Forum Replies Created
Edut ha’mizrah shaharit takes longer on days with kriah – thank G-d there was a minyan and torah.
Shabbat davening same place as weekday shaharit – Chabad providing sefer Torah, tefilah only, no meals.
Bump – does anyone know where the B&H minyan (or other) is?
thanks . . .
– when you eat breakfast and lunch the day of chasuna, instead of “fasting” so you can make the most of the meal (nearly 20 years later, I still eat lightly the day of a chasuna or shul dinner)
– when being tired overtakes the desire to eat chulent Friday night
– when you ask young bochurim home during bein ha’zmanim, “What are you learning,” and then reminisce about what you learned, and when you learned it
– when you realize that the boys in yeshiva with whom you ate Shabbos lunch are now the shoel u’mashiv and magidei shiur, and you just have a regular job
– when you really “get” what people write in the haskomos of their seforim, that without their wives, the learning would not have been possible; when you understand when the rov says the rebbetzin has enabled him to do what he does
1. only the “leader” of the seder wears a kittel
2. no one “gets up” to wash – water is brought to the table for everyone
To not date in the rain? Interesting question. Assuming you’re talking about a standard rainshower and not a monsoon, I’ll ask: did you stay home from work when it rained? Did you not go to shul when it rained? Do you think someone who is reluctant to step out in the rain for a date is truly in the parsha for tachlis dating? It rains, it snows, etc. No one expects you to be the postman, but come on, you won’t melt.
my chulent hits its prime at about 11:30 pm. I raid the pot at 11:00 and defer utter Shabbos bliss until lunch the next day.
How to get your child to wear a bike helmet: take him to the hospital to visit cranial injury patients. Kind of like introducing kids who think it’s cool to smoke to lung cancer patients. Or kids who pooh-pooh sunblock to skin cancer patients.
Mean? Yes. Effective? More effective than talk.
You’re the adult. Assume the role responsibly.
I usually dispense a meaningful gift at this time of year; I do not call it an x-mas gift. Rather, I offer it with wishes for a healthful new year (it is a new year on the civil calendar, of course).
I do this for several reasons: (1) it is no different than an end-of-the-year performance bonus, similar to what many employers offer; (2) most of the folks to whom we give these gifts are in service-oriented jobs that do not carry high-wages – a cash gift, or a gift card, or even a gift basket of food, can be well appreciated; (3) I do appreciate the folks to whom we offer these “new year” gifts – whether it is the super, or the cleaning lady, or the baby-sitter, these are folks who are good to us, caring for our apartment, our children, and keeping any eye out on our behalf year-round. Why would I not offer a token of appreciation? I acknowledge that the timing might be problematic, but that is why we usually offer it at Thanksgiving and explain that it is new year’s gift offered early in recognition of various seasonal expenses they might be facing.
The boys wearing “brim down” hats, a/k/a fedoras, with the brim up look like idiots. Sorry, but that’s the fact. It’s the same with the people who leave the designer label on the outside sleeve of their suit jacket or top-coat – those labels are intended to be removed after purchase – it’s not like the Levi’s tab on the back pocket of your dungarees.
You want to wear your brim up, wear a homburg.December 7, 2010 3:51 pm at 3:51 pm in reply to: Kosher Activities For Teenage Girls On Motzei Shabbos #885555
I agree with mamashtakeh – the premise of your inquiry reveals your ignorance. What makes you think that teenage girls have any inherent right to have fun?
Seriously – there is not just “one” fun thing to do – there are many fun, and safe, and tznius, things to do – you need not do the same thing every week, mix them up –
1. ice skating
2. rent a movie (plenty of appropriate fare out there)
3. get a board game or similar (Apples to Apples, Would You Rather, Pictionary)
4. get a pizza and meet at someone’s house for 2 or 3, above
5. go to someone’s house and make your own pizza
6. go for ice cream
7. call the local social services agency and be a “big sister” for a kid on a Saturday – I’ll bet a ton of service agencies would be glad to find some mature, level-headed young ladies to be a “big sister” for pizza and games on a Sat nite
this is not an exhaustive list – but the important thing is to maintain your committment to “kosher” fun, and to be safe while doing so
Bagels are not fully cooked after boiling; the baking “completes” the bagel. Just go to your neighborhood bagel shop and ask for a boiled bagel, before it has been baked.November 29, 2010 10:08 pm at 10:08 pm in reply to: How important in loyalty when it comes to a shidduch? #714126
“When I say ‘lukewarm’ I mean relative to the fact that his first choice was the shidduch he was after to begin with.”
