Forum Replies Created
daasyochid…I was refering to missing Yom Tov candlelighting bec. one fell asleep(not feeling well)and woke up the next morning realizing they forgot to light Yom Tov licht.
toomuch00….sorry, you’re right I totally missed the part about you mentioning you had it and were going to therapy.
Hatzlocha! and Brochos for all good things in your life.
toomuch00…I’ve written about this in another thread…alot of people may tell you that what your are going through is because you might be shy, not self confident..etc..What you are expressing “anxious, looking or acting like an idiot..what others may think, how they judge you” this may point to something called “social anxiety”. Like someone commented here, a good portion of people unknowingly suffer from this and think it’s something you will just outgrow through your teenage years. My niece had a simialr situation like you and she ended up going to therapy..behavioral cognitive therapy…which changed her world. She had to work hard at it, but Boruch Hashem she is in her 20s and is thriving and productive. Last weeks Mishpacha had an article about social anxiety (it should’ve been more thorough in information). I’m not doing a diagnosis here…just letting you know that if all this “anxiety” is taking over your life, you might want to look into therapy. Hatzlocha!
Does anyone know the halacha if someone forgot to light a candle on Yom Tov (not shabbos)…does the same psak apply about adding an extra candle or does it only pertain to Shabbos Candle lighting.
There’s a Frum girls Drama program in a major city in U.S.A. that takes place during the year on Sundays (lots of Bais Yaakov type girls). They practice a whole year and perform in June. The Drama Head choses Broadway musicals and gears the whole script to a Jewish theme….Like “the Sound of Music” is called the “Sound of Torah” and the musical “Annie” is called “Chanie” and so on. These are enjoyable performances infused with Yiddishe themes sung to original music of the Broadway show. The Lyrics are adjusted to match the Jewish storyline. On performance day the Giant Auditorium is packed to capacity with Frum Mothers and Daughters from all walks of life and everyone enjoys the show. Here is a situation where you take something unholy and turn it into holy. It seems that there’s a one-upmanship on who could be frummer than the other…Between all the bans going on and people scrutinizing how frum one should or could be…it will only bring about Sinas Chinom when we surely need more AHAVAS YISROEL going on!
to Musical dignity…..there are many Jewish songs that we sing that is derived from an original non-jewish tune. You wouldn’t know it…but even many tunes for niggunim originated from folk songs or songs from the town, province or country from where the chassidus started. You probably dance at weddings to the song “Yidden, Yidden kimpt Aheim” by Mordechai ben David…well, that original song and tune comes from a Old German Rock Band. Someone showed me the video of this Rock Band singing their song and you would be quite surprised. However, I agree with Disrael613….what is wrong that we take something unholy and turn it into Holy. We are here on this world to elevate the unholy to holy.
Hersheys has a proper Kosher certification on their Kosher products. If this Hersheys N’ More Caramel Bar did not have a Hechsher on the label then it means that this specific product is not valid as Kosher.
I personally know Two couples where the boy was 23-24 and the girl
was 27 yrs. old when they got married. They are both married approx. Five years with kids and they are very happy. Of course when people heard the Shidduch their first reaction was of total disbelief….but Boruch Hashem it’s working out nicely. Also, Twenty-five years ago my sister-in-law at age 24 married a guy who was 22 at the time (then it wasn’t so common and is more acceptable now) they have a large family and are Boruch Hashem very happy together. With the Shidduch crisis today, people should be more open to this idea and help establish more Yiddishe families for Klal Yisroel.November 13, 2011 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm in reply to: Murderer in Jail saids he will kill Rav Ovadia Yosef in 45 Days #825822
If you read the original article (not here). It says this guy, Meir Brandes ia from Tzfat is psychotic and in a mental hospital.November 11, 2011 3:25 am at 3:25 am in reply to: What is the difference between a seminary girl and a cell phone? #825924
How do you expect a boy to have a plan for marriage?
