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  • in reply to: organic chemistry and or a and p #1198380

    Some Common Sense: fenofibrate Vs. Niacin as second tier choices to lower LDL, raise HDL, and lower triglycerides, in very old folk, go!!!!

    That will keep you busy.

    Also, which antipsychotics can be mixed into and taken with food so as to disguise it? Asking for a friend 🙂

    WinniethePooh – from a medical standpoint, I have (worryingly) been told by PAs and doctors that they will sometimes rely on the pharmacist to “proofread” their orders. While this is very very wrong and medical personnel should be absolutely sure that what they are ordering is correct, this places the pharmacist in a sort of “watchdog” position and they need to know dosages perfectly as well as drug drug interactions.

    Your job sounds kind of cool though. All I know about labs is, “If it looks like water, it probably isn’t!”

    in reply to: organic chemistry and or a and p #1198350

    Sparkly: My pleasure, consider reading “scaring me” as informing you 🙂

    As for epithelial/connective/muscle/nerve – you will probably see slides of them on your test, I think your lab test if ur taking A&P lab, you will have to name the tissue by the cells so remember what they look like. You probably also need to know function of them as well.

    Epithelial tissue – lining of organs, protection, insulation, outer skin. Think lining of stuff. You’re gonna have the breakdown of simple columnar, stratified, squamous, pseudo stratified, ciliated, blah blah blah so know that.

    Connective – adipose looks like soft clouds, hyaline cartilage is messy and crowded looking, There’s a few different types of cartilage so be able to recognize them, can’t remember all of them. Function: connects stuff? Oh and bone is CT also, very distinctive with the rings and rings of circles (lacunae).

    Muscle – skeletal – stringy looking, with the borders in between the muscle cells. And little dots to show the nucleus – thicker than smooth. Cardiac – looks like skeletal but it branches out. Smooth – thinner, no striations, lighter usually. Function: strength, moves stuff

    Nerve – you can’t miss it. You see the fried egg look of the nucleus and the long tail of the axon. Electric connectivity.

    Make index cards or matching or if you are walking on the street look at someone and think to yourself what the names of their body parts. Slightly creepy so be careful, maybe ask a friend to stand still for you instead, but it’s a great way of remembering where everything is. Also, on the test you always have your own body so if you can remember the names of each structure by naming parts of your body, that will help you.

    why are you doing this to yourself? What are you going for? You might not really need it.

    in reply to: organic chemistry and or a and p #1198327

    If you are just starting orgo 1 then you are probably learning functional groups or difference between alkane/Alkene/Alkyne or something to that effect. The torture will come. I suggest index cards and lots of them.

    in reply to: organic chemistry and or a and p #1198324

    Ok, so I’ve taken Anatomy and Physiology 1 and 2 and Organic Chemistry 1 and 2.

    Basically – A&P is fantastic! Yes, you learn a lot of material but because it is basically about your body which you are fairly familiar with, it is easy to memorize and understand. It’s fundamental for any medical job and even for non medical people, it is a great class because you understand your body and its function and will give you a greater understanding when dealing with regular function and illness. Case in point – Hirschprung disease. When the doctor says, “the problem is in the baby’s colon” – you have learned where and what and the function of the colon.

    From the Torah aspect – so important. You will have a much harder time taking your body for granted and gain an indispensable appreciation for the magnificent and intricate body Hashem has designed for us and that we barely scratch the surface of understanding its design and purpose.

    orgo – absolutely awful

    To those yechidim who will say “huh? I loved orgo! Best class ever! How could anyone have a hard time with it?”…consider yourselves blessed for you are not of this earth. You may also have chosen not to get married mid semester like I did, which may have helped things.

    For those engaged girls going for OT/PT/PA and are in that situation, it can be done but very in advisable.

    Like another poster said – it’s like memorizing a cookbook and all the recipes except having to know exactly which slice of onion will touch either the pot, the oil or another onion to continue the reaction.

    If you have to, definitely arrange your schedule to let orgo be your main focus for the semester if you can.

    I’m in PA school now, took it as a requirement and never found it to be helpful. I think it’s a “weed out” course for college admissions people.

    Torah connection – I haven’t found any but posters feel free to let me know. The intricacies are too detailed and are too difficult to relate to everyday Iife to have an inspirational element but you never know.

    in reply to: the shidduch system #1203096

    Seriously? Speed dating? To me, speed dating is “She’s pretty, she’s not, he’s cute, he’s not”, Isn’t marriage supposed to be about making a life together, helping one another grow, having personalities that mesh well together, and being able to live in peace and harmony together?

