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  • in reply to: Very disturbing, please only kind people read. #842372
    flowers
    Participant

    but would it have been truly better if he had have just admitted it and expressed true remorse off the bat? Mabye he was just scared of the ramifications of admitting the truth? tell me what you think pls.

    I think you can’t excuse his behavior saying that he lost control and didn’t mean to do what he did if afterwards he didn’t own up to what he did and express remorse. If he would have been shaken up by what he did, I can understand you thinking, well, we all get angry at our children, and he just lost control, but it seems you are just looking for ways to give him the benefit of the doubt, without any justification. This may seem like a wonderful middah, but your case, it definitely isn’t, because the ramifications are tremendous and nobody deserves to be treated this way.

    I hope very much you didn’t excuse his behavior to your 6 year old. I also hope you told her that you believe her account. It is extremely damaging to a child to have her doubt something she herself witnessed.

    However, inside I am an amazingly funny, creative strong person with ideas.

    I have always thought this about you from other threads you have posted on. Not to mention your screen name which is a riot and takes creativity to think of.

    I have heard wonderful things about Shalom Task Force. It is important that you keep in contact with them so they can guide you.

    Hatzlacha rabba. And please continue to post. We care. And so many members here can give you emotional support.

    in reply to: Toilet Training #842562
    flowers
    Participant

    good.jew: I was also going to say that Nechoma may have been referring to the fact the we must turn away from a child who isn’t dressed properly when saying a bracha.

    As to what you said, I disagree totally. One doesn’t need to understand the words of a bracha to know that we are saying a bracha to thank Hashem for the food He has given us, and if we don’t say the bracha it is as if we stole the food since all the food actually belongs to Hashem. A 5 year old should understand this.

    what popa said: Adults don’t think about the brachos they are making either, and often don’t know what they mean either. is unfortunately too true. From observing my own children, I think 5 year olds make better brachos than most adults I know.

    in reply to: Very disturbing, please only kind people read. #842341
    flowers
    Participant

    Always: Banging a child’s head against a wall is a very violent act. It is never done by a healthy parent.

    Furthermore, to deny it and make the child not believe what actually happened is totally abusive. Such talk is deliberate and is never a mistake

    in reply to: Toilet Training #842557
    flowers
    Participant

    good.jew: children should be taught to make brachos as soon as they are able to speak. A 5 year old who hasn’t a clue what is really saying either has delayed language and needs services or someone isn’t teaching the kid like s/he is supposed to.

    in reply to: Toilet Training #842536
    flowers
    Participant

    Just know it’s a process that can take a lot of time and patience. It is unrealistic to expect that it will happen the first day. Overdoing it isn’t going to speed things up.

    If possible let him run around with his bottom bare.

    Depending on the kid, sometimes it might feel like it will never happen, but it will.

    Good luck.

    in reply to: Girl Zone #841806
    flowers
    Participant

    for you bpt

    in reply to: infected ears #841052
    flowers
    Participant

    Slump: I believe it’s not wise to continue to wear fake earings during the time your ears are infected. Put in real ones to keep them from closing. If your ears get infected again from fake ones after they are already healed then it’s really unwise to wear fake ones at all. I highly doubt any doctor will tell you it’s no big deal to keep on infecting your ears.

    in reply to: infected ears #841049
    flowers
    Participant

    for infected earlobes, you clean it with alcohol and smear on bacitracin twice a day. That usually takes care of it.

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839686
    flowers
    Participant

    Zdad: I use the internet because it’s my parnassa.

    Let’s take the chain saw example. This is the difference in danger to a person who has no clue that it’s dangerous, to one who knows good and well it’s dangerous. Such a person takes precautions and care for himself and those around him. Pretty much everyone who actually uses a chainsaw knows it’s dangerous. A child or low IQ person may injure themself because they don’t understand the danger, however, most people know the danger and won’t use it if they can’t handle it. (Like me, I would be scared to use it). And those who don’t realize the danger are much more likely to get seriously injured from it. While those who know the danger has much less chance of getting injured either by not using it or using it with caution.

    Compare & contrast that to the internet. People don’t know how dangerous it is. Let’s take you for example. You think there’s nothing dangerous about it, and don’t tell me it’s because you need it for parnassa. That may be true (or not), but you have no awareness of the danger since you disparage & ridicule those who think it has terrible potential.

