SJSinNYC

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  • in reply to: Vicarious Accomplishment of Women #1005104

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I think spouses not having access to the family finances are a recipe for disaster. What happens if one spouse is ill or dies? Each spouse should always have access and know whats going with all the important information. That includes the woman knowing the financial picture and where all the documents are as well as the husband knowing all the important information about the kids.

    People talk about divorce as if its a bad thing. In the past, many women had to stay in abusive marriages and had no ability to leave. They had to deal with drugs, violence, cheating spouses etc. Baruch Hashem women have the ability to support themselves should they need to!

    in reply to: Vicarious Accomplishment of Women #1005038

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    If you are waiting for someone else to fulfill your spiritual coffers, you have missed many opportunities to do ratzon Hashem.

    in reply to: Vicarious Accomplishment of Women #1005037

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Yiddishe Tam “By nature women are “motherly” My 3 year old runs to feed her baby doll it’s bottle while I’m feeding the baby. It’s a natural instinct.”

    My son did this at 2 years old as well. Only he attempted to nurse the baby. Kids mimic what they see – that has nothing to do with gender.

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941646

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Anyway, this will be my last post here. This thread reminds me exactly why I left a few years ago.

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941645

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    DY, I know a number of Yeshivish people who were told by thier rabbonim that it is better not to attend a minyan w/o a black hat and daven at home, even if it means missing kaddish. This makes those of us who view a black hat as a fashion statement really scratch our head.

    Anyway, I thought we were talking about the halacha of different sects, not the practices. Do you know any MO Rabbonim who allow mixed swimming for non medicinal purposes? I don’t! Unless you think Yeshivish rabbonim agree that the “hot chani” look falls within the bounds of Yeshivish halacha?

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941643

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    HaKatan, I have never reviewed those speeches so I will do so at a later date.

    As to “only MO redefines Halacha to fit modernity, and those MO standards are not “within halacha” as you claim, MO delusions to the contrary not withstanding” – this is where we part ways.

    MO rabbonim often give a different psak than Charedi rabbonim, but are still within the halachic framework. Its that attitude that makes many people (and not only MO or JPF people), find the Charedi attitude towards others abhorrant. And incorrect.

    But what do I know, I don’t view a black hat as a halachic requirement :-/

    I think Feif Un had the right idea.

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941640

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Hakatan,

    I would need to see an actual source. I don’t consider a random quoted source in a some mishpacha article a source (especially because they aren’t exactly a quality peer reviewed paper).

    However, he is not the only MO theologian/Rabbi, so I’m not sure the point stands.

    As to why be MO if you can break halacha without being thrown out of your community? Well, that’s a pretty ridiculous statement. I know plenty of groups of Yeshivish women who gather weekly purely to speak lashon hara. My yeshivish cousin landed in jail for financial fraud and he was surrounded by many yeshivish people in prison. And Yeshivish society has plenty of trouble with women flaunting their version of halachic tznius.

    MO has different standards within halacha. So no, I don’t think wearing a skirt 4″ past my knee or covering my collar bone or wearing sleeves past my elbow is necessary to be following halacha. More is not always better. Charedi rabbonim clearly agree or they wouldn’t have banned burqas in Israel. The question is where to draw the halachic line and we each turn to our own Rabbonim.

    However, no one is going to throw you out of the community if you do something, especially if its a bein adam lamakom. Baruch hashem! No one is perfect. Everyone is a work in progress and there is no reason to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

    My coworkers still marvel at the fact that I’ve never eaten a ruben. Or worked on Saturday during an emergency. Or countless of other things that fall within halacha.

    But if you don’t need modernity, that’s fine. Good luck finding a doctor who practices talmudic anatomy!

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941631

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    In each society there are groups who follow halacha and groups who don’t. Just look at how many tznius threads there are – apparently, the Yeshiva world has a tznius problem. So why go OTD if women can just hike up their skirts? (insert eye roll here)

    MO society doesn’t ostracize people for their life choices, even if those are not within halacha. So yes, my neighbor may do something wrong. IME though, the more to the “right” you go, the more hidden the sins. It seems to be totally acceptable in RW society to pay cash and avoid paying taxes. Is that halachically acceptable? No.

