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Blaiming the so called shidduch crises on an alleged age gap can be compared to blaiming the so called unemployment crises on lack of job qualification.
There are always jobs for people who want to work, The job will perhaps not be the one that the candidate is ideally looking for, and maybe not the glamore or salary he seeks; but there is always a job available. And most times, working hard at this job will ultimately produce the desired results and satisfaction.
It’s same thing with shidduchin. There are lots of opportunities and candidates. They might not be the ideal person that one seeks, but by working on the marriage every day (which is required for all successful marriages); the marriage will be happy and successful.
“Please do not call me a ba’al nefesh.”
Sorry, but depending one’s perspective; what appears as a chumra, many times is actually a kulah and conversely, what seems to be a kulah, may really be a chumra. However, I have always felt that the Wolf is consistently on the right track, both halacha-wise and hashkafa-wise. So Wolf, no matter what you may consider yourself, in my book, you are a ba’al nefesh.
Having said that, I may have misread your original post (between the lines) and my response was actually in jest.
“for fear that one day circumstances would change and the psak wuld no longer be valid.”
More for fear for their lives.
Wold, no one gets it.
“a p’sak of R. Yakov Emden”
Rav Yaakov Emden is a das yochid amongst many achronim concerning a mitzvah that had been practiced but is no longer considered a mitzva in our day; Rav Yaakov Emden paskins in a long t’shuva that it is still applicable in out times. I assume that the Wolf does not want everyone to be machmir, only himself as a baal nefesh, to be able to be m’kayim this mitzva.
Dr. Pepper – I agree; enough with this AZ-NASI con game.
AZ, do not pray on our desperate Jewish women with another gimmick. Hashem is m’shadeich z’vugim and does not partner in such hurtful ways. And your parnosseh will also come, regardless.
If you follow what sam4321 posted, you’re ok. Learn the halachos; it’s not so hard. Study “Shmiras Shabbos K’hilchaso” (English) for more details, and leniencies where applicable.
I’m the most serious guy in the CR.
AZ – What happened to the 72 Roshei Yeshiva whom you claimed endorsed NASI; you used to rant about them in all of your earlier NASI posts?
Agreer – don’t give it a second thought and get out of the mess. Women, you will never change your husband’s traits; what you see is what you get.
“You don’t know for sure how they will get the money if not by your donation”
You mean whether they will steal, rob or prostitute themselves; any other options for a drug addict?
So what would you say to the mother who collects money for her daughter’s addiction so that the daughter won’t have to sell herself?
The Rambam says that if a fellow is used to the finer things in life and becomes poor, you are m’chuyiv to support him in the standard of his lifestyle; fine wines, steaks, Brooks Brothers and all.
Daven but don’t be a nudge because you might get what you asking for eventhough you’d be better off without it.
Example: See Parshas Toldos – Hashem promised Yitzchok a child but after many years without a child, Yitzchok bagan to overdo it with t’filos(V’yetar Yitzchok La’shem), so Hashem gave in to Yitzchok and children were born ahead of the intended time, by five years. As a result, Avrohom died five years sooner, as he was supposed to live to 180 but died when Eisav went bad, see Rashi.
About an inch (two finger widths) all around. But you can’t give any woman tochcha or musser unless you know that she will listen.
There is a flip side to this question.
Most addicts will do just about anything to feed their addiction. Many a “frum” girl will sell her body and “frum” men will steal to get their needed fixes. So while your money will indeed be used to temporarily satisfy the addiction, you are also preventing additional aveiros.
Other issues: What about the tobacco addict; $25 of your tzedaka gets burned up every day, or about $8000 a year, to the poor guy who smokes.
And what about the fat collector? If the poor schnorrer is obese and can’t control his food cravings, your tzedaka money is going to the pizza store or restaurant across the street.
And what if the poor guy loves fine wine and spirits?
The only criteria that the torah mentions is that you are to give to your poor brother; the rest is up to him.
Seminaries send professional “recruiters” to high schools where they make a presentation to the twelfth grade girls and afterwards have private sessions with girls who want to explore further.
The method used by this seminary’s recruiter is to ask the girl at the private session what she would like to have in a seminary that she would choose; the type of hashkafa, and what type of girls, etc.
No matter what any girl would say, this seminary would assure these girls, most with totally different objectives, that this is exactly the type of seminary that offers what she is looking for; the girls leave with the impression that it is a perfect match for what she is seeking. Until, of course, all the money is paid and she arrives at the school to find a disaster waiting for her. Be very careful. We frum Yiden are very trustful and easily influenced and let our guard down when dealing with other “frum” entities.
