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“Would you be as quick to suggest that if you see (through the glass wall) your frum neighbor in McDonald’s fressing a cheeseburger, that we be assume he has a heter?”
That is an example of the type of inappropriate equivalency to which I was referring. Eating treif (and l’kaf zechus there might be a reason for it, i.e. a medical condition, if an otherwise frum person is doing it, as someone stated) is an absolute issur. A thing is kosher or it is not. A cheeseburger made with kosher cheese and kosher meat, is still assur for us. EVERYONE knows and agrees upon that, if they are shomrei Torah u’Mitzvos. Not so with skirt and sleeve lengths. It is not as black and white an issue, and to say otherwise, is to discredit all the VERY many poskim who held kulos. I have seen pictures of Rabbonim and their families, in the 1940s and 50s, where the daughters, who were adults in the pictures, wore cap sleeves or slightly longer. The Rabbonim, with long beards, and whose wives were wearing shaitlech (the OLD style, not like the natural-looking ones of today), permitted their daughters to dress in the customary style of all young women of that time. Again, I am not saying right or wrong, only stating an observation.
Whatever we each hold to be the proper way of doing things, we also have to recognize that just as we make a choice, someone else’s choice may be different from our own, and that does not make them not frum. If they desecrated the Shabbos, ate tarfus, and didn’t practice TH”M, then I would have something to discuss about their religious observance.
“If you edit my post, please note that it has been edited.
As to the halacha, shok is NOT clearly defined and people showing parts of their knees may have Rabbinic tradition backing them up. I say may because not all communities hold by this.
As to comparing tznius with murder – tznius is between a person and Hashem. Murder is between a person and another person. I would compare murder more closely with tax evasion than tznius.
We should really question why women are getting close enough to notice the difference between the few inches on the knees.”
Shok is not clearly defined, according to how I was taught, true. It says”shok b’isha erva” without specifying the exact areas that are considered shok. Being that a shok by today’s English definition is the thigh, it would seem to NOT include the knee. It may begin above the knee, it may be below. We are not sure. But to be safe and certain, it is best to cover the knee.
That being said – comparing tznius or its lack (in knee-showing, NOT in behavior, which clearly is a whole other ballgame and unquestionably assur)to murder, is the kind of comparison that turns people away from Torah. It’s that type of hyperbole like saying eating cholov stam brings great tragedy on klal Yisroel. If something is emes, it is emes. But if it might not be, it should not be used as an example. Like Odom Harishon telling Chava that Hashem said it is assur to touch the tree, when all He said was to refrain from eating its fruit. That’s how Chava came to sin because of him exaggerating.
Girls wearing skirts that show the knee when they get in a car, or sit down, are not committing an act that is morally equivalent with murder, though they should be wearing longer skirts. People who kick those girls out of Yeshivah and make them feel disenfranchised, they are the ones who are wrong, because those same girls who might have remained frum, shomros of the mitzvos of shabbos, kashrus,and taharas hamishpacha, end up becoming so soured on frumkeit that they go the other way, chalilah.
I happen to be in the group that believes girls SHOULD dress in a more tzniusdig fashion (btw, “tznius” is a noun, and it should not be used as an adjective, which people erroneously do all the time). But I would never look at a frum girl wearing a shorter skirt and equate her with a murderer (or even view her as not frum)! That is not only ridiculous, it is outrageous and insulting. Lack of tznius in dress, as defined by most people here, is also not on par with Chilul Shabbos or eating tarfus. What constitutes the boundaries of tznius, has often been a gray area, throughout history, locale, and mode of dress of most women (Jew AND non-Jew alike). Yes, there are certain boundaries we must not ever cross, but there is also wiggle room (no pun intended) in some areas, as well. This is my opinion, and I am sure it will draw some criti-cism, but I believe that we need to learn to be less judgmental of things that in the final analysis may not be so “glatt” as we think.
“However, the recipe is sworn to secrecy. “
Bleah :p
That’s just plain mean.
