Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Sorry but it seems that you are reading what i did not say. I only listen to what my friend tells me. I am not involved.All i did was get her connected to the Daas Torah who did not answer to her phone calls!
My friend who has an only child lost this child to the most uncooperative machatonim. Her son was what is considered a top boy. Her daughter in laws sister is a shadchon who can even sell the Brooklyn Bridge. Although her son said “NO” after the second date, he was conived to continue till the shidduch happened. My friend and her husband with the help of her father ended up footing 98% of everything.The machatonim said we didn’t need this and that, when they really do. When my friend bought her daughter in law gift, she later saw the mother with the gift who claimed the daughter did not like it. At this point the machatonim have brainwashed her son against them. The son being immature says that he is following Daas Torah.Even though the boys side pay for 98% of everthing, it is the machatonim who tell them how to spend money and direct their lives. It is as if the daughter in law is the only child. I will end with this, that it is up to work things out before any shidduch is finalized. At the engagement everyone is excited and many times the most important things are overlooked. Being an only child is not a factor it’s the people you are dealing with.
This couple recently moved back to U.S.A. with the girls side making all arrangements.They claim they can no longer help financially after three years.Even during this time they kept about 30% of what they said they would. If the kids came for Yom Tov they expected them to pay for the tickets by renting their apartment. When my friend had to pay for the ticket it had to be money up front.
Going back to return to America, my friend was told what part of the furniture they should buy while from the girls side they are giving the couple bedroom and dining room that is 40 years old.They were also told howmuch rent they will pay.
My friend has tenants who moved but behave like children to her. We friends told her to write a will and leave all to them, as they are the ones who treat her as parents!!!..
Different folds have different strokes!
As a child of holocaust survivors our minhag was not to eat chometz till the following day chatzos. I still hold this minhag and in truth i am not a big chometz eater. Some of my children stick to it and some don’t. Of our new family members, one family has a minhag of making their own pizza on Motzei Yom Tov. Last night one of my sons wanted to treat the hard working family members to pizza. Although we declined he did mention that the line at the pizza shops were out the door. Yes, in my opinion it’s a little absurd ! One should try to have a little more self control!
A girl who starts out larger can very well become thinner and a thin girl can and we have seen many who end up being larger than the larger was to begin with.
Some people have thyroid issues which calls for alot of self control and way of life, so we shouldn’t be judgemental about weight.
I have struggled with weight all my life and today many of my grademates who were thin are heavier than myself. I know i must watch or else i easily gain weight. This is part of my life. People who used to be thin and suddenly start gaining have an issue with self control.
It’s interesting that if the girl has $$$$$ to match the weight then it’s not a issue!?!?!?!?!?
If you are still in need of the Wonder Baker we have one that we are not using anymore and would gladly give it free. We don’t use gebrochts and it has not been used for many years. As we are moving after Pesach we are trying to eliminate any unused household items including Wonder Baker. We are in Boro Park, if you are interested.
This may be an eye opener for some, however as many of us pointed out smoking is an addiction. Of late, there are women in our frum community smoking.They may do it in private but for someone who has lived with a smoker, (and no he was not permitted to do it at home) you can easily identify a smoker by the smell, teeth, nails or body signals when he/she has an urge and must have a cigarette. During the summer, at a bungalow colony one of the women pointed out that every so often, a certain lady(no longer with us) just left the circle for a few minutes. One smart lady quietly told me she went for a smoke. So let’s turn the question around “would you let your non smoking son marry a girl who smokes discreetly”…. i forgot to add and her father is ready to give a large dowry????
Smoking is an addiction and a bad one too.
My husband stopped smoking after 40 years and he himself is disgusted by the smell too and doesn’t believe how he could have done something so low!
We treat our regular cell phones as kosher phones, meaning phone only used for ingoing and outgoing calls. Photos taken are used to identify caller easily.
Although we do make our own gefilte for Pesach from scratch we do use Freund’s gluten free gefilte all year. It is starch free and delicious. When preparing our own we also don’t use starch and happens to be delicious.