I understand – but, part of emotional maturity is letting go of the unattainable and moving on.
A young man should not be on the verge of marriage while he still wishes that he would be seeing a different girl under the chupah.
It is OK to say, “I would have preferred a girl who bakes better cakes,” or “I would have preferred a girl who can carry a tune.” But the proper approach is to recognize that his kallah burns toast, or sings like a dying frog, and to then say, “This is the person, with all of her quirks and faults, with whom I want to build a home.”
Not to stand there and glance backwards to see if #1 will burst through the door exclaiming, “I’m here!”November 29, 2010 9:05 pm at 9:05 pm in reply to: How important in loyalty when it comes to a shidduch? #714119
If you were only “lukewarm” about the second, you should not have been proposing. Forget about not being fair to you, it’s not fair to the girl.
How do expect to maintain a marriage if you’re only “lukewarm” and there while your pining after someone else?
If that’s the case, work it out before you drag someone into your emotional morass.
I had similar qualms about celebrating Thanksgiving, but then I saw so many kosher turkeys in my grocer’s freezer, I figured, if the hashgochos are approving such an increase in turkey production prior to Thanksgiving, they must de facto approve of the holiday.
Can’t wait to tuck into some turkey and cornbread stuffing!
Wolf: It horrifies me. It terrifies me. One day, we will have potential machatanim as Shabbos guests; such is the social climate in which we exist, that before an engagement is announced, the machatanim spend Shabbos together. And my potential machateinister will spy my husband blending his concoction and stop the shidduch immediately.
This horrifies me to no end, but my husband often takes the leftover gefilte fish, some herring, and horseradish, and blends it in the food processor to make a “shmear” that he then spreads across either challah or matzoh with some mayo. Very often, he’ll have a very strong cup of black coffee with it, and if we are not going out that evening, he’ll pour some whiskey into the coffee, as well.
My children are ashamed to have their friends visit on motzei Shabbos. Mu husband’s cheshbon is that the flavors taste well together, but that on Shabbos he cannot mash or blend them sufficiently.
I had a clear, logical sign that had nothing to do with the heart.
All the times I dated, I came to the girl’s home and met her parents. The mothers were very often gracious and nice, the fathers more skeptical.
It was raining the evening of my first date with my wife. I rang the bell, and a younger girl invited me inside while she called for her sister. As I was stepping forward to close the front door behind, my date’s mother came from the kitchen, looked at my soaking shoes, and snapped, “Unless you’re going to pay for the carpet cleaner, you can either stay where you are or take off your shoes.”
At that moment, I knew that I had met my mother-in-law.
Well, I’m glad that BP Totty broke the fence on this one, because now I can tell you all about a great deal on sweet and salty pork rinds . . .
Really – for those who abhor the thought of a girl riding a bike, can you envision that there may be times and places where it can be done in a way that meets your standards?
Twisted – thank you – I never considered possible trauma to the back of the k’laf by using the bima edge as a fulcrum
alternative to unrolling after the sefer is lifted – bring the lower atzei chaim a few inches beneath the edge of the bimah, then unroll and lift – that way, when you use the edge of the bimah as a fulcrum, the bottom edge of the k’laf is cleared –
but, yes, a lot of hagboho and gelilah is common sense, something too often lacking
Leftover chicken from yom tov – frozen after isru chag – defrosted for this past Shabbos – not eaten on Shabbos – sin to throw away food – I ate it today for lunch
How do you know the Aibishter isn’t tired of us all looking like a bunch of Oreo cookies?
Perhaps the Aibeshter is sitting at His table in the beis medrosh elyon, shaking his head and saying, “For goodness sake, I created a universe with COLORS! WEAR THEM!”
Seriously, if you want to effect change, talk to the Rov. Maybe he has the same goals as you, but maybe he senses different priorities to address. I don’t know where you live, but it’s possible that maybe in that particular shul, the goal is to get people to come to shul . . .