    Not to mention those that have fallen in, many don’t even realize they have fallen in. There are those who have fallen in and can’t climb out. And there are those who have fallen in that are working very hard to climb out.

    Just because I use the net, doesn’t mean I don’t understand and see that it has the potential to ruin peoples lives. And if one MUST use it, they should understand the dangers and take precautions. And that it’s definitely better not to use it at all.

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839681
    flowers
    Participant

    Not YWN, Not Project Yes, Not the Shumz , Not Yahoo , Not ESPN Not ANYTHING. NO INTERNET.

    That’s right. No YWN, no yahoo, no ESPN. Where’s the catastrophe?

    The harm the internet can and does do far far outweighs any benefit.

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839675
    flowers
    Participant

    and Zdad, it is obvious the reason why guns kill less people is simple because most people don’t own them. And those that do have it locked up and it hardly gets used!! Doesn’t that tell you something??!!

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839674
    flowers
    Participant

    and Zdad, According to you, guns aren’t as dangerous as cars, nor as spirtually dangerous, so why not leave them around your house. What exactly were you trying to prove?

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839672
    flowers
    Participant

    What about a chain saw

    I have yet to hear of someone continuing to use a chain saw because he is addicted to it’s use even though it’s doing a great deal of damage like chopping off his toes and fingers.

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839671
    flowers
    Participant

    Zdad: You missed my point. If you think that banning internet means you should ban everything else why is the reverse not true? It makes no difference if cars kill more than guns or vice versa. The point is according to your logic the reverse should also be true. If you allow internet, why not allow EVERYTHING? Sounds stupid, no?

    in reply to: Are internet bans hurting or helping? #839657
    flowers
    Participant

    zahavasdad: you’re right. Nothing should be banned. Why not give your kids loaded guns?

    in reply to: Graphology #840190
    flowers
    Participant

    I had my handwriting analyzed. It was so accurate it was spooky.

    in reply to: Popa Is Retarded. By, Popa #1200439
    flowers
    Participant

    DY: The term has to keep on changing thanks to people like Popa who use it in disparagement.

    in reply to: Popa Is Retarded. By, Popa #1200434
    flowers
    Participant

    Wikipedia:

    ” The terms mental retardation and mentally retarded were invented in the middle of the 20th century to replace the previous set of terms, which were deemed to have become offensive. By the end of the 20th century, these terms themselves have come to be widely seen as disparaging and politically incorrect and in need of replacement.”

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839325
    flowers
    Participant

    Jothar: I agree

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839321
    flowers
    Participant

    The Rambam says: “However the children and the grandchildren of these errants, whose parents have misled them, those who have been born among the Karaites, who have reared them in their views; each is like a child who has been taken captive among them, who has been reared by them, and is not alacritous in seizing the paths of the commandments; his status is comparable to that of one who has been coerced. Even though he later learns that he is a Jew and becomes acquainted with Jews and [the Jewish] religion, he is nevertheless to be regarded as a person who is coerced, for he was reared in the erroneous ways [of his parents]…”

    Jothar: According to what the Rambam says, what you said is totally wrong.

    I don’t know what R’ Moshe says but it’s certainly more than what you wrote Jothar. If a tinok shenishba is expose to a frum Jew from speaking him 2 minutes on the phone, does he lose that status? What about seeing a Jew for two minutes? Doesn’t make any sense.

    You also can’t decide that being exposed to a frum web site is equivalent to being exposed to Frum Jews.

    in reply to: Light it up :-) #838650
    flowers
    Participant

    Beautiful!

    in reply to: Why? #838245
    flowers
    Participant

    It’s all a facade. On a video that had a Baal Teshuva used to work in Hollywood said “the people in Hollywood are the most miserable people on earth”.

    And most of their marriages don’t last very long!

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839318
    flowers
    Participant

    I highly doubt it.

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839316
    flowers
    Participant

    cantgetit: I never said s/he posted on Shabbos.

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839314
    flowers
    Participant

    apushatayid: I don’t understand why you are arguing about this. It is very clear this person grew up in a frum environment. Google can teach about Judaism, but the way s/he talks isn’t just knowledge about Yiddishkeit. It is totally the way a frum person would talk. And this troller admitted that s/he is (or at least was at that time) in Australia!