Even if it is privately funded, in my opinion this is strange with rents being what it is. We all get flyers from them, why this. By the way, at the last mailing we got 2 to our name and 3 were for people who have move 12+ years ago. We have called them, returned the wrong ones in the enclosed postage paid envelopes and they still keep coming.
Download shiurim on your MP3 player which you can listen to.
Theory is not to get out of bed.
Yes, i know it is very upsetting to look at the clock and realize how long you are laying awake.
Insomnia is also age related and affects women more than men.
On occassion i am forced to take something just to get to myself.
Go to Menachem Toker’s site http://toker.co.il where you can choose type of music and listen to Chassidic, Shabbos or Carlebach and you will get alot of choices that you would enjoy. Last night he played heartwarming music that would be excellent for kumzitz.
You have to be the one to be realistic that all is from Hashem. Daven, daven, daven that you end up with a mentch because that is the key to a good marriage. Don’t feel that the grass is greener on the other side. People can put up a good show. Money helps and is important but what is it worth if you end up with someone who makes you account for every penny? If you want to know the truth about dreams, listen to Rabbi Yossi Mizrachi’s lecture on dreams, which does not include marriage!!! Hatzlocha Rabba on your venture. Listen to your parents but if you feel they are not hearing you, talk with them, at a corredt time and nicely let them know your feelings.Even if you feel like screaming, bite your tongue and keep quiet.
If you feel they really are not capable of handling the situation, then discuss the situation with a Rav or reputable person, not with your friends or here in the CF where you don’t really know us and who we really are. We all sound nice and normal and sensible too but some of us may be phonies!!!
try Aish.com
Chabad.org
YW also has recipes
OU website
With all your shmoozing, could you give specific instructions on how to change ones name on CR. We all could use some change once in a while, especially ones name on CR!
Besides the mortgage there are real estate taxes, water, fuel, home insurance,gardening and extras that happen such as plumbing where a water main, hot water heater, furnace need repair or replacement. In addition is roofing that needs upkeep.
Make sure that you are able to cover both expected and unexpected expenses. Boro Park is still expensive. Anything going for 5-6 hundred needs alot of work which adds to expenses too. Many people forced into forclosure went ahead and purchased homes thinking that the mortgage was the only expense. I fargin you with my whole heart and good luck.
There is a pediatric neurologist in Far Rockaway who is the doctor all Rabbonim from all over the world consult with in any emergency with neurological problems,even if it is Shabbos. His wife works with my sister and she tells of how her husband knocks on peoples doors,(especially on Shabbos afternoon when many kids are on their own and do whatever they shouldn’t be doing )and gives the parents the type of mussar you gave and how they just leave their kids hefker. If they talk back to him he tells them that now they are yelling at him and when there is a problem they come running and begging to him for help even if on Shabbos or Yom Tov.
There is a hospital in Manhattan, if i remember correctly it is Cabrini which has one floor of children who are brain damaged and living as vegetables lo aleinu some as result of such as not wearing a helmet while riding a bike.
If our grandchildren are caught without their helmets, the bikes are taken away. It’s the law of the land and Dina D’Malchusa Dina!
Your were 100% right.
You can attend Ohr Naava and meet others as yourself.
Not all girls attend seminary and some are the most finest and models for others to learn from.
There are also many shiurim that can be downloaded and listened to on such as MP3.
Remember the horror stories with cleaning help before Pesach last year! Make sure that the cleaning help doesn’t decide to clean where you didn’t ask her to! And never leave them in the kitchen alone. Don’t get me wrong, i do have and do depend on outside help. Enjoy and be happy you are home and not chas v’shalom where too many of our dear ones are… in the hospital. Count your blessings!!
We are hooked on the best and most mehudar Matzos Kommemius from Eretz Yisroel. We used to bring them back upon our return from Eretz Yisroel when Purim spent there. Now we order in advance and pick them up here in Boro Park.
This is a drop off topic…but how does one go about to change their screen name?
