Syndrome Support”.

    Hang in there, you’re not crazy, the medical world needs to catch up!!

    in reply to: What drives your marriage? #1026830
    dveykus613
    Participant

    🙁 why’d my post get denied?

    nothing personal

    in reply to: Tehillim for missing Monsey man- Peretz Yehuda ben Mirel #1008796
    dveykus613
    Participant

    daven, storm shomayim…!

    in reply to: growing for a guy #1009367
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I think its always better with a rav/hadracha but not all guys are zocheh to that

    So if they can’t, as long as there’s a real mekor from a sefer of someone widely accepted (ie mishna brura, the gr”a, etc) hopefully it’s all good growth

    its still better to have a mentor to help them decide what to do first etc to not take on too much too fast, but again not everyone is zocheh to that even if they try

    would be nice if klal yisrael could set up a system of mentors taking on/seeking out 20 students to be madrich – even so I imagine there would be a deficit…

    in reply to: A Startlingly Simple Theory About the Missing Malaysia Airlines Jet #1009398
    dveykus613
    Participant

    sounds like a good theory but then where’s the plane and why didn’t they at least find charred parts?

    in reply to: Good major in college for a bais yaakov girl #1008501
    dveykus613
    Participant

    writersoul – correct but as you said, there are generic classes toward your BA where you can do ones that focus on the other fields you’d consider, and the most important advice is try to get your feet wet in more than one of them – so even if you’re major in graphic arts and working in that, but you took 2 classes in education or teaching methodology etc, try to get an “in” by subbing from time to time (or as a summer job or whatever) and that way if you ever go that route you’ve 1) gotten experience that you can put on your resume and 2) you’ve proven to yourself you can do it so that’s not a hurdle later, you have confidence in each realm you’re considering…

    therapy would be harder but you could take psych courses and find out if there’s some sort of volunteer capacity you could hear people out in, or at least take the prerequisites that you can decide later to go on for a master’s and training fairly easily…

    in reply to: Good major in college for a bais yaakov girl #1008498
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I trained as a programmer, but always thought about being a teacher and/or a therapist. Being married with kids has changed lots of things (ie time limitations, caring more for meaning in life etc) and I now seriously regret not having trained in therapy and/or teaching…

    SO my suggestion is to make a list of the top 2 or 3 things you’re THINKING about (even if you think it’s not going to make enough money but will fulfill you, or you think one option might drain you emotionally or otherwise but later in life it might not, circumstances change) and train in BOTH or all three!! you can major in anything (Even liberal arts) but make sure you have the training to do any of the things you feel are “you” or even potentially/partially you, as later in life there may be time and financial constraints to going back to school…

    and daven for guidance!! 🙂 Good luck!!

    in reply to: Does anybody realize the implications? #1007688
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Besalel – the part that is shmad is the fact that the government is trying to take care that the idea of someone devoting their life completely to torah in the kosalei beis medrash should be obliterated (reminiscent of the yevanim – you can “keep torah” as an intellectual pursuit as long as its translated etc, as long as the yidden take part in “sports”, etc) – just not to be an exclusively kadosh Jew

    (I’m not saying that a person who works can’t be mekadeish everything he does, though admittedly the outside world makes that more and more challenging – BUT as far as I understand it, THAT is the concept that they are trying to fight and arguing that they are trying to “shmad” that kind of Yid – and they’re probably right. Lapid and his cohorts have said so blatantly and then follow up with “and its better for them too” (when who knows if they’re trying to force their value system on us, or really as some suggest, are trying to make sure they won’t be outnumbered in elections in the near future…) )

    in reply to: Mayor R' Abutbul #1007465
    dveykus613
    Participant

    simcha – I never heard of such a thing though some people might like to spout lies, I have seen firsthand how much Abutbul has built up the city of Beit Shemesh (ie Dati Leumi and Chiloni parts) as well – between apartment projects by BIG (not for chareidim at all), the Naimi Mall, BIG Fashion mall which is American style and very modern in their area, the ezor taasiya (industrial area), expanding both the back highway and fighting for the 38 expansion – which services everyone…and that’s only what I know about firsthand!

