telegrok

– when you eat breakfast and lunch the day of chasuna, instead of “fasting” so you can make the most of the meal (nearly 20 years later, I still eat lightly the day of a chasuna or shul dinner)

– when being tired overtakes the desire to eat chulent Friday night

– when you ask young bochurim home during bein ha’zmanim, “What are you learning,” and then reminisce about what you learned, and when you learned it

– when you realize that the boys in yeshiva with whom you ate Shabbos lunch are now the shoel u’mashiv and magidei shiur, and you just have a regular job

– when you really “get” what people write in the haskomos of their seforim, that without their wives, the learning would not have been possible; when you understand when the rov says the rebbetzin has enabled him to do what he does

To not date in the rain? Interesting question. Assuming you’re talking about a standard rainshower and not a monsoon, I’ll ask: did you stay home from work when it rained? Did you not go to shul when it rained? Do you think someone who is reluctant to step out in the rain for a date is truly in the parsha for tachlis dating? It rains, it snows, etc. No one expects you to be the postman, but come on, you won’t melt.

How to get your child to wear a bike helmet: take him to the hospital to visit cranial injury patients. Kind of like introducing kids who think it’s cool to smoke to lung cancer patients. Or kids who pooh-pooh sunblock to skin cancer patients.

Mean? Yes. Effective? More effective than talk.

You’re the adult. Assume the role responsibly.

The boys wearing “brim down” hats, a/k/a fedoras, with the brim up look like idiots. Sorry, but that’s the fact. It’s the same with the people who leave the designer label on the outside sleeve of their suit jacket or top-coat – those labels are intended to be removed after purchase – it’s not like the Levi’s tab on the back pocket of your dungarees.

You want to wear your brim up, wear a homburg.

Bagels are not fully cooked after boiling; the baking “completes” the bagel. Just go to your neighborhood bagel shop and ask for a boiled bagel, before it has been baked.

If you were only “lukewarm” about the second, you should not have been proposing. Forget about not being fair to you, it’s not fair to the girl.

How do expect to maintain a marriage if you’re only “lukewarm” and there while your pining after someone else?

If that’s the case, work it out before you drag someone into your emotional morass.

Wolf: It horrifies me. It terrifies me. One day, we will have potential machatanim as Shabbos guests; such is the social climate in which we exist, that before an engagement is announced, the machatanim spend Shabbos together. And my potential machateinister will spy my husband blending his concoction and stop the shidduch immediately.

I had a clear, logical sign that had nothing to do with the heart.

All the times I dated, I came to the girl’s home and met her parents. The mothers were very often gracious and nice, the fathers more skeptical.

It was raining the evening of my first date with my wife. I rang the bell, and a younger girl invited me inside while she called for her sister. As I was stepping forward to close the front door behind, my date’s mother came from the kitchen, looked at my soaking shoes, and snapped, “Unless you’re going to pay for the carpet cleaner, you can either stay where you are or take off your shoes.”

At that moment, I knew that I had met my mother-in-law.

Twisted – thank you – I never considered possible trauma to the back of the k’laf by using the bima edge as a fulcrum

Leftover chicken from yom tov – frozen after isru chag – defrosted for this past Shabbos – not eaten on Shabbos – sin to throw away food – I ate it today for lunch

BP Totty – I won’t speculate whether these miners will carry their faith into the future, but I will speculate on the faith of those who are not ma’amad Har Sinai.

As we know, the practice of rabbonim receiving inquiries from prospective geirim is to initially discourage the geirus. The corollar of that is that we do not actively proselitize. We also know that there are sheva mitzvos b’nai Noach. So, when combined, we arrive at the following analytical construct: We have 613, they have seven, including monotheism, belief in One G-d. So, we see that there is a basis for belief in One G-d in the non-Jewish world.