BP Totty – I won’t speculate whether these miners will carry their faith into the future, but I will speculate on the faith of those who are not ma’amad Har Sinai.
As we know, the practice of rabbonim receiving inquiries from prospective geirim is to initially discourage the geirus. The corollar of that is that we do not actively proselitize. We also know that there are sheva mitzvos b’nai Noach. So, when combined, we arrive at the following analytical construct: We have 613, they have seven, including monotheism, belief in One G-d. So, we see that there is a basis for belief in One G-d in the non-Jewish world.
Is that basis acted upon? I would say, yes. We may look around at common societal values – movies, television, etc., and ask, “Does this society reflect Divine values?” And, I’ll acknowlege that there is room and basis upon which to ask that question. But, much the way we forgive the tinok she’nishba, we might consider the possiblity that many people in the general world are not sensitized to the proposition that much of today’s “popular” art, music, culture could well fail standards to which b’nai Noach are subject.
But ask the average man on the street whether he believes in a G-d who loves and gives, a G-d who will exact punishment, and a G-d who created the world, and I think the answer, particularly in the heartland of America, will be yes.
So, faith in the One is expressed in different ways, some more frequent than others (we go to shul seven days a week, others go once per week). But, I would argue that the difference between ma’amad Har Sinai and not having been ma’amad Har Sinai is not an inherent obstacle to believing in a Creating G-d.
Commenting on the miners’ recognition of Divine intervention – the WSJ reported that the shaft through which supplies and food were delivered over the past weeks was 5″ (five inches) in diameter. As one of the posters above noted, the miners requested many things. The WSJ reported that early-on, one of the miners requested 33 Bibles, so that he could lead religious services in the rescue chamber.
So, I would suggest that both before, during, and after the rescue, these men recognized the One from whom the rescue came.
As a general principle, one (we) need to be very careful to not disparge minhagim. Throwing aravos on top of the aron kodesh is a widespread practice, so it should stand to reason that there is a basis for it that has stood the test of time.
My Rosh HaYeshiva was fond of saying that “sevaros are a dime a dozen,” but I’ll conjecture why the hoshanos might be tossed atop the aron kodesh, but not the lulav: once the hoshanos bundle has been beaten, the practice is that no-one else uses it – that’s why many bochurim purchase an extra set for their “Alter-Bubbe” (I know I did when I was a kid). So, once you’ve “spent” the hoshanos in shul, there’s no reason to take it home since there is nothing left to do with it. By contrast, the lulav and esrog can be used throughout the day until Shemini Atzeres, and in fact those who are accustomed to eating an esrog should not do so on Hoshanna Rabbah since it maintains its kedushadiche usefulness throughout the day.
It’s wrong. Period.
Once a school accepts a student, it is required to provide that student with a level of service that is equivalent to the services provided to all other students. And, I would hardly call a “report card” a service.
If the school finds the amount of tuition paid by the parents unacceptable, then it should simply dismiss the student from the school.
But to play this “half-way” game is nahreshkeit: if you accepted the student, then treat the student as a student.
The moral, ethical, and halachig implications of “bluffing” are clear, and need not be discussed (though perhaps, as discussed in a different CR thread, we might take a Kotzker approach and call it what it is: lying).
That aside, consider the following: a person fibs/bluffs/lies on his/her resume to boast of academic or prior work training. He/she is hired on that basis. Subsequently, the person is asked to assume responsibility for a project that demands the experience the “lie” purported to confer. Project fails. (1) person is professionally compromised, to say the least; (2) person could conceivably cause losses for the company or pull others down with him.
There is nothing wrong with using positive descriptive language to trumpet your accomplishments, or to use grand adjectvies to describe you achievements. But you cannot out-and-out lie.
We klop an al cheit on yom kippur for the type of speech that is intended to give a false impression of the facts. Perhaps the following should be our guide: would it be a resume you would submit to the RbS”O?October 6, 2010 1:00 pm at 1:00 pm in reply to: What does this mean, its a quote from the Kotzker. #699360
Based on my readings, the Kotzker Rebbe had a penetrating insight into human nature and his admonitions forced students (and us) to face facts honestly and without evasion. The Kotzker’s encounter with truth is brutal; there is no equivacating. The statement about donkeys in the middle and people taking sides is an example of this: confront the issue, and determine where you stand.