    besalel – it’s about much more than that, not a racist thing. In this country if you have a charedi candidate it’s known that they will basically be a proxy (and listen with every move) to the gedolei hador, which can’t be said about their counterparts…

    in reply to: Does anybody realize the implications? #1007614
    dveykus613
    Participant

    yichusdik – it depends on your perspective. We tend to think how you wrote. But the Chofetz Chaim who used to go around raising for his Yeshiva in Radin was once offered by a rich gvir that he would give the full amount needed for the next 5 years. The Chofetz Chaim refused (despite the fact that it meant more bitul torah for him to go around) and said he’s happy to give him a portion, but he has to save the zechus supporting torah for many more people in klal yisroel. If someone would refuse, the Chofetz Chaim would only be saddened that the person was giving up on a chance for the zechus of supporting talmud torah. (Also see the Zohar on “v’yevaeik ish imo” on the struggle between Sar shel Esav and Yaakov Avinu – will shed alot of light on this topic as well)

    in reply to: quote from Charedi soldier at Atzeres #1006736
    dveykus613
    Participant

    DaMoshe: the “old way” it only affected people who wanted to work. Now that new legislation was passed they are trying to force the learners not to learn. and even if, for now, they allow some learners, some in the government are trying to cap it at 400 or 800 max…which the gedolim would never agree to, we need as much torah as we can for protection here

    I find it ironic that the other huge issue in israeli politics these days is iran/hamas/hizbullah and our other “neighbors” and the government is shooting itself in the foot by trying to lower the amount of torah protection for klal yisrael and ultimately the medinah as well!

    in reply to: Million Man Atzeres #1020453
    dveykus613
    Participant

    After seeing all the pictures…I think if Rav Shteinman called this event even to only get all the frum yidden on the same “page” and restore achdus it was all worth it

    in reply to: How much is a woman's Torah worth #1006277
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Rabbi Orlofsky and others I’ve heard as well have said that a woman needs to learn torah and mussar just to survive and not be drowned by tumah “in the air” nowadays – as a horaas shaah, whether it was necessary in the past or not

    I think how much schar is irrelevant if you need it to survive as an ehrlicher yid…

    in reply to: Million Man Atzeres #1020424
    dveykus613
    Participant

    If the gedolim say we should go then I plan on going…

    in reply to: Vicarious Accomplishment of Women #1005105
    dveykus613
    Participant

    BYM – I disagree! I am a kollel wife from a more modern background, I’ll admit that when I first heard the halacha that any $ a woman makes halachically goes to her husband, the feminist voices from growing up balked that its not fair, doesn’t make sense etc.

    However, in practice, as being the breadwinner and “money manager” in our home, even though I know halachically everything belongs to my husband, if you have a good marriage – he’s okay with me pretty much spending on whatever I need to, I discuss with him when I’m debating about something or unsure, and when you have a good marriage and respect eachother it does help shalom bayis…e/t is joint accounts – if I would have insisted on a separate account in my name only (and tried to figure out how that can stand halachically) I don’t think THAT would’ve been amazing for shalom bayis to say the least!

    (I know the next Q will be what if you don’t have a good relationship if c”v things don’t work out though I don’t think its healthy for a relationship to think that way but to answer pple who have that Q, a Beis Din will decide what is fair ACCORDING TO TORAH PRINCIPLES)

    There are ways halachically around these things, so if important to you for sure consult with daas torah and make sure to do it right – just in the case of a separate account etc, watch out for affecting your relationship with lack of trust etc in an adverse way – I agree with hashtorani (and rav miller) that if anything the halacha helps shalom bayis in a good marriage!

    in reply to: Vicarious Accomplishment of Women #1005032
    dveykus613
    Participant

    bais yaakov maidel – hear the rav pincus shiur about the jewish woman VERY KDAI….either way, he describes in a few of his shiurim that while a man’s growth is like a tree growing outside, a woman’s growth is like the roots in the “amkus” (depth) she reaches, but that it can’t be seen because it’s underground.

    Another point, the gr”a says in even shleima that a person’s tafkid in this world (and as far as I know he wasn’t differentiating men and women) is to fix his/her middos and that is why a person was sent down to this world.

    I am a kollel wife and strongly feel from experience and life trying many paths in ruchniyus, that for your neshama to feel whole you MUST do stuff for your PERSONAL growth, whether its shiurim or things that fill you as a person etc etc – even when you’re a parent and wife. For sure your accomplishments as a wife and mother are HUGE parts of your life, and a huge (even main) focus in life, but working on ourselves, as our own avoda, is paramount (which being a parent and a wife for sure helps raise that from like level 3 of avodas hamiddos to level 20! with no sleep, much more stress etc etc!)

    There definitely are chazals that say a women gets techiyas hameisim only through her supporting her husband’s and sons’ torah, because it can only be acquired through the mitzvah of talmud torah and that’s how women access that schar, but that is only one (albiet important) aspect of a woman’s avoda.

    in reply to: I hate you all, you big fat jerks #1019745
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Shvartze Volf, anyone?