Is that basis acted upon? I would say, yes. We may look around at common societal values – movies, television, etc., and ask, “Does this society reflect Divine values?” And, I’ll acknowlege that there is room and basis upon which to ask that question. But, much the way we forgive the tinok she’nishba, we might consider the possiblity that many people in the general world are not sensitized to the proposition that much of today’s “popular” art, music, culture could well fail standards to which b’nai Noach are subject.

But ask the average man on the street whether he believes in a G-d who loves and gives, a G-d who will exact punishment, and a G-d who created the world, and I think the answer, particularly in the heartland of America, will be yes.

So, faith in the One is expressed in different ways, some more frequent than others (we go to shul seven days a week, others go once per week). But, I would argue that the difference between ma’amad Har Sinai and not having been ma’amad Har Sinai is not an inherent obstacle to believing in a Creating G-d.

As a general principle, one (we) need to be very careful to not disparge minhagim. Throwing aravos on top of the aron kodesh is a widespread practice, so it should stand to reason that there is a basis for it that has stood the test of time.

My Rosh HaYeshiva was fond of saying that “sevaros are a dime a dozen,” but I’ll conjecture why the hoshanos might be tossed atop the aron kodesh, but not the lulav: once the hoshanos bundle has been beaten, the practice is that no-one else uses it – that’s why many bochurim purchase an extra set for their “Alter-Bubbe” (I know I did when I was a kid). So, once you’ve “spent” the hoshanos in shul, there’s no reason to take it home since there is nothing left to do with it. By contrast, the lulav and esrog can be used throughout the day until Shemini Atzeres, and in fact those who are accustomed to eating an esrog should not do so on Hoshanna Rabbah since it maintains its kedushadiche usefulness throughout the day.

The moral, ethical, and halachig implications of “bluffing” are clear, and need not be discussed (though perhaps, as discussed in a different CR thread, we might take a Kotzker approach and call it what it is: lying).

That aside, consider the following: a person fibs/bluffs/lies on his/her resume to boast of academic or prior work training. He/she is hired on that basis. Subsequently, the person is asked to assume responsibility for a project that demands the experience the “lie” purported to confer. Project fails. (1) person is professionally compromised, to say the least; (2) person could conceivably cause losses for the company or pull others down with him.

There is nothing wrong with using positive descriptive language to trumpet your accomplishments, or to use grand adjectvies to describe you achievements. But you cannot out-and-out lie.

We klop an al cheit on yom kippur for the type of speech that is intended to give a false impression of the facts. Perhaps the following should be our guide: would it be a resume you would submit to the RbS”O?

Difficulties finding jobs. I’ve tried very hard to be makpid on ma’aser, to share what HaShem has entrusted to me.

I’ve davened in shuls where the kibudim are auctioned.

And, I’ve davened in shuls where the kibudim are allocated by the gabbai with the unspoken understanding that a generous donation will be made following yom tov.

I’ve also davened in a shul where the recipients of major kibbudim are selected by the gabboim and the rov, and are bestowed upon those who are o’sek on behalf of the shul or community, and without expectation of major cash donations following – the kibbud is intend to (gasp) honor the recipient.

And, I’ve been gabbai at a shul where a good man was given in aliyah on yomim noraim simply because he is a good man. And he declined a separate misheberach for his family because he was could not afford to pledge a mattanah.

Pashuteh Yid, yes, we share an account – she “won” me a shul fund-raiser auction – actually, she won tickets that included me as the date – it is I who emerged the ultimate winner in that deal –

Funny – how many of us would now shun a shul that would host an event that would endeavor to bring single girls and boys together in the same room for the purpose of socializing and meeting each other? Times change, don’t they

“A Separate Peace,” by John Knowles. Tells the story of two high-school boys at boarding school in the waning years of the Second World War. No objectionable scenes; the action takes place on the campus of the school, involves the relationships of students and their view of the war as it affects their lives. A tremendous novel, lavishly written.

