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Jewish women don’t wear tzitzis or have a bris, or any of the other things you mentioned, because Hashem made us kirtzono. We are perfect the way we are and do not require those other accoutrements (that you do)in order to bring us to the level of kedusha that men need to work so hard to achieve. We are already there, just by virtue of our being Jewish women.
Hitler may have killed many others, but his primary focus was on the mass and systematic extermination of Jews, to make Germany Free of Jews (Judenrein?), so your statement, while factual, is not completely correct.
No one asks for a p’sak. They ask for advice about something. Most of us say to ask a rov.
Cherrybim, though a little blunt, was not really so far off the mark. If a woman feels better about herself wearing makeup (assuming she is not “clowning” around), her husband should stay out of it. Presumably she wore makeup when they were dating. If he didn’t like it, he should have spoken up then, and not gone out with her again if she was not inclined to follow his wishes.
I got the sense, however, in this particular story, that it was more a case of the husband not liking watching his wife do all the things she does to look good. Some guys don’t like to see the process, only the finished product. Most women don’t like watching their husbands brush their teeth or clip their toenails, either.
The extra candle, I was always told, is if she missed the lighting because she forgot, and when she remembered, it was already Shabbos. The permanent additional candle ensures she will not forget again.
I get the feeling that when someone asks this type of question, they might be embarrassed to go to their Rov about the specific question, and they hope that someone here might already know the answer. There are rabbonim in my experience who would make a face when asked that which they believe to be shtus (not saying I think the question was shtus, I actually think it’s a good one).
I have no idea if it is permitted or not, but it seems to me to be uvda d’chol. The lifting of it is probably not an issue, because in reshus hayachid or with an eruv, you can pick such things up. But I was taught that you may technically halachically i.e., carry a couch up and down the stairs all day Shabbos, but moving heavy furniture is an uvda d’chol, and on that basis should not be done.
Ronrsr – LOL!!!!
I believe he is dead, but I still want to see the proof.
What is way, way worse than what was described here, is when a clearly heavyset female is shopping and the cart is loaded with junk food, chocolate, chips, cookies, ice cream, etc. and someone looks at her food items with disdain and judgmentally. BTW, a guy getting the same items does not necessarily raise the same eyebrows.
Don’t get agita over this. Some people really are NOT doing what you think they are, but even if he was staring at your food, SO WHAT??? If he had COMMENTED negatively, I would have wanted to have a good answer for him.
DY, truthfully, I wonder if “kosher” sites are often more of a problem. You get lulled into a false sense of its kashrus “
That statement is truer than you think. Unrelated to the Internet, someone we know attended a comedy program that was billed as “kosher,” in order to attract a frum crowd. It was held at a Glatt kosher facility, so the word “kosher” clearly was intended to refer to the program, not the food. While some of the entertainment apparently was ok, some of it was NOT and its content was of questionable “kashrus” for a program billed specifically as such. Enough said. Our friends said they walked out at that point.
No one should ask you to do something that is assur across the board. The question is degrees of assering. For HER it may be assur, based on her rov or hashkafa. Period. However, those who hold it is not assur, do so specifically BECAUSE of the good things such as shiurim that can be found on the Internet. So while she might not be allowed to use it because she has a p’sak not to, it might be ok for her to ask someone else to, for a good purpose. Her issur is not necessarily someone else’s. And before anyone thinks of arguing about the issur of using the internet, please note – we are all here on-line reading this. If you truly hold that it is assur, buh bye.
Sorry to hear about your problem. Please, in addition to everything else, have a blood test to check for CELIAC Disease. It may be you have a nervous stomach (hope it resolves quickly), but constant stomach upsets can also mask other conditions.
Anyone know what time of day (Pakistan time) this happened?
I am personally opposed to trials for unashamed, admitted murderers. Just a waste of time and taxpayers’ money. And who would have wanted the responsibility of guarding him until his execution? A trial gives hope to terrorists’ friends that they can get these monsters free through more terrorism (after all, it always works with Israel – they let hundreds of terrorists free, to save one Jew).
We are only hearing one side (not saying that side is incorrect, only that it is one-side of the story). Maybe MIL is stressed by having too many family members for company who perhaps do not help out enough, and come in like princesses after all the wrok has been done, to sit down to a meal. Maybe Bubby is overwhelmed at having to be the de facto babysitter over yom tov (as SO OFTEN is the case when kids come for a Shabbos or yom tov and feel now they are free of parental responsibility). Maybe, MIL really should not have the company, but BE the company. Just something to consider as a possibility…
I don’t think a child without a TV in his home is more likely to watch TV at a friend, than a child who does have a TV in his home. In fact, I believe the opposite.”