    I would really like to see Rav Soloveitchik quoted as saying MO is horaas shaah.

    I personally believe in the MO hashkafa. I don’t believe in Yeshivish or Chassidish hashkafa. I think there are major flaws in the system. Its not because its “easier” – while I was raised MO, I went to a RW elementary school. My sister chose to be RW, I chose to be MO.

    Teaneck is thriving (and the RWMO element is bursting). If so many teens/early 20s were going OTD, then how would there be a huge baby boom? His statistics don’t add up.

    Anyway, now I’m rambling.

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941624

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Then why is MO thriving? Why is the MO population growing so much that new schools are constantly being added in major MO communities and other schools are increasing their capacity?

    in reply to: Shocking Study of Modern Orthodox OTD Rate #941622

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    What a shame this thread drove Feif Un (whom I know personally!) away.

    If Rabbi Pruzansky is correct, this must be an extremely new phenomenon. The population growth in Teaneck is staggering. The schools are bursting at the seam and new schools have opened.

    I’m not out of high school that long, and I can’t think of one person OTD from my high school class. I know quite a few from the local Bais Yaakov who are OTD.

    As to whether or not MO is valid – I believe so. There are also plenty of factions within Charedi society that my Rabbonim believe are against halacha. Eh, enjoy feeling “superior.”

    in reply to: Double Standard in the Coffee Room #914509

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    far east,

    I used to post here far more often. I stopped, in part because of what you are talking about.

    Also, because the posters here claiming to be Yeshivish are giving actually Yeshivish people IRL a bad name.

    in reply to: Why Hasn't YWN Reported The Webberman Trial? #912226

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Unfortunately, this thread shows why many molesters get away with it.

    B”H, there are many Rabbonim who say to say to send molesters to the authorities!

    in reply to: tznius question #912768

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    The problem with hilchos tznius is that every community defines things differently. My Rabbi holds that the collarbone is not an issue and can be shown. So a man who is sensitive to collarbones (especially if they’ve lived in communities where its always covered) may see my shirt as “suggestive” even if its not. Many people read into what they want to see or are used to.

    KW example of high heeled shoes – my friend has strange arches and finds high heels way more comfortable than flats.

    So while what KW writes is nice, its not all encompassing.

    Minhag hamakom is not always easy to define – according to my Rabbi, Brooklyn (for example) has no minhag hamakom because of the diversity of the population.

    So, in random conclusion, men should keep their eyes off women, women should stop judging other women and everyone should dress appropriately according to their shitta and weather.

    in reply to: tznius question #912733

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Both are social / fashion choices, not halachic choices.

    And there are plenty of frum men who wear shorts. Though, I’ve never seen a yeshivish man in shorts (I have seen a chasidish man in shorts).

    in reply to: girls lighting #911675

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Yenta,

    Here is my perspective: There are many mitzvos that are forbidden to women, taboo or just “not done.” I prefer active mitzvos because I find they help me connect to the task at hand (specifically here, Chanuka, the history of it all, the miracles etc) and form a stronger bond with Hashem.

    When I say the bracha to light, I feel connected to the Jewish chain of people who have done this for many generations. Why turn away the opportunity to do a mitzvah?

    I always lit. I grew up in an all female household. We all lit. I always felt bad for my friends who were denied participating in this mitzvah.

    in reply to: Mrs. Husband Name #909676

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I know Syag, real Yeshivish people wouldn’t have internet or would ONLY use it for work. But sometimes, its hard to separate.

    in reply to: Boots Wielding Women #911200

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I leave the house for work before 5 am. Sometimes, its cold then or its supposed to be cold for the day. Then I find out its actually a warm day.

    Also, my office is pretty cold, even when its warm outside. So when I don’t wear steel toed shoes, I either wear sandals (April-October) or boots (October-April).

    in reply to: Mrs. Husband Name #909671

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    GAW, I took a long break from here. I found it wasn’t good for my opinion of Yeshivish people. Luckily, I know some awesome Yeshivish people in real life.

    in reply to: Women Driving #1161885

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    What a fun trip down (crazy) memory lane.

