Forum Replies Created
The salt in cold water is supposed to work the same way as plain warm water (causing the bugs to loosen their grip). Apparently, the salt clouds the water, though, so I guess that method (salt water) is only good for some vegetables. I’m not sure what makes those veggies different, though.
Rabbi Falk (Gateshead) has a booklet called “Madrich l’bedikat tolaim”.
He goes through all the vegetables and fruits and explains how to check them.
He explains that for broccoli, it’s easiest to remove the florets (to discard) and just rinse and inspect the stems.
The florets can be checked, but insects are harder to see because they tend to be darker in color, closely resembling the color of the broccoli. He recommends using a white or light yellow bowl, filling it with warm water (which causes the insects to loosen their grip) without salt. He says salt clouds the water.
Dip the broccoli in the water and run your thumb over some of the florets to loosen them. Swirl the broccoli in the water vigorously a few times, then remove and shake it over the water like a thermometer. Check the water surface after half a minute and remove anything suspicious onto a white napkin or white paper plate. Next, inspect the bottom the same way after pouring off a bit of the water.
The broccoli is edible if you find nothing.
Cauliflower is considered easier as infestation is less common. Cut off the bottom primary stem and accompanying leaves. Cut the cauliflower into florets and cut those in half, bending them a bit so you can see clearly. Soak it in salt water as a precaution (and check the surface of the water). It can be used if no insects are found. He says to discard the top of the stems if you find a green fly or thrips as it would be impossible to check the rest carefully enough for further infestation. Black flies (up to two on a head) are not considered problematic. You remove them and do what was written above to make sure all is clear (I actually look at the head wrapped in plastic before I buy. I have sometimes seen a fly on top of the head just inside the plastic wrap).
My son encountered a math problem (only 1 out of hundreds) that seemed to possibly suggest using a calculator.
Soon after, when we go shopping for school supplies, he insists he needs a calculator. When I point out it was only for one question he says “I’m not allowed to use my brain! It’s cheating!”August 30, 2012 4:26 am at 4:26 am in reply to: sheitel-wearers, any advice in choosing wig for chemo patient? #894261
First of all, aurora, I hope your mom gets well soon.
I’ve never worn synthetic, but based on what I’ve been told about them by someone who does (who likes them) I do not recommend it for your mother.
Chemotherapy and the resulting hair loss is very traumatic and trying. I think it’s best to try to reduce any changes in not only appearance, but the feel of the hair, as much as possible.
Synthetics, I’ve been told, cannot be washed well. The look is less authentic than a human hair wig.
Many makers of human hair wigs are also very experienced working with people who have or will be experiencing hair loss due to medical conditions such as alopecia or chemotherapy.
They measure the size of a persons head, trace on paper the hairline edge, so that the cap of the wig fits well (not too tight or loose) and it will mimic a person’s own natural hair line.
They can also blend colors naturally (blonde and gray) whereas it might be more difficult to achieve an identical look to her own with a synthetic (meaning machine/ready made) wig. They can use hair that also has a similar texture to her own (straight).
Your mother would not need to sit for it to be washed and styled regularly. Once the wig salon knows how she likes it, she can have someone drop it off for her to be styled and picked up later that day.
Human hair wigs cost more, but there are different price ranges depending on who she goes to to have it made.
My sister wore a wig prior to marriage when she underwent chemo as well. It actually normalized how she felt when everything else was so upside down.
Mostly yeshivish working.
A mix of FFB’s and BT’s.August 30, 2012 1:32 am at 1:32 am in reply to: Mental disorder misdiagnosis affecting friends, shidduchim and status. #976954
Why do you think having a shadow kills them?
Do they stick out more because of the shadow or because of the issue necessitating the shadow?
As a parent of a child with a shadow I can tell you it’s often the latter.
A child who struggles to keep up academically begins to be viewed differently by the class. A child who has difficulty focusing or who becomes easily distracted and interferes with the work of others because he seeks stimulation also sticks out.
We actually revealed to a camp that my son was on meds for ADHD. They became apprehensive about their ability to manage him when, in fact, he was extraordinarily compliant because of it. There’s just no easy way.
