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  • in reply to: Mazel Tov! #1223927

    kol daveed
    Member

    I’m officially a chosson!

    in reply to: nEED hELP: Ain Tzur Palkani? #833364

    kol daveed
    Member

    My Name –

    I’m guessing your question is on the Gemara in Berachos? In that case, don’t read “rock”, former/shaper ie H’ formed man and all of existence.

    in reply to: flowers? or too soon? #858723

    kol daveed
    Member

    Ask your Rav. It’s as simple as that.

    in reply to: eating pickled meat on rosh hashana.. #812690

    kol daveed
    Member

    It’s brought in the kitzur shulchan aruch not to eat pickled foods.

    in reply to: How Far Walk to Shul? #810205

    kol daveed
    Member

    Nearly three miles to shul every Shabbos. I pass a dozen or so Israeli/Persian/Chabads along the way, but for a real ashkenaz yeshivish minyan, it’s worth every step.

    in reply to: it will happen at the right time #805213

    kol daveed
    Member

    As my Rav said, “(We need to work) calming down and relaxing everything will come in its right time.”

    When HaKadosh Baruch Hu feels that she is ready for her bashert and he for her, they will surely meet. Everything in this world happens precisely at its right time and not a moment sooner. I would instruct your friend to focus on how she can improve herself so that once she meets her bashert she is ready for him. Until that time when we all meet our basherts, we have the unique opportunity to prepare ourselves – fix our negative middos (anger, arrogance, greed, lust etc.) and develop our positive ones (patience, compassion, respect, etc.), learn skills (cooking, cleaning, time and money management), and to learn Torah. Certainly, one can and should work on himself throughout life, but we have the greatest opportunity now while we are still single and independent to grow the most. Hatzlacha rabbah and Good Shabbos!

    in reply to: How can I change my attitude #804511

    kol daveed
    Member

    Mod 80 – Of course, that goes without saying. What I meant though was that if Chazal felt it necessary to stress this trait time and again (certainly not limited to what I referenced above), we clearly see its importance. In practice, just like in most areas, certainly things are different.

    in reply to: Mazel Tov! #1223679

    kol daveed
    Member

    Mazal tov to all of Klal Yisrael! May this month of Elul herald a year filled with simcha, good health, bracha, parnassa, and talmud Torah for all of us.

    in reply to: How can I change my attitude #804505

    kol daveed
    Member

    MiddlePath and Obaminator –

    This is brought in Pirke Avos – “Hevei Makdim B’Shalom Kol Adam.” (I inquired with my Rav and he said this applies to whomever a person may pass in the street – men and women, Jewish or otherwise.)

    Additionaly from Pirke Avos (1:15) – “Shammai omar: …m’kabayl et kol ha’adam b’sever panim yafot” (Shammai said: …receive everone with a thoughtful, pleasant countenance).

    Lastly, it’s brought in the Gemara in Berachos 6b – “V’amar R’ Chelbo amar Rav Huna: Kol sh’yadua b’chavero sh’hu ragil l’yitain lo Shalom, yakdim lo Shalom…v’eem natan lo, v’lo h’chazeer, nikra gazlan (R’ Chelbo said Rav Huna said: All who know their friend will commonly greet him, he should precede him in greeting…and if (his friend) gives to him (a greeting) and he does not return (the greeting), he’s call a thief.”

    Based on these three pearls from Chazal, we see the importance of greeting another whomever it may be.

    I make it a point to be makdim b’Shalom each time I pass someone in the street by looking them in the eye, smiling, and recognizing that they too were created “b’tzelem Elokim.”

    in reply to: Serious question… #811148

    kol daveed
    Member

    Yehudah Tzvi –

    The gemara in Berachos says that all dreams go after the interpretation and that an uninterpretted dream is like an unopened letter.

    That being the case, here’s my interpretation:

    In your dream, the significant amount of money you came into is a metaphor for the mitzvas you will m’kaiyaim in the coming year. You my friend will be wealthy in the s’char that the Ribono Shel Olam is faithful to repay to those who do His Will. Through this z’chus, He will provide you with monetary reward in order to further your charitable endeavours.

    Regarding the family friend who died, in your dream you witnessed a sick person dying. Accordingly, in the coming year, the sickness itself will in fact die and your friend will have a complete recovery from his/her cancer.

