Always_Ask_Questions

I would encourage you to separate two issues – (1) “less observant” and (2) “modern”. These are not the same things. You need to analyze your family circumstance: what belongs to each of these categories. If you understand the difference, then you might (or not) discover that some of your family values are worth keeping. For example, a more modern schooling or family background may have prepared you better for challenges of interacting with outside world, workplace, etc. You may still want to change your approach to a different one after due consideration, but at least you need to show respect to your parent’s derech by not discarding it as inappropriate (if that is what it is).

So, if you can find value in your background, then you original question is similar to: how about a Yekke marrying a Litvak with less if undue low self-esteem.

I have no problem reviewing various medicines that could be another layer in addition to vaccines, SD, masks, approved medicines.

For guys, who advocate some of these medicines INSTEAD of other things – are these your own ideas and you_all came up with them independently? If not, what is the source of your ideas – friends? radio? web? could you please share

> hitting a new low,

Chill, this is a very local low, they used to put people into labor camps.

Koheleth Rabbah also says that Kayin had 100 sons, enough to populate a town.

There is ambivalence whether Cain is guilty of murder or manslaughter (no precedent, he got angry, Abel provoked him, or even Hashem provoked him, etc), and his teshuva is half-baked: he demands protection at the end instead of pleading for it. So, he gets half-forgiveness: lives a long life, but is eventually killed in a similar (inadvertent-sic!) manner, not buried.

Also, in an analogy to inadvertent killers, it may be appropriate for him to reside in a city of refuge rather than travelling around forever.

legal reasoning source:
Irene Merker Rosenberg, Yale L. Rosenberg CAIN ROSE UP AGAINST His BROTHER ABEL AND KILLED HIM: MURDER OR MANSLAUGHTER?
they are quoting ALAN M. DERSHOWITZ, THE GENESIS OF JUSTICE 16 (2000) that I did not look up yet.

RebE, apologize, I did not look at what I copied. Don’t know how to control my Ctrl-V. You’ll be better off going to the original source, anyway.

Ujm, does you source have more details on that English student story? It is bothering me that he possibly disregarded his father’s halakhic sources and went somewhere else. Oz Vehadar is an unclear reference, this seems to be a publishing house only, not a sefer.

RebE > Chasidim did not want to mix with Non-Jews

Rebe, are you saying that Chasidim did not use this levush while it was popular among Poles?

> when I can’t see the person face to face,

I think this is an astute observation. I also noticed – for large group classes or meetings, video does not make much difference, but if you want to learn/discuss with 2-3 people, seeing person’s face is helpful – especially if people do not know each other or do not know each other well. “As there are no two same faces, there are no two same opinions” – and Zoom helps you see it immediately and naturally. Some psychologists say seeing your own face in Zoom is confusing for the brain, so experiment with looking only at the other person rather than gallery.

Still, I urge you to get accounting or legal advice on how to make your payment. I do not believe your learning will get the brocha otherwise… Presumably, if the chevrusa can qualify as an independent contractor (controlling their effort, time) or as a charity recipient, then you would not owe taxes, and his will be low. Do not rely on my opinion, of course, even if you pay me $5/hour …

To support the original post here, every person – Adam, Chava, Kayin – are punished not right after the son, but after a discussion. That is, something in each discussion – denial, shifting blame – is the immediate reason for the punishment. Kayin could have learned from the parents.

As a farmer, Kayin was in contact with Hashem. When he lost the contact, he had to rely on human intelligence that flourishes in the cities – developing science, engineering, processing produce. He also started the tradition of donor building right naming the city for his son, hoping to keep his memory eternal (paraphrasing R Elie Munk). Note that he tried to defend himself claiming that he did not know the other guy would die from the blow. As the defense did not work, he realized that not knowing science is not an excuse (my addition). Note that he started science education without ethical component (from a drasha, not sure of the source).

