Forum Replies Created
Cont. of previous post:
Rav CK Also pointed out that according to this shita, even if the watch is exclusively a men’s style it is still considered beged isha and there is also no difference whether the watch is a jewelry type of watch or just a plain one, since the issur stems from the actual wearing of a wristwatch being a beged isha.
This is the part which Rav Nissim Korelitz Shlit”a disagrees with. He says that the Chazon Ish was only opposed to men wearing jewelry type of watches such as gold watches or expensive brand name watches. [this I heard second hand. I did not hear it from R’ NK himself].
1. There is too much discussion about Kollel Vs. Working in the Coffee room.
2. There is not enough not enough discussion about Kollel Vs. Working in the Coffee room.
3. It depends on what your opinion is, in reference to the above issue, whether you think there is enough or too much.
THIS JUST IN – AS HEARED DIRECTLY FROM RAV CHAIM KANIEVSKY HIMSELF:
The reason that the Chazon Ish held that a wristwatch is considered “begged isha” is not just because women wear or wore wristwatches, but because the ORIGIN of wearing a wristwatch was begun as an ORNAMENT FOR WOMEN.
Thus the Chazon Ish held that something which began as something exclusively for women’s adornment does not become muttar when men also begin wearing it. [Thus the difference between wristwatches and shoes, hats, etc.]
Pocket watches are clearly permitted even by this shita.
It is comon knowledge in Israel, that since Rav Elyashiv Z”L was nifter, anyone who visits R’ Chaim Kanievsky is asked to remove his wristwatch, because R’ Chaim quoted in the name of the Chazon Ish that wearing ANY type of wristwatch is considered “Beged Isha”. This is because it is not the type of watch that’s beged isha but the concept of wearing a wristwatch. (mods – please dont post the expected retorts like “women wear shoes too, so maybe we should wear shoes”).
The reason this happened only after Rav Elyasiv was nifter is because R’ Elyasiv disagreed with this psak, (as many of the pictures of him clearly show him wearing a wristwatch.
I also heard that R’ Nissen Korelitz Shlit”a said that the chazon is only meant “jewelry style” watches (even gold chosson watches) not simple watches. But Jewelry type watches are forbidden even if they are exclusively mens styles. [I have heard this but never confirmed it].May 9, 2017 6:06 pm at 6:06 pm in reply to: Do you believe you are right about everything you believe? #1273132
Rabbi Avigdor Miller Z”L was once asked “What do you think of certain groups of people who believe that only their beliefs are correct and only the way of life they chose is correct, and everyone who disagrees or acts differently is wrong?”
Rabbi Miller answered ” That is the way it should be!” if you believe something is right or you chose a way of life, hopefully you think that your beliefs are correct and your way of life is the correct way, and anyone who believes otherwise is incorrect!”May 9, 2017 5:38 pm at 5:38 pm in reply to: Raise your hand if you actually do fit perfectly in with the system 🙋 #1273122
I would like to start by complementing your honesty and maturity in not criticizing or ridiculing those who act differently than you, but rather admitting that you “simply don’t get it”. That’s exactly what the issue is here, you just don’t get it. I will try to clarify it in a way which I believe that since your goal is not to ridicule but to understand, you will be willing to hear and understand.
Did you ever walk into a supermarket or Walmart on a hot day and notice a (non undercover)policeman wearing shorts or jeans? Have you ever seen a soldier in the army shedding half his uniform just because he’s hot?
A person who is a member of the Torah community and recognizes the importance of not only complying with the halachos of Torah but also wearing the appropriate ‘uniform’ to keep up his Yeshivalike look will keep wearing the ‘full uniform’ including the hat, (which, from your comment about wearing a hat for Davening, it is clear that you can understand the idea of wearing a hat), even when it is hot.
takahmamash: The information is first hand!
My sister visited this past week and hats what happened.
HaLeiVi (and all others writing about past flights from a while back) The troubles started pretty recently because the airline is in very deep financial trouble, so old stories don’t show anything.
FLIGHT OF MONDAY DEC 22 2014 – NY-TEL AVIV
ONLY 10% !!!!! of the passengers received their luggage in Israel – All the rest of the luggage was left in Moscow!!