    I think I’m crying wolf! 🙂

    in reply to: Starting to learn #998669
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I’ll tell you – whether you’re a male or female, beginner or advanced, the biggest thing that changed me since this past yomim noraim –

    I started at least weekly loading up my mp3 with shiurim (ideally if you can find anyone 20-30 min are easier to commit than the standard 1 hr shiur but even the latter you can listen to in parts)

    I take it everywhere with me – and, I try to listen – when trying to fall asleep mostly, when cleaning the floor, when travelling

    it has literally changed my life and who I am

    mainly mussar talks to me but you can try any that talk to you, and if you’re not sure, take a little of e/t – parsha, mussar, halacha, gemara, whatever…

    anyone who understands yeshivish lingo mixed into english I HIGHLY recommend Rav Nissan Kaplan’s shiurim, especially mussar (which are mostly 20-30 min shiurim), you can download at ravkaplan.dafyomireview.com

    good luck in finding your niche!

    in reply to: Power of Torah #989632
    dveykus613
    Participant

    He quotes many of them, but most of the mekoros are in the Zohar, you can see a perush “zohar hanigleh” on chumash mikraos gedolos “habahir”….The Chazon Ish said the Zohar is the biggest mussar sefer in existence (in Ma’aseh Ish)!

    in reply to: Power of Torah #989631
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Read Nefesh HaChaim Perek Daled!!

    in reply to: In a Heap O' Trouble #986189
    dveykus613
    Participant

    bump

    in reply to: Story of Mesirus Nefesh for Torah #986243
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Hi ROB – who they happened to is irrelevant I think, as they say about our Rav who is rumored to finish Shas twice a yr – “whether it’s true or not, they don’t say that about you & me!”

    The point is it happened to someone, if not several gedolim, and we’re supposed to take out of it whatever we can to apply for our own growth…

    in reply to: In a Heap O' Trouble #986188
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Ctrl Alt Delete – for sure, there’s tons of tzaros going on, but

    1) you can choose to look at the negatives, or look at the positives in klal yisrael – and shomayim will follow suit (recently read a dvar torah that we’re kovea how shomayim looks at us which is why dan lkaf zchus, not speaking loshon hara, and being mevater/maavir al midosav are so imp, cuz it can cause kitrug and/or be kovea how shomayim deals with us

    2) both are true – we have tremendous zechuyos, and B”H are growing tremendously, and at the same times there’s tons of tzaros – they say as mashiach comes the geula is like labor, and the labor pains are going to come harder and faster…until the sudden yeshua/simcha – it means he’s getting CLOSER not tallying more….

    3) if you’re scared, all the gedolim say that the only things that will save us (besides strong emuna which we’ll need so we need to work on being mechazeik that) are torah and gemilus chasadim – so whether learning and/or supporting torah, and doing chessed – those are the things that’ll save us be”H…

    and lastly, 4) the only thing we can do despite seeing the world “in pain” – besides davening for them/klal yisrael as a whole, which we should, – is to work on ourselves to be the best we can be before mashiach, who IS so close (many gedolim have said), comes and then we don’t have a chance for bechira/perfecting ourselves – soon we won’t have a chance anymore! They say a story about the Chofetz Chaim who saw so many pple far from Hashem and so many issues in the world that he wanted to fix it. Eventually, he realized he can’t and wanted to fix just his country. Eventually, he realized he can’t and wanted to fix just his CITY. Then his block, then just his family. Then eventually he realized the only person he can really fix is HIMSELF. and in the end he really changed the world.

    Another story – Rebbetzin Neustadt says a story of a guy in Russia in the freezing winter, and his hand is totally frostbitten, will literally fall off if he doesn’t warm up soon. A guy comes along, sizes up what’s going on and starts rubbing the frostbitten guy by his heart. The frostbitten guy has no clue what he’s doing, but he realizes he might lose a limb, so he figures, ok lets see what this guy thinks he can do….meanwhile after 5 min of rubbing the frostbitten guy starts feeling some warmth in his shoulders, a few min later his arm, and several minutes later this totally frozen hand starts warming up, til he feels it in his fingertips and can finally move his hand B”H. So mr. frostbitten guy says to the other guy, “Thank you so much!!! but sir, can you tell me, why didn’t you just rub my hand?!” The guy answers him “I sized up the situation and saw that your hand was so frozen, that if I touched it, it would’ve literally fallen off. BUT, I knew if I rubbed your heart to pump harder, eventually I could get your circulation going, til eventually it would get to your extremities (fingertips etc)”

    Reb Neustadt continues – that’s the mashal, the nimshal is that klal yisrael is the frostbitten man – and we frum yidden are the heart. Those who are totally off are the fingertips, and everyone else are somewhere in between. The stronger, and more “pumped” the heart gets, the more it will be GOREM (cause) all the limbs “til the fingertips” to be warmed.

