WIY: I do have a large family and as I explained it is an effort one must make. Look at it this way, you either spend money on a babysitter and coffee to go out for an hour or two, or you will be spending it on therapists or c’v divorce lawyers. It’s not the difficult to see which the cheaper and preferred option is. People make excuses why they cannot go out. As you explained, you have simchas to attend. How often do you attend simchas? If you can find time and money to go out for family or friends simchas, you can go out with your spouse. Just as an FYI, if we do have a simcha, we usually leave after dinner and some dancing and spend some time talking in the car or sitting in Starbucks for a half an hour.

There is a misconception among the frum community that once you are married you can stop dating. This is the issue! Kids or no kids, it is important for couples to just go out. I make it a point to go out with my wife once a week; even if it is just for coffee. A lot of issues and stress can easily be overcome by just connecting on an adult level, and not just around kids.

Wolf: I agree, the tuition should be based on what HKBH provides me to pay for tuition. Since this is a separate chesbon from my regular income, one can assume it is also a separate expense; thus, the money left over from my regular expenses we can assume is meant for Tuition. This being the case, tuition should not be more than a few hundred dollars a month since that is all that HKBH allotted for tuition.

In addition, we should not pay 100k for Rabbayim since their parnassa comes from HKBH and they should not rely on mankind to subsidize what HKBH provides.

Payos (behind the ear) should be cut off (unless you are a Brisker which makes it the bushier the better), and leave a side burn like Elvis. A small enough chup so the hat could carefully hang on an angle on the head, but not to much of an angle where it will look bumish.

shmendrick, I agree with you!

I told my tution comittee that they are my “tzara” which obligated me from refraining to having more children!

This Shayleah is on anything produced by nochrim and opened on Shabbos. Entermains, Lolaya Nishmas, Hostess Bakery, etc where they are massed produced in the midwest. A better question would be is who turns onthe oven if for whatever reason they go out on shabbos? These are all questions the hashgocha agencies think about and find solutions.

Naysberg

Please list ONE mitzvah D’ Rabbanan they violate. Please do not list chumras.

“Absolutely INCORRECT. That is not the history of MO – MO was started as a way to keep pre-WW2 Americans who wanted to retain some standard of shmiras hamitzvos from falling off altogether. Rav Soloveichik was a pessimist who felt Yiddishkeit had to be diluted to meet the demands of American life.”

That is abolutely INCORRECT. MO started because FRIM jews did not know how to survive outside the shtatel. They came to America and was lost. Rav Soloveichik taught them how to be a frum jew and do the avodas hashem no matter what country one lives in. I actually laughed out loud that there is a notion of “Yeshivish Lite”. Most of them are commonly known as BUMS!

Health- ANYONE can argue on R’ Moshe zt’l! Just because he was a gadol does not mean everyone follows his psak. A great example is carrying in Boro Park, a place R’ Moshe assured, but yet you have THOUSANDS of frum Jews (maybe chassidim are the new Mo) carrying every shabbos. You have hundreds of Sefardim carrying on Ocean Parkway!!

Hakatan: Just to clarify, Modern Orthodoxy also had Daas Torah, just not yours.

The reason why MO has a higher OTD rate then other groups is because all the yeshivish, litvish and chassidish boys and girls who are frustrated with the insular way of life they are forced to lead got fed up and found a more enlightening derech to Hashem. Unfortunately, after years of being forced to observe the mitzvous instead of teaching them how to love it, all the mitzvous seem abhorrent and they go off the derech completely. You should think of MO has the Jewish Safety Net which is the last step before people go completely off.

I would have to ask my wife first.

I would be interested in knowing the makur of Tznius. Where in the Torah does it describe the lengths and clothing sytle that is considered minHatorah permissible?

The issue here is not with the husband looking at certain sites, but the cause of him looking at those sites. Yes, every man has a tayvah, but it is different to act upon it. For all those who suggest a wife going to a Rov, I would be the first to inform all of you that if my wife ever embarrassed me like that, I would ask for a divorce; and I told her this. If there is an issue she wants to discuss, she should come to me first before talking about it to anyone else. I just find it amusing that couples share the same home, but find it difficult sharing their thoughts and feelings.

Second, as mentioned, before, a Rov is not a marriage counselor and cannot help a couple in the time of need. Yes, he can discuss the halachos, avaros, punishments, etc, but not the cause.

The question everyone should be asking is why is he looking at those sites? What is driving him there? Most likely, there is a fundamental issue in their marriage that only a professional, certified marriage counselor can discuss and resolve.

And if looking at those sites cause alarm enough for a divorce, then the couple should get divorced since it seems the wife does not love her husband enough to help him through this time. The divorce is bound to happen sooner a later; either with him looking at sites, not wearing his black hat in the bathroom, or any other action that she deems inappropriate. My suggestion would be for him to divorce her because as they get older he might get sick and she would not know how to handle it either.