“Oh well. That’s another rung lower in hell for me. 🙂 “
CHAS v’CHALILAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SmartCookie – Here it is:
Oomis’ Fabulous Marble Cheesecake – Preheat oven to 400 degrees
12 oz. chocolate bits (use really good ones)
1 C. flour, divided into 3/4 C. and 1/4 C. piles
1 C. sugar, plus an additional 2 TBS. (keep separate)
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 C. butter
24 oz. bar-type cream cheese(don’t use “lite” cream cheese,PLEASE)
2 TBS. pure vanilla extract
6 eggs, separated (if you really HATE to do that, it will taste
virtually just as good without separating the eggs, it will
just be slightly denser, which many people prefer).
1 C. sour cream (again, do not use “lite” type)
Melt the chocolate, either in a microwave or in the top of a double boiler, being careful not to burn. Mix together the 3/4 C. flour, 2 TBS. sugar, and salt. Cut in the butter plus 2 heaping Tbs. of melted chocolate (I like to use a little more than that). Mix the dough thoroughly until all of it is really chocolatey. Thoroughly spray the bottom and sides of a 9″ Springform pan with non-stick plus flour spray (Mishpacha, Baker’s Joy, and pam all make such a flour spray), and pat the dough evenly over the bottom of the pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 10-15 minutes. Remove from oven, and prepare the filling.
In a large mixing bowl beat the C. of sugar together with the cheese until very creamy. Add the vanilla, remaining 1/4 C. of flour, 6 egg yolks, and sour cream. Beat really well. Now beat up the 6 egg whites until stiff and fold into the batter (I personally hate to do this, so as I said earlier, the step can be omitted, just mix the whole eggs in to begin with). After folding the whites in thoroughly, remove two C. of batter and fold the remaining melted chocolate into it. Now comes the fun part. Alternate pouring plain cheese batter and chocolate cheese batter into the pan. Take a spatula and cut through the batter to the bottom, to swirl it. Be careful not to swirl it TOO much, or you will have a yummy CHOCOLATE cheesecake, instead of a yummy marble one. Reduce the oven to 300 degrees and put the pan in the oven to bake for an hour. Let it sit in the oven with the heat turned off and the door closed, for another hour (no peeking). Cool thoroughly on a cake rack, cover with foil, and then chill overnight (I keep mine in the freezer, and take it out about 20 minutes before serving).
I know it’s a potchkeh, but SO worth it. To really streamline this recipe, maybe don’t separate the eggs and try making it in graham cracker crusts (probably makes two or three pies at least). Adjust the baking time, though, as it will bake faster, maybe 45 minutes. B’tayavon!
TY : TY, for that beautiful piece on Shavuos.
Wolf – Yes.
Shavuos without cheesecake is like…well.. Shavuos without cheesecake. You probably have simply never eaten a piece of an amazing cheesecake. I make a marble cheesecake once a year only, l’kovod yom tov, which you would swear is like vanilla fudge ice cream, but better. The irony is that no one in my family but my husband and me, will eat it. And he has a sugar problem, so he doesn’t eat it anymore, either. I have to invite a LOT of company (I do, anyhow), just to keep from allowing my yetzer hara to get the better of me. IT’S A REALLY GOOOOOOOOD CHEESECAKE!
Just watch out for that deadly one that comes out in the early springtime, known as the Achash-virus.
Wolf, that is really funny.
Thank you, thank you. This is so much more pleasant.
Ok, this is how I see it…. We are obliged to honor our parents EVERY DAY.. BUT…. there is nothing so terrible in finding a perfectly good excuse to buy a nice card, get a nice gift, and maybe take a parent out to lunch or dinner on ONE day a year that is designated as “their” day (besides a birthday or anniversary). Though it should be done from tim to time for NO special reason other than the fact that they gave us life and took care of us all our lives, still, it is nice to have a time set aside where we REALLY consciously think about doing something nice for them, and show our hakoras hatov.
What about a SEIT job?
Mazel tov — we are back in business!
I could not be without my cheesecake on Shavuos, and my Mother O”H’s unmatched blintzes. Her cheese filling was sweet, but not too sweet, just the right consistency, and the blintze crepes were perfection. I will never eat any cheese blintzes except the ones made with her recipe. Alas, NO one in my family will eat either cheesecake OR cheese blintzes (wait – the upside is, MORE for ME!!!)
