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Makes zero sense – if there are 100 – 23 year old boys and 110 – 19 year old girls and almost everyone marries at this disparity – yes each girl marries one boy but there are 10 girls that cant get married. And no she doesn’t have a selection of different ages because the 22 year old guys are predominantly for the girls who are now 18. Please think this through clearly. If it helps you can draw it on a piece of paper and it will be a lot easier to visualize the girls who have no possible match.
The only issue is the math. If you believe that boys can marry girls significantly younger than them and still have everyone get married you might as well get on a loudspeaker and announce that 2+2 = 17 You are unfortunately mathematically challenged. It has zero to do with FFB, off the derech, baal teshuvah or anything else – just simple math. If an older (smaller) population is predominantly marrying into a younger (larger) population -there can not be enough girls for all the boys. So yes 2+2 remains 4 and if you don’t believe this I do feel bad.
yesJune 11, 2020 12:24 pm at 12:24 pm in reply to: If N.Y. doesn’t allow summer camps to open, what’s your plan? #1870459
Plan SHOULD be to invite the media and begin a continuous DAILY protest in Albany in front of his home and offices and start yelling and screaming like the blacks did very successfully and accomplished what they were trying to get done. We MUST put up a tremendous fight including civil disobedience if necessary. No reason to sit like a bunch of suckers and bow at the altar of the lunatic comrade making up laws and dates with no rhyme or reason.
If there is a negative feeling toward a certain stereotype it is incumbent on those people to bend over backward to ensure that this sterotype is reversed. For example when I am walking down the street and see a well dressed black man in a suit and tie I don’t fear for my life. But when I see one dressed like a gangster and acting crazy I get more nervous. It is incumbent upon black to dress properly, work hard and do whatever it takes to reverse stereotypes. It is not the blacks that make an effort- that are the ones that have feelings that there is a racist attitude toward them. Same for Jews or others BTW.
Are you kidding? It is very possible that part of why this punisment came in the first place requiring all of us to keep our kids home for extended periods was due to the lack of outcry against schools that forced children to stay home for extended periods causing them great pain. This is so that those responsible for that and those who did not stand up in protest including me unfortunately can feel the pain themselves. Just because someone chooses not to vaccinate does not give you the right to do that. Our children were never in any more danger due to a child in the class who was unvaccinated- yet folks with no medical knowledge whatsoever chose to torture pure innocent children. And by the way all my children are vaccinated.
I am a boy and didnt go to EY and don’t think my life is any different of would have been much better had I gone. I learned in yeshiva in America and believe it or not here I am today quite learned I think. For thousands of years we did not have a procedure of going to Israel for a year to learn so not sure when this has become the 11th commandment. I am not saying that it is not nice to go there but it should be far from a requirement or status symbol.April 21, 2020 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm in reply to: Inspiring safe & legal Porch minyanim all over Lakewood #1851435
Not inspired. Many others do not read the rules carefully and many others are not willing to be a mashgiach especially when it is their neighbors and people end up not following the rules sometimes not even realizing. That is why they said no minyanim at all. It is only because of those that refused to listen that they had to allow some with rules. If one person gets sick or c”v dies on your account ……………….
If you are not going to a Purim party for fear of death – please be sure that you also do not go to Shul where there are equally as many people and certainly don’t go shopping. If you want to be extra machmir please dont open the door for UPS driver who might be carrier and please don’t send your children to school where they can pick it up and transmit to you.
@daas yochid I think that either way that they would have in mind- the goal is the same – to close the gap and ensure that there are 100 boys for 100 girls.
@syag lechochma How is my idea contrary to what g-d asked of us? Where did he ask us to marry at 23 or 24 all of a sudden? All of chazal that discuss this subject mention earlier times as best as I can find. I haven’t found a single place that states that boys should delay marriage for this long. And look how much aggravation and suffering this relatively new trendy idea has caused already. When you mention the difficulty girls are having in chassish or Israeli or other circles they look at you like you fell off the moon and have no idea what you are talking abut.
I don’t understand anything that you have said.
Point #1 The only reason the boys can ask for money is that they have an unfair advantage due to their marrying younger girls which there are more of so the boys have the upper hand and can make demands. Remember supply and demand.