Clairvoyant, with all due respect you could not possibly be more wrong. I am not saying have a tv or do not have a tv, but there is NO question (NO QUESTION) that kids who do not have one and have a friend who does, OFTEN go to those friends for the express purpose of watching.
Acting bored on a date is rude. Total deal-breaker. Bad breath can be corrected. Wrinkled clothing – once, there could be a good reasson. Twice – uh uh. Gum – who chews gum on a date – what are we children????
Zeeskite – no tickling allowed.
Amichai -thanks.
I concur with all that oomis said.
[sidenote: oomis must’ve added the last 2 paragraphs after I wrote my concurrence.] “
Always Here, does that mean that you do NOT concur?????
“oomis-i agree with you 100% but im not here to discuss kids and behavior. i was just trying to find out some advice. BTW(since we live in the same community) I saw two cute little boys on Shabbos and i wish you much nachas from them! “
Thank you so much – I have a lot of nachas bli ayin hara. NOW I AM CURIOUS, though. Who are you(a little hint… pleaase…since we obviously know each other?) Yep, my adorable little boys were here for Shabbos, my kinehora almost 5 year old and 4 month old grandsons plus their mommy and abba. My son took them out for a walk after lunch/ When they came back, they all went to lie down, but the noise from the kids outside my window was beyond belief.
I really stand by what I said. I don’t think you owe explanations to someone for not being available for a meal, if that is your desire. If the person’s feelings are so easily insulted, perhaps this is not the best friend for you at this point in your life. You need less stress, not more, when you are pregnant. Maybe you can have a heart to heart without the kids present, and tell her frankly, “Soraleh (or whatever), I really enjoy your company and I love to get together with you, but right now, I am nauseated by a lot of food items, and I would not want to impose on you to prepare special foods for me. I also would love to get together with you and Reuvein WITHOUT the children sometimes. It’s hard to have adult conversation when the kids are distracting our attention. Tell me when you are available for a couples-only night out.”
Yogi – come over and introduce yourself, if you know where I live.
Why does everything have to be made so difficult? You don’t want to go, don’t go. Tell her you already have plans (don’t elaborate – your plans could be for taking a walk, or eating cereal).If she persists, asking for a future date, just tell her you never know how you will be feeling, so you don’t plan in advance.
As to the issue of her children’s behavior – it is totally UNACCEPTABLE for parents to remain passive as their children wreck someone else’s house (I won’t even DISCUSS the knives). If they are that laid-back, then invite them without the children and when they expectedly say they can’t come without them, say that you are concerned that their children will hurt themselves or inadvertenly break something, because they don’t yet have the patience to sit still, and you are too tired to watch them yourself. I think it is time for parents to get the direct message that if their kids are not going to be behaved (as many are not capable of being at a certain age)or alternatively, be supervised by a thoughtful parent (and it is the PARENT’S fault if they are not), they will not be invited out too often. End of story.
And by the way, in a gutteh shaah when your own child is born B”EH, please do not be that parent yourself of whom you complain, who thinks everything her child does is precious, even as she is tearing up someone’s living room. We tend to see such faults in others but not in ourselves (not saying you will, but just a cautionary thought to you).
Note to all parents who fit this description: People might be too polite to tell you that your children are behaving like brats and that you are behaving equally badly because you are allowing it to happen. Grow up. No one enjoys children who run wild and are out of control. It is not pretty, it is not adorable, and it is potentially dangerous for them, because limits are not being set properly on their actions and they are not learning about acceptable and uncacceptable behavior. I had visiting (frum)grandchildren from my neighbor, running wildly and screaming like banshees through my property, hitting my retaining wall with a bat, which is across the street from them), while my children and baby ainekel who were visitng for Shabbos, were trying to take a nap in the afternoon. Twice we had to go out to shoo them away. Where were the parents? NOWHERE in sight. And these were kids of all ages, including very young toddlers, who should not have been across the street to begin with.
Sorry for my soapbox. This is an issue with me. I don’t get angered easily, but failing to properly take care of children and instill middos in them IS my personal hot-button gear grinder.
Another reason that I can see for marking the Day of the Shoah, is that it is most relevant on a personal level to so many of us who have either lost people in the Holocaust or knew people who were survivors. Before anyone jumps down my throat, we are all supposed to mourn the Churban as if it happened yesterday, and I am sure many of us do cry bitterly as we read Kinos. In fact, there was a non-Jewish King who chanced to pass by a shul on Tisha B’av and was extremely moved when he found out that the kehillah was crying for the Churban, soemthing which had happened centuries prior to this. So it is incumbent upon us to feel likewise a sense of deep mourning that will not be healed until yemos hamoshiach.
But it is much easier to relate and mourn on a personal level to a tragedy that has occurred in our own generation, or that of our parents. And I think that’s why it is not out of line to recognize the Shoah for the devastation that it caused to people of our own time.
