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Viewing 50 posts - 51 through 100 (of 127 total)
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  • in reply to: To open or not to open (the door on a date) #835292
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I don’t think itll make, or break the shidduch

    in reply to: should parents stay together for the children? #835663
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Stay with it. Can get better.

    in reply to: Serving Alcohol To Bochurim And Sem Girls And Kids #835339
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    To boys over bar mitzvah but not to girls or at mixed meals

    in reply to: NASI Initiative #833406
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    This whole idea is idiotic. Hashem decides who gets married and when. this initiative shows a tremendous lack of bitachon.

    in reply to: If you've read "NASI Project Responds", have you changed your mind? #847792
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    please explain to me because I’m still not understanding , if the problem was the age gap that would mean the previous generations who did not have this problem all married people closer in age to them. We see this is not true. I think the problem is that it’s easier to be a good girl than a. good guy. Bais yaakovs have done a tremendous job convincing every girl that she needs a boy who will learn forever. This is what girls look for until they settle. Not enough guys want to be long time full time learners especially if girl cant support. how will marry close in age solve this problem

    in reply to: I (finally) found something new york city dwellers DON'T have…. #818274
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    sorry wrong we have the country

    in reply to: Can someone Do me a Favor? #814935
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Wasn’t joking… as hard as it is to believe some guys don’t get redt girls either and no I’m not picky.

    in reply to: Can someone Do me a Favor? #814922
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Want to get engaged but nobody to get engaged to 🙁

    in reply to: Pain of Shidduch Rejection: #821257
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Briskwr youd know if you were a parent of both

    in reply to: Accounting Position in Lakewood. #810981
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Call pcs

    in reply to: shidduch dating, advice needed #810868
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    miritchka not really. So far the reverse has been true if anything but what happens if I meet a girl, really like her and then only really meet her family after the first five dates lets say. Then if I don’t think I can fit well with them I have a difficult decision to make now. Taking time to speak with the father first in learning or just a general shmooze ensures that this won’t happen. A guy can be great and the girl can be great for him but if he can’t fit well with her family in most cases its not worth it. When you get married people oft forget the all too true thing that you also end up marrying the parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and aunts. The reverse is true as well. Thats why its important to find all this out beforehand and the best way to do that is by sitting down and really talking with the parents if you can. Its an opportunity not an onesh.

    in reply to: shidduch dating, advice needed #810862
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    First time I ever went out I was in the house for 40 minutes, had a farher, exchanged family histories, played Jewish geography with the parents, etc. I told my rebbe, he was shocked and told me this is usually not done. The next girl I went out with I spoke 5 minutes with the parents and the father saw us out and said have a nice time. I think the first way is better for two reasons, the guy gets a feel for the family and the parents get a feel for the guy.

    in reply to: shidduch dating, advice needed #810859
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I always like the fathers who farher me and/or actually spend more than 5 minutes taking. I get the impression that those are the ones who actually care about who their daughter marries. Also gives me a chance to get a feel what the family is like. Maybe thats just me I don’t know.

    in reply to: aahhh…FIRST DATE…HEEELLP!!! #804110
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I remember my first time I was nervous to mess something up so I didn’t really say anything. I didn’t even realize that you are supposed to talk to the girl when you are driving in the car. When I was in shul the next day her father asked me why I didn’t talk to his daughter in the car, I said I wasn’t sure if it was tznius and also wanted to save something to say for the lounge. I say you should give it another shot no matter what because chances are both of you were nervous.

    in reply to: Need some shidduch advice…. #1205923
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I don’t see anything wrong with someone thinking that they are a good guy and yes if a girl breaks off a shidduch because of mental stability issues she is missing out on something good (not sure it would be such a good marriage though if she had these issues). I don’t see anything wrong with what the OP said, why does everyone have to think of themselves as lowly good for nothings?

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Solution #799408
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    If parents are supporting guzente heit, i don’t see a problem with that other than how long can you rely on it? but for others you still would have the problem that some girls would be too focused on their work and school which is why i claim that they are not getting married. Also your solution to the other problem i mentioned would seem to work except this isn’t what people are doing. Many guys are still learning full time or almost full time even when they have a couple of kids. This is what the yeshivos encourage, send the wife to work and stay. I was speaking with a certain rosh yeshiva the other day who told me basically that he never wants any of his boys to go out and get jobs. I think if attitudes about working changed and boys had to be more responsible to support their families the community would be much better off.

    in reply to: Shidduch Crisis Solution #799406
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    So you agree with me, anon? I just think that the way the whole system is now really makes no sense. Sure its geshmak to learn but to expect a girl to be working to be in school and to keep a house a raise a family i think is a little bit much. Boys realize this and thus don’t want to marry an older girl because she is so busy with her school and her job already. Instead they marry younger ones who start all these things after marriage. This too doesn’t really make sense because at the end of the day these women come home and are too tired to deal with their kids and husband. The wife works the husband is in yeshiva so the kids are left in daycare all day or worse with goyish nannies, but this is a whole other topic already.