Point # 2
If there were equal amounts of boys and girls in the game- both sides would equally feel the pressure to compromise. Since there is not due to marrying into an age gap scenario once again boys can do whatever they want
Point # 3
Once again it may be true what you say that the seminaries are trying to make money but the only reason that all the girls all of a sudden feel the need to go the Israeli seminaries is to impress boys so that they will not be on the losing end of this unfair game that the boys are playing. Once again if the numbers in the game were equal there would be much less pressure to do all sorts of things to impress the boys and everything would work itself out organically.
So as you may notice the MATH is driving all of this. Additionally even when people are getting married they are marrying girls in many cases that are out of their league-because they could- and then they are finding it difficult to maintain.
@syaglchochoma G-d in his torah states what age boys should start dating. Please don’t now blame g-d for this when we refuse to heed his advice
lkwdstrong you are not slow but absolutely correct. It may not be a bad idea for the girls to band together and announce that if the boys don’t start dating earlier- they will not date until later- perhaps 21 or so. Or that they won.t date a boy over 21 or 22. It would take all the girls to do it together though but would be wildly effective.
Ii is definitely a crisis that 10% of girls remain single. Any person with any common sense knows many single girls and much fewer boys so that should tell you something. Even if you didn’t see data though, you should realize there has an issue because when boys continue to marry girls much younger – the numbers can’t be sustained because there will always be well more 19 year old girls than 23 and 24 years old boys. Only solution to this is to date close in age. So to answer your question seminary actually in part is the only mitigating factor that helps reduce the crisis- albeit not nearly enough or else girls would begin dating even younger. Actually theoretically if girls went for two or three years there would be even a smaller crisis . Of course that may not be very realistic and it would be much more ideal if boys starting dating at the time demanded of them by pirkei avos .
You are 100 % correct that some people are very judgmental and this is not a good ting. This however is not the cause of the shidduch crisis. The cause of that is an uneven amount of players in the game and the only way that can be corrected is to even it out. The only way to even it out is for people to marry very close to their age. Keep on trying and I am sure you will find your shidduch very soon. But lets not mix up two completely different issues. May you be matzliach soon.
wow couldnt have said it better. So right.
Hate to say this but your rambles are completely nonsensical. The fact that many people are getting married has absolutely nothing to do with the FACT that the age gap causes an unevenness with many more girls than boys being unable to get married.
I am not a gevir though I truly believe in the age gap. It is far from a hoax and clearly you are not one of the thousands of women in this position. Staying married has no bearing on this serious issue of uneven numbers in the dating process.
Hate to say this but your rambles are completely nonsensical. TThe fact that many people are getting married has absolutely nothing to do with the FACT that the age gap causes an unevenness with many more girls than boys being unable to get married.
Apparently you dont sell things for a living. No one is business will be accepting of someone buying something knowing he will return it before he bought it or all the other similar permutations. The seller only is agreeing to returns for cases where these was a valid reason that was not clearly understood before. Trying to game the system though is geneivah.
To buy something in order to return is 100% geneivah
To buy something and use once is 100% geneivah
To buy something and claim that returning is no issue due to policy is 100% geneivah
You can spin things until your head spins but it wont change the reality. Cut it out already.
Are you serious? You expect not to make any hishtadlus at all? Why do we all go to work each day? There are numerous gemorahs that discuss the idea of making a plan and getting educated in a trade so that you will have a plan. Why do you go to the store to buy food for shabbos when hashem can make it appear in your house? And regarding dating earlier yes boys shouldn’t either keep getting married later and later in violation of many gemorahs and thus mathematically making it impossible for all girls to find mates and then blame hashem and say that all shidduchim are min hashamyim. Hashems plan is that people will listen and get married when he told them to and thus there will be enough men for all the girls – not that he will have to open miracles.
Your sons rebbi has a smartphone for the same resson you do. He wants/needs the convenience of modern day things like email, waze etc… I am sure it is protected against bad stuff. Perhaps he has a side business to make a few extra dollars that he is probably not getting from super high tuition paying parents like you. P.S. I am not a rebbi.November 12, 2019 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm in reply to: After millions spent on promotion why are 30% of seats unsold? #1799888
What they should do now is upgrade those that came early and committed and open up more of the lower priced seats. I want to bring more family members who are woman but can spend $180 for each
I did not go nor did my wife and I don’t feel like I missed anything. The learning is very advanced in the USA. Most people need it for shidduch resume. Most won’t admit it though. We need to convince our children not to look at this as an important factor in choosing who to go out (because it isn’t) with and it will go away.
correct this is a nisayon that is totally self inflicted and can be rectified by following the words of the gedolim as they did in the old days before the crisis began by boys marrying earlier. See pirkei avos.
