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Viewing 50 posts - 751 through 800 (of 967 total)
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  • in reply to: What People Do to Have a Good Time #799923
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I love scramble (computer game). You have to find as many words as you can In 3 minutes or less.

    I see new words I’ve never heard of before,, so I figure my brain is growing.

    in reply to: Am I a chicken? #799542
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Yehudatzvi

    They give you Valium or Xanax?

    Aren’t those controlled meds?

    in reply to: Did you ever see a kalla sad by her wedding??!!(after the chuppa) #799496
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I thought before a chuppah a couple is not allowed to have wine (even if they’re not fasting on rosh Chodesh). Is that untrue?

    in reply to: Preterm Delivery #799448
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Poster, are you ok ?

    in reply to: What People Do to Have a Good Time #799921
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Barnes and nobles! I love to read and check out the books!!

    My husband and I kid that if we were to get stuck somewhere overnight (meaning, get locked in, we’d want it to be B & N/ or a supermarket!).

    in reply to: What is your favorite food? #799881
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Hands down, milk chocolate (unfortunately).

    Pizza is a good runner up, though.

    in reply to: Attack of The Yitush! (????) #799862
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Soooooo gross!!!!!!!!!!!

    I wonder if it is the same type of organism. Pretty cool that you realized the similarity.

    in reply to: Tumah in Camp – we must differentiate ourselves from the Goyim #808214
    mommamia22
    Participant

    How old is your son? I sometimes tell my older son (still very young) about when he meets his kallah how he will choose someone with good midos etc… Reinforce repeatedly the concept of healthy normal relationships by pointing them out and talking about them. The more you linger on a subject the more it remains in the head.

    in reply to: The pain that ensues from dating for so long…. #799398
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I once heard that a shidduch will be brought to a person three times (opportunities). I once went out with someone in Israel, left briefly to the u.s.a. to wrap up work, came back and continued to date him, ended it, and then “bumped” into him on an eged bus not long after that. I was so startled, I was shaking! My issues with him didn’t disappear, so I didn’t pursue it, but I always wondered if that was Hkb’h’s way of bringing me my zivug three times….. Maybe this is their second opportunity?

    in reply to: Did you ever see a kalla sad by her wedding??!!(after the chuppa) #799494
    mommamia22
    Participant

    A Kallah could just be scared by the whole prospect of marriage. A relative approached me many years ago at her wedding and told me she was scared. Fear can cause person to look sad and even cry. She may have had a falling out with someone moments before the chuppah, may have had second thoughts (not indicative of a bleak future, just a fearful present)… Weddings are stressful (it’s a production) and can bring out the grouchies in people. I told my relative that fear doesn’t mean there is a problem (unless it has to do with a serious problem with the other person, which she did not have).

    in reply to: The pain that ensues from dating for so long…. #799394
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Sounds like a self esteem issue (I wasn’t god enough for him then so too bad).

    in reply to: In-law advice #799484
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Great advice, Aries.

    I like the repeating what she’s saying part. The coaching her, I think I may have a little (a lot) more trouble with. I think what gets me is her tone of voice (how ironic, as my friend’s voice “gets” to her). I immediately put up my defenses when she scolds and criticizes me. If she were to “discuss” her concerns and quietly voice her frustrations, I could probably hear her better, and not spend time ranting about her rant!

    I’m just down in the dumps lately, and every time she yells at me she puts me there further.

    in reply to: Need some shidduch advice…. #1205911
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I agree with bein Hasdorim

    Ask a posek and if you’re given the go ahead, than have someone let it slip, as was mentioned.

    in reply to: The aroma of Challa baking in the oven… #799433
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Shabbos morning when your chulent has been in the crockpot overnight! Yum! So hard to wait for kiddush!

    in reply to: scary coincidence – terrorism in Eretz Yisroel #800104
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Yes, however…. We are all hearing the news how the followers of bin Ladin were trying to plan an”anniversary attack” on 9-11.

    in reply to: Need some shidduch advice…. #1205905
    mommamia22
    Participant

    You should not call directly. If the relationship was broken off by mutual consent than you have a better chance with her. If you broke her friends heart, unless your “ex’s” mental health issues are blatant and obvious to everyone, her friend may regard you as the bad guy (prior contact not withstanding).

