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  • in reply to: A Woman's Place in Frum Society #814526

    apushatayid: I wasn’t referring to kollel couples. I was referring to either men who are too lazy to earn a decent living, or men who try hard but just aren’t making enough.

    Why do you suppose it’s better for a man to work two jobs, and not have any time for his family, than for a woman to take a part time job, and they take care of the family together in whatever way works for them? Not all working men have the stamina to work work two jobs, nor are many willing. There are also men who are not interested in helping out at home nor willing to make real effort to earn a decent living. Then what is a woman to do?

    This OP annoyed me because many wonderful women work VERY HARD juggling both their family and their job, and they get critisized!

    in reply to: A Woman's Place in Frum Society #814513

    >>Since when does the Torah have to support Feminism?<<

    Where in the Torah does it say a woman is not allowed to work?

    Says who working equals feminism?

    You question why would women needlessly accept the klalah of work upon themselves. They don’t.

    If they work even though they are adequately supported from their husbands, they don’t have the burden of parnasah on their head! So it isn’t a curse for them. If they work because they need the money, it isn’t an option. They have no choice!

    in reply to: why is texting wrong #811180

    From what I see, the biggest problem with texting is that it’s addictive. It’s not even the texting itself. Those who text, are constantly checking their cells to see if they received a message.

    This is a question that was sent to someone who sends out halacha emails:


    I wanted to ask you about the new (and exciting for many, nebach, unfortunately)

    trend of “Half Shabbos” whereas people keep full Shabbos but are texting throughout

    the day (hence “half Shabbos”). What’s the halacha here?


    There is no such thing as half Shabbos. Keeping Shabbos 99% is desecrating it 100%.

    Using any electronic devices on Shabbos is strictly prohibited, possibly even D’Oraysa

    as using electricity (where internal circuits are connected and completed ) involves

    melachos of Aish, Boneh, Soser and Molid to name a few. (See Chazon Ish Orach Chaim

    Siman 50:9)

    Again, there is no valid halachic permissibilty to text or otherwise use a cell

    phone on Shabbos Chas V’Shalom (besides in life threatening emergencies), and all

    who do so will ultimately have to deal with the heavenly consequences. May Hashem

    have mercy on His holy nation and spare them from desecrating the holy Shabbos and

    His holy name.

    in reply to: Kohen marrying a half jew????????/ #803665

    There is no such thing as a “half Jew”. Either a person is Jewish or not Jewish. Jewish is one who is born to a Jewish mother or converted according to Jewish law.

    Having a non Jewish father doesn’t disqualify a girl who is Jewish from birth from marrying a Kohen.

    in reply to: is this normal after marriage? #811796

    Speaking from experience, this behavior is NOT normal.

    Now as a friend, what should you do? Clearly, she isn’t looking to open up to you. You can tell her that if she needs someone to talk to, you will listen and be there for her, and you will keep everything she says confidential.

    If this beahvior persists, I think you ought to let her parents know. Alternately, you should speak to her kallah teacher, who may be able to get out of her what it is that’s disturbing her. Or suggest to her that she speak to her kallah teacher or call a rav.

    in reply to: thread starter responsibilities #787938

    There should be no strings attached when starting a thread. You want to respond to someone, respond. You don’t want to, you don’t have to. People can have all different kinds of valid reasons to not want to respond.

    Yid4life: This is a public forum. It’s not a private conversation on the phone.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785615

    I’m sure flowers & co. who maintain its not okay for anon men online to advise tznius issues surely would say it is entirely improper for men and women to be posting altogether to the opposite gender here online.


    If you work with a woman, and she tells you her washing machine broke. Might you give her advice on who she can call, or what to do?

    Now lets suppose she asks you how much makeup you think is appropriate for her to wear, or some other questions portaining to dress, that I won’t even mention, even though I can find it on threads, would you answer?

    Do you see a difference, or it’s all the same to you?

    in reply to: Anthony's Verdict #784085

    If you work with a woman, and she tells you her washing machine broke. Might you give her advice on who she can call, or what to do?

    Now lets suppose she asks you how much makeup you think is appropriate for her to wear, or some other questions portaining to dress, that I won’t even mention, even though I can find it on threads.

    Do you see a difference, or it’s all the same to you?

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785609

    mdd: read mischiefmaker’s contradictory posts and you will see that it’s all bubba meisis.

    In one posts she says she’s aware of the halachos and knows she’s not following. In the other she says how good it is to find out from men here so she won’t transgress.