“Oomis: is this worse than churban bayis rishon or sheini “
Of course not, and who said it was? Certainly not I. I said it is in a category by itself SPECIFICALLY because it was the most systematic, organized, and efficiently carried out mass murder of Jews in history (though clearly throughout history, Jews have been oppressed and murdered simply for being Jews). And the fact that it took place in so-called civilized modern times, makes it stand out even more. This does not in any way, shape or form, diminish the double tragedy of both Churban Bayis Rishon and Sheini, something which changed the face of Yiddishkeit until such time as we merit the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash (b’korov).
To answer those who might have misunderstood my intent, I am not in any way, shape, or form opposed to my child or your child marrying an only child. I would NEVER reject a shidduch on that basis, and it would be hurtful to the parents of that only child, were that the reason for saying no. BUT – I still believe one should always have one’s eyes open when going into a situation that might potentially be proboematic for them, and boy or girl, if they are the only children, there will probably come a time when their parents may need to depend on them, heavily.
And though it is also true that this can happen when there are more siblings, possibly because of geographic or financial reasons (and there is ALWAYS one sib who is the “nurturer” and the other children are “relieved” not to be called upon too frequently), nevertheless that one child of several children may be the responsible one. This does bear “some” consideration – and then if the shidduch is good, it should go through.
Joseph
please make a misheberach for Joseph. He needs a refuah
Is this a serious by-line under your name? If so, may Hashem give you a refuah shelaima besoch sh’or cholei Yisroel.
BSD, how can we be certain you are not one, already? 😉
My take on it is this – the Shoah is in a category of tragedy all by itself. It is the first time in history that a concerted effort was implemented to torture and MASS-murder Jews in an efficient way all at once, to maximize the damage and annihilation. 6,000,000 neshamaos, men women, children, frum, not frum, some even not Jewish but considered to be, were MASSACRED just for the “crime” of their existence. And though it’s true that throughout Jewish history we see this type of oppression and violence against our people (for which Tisha B’Av Kinos are all-encompassing), just as what happened in Mitzrayim merited an entire holiday and Haggadah to retell it, so do we likewise IMO deserve at least one single day to remind ourselves that even when things are comfortable for us, the goyishe velt wants to wipe us off the map AND THEY DID NOT SUCCEED THIS TIME, EITHER, in spite of their very efficient gas chambers and ovens.
Apparently yes, as I am still here.
You may censor anything you wish IN YOUR OWN HOME, please keep your hands off your hosts’ things, or don’t go there for a visit. It sounds like they had some fashion magazines in their bathroom. If you were bothered by it, you should cover it with a towel while your kids are using the bathroom. I presume you are a grownup and know what women’s underwear or shortsleeved clothing look like. It might not be your or MY first choice for bathroom reading (and personally I do not think it belongs in the bathroom), but this is not your house, and there is no way to tell your hosts that they have offensive (to you) material in the bathroom, without being…well… offensive.
Sorry, but I am really trying to be objective here. Not all people will think or act as you do, but you still have to respect their boundaries in their own homes. If the magazines present there were published by Mr. Hefner, however, that’s an entirely different matter, and I would have no problem bringing a copy of said magazine from the bathroom to my host and mentioning that my kids asked me about it. I am fairly certain, he would be a little abashed and remove the item(s) in question with all due alacrity.
Goq, sometimes people give off a negative vibe to each other that causes the other person to retreat. I agree with other posters who said to speak to your niece directly. Make sure you say nothing that might come off even innocently as flirtatious (I get what adorable was implying). But don’t let this fester. Good luck. She may need to ask YOUR mechilah, not vice versa.
I would tell you, but then I would have to…you know…
First let me say I am sorry you are feeling this pain. Is it possible you have ever done something that may have been misinterpreted by your niece,and put her “off” you? Depending on her age it might be a misguided tznius issue (no niece should be dropping her uncle’s soup on the end of the table when she served it respectfully to everyone else), or she may simply be an ill-mannered brat. If I am off base on all counts, then you should take the post you wrote here and send it to her directly, where it will do the most good. She may actually be unaware of what she is doing (though I doubt that). It might be she is uncomfortable with an unmarried male adult, relative or not.
I think Aries’ suggestion is beautiful, a great way to bring both families together (assuming they get along to begin with). However, Aries, that does not mean that marrying an only child,
especially if it’s the son, is not potentially without foreseeable problems, and not something to be considered carefully. For example, how dependent are the parents on that only child. How tied to the son is the mother. What happens after 120 years and there is only one child who can take care of a surviving parent (if and when necessary)? Nothing is undoable, but it should be considered seriously among the other things one considers when making a shidduch.
Thanks, Gumball.
