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You don’t describe what type of problems you want to speak to the psychologist about, but you mention a fear of dogs. There are different types of psychologists out there, meaning that there are different methods of dealing with “psychological” issues – talking it out, behavioral therapy, etc. Different problems can be best “treated” with different methods. Like if you are afraid of dogs, then behavioral therapy would help a lot with that since they try to desensitize you to your fear rather than simply “talking about it”. Does that make sense? Now if you have fears about a lot of things, then maybe talking about fear as a general would help, possibly in conjunction with behavioral therapy to deal with your most bothersome fears.
By the way, where did you learn that psychological treatment is free in EY?
Gumball, I think a lot of people out there would hire an interior designer, but it’s not just a matter of colors and designs. You have to be able to work with people, hear what they say, understand what they want and be able to bring their vision into reality. Just think about designing newly built mikvaos, batei knessios, etc, and even offices, not just people’s houses. You should look for a program that will train you and perhaps there is a certificate that can be given at completion of the program, but I would look around and find any people in the business already and see if you can learn the business from them since I personally think that is what makes a good interior designer. You have to know where to find the good deals.
I have a related question, just out of curiosity. Does anyone know which seminary is run by Mrs. Mindy Levine?
There is a concept of 1 1/2 days YT. It is a little tricky, but basically we’re mechuyav in the lo sa’asehs but potur from the asehs, meaning we can’t do melocho but we don’t have to make kiddush. I believe there are some opinions that a person from EY could do melocho on the second day of YT in private, but I’m not 100% on that.
Y20, I agree. My husband only has calling capabilities. I remember that almost 20 years ago, the only way to get ahold of a yungerman in Brisk was to call the public phone. Cell phones are a far cry from that already. Most yeshivos here have a policy to shut them off during the seder. Too many phones going off and it was very disruptive. Most men would at least try to keep it on vibrate, but still, can they concentrate? I would try not to call until after minchah if I needed something unless it was an EMERGENCY!!
Personally I feel that a bochur has virtually no reason to be texting anybody. If he’s learning in Lakewood, then that is what he’s supposed to be doing – LEARNING. His mother will simply have to call him or wait for him to call bein hasedarim in order to speak to him. If there is an emergency, there are probably other means to get ahold of him in such cases.
A yungerman, on the other hand, does have other people out there who are dependent on him. Maybe his wife should do the same as the bochur’s mother, I’m not sure, but really what is texting used for? I’m in EY and, as mentioned above, do not have such capabilities on my phone.
I know this is from 8 months ago, but I just wanted to add that after growing up in LA for the first 30 years of my life, I wouldn’t dream of taking my teenage girls to the beach to do ANYTHING. There is so much pritzus there, especially in the area of the bike paths. What would you want your daughters (and I would imagine there are a few sons in the group as well) to see people wearing a few threads for their clothes?
Popa – Haha
AYC, you should have bentched gomel!
mak – I was really laughing at your question about the nusach for the fishies thrown down the … ahem…
Well, I asked my husband and he told me with a very straight face that the nusach is the same no matter how you plan to dispose of the poor fellows – ha yailaich lemisa.
Well, I thought it was a funny ?, but he’s a REAL BRISKER.
(Oops, not the real brisker here in the CR, just one in real life).
What about a post-sem girl to come and stay by you at night to take care of the baby while you and hubby sleep?
I had a friend in sem who used to do it for families with twins. She married late and ended up having twins for her first babies!!!
Some poskim would say that pe’a nochris is a synthetic sheitel, but others hold that anything made not from the woman’s own hair is a pe’a nochris.
The whole thing that I understand about hair and covering it is that a woman’s own hair is a very beautiful part of her and it is something to be saved just for her husband. Covering it with a shaitel or other head covering does not have to make her ugly, she’s not allowed to make herself ugly in front of her her husband, but the hair is still to be saved for him.
I once heard that it is a bigger mitzvah (not sure about a scale of big/little mitzvos, just mentioning for relativity) for a woman to have hair and cover it than to take off her hair. What’s left to share with her husband?