This is a massive amount of money to lose. Stick with a seminary that has a good track record, that are menchin, and as stated earlier..a seminary that your Rov checks out and approves.
Ein Od Milvado – The school misrepresented itself and after a few days our Rav and my daughter’s pricipal instructed her to leave immediately. She went to Sharfman’s where my daughter had a wonderful year. Needless to say, we lost many $thousands.
There are many seminaries and each have a particular focus that is presented to the applicant prior to enrollment. But one seminary can’t be everything to everybody and should not present and sell itself differently to individual applicants; this gives a false impression of the institution.
Be careful and apply to a seminary with a proven record and get the ok from your Rov. While a seminary’s ultimate goal is the current and future wellbeing of the girl, it still needs to be concerned on parnossah and paying bills. But to withhold an entire deposit or year’s tuition and fees and thereby causing so much agmas nefesh, grief, is not the way Hashem provides money to an institution.
“They make you pay the $21K in advance?
Most don’t, Mayanot does.
Most seminaries will make some kind of compromise, but I know that Mayanot will not.
$2400 is ok for a sheitel, but make sure that you’re not taken to the cleaners. I mean, make sure that you don’t take the sheitel to the cleaners; unless you want to face the judge.
I too just got off the site and fail to see any sina, in fact; as just stated above, Ahavas Yisroel is the underlying purpose for which these articles were written.
“Gemora says openly that a dead man could be Moshiach.”
Both the Rambam and the rebbe have said that techiyas ha’meisim cannot occur until after the arrival of a living Moshiach. So which open gemora is that again?
“In my experience with Chabad (and I have quite a bit), the Messianist movement is overblown by a lot of outside people.’
Please prove me wrong. See if you can get any Lubavitcher to say unequivocally that the rebbe is not Moshiach.
The vast majority of Rabbonim and Roshe Yeshiva and Poskim cannot be lying to us. And yes, it is k’fira and apikorsis to believe that a dead man can be Moshiach.
And don’t lecture about loshon hara; see the viciousness of Crown Heights toward Reb Ahron Kotler zt’l, Rav Shach zt’l, the Satmer chassidim, and many others.
Do not mistake a Lubavitch rest stop as a hechsher for their dangerous Moshiach pronouncements.
“Best Aufschnit in the country!”
If by Best, you mean Wurst.
“I always wondered…are things like gum/water included in this issur?”
For gum you are compared to a cow(doimeh L’parah).
Akiva Shammai returned to his Creator, an actual tzadik.
Boro Park Mensch – It’s the quality of the mispalell not the quantity. Why would any shul seek people who have no kavod bais ha’knesses and talk throughout davening.
And find me a Rov or Rebbe in Boro Park who can compare with the erlichkeit and learning ability of Rabbi Snow. You can’t.
Unfortunately, the demographics are working against you and hopefully soon the shul will be transported to Yerushlayim ir hakodesh b’vias hamoshiach and will once again shine in its full glory.
“I am 100% certain Rav Ahron Feldman did NOT say what you claim he did simply because it makes no sense.”
The vast majority of Rabbonim and Roshe Yeshiva and Poskim all say that to believe that a dead man is Moshiach, is kefirah. The same goes for davening to a dead Rebbe, proclaiming that the Rebbe runs the world, and deifying the man.
Unfortunately, this is now the belief of almost all Lubavitchers. It is very rare that you can find one who will say “The Rebbe is not Moshiach”
So what is attributed to Rav Ahron Feldman and all the others, including my Rov, definately makes sense. I wish it weren’t so as this post Rebbe death philosophy has created a split in klall Yisroel that may never be put back together. Lubavitch is now a rudderless ship.
Solution: appoint a new Rebbe and join klall Yisroel as it used to be.
You can not get any Lubavitcher to say the words:
“The Rebbe is not Moshiach”.
I attended a Lubavitch elementary school and fifty years ago they were identifying the Rebbe as Moshiach.
Is lubavitch the only group of Chasidim today that do not wear payos or shtrimel?
Where did you all get these heteirim from?
I’m at work now, so what is the difference between my computer typing and yours at home?
My travel to work and yours to an entertainment event; l’kovod the chag, of course?
I went to one of those yeshivish sukkos concerts last night; it tried to imitate a rock concert, effects and all, and did nothing to inspire me.
“you need to unroll it a tefach erev YT to avoid the issur of ohel/making a tent”
Actually, the thickness of the rolled up tarp is already more than a tefach wide; so you may not need to do any pre-unrolling if it rests on the inside of the sukkah.