    May only good things come to you, your family, and your loved ones throughout this month of Elul and the coming year.

    in reply to: Canceled #804712

    kol daveed
    Member

    Heartbreaking but “gam zu l’tovah”. On the whole, has there been a greater rate of broken engagements in this generation than the previous?

    in reply to: Saying Tehillim on Shabbos #805446

    kol daveed
    Member

    Hummingbird –

    From what I’ve read (I’m sorry I don’t remember the source) litvak Ashkenazim do not say tehillim on Shabbos for two reasons:

    1. In general we do not make personal requests on Shabbos (as evidenced by changes in the shemoneh esrei – the gemara in brachos says it’s a burder on the tzibur)

    2. Depending who you’re saying tehillim for, it could bring a person to tears and we do not cry or mourn on Shabbos as it is a day of simcha.

    That being said, Sefardim (certainly Persian) and Chabad Chassidim (potentially others as well but I don’t know) say tehillim on Shabbos for cholim.

    in reply to: Larger Kollels Ouside of New York #804002

    kol daveed
    Member

    Los Angeles has a few kollelim between 10-20 avreichem each and I’m there are certainly engineering jobs here that pay well.

    in reply to: Comparing yourself to others #804544

    kol daveed
    Member

    Mommamia22 –

    Please stop for a second and realize who you are. You are a beautiful bas Melech, daughter of the King, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. The Ribono Shel Olam chose you, specifically you, and placed you into this world. He is orchestrating every moment and every aspect of your life, constantly, to achieve the goal that only you can achieve. Everything experience that you’ve had – joy and heartbreak -all of it is from Hashem. And trust me, when you rejoice, Hashem rejoices with you, and when you cry, Hashem is crying with you. The important distinction to make is that when you cry, HaKadosh Baruch Hu gazes at you and says “My beautiful, sweet, pure daughter. My beloved. You mean everything in the world to Me. I created all of this for you, each individual grain of sand, each leaf upon the tree, each stone and each star, it was all for you. Right now I know how much it hurts you and I know it’s difficult, but trust Me, this is what’s best for you. Through these challenges – and I know they’re difficult and I know they’re many – you will grow as you need to and this is why I put you here.”

    This knowledge is absolutely fundamental. What happens to us in our lives, all of it, comes from Hashem. We say every day in morning berachos “Baruch Atah H’ Elokaynu Melech Ha’olam sh’Asah li kol tzarki.” What’s the simple meaning? Hashem provides our needs – food, water, shelter, etc. What’s the deeper meaning? Sh’Asah Li (that which Hashem does for me), kol (all of it – pain, hurt, sorrow, misfortune), tzarki (is my need. It is necessary for me at this very moment).

    I hope this provides you with some chizuk. By all means, please reply and we can talk more.

    Kol D’aveed Rachmana, l’tov aveed – All that the Mericful One does, He does it for good

    in reply to: Wilson Disease #804432

    kol daveed
    Member

    Mod 80 –

    I admit when I am wrong and now I am wrong. Will you please mochail me? Thank you.

    in reply to: Wilson Disease #804423

    kol daveed
    Member

    Moderator-80 – A Mamim is one of our Jewish brothers. It’s possible he doesn’t use the internet or isn’t familiar with google or wikipedia. Rather than snap at him, we should be helping him especially considering it’s Elul.

    in reply to: micheal savage??? #804598

    kol daveed
    Member

    Blaming Hollywood is misleading at the very least as the problem isn’t limited to Hollywood. Rather, the problem is the media in general as it develops within us expectations of what is normal in all areas of our lives – relationships, work, fun, etc. Moreover, the distinction between Hollywood and the media is that Hollywood connotes film entertainment (television and movies) whereas the media is much broader and includes newspapers, talk radio, online content, etc.

    Every year by the Three Weeks when I listen to talk radio instead of music I realize that what the ugly, filthy, hate-filled content on talk radio is just as bad if not worse than the other media that America consumes. The only difference is that somehow frum Jews like ourselves have been convinced that this is “kosher,” but this is certainly not the case. It is for us to realize that just as gazing at some goyishe beheimah in an un-tzniust outfit on a movie screen is tumah, so too is listening to and accepting the conclusions of any media outlet (conservative, liberal, etc.) because it too is at odds with Torah. We need to remember that everything has an affect upon our neshamas not only what we watch, but also what we listen to, and read, how we speak, act, and react, and all of this impacts how we connect to HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

    in reply to: How do you deal with negative people? #801488

    kol daveed
    Member

    Goq –

    From reading your posts in this and other threads I know you’re an intelligent individual and you possess emunah. Who put this woman (and everyone else for that matter) in your world? HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Hashem acts for a reason and with purpose. It’s our goal us to figure out what that reason or purpose is and to respond appropriately. I’m certain you can reach the right conclusion and act accordingly.