All he is told is that the only honorable thing for him to do is to sit and learn in Kollel, knowing that his wife will have gone to a higher education school to be prepared for a parnassa.
She will be the breadwinner, the baby carrier, a busy Mother
and everything else. knowing this, Why would any bachur be motivated to have a plan. The system is messed. There has to be a better way. Once upon a time it was honorable to be a professional or just a good job and still set aside time to learn and be involved with Ruchnius things. Many pious Jews and Rabbonim as well were working for their families whilst still dedicated to learning with a shiur in the morning and then again at night. If there are no “Zevulans” in our midst..who will help support all the Torah institutions?
I know a family with 4 girls all ready to get married
Their ages are 26, 25, 23, 22…..the mother can’t bear to let
any of the younger daughters go ahead and so the younger daughters are still waiting. Yes, there have been shidduchim “redt” for some of the younger daughters (that was
not Shayich for the oldest). It doesn’t seem fair. Why hold
back the chance of the younger daughters building a Bayis Neeman B’yisroel if there are boys who want to date them. I know it’s very hard for parents to see their older daughter going through this. I have a niece who went ahead of her older sister. A shidduch came up and she asked her older sister for permission and
Boruch Hashem she happily agreed. It’s a very touchy subject. May all of klal yisroel who need Shidduchim be blessed with their bashert B’korov!
There is a Shidduch crisis going on….like bpt commented…
unless you have a child, niece, nephew, sibling, friend that’s in the parsha you might not have a clue as to the crisis.
There are families with older children not yet married, there are families with 3 or 4 daughters in a row dealing with making shidduchim. What’s changed from the European Shtetl and even the years leading up to the mid-1990’s is that the dynamics changed.
Once upon a time before college (touro..etc)or higher education was introduced, the average yeshiva boy and bais yaakov girl (or similar)finished their Jewish schooling and got married…it was more of an insular world. Both were more naive and simple in the ways of the world. Also, the average class size in a frum Yeshiva back then was 25 kids. Today, each grade has at least 4 classes each with over 100 students per grade. (In the shtetl it was a miracle if your large family survived, many children died from dieseases that did not have a cure or pennicillin needed)
With the advent of college, girls are not so naive anymore. They have higher education, became more worldly, have college degrees, had a taste of the working world $$$. Boys have become more materialistic, wanting only beautiful skinny girls and finding a Father-in-law to support. Whereas, once upon a time the word DIET and MANICURES did not exist and plenty girls who were a higher size than size 4 and were not necessarily all “farputzed”, were Boruch Hashem all married bec. the Bochurim were more simple and did not have a criteria list up to the moon back then. We have now also added the many descriptive categories of backgrounds that did not exist once upon a time…like…Yeshivish, Yeshivish-modern, Yeshivish-with a college degree, Litvish with same above descriptions…white shirt, colored shirts…Kollel, Working boy etc.
Bais Yaakov, Bais Yaakov with college degree, Bais Yaakov-modern etc…These lists have added more pressure to the Parsha of Shidduchim. May Hakodosh Boruch Hu bless all of Klal Yisroel who are in need of Shidduchim to find their right Zivug BKOROV!
About 2 years ago there was this very question posed to
Yael Respler in her column in the Jewish press about young couples going out to dinner together etc…She said
“it was not a good idea” and expounded on it. Since she
is a family therapist, I’m assuming that she had personally counseled Frum couples who were in such a situation where something might’ve happened.
It could be that she’s not actually involved with the boy but simply has a crush on him and obtained a picture as well.
This could be a very dreamy teen who is hoping that the neighbor will notice her. It’s very likely the boy has no idea that his neighbor has a crush on him or even has his picture.
oops, correction from above comment
I meant “their daughter marrying a Kollel boy”
I’ve heard of the FLOP option…but I never knew the letter S was added to the word. When did the Sheital addition begin.