When i refused the mezinka before my youngest sons wedding my son in learning found a sefer where the minhag is written so we went along with it. I will try to get the name of the sefer.No it was not in sefer Taam Haminhagim.
By us the women did the mezinke on the womens side with me and close family and then the men got the brooms and did the dance with my husband on the mens side.The musicians played the correct tune for the men but on our side it was the music they were playing at the time as they were on the men’s side.
There was no mixing chas v’shalom and the mechitza was a full wall. There were also alot of Choshiva people as guests.
Unfortunately, some people take a minhag and add flavor to it and ignore halachos.No Chassidishe minhag includes mixing. In fact in many Chassidishe circles,the kalla’s face is covered with a veil when she dances Mitzva Tanz.
Once upon a time there was a place in Eretz Yisroel called Gush Katif. It was a beautiful place where Jews lived in harmony, loved and toiled the land to produce a variety of growings in greenhouses that bought in millions of dollars for the country.
One day it was decided that dismantling this place would bring peace between our enemies and us Jews. Thus people were forcibly taken out of their homes and watched their homes,shuls,schools being dismantled and as a result even breaking up families.
Has CNN done a documentary of Gush Katif 5.5 years ago and today? Of course not!!!!But it’s obvious that you have access to internet so you can view yourself what has become of Kush Katif…a wasteland for terrorist to furthur the destruction of our Holy Land and to break up families by killing innocent loved ones. This is Gaza, kitchen of terrorism!
Some very good points here are made.
The situation goes both ways. Some couples are doing it on their own and yet the “theys” are convinced that the parents are helping them.
And yes there are those who help and put their children first and themselves last. But what’s chutzpah is when the young ones who do get a home speak of it as if they bought the house and easily comment about what others are buying or building when it’s the parents(usually one side) funding the project. A little more Hakoras Hatov due to devoted parents would be nice once in a while. And the machatonim too could say Thank You!
As they say in Yiddish many youngsters feel that “Es Kumpt Zei”, it’s due to them.
Let’s be dan l’chaf zechus.
Some people go away because they are dealing with illness and their Pesach at hotel is funded by good hearted people.
Some people go away because their apartment/home is not big enough to fit everyone.
Some people go away because they have no family this way it’s more pleasant.
Some people go away for Shalom Bayis reasons.
For some people this is their once a year vacation.
Remember, Hashem gave us all one nose and stuck it on our face and that’s where it belongs, not in other peoples business!
Believe me it’s probably very nice to have someone wait on you and relax! Each person is entitled to do as they feel as long as they don’t owe anyone any money!!!
Don’t feel bad for doing what is right!
Before the shul we daven at was redone the mechitza was in middle vertically. Therefore, on one side of the mechitza directly were men benches and on the other side women. The women’s side was considered the better seats but for the men it was the end and yes there was alot of talking. My mother should be well was in shul every Shabbos early enough so to be there at the beginning. Near the mechitza were the shmoozers on the men’s side. This would disturb her and she would either bang on the mechitza or say things as nu, nu or sh,sh to quiet them. Once one of the men yelled back (and i am just paraprasing, not even using the real words he used) and said ” you old woman what are you excited about, you are almost smelling the grass”! My mother is an almana and very proper and kept quiet. This story goes back at least 18 years if not more. My mother is B”H still here with us and yes you guessed right, some of the einiklech named after this man were already Bar Mitzvahed!
Don’t feel bad for doing what is right!
Whenever we came across such a situation, we mentioned it as soon as we got on the plane and the steward(s)(ess) were very understanding and accomodated us. Sometimes by looking around you can fix it yourself. We fly El Al but on a trip in U.S.A. last year it was also taken care of very nicely, without a fuss.
Just be polite and ask!
In Pirkei Avos we learn “Asei Lcha Rav Uknei Lcha Chaver”,meaning one can choose a Rav and buy a friend. Chassidus goes beyond clothing. Yes, it looks nice and regal but only do it if you have a Rav who you feel close too and can share any dilemna you have. This is not something to just do.