I LOVE charoses, cannot get enough of it and would never dream of making it any time of year but for the sedarim, so yes, it is certainly up in the top three of best things on Pesach.
Unfortunately, for now I cannot make charoses with nuts added to the apples, wine, cinnamon, and ginger. Nevertheless, my charoses has always drawn raves in my family and among my invited guests, and despite the missing ingredient, was still very well received this year.
my shvigger, a’h, used to make falsa fish.. shaped like gefilte fish, made from ground chicken, cooked in water. they didn’t eat fish on Pesach.
Do you perchance have the recipe????
Personally, I think you are all terrific, even when I don’t happen to agree with your point of view. Everyone have a Chag Kasher V’Sameach!!!!
HIE, I like you.
Nice, Eclipse.
I can’t Aidel-rap, but I can Edelweiss…
The word BREISHIS contains the collective essence of the Torah, and is the reason for the creation of the world. Beis, reish aleph is BARA (He created)and shin, yud (ten),and sof stand for Shisha Sidrei Mishnah, Aseres Hadibros, and the Torah/Taryag Mitzvos.
Yolk, my daughrter is getting her OT degree from Touro (in Bayshore), and it is an excellent program. She LOVES it, and about Chayaleah, but my daughter has never described her work, even her field work in that way. Chayleah shopuld perhaps choose a different area in which to do her OT, as she is clearly unhappy in the nursing homes.
Deiyezooger, that os exactly what my Mom O”H used to serve.
I would use duck sauce, but you said diabetic-friendly, so I would do a dry white wine (marinate the chicken first), onion soup mix, garlic (lots) and cinnamon (which is great for DIABETICS).
Cleaning like crazy IS crazy. It’s PEsach, not Spring Cleaning time. I don’t know about you, but I do not regularly throw chometz on my ceilings and walls (but I know people who are diligently scrubbing theirs), and my clothes closet does not need re-arranging this week.
I am not sure what you meant about not eating chomets also? We don’t eat chometz because Hashem said not to eat chometz. No big koontz to understand that. If you are asking why we think Hashem assered chometz, THAT is an interesting question. I have heard a couple of reasons, one being that chometz is comparable to arrogance (being puffed up), so we are being taught not to be haughty. Also, the Egyptians revered bread (I think they invented the process for making bread, if I am not mistaken), so we are doing the antithesis of what they did, by refraining from eating flour and water that has risen.
I am grateful for my wonderful appliance repairman. Also, I am grateful that I was able to do a lot of work today for Pesach, in spite of the fact that a)I did not sleep at all last night and b)I did not sleep at all last night (I am too tired to notice I wrote that twice).
Well, my freezer broke down twice, and I lost HUNDREDS of dollars of chicken, meat, etc. the first time (two weeks ago), and probably about $100 worth this time (today), as we had not finished shopping for Pesach. we thought the freezer was fixed (and I have a wonderful repair guy), but obviously something new is wrong. It’s an old freezer. So in addition to all the Pesach cleaning, I had to find a way to fumigate the house from the smell of the spoiled food. it took a week. I am trying to stay very calm now (my pressure has to stay low), but I am not a happy camper. Let it at least be a kaparah. Otherwise we are fairly ready, and I expected to turn the kitchen over this Motzai Shabbos, and eat pizza all week.
I just saw Adorable’s post now. Are you doing better today? It is really scary to witness an accident, but B”H it is over, and you are OK. I hope the driver and/or passengers are likewise OK.
My not yet 3 yr old ainekel was watching a cartoon about a little hippo who likes to paint pictures and wanted to paint a yellow sun. But the hippo accidentally spilled the yellow paint out onto the floor and became very upset – where would she get more paint? So my little wiseapple says very matter-of-factly?” Why doesn’t she just use put her paintbrush in the paint that spilled?”
It’s very simple why people will not talk about it. Talking about digestive disturbances “eckles” many people. Diarrhea is not something you can easily bring up in polite conversation. Emes. I am not trying to be funny. I ahve a relative who suffered since childhood with this and ulcerative colitis until it was correctly diagnosed. He finally had an ileostomy, first with an external pouch, and then with reversed surgery, internal, and B”H he is doing great.
No I would never charge a close friend for anything professional, and never have. I have written poems, songs, and lyrics for parodies, and spent much time and effort on this; but it is my pleasure to help a friend. At one point in my life I was an editor and now I edit papers for family and friends. If a “fremdeh” would ask for the same services, I would charge. I worked side by side with my friend to help her set up when she opened a store, and wanted no pay. You don’t take money from the people who are closest to you, IMO.
OTOH, if what they need will cause a great tirchah or financial loss to you, you might want to re-evaluate.
I suppose ANY detergent in the tub would work as well. It is the aluminum foil that really does all the work. I also think there is no down side, but try it on something inexpensive first.