Why put more pressure on the Chossons family and the need to buy a shaitel for the Kallah ($2000 plus ) on top of all other expenses. Why isn’t it feasible for the Kallah’s family to buy their daughter her own shaitel. Who decides what’s acceptable or not in the list of requirements? If one decides to do 50/50 are they still required to buy a shaitel for the Kallah or does that only apply if they do FLOP.
May it be a Bayis Ne’eman B’yisroel, Binyan Adei Ad !!!
of course it is normal to have anxiety in certain situations…but from experiencing this personally with my niece,
I can tell you that the words XBP used in her posts to describe what she was going through rang very familiar to what my niece was going through. Sometimes “Social Anxiety” can go beyond the normal fears. I highly recommend that you google the words Social Anxiety or Social Phobia …and once you read through it you will gain more knowledge about it. It took a few years of cognitive therapy to undo the fears and thoughts that my niece had with Social Anxiety. If it’s not dealt with early, a person could go into Adulthood with these continued everyday fears and it interferes with normal daily life . Today she has Boruch Hashem conquered the social anxiety she experienced and is a happy productive young lady. Blessings for Good Health to all!!!
I’ve been asked a few times to speak publicly in a small setting.
I’ve always declined the request bec. I’m a private person and didnt feel comfortable. However, last week I was asked again and I decided to go for it! It is very empowering. I finally broke the ice and it really felt good…especially if you get good
feedback you will want to try it again and again.
A couple we know in our community had a similar story.
When it came time to break the glass under the Chuppah,
the sharp broken glass pierced right through the Chossons
thin soled shoe and he was bleeding profusely from his foot.
They took him to the hospital and he was gone most of the
rest of the wedding. No dancing for him. Anyway, they are
married 25 years and have married kids and eineklach and
they are very happy B”H.
If you had read the comments on the YWN News regarding
this Psak…..one of the posted comments spoke about what goes
on at After Hours, when the volunteers are catching a bite, or taking a break, they mingle in a way that is not appropriate for a Frum boy/girl. He continued to write that his FRUM good friend who is a volunteer ended up marrying one of the volunteers who it seems was not from a Frum family. We are all human and things can happen. The Rabbonim obviously are putting out this Psak because of Tznius and the dangers of boys and girls mingling on the job and what it may lead to…It was not attacking the actual mitzvah of Pikuach Nefesh.
I also did not do well in Math in school. Most of my siblings were also struggling in Algebra 1 & 2 and the like.
However, we did well in Geometry.
My family members are RIGHT BRAINERS…they are more geared
to History, Literature and the Arts = drama, song & dance
and very creative people. LEFT BRAINERS are usually highly academic and love Math and Sciences. Math was stressful as well for me… Maybe they should open a school for Right Brainers so students don’t have to struggle and instead have accounting and classes on how to be finacially savvy in ones life.
Unless the system changes, we are raising a poverty stricken generation. Not too long ago many erliche yidden became businessmen and also set aside a substantial amount of time for Torah learning… Our Torah teaches us the concept of
“Yissachar and Zevulan”, however, in the past 20 years an entire generation is being taught that KOLLEL is the only way of life and we have banished the concept of parnassah=businessman.
Those who are not in Kollel walk around in shame. Why was earning a living good enough for our parents…who raised us with complete Yiras Shamayim and a love for Torah and Yiddishkeit and it’s not good enough for today? If there are no “Zevulans” in our Jewish Community then who will support our Educational Moisdos and other Tzedokah organizations. The entire burden has been put on the working parents. What happens when the Kollel couple are now marrying off their children and they have NO money to give to them. The cycle can’t last. A generation of our own young men have been taught to be “takers” and don’t have an idea what it means to work hard and make a living (of course there are exceptions) All they know is that the girl being “redt” for them should have a way to support them…this affects many fine yiddishe girls with no money..to have many more prospects of Shidduchim had the family had money…. Time for change.
Of course I say Hello.
Seeing the postman/woman drop the mail in my box…I say Good afternoon.
Passing the usual people on my morning walk, I say Good morning.