We have a BT friend of over 20 years. Her husband was a Ger. At the time of their wedding he was close to a member of a large Chassidus. The Ger was dressed in all the Chassidish clothing including white socks. Later he made his wife put on a shpitzel. After the wedding, when the show was over , they were left on their own. He lived two lives and the end they got divorced. He went back to his old ways and she raised the two children.
Today she is alone and very disappointed at the community. She is a fun person with alot to offer and would love to get married. With the response from us Boro Parkers being so blah, she is starting to give up even on being Shomeret Shabbos.
Just go ahead with your change if you have someone to hold your hand 24/365!
Sorry to welcome you to the club.I have been there in your condition but now am not in your condition and have a ongoing sciatica.
Chiropracter did not help but i did go for accupunture, so far only once. The accupuncture described it as a tight muscle issue and gave me stretching exercises to do. However, before i do exercise, i should keep a moist heating pad on top of body rather than back because that is where the heat could get to muscle area quicker. I also went to an othropedic who took scans and said i must have stretched a muscle. He too told me about the stretching and gave me an anti inflammatory drug. B”H, so far today i am slowly feeling some relief and could sit for longer time.
Refuah Shelaima!
My brother in laws proposed to my sister while on a bridge. He told her if she said NO, he would jump into the ocean.
B”H they are happily married and have a beautiful home with the foundation on Torah and Mitzvos!
If you want to go into any professional type of work do it the right way. Would you use a doctor, dentist or other M.D. if they did their studying on line? Of course not. Many of the online courses will get you the degree but not the hands on experience. Go for a program that is right not that is call Rite!
Many agencies are starting to reject professional with online type of schooling, so prepare yourself correctly with a program that is real not short!!!
If you leave me an email contact, i could hook you up to someone who is starting the same in Brooklyn.
Had you posted this last week, you could have joined the jewelry show at the Javitz Center in N.Y.C. this week.
Try to log in and see if there are any leads there and how many days the show will be. Maybe you can still join.
The area of Speech Therapy is not flooded. Although many young “smart” youngsters are going into the field, one is not limited. With speech you can work with population of infant to geriatrics.
The are of Special Ed is flooded as one does not have to be too smart to get a degree in that field today. There are mentor programs in which some course requirements can be done by an average 3rd grader. Also, some of the funding,especially in the area of EI, Early Intervention has already been cut. In the area of SEIT the cases are coming in slower than in the past. When i went into the field 25+ years ago the requirements and demands were higher than today. We had to prove ourselves to move on. With this area you are limited from birth to 21 years of age population.
Anyway, you asked about speech, go for it! If you have feelings for O/T or P/T, then perhaps reconsider.In these areas too the population is not limited!
Hatzlocha Rabba!
You are not stating the time that this occurred. Perhaps it was within 18 minutes of candle lighting. We live in Boro Park and in specific have a neighbor who davens far away, so if i look out the window after i light candles, i can see him drive off. He returns with the car on Motzei Shabbos. Maybe these people do the same! Don’t judge by the cover!
This is definitely something you should check with your Posek/Rov.
Years ago my husband returned from E”Y with a siddur for me that had the Berochos as Goya and Shifcha. I used it for many years and davened so even after the siddur disappeared. Perhaps i gave it to a young BT girl from Ukraine who stayed with us for a while or else one of my sons decided to clean up around Pesach time.
Anyway, at our bungalow colony we started to doing Tefilla Betzibur on Rosh Chodesh and i was one of the voulunteers for the Berachos. Yes, i used Shifcha and Goya version. The women were apalled and asked where it came from and i told them the story.
One woman discussed it with her husband who did some research and came back to me saying that one could not answer Amen when saying Brachos in Goya and Shifcha version.
I did revert back to the siddur version as i have tried to purchase a women’s version siddur with Goya and Shifcha version(that may have some explanation) but to no avail.
Let the comments keep coming including a comment directly from a Rav who is a Posek too, not as second source.