No-one was served kosher food on the Moscow-TLV flight- The airline claimed “We forgot to load the kosher orders!!”
What can happen next???
Decide for yourself!
COVER GROUND BEFORE GROUND COVERS YOU!
If someone wanted to rob a bank on shabbos, could he kill the bank guards and all the workers and customers with an automatic submachine gun, in order to make it easier for him to get the money? Would the gun be muktzah or is it called “kli shemalachto l’ssur letzorech gufo? [DISCUSSING HILCHOS MUKTZAH ONLY, not killing…]
What if someone refuses the challenge?
They have 24 hours to donate $100.00 to the foundation. You need to have someone take a video of it by saying what you are doing, then you nominate a few other people to do it then post it in social media so your friends can see it.
SO DO most people nominated do it, or donate the money? If they do it so the fund doesnt get the donation????
Before we take up our time with defining a lamdan, Does anyone even know of a source that it’s important to be a LAMDAN and not just learn with as much Hasmadah as one can??
Odom Harison was created bein hashemashos, so you wouldn’t even exist if He had.
I’m Sorry Reb Popa,
Would have been a good proof if only it were true but-
This is wrong!!! It is clearly stated in the Gemoro in Sanhedrin that Odaom Harishon was created ON EREV SHABBOS!
He even had children on the same day, and ate from the eitz hadaas and was sent out of Gan Eden ALL on YOM SHISHI!!
??????? ?? ?”?
?”? ????? ?? ????? ???? ???? ???? ??? ???? ??? ?????? ????? ????
???? ???? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ?????? ????? ?? ???? ?????? ??? ?? ????? ???? ??? ???? ?????? ??????? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ???? ???? ????? ????? ?????? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ????? ?????? ??? ??? ???? ????? ???? ???? ???? ???? ??
Halacha: 1. To Have betachon in “Hazon umefarnes lakol”. 2. To do Hishtadlus for parnassa.
Minhag: To Do minimum bitachon and Maximum hishtadlus.
Chumrah: To be extremely machmir in the chiyuv of hishtadlus and extremely meikel in the chiyuv of bitachon.
Shtus: To bash and berate anyone who chas vesholem is more pro bitachon then pro hishtadlus.
Please Pardon my being such an Am-Haretz, but
A newly married brisker was seen eating on a taanis, when his wife reminded him it was a taanis he said “In brisk wer’e machmir to worry about even a very far cheshash of pikuach nefesh”
When his wife sat down to join him, he said to her “In Brisk we hold that the wives don’t take on all the chumras”.
Who got to see the front and who got to see the back? Was that also a Ness that all the Jews got to read?
I’m not sure how the luchos were situated on har Sianai, all I said was that there ARE sources that clearly say that the luchos were on Har Sianai DURING MATAN TORAH. so as far as that point goes, the pictures are right!
As far as the question of reading goes, there is a medrash which explains the possuk “meezeh umeezeh heim kesuvim” to mean that the words of the luchos could be read from every and any angle which you looked at them, and although the writing was engraved trough and through from one side to the other, they were able to be read IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION from all sides. and Yes, this was a ness.
The original post said:
This is the point I was trying to bring out. Many people do not realize that this was all that what was received on shavuos. But there was no luchos sitting on the top of har sinai on shavuos as many pictures erroneously show.
This “kanous” agaist the norm was brought up this year by someone in one of the the frum Israeli newspapers, and after “going viral” finally some talmid chochom sent in a number of sources stating that THERE REALLY WERE LUCHOS ON HAR SINAI AT MATAN TORAH!!!
They were not brought down to am yisrael until later.
So calm down guys, just because someone thinks hes “shticky” by bashing something accepted by most of klal yisrael as true, doesn’t mean it is so.
Why bother proposing???
Just set up a date, and as soon as you see her say “I hereby pledge 1800- dollars to kupat Ha’ir, and will pledge another 1800- if I get engaged today!”
Before you get a chance to say “will you” you’ll find yourself
IMPORTANT! As soon as you’re married, ask her for her Daddy’s credit card and pay up your pledges immediately!
Whaaaaat??? You don’t beleive it??? Oy Vey! you’re mamish a koifer!!!