    I felt this was an amazing mashal as I always wondered how mashiach will ever come. Many mussar seforim have this concept. And Rav Moshe Shapiro, one of the gedolei olam and gedolei mussar, quotes a medrash in his “yishmael” shiur, saying that it only takes 1 kehilla to make mashiach come (I highly recommend listening to it, it’s on kol halashon)

    So bottomline – we only need to work on ourselves, in baby steps, but as fast as we can, because the clock is running out…ask any of the gedolim…

    Hashem should help us all to grow into the best pple we can be!

    in reply to: Am I going to gehenim? #977254
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Back to the OP – I also struggle to this day with the same issue down to every detail (except yom kippur B”H I managed to get thru somehow) – I am a woman and I am not sure but it seems you’re male so not sure it’d work, the one thing that has – mostly – worked for me is fake nails…BUT I had a y”t with a tevila that I couldn’t use them, and I asked my rav about the bitter stuff which helps somewhat temporarily (it would always wear off somewhat and then I’d bite but when I reapply right away its more bitter and works more effectively), but the lamed tes malachos says that clear nail polish is tzoveya cuz it enhances the natural color of the nails – so he said I can put the bitter stuff on ON SHABBOS OR Y”T (a very big rav in E”Y) AROUND (not on) the nails…I assume that would even work for a guy, and if you’re applying it every time you realize ur tempted to bite it should work well if you’re motivated and invested in trying! the bitter stuff I ordered 2 types from amazon.com… I actually make it thru a 3 day y”t after 25 yrs of this awful habit that way (started at age 6 🙁 ), so hopefully you can do it too!

    It was such an unbelievable feeling after YEARS of not being able to get a single shabbos without at least biting off a bit of skin…I am still struggling but that’s the newest development, for whoever it can help!!

    I would be curious for a mekor for the putting tumah in your body thing (assuming one washed negel vasser) if anyone has any idea…TIA!

    in reply to: Struggling Kids and Insensitive Mechanchim #982963
    dveykus613
    Participant

    even though people say not to run away from problems, I have, after weighing factors, switched 2 of my kids to different schools (even with other pple’s warnings) and B”H it was truly for the better – maybe you and/or your parents can look into that option and research what the mechanchim there are like and make a switch where you can start fresh?

    in reply to: Work vs. Kollel #1176728
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I only read the first several posts but I have to say a few things, coming from a kollel wife (for 12 yrs+ B”H!!):

    1) Whether other people “battel” or not, look at your own level of learning and try to improve (working or not) – stop looking at others!

    2) I have seen over the years even though my husband was NOT one of the “coffee breakers” that he and many others are somewhat less serious when they first start kollel when they first get married even though they totally believe in it (who are other pple to judge someone else’s yetzer hara?!) but over several years in kollel he and many of his peers have become serious talmidei chachamim who now do take every second seriously and would like to spend any spare minute with a sefer. But had they not stayed in kollel with the argument that they don’t keep a sefer in hand every second then, they would never be where they are today – not in knowledge and not in lack of batala!

    3) to all those who argue that “money will run dry” – I agree that “al pi teva” it does seem that way, but please realize that all money belongs to Our Father in heaven and He gives and He takes whether you work or not (I have friends with 2 incomes who struggle more than us), and if you are doing ratzon Hash-m for your tafkid (whether that is sitting and learning or making a kiddush Hash-m in the workplace) then you shouldn’t worry and anything that was gozeir to come to you, will. and if you ask a ton of kollel people (at least in eretz yisrael) they will tell you that they live from month to month b’derech neis but that Hash-m always does send them the money they need

    any gadol will tell you that if you are cut out for learning you should unless circumstances show Hash-m is guiding you to a different tafkid….we won’t have gedolim in the next generation if pple don’t sit and learn til old age, it’s not for everyone but pple that can, should – ask your LOR

    As to pple who say the rambam and others didn’t learn full time – 1) while the rambam does say one should work, the rambam says in another place in mishneh torah that the definition of a working person is someone who works 3 hrs and learns 9 hrs – show me “working guys” today who really do that amt of learning!

    and 2) gedolim and rabbanim have said that having pple in learning without working is a horaas sha’ah for our generation specifically where there is so much shmutz and treif in the working world, that klal yisrael would not survive spiritually intact unless we have many who stay in the bubble of torah – it’s not easy and perhaps it’s not for everyone but for whoever can do it, they do have greater odds of staying spiritually intact. If you take issue with that take it up with the gedolim!

    in reply to: Working frowned upon in Yeshivos? #962464
    dveykus613
    Participant

    rebdoniel – the same rambam that says that also says that one who works should spend 3 hours a day working and 9 hours a day learning (will ask husband for exact location of that quote if you’d like) – find me non-kollel guys in this day & age who actually do that.