    It doesn’t make sense. Just relax about the looks, most girls and boys are decent looking with a few that are gorgeous and a few that are ugly. I have a seriously hard time with all these posts that girls are huge and ugly and boys are unkempt and rude.

    Have you people dated recently or gone to wedding with lots of young people? They look nice, The problem is the options thing,

    If you are speed dating, WHY would you stay with ONE when there are so many to choose from?

    Do regular dating and give each person a chance without thinking about all the other “fish in the sea”

    in reply to: Yeshiva tuition for large families #1159397

    I realize that yeshivas may not be the best at secular education and may not even realistically teach learning very well. The fact is that all frum kids have to go to a yeshivah/Bais yaakov, regardless of the scholastic achievements of the school. It’s just the way it is.

    Most frum families I know of have about 6-8 kids and not everyone is a doctor/lawyer that’s bringing in 7 figures. So how do people do it?

    My impetus for this post is because I’ve heard from friends and peers who, after seeing their parents struggle with tuition costs, are trying to deal with overwhelming yeshiva obligations by limiting family size.

    This route has been given rabbinic allowance, and those “special situations” are becoming increasingly more common.

    This disturbs me and I’d rather not succumb to what I see as a threat to Orthodox continuity.

    My question to those parents of many, is how they do it? Do you live your life normally but within budget and claim poverty? Or do you have an extremely low food budget, rent small apartments, and buy older used cars to pay for tuition,

    in reply to: Gee thanks, anti-vaxxers #1156273

    One type of immunity that doctors rely on is called “herd immunity” It assumes that because most of the population is immunized, even non immunized people are protected. The more people that refuse vaccinations increases the risk of everyone, even immunized people because vaccines aren’t magic. It is possible for a person, like me for example, to be immunized and the vaccine does not “take” for a variety of reasons.

    Also, certain extremely dangerous illnesses have been eliminated from the population because of aggressive vaccination. I’m not talking about chicken pox that is relatively benign to a healthy child. Whose kid has had polio nowadays? Polio has been largely eradication because of vaccination.

    Refusing vaccination will

    1) make your child susceptible to infectious diseases which can be debilitating and deadly.

    2) Infect others who are non vaccinated or non immunized despite vaccination

    3) Precipitate the return of deadly infectious diseases.

    in reply to: Dating Protocol #1088250

    Yes, there are many.

    Contact your local post-seminary girl for detailed instructions.

    in reply to: Getting married and no money #1087073

    Hey DY – sometimes its embarrassing to not have what everyone else has. This is because our society has made it embarrassing to be poor. And regardless of embarrassment, the couple will still get married. Ask 10 couples you know and they will surely tell you of a detail of their engagement and wedding that was painful. And that does not mean that they are not happily married! It hurts to be denied something that you feel is expected. I’m not gonna deny that. But life is not about comfort, it’s about struggle and overcoming challenges. Understanding your inlaws finances or your parent’s goes a very long way to achieving a real relationship.

    The way to change this is grassroots, be open with your kids what you can and can’t afford. Sure, when you tell them that there will only be fruit and cake by the shmorg, or that the ring is only .75 carats then they will probably be a bit upset. You can’t change that. Engagement is a very “gimme gimme” time. You’re dropping thousands upon thousands of dollars left and right and it makes a young chosson kallah see opportunities. It’s not their fault, its the nature of the beast.

    I’m asking for maturity. As parents you need to think in a nonselfish way, sometimes, doing what is not popular is best for you and your child in the long run. You may not make friends at first. Sure, everyone loves the parent who gives ice cream for supper and lets you stay home from school whenever you want. How many people love the parent who gives healthy food and insists “homework before playtime”?

    As a shtell tzu, how many kallos love the inlaw who skimps on the diamond bracelet because they want to give the couple an extra 1000 as wedding money? Or just because, they have their own reasons why they won’t pay.

    Trust me, its hard to show off a painfully obvious non-kallah bracelet…it’s very difficult. It’s shamefully difficult that friends make it so difficult. But I would never trade my husband for a 3000 dollar piece of metal and shiny pebbles. And when you look beyond the “what did they give me?” mentality, the inlaws and the parents are quite nice people with their story and struggles and love that they have for their children. People are always worth more than things.

    in reply to: Getting married and no money #1087006

    from LI- I agree that as soon as you find the right one, you should get married. But I think the topic is really pertinent. Society, our Frum society dictates how we spend money.