“While there is halachic support for meat meals on Yom Tov, there are also great rabbis who have advocated becoming vegetarians, including Chaim Zundel Maccoby, the Kamenitzer Maggid; Rabbi David Cohen “The Nazir”, his son Rabbi Shear Yashuv Cohen, his son in law Rabbi Shlomo Goren; and current UK Chief Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, all themselves vegetarians. Rav Kook “
I would really love to know how all these vegetarians will eat the Korban Pesach when we have the Beis Hamidash again.
“anyone with a good LO-Crab…sugar-free cheese cake recipe? “
I try to avoid putting crab into any of my dishes, but most especially not into cheesecake! (oh c’mon, tell me NO one noticed this one!)
“Oomis’ comment made it seem that this is all Obama’s fault and that had he not been elected, we wouldn’t have the problems mentioned in the OP. That is simply not true.”
All I said was Obama happened.
I don’t recall saying what you stated, Wolf, so it’s kind of unfair to tell me what I make anything seem, would you not agree? I happen to disapprove of Obama, I think he is a phoney, a fraud, and a foolish and poor excuse for the head of this country, and I hate that he was elected. He has not only not proved himself to be an inspirational leader, he is making our country weaker and weaker, and in the eyes of a Muslim, any show of weakness is inevitably fatal.
I was not crazy about McCain, but I think he at least had our country’s welfare at heart. He also has chops and experience that Obama does not. Is he perfect – not by a long shot. But he is not a muslim sympathizer and apologist, either. Neither he nor his wife has any real respect for this country. You are known by the company whom you keep, and he has consistently refused to decry Jeremiah Wright’s anti-Semitic rants, and looked to him as his role model.
No matter what this country’s problems are, Obama has made them far worse. And the chutzpah that he allowed to be shown to Netanyahu is an abomination.
Good is not the absence of Evil. Neutral is the absence of Evil. Good is a conscious choice which we must make every moment of the day, to actively take steps to make this world a better place than it was a moment before. That is my philosophy, the one by which I try very hard to live.
Obama happened, that is what…
“Why not get 40 women together to actually help people in a physical way? “
You will be delighted to know that the women in my community who do this, ALSO spend their free time cooking for people who are ill or chalilah sitting shiva, visit them, drive their kids to and from school, shop for them, and take them to and from doc appointments. I think that is pretty physical. They get together and say Tehillim as a group, on a regular basis, for the cholim of the community. That is both physical and spiritual. B”H, they are ready to do any and all types of chessed as needed.
Mazel tov to everyone who made a simcha yesterday, and to all the smachos to come.
The state can refrain from paying for the Yeshivah portion of the education. But they have every responsibility to pay for the SECULAR education, which we support through our taxes. Public School is free education, for those who attend. If all our children suddenly enrolled in PS, they state would be forced to pay for them, that is, if the state could even squeeze them all in to the public school facilities that are persently available. Can you imagine what would happen if all frum parents converged on the Board of Ed come September? The state should at least fund the portion to which all children ARE entitled by law, to be educated. That would cut tuition in half, I would think (more, because PS teachers are paid more than their religious counterparts).
Wow, number 4, really????? I would have expected to be much later, there are so many people who are here much longer than I. On a side note, I would post more often, but because of the slowness of this website in recent weeks, I really have much less time to spend in the CR reading and responding to posts. It takes five times as long for me to access the posts and to post a response, than it ever did before.
BP Totty, don’t feel bad. We EACH face our own personal nisyonos every day, and most of us are misgabeir on the Y”H.
I thik it’s a great idea IF it is well-written and does not take much literary license. I absolutely hate reading something that is not historically accurate, even if it IS fiction!