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal. As I answered it, I was greeted with, Is this Karl Brummer? Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who was calling. The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that. Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number. I then said off to the side, Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears. I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case. I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. I then told him we had located his position and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
TO ALL THOSE WHO SAID THAT SPENDING MONEY ON HAND MATZOH IS AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHER THINGS:
I personally asked Rav Chaim Kanievsky if buying “private chabura hand matzos” where certain hidurim (not chiyuvim)are kept, is allowed, even though the expense is very difficult for me in my financial situation.
He answered me: The Torah promised us in the gemoro that expenses paid for the sake of yom-tov are added to the regular budget, so it is NEVER at the expense of your family budget.
For the first and third parts of the original post: How is it possible the Sanhedrin knew all 70 languages?… Was it in any way bittul torah?
I will answer both with 1 answer. the Sanhedrin knew EVERYTHING they knew DIRECTLY FROM THE TORAH ITSELF.
The seforim say (I don’t recall exact sources)that ALL languages originated from LOSHON HAKODESH, thus the sanhedrin who had extremely Broad and deep in-site into the Torah, which is the original source of Losshon hakodesh, were able to learn other languages from this too. Hence, how they knew the languages, and no bitul Torah involved.
SHMOEL wrote: So I can go around mumbling all day “A pen is muktsa on Shabbos”, and I’m mekuyim the mitzva of Talmud Torah at least as well as any Kollel guy??
The Gr”a says that Bitul Torah of “EICHUS” – quality, is also considered Bitul torah, meaning that if one who can learn on a higher level and is satisfied with a lower level it is considered bitul torah. so 1)if you can do better than just mumble these things, you are obligated to do so during those times when you can. I was refering to times when it’s too difficult to learn with a sefer as regular learning, one can still get the mitzva and schar for torah by saying these halachos. It is anyway better to learn on ANY level no matter how low, rather than spend those minutes not learning at all. 2) You asked if its “as good as any kolel guy” – Of course learning with more “Ameilus” is better than just mumbeling some basics but- Hashem demands of a person to do the best he can in any mitzvah, so if that’s the best you can do, then, YES you are as good as any kolel guy, and even better if the kolel guy is NOT doing his best and you are. If neither of you are doing his best, then the judgement is based on what percentage of your capability you acomplished. BUT, this is all in regard to the question of what you DID NOT learn, but nevertheless ANY type of learning, regardless of what you could or should have done, still receives the schar for learning torah. So, as mentioned before, it is by all means better for ANYONE to just say basic halachos of brochos and shabbos, rather not not to learn at all.
I once heard that since there is a mitva to learn torah whenever possible, and not everyone can learn gemara or things like that while walking or doing work etc, a good idea wouild be to say softly to yourself – or at least think- in English- simple everyday basic halachos – like “on fruit you say borei pri haetz, on vegetables Haadomo, on water shehakol, on wine hagofen, on bread hamotzi, on a trip tfilas haderech, after bathroom asher yatsar” etc. and this is considered learning because its saying the halachos. You can also say things like – money is muktsa on shabbos, a pen is also and so is a computer. Its ossur to cook and to turn lights on on shabbos. All these very basic halachos are considered 100% mitsva of learning Torah and every minute spent saying these things is “Talmud Torah keneked kulam”.
It definitely is “Neecha Lei” because if the compressor didn’t work more when the hot air entered the room the AC would not cool off the room’ and the whole point of having the AC is to cool off the room so he surely wants it to work the way it should! so the problem still remains.
answer: TZERUYA = MOTHER of Yoav ben Tzeruya [yes! tzeruya was the MOTHER of Yoav not his father – he was called with his mother’s name because she was the sister of DOVID HYAMELECH
I asked before – WHO WAS THE SISTER OF DOVID HAMELECH??
THE REASON GIVEN BY THE CHASAM SOFER FOR WOMAN/GIRLS NOT LIGHTING:
Since the original takonoh was to light OUTSIDE, and there is a rule that “KOL KEVUDAH BAS MELECH PENIMAH” A woman should not do something which is done outside for the purpose of Pirsuam because it lacks tznius. Although today many people dont light outside THE ORIGINAL TAKONO WAS NOT MADE FOR WOMEN AND GIRLS TO BY THEMSELVES BUT RATHER BE YOTZE FROM THE FATHER/HUSBAND.