    She may or may not feel comfortable dating you, but it’s certainly worth asking (have someone she respects do it for you).

    Years ago, someone sought me for a shidduch, who was previously married to a roommate from seminary. He was religiously what I was looking for, but it so creeped me out and I felt so much like I was betraying her that I declined the shidduch. Go in with an open mind, hopeful, and know that any possible snags may or may not be about you.

    Hatzlacha!

    in reply to: In-law advice #799480
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Zos hatorah

    You got it right on the mark. She lacks the filter to know when to comment and when not to.

    Oomis

    You are lucky your FIL got it the first time around when you stood your ground. I’ve had numerous conversations discussing boundaries we need in our relationship. She just doesn’t heed them.

    A babysitter has to know that in case of an emergency, if the parents cannot be reached immediately, to call hatzalah or 911. Coughing, although upsetting, is not a life threatening emergency that merits being yelled at for being unreachable for thirty minutes. If I yelled at you every time I couldn’t reach you you’d be appalled (especially if we had spoken twice earlier, as I had with my MIL). This is not about being appreciative because she’s family and babysitting. This is about someone who criticizes at every turn. A toxic personality who’s in the family.

    in reply to: The aroma of Challa baking in the oven… #799429
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Send some my way!!!!

    in reply to: Give it another shot or not #802557
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I know a couple who dated in Israel. She was teaching and he learning. They got engaged and then broke it off. Everyone thought it was over. Within a year we heard they were newly engaged again and they got married, and are, B’H happy. “do-overs” can work.

    in reply to: please say tehillim #799418
    mommamia22
    Participant

    She’s in my tefillos-good health ad meah v’esrim shanah!

    in reply to: ??? ???? ?? ???? – For women only! #1029308
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I’m out of my league. Sorry.

    in reply to: In-law advice #799472
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I’m not sure, but for the sole reason that she’s older than me and to preserve my relationship with my husband, I try to treat her with respect. Her disrespect towards me makes reciprocating very difficult, though. I don’t think kibud av applies to in laws.

    in reply to: Preterm Delivery #799445
    mommamia22
    Participant

    One of my kids was taken out 6 weeks early for fear the pregnancy was endangered. My baby was in the two pound range and was in the nicu for nearly a month. I ran daily to the hospital. It was a very hard experience to see other parents bringing their newborns home healthy and full term with no fears. People seemed sorry for me rather than happy. That child now is much older, in school, and you would never know there were any issues at birth. Another child of mine was also a preemie when my water broke early, and now, years later, has caught up. So, I’ve had lots of experience with it.

    in reply to: In-law advice #799470
    mommamia22
    Participant

    After she began scolding me I was so shocked, I said nothing and just listened. She is family, and older, and so I try to understand that she might have been nervous about his cough, upset about other things, down overall, etc. However, it doesn’t make it any easier to interact with her when I can probably count on her scolding me for doing something wrong (when I already feel horrible about myself without anyone helping me along that path). She’s not a bad person. She just doesn’t “get it”. It’s just really grating on me.

    in reply to: Preterm Delivery #799443
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Do you have a preemie?

    in reply to: Give it another shot or not #802554
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I agree with Aries. A lot depends on the reasons they let it go in the first place. Maybe they couldn’t decide and didn’t want to drag it out. Maybe they thought they were ready to get married in general and then realized they needed more time. Frankly, if they compared you to another and therefore lost interest (I once was set up with someone who actually spoke of his interest in another girl we both knew who was married! Get a life!)I wouldn’t give them the time of day. There would be no future there. If his problem was his own that’s one thing. If his problem was with you, that’s another.