    in reply to: Life as the son of a Child Molester: My story #819649

    kol daveed
    Member

    MP –

    Your emunah and bitachon is beautiful. I do not hesitate to say that you are a source of chizuk for me and all others who read your post. As we know, Hashem placed us into this world and crafted our very existence to the nth degree. Know that everything you go through – joy and sorrow, triumph and tragedy, success and failure – all of it was and is orchestrated by HaKadosh Baruch Hu for your sake so that you may attain your potential. I pray that Hashem should lead you on the path that is meant for you according to His Will and that you have the strength to accept His chesed and din b’laiv shalaim.

    in reply to: Helping Fat People Lose Weight #801956

    kol daveed
    Member

    Truth be told, the trick is many small, healthy meals through the deal plus moderate exercise. I eat a light breakfast in the morning (egg whites or yogurt)then go to work and eat a light meal every 1.5 to 2 hours (peach/other fruit, tuna or chicken, cooked veggies or salad with lemon juice, handful of almonds, etc.). This way by the end of the day my blood sugar hasn’t been spiking or dropping and I can eat a light dinner in the mid to late afternoon before sleeping a few hours later. The perks of this are that I’m really never hungry nor am I overly full and sluggish. Moreover, I don’t actually feel like I’m dieting and my metabolism remains where it should be.

    “B’derech she’adam rotzei lailaich bah, molichin oto” Hashem should lead you all on the road to healthier, happier, and more fulfilling lives. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

    in reply to: aahhh…FIRST DATE…HEEELLP!!! #804064

    kol daveed
    Member

    2Cute – First off, you have nothing to worry about because HaKadosh Baruch Hu runs the world. To calm down a little bit, I recommend getting some slight exercise (run/jog for a mile or so). When you see him just be nice and smile. He’s going to ask you questions about yourself, family, interests, etc. and you should do the same.

    The most important thing to remember is not to worry. Hashem runs the world! You’re fine. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

    in reply to: ATTN: Singles :( #801278

    kol daveed
    Member

    Goq –

    Of course! Lets try a different reading – Hachi K’amar: HaKadosh Baruch Hu runs the world. Everyone needs to daven, perform acts of chesed, and improve ourselves. For singles, Hashem is going to introduce us to our zivug when it is right for each of us. We all need to stay positive and keeping working on ourselves.

    in reply to: ATTN: Singles :( #801276

    kol daveed
    Member

    All –

    HaKadosh Baruch Hu runs the world. We need to daven, perform acts of chesed, and improve ourselves, but ultimately, Hashem is going to introduce us to our zivug when it is right for each of us. We all need to stay positive and keeping working on ourselves. May we all be zoche to meet our zivug in the right time!

    in reply to: Wish me luck! I need it TODAY!!! #801084

    kol daveed
    Member

    Hatzlacha Rabbah! May Hashem lead you on His path according to His Will.

    in reply to: My New Subtitle #993404

    kol daveed
    Member

    Mods –

    I would like a subtitle as well. Thank you for your help.

    in reply to: Need some shidduch advice…. #1205904

    kol daveed
    Member

    Please use a shadchan and preferably your Rav. Hatzlacha Rabba!

    in reply to: please say tehillim #799421

    kol daveed
    Member

    Kuf lamed & kuf chaf aleph for a refuah sheleima for Gefen. May we hear besoros tovos!

    in reply to: A question about being self- centered #804166

    kol daveed
    Member

    MW13 –

    “I wouldn’t call it schar, only a reality; helping others leads to fulfillment. Just like one would not say that being full is schar for eating, being fulfilled is not schar for helping others; its just the natural effect.”