The Satmer Rebbe Zatzal added to this that since part of the gezeira of the goyim of the chanuka story concerned woman “going outside” of thier family structure, (He probably was reffering to the gezeira of “tebael lehegmon techila” -ootc-) therefore at the time of the pirsum haness we purposely show the emphasis of family structure of the women/girls and have them not light independently but rather be yotze with thier father/husband.
Question: WHO WAS THE SISTER OF DOVID HAMELECH??
Before traveling to USA for Pesach with Israeli born 6 yr old, Tati explained to him all about how in America they have 2 days of Yom tov with 2 seder nights etc. After his first shabbos there, before going to shul on Motse Shabbos, he overheard thier host asking if we had said kiddush Levono yet, since they will probably do it after shul tonight. The 7 year old said to his father “Right Tatti?- in America they make kidush tonight also because “THEY KEEP 2 DAYS?????”
It’s mamiSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH ssssssssssssssooooooooooo unbelieveable!!!! That YeSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSShiva world is soooooooooooo involve in sssssssssssssssssssssssuch
If yur not SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHliuffing you should be all
SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHvitzing and SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHtinging away in the
Toksook Bay [a city in Alaska]February 28, 2011 9:47 am at 9:47 am in reply to: China or Glass Dishes used for Mishloach Manos- need Toiveling? #1014147
The rav came up with a brilliant solution: In my case, it was a set of six glasses. He said I should (with permission of the store owner), switch each one the glasses in the toveled set with one of the glasses in another set. That way, anyone buying any set will have a majority of glasses which need tevilla and thus will not make a brocho levatala when toveling them.
There is no problem here of bitul issur lechatchila since there is no issur to tovel a dish which was already toveled, and although it is ossur to make a brocho when doing so, but this would not be called an issur on the item, just a general issur of brocho levatolo.
A question could be asked in an opposite case, where one had a majority of kelim which WERE already toveled and he intentionally mixed in one which was not yet toveled, would this be called mevatel issur lechatchila?
On the other hand, the bitul would not work to permit the use of the Keilim w/o tevilla. This is based on the Oneg Yomtov who writes that if tzitzis that were not made lishmo got mixed up with a rov of tzitis that were made lishmo, the non-lishmo tzizis would not be butel, since bitul only works for ISSUR to make it muttar, but CANNOT add a POSITIVE status to something, Therefore the non lishmo tzitis could not get the status of lishmo through bitul.
The same would be with keilim which were not toveled, since as we said before, the need for tevila is not an issur but a mitzvah, the non toveled dishes could not get a toveled status through bitul.
.February 28, 2011 9:45 am at 9:45 am in reply to: China or Glass Dishes used for Mishloach Manos- need Toiveling? #1014146
It is claearly written in the halacha that putting a food into/onto a dish /cup/tray/platter etc which were not toveled does NOT cause the food to be forbidden to eat.
There is a mistake among many (probably resulting from the halacha mentioned above)that one may use something one time before doing tevilah. This is not so!! If the food is ALREADY in the dish it may be eaten – no difference if the first time or any time afterward- but it is forbidden to use a dish even once before tevila.
A dish which is used generally only once and then disposed of, or something not generally used for food use, ex: cutting food with a utility knife, then no tevila is needed.
Concerning dishes not used by the original owner or things packaged for selling, there is a machlokes who is obligated to tovel it as stated above.
I was given the idea by a posek, when I want to give a dish tray etc. for a gift, I should tovel it and put a small amount of clean dry) food on it FOR MY OWN USE, and then wrap and give the gift. (This won’t work for dish(es)given in original wrappings, or for a large set of dishes which is not practical to “use” every piece).
Reminder: If one DID tovel a dish before giving away, the sender should notify the receipient that it was toveled so as not to cause a brocho levatala when it will be toveled again.
PS Glass needs tevila with a brocho, concerning china dishes there is a question in Halacha, (also different types may have different halacha), and therefore they should be toveled together with other things which need a brocho or toveled w/o saying a brocho.