    Besides for that, it’s you and several others in this forum versus all the main gedolim in the last 50 years!! I have heard that it’s a horaas sha’ah in order for torah to survive in our generation(s) before mashiach since it’s become such a “filthy” world out there, but even if I “heard wrong” I don’t believe we have enough personal daas torah to argue with some of the greatest torah minds of the last generation or two who surely know what the torah would say is best for our generation, and they surely know all the sources you quoted better that you & I. Agreed it is not for everybody, and that some pathetic people (not the gedolim) clearly push their agendas in ways that cannot be called proper middos or good chinuch (and often sadly quite the opposite) but that’s not to say the idea isn’t correct for those who could pull it off

    in reply to: Working frowned upon in Yeshivos? #962435
    dveykus613
    Participant

    musser – some of us wives make an agreement to be our husband’s zevulun and fargin the kesuba

    as an aside, it’s a pretty paltry sum to make that a strong argument in this discussion…

    I know it will cause sparks among women on the thread, but according to halacha any money we make goes to our husbands anyway (discuss with your LOR for ways around that if necc)- so regardless they’d have to fulfill the kesuba based on the money and items we bring into the marriage…

    in reply to: Working frowned upon in Yeshivos? #962427
    dveykus613
    Participant

    ROB wrote: “Second- please go and have a secret vote amongst all the mothers who have , Beli Ayin Horah, six ,seven kids and go to work while their husbands smoke away in various kollelim- not knowing what they are actually doing, and then come back to me with the results. Only then will I retract my assertion about the amjority of women not wanting tp be “mocheL” their husbands.”

    ROB – I am a kollel wife of numerous kids B”H, and I am not saying it is easy but nothing in life (this world at least) is easy or meant to be – torah (and olam haba) are acquired through (HAPPY) mesirus nefesh! You can ask my peers as well as myself and we’ll tell you that we truly feel loads of simcha despite (maybe because of) the fact that it’s hard!

    I work as well, READILY and WANT to do so even though I’m past the idealism stage and have many kids ka”H. I see my husband is like a fish in water when he’s with seforim, and he helps out whenever he is home or when I need him (as I said, with lots of kids and I work…) – however, while I’ll agree it is stressful at times, even at some point on most days, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

    That being said, I have seen many women who are washed out and don’t have that simcha and the guy does seem clueless or couldn’t care less (often seen with wives of balabatim as well) and that is just outright bad middos and lack of sensitivity and pashut wrong whether they’re in kollel or working…but don’t blame Torah for that, post a thread on bad middos and people who are insensitive!!

    in reply to: Badatz Beit YosefIsrael #959355
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I am not sure, nor am I sure how much Rav Ovadia is involved at his age even though they put his name on it.

    While I know for sefardim they do not hold this way and very much respect the hechsher I was told by 2 separate mashgichim, one very respected top mashgiach from the OU (the other was a famous mashgiach for rabbanut yerushalayim!) who told me that beis yosef is practically treif FOR FLEISHIG and even bdieved/bshaas hadchak not to eat it (we asked the last part as my husband was part of a sefardi kollel for a short time and they’d order food for the kollel and liked to eat together and they’d get offended if he didn’t eat with them but he said it’s that bad, at least for ashkenazim – the rama and the beis yosef hold differently, even opposite, on certain things)…

    that being said he said it’s fine for milchig as they are super makpid on bishul akum etc but each person should ask their own rav/mashgiach they trust….

    in reply to: What kind of cellphone/smartphone do you have? #950182
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Shraga – I hear. I do think the American rabbonim did not because they don’t want to make a psak that “h’olam lo yachol la’amod bahem”

    They definitely have said that they encourage it.

    The gedolim at the internet kennes DID assur internet that is not filtered – I do not know what options smartphones have but I believe they are very poor, and even if they have something good most frum yidden I know don’t have a filter on it – which makes for a dangerous weapon for anyone’s spiritual future in their back pocket. Everyone has ups and downs in life, people shouldn’t make it that easy for themselves.