Difficulties finding jobs. I’ve tried very hard to be makpid on ma’aser, to share what HaShem has entrusted to me.
I’ve davened in shuls where the kibudim are auctioned.
And, I’ve davened in shuls where the kibudim are allocated by the gabbai with the unspoken understanding that a generous donation will be made following yom tov.
I’ve also davened in a shul where the recipients of major kibbudim are selected by the gabboim and the rov, and are bestowed upon those who are o’sek on behalf of the shul or community, and without expectation of major cash donations following – the kibbud is intend to (gasp) honor the recipient.
And, I’ve been gabbai at a shul where a good man was given in aliyah on yomim noraim simply because he is a good man. And he declined a separate misheberach for his family because he was could not afford to pledge a mattanah.
Our Rov’s drosho: A pilpul on hilchos yom tov, followed by a bold and lacerating divrei hisorurus: Are you hearing the kol HaShem?
His point: take a mitzvah, and do it better. Infuse the routine with meaning; move beyond “checking the box” and make the action matter. The Rov also spoke out very strongly against abusive emails, and implored us to expand our hachnosos orchim to include the forgotten – single adults, the elderly, those who can easily fall between the cracks in a community.
He very skillfully balanced gentle encouragement with strong, fired mussar; it was the type of “grab you by lapels” wake-up call one would expect in a yeshiva, delivered to a packed house of several hundred ba’al ha’batim.
Pashuteh Yid, yes, we share an account – she “won” me a shul fund-raiser auction – actually, she won tickets that included me as the date – it is I who emerged the ultimate winner in that deal –
Funny – how many of us would now shun a shul that would host an event that would endeavor to bring single girls and boys together in the same room for the purpose of socializing and meeting each other? Times change, don’t they
I’ve never ridden a bike in a skirt. Since I wear tefillin daily, that would be a problematic outcome.
When I was younger, I remember girls would go horseback riding by wearing denim jeans (which prevent the horsehairs from needling you) beneath a skirt (which flowed over the saddle and side of the horse; hence, the pants were visible only at the bottom edges).
Would such an eitza work for a bicycle, or does anything but a short skirt get caught in a chain?
“A Separate Peace,” by John Knowles. Tells the story of two high-school boys at boarding school in the waning years of the Second World War. No objectionable scenes; the action takes place on the campus of the school, involves the relationships of students and their view of the war as it affects their lives. A tremendous novel, lavishly written.
Resolution of this issue would be helpful – I, quite perhaps incorrectly, bifurcated the issue to include (a) swimming and (b) inappropriate viewing. Which leads, then, to a question of whether mixed swimming would be permitted where all parties are dressed in whatever we define as tznius –
So, let’s start with a proposition that one accepts the “tznius” bathing suits (yes, there are those who say that even the long shirt/sleeve/skirt suits can cling when wet, but for the purposes of this discussion, let’s operate with an assumption that the suits retain the proper level of tzinius at all times/conditions, and that the men (again, operating on a hypothetical) are similarly covered in an appropriate swim short and trunks of an appropriate length (knee length? board shorts? pick your poison) –
But – aside from the issue of appropriate clothing – is there an issur of being in the same pool with an unrelated person of the opposite sex?
Wow. I usually log-on to be a koch-lefel, but Wolf, and Feivel, awesome shots. I found when using film that I would usually get only one “winner” shot off a roll; with digital, it’s easier to be more liberal with hitting the shutter. But, a friend of mine who is a photographer advised me to think like I am using film, and to continue to focus (no pun intended) on framing, composition, lighting, etc. I am still learning the tricks of my new camera (Rebel Xs) – a crazy amount of features – currently working with shutting down the camera’s auto functions to focus on using natural light –
The twin issues are: (1) mixed swimming, and (2) seeing ladies “uncovered.” The latter, in fact, is problematic when visiting various amusement parks, since women (particularly in parks with water attractions) tend to walk about dressed for the occasion.