Israelis report that for 60+ year olds, 2 shots _currently_ (that is about 8 months later) have 5x serious illness decrease comparing with non-vaxed, and a recent booster adds another 12x for a total 60x. T

> In some places it’s the going rate.

I am just trying to be helpful and warn the person to avoid violating labor laws. IL is also above it. Maybe FL qualifies – $10/hour. Also, Ohio among states with some learning population.

It seems to depend on the state laws, whether a chevrusa will be an independent contractor (exempt from min wage and payroll taxes) or a hired worker. Sounds like if you select time, manner of learning, and a masechet – maybe he will be a worker … Maybe lawyers here will help.

this is below minimal wage in NY,NJ, and many other states

> i understand the rambam. but i think here specifically its not applicable

ok, Mod-29 may be right, I give up…If it is not a troll, Rav Dr Twerski recommends Nefesh Organization 201-384-0084 to find a frum psychologists who can help look at the issues without personal bias.

RebE> If a husband marries a sister of the first wife after her death

As mentioned above, what about gilgulim, or plain Yiden before Rabeinu Gershom, Sephardim, Yaakov, David? Will Shlomo get only his Jewish wives back?

Anyway, I will take seriously all these speculations when I see that we can figure out some simple things first like whether to bother putting a mask during pandemic. Or whether two medicines are the same molecule or not.

eishis > i dont sit the entire day punishing, i only do it when i have no other choice

could you do a count in your head for the last 24 hours: how many times you interacted positively and negatively with kids?

> it doesnt make sense to suddenly from being a {control freak dictating monster and} controling mother to a helpless mother who will just be mafkir her kids,

It does make sense to Rambam Hilhos Deos 2:2
אִם הָיָה רָחוֹק לַקָּצֶה הָאֶחָד יַרְחִיק עַצְמוֹ לַקָּצֶה הַשֵּׁנִי וְיִנְהֹג בּוֹ זְמַן רַב עַד שֶׁיַּחֲזֹר בּוֹ לַדֶּרֶךְ הַטּוֹבָה וְהִיא מִדָּה בֵּינוֹנִית שֶׁבְּכָל דֵּעָה וְדֵעָה

A person who swayed in the direction of one of the extremes should move in the direction of the opposite extreme, and accustom himself to that for a long time, until he has returned to the proper path, which is the midpoint for each and every temperament.

for those who are looking for medicines, the good news that there are a number of promising candidates now that already showed some promise in trials. Quoting from a newspaper article – , molnupiravir, Favipiravir, PF-07321332, Synairgen, Budesonide, Dexamethasone, Remdesivir, plasma.

> Can anyone support that so i dont feel like i just had 2 months of lockdown for absolutely no purpose?

AU has 40 deaths per million for the whole pandemic, US and UK almost 2,000. With 25 mln population, your country saved 50,000 people. Hazak ubaruch.

Whichever ends earlier and has less people per sq. foot.

Here is an Ohr Sameach version of this interesting story, thanks RebE

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zatzal, one of the foremost halachic authorities of our generation, was known to stand stock still during the silent prayer. He explained that, while living in Russia, he was once arrested for teaching Torah. One form of torture he experienced during his imprisonment was being forced to stand completely still facing a wall. The threat was that if he were to move he would be shot. It was on one of these occasions that Rabbi Feinstein was struck with the realization that if he could stand with such intense concentration for the sake of his captors, then he should afford at least the same respect when standing in front of Hashem.

Syag > That’s not educating, that’s indoctrination.

I was responding to previous suggestions that kids learn only their way is right at school and learn the rest after. Your point is well taken. I was able to send kids to an elementary school that was sufficiently good at not fully disrespecting others. But I think parental example is even more important than school. I regularly take kids to different types of events or quote different sources. When I was younger, I would quote Misnagdim to Chasidim and Chasidim to Misnagdim 🙂

ujm > is appropriately left to be learnt once a person is older.

from whom? If everyone in school insists that it is their way or highway, then they’ll stay the same as adults. I am not sure though what they are learning that they are not aware of opinion diversity. If they are not learning Gemorah that is full of opinions, they may be at least learning Sh’A that is a Sephardi sefer with Ashkenazi notes.