This is how I view segulos, and I may be right or wrong, but it is my personal view:
Segulos such as learning or reading Perek Shira, Iyov, Shir Hashirim, or whatever, are not done to “force” Hashem’s Hands, as if we ever could. They are done to make us more acutely aware of our connection to Hashem, and hope that by doing these things, we accrue some “brownie points” that make us more zocheh to hear a “yes” than we were the previous day. Some segulos or so-called segulos are naarishkeiten, but others, such as the learning, or having forty women (40 being one of a few mystical numbers in Judaism) be mafrish challah and bake it the same day, as a segulah for a refuah for someone, are not naarishkeit, because they either cause us to do more learning, or bring people together to do a chessed and make forty brachos shel mitzvah in the ZECHUS of the choleh, and it is the CHESSED and achdus (not to mention the many brachos), not the baking, that is the real segulah, in my opinion. Hashem always looks favorably when He sees His people caring about each other.
Because someone does not feel the need to partake of such things, is neither right nor wrong. It simply is that person’s derech. As long as something does not in any way NEGATE halacha, I don’t think it causes any harm, and often causes good.
Btw, isn’t the giving of tzedaka a segulah itself to be a shmira against death? Just a thought…
An aveil does not GREET people, but may make an innocuous remark like, “nice weather we’re having,” to initiate a conversation with the menacheim aveil. One does not say “Sholom aleichem, ” either mourner to visitor or visitor to mourner, but other openers may be said.
tuna latkes will use up the tuna, onions, eggs, salt, pepper, (crushed) bran flakes, and you can make rice as a side dish.
I want KFC FRIED chicken to be kosher. Or at least to know how to make it myself.
You actually can make it the way Tomim says, but add sugar and make it sweet. it’s yummy.
I watched my uncle die of emphysema a long and very painful death where he literally near-suffocated with every breath he took until he finally mercifully died. He never smoked near me. I came home from a job every day, needing to have my clothing washed after only one wearing, because the stench of smoke from my office and the people around me seeped into it. I saw my friend’s baby have one upper respiratory infection after another, until her husband FINALLY quit smoking. I had more than one dinner out ruined before the no smoking/separate smoking area rules went into effect in public places, by being stuck near someone who puffed away while I was trying to enjoy a rare meal out with my husband. You see the problem with smokers is that they really do tend to believe that smoking is their absolute right NO MATTER WHAT. If they would wear a glass enclosure over their heads so that the only one exposed to their habit was themselves, I would have no problem with it at all.
BTW, I thought the topic was “a seemingly simple way to stop smoking” – not, “which of several stupid human vices is the worst.” They are ALL bad. And I thank modernorthodox for reminding me to what extent those other behaviors could possibly impact on innocent victims. I repeat – they are all bad. And certainly no responsible Rav would recommend that anyone indulge in any of them .
“i am the wife of a smoker, and i would not trade it for any other addiction.”
It is not an either/or situation. The fact is that smoking is an addiction that PHYSICALLY affects the rest of the people around the smoker and not just the smoker himself. As long as he is not driving and is not acting out with other people, the addictive drinker or drug user is only hurting his own liver and brain cells. The smoker is hurting MY breathing, his children are several times more likely to have respiratory illnesses throughout childhood than other children, and the dangers of second-hand smoke should not be pooh-poohed. A smoker will ALWAYS find a rationale for his (or her) habit. I don’t allow ANYONE to smoke in my home, much less my immediate family members. The first time a hired man who was doing work in my house took out a cigarette, I politely asked him to take it outside. It was raining, so he opted to refrain from smoking.
EDITED
The “boys” as we call them, have to also learn to speak up for themselves and tell their mothers and the shadchanim that while they want to feel their wife is reasonably attractive, THEY DON’T CARE if she is size two. If a mother is repeatedly nixing shidduchim for her precious son on that basis, this is one of those gray areas where kibud em does not necessarily mean doing what mommy says or else, and a son has the right to respectfully tell his mom to back off a little and let him be a grownup and make up his own mind. (And yes, I asked a rov about this).
Dr. Pepper, as always, a fountain of very interesting trivia. I never heard of this before. So if the quarter has no monetary value because it was dated differently, would they not then become a collectors’ item, and therefore MORE valuable?
or one cent, five cents, ten cents, and 25 cents
41 cents.
I really MUST proofread myself.