    in reply to: You Are Cordially Invited #1096073
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Happy, happy birthday!!!

    in reply to: Preterm Delivery #799439
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Oh, yes, yes, yes.

    in reply to: Catskill Nostalgia #805337
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Oh, yeah. I’m in the day of Grossingers and the concord. What a blast from the past to hear those names!

    in reply to: In-law advice #799467
    mommamia22
    Participant

    My husband is practically married to his mother. They are very close. My mother reminded me how, during Sheva brachos week, my MIL came over every morning, super early, to make breakfast. My husband is a “mommas boy”. They need to “cut the cord”. Part of their unhealthy way of relating is to say everything that’s on their minds and to most often criticize. It’s in the family. Both my husband and my MIL find fault with most everything. If I spend hours cleaning the house, why didn’t I organize the medicine closet. If I lost 50 pounds, they say “no way!”, if I dress beautifully for a wedding, I wasn’t ready soon enough. When my nephew came over to visit, my mother commented about how nicely he had grown. All my MIL could say was “yes, but he doesn’t have a job”. Never a kind word. My husband won’t even move as he wants to live near her. I do sometimes get babysitters, but it’s not always an option, and I can’t avoid her forever. There’s only so much you can swallow when a person never has a kind word to say to you. I have spoken to my husband about it, and he acknowledged it is a problem with her. She’s not always nasty, but all too often. She’s much older than me, but very immature in her way of relating to people. When we first got married, she told my husband that she disliked a single friend of mine so much (because she talks a lot in a whiny voice), and she absolutely refused to come if my friend was at our house. She acted like my friend had leprosy and that she might catch it. I’m just tired of all the nonsense and her indignantly feeling the right to rain on other people’s parade. It builds her self esteem to break mine. Aaaagh!!!!!

    in reply to: The Most Ignored Law's #812603
    mommamia22
    Participant

    No backing up in an intersection. I, of course, got “nabbed” for this one, while I’ve seen countless unsuspecting drivers committing this “heinous” act themselves! For shame, for shame!

    in reply to: cleaning lady advice #799151
    mommamia22
    Participant

    It’s ok to set limits with her as you would with any employee. Imagine if you ran a company. You could set a policy of no personal calls (unless it’s an emergency) except during lunchtime or after hours. If she’s present for a lengthy period of time, hopefully you give her breaks. If the frequency of calls continues, you can point out to her that you notice that she has a lot of “emergencies” and that she’s having difficulty getting the work done. Ask her if she is able to refrain from talking or texting for “x” period of time (2 hours, 3 hours etc). If she says “no”, you have your answer as to whether to continue to employ her.

    in reply to: A question about being self- centered #804137
    mommamia22
    Participant

    It reminds me of methods of parenting. We tell our children “if you do what you’re told, then you will get such and such (an ice-cream, stay up late, etc) and if you don’t do such and such you will lose out on something (a trip, a playdate etc”. We need to be taught through external motivators the value of listening. These motivators are tangible rewards. The idea of being good being it’s own reward may be too distant for us to comprehend initially. Perhaps it’s the same with shcar v’onesh.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Solution #799402
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Minyan gal

    I agree with you completely. No one should strive for mediocrity. My point was that we often get caught up in wanting the “package” to be complete beforehand. This is where I think the problems lay. I have cousins who married very young who later went for graduate degrees and doctorates. There’s no reason someone can’t strive to reach their potential and do their best, but I think it’s a mistake to either strive to complete this before marriage or only meet those who have accomplished this beforehand. If someone says being average is enough for them, that may be a red flag. On the other hand, if someone says “I have goals and I strive to accomplish them with time” that’s another story.

    in reply to: Who inspired you? #798264
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Brother

    It really worked. Of course we looked at everyone else, but only after momentarily trying to figure out if he was talking to us. It was very effective and made a very great impression on us about what tzidkus is.

