oomis

NOMTW said:”Making the most of what hashem gave us does not fall under the umbrella of PLASTIC SURGERY. That is called “Hashem I don’t like what you gave me and therefore I’m going to change it”.

I respectfully disagree. Sometimes plastic surgery is the ONLY avenue to correct a physical stumbling block. By your own logic, NO parent should ever get orthodonture for their kids (what – you don’t LIKE crooked teeth???), no one should ever see a dermatologist, no one should go to the doctor (because Hashem gave us the source of infection, so why be immunized against anything?), and on and on.

Hashem gave us people who possess the chochmah and artistic talent to be able to correct these problems, because part of our life is to work on ourselves, as we are not created to be perfect from the outset. Sometimes working on ourselves is not strictly a spiritual journey. Correcting physical problems(deviated septum, cleft palate, clubfoot?)is under the purview of making our hishtadlus to look and be healthier.

Why is it that when the effort is needed to enhance PHYSICAL appearance, people look askance at the notion, as if that is an aveira of some type? I personally do not advocate for plastic surgery of any kind – I think there are risks in any elective surgery. But to enhance a girl’s self-esteem and make her more appealing to the eye, should not even be a question. I am not saying it is a GOOD thing that this has become necessary at times. I am saying that we need to be realistic and understand that the competition for shidduchim is fierce, and a girl (or guy) needs to use the resources available to (like trying to sell a house) have better “curb appeal.” (Don’t shoot the messenger, folks).

Yes

I read that article, and I am surprised at some of the negative reactions. While in the ideal world, boys AND girls would get engaged and married easily without any problems, based solely on internal maalos, the fact is we live in a not so ideal world of gashmius (and gashmius is also an important component of life or Hashem would not have made things appeal to us aesthetically). In that real world, people have to feel some sort of atttraction to each other. If a girl is naturally gorgeous, she will be attractive (physically) to lots of people. Hopefully her middos would match her external appearance, as well.

But when a girl is NOT so gorgeous, maybe just average-looking, or even objectively UNattractive, then she should be making every possible effort to enhance her appearance, so she at least can level the playing field and have a chance to meet those guys, so they can get to know her personality. I do agree it was appalling that the MOTHERS were meeting these girls. There should be a meeting of boys and girls with each other. Otherwise, let the girls’ mothers meet the boys at that same type of event. What’s good for the goose…

The author was very brave and candid in speaking about her personal experience. Far from being derogated, she should be thanked for being so open about herself. I doubt that was an easy admission.

And if getting a nose job, teeth capped/whitenened, hair straightened, getting lap-banded, whatever it takes to make a woman more objectively attractive, is needed and WORKS in getting her married (especially in her 40s), then who are we to say we are upset with that? Better to be upset with a system that encourages girls to become anorexic in their quest to be size zeroes, to please some mother whose son should not even KNOW what a girl’s dress size means. Better to be upset that so many wonderful girls are being taught that it is untzniusdig to be concerned with enhancing their appearance when they clearly are in need of some help in that area. We cannot change the desire for someone to be attracted to his spouse, and he is SUPPOSED to be (certainly not to someone else’s spouse, chalilah). Hashem put that yetzer in us for a reason. But we can and should encourage girls to make the most of what Hashem has given them. That doesn’t mean going overboard, but a little lipstick, blush, mascara, and other cosmetics to cover up acne scars, discolorations, etc. are a good thing. Carefully applied makeup is not the enemy, (especially when you are trying to catch the eye of some boy’s mother).

The author was right on target, IMHO. Didn’t she used to write for the JP years ago, btw???

B”DHE

Finger foods are meant to be eaten with fingers. Do you cut up your sandwiches, too? No one should sit at the dinner table and eat like a behaima, but common sense needs to prevail also… Some foods are meant to be eaten when held in the hand. Pizza included, unless it is so unwieldy, drippy, and bulky that it makes more sense to use a knife and fork. I have had pizza served in the same place, where I once had to eat it that way. Same pizza, same size and shape slice, but more difficult to handle for some reason, that day. The cheese was more gooey.

MorahRach is right. It is not worth the consequences to speed. Unless you are on your way to the ER (and speeding WILL get you there eventually, one way or the other), what on earth are you in such a hurry for? So you get somewhere 5-10 minutes later????

Not true about 10 MPH. If a cop wants to give you a ticket, he will pull you over and ticket you for even ONE mile over the limit. My son’s first ticket was for driving less than 5 MPH over the limit. We know the speed, because the car was a clunker that rattled (and sounded like ti would fall apart) if he drove over 35 MPH. He was in a 30 zone and the car was not rattling, when he was pulled over. He was shocked to get a speeding ticket. The cop was not interested in hearing about the car’s “speed alarm” system.

“The Wizard of Oz” is a very popular movie among the toeva folks. I do not know whether that makes it assur, but it is a curiosity that deserves attention. “

From what I have read and heard, that is because there are men who dress up as famous women and perform in night club acts that cater to this particular predilection, and they like to do their impressions of Judy Garland.

I am delighted to report that I have been really good this week, after my carb watching going to you-know-where on Purim and Shabbos. The idea is that we can fall, but get right up again and start fresh. Kind of like doing teshuva, don’t you think?

I loved it, think it is totally appropriate (though the flying monkeys and the witch can be a little scary for a very young child), and it teaches a great lesson about not looking for something else that’s out there, when you have a wonderful life if you would only appreciate what you’ve got.

And it certainly doesn’t apply here. Is it ok for a ffb to want to be not religious and we say, oh, no problem, at least you remain a Jew since the goyim will still consider you a Jew.”

Of course it’s not – but my point is that no matter how much we want ALL Jews to be Torah-observant, we cannot eve abandon any Jew for not being religious, and the world will not care one way or the other if he is Shomer Torah u’mitzvos. They will just see the horns.