    As I said. Bubba meisis.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785607

    mdd: I also gave her some definite answers, didn’t I?

    Yes, one small very obvious point. Something that by the age of 12 a frum girl can ascertain themselves. I highly doubt she and her female family members didn’t already know that.

    Also, the men know the Halochic gedorim better and how certain things look in the eyes of men.

    Growing up in a ffb home, a woman develops a very good understanding of what is acceptable for tznius and how things look in the eyes of others. I have not seen anywhere in the cr that the men posting here know the halochic gedorim better in regard to tznius. Most just give their own opinions here anyway.

    Wny not ask a Rov? Some are embarrassed to do it.

    Why not apply this to your next question?

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785606

    mischiefmaker: I searched a bit through the threads to see what you’re talking about. I didn’t see a single post that proves what you said. Can you please point one out where you actually asked a question and got an answer that helped you understand what is acceptable.

    I did find the following though – with you being the author:

    Whoever said that women dress 4 each other is 100% correct! As a by girl all i care about is what other girls and women think. I couldn’t care less what the boys and men think-they probably don’t know whats “in” anyhow. I don’t know-im not in shidduchim but i imagine that its a bit different at that stage and once ur married.

    What a contradiction to what you said here!

    And another post:

    I didn’t read the entire thread but I want to add something. Being a by girl myself (currently) and knowing that I don’t dress perfectly, a lot-even most of it is from peer pressure. And for anyone who thinks we don’t know the halachos-we most definitely know them and whoever violates them is doing it quite knowingly. Yes, every time I go against halacha knowingly I feel mighty guilty but there is a major pressure in today’s society that many girls (myself included) can’t always fight. Whether its right or wrong is a different story.

    So doing the right thing isn’t important. Well, isn’t it obvious: I dunno-just my thoughts and you can’t change them.

    Do you really care if it’s acceptable or not to discuss tznius online with men? I think not.

    And another thing: Tznius guildlines are not only for when you are in the presence of men. It applies for when you are in the presence of women too, and also when you are saying devorim shebikdusha.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785599

    mdd: Right, of course. But the men in the cr do!!

    Hudi asked in a thread called “Dressed to Kill” how much makeup is ok to wear.

    You responded to her. One can’t determine what is “excessive”, “too much” etc.

    Not to mention that not everyone in the cr thinks the same way. Nor does it even make sense to decide if it’s too much if you don’t see her.

    She should be asking the females in her family. If she doesn’t trust them, she should ask someone she does trust.

    in reply to: How should I handle this? #783555

    Ever person is capable of learning from their mistakes. I agree with Health. Speak to the Life guard first. If it doesn’t help, only then should you speak to the Director.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785593

    Hudi, you can ask adult females also your complex questions about what is appropriate and what isn’t.

    If my daughter felt she needed to get input from men online as to what is appropriate, I would be very concerned.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785585

    Flowers, WIY said “it appears” to be non-tsniusdic.

    Tznius is all about appearance. If it appears not tznius, then it isn’t.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785572

    WIY: Adult women are well aware of it without this coffeeroom hashing about it so much. As for teenagers, they should be taught about it by their schools and mothers minimally (perhaps depending on the kid). Too much exposure (for teenagers) of this fact of life is detrimental.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785571

    I think that although on some level it may appear untznius, it tactually benefits many women who just don’t realize what dressing tznius requires, as well as how detrimental their lack of dressing tznius is for themselves and for the men they cause to stumble. If anything, the issue of tznius in our communities is not talked about enough..

    Violating tznius in order to prevent violating tznius? Doesn’t sound right.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785570


    It isn’t tznius for rabbonim to teach women about tznius. Turns me off big time.

    in reply to: Tznius Threads #785561

    I agree with you 100%. Some threads boggle my mind.

    in reply to: hoods?! #782691

    Schools have forbidden hoods already for quite a few years. Most mothers allow their kids to wear hooded sweaters when the kids are not going to school. That’s how much everyone agrees with this narishkeit.

    in reply to: The next Generation is here…with more chutzpah than ever! #781405

    a mamim:

    I didn’t write it. I copied and pasted it because I thought it applied to this thread. It wasn’t my intention to make it seem like I wrote it.

    in reply to: The next Generation is here…with more chutzpah than ever! #781399

    When I was:

    4 years old: My mommy can do anything.

    5 years old: My mommy knows a whole lot.

    6 years old: My mom is smarter than your mom.

    8 years old: My mom doesn’t know exactly everything.

    10 years old: In the olden days when my mom grew up, things were sure different.