Wow. I usually log-on to be a koch-lefel, but Wolf, and Feivel, awesome shots. I found when using film that I would usually get only one “winner” shot off a roll; with digital, it’s easier to be more liberal with hitting the shutter. But, a friend of mine who is a photographer advised me to think like I am using film, and to continue to focus (no pun intended) on framing, composition, lighting, etc. I am still learning the tricks of my new camera (Rebel Xs) – a crazy amount of features – currently working with shutting down the camera’s auto functions to focus on using natural light –

We were never “patched” as children, but for grevious offenses were sent to the “Trouble Room,” a small room in the basement painted black, with a black ceiling, and a single hanging light bulb, usually for 20 minutes or so with instructions to think about what we had done and how we could do better.

There is a ton to do in Lancaster that is child-friendly and affordable. The shul, Degel Israel, has minyonim every day (6:50 a.m. leining, 7:00 a.m. non-leining; shkiah-based at night) and moves at a very reasonable ba’al ha’batish pace (not rushed, not slow). In addition to Dutch Wonderland, which each person should investigate to determine whether it is appropriate for his/her family, there are farm tours, buggy rides, and various factory tours in the area. Lancaster County/Pennsylvania Dutch Country are search strings for google that can lead you to free published tour guides.

chiming in with j&working22 and the Wolf – I have been working in “white collar” suit-and-tie environments for 17 years, in various cities on the East Coast and traveling throughout the U.S., regularly interacting with board-level execs of publicly traded corporations and other professional staff – and I have NEVER seen one of them wear a fedora (the common “black hat”) of any color or style –

Hats in the U.S. went out of style when JFK was innagurated – he did not wear one to his innaguration, and American men took their cue from their young president and rejected hats from daily dress wear – it is simply no longer an accessory that denotes formality or dress – outside of “our” community, it is anachronistic and arguably may attract more attenion for its unusual character than any sense that a man is better dressed when wearing it – so, I would argue against the notion that we wear hats when davening because well-dressed men would wear a hat to meet the president/royalty/national leadership –

What I do see, however, is men wearing pressed suits, crisp shirts, and clean ties – so, I would argue that if a man wants to dress the way he would when going to meet royalty or the president, a necktie would be more consistent with general practice than a hat

BP Totty: as always, you raise good and thoughtful points.

Squeak: the difference between a compulsory draft and a volunteer military (as exists in the US today) is that the existence of a volunteer military indicates that the nation’s needs are met by a volunteer forces – stated differently, there is no pressing need that requires the type of call-up as was necessary in WWII – those want to serve, serve, and those who don’t, don’t. But once the gov’t comes calling and says, “We need all able-bodied men between the ages of 20-35” (or whatever range is determined), then in that case it’s a little sketchy to try to wiggle out because while a lot of folks won’t want to serve, they recognize that they must serve.

Another difficult question is implicated by the Wolf’s discussion of WWII and Vietnam – the moral implications of the former were clear; the moral implications of the latter perhaps less so. I do not fault anyone’s interest in self-preservation, and that feeling may be amplified when one’s personal opinion of the war changes.

But, if the government has a standing policy to exempt theological students (of all stripes) from a draft, then I don’t disapprove of any bochur’s use of that exemption. I just find the notion of manufacturing an exemption based on falsified medical (taking pills to alter one’s blood data) or other conditions (feigning ignorance of the language) to be distasteful. If you don’t want to serve, then say so. But let’s be truthful, and not use mistruths to escape service.

I end this note with respect for others who have contributed thoughtfully to this difficult discussion.

Here is a link to an article by Sherwood Goffin, examining the origin of the nusach yomim noraim; there are references to nusach of the Maharil

http://www.yutorah.org/togo/5769/roshhashana/articles/Rosh_Hashanah_To-Go_-_5769_Cantor_Sherwood_Goffin.pdf

If you Google “nusach” and “Sherwood Goffin” you will find other articles, as well. This does not answer the Dovid haMelech question, but it begins to open a window on the origin of nusach. I’ll try to remember, but there is an authorative volume from the 1920s that traces many of the globally-common nusach ha-tefilos –