    in reply to: Who inspired you? #798261
    mommamia22
    Participant

    We had this one teacher in school, a Lubavitcher, who never wanted to embarrass a girl if she was disruptive or misbehaving in class. He had a very unique way of calling her attention to her behavior, without letting anyone know who he was speaking about (and, in fact, he probably caused a ripple effect of others shaping up at that moment also). He would say (without looking at anyone in particular)”she is talking” ” she is chewing gum”, and everyone would stop to figure out if he was talking about them. It was truly amazing and effective. he was one of the inspirational people I met along the way.

    in reply to: How well do u get along with your siblings? #798434
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I’m sorry, I got sidetracked. In response to your question, although we’re not very close, I think we get along better now. We were very different personality wise as kids, but I think not just adulthood, but good marriage has brought out the best in personality and minimized the moodiness that existed in youth.

    in reply to: How well do u get along with your siblings? #798433
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Minyan gal, I’m sorry for your loss

    Goq, their behavior is very hurtful. Do you generally keep in touch with them?

    I find that I too miss out on (less) important information, particularly when our contact wanes. It’s hurtful to me. I feel left out when I find out from my parents about an event second hand, like when they were being honored by their shul, or when a graduation passed (how did I not know!?! (an aunt).

    I care about my family and I know that if I want contact that I must reach out and initiate it (I’m the outgoing one in the family).

    What has affected me, and I know this sounds terrible, is that I was the one who wanted someone very frum and yet my siblings married, B’H, very frum men, and I’m tzintering about the frumkeit in my home. That makes it very hard for me to be close, not just with my family, but with friends. I don’t feel so sad about my life if I don’t see the brachos that other people have (frumkeit, parnasah, children, etc).The problem is, the only way to shield oneself is to pull away, and then you get the flip side of missing the contact.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Solution #799399
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Being “carreer” minded is the problem . A girl can take a bookkeeping class, go for a two year degree to be an ultrasound technician, work in an office, etc.

    A lot of the women that I know were very carreer minded and wanted men who were very accomplished either in learning or in their careers as well. What ever happened to accepting mediocrity for the time being, and leaving room to progress and grow with time?? Starting out living tight and not being scared? We feel such a push to be completely settled, I think that’s what’s hurting us.

    in reply to: tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor.. #1011891
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Isn’t it “… An Indian chief”?

    in reply to: "wiggers" #800273
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Could you please elaborate about what you learned (“you will be chased by fire”)?

    In terms of switching from wearing a wig, you might find it easier to do so gradually. Try wearing a really wide headband like the chassidishe women wear. It covers a large portion of the top of the wig and will allow you to get used to that look. Try to wear a hat fall, also. If the wig hair isn’t too long, and you wear a hat or a tichel on top, revealing only some of the hair, you will get used to that look. Wear earrings also, as you will feel more feminine when you show less hair. I think feeling comfortable with a look has a lot to do with those we see and hang out with. Look for women who wear tichels in a way that you admire. They will be more than happy to show you how to tie it in a really nice way, and you’ll see others who are doing it too.

    You can also try wearing a tichel for brief periods of time to get used to it: shabbos, early mornings, etc.

    They used to sell something called a pony tail snood. It looks like an extra large barrette with a fabric bag attached to it. You might be able to make one yourself, if you can’t find one. They’re really useful. You can put your hair in a low ponytail, snap the barrette on and put the pony in the bag. Then, plop a deep hat on top, which will fully cover your hair. It’s a pretty decent compromise, looks more up to date, and may help you feel more feminine.