    The issue with this is that the Ribono Shel Olam runs the world. Accordingly, nothing can be said to be “natural,” but rather is precisely calculated as to when and how to occur by none other than Hashem Himself. Being full may not be schar for eating, but a person may eat a given shiur of food and thereafter feel content, hungry, sick, etc. This feeling then necessarily is either schar or onesh not based upon eating but based upon what Hashem deems is necessary for this person to experience at this time. So too when performs an act of chesed and feels fulfilled therafter, this feeling of “fulfillment” is a gift from HaKadosh Baruch Hu. In fact, we know this from the famous gemara we say each morning after Birchas HaTorah “Alu devarim sh’adam ochail paroteichem b’olam hazeh v’hakeren kayamet b’olam haba…ugemilut chassadim…” I would hasten a guess that this feeling of fulfillment is amongst the “parot” of gemilut chassadim.

    My entire point here is that doing “good” for any reason not involving Hashem is worth nothing. And if this “good” is worth nothing, one cannot merit anything through its.

    – We may not be able to find common ground on this point because I believe you are categorically wrong (and I would imagine you think/feel the same). My friend, for 21 years I “did good” without any notion or idea of Hashem. Was I in some way opposed to Hashem? No, absolutely not. Rather it was lav da’atay. Being raised in a secular Jewish home, Hashem couldn’t even be said to have been an afterthought. Yet, through the infinite mercy of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, I was exposed to Torah and returned. So I ask you, by what did I merit this tremendous chesed? Ok so maybe you can argue it had nothing to do with how I lived my life up until that point. Fine. So from another angle then, we know that from the gemara in Berachos (61b – about a dozen lines down) that reshaiim are repaid their s’char in full in this world: V’amar Rava: lo ebrei alma ela l’reshaii gamurei or l’tzadikei gamurei. Rashi on l’reshaii gamurei – Ha’olam hazeh. Sh’ain lahem b’olam haba klum v’tzarichin limol (sp?) s’charan can. K’gon achav, sh’hayah asheer me’od (And Rava said: The world was not created excepted for the sake of the completely wicked or the completely righteous. Rashi on “for the sake of the complete wicked – (is) this world for there is not to them the world to come whatsoever and it’s needed to repay their s’char (reward) here. Such an example is Achav (one of the most wicked kings of the Jewish people) who was very wealthy). Unless you can make the argument that rashaiim gamurim are also doing good involving Hashem (which is farfetched to say the least), I do not see how you can say “and one cannot merit anything through it (sic).”

    Looking forward to your response.

    in reply to: What People Do to Have a Good Time #799902

    kol daveed
    Member

    1. Learning Torah. Each individual letter is a gift from HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

    2. In addition to that, helping others. Whatever Hashem has blessed me with in this world – strength, energy, intellect, parnassa, etc., I know it’s ideal use is sharing it with another.

    in reply to: Teenage girls and older chewing gum on the street #800865

    kol daveed
    Member

    As Yidden, we should be doing everything possible to reflect our lofty madrega. We must keep in mind that we represent HaKadosh Baruch Hu. I’m not saying chewing gum is right or wrong, but we need to realize that their is an ideal and proper way for every aspect of our lives – how we eat, speak, act, and think, what we look at, listen to, follow, smell, etc. Remember, we are enjoined to be kadosh. BH we are kadosh! The Ribono Shel Olam created worlds innumerable – solar systems, galaxies, stars, planets, multitudes of melachim beyond number, plant and animal species beyond comprehension, billions of human beings throughout history. And, out of all of this, who does He have? Who does He cherish above all else? Us, Klal Yisrael. I hope this message reaches your hearts and we work to improve ourselves in all aspects of our lives. If not for your sake or my sake, then for the sake of Avinu Sh’b’Shamayim Who for our sake and our sake alone brought creation into existence.

    in reply to: A question about being self- centered #804157

    kol daveed
    Member

    MW13, Gavra, et al –

    MW13 said “Being ‘moral’ only because you have decided that it is the right thing to do is worth nothing.” Well, yes and no. Certainly there is schar in this world and this is the reward of the individual in question(I believe Gavra stated this above). Something we’ve neglected to note (and much more importantly), is that if this person truly does leave a righteous life (albeit without G-d), then potentially through this non-believer’s deeds/morality he merits some siyata d’Shmaya through which he comes to belief in G-d. In all likelihood, this may be some of this person’s “schar” in this world ie greater assistance in recognizing Hashem’s existence.