If i get a delivery to my home..I say hello.
When walking to and from Shul on Shabbos I say “gut shabbos” to Yidden from all walks of life.
got it! wasn’t paying attention
You need to spellcheck your post.
The correct spelling is WHICH….not Witch as in “an evil witch on a broom” but rather WHICH…as in WHICH one do you check?
There is no Halacha regarding wearing nailpolish….Maybe it’s part of someones Hashkofas in regard to being more Eidel in their appearance. It’s a personal choice in family Lifestyle and if you feel you need your Ravs advice and Haskoma then thats your private agenda.
Also try to stay away from anything Dairy. I know it’s hard to do, but start introducing Soy Milk . I know at least 5 teenagers from my community that went on Accutane after trying everything possible for years…from soaps, topical ointments, antibiotics etc. none of these things helped. They went on Accutane and it cleared them up completely and they have beautiful skin now.
Accutane is a very personal decision. It needs to be talked over with a proper Dermatologist and you need to be aware of all the facts and potential side effects. You have to dedicate at least 6 months of being on this drug, with very dry skin, always needing vaseline for your lips, lots of water, stay completely out of the sun and monthly blood tests to monitor your liver.
If you are a female, you would also need to be informed of the dangers of pregnancy while being on Accutane….so it’s best to be completely done with it a good year before Shidduchim so that any traces of the drug leaves your body. Hatzlocha Rabbah!
Stay away from White sugar, Dairy, White flour products which include white rice, white pasta, white potatoes, white bread.
Stick to only PURE Whole Wheat products (or spelt etc.)
It will do wonders to your skin and you will have a side benefit of losing some weight (if needed). My friend tried it and it did wonders for her skin. It may be difficult to keep up with this way of eating ,but give it a try.
MODS, what happened to what I posted. thought it was helpful information.
I know of at least 4 married couples in my community that are
first cousins….and if I think long enough I’m sure I can come up with more. Also, many Chassidic Rebbe families married
first cousins, nieces, nephews etc.
Here’s my thoughts. Of course we must always consult a Rav.
but just thinking…On Friday night (Shabbos) secular Jews are
driving around, getting together with friends, driving to movie theaters, restaurants, driving to a Broadway show..etc
It’s not like they are sitting home looking at the four walls on Friday night and that they would specifically be driving ONLY that evening to go to your Shabbos table. Wouldn’t it be better if they are already out on the town Friday in their car traveling for entertainment with friends that they could have a better purpose for the evening…..Joining you at a Shabbos table and being inspired and reawakening the “Pintele Yid” .
Just my thoughts. Gut Shabbos!
regarding some of the posters saying that it should be arranged that the Non-frum guests should be attending a Shabbos meal at a nearby Shomer Shabbos home so they can walk there…..
First, YOU are the person they know and have a Kesher with….They want to spend time with YOU not a stranger (to them) who happens to live in their neighborhood.
Second, I would say that most of our Shabbos guests do not live walking distance to anything Frum. Remember, us..as a Frum Kehillah always try to reside in a Frum neighborhood, near Shuls, Kosher Markets etc. Someone not Frum is looking for Cheaper housing and living closer to restaurants, movie theaters and malls (and bars).
I’m sure there are countless Baalei Tshuvah who are now frum today and their first experience was driving to someones home to experience Shabbos. I’m not saying that’s right….I just know that Shabbos in particular touches the SOUL more so than any other day of the week and that’s where alot of the beginning inspiration to becoming frum comes from. Most people new to the concept of “frumkeit” would not accept an invitation to stay over for a full Shabbos when you are practically a stranger to them.
If you invite them for Shabbos, don’t ask how they got there.
When they arrive at your door…open and welcome them in.
