Gadolhadorah

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  • in reply to: Inappropriate intermingling at Chasunas 💃🍸🍷🕺 #1354874
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Da’Moshe had an excellent point regarding the underlying assumption of this thread that any comingling of the genders at chassanahs will lead pritzus, raise issues of tzinius and giluye arroyos etc. He notes that
    Rav Yosef Breuer, ztz”l (and some other chashuve rabbonim not all of whom were Yekeshe) strongly opposed to the practice of separate seating at chassanahs. He correctly noted this was a relatively new Americaneshe minhag and was not the practice in the alte heim where perhaps except for certain chassideshe courts mixed seating had been the general practice in Eastern Europe. The Yekkishe practice. was to have four married couples to a circular table (withno man sat next to another’s wife and with singles deliberately mixed so that young men and women could socialize with each other.

    Given that the fundamental biological, hormonal and yetzer harah DNA cannot have changed so quickly, If it was good enough for the Alte Heim, why is it not good enough for chashuve askanim like Joe??

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    So long hair is the underlying cause of the shidduch crisis in Lakewood?? I would think the real cause is the absence of “real’ beards” among the BMG crowd (aka facial hair cut too short)

    in reply to: Kosher Electricity #1354687
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    The biggest sakanah with so called “personal” Shabbos generators in frum neighborhoods is that many (not all) are hooked up illegally without the required protective equipment that would prevent backfeed into the grid and this puts the lives of chevrat chashmal workers at risk. They are also fueled by propane or diesel which must be stored on site which creates even greater fire hazards. There have been deaths and injuries reported as a direct result of these illegal generators.

    in reply to: Kosher Electricity #1354645
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Some use the term in EY to refer to power that has generated without any yidden working at the powerplant on Shabbos or in any way indirectly resulting in chilul Shabbos for power consumed. Some areas of Meah Shearim etc. have their own “Shabbos generators”…
    I’m sure there may be other meanings but this is one possibility.

    in reply to: Inappropriate intermingling at Chasunas 💃🍸🍷🕺 #1354549
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    For a change, Joe has a good point….The vaad in each community should organize and recruit a special group of Chassanah Cops (modeled after the Iranian Revolution Guards) who would enforce the halachos of tzinius,ervah, nidah etc. and take all necessary steps to assure none of the pritzus Joe describes would ever happen. They would operate under the supervision of the Rav Hamachshir for that simcha hall and if all else fails, announce that they will cancel the Viennase Table and Deserts undless everyone immediately moves back to their side of the mechitza.

    in reply to: Feud between Chabad & Breslov #1353074
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Motcha11:
    I don’t know where you get the mesorah that the Rebbe, Z’TL, taught his chassidim that all yidden, Litvish, misnagdim, other chassidus etc. will magically become Lubavitch at the time of z’man moishiach. Somehow the visuals of the BMG crowd in Lakewood and Skver from monsey joining hands on Eastern Parkway and waving yellow flags saying “Welcome Rebbe Moishiach” are a bit difficult to internalize.

    in reply to: Menashe #1352723
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    The movie actually shows how the father desperately wants to raise his young son alone after his wife dies but his rav feels the son should be raised by his brother-in-law’s family until the father, who works long hours at a heimeshe grocery, remarries and has someone at home for the child. Its a feel good movie, nothing at all that would raise concerns about pritzus, tzinius, or any visual kafirah.

    in reply to: Menashe #1352631
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    we saw it several weeks ago and enjoyed it. If you like this genre of “gritty” message movie (aka widower father’s love for his son v. rebbe’s insistence on need for a “stable family life” etc.) its reasonably well done and edited down to a short length. I’m not sure what the “mamash soton” element of this movie as its quite harmless….