    I definitely don’t understand people who get anything but a kosher phone for kids – they are not mature enough (even when they think they are) and don’t have “pas b’salo” to even hope to not destroy their spiritual future…

    in reply to: What kind of cellphone/smartphone do you have? #950177
    dveykus613
    Participant

    a kosher phone – not sure how anyone else goes against the rabbanim and has anything else with the worst shmutz in the world in their pocket… (((ducking from stones)))

    in reply to: Good Communities Outside of NY #1153529
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Vogue – I’m sorry to hear that, and I’m not sure when you went there but in every school some kids have bad experiences. I went to Hanna Sacks and had a great experience, the ruach was amazing, and preparing for erev shira after hours was really fun and really bonded us in a way that we were not able to during school hrs…my only hard times during those years were from things at home, not school.

    Morah Rach – If family is priority I highly recommend Chicago, as it’s only a 1.5 hr flight, and even though it takes a while (I’ve heard about 18 hours) it is drivable (I had friends that drove to NY every succos and pesach with 5 kids, sometimes stopping in cleveland for a night). Most of the weather, New York gets a few days after Chicago, so you shouldn’t find that particularly worse. Besides that, you actually have PARKING wherever you go, you usually go from and back into a garage for that half a yr. (BTW we had an automatic starter on our car so we could start it automatically from inside the house in the winter months – no de-icing! By the time we came out the car was warmed up, with heat and we could drive right out!)

    It’s a really well organized community (the achdus guide which is a community white pages & yellow pages, the vaad tzedakos that approves a green card for legit tzedakah collectors only, likutei pshatim which is a weekly parsha sheet with community classifieds which keep you up to date on events etc in the community), everything is clean and nicely kept up etc, and you have more restaurant options than a lot of “out of town” cities (oh and did I mention they have the best meats ever at Romanian? and a completely kosher bakery and deli with ready food at Jewel-Osco with a gigantic parking lot that always has spots)!

    If you are undecided, next time your family has a vacation, you can rent there and check it out first hand. But if you plan to leave the tri-state area (and are not considering moving to E”Y)- I highly recommend Chicago – wholeheartedly.

    (Not saying tri-state area is superior as I don’t think it is, but I know New Yorkers have a hard time leaving!)

    in reply to: No sem next year… #944496
    dveykus613
    Participant

    iluvbeingjewish – if you do look up bnos chana/halichos/azamra feel free to be in touch and hook up by us in RBS

    All I can say is it’s not something to be “mevater” on and is a totally worth it experience. I would never be what I am today if I didn’t go to sem (same goes for shana Bet, went to Maalot) – and my life would be totally different and likely much less fulfilling that it is today. If you have to see if you can get into any track in Neve with an option to get into a frummer track once you’re already here…and make sure to talk to people to know which classes to go to that are worthwhile – it will truly change your life if you can pull off the price or getting scholarships etc.

    I had taken early admissions and gone into a new sem that opened (and therefore was desperate to accept more girls) even though I had no idea how that would turn out. Would be happy to guide/direct you, have YWN connect us…

    in reply to: Are the Chasam Sofer hechsherim reliable? #946745
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I was told davka the opposite, that bnei brak you could rely on, and petach tikva totally not and to ask re each thing! but this was a couple years back, so I will be”H look into it again given this discussion…

    As far as reaching Rabbi Berkowitz, I have been told that sometimes the answering machine is used to screen calls, so try to leave a message

    in reply to: MUST READ- Real Solutions to the Internet Challenge #922795
    dveykus613
    Participant

    “A case in point: some claim they save $30-$40

    per month shopping online rather than going to

    the mall. “

    Even if that were true, we are willing to spend hundreds on other mitzvos like esrog, lulav, mehudar tefillin, etc etc – we can’t push ourselves in order to save our neshamos and stay connected to Hashem and extra $30-40 per month?

    Even if you’re shopping weekly, you would likely spend more than that on most Y”T expenses and other devarim shebikdushah and this is much more than that, it’s saving the neshamos of yourself and your children!

    in reply to: What's wrong with the draft? #923979
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Okay, I need to ask this – is everyone here for real? Even those who believe that an elite few top learners should learn, and the rest should go to the army, would not refute the fact that some of the GREATEST Talmidei Chachomim and learners and Da’as Torah are Rav Chaim Kanievsky, Rav Shteinman, Rav Auerbach, etc. – and every single one of them is saying that we have to fight this tooth and nail. So while I do not understand every aspect of why (and the chillul Hashem question, which would be a valid one if we did not have Da’as Torah), if the few holy people we have left who DO KNOW kol haTorah kulah or as close to it as anyone in our generation will get – who have true Da’as Torah – say it’s wrong – then no matter what we are chayav to listen to them – they are our mesorah! Just as we are chayav to be mekabel the Torah, and the Torah was given from Moshe Rabbeinu to Yehoshua to the Zekeinim etc etc – our Gedolim are the voice of Hashem and His Torah in our generation, and we are chayav to do naaseh v’nishmah!