“CharlieHall” commented on the comment of “One of the Chevra” by saying:
(one of the chevra said) According to the halacha one must rebuke someone for doing something wrong… “
(CharlieHall said) According to the halachah you are FORBIDDEN to rebuke someone if it will drive them away from yiddishkeit. Very few of us have the sensitivity to give a proper rebuke to a non-observant Jew.
ONE OF THE CHEVRA RESPONDS:
It’s obvious that you did not read my comment carefully.
I was originally referring to rebuking someone whom you know will not listen, not to someone who will be turned away from Yidishkeit.I AGREED with you that it must be done in a correct manner, and Later on I very clearly also referred to your issue when I wrote: “If done correctly, with the correct amount of sensitivity and expression of love to all Jews, it will not only not “distance” the offender from Yidishkiet but may, if not immediately, maybe later on, actually have a positive effect”.
Concerning the other comments about coming to shul with a car being a “step forward”: that can be compared to a person who was invited to attend a royal banquet in honor of the king and he comes driving right into the center of the ballroom and rams the head table with his car. “Well at least I came to the banquet this time, that’s a step forward” he says.
Sorry people!! Ramming the shabbos with your car especially when coming to the palace of the king (the shul) is NOT a step forward!
We do not do Hashem any favor by keeping His mitvos through transgressing chilul shabbos. Any and EVERY competent rov would surely say: If you live to far from the shul to walk STAY HOME!! and guess what you will be rewarded greatly from Hashem for staying home
May we all be zoche to be mekarev as many yidden back to Hashem as possible with love and sensitivity, but most important of all, in the way which Hashem and the Torah guide us to, and not by the guidelines of our own “feelings”.
aries2756 wrote: “You can’t tell them not to come…”
According to the halacha one must rebuke someone for doing something wrong if what they are doing is an issur d’oraisa, (a prohibition by the torah) even if they know that the person may not listen to the rebuke. The fact that the transgressor may be trying to get a taste of shul or Judaism or beginning the tushuvah process is not a justifiable reason to ignore public chilul shabbos.
Of course one should carefully plan the method and wording of this rebuke so as to accomplish the most possible effect. If done correctly, with the correct amount of sensitivity and expression of love to all Jews, it will not only not “distance” the offender from Yidishkiet but may, if not immediately, maybe later on, actually have a positive effect.
May we be zoche to see all of our lost brethren returning to the ways of Hashem with shmiras Shabbos and keeping all the Mitzvos properly.
MYTAKE responded to my comment: “If Hashem wanted to, He could of just made it a halacha that women can only wear black”.
It seems you missed my point! If there would be a halacha that all women must wear only black many women would have a problem with it, because it’s a halacha and it brings with it a yezer hara of difficulty. Instead, Hashem did us the favor to make it the style that everyone should wear black so that most people should be comfortable doing so. Maybe it’s part of His way of making it easier for us to do what’s right.
I want to suggest another angle to the “everyone’s wearing black” issue.
Some of the comments insinuated (or said so outright) that when everyone wears black you lose your identity, noone can “notice” how special you look, and different variations of this idea.
I ask, Isn’t one of the points in tznius that a woman/girl should not “stand out” in public? It’s not only the idea of tempting other men, [Don’t even start with the “who asked them to look” stupidity!!!~ because everyone with sense knows that that’s a rediculous argument, both halachiclaly and naturaly), but it’s a part of the midah of tznious itself that a woman should not want to stand out among others.
Before the “everyone wears black” style came around, women/girls had an issue with deciding how much is called standing out too much and how much is just called dressed stylishly for a wedding. There were many discussions and nisyonos in this field, and many different “opinions” as the women/girls dealt with the question of tznious vs. “with it” vs. “nebby” or farfrumt etc.
Now lets look at the bright side (yes,believe it or not, all black can have a “bright” side too)now that the style/trend has decided that even everyone wearing black is stylish and with it and trendy, maybe it’s a favor from Hashem to help us have less of an “identity issue” and less of a nisayon , WHY SHOULD WE FIGHT IT?? You can finally look with-it and stylish and not have to deal with the problem of standing out too much in public.
