Tip now?

For what??

If she is living at home, it might be helpful to find out what responsibilities she takes care of herself. Does she do her own laundry or let her mom do it? Does she make dinner sometimes and if so, how often? Does she take care of all the components of preparation of a meal from the planning to the shopping for ingredients to the preparation?

What are her household responsibilities that she is expected to take care of in the house?

You might also want to ask about how responsibilities were split between her parents at home. That might give you a birds eye view into what her expectations will be (of herself and of you).

Listen to how she talks about her responsibilities in school or at work and how she’s coping.

Is she used to having a lot going on (guests, multiple interests, chassadim, etc, or is her life fairly one dimensional to afford her greater control and a sense of calm?

Does she have an easygoing personality along with taking care of her responsibilities or does it stress her out when things don’t go her way (job related disappointments, factors out of her control)?

I think if a question is answered and leaving the thread open can lead potentially to religiously questionable advice, the moderators would choose to close it to avoid going there.

Don’t know the history, but there’s a Dr. katzenellenbogen in Brooklyn who’s practicing.

Oomis

The one thing that helps me reframe the bugs on vegetables issue, is that I reconsider that they typically only go to healthier foods, and rarely to items such as chocolate or chips. I figure, those tiny buggers are onto something (literally and figuratively!).

Rabbi Falk (Gateshead) has a booklet called “Madrich l’bedikat tolaim”.

He goes through all the vegetables and fruits and explains how to check them.

He explains that for broccoli, it’s easiest to remove the florets (to discard) and just rinse and inspect the stems.

The florets can be checked, but insects are harder to see because they tend to be darker in color, closely resembling the color of the broccoli. He recommends using a white or light yellow bowl, filling it with warm water (which causes the insects to loosen their grip) without salt. He says salt clouds the water.

Dip the broccoli in the water and run your thumb over some of the florets to loosen them. Swirl the broccoli in the water vigorously a few times, then remove and shake it over the water like a thermometer. Check the water surface after half a minute and remove anything suspicious onto a white napkin or white paper plate. Next, inspect the bottom the same way after pouring off a bit of the water.

The broccoli is edible if you find nothing.

Cauliflower is considered easier as infestation is less common. Cut off the bottom primary stem and accompanying leaves. Cut the cauliflower into florets and cut those in half, bending them a bit so you can see clearly. Soak it in salt water as a precaution (and check the surface of the water). It can be used if no insects are found. He says to discard the top of the stems if you find a green fly or thrips as it would be impossible to check the rest carefully enough for further infestation. Black flies (up to two on a head) are not considered problematic. You remove them and do what was written above to make sure all is clear (I actually look at the head wrapped in plastic before I buy. I have sometimes seen a fly on top of the head just inside the plastic wrap).

First of all, aurora, I hope your mom gets well soon.

I’ve never worn synthetic, but based on what I’ve been told about them by someone who does (who likes them) I do not recommend it for your mother.

Chemotherapy and the resulting hair loss is very traumatic and trying. I think it’s best to try to reduce any changes in not only appearance, but the feel of the hair, as much as possible.

Synthetics, I’ve been told, cannot be washed well. The look is less authentic than a human hair wig.

Many makers of human hair wigs are also very experienced working with people who have or will be experiencing hair loss due to medical conditions such as alopecia or chemotherapy.

They measure the size of a persons head, trace on paper the hairline edge, so that the cap of the wig fits well (not too tight or loose) and it will mimic a person’s own natural hair line.

They can also blend colors naturally (blonde and gray) whereas it might be more difficult to achieve an identical look to her own with a synthetic (meaning machine/ready made) wig. They can use hair that also has a similar texture to her own (straight).

Your mother would not need to sit for it to be washed and styled regularly. Once the wig salon knows how she likes it, she can have someone drop it off for her to be styled and picked up later that day.

Human hair wigs cost more, but there are different price ranges depending on who she goes to to have it made.

My sister wore a wig prior to marriage when she underwent chemo as well. It actually normalized how she felt when everything else was so upside down.

Sidi

Why do you think having a shadow kills them?

Do they stick out more because of the shadow or because of the issue necessitating the shadow?

As a parent of a child with a shadow I can tell you it’s often the latter.

A child who struggles to keep up academically begins to be viewed differently by the class. A child who has difficulty focusing or who becomes easily distracted and interferes with the work of others because he seeks stimulation also sticks out.

We actually revealed to a camp that my son was on meds for ADHD. They became apprehensive about their ability to manage him when, in fact, he was extraordinarily compliant because of it. There’s just no easy way.

