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The minhag in my family was to light two when I got married, then one for all the boys and one for all the girls. No more than four. If I would have had only one gender of children, I would have lit only three candles each Friday. And though I only light four candles, I always have at least eight candles in various leichter on my candle tray, four for myself, and four more just in case someone shows up unexpectedly for Shabbos and didn’t bring travelling leichter. (Kind of like Eliahu’s kos, but for candles…)
By the time they learned that he was actually hispanic, it was too late to back down”
Yeah, I said that several paragraphs ago. “I am of the belief that initially the knee-jerk reaction might have been that Zimmerman was Jewish, and therefore the media jumped all over him. Now, they realize they were mistaken, but the hype was too great to knock the story down from its very public height.” It is sad that my inital reaction was, “Oy, another Jew is in the papers!” and then, “Oh B”H, it was a Hispanic Goy.”
As long as she is a kallah and not a killeh.
Whatever others were taught, I was taught that a live performance that was not done with a microphone, was assur, but that there are opinions that a microphone alters the actual voice, so one is not hearing live singing. I was further taught that a recording is muttar.
“There is no such thing as a chumra by Tzenius”
I think that statement is a little hyperbolic. There absolutely IS such a think as being too tzniusdig. When a woman (or man, for that matter) takes tznius to such a level that it interferes with their normal intimate relationship and sholom bayis,it is tzu fil.
She wants to marry a kohein and hopes her husband will pass away before she is a gerusha? She wants to hold something over him vis a vis the children, if any? Both VERY bad reasons.
“By the way, all those I know that smoke do so on Yomtov as well. And there is a serious question of whether it can be done on Yomtov even if it were to be somehow mutar at other times.”
I have often wondered how smoking could possibly be muttar on yom tov (if at all). Even when lit from another source of flame, the act of smoking causes the cigarette paper and tobacco to burn down, and the cigarette butt eventually needs to be extinguished or it can be a fire hazard. This has never made sense to me.
Gives a whole new meaning to “getting marriage off on the right foot.” Any chosson who deliberately stomps on his kallah’s foot, will be lucky if she (or her mother) doesn’t reflexively kick him hard in the shins! 😛
There is a sefer that actually has such D”T specifically for the Sheva Brachos period. Try any Judaica Book Shop.
After all the matzah I have comnsumed this week, this question has become more relevant to me than ever before. All kidding aside, I am VERY grateful to be growing older and hope to be VERY old someday B”EH and in good health. I likewise wish you all, the same.
kaykay, I still think you could go with Aliza, but if Elka is a family name, watch out for family members who will try to make you feel bad for not using “Elka.” People are funny that way…
I’m with Popa on this one.
I am of the belief that initially the knee-jerk reaction might have been that Zimmerman was Jewish, and therefore the media jumped all over him. Now, they realize they were mistaken, but the hype was too great to knock the story down from its very public height.
If Zimmerman shot this young man with no good reason to do so, he is guilty. Plain and simple. If however, he saw someone who looked suspicious and then responded to his “What are you doing here?” type comments (if any) with an abrasive attitude and clear intention to do harm, then Zimmerman was within his rights to defend himself. Only the two of them know what actually happened, and one of the two is dead.
Zimmerman WAS injured unquestionably, with wounds to the back of his head and grass stains on the back of his shirt, which proves he was on the ground, whereas Trayvon Martin had no other mark on him except obviously for the lethal shot (which would tend to indicate that he probably had the upper hand in their struggle). I doubt that Trayvon Martin was one of the Lamed-Vov Tzaddikim, but it still is unfortunate for his family who loved him, that he ended up dead. This whole thing reminds me a bit of the Bernhard Goetz story.
I am just thankful that no one rioted against Jews, mistakenly thinking it was a Jew who did this.
What do you think of the Stand Your Ground law?
“Elka:- Ayin Lamed Kuf Oleph “
Thank you. That would tend to make me think that Aliza would be an appropriate Hebrew name for Elka. Aliza-ka, Al…ka, Elka.
Rabbaim , many Jews give English names in English speaking countries. So should all those Jews who speak ONLY English (and not Yiddish) not give a Jewish name to their children, because the language in their frum world and in which THEY learn Torah is English?
All the Rabbanim who say the things you state, probably only or primarily spoke Yiddish (or their parents and grandparents did, in the alte heim). So naturally they would think that way about Yiddish. And the only reason we call Yiddish by that name is NOT because it is announcing itself, but because it was the language spoken by YIDDEN in Europe, an amalgamation of German, Hebrew, and a few other languages. When some black people speak with a certain type of word usage, we call it Ebonics (for ebony/black). Does that make it particularly special?
