Forum Replies Created
You must mean Lag Ba’omer 5780
Reb Eliezer’s suggestion of pre-marital shalom-bayis counseling is a wonderful idea.
I am well aware that you are an American going way back, you’ve mentioned it often. That is why I wrote that statistically, you’re in the minority, and I do think this is a new generational phenomenon. Hopefully, I am mistaken and the grandfather from the other side is an aberration. In any case, Mazal Tov
I live in Israel, and so my answers may not apply to you, but if you were here, these would be the answers:
1. Do I tell my son and daughter in law about this call?
A: Absolutely. They may already know about it, but are waiting for you to mention it.
2. Is this an indication that the prospective in laws expect grandparents to support married children and grandchildren?
A: Yes. Grandpa has money and it’s only right that he share it . Family is family, no? Do you think the mechutanim have not heard about your Connecticut estate?
3. Was the prospective grand father in law out of line in making the request?
A: As out of line as can be. I call it chutzpah.
4. Is this a new custom or a custom in communities in which I don’t live?
A: It is a new custom. You are the first generation (statistically, not you personally) to have made it in America. The previous generation were immigrants and survivors, and didn’t have the means. It’s a new age.
5. If I pay for this am I expected to do the same for all my other grandchildren?
A: Big time. As an experienced attorney, you are familiar with the term “precedent”. If you pay, you’ve set one.
The “Show me ONE psak” is a straw man. Many commenters above pointed out that various Yeshivas have guidelines, a.k.a. a psak, regarding a preferable marriage age and none of them are at 18 or 19. The demand for one psak is laughable, does a psak halachah have legitimacy only after it’s published in a book? How absurd.
The Chazon Ish not only married “late”, he also married a woman who could no longer have children. I dare say that in itself is a psak. The requirement to marry at 18 or 19 is simply not halachah, it is a recommendation and is subject to the times. That’s why we still have poskim, whether they live in America or Israel. It is obvious that the modern day poskim have paskened, whether they printed it or not. Boy or girl, get married when you are mature enough for the commitment and find the right one.
I am amused by someone out there proclaiming that most of us are or were mechuyavei misah.
But on a serious note, it is very important for this proclaimer to seek professional help. Mental illness is not something to be taken lightly. Megalomania, narcissism and delusions of grandeur can be difficult to treat.
Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman zt”l was famous for forbidding throwing any boy out of yeshiva.
For those who enjoy watching the Super Bowl, but are committed to Torah, the solution is simple.
1. Perform the greatest mitzvah of all, Yishuv Eretz Yisrael. The game is in the middle of the night. Go to sleep.
2. Wake up, daven in shul, then watch the condensed game. No cheerleaders, no half-time show, no commercials. 42 minutes and done.
Catch Yourself said it very politely, I’ll be a bit more blunt and direct.
Ruach Hakodesh for your purposes does not exist anymore. Don’t waste your time and money looking for one who claims to have it or that others claim it for him.January 28, 2020 8:06 am at 8:06 am in reply to: Why is the Wider Frum Public Making a Big Deal Over Bryant’s Death #1826649
I’m glad my points were accepted as correct.
One, especially a godol hador, must marry at 18, unless….
He is from Europe
He married later than 18 but said one should not (that one is my favorite)
He was forced to wait for a tzugepaste shidduch. Unlike the Chazon Ish, whose shidduch was highly untzugepaste.
Any more excuses?
If they do, I hope they also provide commas.
Age of Litvish Godol at his marriage:
Brisker Rov : 24
Rav Aharon Kotler: 22
Steipler Gaon: 28
Rav Schach: 26
Rav Moshe Feinstein: 27
Rav Chaim Kaniefsky: 24
I think this list quite speaks for itself regarding the obligation to marry at age 18-20
“Delaying any chiuv is a very serious matter and one needs a very good reason to do so, even more so with the Torah’s very first chiuv. Further, in the Mishnah, the age for marriage is 18. ”
I strongly disagree on all three points.
One: The fact that pru u’rvu is the first mitzvah does not lend it any increased importance. I shudder at the implied suggestion that the mitzvot are mentioned in the Torah in order of their importance.
Two: Many mitzvot are delayed and it is not a “very serious matter”. Otherwise, one would marry at the bar-mitzvah. Other examples? Do we require the bar-mitzvah boy to immediately write a Sefer Torah?
Another example: there is no obligation to separate trumot u’ma’asrot immediately after gathering the produce…and many more
Three: If one reads the entire mishnah in Avot, it is obvious that these age-related statements are not iron-clad. I know of no yeshiva that abides by ben chamesh l’mikra etc…, and to think that ‘ben arbaim l’binah’ is an obligation is a good joke. Furthermore, a glance at the poskim reveals that the marriageable age varies from period to period and comes with caveats.
One should get married when he can fulfill the requirements of the kesuvah they read under his nose as he stands in anguish under the chupah.