    So while I am just as guilty of this, and am “mussar”ing myself as well with this statement – why are we wasting our limited moments in this world debating back and forth with our limited understanding of Torah or what “should” be done, when we could be filling our time with Torah learning, Tefillah, Mitzvos (eating can also be a Mitzvah with the right kavannos, as can talking with kids, one’s wife/husband etc etc – it’s all in how we do it and if we’re trying to get closer to Hashem with each thing we do) – talking (typing?) is just the yetzer hara’s way -in a “kosher venue” – to try to get us all to lose all our time that we could be building ourselves and others around us….

    Said my piece, would appreciate not getting bashed (though hopefully will not see it anyway) – am now going to go “fight the battle” (pun intended) by trying to live up to it! 🙂

    in reply to: Which Is The Best Internet Filtering System? #909990
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I agree 1000% with nitpicker and have been debating blocking YWN both because of the pictures of reshaim who we shouldn’t be looking at as well as the ability to add comments to the news stories (and things gedolim say) which just allows apikorsus and kefira to be posted by various readers…

    in reply to: shidduchim and weight….. #906789
    dveykus613
    Participant

    Just want to say to all those who are not “fat” but just not super thin that I was a size 12-14 from a divorced home and I got married right away to my 2nd shidduch B”H. and if you asked my husband if he wanted to marry someone fat he’d say no way (and he is also super skinny) but he didn’t see me as being overweight at all – that is what he was attracted to.

    So realize that it is all min hashamayim. DEFINITELY do your histadlus to be as in shape and as put together as you can be – but after that just be yourself! and Hashem will send you the right one be”H – when He determines it’s the right time!

    and to the guys who CAN’T consider someone fat – don’t listen to your mothers/sisters/friends who tell you what size to ask for (or which sizes to nix immediately) – as long as pple aren’t saying she’s fat, give it a one date chance at least – a 12 to even a 16 if tall enough can easily have a figure and not look fat at all – you may even decide she is super attractive to boot (not to mention all their qualities as a person but I specifically did not mention that as it sounds like a “consolation prize” – she’s fat, but she’s a great person….I’m saying you may be surprised that if pple didn’t put numbers in your head you may not even think they are overweight at all and may be extremely attracted!!)

    in reply to: Why do you think the Hurricane Sandy came? #906927
    dveykus613
    Participant

    “the little I know” – are you R’ Grylak? the mishpacha article this week sounded exactly like your posts…

    in reply to: Obama is Here to Stay – Now What? #903171
    dveykus613
    Participant

    HaKatan – he is right as our Rav told us the Chofetz Chaim wrote that at the end of days the “she’eiris hapleitah” (not sure but might mean frum yidden) in E”Y will be the safest. Even in the holocaust E”Y was scared but ended up the safest as well.

    in reply to: Who Will WinROMNEY or OBAMA? #991908
    dveykus613
    Participant

    unfortunately, Chassidish, although I would like Romney to win, I think everything you said but the first part is right – Obama will win, Israel will bomb Iran, the whole world will turn against us, it will be a scary time for klal yisroel, and be”H then Mashiach will come – not sure at what price c”v

    Rav Elyashiv zt”l said the biggest sakana today is the situation in Iran and people do not take it seriously enough

    If we can be chozer b’teshuva and storm the heavens with tefilla maybe we can fix the gezeira and (as the chofetz chaim said in the dream) daven that the geula should come from chesed (ie in a good way for klal yisroel) and not l’fi all the scary nevuos etc if we’re c”v not zocheh.