The specialness and “holiness” of Yiddish is that it united all European Jews by giving them a common means of communicating. Otherwise it is not much different from English today, the language in which most people are learning and communicating as they once did in Europe. And one who is intellectually honest will recognize that. I am NOT putting Yiddish down, so don’t think I am. It is a rich and expressive language. But it has been elevated to a kedusha beyond Loshon Kodesh in the minds of many people, to the point that they would prefer to name a child in that language (which did not exist in the days of yetzias Mitzrayim), over Hebrew which might have been in a slightly different form from the way we speak today (though we do not know that for certain), yet nonetheless is recognizable as Hebrew when we read tanach. Do what you will, and say what you will, kol hakavod, that is your privilege, but I applaud people who understand that only Hebrew is the holy language of our people. Everything else is nice, but it is not THE language of Jews. And btw, people who speak Ladino feel the same way about their language as you do about Yiddish.
Troll – person whio makes comments for the express purpose of stirring up the pot and then sits back and watches the trouble he or she has caused.
Dolt – a fool, an idiot, a moron, a cheinik hocker, take your pick.
Shmoel and Chacham, I cannot (and DO not) argue with Pirkei Avos. But who is being quoted there, and is his opinion considered THE one and only final opinion? Not everything we learn in Mishnah and Gemarah is meant as unquestioned Halacha l’maiseh for everyone, it is there to teach us the PROCESS by which the final p’sak is reached. Did ALL the Tanaim agree with that statement that it means the man’s wife? If so, then why do men and women who are married to each other have conversations? Would it not be just as assur as it is to eat chazir? Clearly this is not as glatt as you make it out to be. I am not trying to bait you here. I find that there is a difference of consensus, and I am trying to understand why. Clearly it does not benefit a married couple for the husband to withdraw from conversing with his wife in a normal manner. Certainly in this day and age, that could be a source of a lack of Sholom Bayis.
“oomis1105: Reb Moshe Feinstein in Tshuvis does not think like you and your husband.
Personal fealings don’t come in when we deal with Halacha. “
Right Path – there is NO halacha when it comes to naming a baby. Only minhagim. Personal feelings very much DO come in when dealing with this issue. The Torah is filled with all the names of babies that came from emotional feelings of the parents. It has nothing to do with Halacha at all. With all due respect, I believe that you are mistaken about this specific issue.
And my own Rov, ZT”L to whom Rav Moshe ZT”L referred his own PERSONAL shailos, specifically told my husband and me that to give the name in Loshon Kodesh was a bigger zechus for both the baby AND the niftar (if any) for whom that baby is named. He advised us to always look for the exact Hebrew equivalent, if the name was not intrinsically in Ivrit. One of Bnei Yisroel’s zechusim in Mitzrayim was that they did not change their Hebrew names from Loshon Kodesh to an Egyptian-acceptable version. Considering that they owed a great debt to Yosef who was known as Tzofnas Paneach, you would think there would have otherwise been many little Tzofnas Paneachs running around (as we see many Alexanders, Senders, etc. out of respect for Alexander the Great). But there were not and are not.
What – you actually had any left after the Sedarim????? We were out of it before the first Chad Gadya (JK, I made more than enough for both meals – I know my customers).
Hi, MitzvahGirl. I try to be user-friendly. Welcome to our not-so-humble abode.
it would help if you know the source for the name. What does Elka mean? Believe it or not I am unfamiliar with the spelling of the name when written with Hebrew letters. Is it asn ayin or an aleph? Koof or kuf. Is it written like one of the “Sheimos” because if so, then it seems to derive from that, much like the girl’s name of Elisheva or Eliana. The “kah” part is typically an endearment added to many European names. The K sound is not necessarily part of the original name (as someone thought Elkonoh, which IS a male name).
A good example of this is a name like Shmuel. My friend calls her son Shmuel-kah (similar to the name Shmelkie). the K is superfluous, but added to the name out of affection. Sometimes OTHER letters in the name are dropped as the K sound is added. So Miriam can become Mirkah or Mirchkah (as I have in my own family on my husband’s side) Rochel becomes Roch-kah, etc. Perhaps the same holds true for Elka. Maybe it is a contraction of something else (and if spelled with an ayin, maybe the original name was Aliza – who knows?)
I give this a lot of thought, because naming our children after family members was a very big deal to me, and my husband and I do not believe in the usage of anything other than Loshon Kodesh for a Jewish child’s name (I am not chalilah criticizing those who use Yiddish names, but that never made sense to me any more than it would nowadays to use an English name of someone Choshuv, over Loshon Kodesh). So for example, girls who are named for a Faigel and Fraydel, would be Tzipporah and Aliza (or Gila).
We know that D’rabbanan is typically less chomur than D’Oreisah. That doesn’t mean we should be oveir such mitzvos witht he idea that we are getting a pass because it is “only” d’rabbanan. However, the onesh is probably always more serious when transgressing a law that Hashem Himself gave versus a rabbinic decree that is put in force to help uphold a D’Oreisah. Does that sound about right?