    Ultimately, I don’t think we can belittle the merit a mitzvah/good deed/moral lifestyle, whether or not he is a believer. It may very well be that he returns to Hashem through the merit of these mitzvahs/good deeds/moral lifestyle. As we all know, Hashem is faithful to repay reward and what greater reward can there be for an individual than to come to the solid belief and knowledge of the existence of HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

    in reply to: Using Pins and Clips on yarmulkas #798813

    kol daveed
    Member

    Real-Brisker –

    If I had to hasten a guess it’s due to the different types of yarmulkes worn in the different circles. When I first became frum I was wearing a suede yarmulke and had trouble keeping it on my head so it necessitated a clip/pin. As I grew in my Yiddishkeit and Avoda and began to associate with the Yeshivish community, I upgraded (tongue-in-cheek) to a felt yarmulke. Due to the size, material, etc. this yarmulke keeps on my head without a clip/pin. In conclusion, the respective yarmulke style in each community either necessitates or does not necessitate a clip. Kol tuv.

    in reply to: A question about being self- centered #804152

    kol daveed
    Member

    MiddlePath –

    Of course a person can still practice good deeds if he doesn’t believe in G-d. My point was that his reasons for doing so are relative (I do what I think is right) vs. absolute (this is what HaKadosh Baruch Hu decreed for us to follow). The issue with moral relativism (what a non believer would follow when doing good deeds) is that my personal morals (don’t kill, don’t steal, etc.) have as much bearing as another’s personal morals. Thus when two relative moralities are in conflict – my morals say don’t kill, steal, etc. whereas anothers say kill, steal, etc. whose takes precedence? Accordingly, although a personal could and very well may live a “moral life” without G-d in it, it is still a relative morality. Hope this clarifies.

    in reply to: A question about being self- centered #804142

    kol daveed
    Member

    Middle Path –

    You bring up a real difficulty when you said, “If he doesn’t believe in G-d, he will have no problem stealing, murdering, etc., because the only thing preventing him from doing such things is that ‘G-d said not to.'” As strange as it may be to say it, this is in fact the reality of the situation. An individual who does not believe in G-d lacks any real imperative to be what we would deem a “good” person. When I say lacks any real imperative, I mean an absolute imperative. IE he may not murder, steal, cheat, etc. because of fear of getting caught, being ostracized by society, or because he personally feels it to be wrong. But, these are all relative reasons. It is only through H’ that we have an absolute right or wrong and with that a real, external and immutable, reason and chiuv to perform mitzvahs and avoid aveiras. That being the case, if one were to remove G-d from the situation (so to speak), there’s no real reason to help another, honor parents, etc. as well as not to murder, steal, cheat, etc. Granted, society may very well disagree with what an individual does, but once again society’s norms are relative norms (think Nazi Germany Yemach Shmo). One could argue, “Derech Eretz Kadma l’Torah,” but that still only applies in a framework where there is G-d. Removing G-d from the situation also removes all moral imperatives. Looking forward to your response.

    in reply to: Tu b'av- The holiday of tachanun #798065

    kol daveed
    Member

    I understand tachanun isn’t particularly “fun” to say and so it’s a relief for many when we’re exempt from saying it. Nonetheless, when a person is truly broken both in body and spirit, and he says “V’yomer David el Gad, ‘Tzar li me’od'” and then pauses and thinks to himself – I’m not just describing how David hamelech felt, but how I myself feel this very moment (ie tzar li me’od). There’s an incredible opportunity for growth, reflection, and as we approach the end of tachanun, solace and hope.

    The Anshe Knesset HaGadol and Chazal instituted tefillah in this particular seder and manner because it is applicable to our own lives. Our role is pour our hearts out to HaKadosh Baruch Hu in pure tefillah in the way in which it was instituted. If we spend just a few minutes each day reflecting on the meaning of the words in our tefillahs, imagine how much we will gain.

    in reply to: what do you do #798822

    kol daveed
    Member

    I work as a business consultant to the entertainment studios (business side only – less tumah).

    in reply to: Oh Yeah! #798128

    kol daveed
    Member

    Guys, we need to stop bashing one another. Whether it’s over one’s lack of grammar or meticulous use of grammar/punctuation/diction , it does not a difference. Please consider what forum we are in – Yeshiva World News. Who populates this forum? I would hasten a guess that we are all Torah Jews. That being the case, lets respect one another as is appropriate to each of our individual madregas. Thank you.

    in reply to: IDEAS ANYBODY?! #798330

    kol daveed
    Member

    Bocci Ball is outdoorsy, fun, and inexpensive (you should be able to get a set for $20). Enjoy!

    in reply to: running in the rain #798108

    kol daveed
    Member

    Copied from Yahoo Answers…

    As a general rule, running will make you wetter, because you not only get hit from above, you also run into the raindrops which would hit the ground if you were walking. It is possible that walking will leave you wetter under some circumstances, however: the difference is down to the direction & speed of the rainfall.