    I drive to work before dawn, so its hard to see me. Totally tzanua.

    in reply to: Mrs. Husband Name #909661

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Women should not be seen, heard, nor spoken about.

    in reply to: Nose Piecings? #1111715

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I asked a rabbi and was told mutar. I was also told that belly piercing was assur unless I was married.

    in reply to: Anyone ever hear of a Simchat Bat? #834591

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    This is done in many mainstream Modern Orthodox communities.

    in reply to: "intellectual stimulation" #813228

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    HAHAHA!!!!

    Oh boy, I took a break from YWN and this is what I come back to?

    in reply to: A Woman's Place in Frum Society #814571

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    This thread is entertaining.

    in reply to: Ladies would you consider homebirth? #782477

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I can now say – I would (and did) have a homebirth.

    Easiest and most painless birth I’ve had.

    in reply to: Mazal Tov SJSinNYC! #776164

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Thanks everyone!

    No, the CO had no affect on my delivery. It was just a really fast labor!

    A special thank you to the Teaneck Police and EMTs who took care of me post partum.

    in reply to: Leaving the oven on over yom tov #775912

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    when I signed up, I was living in Brooklyn.

    in reply to: Leaving the oven on over yom tov #775909

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Hey, I’m famous LOL.(and its 13.5! don’t forget my almost born child)

    B”H for carbon monoxide detectors.

    The problem was a combination of an old, leaky stove and new windows. Withour old, leaky windows, this wasn’t an issue. I also think I might have turned the flame down a bit low, which can increase the chances of incompolete combustion.

    None of us were seriously injured in any way. All we needed was some oxygen, but we all did have a scare.

    Important things to remember:

    1) Always make sure your CO detectors are functioning and located in proper positions. Too close to the source will just make it a nuisance alarm – too far and it won’t detect until too late.

    2) Get out of the house immediately. Many of us were in odd combinations of clothing or lackthereof, but CO is DEADLY. Pikuach nefesh trumps the need to put on your kippah, skirt, head covering etc.

    3) Carbon monoxide is lethal and odorless. Headaches, vomitting, nausea, dizziness and fatigue are all common signs. If you suspect anything, call 911 immediately.

    in reply to: Kosher coupons #775582

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    are you talking about kosherkouponz? We use them and they are fantastic. Its a groupon type site geared towards kosher consumers.

    in reply to: Banning Bris Milah in the United States! #1032363

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    DY, for some people its anti-semitic.

    But realistically, if 50% of the US is circumcising, that means MOST people aren’t Orthodox Jews who would circumcise no matter what. So what of the other people who circumcise?

    Health, I don’t get all my information from anti-circumcision websites. However, I have yet to see really balanced information from either side.

    What I want to know is what parent here would want their child to go through an uneccesary medical procedure that, while having small benefits, has uneccesary risks associate with it as well? I’m not talking from a “Hashem commanded us to perform a bris” aspect. Obviously we all are going to continue. But why would non-Jews?

    Anyway, I’ve said my piece. Just understand that there are many people who are MEDICALLY opposed to routine circumcision.

    in reply to: Shavuos Night For Girls #775351

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    The lectures in my shul are open to everyone.

    I will be home sleeping. I’m due today and there is no way I can survive on no sleep.

    in reply to: Banning Bris Milah in the United States! #1032358

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Hello, not recommending means they aren’t against the procedure when needed, but that it isn’t necessary for every male child born in the US.

    Just about every study uses conjecture. There are almost no absolutes in this world.

    Health, I never said I discount the potential health benefits. The question is, do the risks of the elective surgery warrant having such widespread rates of circumcision.

    I’m not FOR the legislation so I don’t know why you are trying to pretend I am. I do think its important to understand where the other side is coming from and not be blinded by research from one side.

    in reply to: Banning Bris Milah in the United States! #1032353

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Shlishi, the rate posted in that link is from 1982. I would trust a more recent study at this moment in time.