Shmoel, that is so sad. That’s not a majority held opinion, is it? If so, there would be some wives who feel very ignored today. Oh wait…
Analogy, that’s it.
Amein. Refuah shelaima b’korov.
Some things cannot be translated from one word to another. A gezaira shava is something you learn by comparing two ideas that might be different, but have a commonality that makes it apparent that one concept is equivalent in some manner to the other. Maybe that’s it – a conceptual equivalence…?
It must refer ONLY to the singing and not speaking voice, because if it referred to merely a woman’s speaking, there would have been no need for certain rabbanim to say not to be marbeh sicha im isha, as it would already be assur to have ANY sicha with an isha. Presumably the “isha” is not one’s own isha, because it would be very poor form to tell a husband not to converse too much with his wife. I mean, are they supposed to stare at the four walls instead of talking? And when she is in niddah, the conversation is virtually the ONLY thing they can do together.
If someone is upset it might be because even though we are posting anonymously on a public forum, we expect it to be public ONLY on that forum. There are people who read Country Yossi who might NOT be in the CR, so it might feel to some like an invasion of privacy of sorts. Bottom line, don’t post anything you would be ashamed of.
Both Shmuel & Shlomo are incorrect; Both names have a vocal Sheva, so as lovebeing jewish correctly said, the correct name is Shemuel, and for that matter, shelomo”
Or – Shimuel and Shilomo. There is no sergol(segol?) in a sh’va sound.
I can post now, because I am literally ready for Pesach. IT’S ALL DONE!!!!!!! I cannot believe I am going into yom tov like a Queen this year. I have to give much credit to my wonderful kids who really pitched in even more than usual. I had no cleaning lady, but between my son, daughters, and me, we got it done before bedikas chometz. If I am going to push myself anyhow, I’d rather do it a few days in advance, and not on erev yom tov.
Steve is the most common secular name that I know of for Shmuel (after Samuel, of course). Also, you could consider Scott, Sanford, Sheldon (though most Sheldon’s are Sholom or Shlomo), Shepard, etc. Personally, I love the name Shmuel. I never gave my kids secular names (hard for one of my kids who has a CH in the name), but I understand why some people prefer to have a secular legal name on the birth certificate.
Try zylitol instead of sorbitol in baking. And also try cakes that are inherently less fattening, like angel food cake, meringues,baked apples, etc.
Wolf: I once thought of that but now I don’t think so. Because it’s not determined by what a dog necessarily would eat, especially if it’s not hungry, but by what a dog could eat without hurting itself. “
That can’t be so, or chocolate would not be considered ra’ui l’achilas kelev, because it can kill a dog if he would eat chocolate (or at the least make him VERY ill).
I did some stuff I SWORE I wasn’t doing for Pesach, because it is Spring Cleaning, not chometz-seeking. But I still felt it was l’kovod yom tov, so I am very happy I did it. One example, I painted my front door yesterday, with my son’s help. Sounds like it would be a snap, two rollers, a can of paint and voila! But –
men tracht und Gott lacht. The painter’s tape would not stay stuck, so the paint got on the edges of the brick, my front door mezuzah case, all over my skirt hem, (it’s ok, even though it won’t come out, as much as I “Goop”ed it, the skirt was down to the floor anyhow, so I can shorten it a little), the porch is now speckled because the tape did not keep the plastic I put down, in place, etc. etc.etc. The Goop got most of it off. I was only worried about the Mezuzah, anyway, and it’s fine. We had a great time, it took a couple of hours for a number of reasons, but it was so worth it.
Things like these make me feel I am doing something special, not just turning my house over, but actually “inviting” yom tov in. I know it probably sounds very corny, and the cynics in the CR are all nodding their heads in agreement right about now, but I think that Positive Pesach Perception attitude is the difference between loving and eagerly looking forward to it as I do each year, or dreading it and wishing it were over already. Anyhow, in case I am way too caught up to think to say it again, I wish all of us and all of Klal Yisroel a zeesen, kosher Pesach, filled with much joy and anticipation of the final Geulah.
One keeps the minhagim of his father, or if a woman, the minhagim of her husband. A man may elect to change certain minhagim of his father, when he gets married, but if he chooses not to do so at that time, then he may not change the minhag later on. That does not preclude him from following a more machmir minhag, i.e., eating only non-gebrokts because he went to a hotel for Pesach, and that is what they serve. However, that is not really changing his innate minhag.
Go for whole wheat over regular matzah, sweet potato over white potato, slowly digestible fresh fruit and veggies, and LOTS of water over yom tov. Don’t worry over what you cannot eat, enjoy what you CAN eat.