Without imposing my view on anyone else, I once asked my rov whether, if I went to the beach, the issurim of mixed swimming fell away if was 50, or 100, or 150 yards from the nearest woman. His response was clear, and to the point: “If you’re close enough to see anything interesting, you’re too close.”
We were never “patched” as children, but for grevious offenses were sent to the “Trouble Room,” a small room in the basement painted black, with a black ceiling, and a single hanging light bulb, usually for 20 minutes or so with instructions to think about what we had done and how we could do better.
Fortunately, inane idiocy is not chukas ha’goyim. Otherwise, we’d all be in trouble.
There is a ton to do in Lancaster that is child-friendly and affordable. The shul, Degel Israel, has minyonim every day (6:50 a.m. leining, 7:00 a.m. non-leining; shkiah-based at night) and moves at a very reasonable ba’al ha’batish pace (not rushed, not slow). In addition to Dutch Wonderland, which each person should investigate to determine whether it is appropriate for his/her family, there are farm tours, buggy rides, and various factory tours in the area. Lancaster County/Pennsylvania Dutch Country are search strings for google that can lead you to free published tour guides.
In my world, you can take your suit jacket off in a meeting and roll up your sleeves, and it means, “I’m serious and ready to get to work.”
If you take off your tie, however, it means, “I’m finished and I’m going home.”
It’s not code or symbolism, it’s just how people dress in the business world on the East Coast. And even among suits, there are differences – in the South, men wear cotton and linen suits, as well as seersucker patterns. Wear a seersucker suit in NYC and you’ll be snickered out of the boardroom.
So would a Southerner be wrong to wear a seersucker on Shabbos because it does not meet the accepted codes of formality in NY?
Oh – and in my makom, if you wear a sports-coat, you’re dressing down – acceptable for dinner, not so much for a meeting.
chiming in with j&working22 and the Wolf – I have been working in “white collar” suit-and-tie environments for 17 years, in various cities on the East Coast and traveling throughout the U.S., regularly interacting with board-level execs of publicly traded corporations and other professional staff – and I have NEVER seen one of them wear a fedora (the common “black hat”) of any color or style –
Hats in the U.S. went out of style when JFK was innagurated – he did not wear one to his innaguration, and American men took their cue from their young president and rejected hats from daily dress wear – it is simply no longer an accessory that denotes formality or dress – outside of “our” community, it is anachronistic and arguably may attract more attenion for its unusual character than any sense that a man is better dressed when wearing it – so, I would argue against the notion that we wear hats when davening because well-dressed men would wear a hat to meet the president/royalty/national leadership –
What I do see, however, is men wearing pressed suits, crisp shirts, and clean ties – so, I would argue that if a man wants to dress the way he would when going to meet royalty or the president, a necktie would be more consistent with general practice than a hat
Beer is a defined beverage. Stated differently, when a product is sold as an unflavored beer, it can contain only barley, malt, hops, and, in some instances, rice. The proportions of those ingredients, the geographic origin of them, the specific strains of various plantings, the water, and the brewing process are the variable factors that cause one beer to taste different from another.
But, the long and the short of it is that “beer” means a fermented beverage brewed from the above-noted grains. Anything else is not beer.
This is similar, in some respects, to the manner in which ice cream and chocolate were viewed in the U.S. in the 1950s. At that time, ice cream meant cream, sugar, and perhaps some natural flavor; chocolate was cocoa, milk, and sugar. A survey of people in their 70s and 80s will likely disclose that the accepted practice among frum yidden was to enjoy ice cream and chocolate without a hechsher (for those who eat cholov stam). But at some point in time, various additives were thrown into the mixing bowl, and the practice of eating any ice cream or chocolate came to a screeching halt. Fortunately, beer has not been subjected to such innovations, except to the extent that lime and lemon and other oddities are being added to the classic shalosh seudos beverage of choice. It is, to a purist, somewhat sinful, and conjures the same nose-wrinkling difficulties associated with flavored coffee.
Actually, coffee and tea may offer a fair comparison to beer – it’s coffee, it’s tea, it’s beer.