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    There are some young women within the frum community who may simply decide for whatever reason to remain single. Yes, the are the exception and yes, some consider that contrary to what should be the singular focus of a bass yisroel but having made that decision, we should not make them feel marginalized. They should be accepted within the tzibur w/o our being judgmental.

    in reply to: Womyn and their careers #1351717
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    My presumption is that the majority of readers do not conduct their daily lives exclusively in certain neighborhoods of Willy, BP, Lakewood and Monsey. The point I made very early in this thread is that there is more widespread legal and social acceptance of nursing in public areas with varying degrees of attention to “modesty” (I won’t use the term tzinius to avoid confusion) among young women outside of the frum tzibur. Yidden who travel will have to accommodate these diverse visual encounters since they are only going to increase. To my knowledge, few (if any) of the 48 states that have legalized nursing in public specify limits on the mother’s exposure.

    in reply to: Feud between Chabad & Breslov #1351711
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Chaverim kol Yisroel??

    in reply to: Womyn and their careers #1351241
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To L&uL
    these are NOT two entirely different scenarios. Even among non-frum women, most will seek to discreetly nurse even in public (cover over with blanket or something like that). It may not be “strictly tziniusdkik by your standards but still discreet. The few wild-eyed nursing fanatics who do it openly and “in your face” are not the ones who really care about their children as much as their own political agendas. Some insist on nursing their children until they reach school age and the mother is told she cannot come on the school bus. At least in my experience, there are very few of these types of women in the frum community and most exercise common sense. Agree the my definition of “common sense” may clash with your definition of 100 percent tziniusdik/.

    in reply to: (Men’s) Mikvah Halachos #1351245
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Its a bit absurd that anyone would ask whether its appropriate (or halachically required) to shower prior to toiveling in mikvah. I think every mikvah I’ve ever been to has signs requiring a shower (and I assume the local Rav has approved such signage). As far as NOT showering after mikvah, for those who hold this way, for how long?? An hour? a day?

    in reply to: The best & worst shidduch advice you’ve been told. #1351161
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Best advice: Follow your head, then your heart and if all else fails, follow the eitzah from Joseph.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    I think we are living in a transitional generation and there is a very slow but gradual upward creep in the age of kiddushin as more frum young men and women take advantage of the new programs available for college and graduate education geared towards the frum tzibur. Also, the new Administration has vowed to cut off welfare payments, food stamps, etc. for able bodied young men and women who are not working at least part time. I dont’ think they will have a special “shteiging exemption” for kollel yungerleit who refuse to work. This MAY encourage more young men and women to stay in school and get the educational skills they need to get a job and support their families, knowing that reliance on public assistance may no longer be an option in the future.

    in reply to: Womyn and their careers #1350433
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Meno:

    According to a recent survey, forty-seven states, DC and the Virgin Islands have adopted laws that specifically allow moms to breastfeed in any public or private location. Two of the remaining states — South Dakota and Virginia — exempt breastfeeding moms from public indecency laws, and Idaho is the only state that has yet to pass any similar laws. Currently, the only protection nursing moms have in Idaho is jury duty exemption. I’m not allowed to post the link for this survey of state laws but if you google, you will find same results (or roughly similar since the terminology and degree of exemption from specific statutes may vary by survey). From a medical perspective, there are peer review studies that highlight the importance for nursing moms to nurse when their own and the baby’s needs dictate

    in reply to: Womyn and their careers #1350370
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    A nursing mother is legally and halachically allowed to nurse whenever and wherever the baby requires. The vast majority do so in a discrete and private manner since this is better for both the mother and baby. However, in rare cases where circumstances dictate and there are limited options for “privacy”, better to nurse the baby than worry about Joe’s or someone else’s visual/erva fragility.

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1350163
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    I don’t see Joe’s views as mainstream even among my yeshivish friends, much less as typical of the MO or frum tzibur in general. If you are saying that Joe is the resident troll and should be ignored, than perhaps I give his rants too much credence from an obviously “leftist” perspective….However, when he keeps pushing the same perspective on seemingly a new thread every few days, and seeks to legitimize an ignorant and hurtful view of young women who c’v havent’ married in their teens, than I will respond since these view have a long-term hurtful impact on so many b’nos yisroel who make their own life choices that include personal growth and education.

    in reply to: Protocols when getting an Aliya #1350128
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    I cannot think of one single area of the davening where minhagim vary so considerably among shuls, even within the same chassidus or litvish shuls within close proximity….In many cases the practices stem from how the Rav, baal koreh and gabbai doing the misheberachs do things. One of the most prevalent trends is to make
    “shenadars” less frequent and less blatant while always assuring that someone called for an aliyah has the option of doing so.

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1350111
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Not sure if you realize that there may be some young men and women (who for some reason I cannot personally relate to) do not want to marry and have children. Thats clearly the exception in the frum tzibur and off your radar screen but those numbers are actually rising, albeit based on anecdotal data. My personal objection is the tendency to label those individuals as dysfunctional, damaged goods or whatever since we don’t know (nor should we) why they may have made the decision to defer marriage or simply not to marry.