    When people get married, most will absolutely refuse to have minimal weddings and to cut down on expenses. No one wants to feel weird and not the norm when they get married and the slightest deviation from the norm is painful. Ex. not having a sushi station, getting a gold bangle instead of a diamond bracelet…

    This is what’s unreasonable. As a wonderful young man once told me, all you need to get married is a minyan. You can even splurge for chinese. If you ignore the societal, one upping that we have fallen into, weddings could be affordable and enjoyable by all. Unfortunately, we can’t do that. It’s too hard to be different and feel like the neb. This we learned from infanthood.

    I don’t know anyone who had to collect for their own wedding or someone who got married based on donations, but were the donations needed for a fancy wedding hall, pearl jewelry and a gold watch? Or was the money needed for rent, a refrigerator, pots, and the gemach rental for the gown?

    To clarify though, its not just the kids’ fault. Anyone who turns their nose up at the jewelry the neighbor’s kallah got, or sneered how “The Goldsteins just had fruit and cake by the shmorg”, is contributing to the problem.

    If you have the money, then by all means go all out. But when everyone feels that they need to get married off like the rich people, you run into this problem.

    If we stop looking over our shoulders at what our neighbors are spending and spend what we can afford, there will be much less of a problem of people spending money they don’t have. Of course, that is quite obvious, and yet when will it happen?

    in reply to: $10,000 shidduch offer #1072965

    Really? It depends if the family is in one of two mindsets

    A) This shadchan and only this shadchan will bring their shidduch (aka Avodah Zara)

    B) This is part of their hishtadlus to show Hashem they are trying their best. (Pretty extravagant but understandable, shidduchim is a hard parsha)

    Also, what does 10,000 dollars get you? A meeting? A promise to “keep you in mind”? A guaranteed marriage? At least 10 yes’s from guys? A date that will at least get to 5 dates?

    What are you paying for?

    in reply to: Wedding Checklist #1066543

    From a guy’s perspective: you need the ring and the girl and a minyan.

    From a girl’s: it’s gonna be alot!!

    Mentally walk through a wedding that you stayed at for the whole time and write down everything you can think of. Tiny little details can be inexpensive and make the wedding nicer and everyone happier….like lots of water and CUPS for after second dance.

    If you get caught up in wedding frenzy….there’s always the guy’s way!! Minyan, pie of pizza and done!

    in reply to: Women Going Overboard #1070010

    Ok, we’ll admit that a large portion of Pesach cleaning is spring cleaning. But who wants to clean for Pesach and then two weeks later do it all over again, just minus the crumb search? Also, if you dont clean the walls by Pesach, they will likely NEVER get cleaned! Unscrubbed walls! Forever! I’m being serious, its a scary thought! Trust me, when you clean them, after five, ten years or so, the schmatta will be black! Besides, even if we know 100% that there is no chometz, its still feels good to go into yomtov knowing that the whole house has been thoroughly cleaned. It makes us happy. The craziness and stress is unwarranted, true. Make a plan/schedule that includes the whole family and promise a treat if everyone helps out! Pizza on the sidewalk bedikas chometz night?

    in reply to: Sheitel With A Cap On Top #1072230

    I think sheitels are something that, when you look a little deeper, you find it disturbing. Yes, the purpose of covering your hair after marriage is tzniyus but everyone has to admit that a decent sheitel looks better than natural hair. Alot of times, Non Jewish people ask me about this. “If you’re covering your hair for modesty, why does your wig look so good?” After all, even when a married lady takes off her sheitel/snood/tichel, the hair gets crushed and unsightly after just a few months, so even if she had stunning gorgeous hair before her wedding, I think that most women will agree that they feel prettier with the sheitel on. I think, however, that banning sheitels is a misguided way to do things. Just like everything, use moderation.

    Don’t get a sheitel that is too attracting, and every women knows what that is and does not need to have it explained. If you get a decent, normal length, natural color sheitel and keep it a normal style for weekdays and a nice curl or blowout for shabbos, there shouldn’t be that many problems with tzniyus.

