meir G

all the chofetz chaim yeshivos & kollelim are going in the end many more are going

mb10- if you are chassidish, and family growing its time to move on to next stage of life not move out tand kick the can down the road… the out of town kollel model is generally not sustainable for many reasons , these kollelim with the best of intentions need to run 20 ads to get one guy to move out there, chicago offers green cards …
out of town communities are wonderful for those that are there already, but why would you leave NY where you have yiddishkeit & convience times 50..
as far as cost of living “if ” you are chjassidish and belong to a kehilla financialy its not cheaper to be out of town
even baltimore who has a nadvan carrying the financial burden almost fell apart during covid and is not clear what the long term …

everyone knows the questions, look around u will see the struggles no one with sechel thinks that the gedolim have the answers or power to change .. hashem has not granted them that level of ruach hakodesh & they themselves say it often …rather the questions are asked to shed some light and a bit of direction ad sheyovoh eliyahu
go over to any big rosh yeshiva and ask him … he will say zorich iyun godol… i can answer for a yochid what you should try to do in your situation but i dont have the power to make major changes

simple; parents have 20 + years of real life experience , hopefully are not distracted by minor flaws..
shidduchim is a learning curve ..paert of the process is hoping for … and than slowly being more open and accepting .. as u are of yourself despite your weaknesses..
of course parents need to know their child & avoid their own agendas…
IN EACH SHIDDUCH AT LEAST 6 PEOPLE NEED TO AGREE so its a miracle when anyone gets engaged

always ask.. you mixed up the memra the requirement was “TOCHO K’ BARO- meaning the inside should be AS GOOD as the outside.. rav miller explains that baro ” the exterior” always looked more pious than the inside and rabban gamliel wanted only metzuyanim thru & thru. yet the other tanna held that the chitzonius is meorer es hapnimiyos and even if you need a lot of work on the inside .. look the part be part of the yeshiva world anyway.. and that will help
in the early 60’s the satmar rav was invited to yeshiva torah vodaas in willy and although the bochurim looked very american & not yeshivish , the rebbe was so impressed with the sincerity & ” americaner temimus” , that he gave a brocho to rav mendelovitz that the bochurims “baro should be as good as their tocho”

imagine calling a big lawyer lewin, brafman, dershowitz and saying a i have a legal question for you , what would be his answer?
yet you can call or go over to any big posek and ask your halacha shaaloh for free bekovod ubesever panim.. with no fee

always ask.. give the check anonymously to his wife & it wont change your relationship , figure what yom tov cost you and match it ( if u can)

as with all big questions ” it depends” there are so many variables & factors that affect the answer
whats your ” market value” ( ugly term , but it is a market of sorts , & there are value markers)
how perceptive are you on dates..
bothers you very much, how many blanks are filled in on that question
whom you ask info from & whom u just didnt call & missed is also min hashomayim
you will hopefully KNOW your spouse within 5 years of marraige
marriage is like krias yam suf in that it needs tefila, hishtadlus but the sea doesnt split UNTIL YOU JUMP ( a leap of faith)

we have plenty of opinions here in the coffee room on anything & everything
but BP27 is correct we need background info to help u?

great question;
there are two types of uses , viewers & comment posters
only ywn can really answer those stats
but my hunch is very small number , 90% of comments are by the same 30 posters , also the actual number & length of comments even on hot topics is minimal. that is based on comparing this coffee room to the yiddish one called ivelt where u can see the number of views & comments many topics have 1000’s of comments and 100, k views . i am amazed at the detail & knowledge as a recent example the petira of rav dr twerzky z”l had 8 long pages of comments , pics , documents..`. maybe its a positive thing that the american yeshiva world is working & learning instead of wasting time

a few points ;
no decent yid wants “families going to orlando” to have problems ,
a famous line but true ” its not about the money”
yes frum parents work very hard & have a right to spend money the way they wish ( within very broad parameters) although its not a blank heter to blow …$$
the majority of frum yidden would not go to orlando for pesach EVEN FOR FREE
here are a few reasons why?
yom tov is supposed to be ” hecher” , its a time to be focused on ruchnius each on their level – sure there is good food , new clothing,..this is not the proper time on the calender- you need to go , pick a weekend in the winter
ZMAN CHEIRUSANU- we are blessed with a shefa yet we are far from free.. its very difficult to feel cheirus in orlando
cleaning & preparing for pesach are exercises that are so therapeutic & cleansing for your families neshama – this is not deep kaballa , this is basic 9 when your goyta vacuums & “you sell the house ” you are missing an opportunity & your kids lose out as well ,
davening in a SHUL- the olam , the singing , the tzura of a mikdash me’at & A RAV to say a few words is very diff. than sitting around a tent or living room with a small siddur
there are circumstances for individual families to go but overall its not jealousey rather a disappointment in the yeridas hador

3 things to do first
1. speak to a bunch of similar style frum families that made aliya , and ask them ?
2. speak to at least 2 rabonim who know this specific line in the anglo / isreal neighborhoods
3. look in the mirror , whats motivating you to take such a drastic step ? & why NOW?

flatbush part 2- some of the above comments make it sound like flatbush is disintegrating thats a huge exaggeration – flatbush is & will continue to be an ir veem beyisroel
now 2 more cultural changes that had a profound affect
coming to your inlaws/ parents for shabbos & yomtov- married children coming home for yom tov was a nachas for younger siblings , parents & “THE SHUL” – the couples found a room in the house little ones doubled up & made it work , THAT CHANGED ! couples dont want to come to anything less than a suite with…. so now you have shuls that have a decent olam on shabbos but yomtov attendance drops & so does the ruach.