As far as the women who shave their heads, that comes from the Chasam Sofer who indicated this for Hungarian women due to issues at the mikvah. I can say as a woman who has had long hair and also shaved my head, that going to mikvah without hair is thousands of times easier than dealing with their hair, but I probably got more schar especially in sholom bayis when I had hair. I only shaved when it became clear that I was past childbearing age but not through menopause yet and dealing with the hair issue once every month or two was not the same as a couple of times a year or until the next time I got pregnant.
AYC – I know people who do that with their esrogim after Succos and use that for their besomim at havdalah. Thanks for reminding me. I always wanted to get my girls to do that -what else can I do with 4 esrogim. Don’t suggest jam since there’s never time to make such a thing and no one would eat it, but besomim, why not?
Kosher phones in EY do not have internet or SMS (which I assume is texting).
BDE. I am actually acquainted with his son’s family, R’ Elchanan Baron of Ramat Shlomo. Hamakom yinachem eschem besoch she’ar avlei Tzion v’Yerushalayim.
Because he’s more technologically savvy? Being stupid doesn’t count.
It is not simply a minhag, but a halachic issue.I n the Brisker circles and other communities here in EY many women also do not fast on the short fast days, only TB and YK. From what I understand, it’s for 1 of at least 2 reasons. One is the fasts are meant only for healthy people and women in our times are consider svach (weak), so are unable to fast. Second, the Briskers are very makpid on venishmartem me’od lenafshoseichem, so the woman do not fast even when they are not pregnant or nursing. My daughter does fast, as do I, but we don’t seem to have a hard time fasting. If my next daughter, who will be bas mitzvah next month, has a hard time fasting, then I will ask my husband to ask a shailah.
Yes, Itche, we are very careful not to feed our children excessive amounts of nitrites. High levels have been known to cause people to inadvertently activate their electronic devices leading to an unhealthy addiction to consume very undesirable quantities of substances that have an unknown cumulative effect on the human body.
old man, I don’t think gumball was suggesting that there was a cause and effect relationship between buying baby items before the baby has been born and the unfortunate death of the baby before its birth. It’s perfectly fine to go window shopping and know what the mother-to-be has in mind and then hopefully the father can go buy the items after the birth. With my first, I remember running into a department store on the way home from the hospital to pick up the necessary items. I believe that I had bought just 1 stretchy beforehand, but this may not even be accurate and my mother may have gone out and brought something to the hospital for me to bring the baby home in. Not all women are in a physical condition that will allow a quick shopping spree a few days after birth, but hopefully some friends/family can pitch in and get what’s necessary, especially if she’s made some kind of a wish list online or something to that effect.
Pba, there are many rabbonim who are against a woman having an ultrasound simply to find out what is the sex of the baby she is carrying. If the pregnancy is uncomplicated, an ultrasound is considered by them to be unnecessary. Not all findings from an ultrasound are accurate and sometimes parents can be told that there are problems and this turns out to be completely inaccurate. These parents had to endure the remainder of the pregnancy in limbo. Some people also choose not to undergo the test. So the question still begs as to how to know which sex to prepare for. The other suggestions given are very useful. With my last, I washed old boy and girl infant clothes just to be ready. I also felt in my heart that it would be a girl and she is. It pays to be ready for both but I wouldn’t go out to buy. I have a niece who had a stillbirth on her due date. She knew it was a boy and family was prepared to go to them for the bris. Really sad.
Try substituting Splenda for the sugar in that recipe.
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I want to second what dandelion just said and add that part of the EY experience is exactly why she’s having a hard time – being away from home for an extended period of time, learning to be independent and immersing herself in learning more about Yiddishkeit than she probably learned in 4 years of H.S.
Rebbetzin Shain wrote in All for the Boss that part of the reason that she and her husband, R’ Moshe, were so close was because they had gone to Poland early in their marriage and had to learn to rely on each other. They developed a special closeness that never dissipated over the years, no matter that they returned to the U.S.
Your daughter will learn not only Torah, but all the skills that other people mentioned above, including how to make lifelong friends probably on a deeper level than those she had in school simply from proximity to their house/being in elementary and high school together, and the kedusha of EY will give her koach that she didn’t know she had to rise in ma’alos of yiras shomayim and avodas H’ that will carry her to marriage and beyond.
You all should have a gut gebentsched yahr and H’ should send you parnasa meruba to be able to send your next daughter to EY as well because I have a feeling that after she talks to her older sister a few times once she has adjusted, she will also be begging to go to sem in EY.