I’m not saying that this solves the whole tznious problem, because “wearing what everyone else wears” just because that’s what’s “in” has its own questions in the tznious picture, but in response to the question of not standing out I think that Hashem might have made things a little easier for his dear children here.
~Just something to think about~
my kids use all the strange words, and I’m like What???? 🙂
I think this thread is one of the oldest ever posted: It goes back about 1900 years to the time of the Gemoro in the name of the Nevi’im.
See Gemoro Makos 24A:
YESHAYA, then came and reduced them to SIX [33. 15]…
MICHA, came and reduced them to THREE[6. 8]: “He hath told thee, O man, what is good; and what the Lord doth re quire of thee: (nothing) but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with thy God.” “To do justice” means judgment; “love kindness” bestowing of favors; and “walk humbly,” providing for burial of the dead and marriage of poor maidens.
YESHAYA again reduced them to TWO…
AMOS then came and reduced them to ONE [5. 4]: “Seek ye for me, and ye shall live.”
(So if your’e looking for THREE, then your’e stuck at the point of MICHA,…not too bad I guess).December 13, 2010 7:21 am at 7:21 am in reply to: My new "shtick" that Im trying to get others into… #716910
There is a known story about Rav Mordechai Schwab Zatz”l of Monsey. He was once walking to Yeshiva with two talmidim, one of who would walk with him often and one who it was his first time. When they past a certain point on the way, Rav Schwab,said With his usual smile and warm expression,”Good morning”. Not noticing anyone there,the newcomer quietly asked the usual one, “To whom did the Mashgiach just say good morning??”
He answered, “There is usualy an elderly woman standing at that spot waiting for someone, at the time the Mashgiach passes there. He made it a practice to say good morning to her every day, but since he was makpid on “Shmiras Haeinayim” he did not notice that today she was not there!, so he just said his usual warm heart-felt Good morning, when he reached the spot where she usualy waits, and continued on his way!!!
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Dear Smatz, I empathise with you, in your feeling that you can’t kvetch to family members. Surely,when a person feels that not even those close to him/her (btw not sure if u are m or f) are “there to listen” it makes thier problem all that much worse. But let us always remember that as far as “kvetching” goes a yid ALWAYS has Someone very close to him who he/she can always kvetch to. Hashem is always available to give us a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on [so-to-speak]. looking for stress relief?? Try a good heart rending cry to “Tatte in Himmel” (father in heaven), while picturing Him as just that, your warm loving Tatte who is always there to listen and share in all your troubles. You won’t believe how relieved you can feel after such a “release”.
May you never need to kvetch from stress or from anything else again! and we hope to see you post the good news of your finding your bashert very soon.November 1, 2010 5:06 am at 5:06 am in reply to: Some basic Halacha that is ignored in 100% of shuls by 99% of the Kahal #708696
Concerning Kissing in a shul – I once heared that the Brisker Rav Zt”l pointed out that since this halacha is brought in “Hilchos Tefilla” and not in “Hilchos Beis Hakneses” this proves that the problem has to do with kissing DURING DAVENING, not with kissing in shul. Based on this, it is not forbidden to kiss in a shul while davening is not going on.
Although I heared that some poskim disagree with this psak, This can be a limud zechus for kissing at a simcha, bar mitzvah etc. which takes place in shul since there is no davening going one at that moment, (there’s usualy a break for the people to say mazel tov). This works especialy for a Bris which takes place after the davening is over.(Zaidy, just make sure you hold your kisses for after “oleinu” which comes after the bris, and at the bar mitzva make sure to kiss quickly before they re-start the davening).
(So you guys always thought that BRISK = CHUMRA – well here you got it – a “Brisker Kula!”)
The original poster wrote: “let us make this “ahavas chiunam” – the love we have for each other…
Rav Shlomo Volbe zatza”l said that the term “AHAVAS CHINAM” is a mistaken misquote! it is a takeoff of what chazal call “sinas chinam” but while sinah – hatred can be “chinam”- for nothing – which means without a reason enough to hate another jew, AHAVAH on the otherhand is NEVER chinam, especialy for a jew, just the fact that he is part of the am hanivchar Hashem’s chosen children is more than plenty of a reason to love him.
Our problem is that we think that the Ahavah is chinam and therefore have a hard time with it.