    Everyone on their own level should try to make a bakasha/tefilla to save us and bring us close and do something SMALL to show Hash-m that we just want to be closer to him and do the right thing even though we were put in a generation where we are in the mem-tes (nun?) shaarei tumah. But to show Hash-m that we don’t want to be. We all know what our weak points are – and jumping too high won’t work, we’ll just crash. By doing something small we can show Him we want Him to bring us close and be”H in that zechus hopefully we’ll be zocheh to have any horrible gezeiros against us ripped up and will be”H have b’derech hachesed the geula sheleimah b’meheirah!

    in reply to: Why do you think the Hurricane Sandy came? #906888
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I do not have ruach hakodesh, and can’t know for certain, but to me – IMHO – it seems obvious that the lesson (at least one of them) is we are too connected to our gashmius (I also struggle with this and all the things I want or feel I NEED to buy). I’m surprised I haven’t seen more pple talking about this. Here, Hash-m sends this crazy storm “close to home” so klal yisroel should really feel it – which ruins the gashmius (homes and therefore people’s “stuff”, cars, businesses etc) of so many people and in an area with a concentration of yidden. So while this is only my theory perhaps either 1) we are supposed to be getting a mussar about “stop being so into gashmius” and all the stuff (I also) want to have.

    OR (more likely in my opinion – hopefully ->) 2) Hash-m is trying to teach us the hard way that we need to let go of our connection to all our stuff as a means of getting us ready for Mashiach who be”H is very close (that’s not me, gedolim and the Chofetz Chaim in dreams says that will be very soon be”H we should be zocheh….) to bringing us to a state of the world that will be kulo ruchniyus…

    in reply to: Who Will WinROMNEY or OBAMA? #991900
    dveykus613
    Participant

    SERIOUSLY – EVERYBODY DAVEN AND STORM THE HEAVENS IN THE NEXT 24 HOURS – OUR FUTURE IS AT STAKE!!

    ?? ??? ???????? ????? ???!!! ??? ??’? ????? ??? ??? ???? ?????? ???? ??? ?? ?’ ?????? – ????? ?????? ???? ????? – ???’ ??? ?????? ?”? ??? ??? ?? ?????? ??? ??? ?????? ??? ?? ????? ???? ????? ????? ??? ???? ???? ??? ?????? ??’? ?? ?? ??????. ???? ??? ??? ???? ??? ????, ????? ???? ?? ?????? ?’ ?? ??? ?? ??? ????? ??????. ?? ??? ???? ????? ???? ???? ?????? ?? ??????!!!! ????? ?24 ???? ????!!!!?

    in reply to: Yeshaya Hanavi's Criticism of Female Cosmetics #902362
    dveykus613
    Participant

    pretty sure I remember learning that it said they put perfume in their heels which released perfume every time they walked and attracted attention

    in reply to: El Al Ticket Snafu #890398
    dveykus613
    Participant

    42 – m’ikar hadin I don’t know if one is chayav to return it if orbitz etc are not yidden but a good reason to do so would be to make a huge kiddush Hashem – imagine the effect of a bunch of yidden doing something like that…

    in reply to: mutchering a menadev to give more money? #745124
    dveykus613
    Participant

    my father used to be very well off, and had countless meshulachim a week, but he would give what he felt he could, and what he felt befitted that cause (even a rich person can only give $1000 or $5000 once in a while to exceptional causes) and if someone said (especially chutzpadik-ly) that $360 wasn’t enough he made the meshulach give it back and told him to leave. if you give $360 to thousands of organizations it really adds up, and the halacha is to give to more people, not all tzedaka in one place. If someone wants to be brazen they don’t deserve it.

    At the same time, you can feel out the person, if you ask in a kovodika way if they can handle any more as the organization really needs it, that might be ok, but when you say it leave an “out” like “I know times are tough financially now, if you can’t I understand & I’m grateful for what you did give, but our organization is really in dire straits, can you possibly afford to help out a bit more?” then perhaps you have a chance, but again, feel out the person. In general mentchlichkeit will get you much further than brazenness and chutzpah.

    in reply to: Shin on forehead??? #730569
    dveykus613
    Participant

    I was sure this thread was about “Ten Lost”, the prequel of “Aleph Shin” – 2 awesome novels – if you didn’t read them, you should….even though they are fiction and are written as potential nonfiction, he addresses Jews’ & amalek’s “vein structure”….you would have to ask Sender Zeev (the author) if he has mekoros for it tho 🙂

    in reply to: Tips For Fasting on Yom Kippur #899725
    dveykus613
    Participant

    mod80 do you talk to yourself often? 🙂

    in reply to: Computer Programming #698220
    dveykus613
    Participant

    try vtc.com its around the price of a book a month and you can teach youself tons of languages at once its a matter of how many hours you put in and how disciplined you are but I used it and it’s great they have videos (of a computer and the programming not pple so there’s no untznius factor) for each lesson of each language…I find it easier than reading. When I wanted to stop I just cancelled and they didn’t make me do any commitment beyond that month…

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