I think if someone lived in war torn Europe during some part of the war, however long or short, and managed to escape early on, then yes, I believe they would be considered a survivor (of the war). Being alive during that generation but in an entirely different location for the complete duration of the war would not make one a survivor.
So, Most hold that it’s mutar. Great!
I never heard that.
I thought there were just different minhagim: those who cover the entire wedding, those who cover after yichud, and those who cover the next day.
I never heard of covering as being connected to whether she’s chosen to wear her wedding gown home.
I remember when I was in Israel and I went to the kotel at night, people told me I should not say tehillim then.
What happens if someone wants to daven for a loved one at night? They’re not allowed to say that specifically?
Has anyone else heard of this??
I think night is a good time for cheshbon hanefesh. It’s quiet, with few distractions, so we feel truly alone and ourselves with H’ and can own up to where we are holding (and can work on our emunah).
The ones where people sound bored and are just trying to start up a discussion about nothing.
The ones that have no connection to me (ie:Lakewood. I don’t live there, so if there’s a shortage of schools…)
The one’s I know nothing about (computers)
The ones that bash people.
While in sem in Israel, we plotted to trick the teacher. One girl called out “what’s today’s date?” another responding “March 4th (forth)” upon which time we all did. The teacher did not get it.
Why would someone assume that a rabbi is equipped to handle marital issues?
If a spouse is abusive, is a rav going to convince him/her to stop by citing Torah sources why it’s forbidden?
What training does a rav have to recognize deeper issues than surface conflict? Can a rav recognize a personality disorder? How about a mood disorder? Would a rav be able to state the criteria by which a person would be categorized as being bipolar, and possibly needing medication?
There are situations where a rav can help, but very often conflicts run deeper and need a very different kind of intervention.
I don’t think everybody is ready to get married in their early twenties. One reason people might rush, though, is because many men want young women. So, although theoretically, twenty five might be young, a woman of that age might be passed over much more often in lieu of women five to seven years younger. That puts real pressure on women to begin the search earlier than they might be ready.
We were also told by a rav of ours in seminary that it’s preferable for a woman to marry younger, closer to the time she’s in school, because she’ll more likely be influenced by her sviva and will be stronger in her yiddishkeit and will choose someone stronger in theirs (this was a bais yaakov sem, meaning, people who would still have the supports of their families outside of sem could still be pulled down by outside influences once they leave school).
Ask men and women in their forties and fifties who have not yet married how many of them are happy to be single. There may be those who married and wished they hadn’t, but most likely, they wish they either made a choice to marry someone different or at a different time, not to never marry. Even in the cases of divorce which I know of, the involved parties don’t wish to never have had their kids; only perhaps to have made a different choice of marriage partner or to have handled things differently. That’s not to say everyone feels that way. I speak of those I know and the many friends I know who are plotzing to get married. There might be a stage when being single is enticing, but it doesn’t last forever.
Many times it happens to be keeping up with the jones’. A wedding is a big party where you get to shop till you drop, you get to be the center of attention where everyone showers love and gifts on you, you get to “play house” with someone you’re (hopefully) attracted to. Then real life sets in. You’re on your own with cooking every meal, shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, working, having to be financially self reliant very often, not to mention having to deal with disagreements about things that can seem or even be very major. That’s when emotional maturity becomes of utmost importance. That’s when the ikar of getting married comes into play.
Let’s start with having kids. We want to get married because we want to have kids and a family of our own. Our parents don’t live forever. You can share time with a roommate but you don’t build a life with one. Common goals worked on together become the future of your lives shared: Raising a family, helping each other and your children grow in Yiddishkeit. Part of the opportunity to grow in our emotional maturity presents itself best within the marital context. We learn about the areas we have to work on (if we recognize our part in our challenges). We’re chalkenged constantly to look beyond ourselves. We’re also created to want to have a close relationship with someone that we can’t have before marriage.
Yes, marriage can be hard, but so is remaining single. Fear of failure perpetuates itself. Getting married is about taking chances. You have to be willing to take the chance of failing if you want the chance to succeed.
Although our photographer was very reputable, we found the workers beyond obnoxious. My sister covered her hair with a fancy ponytail snood and large deep fancy hat. Moments before taking her picture he said to her “you, with the lampshade…”. It was hard to smile when every so often he would say nasty insulting remarks right before snapping a photo. Really!