At one time, incidentally, fish by-products were used to skim some of the scurm from the fermented beer (during the brewing process). But that process was acceptable because the fish by-products (dried dead fish parts) was scattered atop the mixture and then skimmed off, along with the unwanted foam from the beer. So, nothing from the dead fish remained in the beer; the point was to actually pull all of that stuff out, along with the top layer of brewing beer.
BP Totty: as always, you raise good and thoughtful points.
Squeak: the difference between a compulsory draft and a volunteer military (as exists in the US today) is that the existence of a volunteer military indicates that the nation’s needs are met by a volunteer forces – stated differently, there is no pressing need that requires the type of call-up as was necessary in WWII – those want to serve, serve, and those who don’t, don’t. But once the gov’t comes calling and says, “We need all able-bodied men between the ages of 20-35” (or whatever range is determined), then in that case it’s a little sketchy to try to wiggle out because while a lot of folks won’t want to serve, they recognize that they must serve.
Another difficult question is implicated by the Wolf’s discussion of WWII and Vietnam – the moral implications of the former were clear; the moral implications of the latter perhaps less so. I do not fault anyone’s interest in self-preservation, and that feeling may be amplified when one’s personal opinion of the war changes.
But, if the government has a standing policy to exempt theological students (of all stripes) from a draft, then I don’t disapprove of any bochur’s use of that exemption. I just find the notion of manufacturing an exemption based on falsified medical (taking pills to alter one’s blood data) or other conditions (feigning ignorance of the language) to be distasteful. If you don’t want to serve, then say so. But let’s be truthful, and not use mistruths to escape service.
I end this note with respect for others who have contributed thoughtfully to this difficult discussion.
I find it distressing that the predominant reaction on this forum is, “Let’s avoid service, and let someone else take the hit.”
My father and his brother served in the US Army when they were drafted. It was not easy, but when called, they did their duty. And I have friends and neighbors (frum yidden) who did the same. These men served as soldiers, officers, and chaplains. They asked their shailos about Shabbos and kashrus, and they served.
You might think about that the next time you enjoy the wealth of freedom the United States provides. Yes, it’s not a perfect country (there is no perfect country); yes, the current Administration’s policy on Israel is confounding.
But it is more confounding to confront an attitude of, “I will suck the freedom and benefits of this land, and let someone else stand to defend it while I cower behind any manner of excuse and subterfuge I can conjure so that someone else takes a bullet while I relax with my freedom.”
Actually, it borders on abhorrent. There is no compulsory draft in the US, so no one is compelled to serve. But if circumstances warrant the participation of able bodied men, and one is capable of serving among others so required, then be a man, and do it.May 7, 2010 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm in reply to: Why Haven't the Melodies of Dovid HaMelech Been Preserved? #684023
Here is a link to an article by Sherwood Goffin, examining the origin of the nusach yomim noraim; there are references to nusach of the Maharil
If you Google “nusach” and “Sherwood Goffin” you will find other articles, as well. This does not answer the Dovid haMelech question, but it begins to open a window on the origin of nusach. I’ll try to remember, but there is an authorative volume from the 1920s that traces many of the globally-common nusach ha-tefilos –
for every bar mitzvah boy (and bas mitzvah) there is an approprite sefer, whether it be a peirush on Chumash, sifrei halacha, English translations, rishonim and achronim . . . an iPad? the bar mitzvah gift is an opportunity to reinforce what matters – seforim, tashmishei kedusha, etc –
Suffice to say there has not been a vort – but I said I’m not going to be yenta, so that is all I am going to say for now –
I will say, however, with some pleasure, that the rebbetzin of Stranded’s shul hosted a melaveh malkeh for high school grads and sem girls shortly after Purim, and the topic of her shmooze was “Reality of Marriage,” or something like that – I *heard* that it was a very frank and open discussion – that the rebbetzin revealed to the girls the truth that marriage is not one long great date – that there can be good years and bad years – that the evening went far later into the night than anyone anticipated, and that the rebbetzin convinced her husband to do the same type of gathering for the boys who are coming out of the freezer or otherwise getting ready for shidduchim
When I was in shidduchim many years ago, a shadchanis once finished a rundown by telling me the girl’s dress size. I said, “Thanks, but since I stopped wearing my sister’s dresses a few years ago, I’ve forgotten what that means.”
Needless to say, I was never redt to the girl.