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1350069
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Joe: No, in my family a girl marries for the whole person, including his/her ruchnios, midos, overall intelligence etc. I don’t think anyone in my family is or will ever be deemed “wealthy” Going to college is not a matter of accumulating wealth or material items. Its about learning and experiencing much of what the Ebeshter has created and simultaneously developing the skills and intellect he provided beyond what might arguably be obtained in a beis Yaakov setting. From your postings, it seems your family’s frame of reference is a more narrow criteria of simply whether the kallah is of child bearing age a ready to start to start a family with little, if any concerns about what follows.

    in reply to: Womyn and their careers #1349807
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Hey Joe….Irs not just the courts….the majority of states, including many of the “torah belt states”, have enacted laws giving women the legal right to nurse their babies in any public location. A baby doesn’t care if the mother is at home, on the subway or in shul. When they want to be fed, they let the mother know. Most women typically find some way of nursing their child in a discrete way but thats the mother’s chocie. If something as natural as nursing a baby troubles you than perhaps you need to deal with that issue

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1349667
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Addtional comment to Joseph with respect to his analogizing kiddushin to a “game of musical chairs” where a young woman who pursues advanced education risks being the one “left without a chair” when the music stops…..I cannot think of a more uneducated and false analogy unless that has sadly been your experience, and for that I am sorry. A baas yisroe with strong grounding in daas torah and good midosl who pursues her dreams of having a balanced life including a career and family (and can also make a substantial contribution to the family’s income) will clearly be more attractive shidduch prospect in her 20s than someone with a high school education and little if any earnings potential. I guess it all depends on what you are looking for. For the bochur chained to a shtender and shteiging in kollel 24×7, maybe not but thats probably not what SHE would even consider.

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    It is not up to the phone dealer to install filters prior to selling a device to yidden….given the vast diversity of opinions among rabbonim about smartphones and their use, its up to each individual to follow the guidance of their local rav/posek in terms of what level of filtering (if any) they should install. If these idiots who demonstrate at the home of this dealer don’t want to use any smarphone, thats their deicsion but its not their right to impose their views on others.

    in reply to: Additional Societal Casualties Of The Shidduch Crisis #1349700
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    A number of frum sociologists and demographers have attempted to peform studies that compare divorce rates across various segments of the jewish community (aka chareidi vs. MO etc)…the only thing they agree upon is that there is no reliable data upon which to perform such studies….thus, these anecodotal “expert” conclusions will continue….i

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1349368
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    It is comical that in the 21st century, t is predominantly men who are postulating on what is good for women’s spiritual, physical and economic well being. Clearly, looking around at the state of affairs in many areas of the tzibur, they have been doing a great job. Perhaps wake up and realize that a young woman is no more susceptible to the yetzer horah than a man ( and biologically probably less so). As one of the other posters noted, a young woman with strong hashkafah and upbriinging can find many opportunities for pursuing her edcuation and career without compromising her yiddeshkeit, If she chooses to delay starting a family for several years, thats probably a net positive for the future success of that family since she will be able to contribute to their economic and educational well being.

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1348607
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    There are so many young frum women today who successfully have navigated marriage, family and careers that its hard to know where to begin to respond to your somewhat backward looking philosophy. Women should not be criticized for choosing a career path involving a graduate degree beyond college any more than those who simply choose to get married w/o any higher education or career skills. However, too much emphasis is placed on rushing to finding a husband have babies and making girls who haven’t married by their early 20s feel like damaged goods.

    in reply to: Is the shidduch crises real ? #1348560
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Several posters’ (in this thread and others) voiced variations of Joe’s theme that “going to college somehow reduces a girl’s ruchniyos outlook on life…”. Not sure how to respond to such a misogynistic allegation other than to note that bochurim are equally (if not more) susceptible to “worldly” influences once they step outside the narrow yeshiva/kollel world they have evolved from….in fact, girls attending college to be able to assure a parnassah for themselves and a prospective choson probably have greater maturity and more discipline to focus on what they are there for (i.e. obtaining job skills) and less on the more secular, mundane or social aspects of college life that Joe worries will adversely affect her ruchnioyos

    in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1348060
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Toi Meno:
    And what is the shiduch analogy to drilling multiple holes until you find the stud in your closet?