I would think this is a question for a rav.
Maybe the parents could stipulate in their will that a designated portion of the inheritance will be given to that child upon his/her making certain lifestyle changes that are in line with the parents wishes.
I can do ayin zayin through peh tet inclusive.
Thank you so much!
I think (just my opinion) it’s a nisayon of the generation (at large), and that living amongst others, we have adopted their external values. The secular world is so tied in with the value of youth and appearance. People are judged by their portfolios, financial assets, occupational position, physical appearance and youthfulness.
Oy va voy.
Here we go again. I wonder how many of the opinionated posters who claim to know so much about the training and approach that therapists have are actually therapists?!?!?!?????
Care to share????
If you’ve got an opinion about therapists at large, then pray tell, tell us how you know that.
There’s a difference between wanting money (read “BIG” money) and wanting stability.
This may not be the case with you, but, I find a lot of people who are not settled financially, and who are rejected for this, blame the women for being shallow.
There’s nothing shallow about wanting to feel secure that rent can be paid, utilities, food, health coverage, etc.
There are those who wouldn’t date a guy who couldn’t get them a 2 carot diamond or larger, who couldn’t provide them with a nice home, vacations, etc.
Then there are those in between. They’re not demanding big money, but they want more than getting by.
Most people want either a very good learner or a very good worker. People don’t strive for mediocre.can you blame them??
Your zivug is out there, but she might take longer to find as you sift through those who are looking for the guy, not the resume.
How about nodding your head to the people you pass if you’re in the midst of a conversation? At least you’re acknowledging them.
I think, generally, women should greet women, men, men. However, it’s common courtesy to acknowledge another when greeted, and I think it’s just plain rude to lower ones head and pretend to be deaf just because someone has different standards and greeted you. An effusive “how do you do?!” is not necessary, but a quick “good Shabbos” so as not to be rude? Common courtesy. It’s derech eretz to be a mensch to others. If you respond “good Shabbos” loud enough for the greeter to hear as you continue walking away, it’s pretty clear t’s meant just as a response.
This is TOTALLY freaking me out!!
Does this not scare any one else?!?!
I don’t understand.
I thought that when we daven that the four malachim surround and protect us, that there wouldn’t be an issue with such a thing near us.
I wound up going with an oris. I never heard of it, but it was being sold by a reputable distributor, and it most closely resembled the look I was searching for while being within my budget.
Golfer: I’ve never seen a Tory burch. If I would, I’m not sure I’d know it!
Rabbaim: I love the idea of incentives for Limud hatorah. They give in yeshiva, but I never thought to give at home too. Thanks!
Thanks for your replies.
I’m not going to buy the Swiss army brand.
Are you familiar with the Swiss army logo?
I’m wondering if there’s an issue with wearing an item with such a logo.
Why do you title this dangerous territory?
Are you going for a nursing position?
It might sound odd to say that you don’t touch men when you may very likely come in contact with male patients unless you are working ob/gyn or pediatrics.
You might have to put your standards in a little bit more of a delicate way.
I think you should ask health. He’s in the field and has probably encountered this issue with fair regularity. He might know the accepted lingo for this issue in that environment.
The comparison of attempting to identify which stars are closer/farther to gedolim is a great example!
Happy early birthday to you!
May this be a great year to come when all your wishes come true letovah!
This happened to me. I woke up one night to use the bathroom and saw the most humongous water bug i’ve ever seen in my life sitting on the water pipe! I screamed and ran for my husband to get a shoe! By the time we came back, maybe a minute later, it had already left and moved on to next unlucky tenent! It turns ny stomach just to think of it!
Yuck! I’m good with animals. Bugs? That’s another story!
It sounds like you didn’t even attempt to give her the benefit of the doubt.
You’re questioning her character, when part of having a sterling character means being Dan lekaf zchus.
You said “cv’sh that you would be from a mo background”.
You did not say “cv’sh that you would be irreligious stating that you are from a mo background”.
I understood your words well enough. Whether you meant to say the exact words you wrote might be another story.
You did not make yourself clear, as evidenced by the outraged reactions and responses you got.
You also state that a good % of the mo community is not frum. You did not specify initially that you meant the uws.