Eishes, > i am not against petch, but i am against my mothers petch and discipline

Rambam writen in Deos that one should bend the other way trying to fix a middah. When you are affected by a bad middah, it is natural to you to try just to “decrease’ it without fully feeling the wrong of this approach. As you are already aware of the problems you had, it is imperative to you to err the other way towards chesed.

quoting from R Twersky on a topic of one abusive parent:
proper discipline is NOT abusive (his capitalization).. Ramabam (Hil Ishus 16) husband and wife must address each other respectfully. A person who violates this halakha cannot eb considered frum any more than .. any other halakhah. .. Abusive behavior of any kind – verbal, emotional, physical, .. shold be nipped in the bud… promptly seek counseling on how to .. arrestiit and prevent from progressing

Ujm my source, as far as I can recall, was reliable but secondary, and I am not able to find the source right now. I was almost ready to agree with your claim, but see my other posts with quotes from Laws of Outreach sefer. Chazon Ish was strict on handshakes, but more lenient on Brochos. So, I’ll stand by my recollection of the story.

Also, see those quotes for multitudes of subtle psychological considerations and opinions on these issues – will the person be offended? is handshake cold/warm/hot potato(e)?

One more thought here: given variety of opinions, there is a greater danger here to use your bias to be either meikel or machmir and justify your own thinking by finding appropriate quotes. Just in an example above, one person might (incorrectly) learn that he’s following Chazon Ish by shaking hands, learning it from Kiddush, or similarly (incorrectly) conclude from not shaking hands to not making Kiddush.

extended quotes from Rabbi Avraham Edelstein Laws of Outreach Male-Female interactions, 2019

Tosafos Yom Tov, who writes in the Lechem Chamudos [perek 3] that in each locale the local practice determines what is considered sufficient attire.

Some Acharonim interpret the words of the Lechem Chamudos literally and that the determination of which parts of the body need to be covered is subjective.23 However, others understand that the Lechem Chamudos is merely ruling that the status of the forearm is determined by local custom, but matters of sanctity cannot be said before exposed upper arms and thighs

Mishnah Berurah writes that even in a society in which married women regularly go out with their hair exposed, men may not utter matters of sanctity before such women. This is because her hair is inherently considered by Chazal to be something personal and intimate…However, a number of Acharonim contend that in such a society, when there is a need, it is permissible for matters of sanctity to be expressed in the presence of a married woman whose hair is uncovered.T hese poskim understand that a woman’s hair is not intrinsically an intimate part of her body. Rather, the reason that a man may not recite Shema in the presence of a woman whose hair is exposed is so that the sight should not cause him to have illicit thoughts. Hence, in a society in which many women expose their hair, the sight of such hair will not induce illicit thoughts. Therefore, matters of sanctity can be said there. This is the view of the S’ridei Eish,31 the Ben Ish Chai,32 the Aruch HaShulchan,33 Rav Moshe Feinstein,34 and Rav Ovadia Yosef.35

T here appears to be a contradiction in the writings of the Chazon Ish regarding this matter. On one hand, the Chazon Ish writes unequivocally that the fact that many women go out without covering their hair does not justify saying words of sanctity in their presence.36 On the other hand, the Chazon Ish permitted giving a Chazal-based mussar lesson to an audience that includes women whose hair is uncovered if the speaker does not focus his attention on it.37 Rav Pesach Eliyahu Falk explained that the Chazon Ish maintained that it was forbidden for a man to say words of Torah before married women whose hair was exposed. However, for the important need for kiruv, it is proper to say matters of sanctity there.38

However, the Chazon Ish maintains a more lenient position. He holds that closing one’s eyes or turning away is even permitted l’chatchilah.42 In fact, the Chazon Ish held that a man is permitted to say matters of sanctity with his eyes open, even if he can see the problematic area with peripheral vision — as long as he does not perceive that which he is seeing.43 However, according to the stringent view of the Mishnah Berurah, ideally the only solution is for the man to turn his entire body away so that he is facing in a different direction.