While in sem in Israel, we plotted to trick the teacher. One girl called out “what’s today’s date?” another responding “March 4th (forth)” upon which time we all did. The teacher did not get it.

I don’t think everybody is ready to get married in their early twenties. One reason people might rush, though, is because many men want young women. So, although theoretically, twenty five might be young, a woman of that age might be passed over much more often in lieu of women five to seven years younger. That puts real pressure on women to begin the search earlier than they might be ready.

We were also told by a rav of ours in seminary that it’s preferable for a woman to marry younger, closer to the time she’s in school, because she’ll more likely be influenced by her sviva and will be stronger in her yiddishkeit and will choose someone stronger in theirs (this was a bais yaakov sem, meaning, people who would still have the supports of their families outside of sem could still be pulled down by outside influences once they leave school).

Many times it happens to be keeping up with the jones’. A wedding is a big party where you get to shop till you drop, you get to be the center of attention where everyone showers love and gifts on you, you get to “play house” with someone you’re (hopefully) attracted to. Then real life sets in. You’re on your own with cooking every meal, shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, working, having to be financially self reliant very often, not to mention having to deal with disagreements about things that can seem or even be very major. That’s when emotional maturity becomes of utmost importance. That’s when the ikar of getting married comes into play.

Let’s start with having kids. We want to get married because we want to have kids and a family of our own. Our parents don’t live forever. You can share time with a roommate but you don’t build a life with one. Common goals worked on together become the future of your lives shared: Raising a family, helping each other and your children grow in Yiddishkeit. Part of the opportunity to grow in our emotional maturity presents itself best within the marital context. We learn about the areas we have to work on (if we recognize our part in our challenges). We’re chalkenged constantly to look beyond ourselves. We’re also created to want to have a close relationship with someone that we can’t have before marriage.

Yes, marriage can be hard, but so is remaining single. Fear of failure perpetuates itself. Getting married is about taking chances. You have to be willing to take the chance of failing if you want the chance to succeed.

I would think this is a question for a rav.

Maybe the parents could stipulate in their will that a designated portion of the inheritance will be given to that child upon his/her making certain lifestyle changes that are in line with the parents wishes.

Oy va voy.

Here we go again. I wonder how many of the opinionated posters who claim to know so much about the training and approach that therapists have are actually therapists?!?!?!?????

Care to share????

If you’ve got an opinion about therapists at large, then pray tell, tell us how you know that.

How about nodding your head to the people you pass if you’re in the midst of a conversation? At least you’re acknowledging them.

I think, generally, women should greet women, men, men. However, it’s common courtesy to acknowledge another when greeted, and I think it’s just plain rude to lower ones head and pretend to be deaf just because someone has different standards and greeted you. An effusive “how do you do?!” is not necessary, but a quick “good Shabbos” so as not to be rude? Common courtesy. It’s derech eretz to be a mensch to others. If you respond “good Shabbos” loud enough for the greeter to hear as you continue walking away, it’s pretty clear t’s meant just as a response.

I don’t understand.

I thought that when we daven that the four malachim surround and protect us, that there wouldn’t be an issue with such a thing near us.

Why do you title this dangerous territory?

This happened to me. I woke up one night to use the bathroom and saw the most humongous water bug i’ve ever seen in my life sitting on the water pipe! I screamed and ran for my husband to get a shoe! By the time we came back, maybe a minute later, it had already left and moved on to next unlucky tenent! It turns ny stomach just to think of it!

Yuck! I’m good with animals. Bugs? That’s another story!

Let’s see.

You said “cv’sh that you would be from a mo background”.

You did not say “cv’sh that you would be irreligious stating that you are from a mo background”.

I understood your words well enough. Whether you meant to say the exact words you wrote might be another story.

You did not make yourself clear, as evidenced by the outraged reactions and responses you got.

You also state that a good % of the mo community is not frum. You did not specify initially that you meant the uws.

You pride yourself on your scientific mind, but you failed to use it here when making a global statement without evidence to back up your claims.

Health:

Peace

It sounds so much like you are maligning the whole mo community. Although my hashkafah is more right wing, I wouldn’t put down the whole community. I think every community has mailos. Some say nix Lubavitch because of the whole meshichist issue, but ignore the enormous chassadim the Lubavitch do that others wouldn’t. Mo may not be perfect, but I wouldn’t give the impression that it’s members are not orthodox. I think it’s really important to be accurate as much as possible here, as there are people reading this who’ve never met or spoken to a mo person and make some very inaccurate assumptions that cause a terrible divide in the community.