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Given that there is a wide spectrum of views among rabbonim on the use of smartphones and PDAs with various filtering apps installed, there can be no singular “daas torah” as some of the above postings have suggested with respect to the sale of these devices. Yes, there is a legal right for these zealots to demonstrate on the public right of way but most normal yidden would strongly object to such a protest at the merchant’s home on Shabbos. Just because something is legal under civil law does not make it “right”.

    in reply to: Confederate Statues #1346908
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    People keep saying that a stand-alone Statute doesn’t provide “context” for understanding the full set of issues surrounding the individual and why he is being memorialized in stone or bronze….if that is the standard we use, than probably 90 percent of these statutes need to be removed or relocated to a museum where such context is feasible. Alternatively, one can think about something like the Vietnam memorial or new 9/11 memorial in D.C and NYC….the “place” alone seems to provide sufficient context without triggering all the emotions about the underlying historical debate over the underlying event being memorialized.

    in reply to: Calling cops on frum neighbor #1346894
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Hatzola members are trained extensively on how/when to intervene in domestic abuse situations, including when to summon police or other first responders…I don’t think it is possible to generalize since each event will be very fact driven and they will need to rely upon their judgment as to the appropriate action. As someone else noted above, those decisions have to get made in real time and don’t always provide the opportunity to call “time-out” and consult with experts.

    in reply to: Calling cops on frum neighbor #1346887
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Syag

    Azoy….Thanks for corrected my misguided thinking…..we should be concerned more about the possible abuser if he is frum yid, than the victim, irrespective of whether the victim is a frum yid or a goy…..sounds totally reasonable???

    Perhaps you should read and familiarize yourself with the thread and who posted what before hurling sarcasm.

    in reply to: Calling cops on frum neighbor #1346878
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Just one question to all those who have posted above….would your answer to the original question have been different if the neighbor were not frum…..perhaps MO, reform or even a goy? For those of us whose view is that one should always err on the side of caution and summon first responders when one had reason to believe it was a case of possible physical abuse, the identify of the possible abuser (or the abused) shouldn’t make any difference whatsoever. Our obligations to protect another person are not a function of their hashkafah.

    in reply to: Source for not saying the word “cancer?” #1346843
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    These kind of practices are an arcane holdover from prior generations….not just within the frum community but even in the secular world. Millenials today (frum or otherwise) have few if any inhibitions about discussing health-related matters openly and frankly. That kind of transparency is a real positive as Yankele noted for awareness and the mental and emotional health of those who sadly may be suffering in silence. Hopefully, the old “ayin horah” meshugaas in this context will simply go away.

    Edited

    in reply to: Only unlined paper for a kvittel? #1346604
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    While its a fun idea for a thread, not every minhag has any rational basis….how many times do we here that we do it because, “thats the way it was done in the alte heim”…maybe 200 hundred years from now people will say simply that the inyan for some practice is because thats the way it the experts in the YWN CR said it should be done

    in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1346307
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    A racehorse shadchan (aka “studfinder”) works almost entirely from computer based predictive models built around the pedigrees of the horse going back several generations to the alte heim (aka Kentucky)….they don’t do trial dates or need much if any personal interaction with their clients…

    in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1345648
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Thanks Winnie….very cogent and thoughtful analysis. However, your takeaway is the key point…today and going forward, more focus should be on the individual and less on the family’s pedigree….it may be relevant for purchasing a racehorse but less for a prospective spouse

    in reply to: California Pistachios and Iranian Imports #1345614
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    The USITC has been debating this issue for years with very consistent outcomes. As distinct from the Department of Commerce, they are very apolitical and call balls and strikes based on objective metrics of injury to U.S. producers.

    in reply to: What’s a girl to do if her father is not a Talmid Chacham? #1345417
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    What ever happend to the quaint notion of judging a baas yisroel by her own knowledge of daas torah, her own midos and her own attributes rather than focusing on her father, her brothers, or her machatunim? It seems every other week there is another thread on some variation of this theme of shidduchim driven by the yichus of the choson or kallah rather than focusing on the individuals and their own merits.