    in reply to: A Lack Of Sensitivity #795194
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Lomed: what the modernishe velt does is try to rationalize their krumkeit by saying that halacha doesn’t say anything to the contrary. They are wrong and silly though. Halacha does not say you should not have a tv or unfiltered internet in your house explicitly obviously because TV didn’t exist but it does say that you shouldn’t waste your time, it does say you should be shomer einayim, therefore you should not watch TV.

    in reply to: Sprinklers and kids #794478
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    obviously take them to a park without a sprinkler or to no park at all!

    in reply to: TEXTING ON SHABBOS #815425
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    What would you say if someone said he was frum but has to go to McDonalds once a week and have a cheeseburger. You wouldn’t think of him as frum and I bet you wouldn’t eat in his house. This is the same thing. Texting is being mechalel shabbos just like people who drive. They should institute here like they have in Israel the KosherPhone and rabbanim here should insist that everyone who must have a cell phone get one of those then there would be no texting or internet on phones at all. That would solve the problem.

    Also why do yeshivos and seminaries in E”Y not only allow but insist that the kids have phones. I hear how you could say its for safety but if this is the true motive you can have them rent pagers instead.

    in reply to: Icebreakers for first dates #789688
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    never ask questions if you don’t know the answer not good 2b surprised the first time

    in reply to: Cell phones #783008
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I’m T-mobile samsung flip phone its a good deal but i was much happier with verizon but i can’t afford verizon.

    in reply to: Giving Presents for Attending Simchas #779853
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Wow! I didn’t realize the word cheap was so offensive. I didn’t mean anything by it only that these things are not expensive. So you should know those wrong color or whatever siddurim and machzorim are good quality.

    in reply to: "top boys" #787144
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I am by no means a top bochur but I got a farher before a date once. Actually was quite fun. It was my first time going out so I thought it was protocol. She didn’t want to go out again so when I saw her father in shul the next week he said to me: well, at least you got to chazzer shiur.

    in reply to: Do you multitask? #887260
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    If you want to do something well it must have 100% of your time and effort. If not, it will end up being done badly.

    in reply to: Giving Presents for Attending Simchas #779833
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    You can get nice looking gifts for really cheap sometimes. I know there’s a store in E”Y that sells discount siddurim and machzorim sets and things with the name on it for about $10. Also, you can get nice looking but cheap challah covers and put a name on it. Then everyone thinks you spent a lot but it was actually cheap. If anyone you know is going to E”Y ask them to pick up some siddur/machzor sets from you from the discount outlet store (where they have these things that are printed slightly the wrong color or something else usually not noticable).

    in reply to: Anyone know of any Orthodox Jewish Finance related companies? #777177
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Track Data in brooklyn

    in reply to: subway seats #873209
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I’m suprised how many people don’t know this… the ikkar kiddush hashem is by other yidden. Its a machlokes whether it is possible to make a kiddush hashem by doing something nice for a goy. It is obvious what you should have done.

    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Don’t know about your specific case but often times the two brothers or sisters who are so close in age are both similar in personality and character. Obviously you have the same parents and I presume went to the same schools so though each person is a little different it is possible that the shidduchim suggested for you could be shayach for your sister too. By competing against your sister you are potentially disadvantaging her in getting dates that would be suggested to her for yourself. Wait a little it’s not going to matter in the long run if you are married at 18 or 20 or (gasp) 21 if it makes your sister happy.

    in reply to: Chinuch in public-What Do You Think? #891843
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    It is definatley appropriate to potch at certain times but admonishment of children should not be done in public. This is embarrasing for the child. Best to wait until alone and then punish as neccesary.

    in reply to: dating – drinking with women #773960
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    why then is it ok on pesach?

    in reply to: drinking out of a bottle #774278
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    why would drinking from a small bottle make it better? From a can is even worse, do you know how dirty the tops of cans are and you are going to touch it with your mouth? You don’t know where its been. You might as well lick the top of a garbage can. Also just to clarify there were other things about the shidduch that I broke it off but I have to say that this really bothered me. Even if you do drink from bottles when you are trying to make an impression why do something so disgusting? Even if you are on a picnic or at the zoo whats wrong with using a cup?

    in reply to: drinking out of a bottle #774249
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    drinking out of a bottle is really disgusting. In fact once on a shidduch I saw a girl do it (there was a glass there she just didn’t pour her water into the glass) and I broke off the shidduch. There were other things too but this was like a last straw kind of thing (if she would have used a straw I would have been OK.)

    in reply to: BTL degree in Israel #772018
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    aarts. which means you can go from this degree straight to law school or a master’s degree.