I posted this twice, as it bears repetition. I would also add, that a Jew who does not wear a kippah at all (if male) OR bensch licht and go to mikveh (if married) and female, or keep Shabbos and kosher, is STILL a Jew. The non-Jews don’t care if those Jews are affililated or disenfranchised. All they see is _____ Jew!

all at NO cost to them….”

If they have to pay money upfront, how does that mean at no cost to them?

As far as comments made about teachers seeing only certain things about you go, I have received wonderful references for various reasons from teachers who barely know me.”

There you go. No one wants to say negative things about someone who is proposed as a shidduch, and bear the achrayus of messing things up for that person. No one wants to say L”H. No family friend wants it to get back to the parents of the prospective shidduch, that they spoke badly of that person’s child, even if it were warranted.

Is this Purim Torah again? (Actually was an intersting question)…

My issue with all the so-called research (and what is this anyway, a shidduch or a term paper?) is that it does not necessarily turn up important inyanim. Rabbanim see congregants, not the individual young man or woman, unless they have a personal close kesher. Rebbeim see “best boys,” (read: good learners)and mechanchos see girls with a specific aspect of that person’s personality and character, and often serious flaws can be hidden, because they relate to interpersonal relationships that manifest themselves with someone who is NOT a chaver or rebbe.

Family members often only see what they want to see in their son or daughter, and honestly, I cannot fault them for that. However, a girl I know was redt a shidduch by the sister of a young man. The girl was very pesistent,and the other girl didn’t want to hurt her feelings by continuing to make excuses not to go out with him. When he came to pick her up, it was abundantly clear to her and to anyone with eyes and ears, that this young man was borderline developmentally challenged. A loving family might not want to acknowledge that fact to themselves, and I doubt anyone who is a friend or a rov of theirs would be willing to be brutally honest about that to a stranger. The vetting process is deeply flawed by its very design. The very people whom one names as their references, are close enough to them to presumably ONLY speak their praises.

How many times have I been called as a “reference” for someone (another term which bothers me – it ain’t a job interview), often unexpectedly, and been put on the spot, because I know of something that could be an issue, but it’s my friend’s child and I am not going to be responsible for shterring a shidduch.

I believe that time spent in someone’s company on a regular and continuous basis, has more of a chance of uncovering certain issues, though not all,to be sure. And some people are VERY clever at hiding their true personalities until it is too late.

I consider myself slightly to the right of MO. I guess more MO machmir. I hate labels. I think that many people on this forum have a very skewed idea of what MO means. A person is either a shomer mitzvos or not. Some of us are mroe makpid in certain mitzvos, and some of us (even the vey Yeshivish) are not as makpid in other mitzvos.

I see the division in this way – the so-called MO seem to be thought of as less frum in mitzvos bein adam laMakom, while the chareidi are perceived as deficient in mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro (please note – I am saying it is a PERCEPTION, not that chareidi or otherwise very frum yidden are not makpid to be good to other Jews). The MO are accused of being less tzniusdig ( I don’t know, my friends and I try very hard to always dress b’tznius and act properly), and the right-wing are often the ones that are caught in government financial fraud of some type. These things DO happen on both sides and across the spectrum.

IMHO, it is time for Jews to STOP being so quickly and harshly judgmental and labeling everyone else in what ultimately is a negative way. BE concerned with how YOU act and what YOU do, and help be mechazeik other Jews whom you perceive as lacking in their avoda, by acting in such a way as to encourage them to want to emulate those qualities that are so important. Also recognize that not everything you do is asked of us by Hashem, and that all Yidden who do what Hashem’s Ratzon is, are frum,e ven when they fulfill that Ratzon with fewer chumros and minhagim than your own.

I am optimistic that I am not a pessimist. I see the glass half full. With good wine. Waiting for me. And I have time to drink it slowly. AND I won’t gain weight from it.

I believe he was an anti-Semite. The characterization of Shylock was over the top davka because he had baseless hatred for Jews and was feeding into the prevailing bigotry. I don’t see any zechus in his works (though admittedly I LOVE his plays), and I think it is naive to paint him as a “tzaddik” who was only trying to show racists up for what they were. English non-Jews were not that noble when it came to Jews.

Only if you are Julius Caesar….

If one grows up with the mindset that ONLY white shirts are choshuv, that is what one will believe. If one goes to a Yeshivah which indoctrinates its students in that philosophy, that is what those students will believe. The Yeshivas have that right, and parents have that right to teach that to their children. there are valid points to be made for this. What NEITHER has the right to do however, is to imply or in many cases to actually assert that those who do not attire themselves in this fashion, are somehow less frum because of that.

Get that kid physically active and moving every day. Take him/her for long walks, play golf (mini),learn karate or tae kwan do, ladies can join a dance class with their daughters. Set a good example by preparing and serving healthy meals, and sit down at the table together. Keep healthy snacks of all types in the house. Baked vegetable or fruti chips, with no sugar added, or cut up veggies or salads should always be available when they get the munchies. No and I mean NO soda or so-called energy drinks in the house, with a possible exception of SOLELY for Shabbos (and even then make smart lo-cal choices. Plain bottled water should be drunk frequently. Juice is not a great idea, it is loaded with calories and sugar. Eating the fruit itself is a better idea, plus you get the fiber. Then do not be a hypocrite even if you are slim. Let your child see that what is good for him/her is good for you.

It’s not that you should not accept a gift, rather you should not be the kind of person who always looks to get them from others. It’s better to give than to receive…

It’s a pity, because quinoa is a perfect food, high in protein, low in carbs, and really DOES satisfy as a substitute for rice, as a side dish. I didn’t liek it the first time I had it, but I have acquired the taste for it.