My family is involved in Kiruv and we’ve been zoche to pe part of 3 couples becoming frum…and I mean frum with shaitels…kids in cheder..etc. and there are countless others at our Shabbos table who are identifying more strongly with their Jewish identity and heritage, where as before they were so enmeshed in the secular world and now they at least will not consider marrying goyim (they would’ve before). Their beginning journey to Yiddishkeit involved spending alot of Shabbosim with us…the zmiros, parsha, dvar torah’s and seeing Jewish family life at the highest point of the week has made a great impact on them.
Hatzlocha Rabbah to all those in Kiruv. May we constantly strive to bring every Jew closer to Torah and Mitzvos.
(P.S. I’m sure my parents consulted a Rov on the Shabbos inviting)
It is so sad to see how times have changed. Once upon a time the boys were the ones going after the girls..B’derech Hatevah that’s how it usually is…The whole system is warped! and that’s why there’s a Shidduch crisis. The boys have created for themselves an elitist attitude and it’s not a healthy attitude.
I have a friend who claimed she had the TOP,TOP,TOP boy and any girl that was “redt” to her son from out of town…the girl had to fly in to date her son, bec. Chas V’sholom her son should take off time from learning..bittul Torah… and she continued saying if you have a top boy in Lakewood then the girl does the traveling and of course there was a whole speech about how her son is so TOP that he needs to be fully supported by his father-in-law for his Kollel learning for the next few years.
Hello people!?! We need a complete overhaul on how the Shidduch system is handled. There are so many wonderful erliche girls who are being left out of the loop bec. the criteria the boys expect (and their mothers as well) is nonsensical. The rules don’t make sense and the next generation of boys are being raised with no solid work ethic and a “me, me, me” attitude.
to: of course
you commented that by the Litvish they don’t call Dor Yesharim until about the 4th date…..earlier in another thread I wrote that I personally know a Rov who had a child with Tay Sachs
(he was married a year or two before Dor Yesharim testing became available)and the family suffered for 5 years watching this child have a slow death. It became his mission to advocate Dor Yesharim testing before any dating. A young couple who dated and were smitten with each other chose to do Dor Yesharim testing at the END of their dating… the test showed that they were both carriers…they were facing a painful decision and were refered to this Rov for counseling. He begged them to reconsider and to call off the Shidduch bec. they were both carriers for Tay Sachs. They were so crazy about each other that they chose not to break off the Shidduch. 14 months after marriage a baby was born to them with Tay Sachs. So…better to do Dor Yesharim BEFORE any dating…and certainly it’s more uncomfortable to ask for the DY number on a 4th or 5th date. What if either side boy/girl is not up to anything serious yet and gets asked for their DY# and then they say “oh…I didn’t know he/she is already serious about this…they are moving too fast for me” and creates
uncomfortable situations. The Dor Yeshorim phone call takes 3 minutes. You enter the info on automated machine and get an answer within the day or next morning.
The same applies to doing research for a Shidduch. Do the research properly, even if it takes the full week. Why rush to answer and then send out the couple on dates and then find out something you didnt like and try to break it up….with a chance that they already are strongly connected. (of course I know you will never find out everything about a person and things surface about your spouse once you are married, but hopefully it’s the small things) May all of Klal Yisroel be blessed with wonderful Shidduchim!
Our family uses Ungers Gefilte fish rolls.
Just got the recipe from our home.
It is sometimes cooked on a stovetop with carrots, onions,
some sugar & black pepper.. or sometimes cooked in the oven with a homemade lightly precooked sauce: tomato sauce, ketchup, sugar ,
fried onions, sliced carrots, sugar, black pepper and small chunks of celery. Pour on top of the gefilte fish and bake
covered for 90 minutes in a preheated oven at 365 degrees.
You are not just saying yes to a date. You might be saying yes to a marriage. Once the couple starts dating and they like each other…what then…you start doing more research that you haven’t done yet bec. you needed to answer in 2-4 days. By then it’s too late. It’s best to do all your proper research before the couple starts to date (one week sounds fair , especially cause Friday-erev Shabbos and Shabbos day are not ideal days for calling people to do research) …and of course always do Dor Yesharim BEFORE any Dating. Hatzlocha Rabba to all!