Okthen, although I happen to agree with you haskafically, in practical terms, a boy and girl still want to feel an attraction to each other, and there is NOTHING wrong with that. What is wrong is when the conditions for thinking someone is attractive are based on extremely arbitrary, superficial and extremely subjective issues. The number on a dress measns absolutwly nothing. If a girl is put together, clean and well groomed, knows how to do her hair and makeup, then she might look extremely attractive at a size 8, 10, or even (horrors!) 12. Lucille Ball was a size 12-14. Would anyone have thought her to be unattractive and fat?
We are too hung up on NUMBERS and not giveing enough attention to the whole package. If the rabbonim want to REALLY make a difference in the frum world, instead of only issuing kol koreys against concerts, they will immediately issue one against the permissibility of ANY shadchan asking a dress size number, and any parent OPFFERING that information to a shadchan. That nonsense should stop. Now. There are plent of lovely young healthy women who are not a size two, and they are GORGEOUS. And btw, how good-looking, well-built, and appealing are the boys, whose mamas are so makpid on getting sonny-boy a size two wife? It’s a two-way street. Our kids should not be getting the message that a specific standard of looks is such a major criteria. If someone is pleasant looking and not a complete turnoff to the other person, they should give it a shot,even if the subjective appearance is not what society has been stupidly telling them to want for themselves.
Rebbies should NOT be giving nuts to children. Besides potentially being a choking hazard in the age group that most needs the “reward” system, there are too many nut and seed allergies in children nowadays, and many schools are now nut-free zones (with the exception of some of the teachers and administration who are CLEARLY nuts! JK ) I agree that certain types of nosh are bad for kids, so maybe they can use stickers and tickets (which are redeemable at the end of the year) for a nice prize. My son’s rebbie gave them such tickets, and they are very excited at the end of fifth grade to get toys and games. One nice gift, versus a lot of chazzerai, meant a lot to them.
Download the Chessed Network Newsletter (I think it is ChessedNetworkNews.com) and they have a list of the gown gemachs. You might also find the information in the Esra Magazine in the back, or Kallah Magazine.
“you will never be able to stop something that’s legal. especially as I’ve stated before there are many things worse than smoking! because eating your steak doesn’t smell or make your teeth yellow doesn’t make it healthier, do you want the community to put pressure on ppl eating steaks? the alcohol consumption in shuls (for some) is extremely dangerous and stupid, should we ban alcohol in shul?? not helping your wife at home in the long run is dangerous, stupid, and will have huge consequences, should we make a takkana about it? (woman can’t answer that one lol) enough with the takkanas and pressure for things that are not a lav (and smoking is not a lav, say what you want rav moshe says clearly it’s not) and don’t really affect other ppl!!!
(hmmmm i wonder, with all these posts and editing done by the moderators, how do they go through the day without smoking and drinking????) “
Where to start, where to start…
Point by point – Many things that used to be legal (driving without a seatbelt, riding a bike w/o a helmet,talking on the cellphone while driving, carrying babies in a car without a carseat, buying lots of Claritin D on the same day) were all legal at one time. When it was determined that for the greater good, these things were a hazard, they were made illegal. The fact that there are worse things than smoking (and you are right about that), in no way mitigates the dangers of smoking. It’s not a case of, this is worse than that, so it’s not so bad, so let’s allow it.
Eating a steak and clogging my OWN arteries, is not the same thing as my smoking a cigarette and poisoning the air that you also have to breathe along with my own lungs.
MANY shuls have banned Kiddush Clubs and the serving of alcohol at Shul functions, for the very reasons you cited.
Here is one woman’s answer to your remark about husband’s not helping around the house. They are asking for Sholom Bayis problems, if they truly do not see the relevance of being a true partner in their home. most women nowadays, are forced to work outside the home (even if by choice, they are still contributing to the household income), and a husband who would sit by idly watching his wife do all the shleppy work, is a selfish and self-centered fool. He sets a poor example for his sons, and runs the risk of losing his wife’s respect. A real man respects the work his wife does and shares the burden of the responsibilities with her, especially if he is learning fulltime and SHE is earning, and having babies, and raising kids, and dealing with his family, and trying to do it all (here’s a secret: we CAN’T!!!)