    12 years old: Oh, well, naturally mom doesn’t know anything about that. She is too old to remember her childhood.

    14 years old: Don’t pay any attention to my mom. She is so old-fashioned!

    21 years old: Her? Oh gosh, she’s hopelessly out-of-date.

    25 years old: mom knows a little bit about it, but then she should, because she has been around so long.

    30 years old: Maybe we should ask mom what she thinks. After all, she’s had a lot of experience.

    35 years old: I’m not doing a single thing until I talk to mom.

    40 years old: I wonder how mom would have handled it.

    in reply to: Family vacation #780779

    all good ideas. thanks doodle

    in reply to: Is the CR Responsible for Bitul Torah of the Posters #781067

    Would they be spending the time at other less appropriate sites

    For those that this applies, they shouldn’t have access to the internet (or even computer) at all.

    in reply to: Is the CR Responsible for Bitul Torah of the Posters #781065

    josh31: well said

    I will add, that it may also be bital zman for women too. Besides for affecting tefillah, are kids getting less attention because their mothers need to check in here?

    in reply to: Family vacation #780777

    thanks icot.

    DP: 5-18 keh (besides married)

    in reply to: Family vacation #780773

    ICOT: thank you

    in reply to: Family vacation #780771

    I live in Brooklyn

    in reply to: I love my car #1113628

    once saw a quote: “Do something for your dog, he’ll think of you as god, do something for your cat, he’ll think he’s god.”

    Self centered people act like the cat.

    in reply to: If ????? ?????said it was tcheiles? #780708

    If a person claiming to be Eliyahu Hanavi told you to be mechalel Shabbos (without obvious good reason) or to wear shatnez, then clearly he isn’t Eliyahu Hanavi. So the question is moot.

    in reply to: long davening #780617


    Very surprised at your post. A waste of Hashem’s time???? Even if someone were to daven 20 hours a day, it wouldn’t be a waste of Hashem’s time.

    >> if one is petitioning a worldly king, mah sh’ein kayn, the King of the Universe, one should be as brief and to the point as possible.<<

    Not if the wordly king was your father.

    Not if you had a special relationship with this king.

    And not if this king made it clear he loves spending time with you.

    When you speak to your mother, do you just talk to her to make a request, and end the conversation? Imagine how she would feel if you did that?

    And Hashem isn’t a human king/parent. He won’t get tired of hearing from us. It says if Hashem didn’t think about the world for one second, it would disappear. Hashem thinks about each and every one of us every nanosecond. He pays attention to our thoughts and actions every nanosecond. How can we be wasting His time if he is paying attention to us the entire time anyway?

    in reply to: Flatbush- why are the streets so empty after dark? #780437

    Interesting. I find that between OP and Coney Island, it is quiet all day long, not just at night.

    in reply to: long davening #780610

    >>You cannot run a school if one girl feels that her davening will allow her to skip the first period or two and another girl feels that her chesed mission is more important than class and a third girl feels that she’d be more spiritually accomplished by learning sefer X when the class is learning sefer Y. That’s not a school — that’s anarchy.<<

    When I was in elementary, a girl in my class only came to school for a half day – lemudei kodesh. Another girl went out of class during literature. Another girl went around to all classes for attendance. There were no drawbacks.

    Personally, I’m jealous of someone who has the patience and desire to stand every day for one hour saying Shemone Esrei.

    in reply to: Hard time feeling bad about commiting an aveira #780344

    First step: you feel terrible

    Second stage: you know it’s wrong, but don’t feel bad.

    Third stage: You not only don’t feel bad, it feels right.

    Next stage: It controls you.

    The bad news is you’re heading in the wrong direction.

    The good news is, you still know it’s wrong and still have the power to change. (of course change is always within our power, but at last stage, it is very very hard)

    in reply to: Do you know your IQ? #1054380

    Minyan gal: Gotta save your sanity ? (kidding)

    There is no “e” in that entire paragraph. It’s a pretty common letter, so having it missing is noteworthy.

    in reply to: Do you know your IQ? #1054374

    binahyeseira: correct ?

    in reply to: Do you know your IQ? #1054368

    How quickly can you find out what is so unusual about this paragraph? It looks so ordinary that you would think that nothing is wrong with it at all, and, in fact, nothing is. But it is unusual. Why? If you study it and think about it, you may find out, but I am not going to assist you in any way. You must do it without coaching. No doubt, if you work at it for long, it will dawn on you. Who knows? Go to work and try your skill. Par is about half an hour.

    in reply to: The Good Wifeís Guide #1108370

    Mir Rosh Yeshiva, Hagaon Rav Chaim Shmulevitz Zatzal

    “Our rabbi’s teach a man to honor his wife more than he would himself, while a wife is deemed virtuous if she does the will of her husband.