2. connection, OR LACK OF – if one is not connected to a rov , yeshiva , shul , chavrusa.. than i can make kabolas shabbos , carlebach style in a living room on the block, yomtov chanuka in florida , shavuos in the country.. & sukkos by an uncle in toms river
boropark is a whole diff story its because the kehilos are bursting at the seems with 1000 new couples a year , each chassidishe kehiila has a exact tally of births , boys , girls .. shidduchim- and a team that looks for properties & plans for growth if you were to get a behind the scenes peak at some of these high level meetings you would be blown away (its not near 10% leaving & its basically a certain segment of specific kehillos – for an in depth analysis go on to the ivelt website for the thread by neighborhood

between the lines it seems you want to discuss the changes in brooklyn specifically flatbush .
here is what some people are noticing & the question is what to make of it
1. for many years flatbush expanded on every front , do u remember when nostrand was the cut off point ,now there is a whole town till flatbush avenue and beyond. yet it seems that many shuls have less people there on shabbos & yom tov than a decade ago
2. in the 90’s married yeshiva couples stayed in flatbush & raised the level of torah life for all , now it seems that rarely are couples staying local
3.some local mosdos that had waiting lists & 2 or 3 parallels are now barely filling up 2 classes ( others are still packed yet even those will tell u that each year a number of children relocate)

so really this is all a domino effect of chinuch changes in the last 25 years when learning in ey for boys and girls became standard- automatically the big bochurim were not local, were not in yeshiva, not in shul shabbos.. than many began going back to e”y for a few years after marraige so u had few new couples local , which meant that the shul’s were missing the chizuk that yungeleit provide , and finally when they came back the couples were faced with a huge challenge of the yerida or perceived yerida of american gashmius. lakewood was THE CLOSEST seviva to e”y & more affordable , and if thats where the couples are thats where the nursery kg kids are, & if the einiklach are there thats where you go for yomtov……a study was done on most mosdos in brooklyn 6th grades how many kids in that class now & how many were in the same class when it started 7 years ago in preschool & the survey showed that the avg class lost just 1 kid per year but by the time you got to 6th grade thats 20%- so much more to say maybe tomm

definitly not; there are many refrences to changing clothes for shaabos , in the zemiros before eishes chayil it says ” ki hechlafti simloisy.., it means that lets say shabbos morning you leave check your pockets from fri nt .. napkin… candy.. this is why bekishe pockets are all the way in the back

let us help you ,are you looking for more names?

it depends a bit on what eng font and the point size , its never going to be too smooth even artscroll struggles with that , the obvious thing would be to use a font similar to artscroll as im sure theyve been thru this
find a sefer that you like what you see & match it up

heres what happened
1. at the time of the big expose & shaaloh.. the e”y poskim felt it was asur or close enough to takroves
2. the american poskim were divided most followed e”y in principal but also felt that ” by splitting hairs ” there was a yesh al mi lismoch and since the facts from diff sources were contradicting some kind of a safek remained
3. the chassidishe kehilos ( skver, satmar…) were never too comfortable with current shaitels , they felt they were too good , attractive… similar to hair.. so they viewed this shalloh as a siman min hashamayim to upgrade their tznius level to synthetic & shorter
4. the sefardy poskim always viewed a shaitel as a big bedieved and a tichel as lechatchila
5 rav belsky zatzl-a year after the shaaloh the RJJ halacha journal and others reviewd the facts & came out that rav belsky was correct on many of the points both as far as the hindu religion & the rambam..
6 there is a company with a hechsher for those wanting the human hair yet avoiding the shaloh some rabonim tried promoting it with a small measure of success. their message is that even if there is some tzad to be meikil yet by avoda zara the torah specificly uses the word ” harchek” distance yourself…

Can this be verified? In all fairness there are different attitudes to tthis heavy shaaloh , anecdotedly in ny despite no restrictions and high density very little serious cases among youth. However each mossad works with what their parent base can handle. In bp they would kill the admin for closing and out of ty pressure to
close

make a deal with your neighbor , each can buy one and swap if you really want both .

Daas yochid , the shana rishona gitin are the rigid people fighting over the principal. Bottom line extras is paid by whoever suggests it

dude – sometimes we are, and many times we’re not , although i do like myself , however considering what hashem has given me ( job , brains, wife…great yeshiva, rabbeim…i should be way way better by now .2 lines about emes -shayn is es nisht uber emes iz es yeh, & ” EMES HUT CHEIN” . so u are correct that as a whole each yochid is awesome . one quick vort in line with your statemenet . In hilchos aveilus the mechaber says that at a hesped ” yegazem ktzas” “meaning u should exaggerate a little” , it begs the question a levaya is a moment of emes when nothing else matters , exaggerate? this is not a dinner or a sheva brochos? answers the TA”Z – that our opinion of people around us is generally under rating them, in truth our fellow yidden are better than the way we size them up , so by exaggerating i am in actuality saying the truth – ah gut shabbos

reply to the real 1-? after your question i reread my comment. its so clear , leaving kollel comes with mixed emotions , be it scraping dollars to buy milk , or the disappointment of not finding enough sipuk , & the real fear of what can i do to bring home parnassa … many times the wife wanted & hoped to be able to juggle it all & physically cant.. and feels guilty… but its NEVER time to hang up skates & fulfill kesuva as if to say recess is over enough games time to buckle down…
the point about friday night challos was to give hope & confidence that somehow you’ll survive & make it . And having food , shelter , lights…is called making it