As to the rabbonim who said it was not assur to smoke – given what we know today, I doubt very strongly they would issue the same p’sak, were they still alive. Especially given what we know now about second-hand smoke, I am thinking they would never allow a cigarette in the beis medrash. Those rabbonim who do not agree, might possibly not be as yet in possession of all the facts about nicotine addiction, cancer of the lung, lip, tongue, and gums, as well as stomach and bladder cancer, which have also been found to correlate with heavy smoking. They might not yet be acquainted with the knowledge that smoking seriously elevates one’s blood pressure and heart rate, to unacceptable levels, and will eventually cause stroke and/or heart attack, PARTICULARLY in overweight or sedentary people, who are already at risk because of those two reasons. They also apparently have not yet understood that children are at special risk for developing asthma when one or both parents smoke. The kids never picked up a cigarette, but they have pulmonary problems because their family member smoked. No one wants to say I told you so to someone dying of those conditions. The only remedy is to stop smoking BEFORE it becomes a health emergency for the smoker and for his friends and family.
You can add in a few slices of celery, too. Seeallsides has it covered. Use the veggies in the sauce, it really DOES add to the homemade taste. I also like mine sweet, and I know someone who adds some almond extract to the cooking water.
I did not lose interest, but I have zero patience to sit and wait for the site to respond when I click on something. It is running like molasses, and that is no fun!
“I see many Talmidei Chachomim are being produced. What are the girls offering? What should be becoming of the girls? “
The offering of the “girls” is that they are producing the next generation of talmidei chachomim and wives of same. They are being pregnant with them, birthing them (which if a man had to do it even once, would mean the end of civilization for all time), rearing them, teaching them the essence of Torah Yiddishkeit, and the middos that they need to have in order to be worthy of the title of talmid chochom.
This is all very bothersome to me. What is the father of several daughters supposed to do? What is the father who is NOT making a wonderful parnasssah supposed to do? What is young couple who think that mommy and daddy are made of gold, supposed to do? (That part is easy – they BOTH have to work to earn a living. Rabbi Yochanan made sandals. I doubt anyone thought less of him for it.) For the sake of the young couple’s maturity and growth, they should have a better plan. And we as parents have to stop infantilizing our kids by refusing to let them grow into responsible citizens who both contribute to society (WHILE AT THE SAME TIME making time to learn).
GET RID OF THE NEW PROGRAM that is slowing everything down so annoyingly, and go back to the previous one. PUHLEEEEEZE!!!!!!!!!!
Shindy, there was a famous Gadol (whom I cannot remember for the moment), who used to sweep the street of Yerushalayim for exactly that reason.
The guys don’t feel it the same way, because the type of guy who needs to be married by age 20, to a girl who is 18 or 19, usually is learning fulltime and has absolutely NO concept (YET) of what the achrayus of marriage actually entails, because his new bride is doing it all for him, and what she is not doing, her parents probably are. So for him, getting married is truly ALL perks. For her, not so much, necessarily. I don’t say this is true ALL the time, but it is true enough of the time to be obvious, IMO.
I agree with Bodek, and I would also point out that being lonely and WANTING to be married when one is 18, is not the same as saying that someone two years older should feel a sense of hopelessness when people wish her, “Im Yirtzeh Hashem by you,” when at a simcha. That’s just very sad to me. She has her whole life ahead of her at twenty. She is NOT over the hill, and anyone making her feel that way, is doing a very big injustice to her, IMO.
I just read something that saddened me terribly. A twenty-year-old girl was asking people to please stop saying the “I”YH by you”s to her at weddings. She felt aggravated, that it rubbed salt in the wound that she was not yet married!!!! OMG, what have we done to our kids that ANYONE at age 20 should feel this way?????? If she were THIRTY, I could more reasily understand that type of pain. But at TWENTY?????? This just makes me ill.
If you are worried about the health issues of overweight people, look equally at the health issues of people who yo-yo diet, purge themselves, or eat poorly in order to stay thin. They are ALL a heart attack waiting to happen. Nothing in excess is good, whether too fat or too thin.