    If it’s windy & the rain is aimed in the same direction as you are headed, you can avoid getting hit as much by moving at just the right speed to not let it hit you from behind, & not run into it ahead of you. Your head will still get wet, of course, but overall you’ll end up drier.

    If you’re moving against the wind, on the other hand, the slower you go the less you get hit per unit of time, but the longer you take… optimal speed is dependent on far too many variables to judge beforehand (& likely in the thick of it as well). Other angles complicate the issue even further.

    Gauging the right speed to avoid the raindrops is almost impossible even when you’re going with the rain, though… it’s merely a mathematical setup, easily disrupted by a change in the wind. It works great on paper, where the only variables are your speed & the direction of the rain. In practice, you’re probably better off walking, as Mythbusters showed.

    in reply to: ATTN: Singles :( #801268

    kol daveed
    Member

    Each day should only get better. For you and for all of us.

    in reply to: Wish me luck this week #800402

    kol daveed
    Member

    My friend, Hashem should lead you on His path, according to His will. I pray that you have the strength and courage to accept whatever HaKadosh Baruch Hu places before you b’leiv shalaim. That being said, may you have hatzlacha rabbah in all of your undertakings that are in accordance with the Ratzon Hashem.

    in reply to: ATTN: Singles :( #801265

    kol daveed
    Member

    My friend, there’s something we need to realize. Each and every day our bashert is davening to Hashem with tears in her eyes, “Ribono Shel Olam. Please, I beg you, send me my zivug. May we meet soon. May we cleave to You and one another. May we grow in Torah and in love. May we build a Torah home together and live our lives b’taharah u’b’kedusha. May be bring into this world many, many children – healthy, happy, pure, beautiful children. Children who love you and fear You. Children who honor and revere their parents. And may we raise them in the derech of Torah and Mitzvos.”

    Then, your bashert finishes her tefillah, sad, yet hopeful, and wipes the tears from her eyes. Those tefillos then reach HaKadosh Baruch Hu. HaKadosh Baruch Hu then cries, shedding streams of tears for His children who want nothing more than to build a Torah home together and bring His Will into this world. At that point, He then looks at you and says, “As much pain as this rejection is for ________, My pure, sweet, beautiful child, I know that if he could see how hard his bashert was davening for him, he would glady accept every rejection b’leiv shalaim, knowing that it’s bringing him closer to his zivug.

    I hope this offers you some degree of solace and nechama. May we all be zoche to meet and marry our basherts b’karov.

    in reply to: Davening for a Presidential Candidate #885730

    kol daveed
    Member

    Hashem runs the world. Daven for a president who will show favor to the Jewish people and Eretz Yisrael. As for a particular candidate, it seems inappropriate because we cannot know what is good for us.

    Wolf – You’re correct in theory that you can daven for almost anything (although there’s a concept of tefillah shav brought in the ninth perek of Berachos – ie, one hears a scream and davens that it didn’t come from his house. Clearly because this is after the fact, it’s a wasteful tefillah). But, just because you can daven for nearly anything, doesn’t necessarily mean that you should.

    Avram – It’s better to daven for foolish things than to not daven at all. Given that Hashem already knows what we want and need, what’s the purpose of davening? It’s for us to realize and appreciate that He is the source of all. Davening for a political candidate is silly given that we don’t know what is good for us, but at least the person standing before Hashem is recognizing or coming to recognize who really runs the world.

    in reply to: I need to get this rant off my chest! #799105

    kol daveed
    Member

    Mod 80 – There’s a story I read of a BT who years before returning to Yiddishkeit witnessed a few Torah Jews walking together on Shabbos. He how happy, fulfilled, and at peace they were. That small insight into what a frum life should be was enough inspiration for this man to change his own life and come back.