    Health, not recommending routing circumcision is part of their statement. Although, I have learned not to really debate with you because you try to twist everything without making sense, so I’ll let the AAP statement stand.

    Again, this doesn’t really have anything to do with religion. There are many people in the US who circumcise their children who are not religious at all. Many people are anti-circumcision because they don’t believe in removing body parts just because. The data doesn’t really warrant it.

    The people I know aren’t for legislating against it, but rather getting information out there.

    in reply to: Black Hat Advice #775643

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    DY, it depends on what angle you are looking at it.

    For example, a gang member would look at rival gang members wearing their colors as a negative and wearing their own as a positive. That doesn’t mean its a positive or negative association. It just means its an association.

    If the father associates black hats negatively for whatever reason, then its not a positive. After all, its an external motion. There are way more important things to work on, whether or not bachur wants to associate as Yeshivish. He should make sure to brush up on his yinglish for instance 🙂

    in reply to: Banning Bris Milah in the United States! #1032341

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    DY, there are many areas of the health related fields that are hard to pinpoint exact causes, but there are trends to see. There are plenty of children who die directly or indirectly due to their circumcision. That doesn’t include the botch jobs that cause other issues.

    Health,

    I’m not sure what AAP statement you read, but the abstract starts off with:

    Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision.

    While I would agree that a mohel is usually a safer choice than a doctor for circumcision, its ridiculous to say that no babies have died from a mohel. A few years ago, there were a few babies who died (that I remember).

    I’m not advocating for passing this law. But its important to realize that many of the anti-circ supporters have a valid argument on their side. Obviously Jews aren’t going to stop circumcising no matter what.

    in reply to: Black Hat Advice #775627

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    DY, association itself is not a positive or a negative.

    in reply to: Banning Bris Milah in the United States! #1032330

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    You’re right, I misquoted the number. Here is the abstract on the latest study:

    Baby boys can and do succumb as a result of having their foreskin removed. Circumcision-related mortality rates are not known with certainty; this study estimates the scale of this problem. This study finds that approximately 117 neonatal circumcision-related deaths (9.01/100,000) occur annually in the United States, about 1.3% of male neonatal deaths from all causes. Because infant circumcision is elective, all of these deaths are avoidable. This study also identifies reasons why accurate data on these deaths are not available, some of the obstacles to preventing these deaths, and some solutions to overcome them.

    So tell me, do you think 117 babies should die each year for an elective procedure? I’m not talking about frum Jewish kids – I’m talking about those who weren’t commanded to circumcise.

    And my Rabbis is against metzizah b’peh without a pipette. It is not 100% safe. Even those who do metzizah b’peh should realize that.

    in reply to: Black Hat Advice #775618

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    real-brisker, I always wonder what “good” a black hat does.

    bochur, I think its important to sit down with your father and talk to him about why you want to wear one and why he wants you not to. Does he not like “uniforms”? Does he think its a waste of money? Does he think its just about the exterior?

    Its important to have open communication no matter what the outcome is.

    in reply to: Banning Bris Milah in the United States! #1032326

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Recent studies have indicated that circumcision rates in the US are dropping fast. I think its now around 50% of babies are circ’ed.

    Second, there are a few hundred babies who die each year due to complications with circumcisions. You think that’s minor?

    And the benefits to routine circumcision are extremely small, the AAP has put out a statement for over ten years now that routine circumcision isn’t recommended.

    Don’t pretend like this is all anti-semitism. I have (non-Jewish) friends who are really anti-circ’ing boys but don’t want to legislate it.

    Now, I don’t support this legislation at all. But I do want to remind those of you who support vandalism from frum people that you can’t selectively ask for laws to apply to you.

    in reply to: Proper Etiquette or Against Halacha? #773581

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Didn’t we have a long thread on this already?

    No matter what you do, please try to open heavy doors for people who appear to need the help (the elderly, pregnant, people holding packages etc).

    in reply to: Tznius issue – what would you do? #774658

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    GAW, if its something unintentional (like your undershirt sticking out), I would first try to ask a woman to mention it. However, that’s “dangerous” also. But I would appreciate it.