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839310
    flowers
    Participant

    I know a lot about christianity, am I a former member of the church?

    Your question doesn’t prove anything, since most of us don’t know enough about that religion nor the knowledge that YOU know to answer the question.

    However, whether or not we should be calling attention to this behavior, there is no doubt whatsoever that this person was brought up in a frum environment.

    in reply to: The Rant to End All Rants #835844
    flowers
    Participant

    I don’t think “docile” is a necessarily a positive attribute for adults

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839270
    flowers
    Participant

    AZOI.IS:

    I would think this is the perfect place to call attention to this behavior. This place has potential to be completely anonymous, and can make him/her just enough embarrassed to make him change without actually making it hard for him to face people. And if the behavior is corrected, then nobody need know about it at all.

    in reply to: The Mechalel Shabbos Troll #839267
    flowers
    Participant

    What a smart way to be Mekarev a lost Jewish soul who’s posting on Shabbos….

    This troller seems to be a troublemaker and an obnoxious person. If indeed s/he is posting on Shabbos, then s/he is an OTD person because there is too much knowledge there about yiddishkeit. Or perhaps people think this person is frum but posts on Shabbos – like there are “frum” people who text on Shabbos. Being polite about the chilul Shabbos isn’t going to be “mekarev” her/him. And calling him on this behavior isn’t going to make the situation any worse nor make him decide to continue being MS

    in reply to: Children's fights #870793
    flowers
    Participant

    mommamia22: What your saying makes sense.

    Aries: Thank you. I like the idea of having a meeting and setting rules down.

    in reply to: When the shadchan doesn't give up! #833672
    flowers
    Participant

    nobody would ever get married if it weren’t for the Shadcan and their tactics. Thank G-d for the shadcan.

    Some incompatible shidduchim that end up in divorce also would never have happened if not for the manipulative & deceiving tactics of shadchanim.

    in reply to: Time to go work? #833290
    flowers
    Participant

    He was raised in a culture that did not even allow the thought that he could go out to work and support his family – if it did occur to him, he had been taught that it was an evil thought that must be purged. Is this what the system is coming to?

    How do you know this is why he stooped to theft. Did he say that, or this is your assumption?

    in reply to: 40 challah bakers #833496
    flowers
    Participant

    Making challah now. Will have your uncle in mind.

    in reply to: Help! #831063
    flowers
    Participant

    Supergirl: what happens if you simply tell her “that’s a mean thing to say”? or “what a nasty thing to say”? But don’t say it like you’re hurt. Say it strongly with confidence.

    in reply to: To Petch or not to Petch #830134
    flowers
    Participant

    real israeli: I like your idea.

    in reply to: To Petch or not to Petch #830125
    flowers
    Participant

    Tell them you are counting to 3. If they don’t stop by 3, you send them to their room for a timeout. If kid is 5 yrs old, they have to be in the room alone for 5 minutes. For 7 yr old, 7 minutes. For every time they come out of room before time is up, give another minutes.

    in reply to: tinok shenishba #829625
    flowers
    Participant

    ZosHaTorah: How did you answer the question?

    lolkatz: I highly doubt it.

    in reply to: King of Jewish music #828814
    flowers
    Participant

    MeinMeinung: I like your answer.

    in reply to: Screen Name Subtitle #978239
    flowers
    Participant

    Real Israeli: Isn’t Israel the home for all Jews, no matter where in the world they live?

    in reply to: common Jewish last names #828455
    flowers
    Participant

    I think Schwartz is the most common.

    in reply to: Please don't tell me to ask my LOR…I can't #828776
    flowers
    Participant

    Popa: though I can’t provide a source, I do know it’s 100% correct. A half sibling has same halachos as full sibling.

    .

    in reply to: looooooooser #829751
    flowers
    Participant

    Go to your local library or go online, and find self help books that resonate within you. Read, read & read. If you’re a woman the book “Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame” by Beverly Engel may help you.

    in reply to: Unix programming? #826541
    flowers
    Participant

    You can post questions about KSH, CSH, SH, BASH, PERL, PHP, SED, AWK and OTHER Unix shell scripts and shell scripting languages here:

    http://www.unix.com/shell-programming-scripting/

    in reply to: How do you know when its time? #825805
    flowers
    Participant

    WOI: You have decided you are correct, and therefore are looking for an excuse why everyone else thinks you are wrong. You found it: it must be because automatically everyone blames the man. That is not true at all.