    in reply to: How do you know you're in school for the right profession? #797961
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Volunteer work can help. I know lots of girls who worked at HASC and saw various professions like OT, PT, speech, special Ed, nursing, etc. Based on that, they were able to find their profession of choice. I thought I wanted OT, till I volunteered in a hospital where OT’s worked in multiple units. It was soooooo boring. The only thing I found remotely interesting was how they made casts. There’s no guarantee that you’ll like what you choose, though. I know someone who was accepted to dental school, paid for it, and weeks into the first year HATED it! He switched out, and lost the money he paid. He decided to become an actuary, and was much happier. The point being, like everything in life, do your research, get to know your preferences a bit, and then take a chance. You need to begin from a point of interest, though. If you have no idea what’s of interest, try volunteering in a place that exposes you to several choices, like a hospital or a special Ed program. Small businesses and law firms may take volunteers to help with minor office work, allowing you opportunities to speak with others in those professions.

    in reply to: Derech Halimud #1093268
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Toi

    I’m confused by your speech

    You use words like “dumb” “blockheads” and “shteiging” in the same paragraph. Those two manners of speech don’t seem to belong together. You also dismissed the recommendation of a rav (“30 year olds….”) while two other people recommended the same rav.

    in reply to: Derech Halimud #1093247
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I’m so impressed with what you’re saying. Maybe you’re one of the future gedolim. Maybe what you need to do is not just look for a yeshiva, but find a rav who can be your personal guide. Rabbi Rudinsky in Monsey, is fairly young and at an even younger age (shidduchim) had already completed learning much of Shas (if not all. I don’t remember). Speak with him. Maybe he can tell you how he did it in light of the current problem you are describing.

    in reply to: Easiest Online Accredited Degree #808033
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I disagree that online degrees are not worth the paper they’re written on. Look for a reputable program, like University of Pheonix, and look for a course of study that matches your interests. Once you earn your degree, a lot will have to do with experience, so start getting some now, even if you do so as an intern or volunteer. Companies are reluctant to hire new graduates with no experience whatsoever, in a given field.

    in reply to: Am I a chicken? #799525
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I went for one, and like you, hated it. The way I lasted, though was that a) they told me they would pull me out if I wanted at a moments notice (I definately have a bit of claustrophobia) b) they actually did several rounds that only lasted a few minutes each, which helped and c)strangely enough, I found that the lights inside had a silver interior that were cone shaped with what looked like lines. I counted the number of lines again and again until I thought I got an accurate count. Sounds crazy, but it literally took my mind off what was happening and allowed me to stay in, with my mind occupied. I think you may want to ask for some kind of med to relax you, though, as you’ll have a preconceived notion of what it will be like beforehand, and you want to go in relaxed. Also, ask them if they could break it up a bit, time wise, so you’ll feel like you won’t be in for that long of a stretch of time at any given moment.

    in reply to: new gender test #806216
    mommamia22
    Participant

    I don’t think in China that they necessarily terminated the pregnancy. I think many girls were put in orphanages since a boy was considered more valuable to a family for what he could contribute economically.

    in reply to: Salads #797380
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Try quinoa salad.

    Boil quinoa according to directions (buy pre-rinsed kind).

    Add olive oil, lemon juice, cashews, craisins, chopped fresh mint leaves, and salt (serve at room temperature) Very delicious.

    Kosher by design cookbook also has some amazing salad recipe’s. If you have the book, I can make some recommendations of salads I’ve made that guests loved.

    in reply to: Dating in the Rain #799252
    mommamia22
    Participant

    Someone I was set up with, learning full time and very yeshivish complimented me on my earrings on the first date. It did not sound inappropriate at all. I think a lot depends upon how it is said. As far as postponing a date, if it’s going to rain for three days, she could lose the shidduch. If he’s got a list, he may not want to wait. What is she going to do? Hide when it rains until they’re engaged? Time to be brave!

    in reply to: What makes someone Modern Orthodox? #797133
    mommamia22
    Participant

    MO is like a rainbow. You will find those from the very weak in shmiras hamitzvos to the very strong. The philosophy is something else to discuss. They don’t advocate not listening to rabbeim, SOME rely on kulos determined by rabbeim.

Viewing 50 posts - 751 through 800 (of 967 total)