    If it were something like “Your skirt is too short” then I wouldn’t appreciate it.

    in reply to: How to Treat Your Husband #771520

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Actually, GAW, I disagree with the “like yourself.”

    DH and I have very different ways of attacking our household responsibilities. It took us a while to realize this and come to an understanding. We discussed our differences and I realized that if I want him to truly appreciate my efforts, I should start with his list (also important tasks that needed to get done) because he would feel like I was accomplishing more. For example, I would clean the bathrooms before putting away laundry, but he would want laundry done first. Both needed to get done, but one made the house appear more orderly, and that was important to him.

    Both of us try to show appreciation on a daily basis. I thank him for things like taking out the garbage or doing laundry even though they are part of his responsibilities to the family. He likewise thanks me for my efforts. Its simple, but makes each of us feel appreciated.

    So, treat your spouse the way they want/need to be treated. Ask the same of them.

    in reply to: Yeshivah guy ordering beer on a date #770602

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I was super machmir and never had a hotel lounge date 🙂

    In all seriousness, I don’t see the big deal in having 1 beer (SA aside, I’m not debating that right now but I think there is more to it than just the basic SA in terms of practical halacha as applied to today’s hotels lounges).

    in reply to: OTD kids- and going along with them #770903

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    As a parent, you should be taking an interest in what your children are doing, regardless of whether or not you like it. My mother does not enjoy baseball in any particular way, but always took us to games growing up because WE enjoyed it. Its just a part of good parenting to take an interest in your children’s interests.

    Now, of course, when it comes to halacha, things are a bit different. But if their Rav allows them to listen with their children (specifically in this case for this family), then they absolutely should.

    Know your children. Forget about on the derech or off the derech, its important to create a good bond with them for healthy growth into adulthood.

    in reply to: Menahel's Decision To Expel A ?Good? Boy #767390

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Aries,

    I would rather get my GED than be blackmailed by my high school.

    I think schools nowadays are trying to totally overreach their bounds. They have gone crazy. I wouldn’t succumb to blackmail (which is what this kind of behavior is IMO).

    Sure, a high school diploma is better, but not always necessary.

    I don’t say this lightly. Don’t misunderstand me. But I do think it takes some brave kids to stand up to schools and say “Do what you want, but you can’t take me.”

    in reply to: Monsey Taxes – Election Getting Hot #766965

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I was unaware (until now) that it was in the state constitution. In NJ, a few districts have done this or threatened to do this to pass the budget.

    Here is what I found on the NY website:

    https://stateaid.nysed.gov/trans/nonpublic.htm

    The mileage marker is 2 miles or greater. When I lived in Monsey, I got busing to school that was less than a mile. They could raise the requirements to match the state mandate.

    That’s not to say voting for a budget increase is the right thing to do. I just don’t think this call for everyone enmasse to vote down the budget makes sense.

    in reply to: Monsey Taxes – Election Getting Hot #766951

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I don’t know if Monsey still has courtesy busing for private school students, but in these tough times many districts are cutting that out. That would affect most people in Monsey more than a small tax increase. Busing is expensive!

    in reply to: Menahel's Decision To Expel A ?Good? Boy #767361

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I’m laughing that everyone wants to send the “problem” Yeshivish kids to MO Yeshivas.

    Aries, if I were that kid, I would get my GED. Unless he had aspirations of Harvard, for most schools that’s ok. I wouldn’t let myself be bullied by a Principal.

    in reply to: Menahel's Decision To Expel A ?Good? Boy #767322

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Really, is this surprising to anyone?

    The bigger question is, does he need his diploma? If I were him, I would walk away and say “I know I’m fine. Let them throw their “tantrum” and I’ll live my life morally.”

    in reply to: Monsey Taxes – Election Getting Hot #766944

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Have you looked at the reasoning behind the increase? What are they asking for? Is it necessary? Or do you just not want to pay more in taxes?

Viewing 50 posts - 1 through 50 (of 3,352 total)