BSD, why the mumps shot? That’s supposed to be administered subcu in the arm.
Mods, can you help me figure out how to get info on transcribing work to people who are interested. I’m not sure that the company wants me to publicize their info on the CR.
Toi, I’m sorry, but I don’t think that comment is at all accurate. I have been fortunate to work for an American company that was set up specifically to employ American women in EY (and also America) in a respectable job that has the potential for good pay, depending on the skills of the woman and the amount of time she has available to work. I don’t see the jobs that are advertised on secular job boards advertising pay at much better wages.
Adorable, if you have good typing skills, you can do medical transcription here in EY for an American company in Lakewood. If you’re interested, put a post and I’ll try to let you know more details.
Oh wait, you said somewhere that you’re not going to have internet when you move. How will you work for an American company?
Shtusim, I’m sure the cause of death was determined to be close-contact cranial collision with a heavy object. If it was not a digital scale I’m sure the mes was left with imprints from the device on his face. LOL!! Not pretty, just joking.
Why did she originally decide to become frum? I would suggest going to a Discovery weekend. I think they are provided by Aish, sorry not sure, been in EY too long. I came from a background where my sisters did teshuva more than 10 years before me, but I thought they were ??? (not normal in the head). Then I went to Discovery (didn’t know what it was or I might actually not have gone) and when I heard the talk about the codes and realized that it was all emes, I knew I had no choice but to do what was written. A lot of times people think they want to be frum on one level, but then the yetzer hara comes in and starts giving them excuses from making progress. Understanding the reasons for being frum help us be able to fight the YH.
Knowing that gender was decided at conception I had did not know how to understand the gemara. Now I know, if it is supposed to be a male you must daven that everything forms correctly and it does not remain a female.
I learned at one point that when Leah was pregnant with Dina, she knew that the embryo was supposed to be a boy, but that would mean she would have 7 boys and Rochel would end up with only 1, less than even the Bilhah and Zilpah. She daavened that the baby should stay a girl so that her sister wouldn’t be considered lower than them.
Be Happy, so sorry to hear about your nephew contracting polio from the virus. I know that over here in EY, they used to give the live polio vaccine orally – OPV as well as IPV, the inactive version. We were told to wash our hands well for 2 days after the vaccine after changing the child’s diaper. Then several years ago someone contracted polio from contacting the dirty diapers of a child who had received the vaccine but not within 2 days, more like 6 weeks prior to the contact. At that point it was decided (don’t know if this international or just local to EY) to only give the IPV vaccine. I don’t think you can get polio from that form since it is inactive.
I don’t think that anything Hashem sends us can be not for the good, but sometimes Hashem gives us things or has us experience things that are “good for us” but it is hard to see the good. Let’s say, for example, the loss of a friendship when one party moves far away. Now you might think that it’s not good for you, who wants to lose a friend. But, Hashem knows that it is good for you, because maybe you were too dependent on that friendship or whatever, and now without it you will develop more independence, more leadership skills, new friends, etc, that you might not have done had you had that friend close by. Was it painful? Yes. Was it good? It was hard to see in the beginning, but maybe with hindsight the person might appreciate that it was in fact good for him even though he did not think so in the beginning or even in the process of reaching the final goal.
I think it is helpful to ask Hashem to give you what is good for you and for it to be sweet and that you should be able to see the good (so that it is obvious that it is good and you’re not left wondering).
Health, yes, my son was one of those kids who got the mumps even though he was vaccinated, also my daughter and even myself. I have had 2 daughters get chicken pox even though they were vaccinated. I will say, though, that the cases which they had were very minor, not the extremely painful, itchy, bed-ridden illnesses that one used to develop when one was sick with things like chicken pox, mumps, diptheria, measles, etc, and not to speak of the horrors of polio. Who would want their child to risk paralysis and lifelong disability just to avoid such a vaccine?