    As long as the husband abides by the former and the wife by the latter, their home will be blessed with marital bliss.

    It is when they switch roles the wife demanding love and respect and the husband expecting total subservience – that the troubles begin!”

    Rav Chaim Shmulevitz Zatzal quoted in Sefer Torah Tavlin

    in reply to: Shmiras Einayim Help #776937

    I am not learned enough to know everything chazal say. I do know however, that chazal say a boy should marry young in order not to fall into sin. This refers to normal healthy boys.

    Addiction is a sickness, and marriage will NOT cure him. And in fact there unfortunately today there are too many frum men who are addicted and they have wonderful wives, but it doesnt help them.

    in reply to: Shmiras Einayim Help #776933


    Did you not read what moderator 42 wrote? ” ZK, if you saw the other things he tried to post you would understand.”

    A person in need of real help in this area belongs getting it before he gets married. Marriage will not cure him. And it’s not fair to do that to an innocent girl.

    in reply to: Number 7 #778852

    1. Shabbat is the 7th day of the week.

    2. There are 7 weeks in the counting of the Omer before

    Shavuot. (Leviticus 23:15)

    3. In Israel, there are 7 days of Passover and Sukkot.

    (Leviticus 23:6, 34)

    4. Every 7th year, the land lays fallow during Shmita

    (Sabbatical year). (Leviticus 25:4)

    5. After 7 cycles of Shmita, we have a Jubilee year (Yovel).

    (Leviticus 25:8)

    6. When a close relative dies, we sit Shiva for 7 days.

    7. On Sukkot we shake 7 species – 1 Lulav, 1 Esrog, 2 willows,

    and 3 myrtles.

    8. Yitro, the first real convert to Judaism, had 7 different

    names, and 7 daughters (one who married Moses).

    9. Moses was born and died on the same day – the 7th of Adar.

    10. Our Sukkah huts are “visited” by 7 guests – Abraham, Isaac,

    Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Joseph and David.

    11. The Menorah in the Temple had 7 branches.

    12. Achashvarosh, King of Persia during the miracle of Purim,

    held a party for 7 days. (Esther 1:5)

    13. There are 7 holidays in the Jewish year: Rosh Hashana, Yom

    Kippur, Sukkot, Chanukah, Purim, Passover, and Shavuot.

    14. In addition to the 613 Commandments, the Sages added 7


    15. There are 7 Noachide Laws pertaining to all humanity.

    16. At every Jewish wedding, 7 blessings are recited (Sheva


    17. Each Shabbat, 7 people are called to the Torah reading


    18. The first verse in the Torah contains 7 words (and 28


    19. Our Matriarch Leah had 7 children – six sons and one


    20. There were 7 days of preparation for the construction of

    the Tabernacle in the desert. (Leviticus 8:35)

    21. Traditionally, the bride circles the groom 7 times under

    the Chuppah (wedding canopy).

    22. We wind the Tefillin straps around the arm 7 times.

    23. Moses was the 7th generation after Abraham.

    24. Each plague in Egypt lasted 7 days.

    25. In Pharaoh’s dreams there were 7 cows and 7 stalks of

    grain. (Genesis 41)

    26. The Biblical contamination period typically lasts 7 days.

    (Leviticus 13:4)

    27. God created 7 levels of heaven. (Hence the expression, “I’m

    in 7th heaven!”)

    28. On Shabbat and holidays, we recite 7 blessings in the

    silent Amidah.

    29. There are 7 special species of produce by which the Land of

    Israel is praised: wheat, barley, grapes, pomegranates, figs,

    olives, and dates. (Deut. 8:8)

    30. The world has 7 continents.

    31. The 7 weeks of the Omer correspond to the 7 “sefirot,” the

    7 behavior traits in which we serve God: kindness, strength,

    beauty, triumph, splendor, foundation, and kingship.

    32. Noah sent the dove and the raven out of the Ark for 7 days

    to inspect the weather conditions. (Genesis 8:10)

    33. 7 nations warred with Israel: Canaanites, Hittites,

    Hivites, Amorites, Perizzites, Jebusites, and Girgashites.