“You want to eat gebrockts, go ahead. Perhaps your issue is that you have no respect for mesorah. You are certainly not smarter than any single person who keeps the minhag of gebrokts”
Interesting thing, that sentence goes both ways. Neither is the non-brokter any smarter (or frummer) than any single person who keeps the minhag of EATING gebrokts. I say live and let live. We are all the same frum yidden whether we brock or not.
Thanks. I should have read this better.
What you are saying is so sad. My in-laws were not frum, but they were so respectful of us, and so proud of their son for becoming religiously observant and marrying a frum girl.
I think you should try to sit down and have a “family” conference type talk with them. Your wife should not have to have her yom tov or Shabbos farshterred because of mean-spirited or simply ignorant comments, no matter WHO is making them. But this should be done in as respectful a manner as possible. Maybe it would help to write the FIL a letter.
Shticky Guy, we have had this discussion before (and I was castigated for mentioning it). While your point is true of ovens made and sold in recent years,that is not true of the VERY old (40-50 years ago) ovens which had the pilot light on contin-uously, and where the flame moved from one part of the stove (the pilot) to the burner. I will not go into the entire science or halachos again, but it was permissible then to adjust the burners, based on mavir, and not m’avrer. The ovens that were made subsequently, had electric ignition for the pilots, and therefore cannot be used in this manner, as they create a new spark each time the oven/burner is turned on. In the case of the older ovens, the spark is not created, because the flame is already burning. It is mearely moving along the trajectory of the gas line. When the burner is shut off, the flame retreats to its original “home” in the pilot, which is Still burning the entire time.
Charlie, could you PLEASE tell me where I could find such an oven made and sold today? My stove top and wall oven are VERY old and decrepit, but I nurse them along, for exactly the reason you mentioned.
I doubt this was a missionary tactic. Maybe she just dropped her key and the money. But if you felt uncomfortable, it is always a good idea to trust your gut.
Goq asks a good question. If your sib is 18 years older, maybe it is your perception that she is abusive. What is she doing that upsets you vis a vis her husband? If in fact she is being abusive, it does not to be addressed.
I eat gebrochts, but I totally get why the hotels do not serve them. If you have a guest who is a diabetic, if you make non-sweet, tasty low-carb food for the meal, everyone can safely eat and enjoy it. But if you make sweet-sauced foods, and other stuff that is sugary, the guest cannot partake. So yes, even though it might seem like catering to the diet of a minority of people, nevertheless you, the, knaidel-eater, can still eat ALL the food that is being prepared and served in the non-gebrochts hotel, whereas the reverse would not be true for the gebrochts-only consumer.
oomis – Despite agreeing with the facts, I don’t see the basis for comparing the two and deciding on the more difficult. The physical hardships of the woman in no way diminish the emotional toll it takes on the husband.
Logician, I don’t doubt that many men suffer greatly along with their wives, from the wives’ mood swings and physical discomforts (more so, if the pregnancy chalilah is a truly difficult one, where the mother or baby’s lives are in jeopardy, in which case, yes, I think the emotional toll can be devastating on the husband, and he needs some TLC at such a time).
But the bottom line – she, not you guys, is going through these changes and trust me when I say it is no picnic for her, either, to be so moody and weepy and scared and nauseous and tired beyond belief and fat and with swollen ankles to match the swollen belly and really uncomfortable (can you imagine a little person sitting on your liver – it really,really hurts!) and did I meantion running to the bathroom every five minutes (and I mean that in the most literal sense in the last weeks of pregnancy). No matter HOW MUCH men think they are experiencing a great emotional toll (and I will cop to that being the case for many), they still do not have a reasonable clue as to what the pregnancy is really doing to their wives, even in the best case scenario. And the fact that any man could think of himself as being somehow victimized by an emotional toll (and when did it ever become about him?), demonstrates strongly that such a man even if he is a wonderful husband as I am sure you are, doesn’t quite get it.
After you become pregnant, break your water while on line at the check out counter, go into labor, and deliver a baby, I will empathize with your position a bit more. Until then, thank your Maker every day for not making you a woman. Oh wait, you do that already. Think about the fundamental literal meaning of that bracha. BTW, in case you are reading this as a mussar schmooze, it is not intended that way. I think that your way of thinking is pretty typical for most really nice, fine men. But try to remember that this is not about you. For once, it’s all about her.
I’m wearing old threads for Pesach.
Star K has one I think. I bought the book, though.
APY, thank you for the clarification. I don’t disagree with you about the “negative speak,” but I do think that when there is something positive to talk about, people generally do. All the chessed, bikur choli, tomchei Shabbos, HATZOLAH, Chaverim, Gemachs ad meod, come from frum people doing good things. We are THE most chessed filled nation in the world.