I once heard a great point: The Rambam teaches two sets of rules for husband – wife relationship.
1)(hilchos ishus 15,19) A man should honor his wife more than himself, and he should love her like he loves himself. If he has money he should give her lots of good etc… (see source).
2)One halacha later the Rambam writes: the woman should honor her husband more than enough… she should act according to his saying…He should be in her eyes like a king or a minister to do as he desires and keep away from what he dislikes…etc.
A great person once said: The first set of rules are FOR MEN ONLY! The woman should not be waving them in front of her husband to get him to act this way,The second set are FOR WOMEN ONLY,not for the man to demand this from his wife.
The same can be said of many issues about which way a man or woman should be/or should not be acting. Many of the rules are meant to be learned by those they are relevant to, and not that each side is a “bokey and chochom well learned and all fired up in what the other paty must do, and with his/her own obligations he/she remains a total ignoramus.
similar point with “ending off syndrome”: did you ever notice that when people use a bentcher for bentching, the will most ofte close the bentcher before the end, like when the get up to “yiru”.
is the end of bentching a “second class citizen” that it doesn’t deserve the kavanah of saying it from a bentcher.
Same idea: oleinu (or whatever is the end of davening for you) while walking toward the door of the shul, or finishing up the folding of you tallis or putting away your tefillin.
It’s not fair that these parts of davening/bentching should’nt get the same attention as the rest just because they are at the end.
I once heard that R’ Moshe Feinstein Zatza”l said that he thanks Hashem every day when he wakes up not only for letting him wake up (modeh ani- shehechzarto bee nishmosi), but also for letting him fall asleep right away. He added that as long as he can remember he was blessed with the ability to fall asleep as soon as he lay down.
The brocho of “Hamapil” is exactly for that! Thanking Hashem for making you fall asleep! [Maybe Hamapil is like a “brocho rishona” (brocho before eating), and thanking Hashem in the morning for the sleep is like a “Brocha Achrona” (like bentching, borei nefoshos, al hamichya etc.).
Try saying Hamapil with kavanah! (don’t worry about not being able to talk after hamapil if you don’t fall asleep, there are those who hold that if you tried to sleep and can’t it’s not a brocho levatala and you can talk).
If we show Hashem that we appreciate it then he might give us the ability to sleep better, like in the case of R’ Moshe.
Good luck, and sleep well!
OOMIS 1105 WROTE: “Does anyone really think it is polite to invite someone to get dressed for a simcha, come all the way down for the K”P and chuppah, then GO HOME (not invited to dinner, obviously) and RETURN HOURS LATER to dance the second round of dancing???????????”
I’m sorry to say, you TOTALY missed the point! The reason people write the KB time and then the “simchas choson v’kala time” (for those they’re not able to invite for the whole affair) is to make it EASIER for the person invited. It means that he has the option to choose between attending the KP and chupah or to come later for the simchas CK, dancing etc. it was not meant to make them come early and then go home and then come back again, (unless they want to).
Another point: The main problem in this whole issue seems to be one of selfishness and getting all offended about “why was I not invited for the meal” etc.
When people are really friends and thier intentions are truly for the purpose of sharing in someones simcha they understand that the people making the wedding can’t invite everyone for the meal but still feel that they would like to have you share thier simcha with them, so they invite you for the chuppa or the dancing whichever is MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU, and hopefully they too will understand that if for whatever reason it is that you are only able to stay for a short time, they WILL NOT BE OFFENDED and will appreciate that you made the effort to come and take part in thier simcha.
I think we should cut out all the childish selfish games of “He didn’t invite me I’m not inviting him, he didnt come to mine I’m not going to his” etc. and just try to understand each others situations and act accordingly.
We should all have only simchas always!
A comment to the original post: The Brisker Rov Zatzal used to say “I never criticize people I only criticize actions” so it’s like you said, the issues raised are not meant (or should not be meant) to criticize anyone either personally or as a group, and therefore are not “loshon horah on klal yisroel” or on anyone for that matter, and don’t even go into the discussion of don lekaf zechus because we are not discussing those who do it rather the issue itself.
Thus there is no reason for anyone to get offended either.