    34. On Yom Kippur, the High Priest sprinkled the blood in the

    Temple 7 times. (Leviticus 16)

    35. The Jewish New Year of Rosh Hashana occurs, surprisingly,

    in the 7th month — Tishrei. (Leviticus 23:24)

    36. The Jewish calendar, largely lunar, has a cycle of

    intercalation that contains 7 leap years during each 19-year


    37. There are 7 notes on the musical scale.

    38. A Kohen (priest) should participate in the burial of 7

    relatives: father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, and

    spouse. (Leviticus 21:2)

    39. We dance 7 circles (hakafot) on the holiday of Simchat


    40. The smallest allowable dimension of a Sukkah is 7 by 7


    41. The world has 7 seas.

    42. Joshua led the Jewish People around the walls of Jericho 7

    times before the walls fell. (Joshua 6:15)

    43. Jacob worked for Laban for 7 years (twice) in order to

    marry his daughters. (Genesis 29:27)

    44. The Holy Temple contained 7 gates of entry.

    45. We recite 7 blessings every day before and after the

    “Shema” — 3 in the morning and 4 at night.

    46. The Talmud lists 7 female prophets: Sarah, Miriam, Deborah,

    Hannah, Avigail, Chuldah, and Esther.

    47. A Jewish servant regains freedom in the 7th year. (Exodus


    48. We conclude our Yom Kippur prayers by proclaiming7 times,

    “The Lord is God!”

    49. A Jewish wedding is followed by 7 days of celebration

    (Sheva Brachot).

    With blessings from Jerusalem,

    Rabbi Shraga Simmons

    in reply to: Opposite Gender Friendships #795872

    Sacrilege: Derech HaMelech’s words may seem overly dramatic, but he is 100% correct.

    in reply to: Kleireng yer Prophyel #774797
    in reply to: IS IT OK TOO?? #774245


    in reply to: IS IT OK TOO?? #774243


    I looked at some of your posts, and I guess it’s wrong to say I seldom agree with you. I guess it’s just that your way of thinking is so different than mine, that those posts I disagree with really stands out in my mind.

    These two statements:

    “while the males are usually logical even if I don’t agree.”

    “Then again some men here I constantly disagree with, perhaps they think like women.”

    are a bit contraditory, don’t you think?

    the saying comes to mind: “we judge a persons intelligence by how much they agree with us.”

    in reply to: IS IT OK TOO?? #774223


    “everytime I try to have an intellectual discussion with a woman, it turns into an argument….We don’t think the same as the opposite gender”

    I seldom agree with your posts (though I don’t post to let you know it). There are some male posters here, that I seldom disagree with. And my thinking doesn’t seem different in general with the males I interact with in general.

    So I really don’t think your arguments with women here has anything to do with the different way men and women think. Only that “I” (and the ones arguing with you here) and you, just don’t think the same.

    in reply to: What is the Halacha? #774029


    “Aside from the the mods who do it on their boss’s time clock you are obviously asking a rhetorical question, possibly looking to pick a fight. “

    She isn’t looking for a fight. I too wondered how it’s possible that some posters, who are clearly employed, have so much time to post. Her question is legitimate, and i’m glad she asked it, since it may be considered maris ayin and it’s given the opportunity to these posters to explained themselves (which some did).

    in reply to: Were not Chassidish at all, but we go to Rebbes for Brachos #773266


    If you shave your head, you will certainly get “special hatzlacha with important things”

    How can you give up such an opportunity?

    in reply to: Not Looking For A Psak, Just An Opinion #770215

    I don’t allow my children to carry for others on Shabbos, even though I allow them to use the eruv.

    Don’t ask me to open a bottle of soda for you on Shabbos, even though I would do it for myself. I’m not your Shabbos goy.


    Haifagirl: If you don’t want to look up things up online for your friend, because she believes the internet is treif, send her to me. I’ll gladly do it for her. Kol Hakovod to anyone who doesn’t use the internet at all.

    If someone is afraid to go into a certain store because of the kind of people who work there, and they know someone who goes in all the time, there would be nothing wrong with her asking that person to buy something for her since he goes there all the time anyway.

    Avraham Schwartzbaum writes in The Bamboo Cradle that he asked a rabbi if it’s ok to keep a kosher home, but outside the home not keep kosher. The Rabbi answered, what he answers to people who ask this question, is that their dishes will go to heaven. If I use the net at work and not at home, because the net in my office is in an open place as opposed to my home, is that the same thing? Common sense should tell you, it is not.

    Let’s not compare apples and oranges.

    in reply to: Computer Programmer #763823
Viewing 50 posts - 101 through 150 (of 198 total)