    When girls go beyond the line, they know it. I do not believe that girls have no idea when they are dressing innapropriately. They know it and I’m sure their husbands are aware also of what they are doing. No Asifa will solve this problem. It’s a Hashkafa problem of girls dressing up for others, or just wanting to be the prettiest girl around, something that they’ve learned it valuable. If the yeshiva world will value middos and tzniyus for its own sake instead of “frummer than thou” status, girls will respond and naturally wear more tzniyus items.

    in reply to: How to Deal with a Request for a Shidduch Picture #1136562

    You know how people say its a shidduch market? Markets work by supply and demand, and this is no different. Girls are in supply, boys are in demand. No one goes crazy over, “OMG, the chassan is so handsome!!, He’s a stunner! Wow, his suit is gorgeous!!, He has such a fantastic…..” No one does that, its just reality even though chassanim are an equal participant in the wedding. People want pretty girls, pretty is a commodity, just like money is. You ask what type of parnasah her parents have, makes sense you would ask for a picture also.



    You’re right that we have to make a clear distinction publicly that these sort of fringe groups do not represent the Jewish majority. The problem is that its really hard for manhigei Yisrael to label this group as problematic. Neturei Karta is very anti zionistic so they side with people who are also anti zionist. The problem is that in this post-WWII era, people will not openly say they are anti semitic, they’ll say they are anti zionist. So these groups are siding with people who hate Jews.

    Unfortunately, the Manhigei Yisrael will not openly say this. The Yeshivish Olam can also be said to be anti-Zionist, in that they are against the government and the establishment of the state of Israel. However, the Yeshivish Olam does not side with non-Jews to protest. Because of the similarities of mindset, I believe there will not be a clear distinction made between these radical groups and mainstream Orthodoxy. Without a clear distinction made, the secular government can’t prosecute radical anti Israel and anti-Jewish protests by the Neturei karta. So, their actions are protected by freedom of speech and they will not stop their behavior.

    in reply to: If you could change the Shidduch System #1056261

    owl +1

    You make a good point, its an important one. Guys need to have feedback on what they’re doing and a girl’s contribution to furthering their relationship is a strong point of connection. It’s totally fine to suggest date ideas or offer to bring food along. It shows that this relationship is important to you and that you want it to continue. Do it gently so that the boy doesn’t think that you’re doubting his dating abilities.

    Again, its a non-traditional thing to do. Most girls I know would not do this because they are afraid of leaving the mold of the girl, who does not actively contribute to dating.

    in reply to: If you could change the Shidduch System #1056238

    There are some really great opinions here. Seems like everyone is hurting and really wants to help single girls and boys out.

    Just to add my two cents. As a girl, I can really only speak for girls.

    I feel that the ridiculously insane pressure for shidduchim is the worst problem. It pushes girls into a state of desperation, hopelessness, and despair that has to be seen to be believed. I’ve been there and its awful.

    The only advice is to have meaning in your life that is only for you. If you hate your job but you’re doing it because you can leave at any time if you get engaged, then quit and do something you love. Go fun places, do fun things. Busy, exciting people are attractive. You will have something to offer, have what to talk about on dates, and present a picture of a unique and attractive individual that a boy will want to know more about. Also, if you have meaning to your life besides needing to get engaged as soon as possible, you will have a clearer head to make the decision to marry someone.

    Also, think about money, if you want a learning boy you need it. If you want a working boy, you need it. That’s just the way it is. Secretaries and assistant teaching jobs don’t make money. You don’t have to be rich but you must have a plan.

    I think it would be great if boys and girls could treat each other as adults. The initial few dates are just much easier and more comfortable with a shadchan in between. But after the couple feels mutual interest, they have to progress and treat each other as mature adults. Communicate directly, discuss where to go on dates, be mindful of the boy’s finances.w Don’t shy away from difficult conversations. Cover every topic as a mature adult and not a sweet aidel maidel who would rather her mother ask the hard questions for her. Life is hard and you need to know if you can trust this boy with your life and your deepest secrets. Just not on the first date, wait till later dates.

    I know some people felt that girls should pay on dates because of….? So that they can show that the girl has money? So the girl can demonstrate her feminist side? So the girl can show that she can budget?

    Let me pose to you then, boys. Would you like the girl to pick you up in a fancy car and then pay for the date? If it works for you go for it.

    To my understanding however, most girls want to be taken care of by their husbands, i.e, taller, stronger, kills bugs for them. Girls wooing boys is counterintuitive and not what any girl I know wants.

    Most of all though, I feel terrible that we are stuck in such a formal and costly system. Expectations are super high and extremely regimented and cause a lot of pain. Remember that you are a valuable person and that if the system is not working for you, you can change it. The shidduch system is not halacha, it is artificial.

    in reply to: Rechnitz – There is no Shidduch Crisis #1043189

    From the summation of YWN posters and responses to Rav Rechnitz’s article, I believe that a crucial point has been touched on but not discusses=d. There are enough shadchanim, the age gap is controversial at best. The main complaint is that there are no boys!