You pride yourself on your scientific mind, but you failed to use it here when making a global statement without evidence to back up your claims.
I think the first question is what is your role?
As a teacher, her emotional state can affect her academic learning and her social/peer relationships. It’s logical and maybe even expected that you would want to inquire. It would be a good opportunity to recommend a psychosocial evaluation and maybe even some play therapy.
As a neighbor, your role would be completely different. If you are truly concerned, you could take the opportunity to get to know this family better. Visit them in their home environment. Observe them. Notice the condition of the home, the demeanor of this child and any others within the home, family interactions, the mood of the parents and their interactions with eachother and the kids. Keep an eye out for signs of neglect (filthy home or appearance, lack of interaction or proper supervision, nutritional deprivation (do the kids appear severely underweight?).
There are too many unknows here. Could there be a developmental issue? What is the family history? Have there been any life altering events, such as death, loss of job/income, marital conflict, even general depression within the family context?
You’re also describing inconsistencies. You state that others claim there was no warmth/compassion shown to this child as an infant, however you have witnessed the father being compassionate towards her. Then you state the parents give her everything she needs. How reliable is this information?
I would refrain from making any assumptions, good or bad, at this point. I think it’s more of an opportune moment to get to know her and them before making a decision whether this merits further investigation and involvement.
It sounds so much like you are maligning the whole mo community. Although my hashkafah is more right wing, I wouldn’t put down the whole community. I think every community has mailos. Some say nix Lubavitch because of the whole meshichist issue, but ignore the enormous chassadim the Lubavitch do that others wouldn’t. Mo may not be perfect, but I wouldn’t give the impression that it’s members are not orthodox. I think it’s really important to be accurate as much as possible here, as there are people reading this who’ve never met or spoken to a mo person and make some very inaccurate assumptions that cause a terrible divide in the community.
That is so beautiful!
Thanks for all your responses.
So, based on that premise, the “machlokes” about the Flatbush eruv would dictate that if one is following a reliable rav who paskens that it’s ok, then others (who don’t follow it) should have no issue with some following this derech, correct??
Somehow, it doesn’t seem that way.
My son asked why it stopped raining, so I said because H’ wanted it to. He asked “did He pull a lever to stop it?”
Ok, I’ll bite.
I’m intolerant of intolerance here 🙂
Cv’sh that you would be from a mo background??
I think that says it all.
I think perspective and reason is lost on you. I only hope it’s not lost on others.
My son was playing doctor one day. He says to me “open your eyes, open your mouth, let me listen to your ear…” (and he puts his ear smack up against mine to listen).
Unless you are from a mo background, I’d suggest you refrain from telling us about who they are. You are disseminating inaccurate information that only leads to further misunderstanding and intolerance.
A teacher has a right to confiscate only those things that are used inappropriately or that are distractions. Shoes, typically, don’t fit that category.
Am I the only one to notice that choppy grouped MO with not frum (seperate from chassidish, litvish, yeshivish)??
I know I’m pressing this point, but I do not consider myself MO, and yet, still, I would definitely not group these two groups (that have no shaychus) together.
I don’t think there’s a rule about it. Let’s call it a matter of safety and hygiene.
Assuming a child could slip and fall on wet, muddy untied shoelaces, if they come untied regularly, you can bring this to the attention of the parents to let them know that for future purchases, Velcro might be a better option.
You could also ask parents to double knot laces. However, some kids might get shoes on sale (fewer choices) or hand me downs where the choices are more limited. I don’t blame you for being irritated about it, but I think it would be overstepping your bounds to presume the right to tell parents how to dress their kids.
Someone locked eyes with me from across the room (same gender) at a simcha and waved vigorously looking for a response. I had absolutely no idea who this woman was, but from her reaction, felt as though I should. I nodded to acknowledge her, but clearly she did not get the response she was looking for. I felt so terrible.
I looked for her later to say hi and try to see if I knew her, but she had already left. Oh, well.
It seems like there are two completely different perspectives of residents of the UWS: some, who’s friends from there have all but left yiddishkeit, and others who’s friends have maintained their yiddishkeit. I think it’s fair to say that a community is made up of many types of people and that people will find what they’re looking for.
To presume that our perception of the world is the only accurate opinion may be a bit narcissistic.