    in reply to: Seeking Vacation destination ideas… #770620
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Amish Country

    in reply to: Scared of driving! #772132
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    so either sit-ins or cabs. if you think about it a cab is actually cheaper than renting a car plus someone else is driving. The first time I did a sit-in I was extra nervous but truth is I have come to find them more enjoyable than going out. There’s no pressure on me to decide what lounge to go to and all and you don’t have to spend $20 on stupid drinks that you could buy from a machine for $2. Its also more tznius as you are guaranteed not to run into anyone you know. Although the one drawback is when people hear that you don’t drive they seem to think like you are from another planet or something, fathers have called all my references and asked them what was wrong with me that I don’t drive. I just never liked driving never needed to so I never bothered to learn how. That’s all.

    in reply to: Scared of driving! #772129
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I’m also terrified of driving. Tried to learn didn’t work so well. But luckily I live in NY and you never need to drive. It does make it annoying on shidduchim though but this too shall pass.

    in reply to: Women who drink on a date #770957
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    she started giggling a lot told me some interesting stories and then threw up. Actually she was more interesting and fun when she was drunk. She then said no to a third date. I figured she would. Also to clarify the hotel lobby was also the bar (I didn’t know this as the bar was on the other side of the room) that’s why you had to buy a drink. But this date is nothing compared to my first shidduch date ever (not with this girl) where the shadchan called me to tell me the father wants to talk with me. I said fine. The father called me up after to tell me what a bad impression I made. He said “I didn’t know it was possible to make such a bad impression”. He then gave me some really good pointers and I put them down in a notebook. well you live and learn. Still looking.

    in reply to: Women who drink on a date #770947
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Reminds me of a funny story. Once I went on a shidduch to a hotel lobby. Apparently you were not allowed to sit in the lobby unless you were a guest of the hotel or ordering an alcoholic drink. Someone came over to tell us that. We were an hour in so it was to early to end the date and I didn’t feel like going anywhere else so I ordered a drink. The girl asked what it tasted like and long story short I got her one too. Then she got really drunk off one shot! Bad idea. That was our last time.

    in reply to: Whats with the off-the-derech teens?!?! #779432
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Even the best of systems is not going to work for everyone. The frum yeshivish community did manage to find a very good system that works for the overwhelming majority of us. What’s left for the people who can’t learn? I don’t know but they are a minority and while everyone is important the most importance goes to the klal. There’s different things everyone doesn’t like about the system but as a whole it does the most good for the most people. By the way there are alternative yeshivos like Lancaster that do teach trades.

    in reply to: Jean skirts #768671
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    The problem with men and women wearing jeans is that a ben torah/ bas melech has to wear what are considered nice respectable clothes. Jeans were invented for farmers and by no stretch of the imagination would be considered nice. Nobody would dare wear jeans to a business interview unless they were getting a job as a plumber or something. Black pants and white shirts on the other hand that’s the dress that’s universally considered respectable by everyone.

    in reply to: shaving this friday #1072905
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    if friday is mutar then is thursday night mutar too since the day starts at night or not?

    in reply to: shaving this friday #1072895
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    haircuts too? what about Thursday night?

    in reply to: shaving this friday #1072894
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    haircuts too? what about Thursday night?

    in reply to: settle? #767922
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Shrek, after you are married it doesn’t matter if you settled or not. Everybody settles on something. Nobody’s perfect. The ones who don’t settle don’t get married, thats why theres a shidduch crisis.

    in reply to: yichus in shidduchim #769624
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    I’d like to marry someone with yichus but it depends on the person. Some people don’t care about yichus. If everything else is good it shouldn’t be meakev.

    in reply to: settle? #767916
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    So many shidduchim are broken off because one side doesn’t feel chemistry or love. Love comes from years and years of shared experiences and living together day in day out for many years, seeing each other every single day. You are not going to get that in a few dates. The “butterfly” love feeling is really just lust. The question you should be asking yourself is whether if you try really hard and he tries really hard to make it work you think it could work out. If the answer is yes get married if not then move onto the next guy.

    in reply to: Is makeup tznius? #768204
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Forgive me for being naive but why should girls be allowed to wear makeup in shidduchim anyways? L’masseh they all do and it seems that the frummer they are the more makeup they tend to wear but the torah says that a woman should look good for her husband and not other men. If you say it should be muttar because they are potentially going to get married while that is true the chances are not in their favor as evidenced by the large shidduch crisis and even so if the shidduch worked out it might be a mitzvah haba baverah because the makeup was gorem the shidduch. if the makeup is not gorem the shidduch or doesn’t help then why wear it at all?

    in reply to: teeth whitening #766108
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    professional whitening is really kedi. I just was talking about it with my dentist. Its not going to get your teeth white as snow but they are going to look clean.

    in reply to: Who Should I Call; Previous Broken Engagement #767147
    yeshivabochur123
    Participant

    Ask his rav. This is something you must know.

Viewing 50 posts - 51 through 100 (of 127 total)