Sounds like one of the requirements is a lack of means to support a wife and children. But that is probably also true for the 21 and 22-year-olds.
חכמים היזהרו בדבריכם
proofreading saves embarrassment
Absence makes the heart go founder?
Sextus Propertius the Roman poet is turning in his grave
The rule is that Chabad people believe the Rebbe is Moshiach. Those who don’t proclaim it publicly still believe it privately. There may be rare exceptions to this rule, but it is the rule.
The Siyum Hashas
Every Yeshiva should be teaching their talmidim Ivrit and Yiddish from an early age.
That some in the Torah Community are arguing against Yiddish speeches at the most unifying gathering in Torah America is mind-boggling.
Study Yiddish, know it and love it, it is priceless.November 24, 2019 12:21 pm at 12:21 pm in reply to: Important things to know before choosing camp for your daughter #1803658
They should stay home and do chessed.
Do old people and young mothers who need assistance have to suffer over the long summer just so that the teenagers can have fun? Is this what it’s all about?
I call on ZSK to enlighten us with his expertise. I certainly won’t be offended.
I disagree with him on one point.
As a linguist knows, there is no such thing as an “authentic” dialect or “authentic” pronunciation. The very nature of language almost immediately produces variations.
Also, and with utter respect, adonai is not necessarily plural.
I respect your opinion and the right to edit as you see fit.
I’ll just add that the truth hurts, and I thought it needed to be said without pulling punches.
Don’t send your boys to yeshiva in Israel.
edited – there is a point where cynicism and opinion morph into hate and motzei shem ra – 29
There are many ways to serve Hashem.
It’s medicine, it heals congestion, and a brachah would be l’vatalah.
The fact that it’s organic is irrelevant. So are “natural” belladonna alkaloids.
Rav Kessler’s speech made quite a splash here, I read the original Hebrew transcript. One of the subjects he opposes studying is English, so the English translation from the original Hebrew here is quite ironic.
Of course, many agree with him and many do not. Of those that do not, the most common comment wondered whether the Rav was going to financially support all the families he has condemned to poverty as a result of them not studying English and arithmetic, not to mention electronics, car mechanics, etc…
Thank you, I stand corrected.
I’ll add, though, that the MB reasons that it is disrespectful to take steps back and then run away, so to speak.
The Briskers hold that one stands through chazaras hashatz, as it is a continuation of the yachid’s SE.
Different reasoning, almost the same result.
A wise man once told me, “There’s no business like Torah business”
Promotions, marketing, caste systems, social hierarchies, and flaunting wealth are all signs of a highly successful system.
The frum Torah world championed by Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l has been successful beyond anyone’s dreams.
The hype is the byproduct of it, for good and bad. I think the bad outweighs the good, but obviously, I am part of an insignificant minority.
Some Briskers hold that the chazarat hashatz until after kedushah is a continuation of the private shmoneh esrei of the yachid, hence one should stand still till after kedushah.
I don’t recall the Shulchan Oruch or its’ commentaries mandating that one hold by the Briskers.
Thank you moderator 29
I guess I didn’t send it out properly, I’ll try again
“It is clear that before the period of the acharonim, head covering was for chachamim only.”
For praying or other times?
Can you provide me with a quote?
MDG, I wrote a long piece with many quotes detailing the history of head covering. It didn’t make it through the system.
Sorry, I tried.
I don’t see any deleted posts from you-29
in early Hassidic philosophy, as in the writings of the Magid Memezritch and others, the purpose of shuckling is to get closer to the shechinah using a specific mechanism.
Considering that halachah has been around for a few thousand years or so, it is odd that it took a few thousand years minus 120 to establish that one should wear a hat and jacket when davening.
If the earliest psak on this issue is from תר”ע, then it is a recommendation for the population in eastern Europe and nothing more. To call it a halachah L’doros, בכל מקום ובכל זמן is a bizayon to real halachos. A little serious research into halachah would help here.
The American Yeshivish Bubble is fairly adamant that their way of dress is the only viable way. I suggest that these boys spend some time at the Koisel in Yerushalayim, stand in the back and view the numerous varieties of bona-fide God-fearing Jews who come there to daven. The variations in dress are impressive. Interestingly, the American yeshiva boy there stands out from the crowd like a sore thumb. Is his way the only way? Maybe it is on the corner of 14th St. and Laurelwood Ave. but wake up children, that location is not the epicenter of Judaism.
As an aside, there is a book by Rav Professor Eric Zimmer, עולם כמנהגו נוהג , where he traces the history of head covering. It is clear that before the period of the acharonim, head covering was for chachamim only. To extrapolate from the Rambam that all must wear a Borsalino during davening is foolish. Apologies that the book is in Hebrew, so it’s only for the halachically literate.
It’s interesting to see that as the decades go by, the yeshiva high schools still employ the “This is the way we do it, so this is the halachah” system of indoctrination. I’m not surprised , but it is unfortunate. The hat and jacket thing is particularly telling, I’ve been hearing that nonsense for over 50 years.