I am one of the kids whose mother used to take me around to all my friends when she heard they were sick with chicken pox. Back in those days there was no chicken pox vaccine (late 60s-70s), so everyone had to just get sick. I never ended up getting sick, so we always thought I just hadn’t had it. It wasn’t until I was 26 that I developed some kind of illness that had blister-like sores on my body, but it was a very mild case and nothing could be determined from a sample of the liquid in one of the blisters, so we still never knew if I had the chicken pox. Now when I was pregnant with my first, I was exposed to a child who had the chicken pox. I wasn’t worried for myself, but I was in my 9th month and developing chicken pox at that stage is dangerous for the newborn. She would only be protected if I had immunity myself. I had to go for a blood test to see if I had the antibodies in my blood, which I fortunately did, but I would have had to get a gamma glubulin shot within 4 days of the exposure or else it wouldn’t be effective if I wasn’t already immune.
Also, it’s not fair to say that people with children who are vaccinated won’t be affected because, being that the vaccines are only 80-90% effective, then if the child did in fact become even mildly sick, they would be contagious and they would not be able to go to daycare, school, etc, meaning the parent would have to take time off work, possibly lose wages/job, etc, plus the child would suffer unnecessarily.
I’m sure they’ve picked up on your attitude, which is pretty clear from the title you gave to this blog. Remember that you left and she had to step into your shoes and be the “big sister” now for a whole year. I’m sure it felt pretty good since she’s been in your shadow all this time. It was her time to shine. She’s not ready to relinquish that spotlight now and just let you come back and take over like in the old days before sem. I would sit down, maybe like yossi z. said, in her favorite restaurant/coffee shop/ice cream store, have a heart-to-heart with her and let her know how you’re feeling and ask her how she would like to handle the situation. I hope that if she hears that you are willing to listen to her take on the situation it might help her back down from the defensive position she’s sitting in. The best defense is an offense, so that’s what she’s been trying to do since you came home – push you out so that you can’t take over. Hopefully if you can talk it out (with you doing a lot of listening), you can restore some sholom bayis to your house. I have heard that getting along with your living partners (siblings, roommates, etc) is a segulah for getting along with your spouse. Try to make it work out, the effort will be worthwhile.
Metrodriver and everybody else, I think a mistake has been made. The original purchase was for $17.04, but he was mistakenly charged $1704. They gave him a refund for the $1704, but never charged the $17.04. It is totally understandable that a store could miss the charge for the small amount, and the person might think to himself that it is such a small amount and of little consequence that he does not have to try to return it, but, as everybody said, he should give it back as soon as he can find them. Best idea is before R”H to put it in a bag with the name of the store on it, put it to the side and be mekabel to get it back to them. Of course, if you can find them before R”H, it would be terrific, but in the event that you can’t, you don’t want the issue of gezel over your head on Yom HaDin.
Friends of mine have put their sinks on an angle in the corner and they seem to be OK. I put mine on the 2 branches of the L of my kitchen and put a cabinet with a 2-section door that opens 180 degrees in my corner. Some people suggested to put a lazy Susan type device instead of just a shelf in such a corner cabinet. I had never seen one before I designed my kitchen and unfortunately was not advised on such a device. It might help, but I do find that I have pretty good access to the depths of the cabinet. It also worked out nicely because they are very tall shelves because obviously no drawer can fit on top of them, so all of my tall pots can go on those shelves. Enjoy your new kitchen!!
Go in the “Insert” menu and bring up “Symbol”. All of the symbols are there. At the bottom, there is a button for “shortcut key”. You can decide which shortcut you want to assign for different symbols. Just make sure not to use shortcuts that are already used for other functions on the computer (like Control-S). Have fun!!!
Hey, I keep meaning to ask, what yeshua? Do you have time to tell us?
If you have, as you said, “tons of friends”, I wouldn’t spend my time worrying about whether people like you more or less because you seem reserved. Like am yisrael chai said, it’s how you feel about yourself that counts. It’s not only a matter of feeling happy, it’s your self confidence and self esteem that matter. Don’t determine your self-worth based on how you feel others are thinking about you. Most often you will be wrong at your assessment of how they think of you, but you can’t always run around checking with everybody to see how they feel about you so that you can figure out how “good” you are.
In a way, it’s like Torah values. Since they come from Hashem, they are not subject to the whims and attitudes of the current society. Your self esteem should come from within, when you recognize your strengths and also even your weaknesses, gaining strength from working on those things you want to change, without this coming from external sources.