Shloks are ok and manageable for small to medium size sukkas; otherwise I agree with golden mom and put the tarp/plastic cover on top of the table.
Also, I’ve seen entire sukkahs collapse due to the heavy rain water accumulation on parts of the shlok; not a pretty sight.
Best of course, if you can afford it, is the in-house sukkah with the roll away roof; but you’re pretty limited in sukkah size.
“I always thought it wasnt nice to”
It’s nice to please your husband.
So what happens when other men get very effected when smelling your perfume? Will their husbands then tell their wives to pour on more perfume to drown out yours?
Using your husband’s logic, women will bathe in perfume so that their husbands will not be affected by the other woman’s scent.
Frankly, I smell something in the air that tells me that your husband would just like to have you in perfume when you’re together, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“several Conservatives who are Shomer Halacha.”
They don’t exist; you mean that you met several conservatives who are culturally traditional, when they feel like it.
Shomer Halacha means that you are bound to the halachos of the Shulchan Aruch and mainstream Poskim; which is contrary to conservative belief and practice.
Without righting the wrong; asking for m’chila is worthless. Even Hashem says, “V’heishiv es ha’gezeila”. First you return what you stole, and then you can ask for forgiveness.
We have a number of daughters and all have had the Israel seminary experience. A well known posek in Flatbush told me that if I sent one daughter to Israel, then I was m’chuyav to send all who wanted to go.
One important warning to all of you reading this post: Some seminaries send out professional recruiters and tell each girl what they want to hear. One of my daughters was taken in by such a recruiter and when she arrived at the seminary, it was nothing like the the recruiters’s pitch. My daughter realized that she had made a terrible mistake. In fact, our Rav and her HS principal instructed her to leave immediately. This seminary pulled out the signed contract and refused to refund any of the $8000 down payment even though they had lots of slots still available. I was lucky that I didn’t have the full $22,000 they required before the start of the term.
Boruch Hashem for Sharfmans, who were understanding of the situation and where my daughter had a wonderful year.
The simanim can be incorporated into the actual meal, rather than the forshpeiz, because otherwise, no one is hungry for all the good food that follows.
There is no evidence of formal dating as a tool for shiduchin in our Torah. In fact, Lavan was the arranger of the sham marriages of his daughters to Yaakov and these arranged marriages seemed to work out pretty well even without Yaakov’s consent to Leah; in spite of the trickerei. So in reality, we have been brainwashed in western modern society.
“He eventually found a shul, with a Meir Baal Haness pushka, and borrowed money from it, and when he got home, he retured the money to a Meir Baal Haness pushka there.”
Yes, but the “pushke owner” lost his commission. As with many pushkes, Meir Baal Haness pushkes are a source of income for many people who place them in stores, shuls, homes, shiva gatherings, etc. and are responsible for collecting the puske funds.
“but when you pay the tzedaka box back you have to give some extra money for that reason- its not a bank”
But it may be ribis.
We have a concept of “Zachin l’adom shelo b’fanav”, someone may acquire ownership an item for an individual, if it is to his advantage and even without his knowledge.
When applied to this case of the tzedaka pushke, it seems to me that the intended tzedaka owns the money as soon as it is placed in the pushke, with the understanding that you will eventually forward the cash amount to the tzedaka entity.
But it doesn’t have to be the actual money which was placed in the pushke, in fact, the tzedaka entity prefers that you send them a check instead of the actual cash.
So it follows, I believe, that as long as you eventually give the tzedaka organization its money, you can go on leaving IOU’s in the pushke as a reminder of your obligation.
“Shidduchim…most that are doing it expect or demand some sort of compensation”
Give me one good reason why you think that it should be free to the recipient?
“they was edited out”
…they were edited out.
oomis1105, nice intro. Earlier, when I posted similar vignettes of our biblical history, for some reason, they was edited out.
I wear cologne because I like its scent. We make a b’racha when smelling spices because we derive pleasure from the aroma; not from the twigs and no one has ever made a pass at me because of my wonderful cologne scent.
Some yeshiva bocher favorites of the 60’s were Conoe, Hai Karate and Jade East; are they still around?
Singles should be wearing cologne and perfume; it may be the answer to the shidduch crisis.
MichaelC – Your Rav did not give you a psak halacha, because there is none; he gave you an eitza tova based upon his personal connection with your personality and history. The Rav may offer a differant opinion to soneone else.
“RABBAIM – BTW at the end of his responsa Reb Moshe writes “and the GD fearing person shall be stringent”.”
Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT’L never wrote that.
Going to the doctor when sick; a Chiyuv (v’nishmartem m’od l’nafshoseichem), or a lack of Bitachon?