I once visited Los Angeles for a Shabbos and everyone from all Shuls (all types of people) say “Gut Shabbos” to one another while walking to and from Shul or on a Shabbos afternoon walk.
It’s not limited to gender. I have to say it’s wonderful!
In New York when you say “Gut Shabbos” to people they look you up and down and wonder “Do I know who that is” and wonder why I said Gut Shabbos to them…(even to people of my own gender).
Some of the things you expressed in your beginning posts sounded very familiar. Here are some of the words you posted regarding your feelings: “Its more how I act in public,
not raising my hand in school out of fear, setting a table with someone and I would feel like I’m doing it wrong or that people are looking only at me, too shy to go volunteering, having negative thoughts”……A niece of mine experienced the same feelings. At first we all chalked it up to her being SHY and Low Self Esteem….but the “supposed shyness lingered on”. Then miraculously one day while listening to a radio talk show…the person being interviewed on the talk show was voicing some of her challenges socially and the journey of dealing with it…my niece jumped up from her chair and said “That is me…this is exactly what I’m experiencing” …..and it had a name….
“SOCIAL ANXIETY/SOCIAL PHOBIA”. ( google it)
Boruch Hashem my niece got the help she needed (at age 15)and today she is a productive and happy adult and socially active.
Yes, positive thinking is great, people telling you “you can do it” is great, All the wonderful words of Chizuk in this post is amazing…however if you experience any of the following feelings please don’t hesitate to speak to a professional:
A person with social anxiety is afraid that he/she will make mistakes and be embarrased or humiliated in front of others.
People with social anxiety suffer from distorted thinking, including false beliefs about social situations and the negative opinion of others, Have feelings of inadequacy, self chastisement, judging themselves as being less then others, fear of making a presentation, fear of going out to dinner at restaurants or public gatherings, fear of initiating or maintaining conversations, Physical symptoms include
pounding heart, sweating , blushing …..
XBP…hopefully, none of the above applies to you.
Hatzlocha Rabbah! We are here for you.
The worst is using the word “LIKE” 3 times in every sentence.
Horrible!! Whenever I happen to be listening to teenagers speak they use the word LIKE so often…it’s scary. The same sentence can be said without the word LIKE.
Here’s a sample:
“Like I was walking down the Avenue and Like I saw Shaindy across the street and Like she was wearing that great outfit and Like I wish I knew where she bought it”.
As someone who appreciates Literature and Good spelling…I get sad knowing that the future generations of kids will never know proper penmanship. The art of writing a handwritten letter to a friend is long gone. The quick texting language is taking over and proper english will be thrown to the wind. (Please do not comment on my English or spelling since I wrote this in haste)
yossi z. most curly haired girls look forward to getting a straight shaitel when they are married. So, if dating a girl with curly hair is holding anyone back… just know she will probably wear a straight shaitel after marriage and now you can have your straight hair wife. pathetic!
Wondering if curly hair is nice to impress a boy on a
Shidduch date????? This is why there are so many single boys and girls out there who are not married. A girls hair gets covered once she’s married…who cares!! especially when the curly hair ends up being covered after marriage…and gets so matted from being covered…that it now looks STRAIGHT. Chevra, get your priorities straight. I hope people focus on the right things when they are entering Shidduchim and not superficialities.
Talking about only wearing black….my sister attended a wedding last year March and decided that although it’s cold outside, it was technically spring and chose to wear a nice sage green dress…was she surprised to realize that she was THE ONLY ONE to be wearing a different color dress other than black!…she walked into a sea of black outfits. The ironic thing is that after each individual who is wearing black spent hours finding the perfect outfit with the little details…buttons, lace, flowers, ruffles….when you are all dressed in black, no one can see how special your outfit is bec. everyone looks the same. The Torah is sprinkled with many colors, Copper for the mishkan, Tchailes
for Tzitzis, different color stones for the Choshen Mishpat..etc.