    Now, Hashem runs the world and wants each of His children happy. How could it make sense that Hashem would deprive so many wonderful girls from happiness by not creating their husbands? Do you really believe that?

    So if every woman has a man destined for her, where is he? I believe that we as a society have manufactured this crisis. A boy, to be considered an eligible match has to be a long time learner.

    A boy who can’t learn very well sees himself as a failure, because in our society, he clearly is. No one wants him. So maybe he’ll go to college or an honest profession if he is of strong moral conviction. If he is not and is far too damaged, then he’s a bum on the street. Either way, college/working/bum is completely unacceptable to a frum BY girl and therefore, hundreds of boys are removed from the dating pool.

    So we are creating the shidduch crisis by throwing away our boys. Boys who have wonderful middos, intelligence, love for Hashem, but lack the zitzfleish for learning full time. Very few Bais Yaakov girls will consider them for dating.

    First of all, how dare we convince boys that they are garbage because they can’t learn 10 hours a day? How dare we vilify a boy who, seeing that he does not have a future as a full time learner, goes to make an honest living? Is it an embarrassment for a man to provide for his family?

    It would be shameful if he walked away from Torah, absolutely. Torah makes a home, makes a person. Is a morning shiur/night shiur and daf yomi really nothing? Is that not Torah learning?

    People have commented that they know of many girls who DO want learner/earners, but there are none to be found. That too, is of our creation. How long can you tell a person that they are worthless because they can’t learn, their talents are worthless because they don’t include gemara, that working is shameful, for those who cound’t hack it in gemara before they believe you and walk away from it all?

    From my experience, it IS hard to find a learner/earner. When someone leaves full time yeshiva, it takes an enormous amount of moral conviction to stay connected to yeshiva and torah learning ,when the prevailing attitude is that you are a failure. The really serious boys who learn well and earn are gems and hard to find. Most fall to the wayside and become immersed in college or work and neglect Torah, which is absolutely not suitable for a Bais yaakov girl.

    The bottom line for people who think this post is too long, we push our boys off the derech and then complain that there are no boys for our girls to marry.

    in reply to: Dating During the 9 Days #1024711

    Many girls are anxiously waiting for the phone to ring and would be happy to go out at any time. Instead of whining that guys come hairier and you can’t go to Dougie’s, be happy that you are spending time with someone who is considering marrying you.

    And guys are hairy, that’s just the way they come, clean shaven is unnatural for them.

    Besides, it’s easier to go to milchig places, food is neat and pretty and occasionly cheaper.

    Have fun! And you can still get engaged on Tisha B’av to save on L’chaim cake!

    in reply to: Shidduchim�Girls are Shallow #1134602

    live right – of course i’m biased, my opinions are based of my observations. As I wrote there are a select few girls who are sincerely dedicated to Torah. However, I would venture to say that most of them, as the thread stated, want to tell their teachers and friends by their vort that they are marrying a “learning guy”. Yes, i would dare to say that it is because it is circumscribed and they just go with the flow, girls have always behaved that way.

    VM – perhaps I didn’t make myself clear? I was addressing the sad fact that only a minority of girls have such lofty aspirations, while a growing number just don’t want to stick out and have to tell everyone that her chosson is in college or working. It’s kind of awkward to say that to your sem rebitzen.

    Nevertheless, societal complaints and generalizations aside, every girl marries a boy and they have the choice to start out their life the way they would like to. Learning must be the basis for every household, that’s the way a successful happy home is started. If this learning is not altruistic, what kind of start is this?

    in reply to: Proposing #986833

    How about just something sweet and personal? I think the one knee thing is kind of hollywood movieish, and your knees will get all dirty! Write a poem, watch fireworks at night, write words on a cake…possiblities are endless! As a girl though, I would want more thought involved than flashiness…think what she likes and what she would like to happen, maybe she’s the type to want bended knee? If she does, the halachic shailos are between you and your rav.

    in reply to: The five-phase cycle of a girl in shidduchim #995526

    ouch this kind of hurts! live right – i hear the waiting game a lot!! So stressful!

    in reply to: Shidduchim�Girls are Shallow #1134596

    I think its interesting that girls are being called shallow for wanting a husband in learning. Has Torah become a commodity to be bought and sold now? Apparently it has. Actually, I think its just the Bais Yaakovy circle, the girls who went to BY seminaries and are now teaching/TTI/office jobs who would only marry a learning guy. They have so much of their life circumscribed that they could not fathom standing up and having a creative opinion. There are a very select few girls who have such a burning love for Torah that that is the only thing they want in a husband. For those girls, nothing less than a talmid chochum is what they want and deserve.

