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There are plenty older chassidish singles, where by now, their parents “brainwashed”them as to what they want or “need”..
What is wrong with marrying someone that was engaged before (yes one may do investigating).. or a boy more than 5yrs older than girl? Is it so bad? Chassidish parents need to open up a bit and not worry what the neighbors or relatives say and worry about there own family.
there is one thing that really gets me. When a parent calls a friend or relative to ask information about someone they may know, the person being asked won’t give informational facts they will only say ‘oh this family or this boy is not for you..dont ask me why.. just stay away..’ Does this person really know what you need or what you are looking for or perhaps you will look away at certain details for whatever reason?? Give the faacts! let the girl, boy, or parent decide if it’s suitable or not..
As I see it there are 2 problems.
1. Nobody wants to give up on anything of there ‘perfect’ list..
2. boys, girls, and parents have there priorities mixed up!
I am a shadchan and I hear this all the time..
He went to the wrong Brisk..
I need a girl from a chassidishe school..(there are chassidish girls in BY too)..
He wears the wrong hat.. the family this.. the family that..
we got to look past the clothes and see if the person is right!
and the mentality of course..those are priorities! midos goes without say!
read ‘Its All In Your Mind’ by Sara Yosef
has the rov spoken to your dh?
Glad to see more ppl agreeing with Satmarer shitta..
I once hearsd the reason why R’ Moshe Ber Beck gives the gifts,celebrates, with ‘the cousins’ is for the same reason Yakov Avinu came with gifts to Eisav when Yakov knew his brother was coming to kill him..
And if its true, as the Gerrer posted so many jews were saved from killed maybe for that it is worth it..
NO I am NOT an NK!!
OK i back..was out most of day with DH..
He wanted me to come along..
as soon as I get into car the yelling and blaming starts..
I asked, for this I came with you?
now to answer your questions..
its not B12 (even though its also good)..
B-COMPLEX is the vitamin, I have a friend who is taking 3×3 pills a day.and this comes recommended thru a nutritionist. its not an overdose! truthfully that much would make me nauseous but at some points in my life I opted for the nausea rather than the depression..
always- does ur dh only pick on one of your children?
besides making up stories and assumptions just so he can be angry my dh has one child in particular that gets a tripldose!
and as you askd earlier on.. Yes I would love to have a normal respectful loving relationship as we once had, but if this is how he acts and doesnt want to get help for anger control etc.. i refuse to suffer and be a victim of his mishigassen and that also erks him, that i hav such a great attitude and happy disposition and accept my ‘horrible bad chutspedigge’ children (which they r obviously not) just the way they are.. while he is SUFFERING.
Yes he has som slight health issues.. but nothing that cannot be taken care of and he just refuses to try to get help so he just broods and this is part of all the anger and horrifying attitude..
oy.. the list goes on but I must go take care of dear children and get them ready for bed..
I check situation soon
Let me just remind you.. take that B-complex!
my husband never pphysically abused me either..
he was tough on the kids if he ‘decided’ that they did somthing wrong they would get it with a belt after he did it twice I ‘assered’ him from touching ‘my’ children with a belt.. to the point where he ignores them totally and does not reprimand at all cuz I dont let him do it his way!
But he sure knows how to verbally abuse, to the point where they now do not go to shul with him, dont discuss anything with him, he wont drive them anywhere cus he says he’s not car service-even if its on the way to where he is going anyway..
always angry at everything! even when there is nothing to be angry at, he finds what to be angry at and scream so the entire block hears!
I could hear him yelling down the block when I am coming home from work or anywhere else, especially bein hazmanim when the boys are home. they dont answer back they just ignore and walk out. They sleep till late daven late and them make shabos seuda on ther own later.