No one is saying you should wear Glowing Orange, Bubble gum pink
or Lime Green. There are beautiful colors that are Basheiden
and compliment the persons skin tone and breathes a breath of fresh air to Tznius clothing other than the color Black.
Plain and Simple…the Halacha is for a woman to cover her hair.
How she covers it is her choice. A shaitel, a tichel ,a Shmatte, a Hat etc. Nowhere does it say that a woman should look ugly in the choice that she choses to cover her hair. Boruch Hashem because of advanced technology we are able to have shaitels that don’t look like a a mop or broom. As long as a womans hair is fully covered, then she is following Halacha.
If you want to talk about women who pull out the whole front of their own natural hair to blend in with their shaitel, or women who wear head bands with 2-3 inches of their own hair showing…that’s another story.
My niece who is the age of being in seminary decided to be one of the first to forgo seminary. She and a friend are currently working in a Moisad being mentors and running school youth programs for a fine institution. The whole seminary acceptance idea has become mentally and financially exhausting. Adding up the costs of going to Eretz Yisroel includes: TUITION, Airfare
(2 tickets) beginning of school year and coming home Pesach, cell phones, taxi bus and food money, spending money etc. This all adds up to about $20,000 plus for barely 10 months (more like 8 and half) withPesach vacation and only half of June month for school. Parents are being choked by this. I don’t want to sound old fashioned…but going back 25-30 years ago the whole concept of seminary in Eretz Yisroel was not on the table. Girls just continued on to a local Seminary and Boruch Hashem if you look around these girls have raised fine Mishpochas and were none the worse for “not having had the Israel experience”. After spending over $20,000 on Seminary…just a year later the girls are entering Shidduchim and making it even harder for the parents to now come up with thousands more dollars to make a wedding.
We are so stuck in the system and trying to keep up with the
Joneses(Cohens) and worried what would someone else think…that we are creating financial hardships for Parents. Kudos to my niece for daring to make it easier for her parents and not going to expensive Seminary while choosing to still be in a Chinuch environment and helping a Moisad enrich their students and being involved in Youth Leadership while also making sure to learn in the evenings and attend shiurim.
“Not walking around in socks” in the home would be a great problem for the people in Canada and very cold climates.
I know whenever I visit Montrealin the winter,
it is absolute etiquette and almost a RULE to remove your boots or
shoes when entering someones house…so that you don’t drag the snow, salt and dirty slush into the house. I can’t imagine that all the thousands of people who do this would be breaking Halacha.
I know of at least 6 frum couples who are 10 years apart and are
happily married. Three of the couples are married over 20 years and there are 3 who were married in the last few years. If I put my mind to it, I can come up with more couples I know with that age gap…..and the age gap at time of these marriages was the girl was 19-20 and the guy 29-30. So if the Shidduch is
right…go for it!
Unless you run into a situation where both boy and girl dating find out they are carriers…..the average person does not even need to know that they are a carrier. That is undisclosed information from Dor Yeshorim. Being a carrier means nothing…unless you marry someone who is also a carrier.
both husband and wife need to BOTH be carriers for a diseased
child to be a possibility chas’v’sholom. Good Health to all!
I meant the test results came back POSITIVE…that they were both carriers
I think you should definitely do the DOR YESHARIM before even the 1st date. I read an article written by a well known Rav in Crown Heights about the importance of this. He unfortunately had a child with Tay-Sachs(Pre Dor Yesharim days) and wrote how he counseled a couple that were dating and really liked each other and wanted to get married. They did the Dor Yesharim check AFTER
all the dating and the results came back negative…meaning they
were both carriers. They were crushed. However, they insisted on
still getting married and vowed that nothing would get in the way of the feelings they had for each other. One year after marriage a child with Tay-Sachs was born to them. Please, everyone do the Dor Yesharim check BEFORE dating. May Klal Yisroel be blessed with Happy and Healthy Shidduchim!