    Perhaps she is pushing you to earn more money, because you are pushing her to earn more. It’s not her responsibility no matter what her potential to earn is. The only thing she should be responsible for is paying back the loans for her masters (unless you were the one to push her to do it).

    Now let’s see. Your expenses are $6000 a month + other expenses, so something like $7000 a month. Her earnings are somewhere like $2400 before taxes ($60x10x4), after taxes should be something like 25% of monthly expenses which is $1750, which is what you state you want.

    There is a quote: If two people tell you you are drunk, you should lie down. I came to my (incorrect) conclusion because of the pressure it seems you are putting on your wife, and you went to 4 therapists (spent thousands by them) and they all told you it’s your fault. Sorry, while I can’t possibly know the full story, and all these therapists may be idiots (who just blame the man for everything), it is highly unlikely especially since you are highly articulate, and you could clearly express what is going on (not everyone can do that), so even if initially they thought you are wrong (since you’re a man – highly doubtful though), you should have been able to explain the situation well enough.

    Hatzlacha rabba

    in reply to: How do you know when its time? #825798
    flowers
    Participant

    Working on it: My apoligies for jumping to the wrong conclusion. I have seen too many who throw the burden of income on their wives, when it really is their responsiblity to support the home. I didn’t have the whole picture. Hatzalcha rabba.

    in reply to: Degree before learning full-time #825357
    flowers
    Participant

    You can’t compare both sceanrios. The second guy’s father clearly paid for son’s education, the first one had to pay on his own. There are other factors to consider too. The second guy learned for ten years? Either he got help from parents or his wife had a great job. First guy didn’t have that.

    in reply to: How do you know when its time? #825792
    flowers
    Participant

    With all the great advice over here, I think it’s all for naught. There is more than a trace of narcissism in his posts.

    in reply to: How do you know when its time? #825783
    flowers
    Participant

    Aries: wow! your post is amazing.

    in reply to: Procrastinating #824622
    flowers
    Participant

    1. Consider the desired action a ‘procedure’, and separate it into smaller ‘tasks’, as though you were going to teach it to a trainee. Write a brief outline or draw a flow chart if it helps you to clarify things.

    2. Next, sit upright in a comfortable chair and imagine that you are starting with the first task. Run through the entire action thoroughly in your imagination. At the same time, be aware of your emotions: are you experiencing any of the feelings which have made the procedure difficult to start doing? Let’s call these your ‘inhibiting feelings’.

    3. Keep working through the task in your imagination: do it with powerful will and focus, while experiencing the inhibiting feeling at the same time. Try to keep the inhibiting feeling going as you continue. You can even try to intensify the inhibiting feeling as much as possible while you imagine doing the task with focused and unwavering determination. Continue until you have reached the end of the first task. Repeat this a few times.

    4. Follow this same method with each of the other tasks in the procedure until you have performed the entire procedure in your imagination. Repeat as desired.

    5. Start making it a point to go through these steps whenever you notice an ‘inhibiting feeling’ about any action you need to do. Make a habit of pursuing any feelings of ‘being blocked’ or ‘feeling too lazy’ you happen to experience during the day, and using this method on them, making sure to perform the related tasks in your imagination with great will, purpose, and focus.

    6. After doing this for a while, you’ll probably begin to find that it has become too easy to simply go through a procedure in your imagination: the inhibiting feelings won’t be strong enough to offer a good challenge anymore. So, the next step will be to use this same method, but to actually do the tasks with real action, working with powerful will and focus while trying to keep the inhibiting feeling as strong as possible.

    7. Make this your new hobby. Start hunting for and and going after these ‘inhibiting feelings’, and see how many you can ‘score’ each day. It’s a challenging new game you can play regularly.

    in reply to: Help! My child can't fall asleep at night #814863
    flowers
    Participant

    a mamin:

    According to maxihealth description of Formula 605, it contains melatonin.

Viewing 50 posts - 51 through 100 (of 201 total)