Just listened to a shiur on Modesty by Rabbi Yossi Mizrachi on TorahAnytime.com This shiur can be listened to, seen on computer or downloaded onto your MP3 to be listened to at your convenience. B”H i am not challenged with this subject and thank Hashem for it.Eventhough, i did benefit from the shiur, as in the shiur Rabbi Mizrachi mentions halachos related to tznius that i was not aware of. Listen or view and share with your friends!
In being involved in a problematic situation, i was asked to look into this Brain One quick fix therapy. In asking around and speaking to reputable people in Eretz Yisroel it was a 20% positive and 80% negative. I also spoke to someone who is very involved in Shalom Bayis between children and parents, chosson and kallah and couples who said it should be called No Brain. When it was presented to me it sounded somewhat like the Wolf commented above, Brain Washout that just spins what’s in your head and when settles you are back to where you started. The difference is someone is a few dollars richer. In Eretz Yisroel the rate was 60% more in Yerushalayim for this (diservice) than in Bnei Brak!!
Remember the Klein’s Kosher Ice Cream vending machine in Rabbi Newhouse’s B.Y. where you could buy an ice cream pop for ten cents or a pickle at the corner store for a nickle.
When we moved to Boro Park after Bedford Sty, i was assigned weekly food shopping at the age of ten. Yes, i was considered the responsible one in the family at a very young age. If i went to 46th street i could do grocery and fruit for $9 to $10 for the week. If i stayed in the neighborhood it would be about $3 more.
We were a family of six.
My parents trusted me with doing the bank deposits too at that age.
It was also acceptable to frequent the Brooklyn Public Library for good and acceptable reading material such as All Kind of a Family and for the younger ones such as Snip, Snap and Snurr or Flicka, Ricka and Dicka. We also read Yiddish such as Der Yiddishe Licht!
To canine, i wasn’t commenting that they were taking cash. Of course most people pay cash for such as grocery, fruit, meat and fish stores. We do!
To always there, the people working at the cash store only were all male. I would think that people joining YWCF can tell the difference between male and female! Cash stores only can afford to sell items at a big discount.
I for one do comment about not employing a Yid if the storeowner is in the store if/when i am patronizing that store.
One of the stores had a sign in the window stating that they were looking for workers. When my friend who is unemployed and entered the store to inquire about the job, she was told they were looking for male employees of the kind that cross the borders and usually don’t speak English. She, as a BT was apalled at the response especially that they were specific in the type they were looking for.
She was ready to work for $10 per hour, which is less than $12!
I am sure Rabbi Horowitz from Project Yes or the people who run Our Place would be able to give this store and others too a whole list of male teenagers,young and strong and looking for employment just to be off the streets.
Would it be okay if we can list stores that we see employ Nisht Yidden that we are sure a Yid would be ready to do the job just to get out of the house or off the streets already?!?!?
Just came back from doing errands on 13th avenue. I still am apalled that while so many among us are ready to do any type of work, some storeowners feel comfortable hiring “nisht a yid”. Some stores that hired nisht a yid was popular cash only grocery with having nisht a yid running the store including cash register, card shop, toy store. We wanted the toy store but drove to 18th avenue where store owner has yidden running the store. If more of us will give business only to store owners giving a yid a job, perhaps it will give some of the unemployed among us a chance.
B”H that you have your head is on such matters. Before anything daven for healthy and normal children with a good mazel! Don’t give Hashem any eitzos! I know of two families who had 4 of one, meaning one family had 4 boys and the other 4 girls. No, they did not know each other. Each was determined, a must, it had to be…. to have the next be girl/boy. Well, the one with the 4 girls had a boy and the one with the 4 boys had a girl. Sure you would think they were now pleased and exited. Well, maybe partially as both were given the challenge of a special needs child with that 5th child. Today with so much going on and such different nisyonos that some people are tested with, please first is gezunt! Don’t give Hashem any suggestions, He has the #1 plan for you and accept it with a smile.
How do you define a whole day?
In U.S.A. a whole day of learning is usually 10-2 and 4-7:30 unless you have a morning and evening kollel.