    in reply to: Here we go again with alleged theft of public funds #1345419
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Again, the issue is as much an inyan of perception versus reality. For reasons most understand, the public and media seem to exploit a hundreds of year old Shylock stereotype of yidden as more prone to commit crimes invovling fraud, theft, tax evasion etc. (aka “they are all ganavim”..) Each episode of a yid in chassidish or yeshivish lvush being dragged off to jail only reinforces that stereotype nothwithstanding the fact the the real number of such instantces of proven fraud are small. i

    in reply to: Schools Moving To Lakewood #1343888
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Is there some special quality to the Litvish yeshivos in Lakewood that attracts frum families from outside the NJ area or is it like all the car dealerships clustering in the same are of a busy highway in terms of yidden simply wanting to reside where there is already a flourishing frum community? For many of these families, living in a diverse community is a negative rather than positive….another question is what this means for the long-term economic and employment growth in Lakewood. Will these new residents, in turn, help generate new jobs and expand the community tax base?

    in reply to: Here we go again with alleged theft of public funds #1343226
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Ninty eight percent plus of frum rabbonim and askanim invovled in yiddeshe mosdos are honest, hard-working and true baalei chesed and follow the rules and regulations….sadly, the 2 or 3 percent who bend the rules for their own greed and enrichment and try to rationalize their vile behavior as having noble intententions or otherwise legitimize their behavior under halacha (aka “its ok to steal from the goyishe government”) have created a stereotype that feeds the anti-semitic naarative that all yidden are ganovim

    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    If the minhag in the alte heim when entering the court of a king was to REMOVE your hat or head covering, why is the mesorah to wear a hat when davening to show respect for hashem, melech malchei ha’malachim???

    in reply to: The RCA Are Outta Control, And Do NOT Speak For Me #1341606
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    There were Yekeshe appologists for Hitler, Y’S, literally up to the 11th hour…..I can imagine a resident troll on some frum webite in the late 1930s (yes, I know Al Gore had not yet invented the internet) telling his coffee room chevrah that the Communists were a much greater threat.

    in reply to: The Casualties of Yiddish in Litvishe Chadorim #1340911
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Yiddish is a dying language and its not clear that anyone here has provided any reasons to extending its life one more day than necessary. Between English and Hebrew, or the lantive lanuage of whatever country they live in, Yidden do not need any other lashon. The time spent learning yiddish could be much more usefully spent in limudei torah.

    To Apushetayid: Much better to have that hybrid English than to have some native Isreaeli mumble “yashar, yashar” in response to your request for directions.

    in reply to: Thank You President Trump! #1340897
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    After 7 months of this self-absorbed moron in the WH, the fact that there are still more than a few yidden defending the Trumpkopf in Chief is beyond belief. While Ivanka unfortunately cannot disown her father, the fact that the Yidden in the cabinet ( especially Mnuchin and Cohen) have not spoken out is tragic. About an hour or two ago, the head of the Veterans Adminisration, Dr. David Shulkin broke the silence and forcefully repudiated Trump’s remarks. Hopefully , he will follow up with a resignaiton.

    in reply to: yichus from the chasam sofer #1339855
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    Its all a matter of what family tree impresses who…beyond the first generation, there is unlikely to be much direct impact on a descendant. I’m sure for purposes of shadchanus among a small percentage of the tzaibur, being able to claim yichus to EITHER the Chasam Sofer or R’ Eiger would be a net positive but even then, most frum young men and women today are much more concerned about the attributes and midos of the prospective chasan/kalah than who their grandfather or great-grandfather may have been.

    in reply to: Complimenting what someone is wearing #1339858
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    This is a really slippery slope, especially in the workplace and has lots of risks. Better to simply smile and say “boker tov” or “what a lovely day”

    in reply to: Protocols when getting an Aliya #1339185
    Gadolhadorah
    Participant

    To Lowerourtuition2010.

    Shakoyach on a concise and very accurate set of responses to a lot of questions….your points on the preferences of the baal koreh are espeically appreciated since too many receiving an alyiah inadvertently end up making the reader either lose his place or c’v damage the sefer. The inyan of a “shenadar” is also problematic and more shuls are correctly moving away from this custom of a “standard price” for an aliyah and simply leaving it up to the person receiving a kavod to make the offer. As to lengthy lists of those mentioned in the mi sheberach, its rare these days in most shuls to go beyond the immediate family (wife, kids and sometimes parents) but when it happens, it always seems to be on the shabbos with the longest parashas and the person with the aliyah seems to have memory issues with the in-laws name etc.

Viewing 50 posts - 4,201 through 4,250 (of 4,454 total)