Let’s wager on what percentage of boys would or would not change their attire if one minute before mincha they were informed that they are about to have a private audience with the Monarch, or a State official, or (gasp) a date with a maidel. They can go “as is” or they can shower and dress appropriately. I wager 99.99% change their clothing.
I took my wife there on our first date, January 1979. Followed that up with a concert at Avery Fisher Hall , heard Mozart’s Double Piano Concerto. Quite a large place (the restaurant, that is). It had a front fleishig cafeteria-style section, but if you wanted a nicer atmosphere, there was a back section where there was regular restaurant waiter service. It was quite popular because the location was terrific and the food was decent without being too expensive. I have lived in Israel for decades, so I don’t know when it closed. Oh, we ate in the back, thank you.
When life is too good, people occupy themselves with שטויות והבל. Life is too good in America.
Call yourself The Exceleh Rebbe, and tell the mikve people that “The Exceleh Rebbe is coming and would like the mikve cleared out for him for 10 minutes”
Chugibugi, well said.
Rebetzin Kaniefsky also promised moshiach “very very soon”. She died eight years ago.
You choose to live a materialistic life in a materialistic neighborhood with materialistic friends in the Land of Materialism. Your wife’s gorgeous human hair sheitel and your spiffy Shabbos hat are signs of spiritual bankruptcy and not closeness to God. Wake up, it’s not too late.
It bothers you so much either because:
1. You are trolling, or:
2. You need serious psychotherapy
All should stay away from topics that we are incapable of understanding. The proposed variations on moshiach, how, when, and under what conditions, are mind-boggling numerous, proving my point. Do mitzvos, live in israel, and be a good person. Let HKBH do the rest, He’s reliable.
I am far from an expert on these matters, but I want to bring up the water issue.
Washers are often designed for different mineral contents in the water, depending on the specific climate.
That is one of the reasons that in Israel the old American Maytags did not clean clothes nearly as well as the European models that all Israelis buy.
When after 30 years the Maytag (to p load) finally finished its journey, we bought a relatively simple, inexpensive and popular European-type washer (front load). The clothes come out much cleaner.
Hard to decide which is more irrational (read silly): giving anyone cigarettes, or believing that the chosson’s friends have supernatural powers. Toss-up.
I go to dentists who spell properly and check their comments before sending them.
“I don’t know of a single Litvish godol in the world that ever said not to get married at 18. If you know of any please advise who.”
” Chazal have harsh words for someone unmarried by age 21. ”
The above are interesting statements that carry no weight.
After some research, here are some facts:
Age of Litvish Godol at his marriage:
Brisker Rov : 24
Rav Aharon Kotler: 22
Steipler Gaon: 28
Rav Schach: 26
Rav Moshe Feinstein: 27
Rav Chaim Kaniefsky: 24
“The Brisker Rov was 16 by his engagement. Chazal have harsh words for someone unmarried by age 21. ”
The Brisker Rov married at age 24
Rav Chaim his father married at age 20.
I finished studying the comprehensive and lumdish analysis of this issue in Tehumin, volume 31, by Rav Fishman
The issues discussed were:
1. היוצא מן הטמא
2. דג טהור שנבלע בדג טמא
3. מי רגליים של חמור, גמל וסוס
4. היתר דבש דבורים
5. כבוש כמבושל
Most of the topics discussed in the article were mentioned here, although obviously, not in detail. All suggestions made here (personal bal t’shaktzu, changing the taste of the coffee rendering it assur, and others ) were considered, so no one was off base in our amateur discussion.
Caveat: One can always be machmir. The question was is drinking this coffee permissible?
The conclusion was that the coffee is kosher and there is no issur of bal t”shaktzu. Muttar.
Even if we disagree on psak and lomdus, I venture we can all agree that this coffee is pricey.September 1, 2019 7:48 am at 7:48 am in reply to: Should Wedding gowns for the extended family be discontinued? #1781763
I find it sad that it costs $800 to rent a gown for a mechateiniste, close to the price of a good pair of precious tefillin. That’s a lot of money to appease social pressure and quite un-Jewish expectations. No criticism intended, just sad.
When the Gedolei Olam speak speak and write in English only, this possibility can be discussed. To the best of my knowledge, not one of the following spoke or wrote in English. Rav Shteinman zt”l, Tav Elyashiv zt”l. Rav Shmuel Auerbach zt”l, Rav Kaniefsky, Rav Edelstein, Rav Deutsch, Rav Friedman, The Gerrer, Vizhnitz, and Belzer Rebbes, and more. Even native English speakers like Rav Hirsch and Rav Asher Weiss do not write Torah in English.
I highly suggest learning Hebrew and reading Hamodia and other papers in their original. I’m sure we all agree that there is nothing like the original. Yes, it’s tough to do, but it’s worth it. The non-Hebrew readers will always be only looking in through the outside glass at what is happening. Torah is in Hebrew, period.