So if you are here in U.S.A. there is time for doing a bread route for a bakery, taking an elderly man to shul, teaching English to lower grades,cleaning a shul,delivering for a grocery or others.
Remember it’s not a sin to work, it’s a sin to steal!
Don’t be depressed about not getting into a seminary. The same applies to boys trying to get into brand name yeshivos in Eretz Yisroel. First it may be because you don’t have pull that other do. If this is what is important to get in(pull in the name of money or right last name) then the seminary or yeshiva does not stand for the values it is supposed to provide. And probably you are better than alot who are/were accepted.
Just returned from Eretz and passed by one of the hard to get into yeshivos. Well, when i passed there were too many out in front either smoking, on their cell phones . Is this what their parents sent them to Eretz for?Is this what some parents second mortgage their homes for?
If you stay here in U.S.A., go to a seminary here and start some other courses to get you a degree in an area of interest to you, you will be way ahead than many of your classmates who are going to Eretz. Many girls will later admit that they were forced to go because of shidduch reasons and regret wasting their time. Many girls are away from home and if their parents would put a private dedective on them , they would see it was money wasted and current heartache.
It is a very small percentage that really go sincerely and have “tachlis” and the question is are you one of those girls? If yes, you will be accepted I”H. Hatzlocha Rabboh!!
As citizens of this country to which we both contribute and take, in my opinion there is nothing wrong. We too were students of Rabbi Newhouse’s Z”L Bais Yakov and we did pledge each afternoon and sang the national anthem. It would be nice if todays children would know the words to the pledge and national anthem. One never knows when joining in such will show a Kiddush Hashem.
When one goes to obtain citizenship it is a requirement!
One of our children who lived in E”Y moved back to USA after 6.5 years. They settled in Boro Park near one of the parents. Yes, we did and are helping them partially. Our son is a serious learner, meaning he is not busy on a cellphone or driving a car and using a given credit card to spend money. He is in a pre morning Kollel,a day Kollel and evening Kollel which includes Fridays and Motzei Shabbos too. The kollel pay is fair. His wife is trying to build up a small business she had in E”Y. The question is what you consider yourself e.i. Litvish, Chassidish or some other.
Are you discussing this issue with both sets of parents and see how they can help. Family input should be considered and is important and that means both sides.
Hatzlocha!
While on the subject of tzedoka, what would you answer to the following? One of our mother’s aides/nurse who is with us for a few years came with an envelope today and asked if we can donate to her house of worship. They lost their lease and need money. She is with our family and sees our community and sees the way we help each other so she too is asking for our charity.
She is a seventh adventist! Yes, we will ask our Rav how to handle this, but i figured some of you will have a laugh reading this.
If you do your homework well in the area of Cholov Yisroel, you will find out that there are only two brands. One is Golden Flow which has their own plant exclusively and the other companies all get their milk from the same place, which is a company that kashers for them under various labels with different Hechsheirim.
In our family it was and is alway Golden Flow. We tried the rest and went back to the best.
Enjoy whatever you use gezunterheit!
What a shame what i am reading about. Although we from the older generation would go straight to Bais Yakov, the younger ones made their own kehilla schools. Some of the new Bais Yakov type of schools, where Litvish havorah is used were started by teachers of Bais Yakov. Rabbi Ehrenreich gave them a Brocha and gave/gives them any guidance they need/want. Unfortunately, some of these schools present themselves as more Holy or kosher than B.Y. However, at the same time Bais Yakov sort of became a place where too many who may have special needs came to. Many students may have sibblings who fall into the norm who are sent to other schools because Bais Yakov is really not their speed but for the special needs child Bais Yakov is good. Perhaps we old timers can get together and try to work on getting Rabbi Shapiro back and working on reconstruction in Bais Yakov.
Rabbi Ehrenreich is a true Tzaddik and deserves only good!
I remember when couples who got married knew they were old/mature enough to take care of themselves and ready to pay their own bills as rent, tuition,groceries and not be forever dependent on parents.
I also remember when tuition for 4 at Bais Yaakov of Williamsburg was $36 a month.