It is said that when the Chasam Sofer needed to utter sacred matters in the presence of a woman who was not properly dressed, he donned glasses and shut his eyes.

In 1970, Rav Ovadia Yosef was awarded the prestigious Israel Prize by then prime minister Golda Meir. When Mrs. Meir extended her hand in congratulations, Rav Yosef did not respond, causing international condemnation for his refusal to shake a woman’s hand.

T he Shach rules that even if we are stringent like Rambam, physical contact that is not sensuous, such as when a male physician examines a female patient, is not prohibited by the Torah.73 Some other Acharonim argue that there is a Torah prohibition, even in this case.74 But, the later poskim follow the position of the Shach.75 Some authorities understand the ruling of the Shach to mean that there is still a rabbinic injunction — except in cases of danger to life.76 But, the mainstream view is that physical contact is permissible when there it is no sensuous pleasure elicited.77

. A formal handshake is not usually an expression of affection. Consequently, there is room to argue that such handshakes should be permitted in halachah. This was indeed the perspective of traditional German Jews. In fact, Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch used to extend his hand in greeting to women.79 Other rabbanim would only accept the hand of a woman who extend

Rav Isser Yehuda Unterman (1886–1976), the late Chief Rabbi of Israel, was once asked why he was lenient in shaking the hand of a woman who greeted him. He replied, “I am not being lenient about touching [women]; I am stringent about respecting humanity.”83 Similarly, Rav Chaim Berlin (1832–1912), wrote that if a non-Jewish woman extends her hand in greeting, a man should shake her hand as the Torah wants us to convey a demeanor of amicable respectability.84

Rav Yaakov Yitzchak Ruderman said in the name of Rav Chaim Ozer Grodzinski that the Rabbanei Ashkenaz were matir formal handshaking. Likewise, this was the position of Rav Shimon Schwab.

In three responsa, Rav Moshe Feinstein wrote that the view that permits such handshakes should not be relied on since there is a concern that the handshake will be affectionate.86 Rav Menashe Klein also adopts a stringent approach out of concern that although a handshake may be begin as a cold formality, it can evolve into an affectionate expression.87 The Chazon Ish considered such physical contact to be one of the crimes for which a person should give up his life rather than transgress.88

Steipler Gaon was of the opinion that even if the only recourse is to embarrass the person extending his/her hand, there is no justification for a man and woman to shake hands.

Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky very cautiously suggested that a man might be able to be lenient to shake an outstretched hand if failure to do so will cause a social disgrace

Rav Moshe Sternbuch proposed that perhaps the Chazon Ish was so strict over the issue of handshaking because he was referring to a warm and affectionate handshake as opposed to a cold formality.99 Rav Sternbuch wrote that in the event that failure to accept a handshake would generate an interpersonal crisis, one should seek rabbinical guidance.100

Rav Yitzchak Hutner’s guidance was to accept a woman’s outstretched hand “like a hot potato” in order to avoid embarrassing her.102 Even though Rav Moshe Feinstein published three responsa that would forbid handshakes in all cases, orally he instructed people differently. Many rabbanim have reported that Rav Feinstein instructed people that under extenuating circumstances, they could be lenient.

It is clear from the above that the local circumstances in which interactions between males and females take place play an important role in determining the halachic conclusions. The location, the degree of sensitivity of the participants (are they used to mixed events or not), and the nature of the event (is it one of levity or not) are all-important variables. Thus, the K’sav Sofer writes that we are not strict to maintain strict separation of the genders at a wedding ceremony because it is a controlled, serious situation, and not one of levity.1

Rav Feinstein made it clear that ideally, boys and girls should be separated at an early age, but not at the expense of closing down the school or of having to send the girls to a public school.