Good point but I believe the supply of people controls this. Namely you cant let more people into the country at any time if it exceeds the jobs available as this will cause a surplus of people and allow the companies to fight their way down.
Basically whatever the hot thing is now – realize that it will soon be over-saturated. Social work, PT, Speech etc.. Think out of the box. App building, web development and similar computer work I believe is the future and may be good to be able to work offsite etc,,,,flexible hours…lucrative..if you are willing to work hard. Or start a business.
As a business owner in manufacturing – the morning after I heard that the minimum wage was going up in NJ – I went to a robotics show in the Javits Center and I am now working on a plan to automate as much as possible in my factory so that we need as few people as possible. Unfortunately even this won’t help fully because everything will soon cost more due to fast food, gas stations, and everyone else having to raise the prices on everything to pay their labor but at least I will save money on employees that are asking for more than they are worth. Business owners are not stupid people and government can never outsmart basic economics. Minimum wage was for a time years past when there were no laws to protect employees but that is supposed to be a starting point and you are supposed to prove yourself and move up as you become more valuable to your employer. Unfortunately this will hurt those starting out the most because no one will higher inexperienced people now.
Yes and it will run out in 2036 or 2037 .
That is also a viable solution as the issue is an age gap and any plan that encourages dating of a similar age will solve the problem. Thing is that all the young girls will also want to get married and that can throw things off.
i feel that if guys refuse to get started younger- the only solution that girls have is to get together and refuse to date until 20-21 at least – until the boys begin doing so.
I don’t understand what you are saying about 5%. Lets think this through. If 5 percent marry people of the same age that takes even numbers of even men and women out of the equation . But there are still 95 % of people that are marrying into younger pools of women. so there is still virtually the same issue
For example if there are 90 22 yr old boys and 100 19 yr old girl at one time and 5 of the boys marry a 22 year old girl – now there are 85 boys and 100 19 year old girls and 5 less 22 yr old girls so you helped out now some of the left people from the previous years problem but now you have at least as large a problem going forward. unless equal numbers go for equal numbers it would seem that math can not be tampered with and it is a pretty brutal deal. I understood the age gap to be the same as dating divide. what is your meaning of dating divide?
I would like to suggest the following. For all those that can not understand that this has to be the case from a simple mathematical analysis which I would be happy to explain again, can one of these mathematics deniers explain how boys can marry into a younger population and not have an uneven amount of people in the equation? Which point in this equation is incorrect? Does he not believe that there is population growth? Does he not believe most boys are marrying average 3 yrs younger? Does he not believe boys are on average getting married at 22-23 or more? Do they believe 2+2 =5? Unless we can understand these peoples thought processes (or lack thereof) s it is hard to even have a conversation with them. The answer to this self inflicted mathematical dilemma, caused by us, must be clear please – not narishkeit, bitochin or otherwise. I Believe this crisis is one of the largest facing our nation at this time, facing a very large percent of us people, and one of the few that is completely fixable just with some education and marketing.May 6, 2018 11:14 pm at 11:14 pm in reply to: If Nassi is wrong, how do you explain why 1000’s of older girls are stil single? #1517092
I don’t understand the term nasi people and anti Nasi people. What NASI has stated is a mathematical fact. Disputing it is akin to saying that 3+3=8 If there is a different amount of people in the parshah at any time there will always be an issue regardless of any and all other issues like how shidduchim are red. who’s off the derech, who is learning or not, how much money anyone has, etc… please think critically about this and avoid spewing silly ideas that don’t bear on the simple 3 rd grade mathematicsMarch 15, 2018 12:40 pm at 12:40 pm in reply to: How Careful Must We Be When Eating Out With A Hechsher #1490981
I have both a national and heimish hechsher on my place. The national one comes every month- the hemish one hasn’t come in well over a year and he has no idea what is even in my products. So there are no rules but they definitely both have pros and cons.September 3, 2017 9:36 am at 9:36 am in reply to: The Age Gap and the Musical Chairs of Shidduchim👴👶🏻🎶💺💺 #1353393
really? If you had an island with 1000 boys and 1000 girls don’t you think eventually people would have equal advantage and would have to figure things out to make it work equally? Even if some were fat, ugly, poor, a bit less religious, more religious, etc… they would have no choice but to eventually settle and if they didn’t there would be an equal number of boys and girls single. Presumably there are boys and girls both with advantages and disadvantages equally from a mathematical standpoint or at least close.