For a girl to meet the parents of every boy she dates is a huge emotional investment for her. Boys can handle the meetings without getting hopes up, etc. I have heard about the mother of the boy going to some neutral location that she has heard the girl will be at in order to get a look at her (hence the reason many girls in the parsha feel it necessary – possibly for good reason – to look their best at every simcha they go to). I’m not saying that this is the right way to do things, but it would be a pity for a girl to become emotionally invested right off the bat at the first date upon meeting the parents of the boy.
I have an older version Bosch and for making cookie dough, I bought an attachment that is called “Cookie Paddles”. This is instead of the whip attachments that the device comes with standard. This will make a good batch of cookie dough, probably with 2 cups of margarine if you want to make a double batch.
I know they came out with a new model and I know that the last time they came out with a new one it was definitely not as strong as the old one, which has a mechanical drive motor as opposed to the new ones that have an electronic motor. Unfortunately I believe they stopped making the old one, so if you find one, even used, let’s say at a moving sale here in Jerusalem, then I would grab it. I’m even thinking about it for my daughters since it’s so invaluable.
The metal bowl and its attachment is what lets you make the larger batch of dough to take challah with a bracha. I use the smaller plastic bowl with its dough hook and take challah without a bracha.
Great post Tzvideer!!! I was going to say the same thing myself.
I was told that even to put something on top of the stove once Shabbos has already started one needs to put something (like an empty pot that has been overturned) on top of the blech and put the food on top of that to avoid it appearing as if you are cooking. I believe the idea is that an unlearned person could look at you while it’s happening and not realize that you are putting it “right next to the fire” as opposed to right over the fire and think that you are cooking whatever you have put there.
“Let them eat cake!
but please make sure the cake is yoshon and gluten free and sugar free and nut free and baked in a special bakery that is a 2 hour drive. “
…. so that it will be a hard stone when it gets to your simcha, but make sure that it’s the prettiest thing out there and then all the kids will be sure to take a piece, take a bite and leave the rest on the table, shmearing it into the tablecloths.
em0616 – do you have a mekor for that?
I think that repeated exposure with members of the opposite gender leads to a gradual breakdown of sensitivity to tznius. There are a number of reasons this happens I’m sure, some mentioned above, like “collegiality in the work place” and even just having to deal with the secretary of the boss or some such things. It’s a reality and there’s not much that can be done when men work together with women.
The yetzer hara comes on strong and tries to convince us to stay in that great paying job because there aren’t so many available, and “what’s the difference of talking to a few men – it’s no big deal”. I truly hope that you will be rewarded for your efforts not to succumb to this ploy by the y.h. and will quickly find a great paying job in an environment that will let you keep your sensitivities in place. Great job in Elul!!!
I would suggest that your son might your need help in setting up such a play date. It probably depends on his age, but if they’re setting up play dates, then I would suspect that he’s still young. If you spoke directly to his mother and got such a comment from her, then you could find some way to gently explain to your son that it didn’t work out, rather than him hearing it in such a direct and hurtful manner. Only after a relationship develops would I let my kids make such arrangements on their own. I apologize in advance if this is actually what happened, but I didn’t understand it this way from your original question.
I agree 100% aries. A friend of mine told me that something she was looking for was someone who had a positive attitude about things, could see the good side of difficult situations. I was too immature at the time (although I was not young) to understand, but I sure do now. Better catch it now before there’s more emotions involved.
I would certainly tell the shadchan why you are hesitant to continue. The boy may not realize how he is behaving and coming across. Certainly the issue of talking about past dates should be mentioned. He should know that, even if you say yes to another date, if this continues, then you will say no after the next date.
But, I would do this keeping in mind that he might put on an act after this and it may be harder to see his true self at that point. It is not easy to be married to a person who is constantly looking at the negatives of situations.
Aries, could it be a little of the other side of the fence is greener. There is SO much Torah that you can learn and be able to quote when you need to.
Rebbetzin Deena Weinberg, almanah of the late R”Y of Aish HaTorah, R’ Noach Weinberg, used to teach and probably still does that there is so much to learn about keeping the mitzvos women have to keep, like the 6 constant mitzvos. She recommended learning EVERYTHING you can about what you do have to do and then if you have time after that, well, you can imagine.
There are tons of seforim out there and a lot of what you probably want is in the medrash and other non-problematic seforim on hashkafa, etc. The issues of learning mishna/gemara by women may not seem so large when you look at how much is actually out there that we can learn.