Basically I made up my mind to have my own life.. I got a job. I cook ,take care of my children and there needs..go and come as I wish. Dont answer to anyone and I dont argue I stop the answering or having a conversation when I see I am gettig nowhere with the conversation. I am the one to takecare of everything in the house including registering boys in yeshiva k’tana and yeshiva g’dola. who knows what they think.. maybe there is no father…? when i speakto rosh yeshiva they askd me where is the father? i said he was out of town for business which he goes sometimes and thats when quiet reigns.. shabos is peaceful kids are home and we have nice meals.
the older kids grew wings, and when the going gets tough the tough get going.. they just leave and come home when they are sure the battle grounds are quiet..I also aim for them to go to a sleepaway yeshiva so when they do come home they are guests and its somewhat less arguing but usually not for long and the barrage of hateful critcism starts..
my husband realizes that I am disgusted with him and he asks me ‘how can I gain back your caring and trust?’ I answer him.. When he will truly love MY children..
but I am not sure when that will happen because as soon as I say that he starts defending himself that he really knows what he is doing so I tell him to go to any rov ar rebbe and ask them which system is the correct one mine or his.. he doesnt answer me and never went.. so the time passes and the kids are getting older and I give them whatever I can and kiss them and keep reminding my husband that kids need a mother and a FATHER!
Dont know where u are located but maybe a bikur cholimin your neighborhood can help
Forget the zoloft!
Take B-complex.. It helped me thru postpartum depression and other bouts of depression, and a few friends I recommended it to.
B-complex will also help you think straight and have the strength.
If its really bad there is lithium oratate to help ones brain fluids to adjus, so u think and react properly..
I also have a spouse with a Jeckyl-Hyde personality.. the name of the game is save the kids. It may be wrong, but I am always sticking up for them in front of him.. and I do hope I am anonymus here as well.. If its possible you shoul take them all for therapy on how to deal with this kind of father.. I have a lot more to say, it would probably take up a page..HAZLACHA RABBA
try res-hab. or comm-hab as it is called now.
u can choose ur hrs.
Truthfully one can work and learn if they want to..
and cover more ground then those learning an entire day!
It all depends on the ‘cheishik’
no, its not wrong.
I am a shadchan and I am also looking for shiduchim for my children and don’t agree with this program.
If someone has the means and they want to pay extra,
thats fine..
If not, they should pay what they are able.
It would be nice if I would get something for my efforts but I would never ask for it.. There were some that gave on there own but I could count them on one hand..
wandering, check out group therapy if you have found or harassed.
it means ‘get out of the way’.. especially when its behind you..and depending how fast you move you get bps!
being a mom of married and shidduch aged children..
no one around here was ever under pressure to get married- I simply didnt put the pressure on.. and they got married in low 20’s and did not miss out on anything.
I dont call shadchanim- they call me ,and I listen,- if the shidduch is interesting I proceed to find out if not I dont.
You have GREAT attitude! when the right one will come along it should be pleasant and enjoyable! no need to push yourself around. People see you and know you!
Good luck
Hi and a gitt yur to evryone..
KB613 maybe you can educate me in another area of the eye?
I took my son to the eye dr. (optometrist) for a regular vision checkup, and she could not get him to see the last two lines on the eye chart..
Do you hava any suggestions of what this may be?
I will take him to the opthamologist very shortly..
but she said she did not see anything really wrong in the eye..
definitely
Drivin into an intersection when your vehicle cannot cross completely!
causing cross traffic not being able to pass!
drivers should be ticketed for that rather than parking your car in crosswalk for a few minutes!!!
I am not pro NK.
just one thing I’ve heard, I believe it was Hirsch who said it.
That Yaakov avinu also took gifts to Eisav…
KP613. Thanx for the information… I will look into that dr.
Too bad you 80’s missed de 70’s and 60’s..
those were really good ol’ days..
my mother has that floating eye as well.
nothing being done about it. it usually happens in the evening when she is tired
in reference to my husbands cataract -as mentiond above- he was also quite young for a cataract and there is no known reason for this.
I also have a cousin who had a cataract removed at quite a young age- in her 30’s.
about my dad.. the only thing I know that could be the reason is his age (80’s- ad mea v’esrim) and perhaps a predisposition to diabets besides this he is healthy B-H is on no medication etc..
about the transplant- do you know if he had to b on any kind of medication or if he currently on meds?
now that we are on the subject..