    Our individual actions are of the utmost importance because we don’t know who is watching and the repercussions both positive and negative are without limit. When it comes to ourselves, we need to be honest and harsh judges. Why am I acting/speaking/thinking the way that I am and is it proper? When it comes to our brothers and sisters, we need to give them the benefit of the doubt and lead by example.

    in reply to: I need to get this rant off my chest! #799100

    kol daveed
    Member

    I understand and recognize this issue and yes, it is certainly sad when members of Klal Yisrael act in such a way as to bring shame to themselves, the Klal, and HaKadosh Baruch Hu. That being said, we need to recognize that the only individual we can control is ourselves. Moreover, the most effective way we can change others is to first change ourselves and serve as an inspiration for others. I believe it’s said by the saintly Chofetz Chaim ZTL that as a young man he wanted to change the world, then resigned himself to only changing Poland, then Radin, and finally only himself. Yet, in perfecting himself, he revolutionized Radin, Poland, and the world.

    Lastly, I think the following explanation from the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (copied from http://torah.org/learning/halacha/classes/class79.html) is especially relevant:

    “One should regard everyone else as greater than himself…If the other person is on a lower level, both with regard to wisdom and financial standing, one should consider him more righteous. Since, his is less learned, should he commit a sin, it is considered to be an inadvertent and involuntary act. However, when one commits a sin oneself, it is considered to be a willful violation.” That being the case, when we Chas v’Shalom see one of our own fall, we need to give them the benefit of the doubt and think maybe on their madrega, this action simply wasn’t one of bechira (for more on this refer to Michtav M’Eliyahu – R’ Dessler).

    in reply to: Commiting to two dates?? #797639

    kol daveed
    Member

    Having dated for a little while now I’ve come to realize that, like everything else in life, this is simply hishtadlus. What’s my goal on a date? Ensure the girl is comfortable, make her smile, and make her laugh, etc. Through this process I’ll be able to discern what kind of girl she is and if there’s potential for us to build our lives together. Ultimately though, this is in Hashem’s hands and when it’s the Ratzon H’ that I meet my kallah, I will certainly meet her. In the interim, each shidduch and eat date is an opportunity for chesed – to laugh at their jokes, hear them tell their story, to empathize and sympathize with another member ok Klal Yisrael. Trust me, acting in this manner will certainly gain more favor with the HaKadosh Baruch Hu and hasten our meeting our own basherts than treating his sons and daughters in a crass and callous manner.

    in reply to: How To Raise My Self-Esteem #797597

    kol daveed
    Member

    Am Yisrael Chai,

    Thank you for your kind words, but truth be told those words were paraphrased from my Rav and I’m beyond fortunate to have his influence in my life.

    There’s one thing that we all (Yeshivish/Chassidish/Sephardim/MO/and whatever else) need to remember: Klal Yisrael is one body and one soul. What happens to one of us, happens to all of us. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we merit Hashem’s limitless love and support.

    As to how xbp or bpt will know it’s me, when they enter the room I’ll be the one who stands up to greet the children of the King.

    in reply to: How To Raise My Self-Esteem #797595

    kol daveed
    Member

    Sorry, i got the three letter acronym wrong. the above message is also for xbp… truth be told it applies to each and every one of us. We’re all banim shel HaKadosh Baruch Hu.

    in reply to: How To Raise My Self-Esteem #797594

    kol daveed
    Member

    BPT –

    I don’t know you and in all likelihood I will never you. There’s one thing I do know though, you are a child of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, handcrafted by Him and placed into this world for a specific purpose and mission that only you can fulfill. You yourself were created b’tzelem Elokim. Do you realize the weight and gravity of that statement? The Ribon shel Olamim, the One who counts the stars and knows them by name, singlehandedly fashioned you in His image and tailored made your life and your world specifically for you. Every person you come across, every interaction, every sight, smell, and sound, it was placed into this world for YOU. This world, with all its billions of peoples, plants, animals, etc. was fitting to be created solely for YOU. Mamash you are royalty, a child of the King, the Melech Malchei Hamalachim, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Like I said before, I don’t know you and in all likelihood I will never have the honor of meeting you, real royalty, but unfortunatley that’s my loss. Hashem should continue to bless you, watch over you, and guide you on the path that is fit for you.

    in reply to: In honor of Tisha B'av. What you respect about… #1165150

    kol daveed
    Member

    Lately I’ve been the token Ashkenaz in an older Persian minyan. Depsite the language barrier, I have never met such a beautiful and inclusive group of Yidden – outgoing, friendly, and compassionate.

    And I respect the reform, convservative, unaffiliated Jews, mainly college students lacking a Torah background, mesorah, or any semblance of proper chinuch, surrounded by indescribable amounts of tumah in their upbringings, who shed themselves of their past and return to a genuine Torah lifestyle.

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