Since there is not an equal number single please do the math and realize that is a numbers game and all other factors are not relevant. Yes there are older boys but many many more older girls. Of course if you understand the age cap concept fully it would be clear anyway. Why is clear elementary school mathematics so hard for people to wrap their head around? I do not work for NASI BTW or even know who does.August 31, 2017 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm in reply to: The Age Gap and the Musical Chairs of Shidduchim👴👶🏻🎶💺💺 #1352628
This is getting more and more bizarre. People talking about keeping boys or girls on the path, etc.. If the numbers were equal there would be no problem as everyone would have to work it out irregardless of all the factors, like looks, religious level, etc… The issue is when the numbers are not equal as has been mathematically proven over and over due to the AGE GAP FACT – not theory – so why bring in all sorts of alternative point about shadchonim, off the derech, etc… The cause is one and only one thing – a difference of numbers entering the pool. Please read carefully. All the shadchonim in the world or all the other factors have no bearing on a solution.August 30, 2017 6:15 pm at 6:15 pm in reply to: The Age Gap and the Musical Chairs of Shidduchim👴👶🏻🎶💺💺 #1351508
Once again the comments are not addressing my point. If the population grows every year whether 4% or 7 % or whatever that means that every succeeding year has more people than the year before – boys and girls. This is obvious and you don’t need data from every community. If most people are marrying people much younger –
you have a major problem even if not everyone does. Yes boys and girls both leave the fold- no reason to assume more of any. Basically every frum population has a population increase Brooklyn, Lakewood, Passaic, Monsey etc.. This is a big problem and people are suffering. Please don’t poo poo this issue and make claims that are not based in fact. If boys wait too long it will make a problem. What if every boy decided to wait until 30 would you then agree there would be a problem? What about 40? You need to understand the mathematics. The only difference is in the scope. It is not about emunah – not to listen to our chachomim and expect hashem to solve the problems is not reasonable. Who said hashem wants you to wait until 23 to get married? A few years back we knew there was a problem but we did not understand the cause of this problem – now we do in a very scientific way. Lets solve it please with your sons so that your daughters are not victims. Unless real daas torah tells you otherwise.August 30, 2017 12:13 pm at 12:13 pm in reply to: The Age Gap and the Musical Chairs of Shidduchim👴👶🏻🎶💺💺 #1351263
Again I am talking from a mathematical standpoint and there is no way around the facts. Hashem has planned this but we cant do our best to mess it up. Remember it does say ben shmonah esrah lechupah so for us to think we can get married whenever we want and blame g-d is not really right. Suggesting anecdotal evidence about how many people unmarried you know is of course meaningless. Many studies have already corroborated the mathematical reality that there are much more girls in their ninth grades across any town than for example in the 12 grade and the same for boys which is obvious. Therefore 4 years later when the 12 grade boys are marrying the ninth grade girls it doesnt work so unless you can challenge this with facts it stands as is unfortunately. It has nothing to do with shadchans, personality, level of religious observance or any other factors. It is simply not the same number of people in the pie to match. You can have 10,000 shadchans and it will not help at all. It is a huge problem facing klal yisroel and one TOTALLY man made. Please lets change how we do things so that your children will not suffer.August 30, 2017 9:24 am at 9:24 am in reply to: The Age Gap and the Musical Chairs of Shidduchim👴👶🏻🎶💺💺 #1351057
Folks – unfortunately the age gap is not theory but hard mathematical fact. Since the population continues to grow every year by whatever % – if older boys keep marrying into the larger population of younger girls there will continue to be a major problem. The only way to solve this is to marry at the same or very close age. I challenge anyone to dispute this in a serious though out mathematical way. It seems to me that this keeps being discussed as though it is a theory but I have yet to see anyone explain in a real way why it would be. In my opinion this is one of the largest problems facing klal yisroel right now where thousands of people cant get married- and the one that is most preventable if we change the way we do business.
This post matter not at all. 99.5 % of the frum people in this country live in states where Hillary will win by a landslide anyway unfortunately so it make zero difference what the frum people do.