    For others, the girls who have been exposed to the realities of life, namely the costs of a frum lifestyle, do not want the kollel lifestyle. From what I hear, kollel only lasts a few years and then the husband starts looking for work, with no skills and probably no high school diploma. For this entire time, the girl is supporting and raising a growing family solely on the income of her teaching/office/special ed/speech therapy job.

    Some girls, in fact many girls do not want this lifestyle. It’s just not fair to them! If a married woman is raising the children shopping, cooking, laundry, doctors appointments with the kids, PTA….all the while holding down low paying job to cover all the expenses….what is she recieving from her talmid chochum husband? A dvar torah at the shabbos table? Being able to tell her friends that she has a husband in kollel? It gets old fast.

    I believe that most girls have seen this path and have chosen not to go down it, instead asking about a learner earner – a man who is a frum, good person, who likes Yiddishkeit and likes to learn but feels a responsibity to provide for his family.

    I believe that yes, girls are being shallow and afraid by only wanting to marry a learning guy. I know many girls and believe me, only very few of them truly have this burning love for Torah with the discipline to provide for the home without the physical contributions from her husband.

    Girls are shallow, but so is the society we live in. This is just one manifestation of the materialism and externally focused society we live in.

    How sad that Torah has become so cheap as to become mere bragging rights.

    in reply to: Girls, answer honestly #958083

    Just saying, I’m in shidduchim now so I’ve been wearing makeup every day, BUT my older brother told me straight out that most girls don’t need makeup and that he actually finds makeup unattractive.

    in reply to: Israel: Suicide of Chareidi Youth Raises Questions #875272

    You are obviously going through a difficult time.

    May Hashem help you with your struggle.

    in reply to: Seminary options? #907805

    You’re describing almost perfectly Ateres!

    It’s getting much more yeshivish and is famous for being very friendly, very little social pressure

    good luck!

    in reply to: How Can They Be So CRUEL!? #872872

    What is this video that is being discussed?

    Could someone give me a link?

    in reply to: How Can They Be So CRUEL!? #872854

    Thank you all for your suggestions and sympathy. Nothing has developed yet and it is getting frighteningly close to next year. I have to say though that this situation is definitely ideal for working on emunah, we seem to have realized painfully that only Hashem is in charge.

    A few points – shaarei arazim is not what it used to be, it now consists of very difficult cases, not just “sug beis” as you put it but problem kids who are violent nad many who can’t live at home, not the place for a nice mentch.

    Also, the same thing is going on with seminaries, my sister tells me that lots of girls were rejected and were forced to beg and plead or go to much worse seminaries because they were not rich, or yichusdik or smart enough. Apparently, some of these nice Bais Yaakov girls have no other option but to start working or college because noone wants them.

    Sam – what do you mean by a home yeshiva? Do you mean home schooling?

    in reply to: Shidduch segulah � One I have not seen before #858655

    The best segula for shidduchim is to drive for a bais yaakov’s chesed program. My list of drivers is getting shorter and shorter as everyone gets married.

    Contact your nearest BY school and volunteer! You’ll make their day!

    in reply to: teens doing chesed #863526

    Seems like your problem is that you are looking to do the classic chesed of going to visit an old lady in a nursing home, somthing you probably don’t have time for.

    Try looking in your personal situation, not just asking but looking and being attuned to what other people need.

    Also, if your school has a chesed program, you could volunteer to go an extra time whenever you are available, the school chesed can also be alot of fun if you enjoy meeting new families!

    in reply to: New NASI Study #843821

    Because a “good” girl would never step foot into college, this would label her unfit for a learning boy, a poor girl is theoretically doomed to settle for less than her dream of a learning boy because she will never escape her “poor family” status.

    Thinking in mathmatical terms, money is important to have to enable menuchas hanefesh to learn. But hasn’t history proved this wrong, with many gedolim living dirt poor?

    There is too much emphasis on gashmiyus in the system with all pressure placed on the heads of girls to live up to ridiculously high standards because in this system, boys (and their mothers!) hold all the power. Midos seem to have become the icing on the cake not what one looks for in a shidduch. Money, looks, grades…all gashmiyus.

    If this is what a learning boy bases his marriage on, there is almost no question that he will fail in learning simply because of his disgusting lack of midos.

    Derech Eretz kadma latorah.

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