Sam2 Well said!!

Toi: African Americans wear black hats too, so according to your arguments a nice jewish boy should not wear it anymore.

Sam2: If the bread was baked commercially it is not asser. Bishul Akum was created against home baked goods.

Health: here is the link to the StarK’s website that discusses Bishul Akum and the heter of the light bulb.

http://www.star-k.org/kashrus/kk-issues-pas.htm

I wore a skirt on Purim. Boy was i cold. I give women a lot o credit wearing it in the winter.

A Yarmulka is a minhag, so I do not think it is a davar shel bkdusha. To prove, we kiss tzitis. We kiss Tefelin. We kiss a siddur. Do we kiss a yarmulka when it falls on the floor? Can we remove tzitis when wearing a four corner beged when going to work? We can remove a yarmulka.

So there is no issue putting ANYTHING on a yarmulka. If you want to argue ‘Se Pasht Nish’…that is a totally different argument.

YeshivaBochur:My wife was tired of being set up with bochurim that expected her to support and wanted an established man. My father did not let me date until I graduated college, had a job and was able to support a family. I granulated college when I was 23, also started working in my last semester and met my wife right after. She did not want to wait for “mediocrity” and she got me:):)

mommamia22: Career minded is not the problem. It’s the expectation that the wife needs to support. Some of these girls grew up in learning home and want more for their kids in terms of finances. They want to dress nice and not wear handme downs.

yitayningwut: You still need to include a percentage of girls that do marry boys who are 18. I think we had this calculation topic before. Let’s not get into it again. But according to your numbers, do you suggest boys dating earlier when they are not ready?

Minyan gal: this is why secretaries are important:)

Is your issue with the Yankees logo or also the Trains with Aleph bais?

BTW, you can also purchase a taalis koten with Elmo or Thomas the Train. Do you condone that?

Personally, if the child is 3 or 4 years old I see nothing wrong with it since the logos entice him to want to wear a yarmulka or tztits.

Simple. She wears a wig. The sefer condemns women wearing wigs and advocates that women cover their hair with a techil or the sort. However, she feels she cannot give up her wig.

The moral if story is YOU need to spend more time blogging and texting in order to understand people:)

LMA: it is funny how you consider RSRH as part of the Charidi circles, when he was the FIRST orthodox Rov to preach in German, not the typical yidish. Even in Amercia, until the 1940’s, all drashas were in Yiddish. Speaking Torah in any other language was considered treif! How can you even say RSRH was a chardei?? The Volozhin Yeshiva closed in 1892 because it refused to integrate secular studies. RSRH REQUESTED the German Government to be able to teach secular studies in Yeshiva.

I agree that TODAY’S Yekesh communities are part of the Charadi world, but RSRH was a probably the first MO Rabbi! As stated, please explain the Hirschian Schools. They were NOT Charadi at all. What you are doing is comparing is Yekesh community of today and charadi of today and morphing in the past. They are distinct. RSRH provided the foundation of MO, but as stated before, R’ Soloveitchik disagreed with the synthesis of the Torah and science and thus he was the champion of MO.

Stamper: MO is not apikoris or condone hersey. I do not know what R’ Shwab was talking about. However, either case, RSRH started Neo-Orthodoxy as R’Soloveitchik started MO. The current Ada Yeshruin is NOTHING like RSRH created. Please read up on the old Hilda Birn Schools (i think that what it was called) that RSRH started. Look at their derech and then tell me it is not similar (and as I stated, they are different)but call them cousins.

Lomed Mkol Adam: What you are describing is Litvaks in general. Cold and calculated Judaism, not MO. The whole chasidic movement started based upon “Ivdu Es Hashem B’Simcha”! Litvaks are known to be cold when it comes to yiddishkeit and a lot of Jews went off the derech because of it. The BaAl Shem Tov taught the Jews that one does not need to be a Talmud Chochim, but he should be “emotionally” happy, fileed with joy, when doing Mitzvas.

Since R’Soloveitchik is inherently a Brisk and learned the brisker derech, I can guess this “Hergesh/Dveykus/feelings/emotions” comes from Litvaks. However, this thread should be Chassidim versus Litvaks, not Orthodox versus MO!

Lomed Mkol Adam: Are you serious when you say “he MO philosophy disregards Hergesh/feelings altogether. “?? Are you saying Rabbi Shamson Rafuel Hirsch had no Hergesh or rabbi soloveitchik had no emotions??

Seriously, where do you come up with this?

To All:

If someone hurts my child, I would:

1) Kill the person myself.

2) Then call the police.

3) Call my Rov to arrange kosher meals for the short amount of time I’ll be in prison.