A family member of mine burnt her cornea when she was quite young.
Now that she is in her 20’s it was suggested she has a cornea transplant.
If someone can tell me healing time.. and if one needs to be on steroids,, for how long etc.
and anything else she should know about a cornea transplant.
Thank you all.
My husband had cataracts on both eyes, a few years apart.
and B-H had minimal recovery time and sees clearly.
At this time my father is being treated for macular degeneration.
He goes every few weeks to the retia specialist and when he sees progression my father gets an injection in the eye. I dont know the drug he is getting.
the worst is over..
Yes but those dont help if the sun is too bright and blinding.
specially when driving.
So.. Any engagement yet?
mommamiia22- these Israeli cousins of yours probably dont leave there home without the sunglasses!
my sis-in-law (in Israel) doesnt.
and like s/o mentiond before, driving in the winter when the sun is low.. I consider it mandatory!!
depends which neiborhood you in.
I am not embarrassed. sometimes there is too much month at the end of the money.. and we a little hungry..
always runs- thats exactly my method as well.
I also used dr fischer hygenic hair treatment.
i also combed out hair daily..now i comb when I remembr just in case..
and I didnt do the plastic bag thing..
I still say your all playing on one persons naivity..
i would have asked politely “Can i bother u for some water- please”. I’m sure you would have gotten it.
and maybe they woul have learnt to perhaps offer next time.
They are not mechuyav.. its just mentshlechkeit.
It sounds like perhaps what meaning you got out of it..
or perhaps some kind of Tshuva to make moshiach come faster..
It should stay with you throughout the year.. not just Tisha b’Av.
just my thought..
Yaela- Is there any way you can find an other family to live with?
do you have siblings in this mess as well? (that need to be taken care of).
There’s no reason you should have to ‘live’ in this situatio..
Being positive and having a positive outlook is definitely the way to go!
May I add some suggestions.. Firstly- give in. Realize you will not find EXACTLY what you are looking for. BUT you do have to make sure you can live with these ‘faults’.
Secondly- a lot of girls and boys are afraid o open up and show who and what they realy are causing the date to be dropped cuz either person was afraid to ‘invest’. In case it wont work out the other person will know too much about me etc…
no matter what, something has to be investd. GOOD LUCK
Being that you stated that you paid for the stitches I assumed you do not have medical coverage, I guess I misunderstood.
If the premium of your neighbors policy will not go up I would explain my situation and file against it. But see what else it entails.. If it turns out to be a drawn out procedure and court appearances I would think it over…
HATZLACHA
9 days…?
Dumb question- why dont you have insurance?
I would talk to them nicely and explain the situation and tell them you’d like to sue being that you know it would not really cause them any monetary loss… and you are not angry at them in any way etc… I hope you want to stay on good terms with them, i mean if your a neighbor it could get uncomfortable.
If they really dont want to cooperate just accept it and daven that Hashem should take care of you. He has his ways of routing money in any direction He sees fit! and its really not worth the fight that could result..
Hatzlacha Rabba
Kol ha’kavod!
we even got shomrim..cuz police response is V-E-R-Y slow!
yes.. even my 6yr old doesn”t want to become fleishig! and thats for supper right before bedtime.
I wasnt aware there was an “official” name for this.
agreed!
where do we go from here?
many years ago I went to the bungalow colony with someone who’s husband did not not allow her to gain a pound.. and other very shallow rules,in the home..
I then met up with a few years later, she was remarried..
No, i did not hear that she was divorced but I was certainly not surprised..
what kind of abuse?
mental?
physical?
emotional?
now dats news!
man bites dog is news..dog bites man is not news..
how does one know who started?
does this mean we cannot defend ourselves anymore??
as a shadchan and a mother of marriagable aged children I only have one thing to say..
no one wants to give into anything!
marriage is meeting each other at least half way.
bak to the water bottle thing,,
what do we do when we see a waterbottle?
call the police? bombsquad?
report a “chaifetz chashud”
Stay away from videos..
How then do you expect them to make it ineresting?
or, they will tell you that its for entertainment only..