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oomis: the premise to be lenient on powdered milk is that it is physically impossible to make from non-kosher sources. That is clearly no longer true! “
I think that refers to cheese, not to powdered milk (although I am hearing it is no longer true about cheese, either). Why should there be any difficulty in making unkosher powdered milk from ANY source? The water in the milk is completely evaporated through a process, and what is left is the powdered residue. It is reconstituted with water when needed (i.e. to feed a baby horse or csmel).
Perhaps there actually IS nothing wrong in what they are saying to you, and you are getting overly upset over nothing. Your parents apparently agree. It would help if you gave an example of what they are saying to you. If all it is, is something like, “So nice to see you, how’s you family?” then you are making a mountain out of a molehill. If however, they are making personal comments like, “Don’t YOU look pretty today! ARE you here alone? ” then you are right to be wary.
I did a little research on this. Most of this stuff comes from Mongolia (certainly not sold in the US as ordinary milk for human consumption). It is used here primarily to feed the offspring of those animals, who for one reason or another cannot feed from the mother. It is not sold in supermarkets as milk, and I am not doubtful it is even available commercially to anyone other than farmers or zookeepers.
I have not heard about horse and camel milk being powdered, but anything that says USDA GRADE A MILK on it is only from a cow, by law.
I believe what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. If the girl has to show her pic, SO DOES THE BOY. IMO, neither should.
I like advice request posts. Although I do not always agree with other posters (and vice versa), I believe there is a great deal of wisdom to be found in the CR. I also enjoy hashkafic discussions, but only when there is meaningful dialogue. As soon as the thread begins to deteriorate to a “You’re an apikores if you don’t follow my hashkafa,” then there is little value in it.
Dress neatly and attractively, period. Goes for the guys also. You’re not going to a simcha, but you’re not going to a truck rally, either. Dress casual Shabbosdig.
Many ppl seem to like the cellphone idea and its cute. But what will you do if someone actually calls you while you’re supposedly already on a call and your phone rings”
You shut the phone off while shopping in this atore. Or put the ringer off and don’t leave it on vibrate. Either way, you will still get your messages and missed phone calls. What one arth did we ever do before the advent of the cell phone. Wait a minute – we DIDN’T talk on the phone when we were out.
Hard to figure out what is going on there, but Aries’ advice was very good (as usual). What on earth could they be asking you to do that is so awful? If it is really bad, you SHOULD talk to your parents and have them talk to the store manager. I wonder if you possibly might be reading into anything…
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Wow, did you give me some good memories! I also liked almost anything from 1962-3. The Rabbi’s Sons wer my all-time favorite group in Jewish music. I still sing the songs from their very first album.
I personally would make some noise of my own at 3 in the morning outside their house daily till they understood! They’re getting off lightly with no heating for a day “
Except – – YOU would be the one disturbing OTHER neighbors!
This is highly questionable. It is not at all clear that you are supposed to do something your parent wants when it does not directly affect the parent.
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To Popa et al who disagree with me (which is fine with me, btw), Who are we to judge what “directly affects the parent?” Many parents are EXTREMELY affected directly when they are frum already, and their kids go even more right-wing (even if it is only in such an area of dress codes).
When their frum daughter suddenly feels that two-four inches or more below the knee, are not tzniusdig, it may cause concern to that parent that the child is becoming a “fanatic,” (though I personally believe four inches longer than knee length is reasonable, and I like it even longer, aesthetically). I use that expression, because it is the one that an acquaintance of mine said to me when describing her daughter upon her return from Seminary. The family has nothing of which to be ashamed in their religious hashkafa, but all of a sudden it is not “good enough” for the daughter. And that IS hurtful to a frum parent, whether or not you might agree.
Rashi specified in his explanation on the phrase of “Ish emo v’aviv tira-u” being followed by “V’es Shabsosai tishmoru,” that a person must always show respect and awe for his parents with ONE main exception, and that is if the parent asks him to do something contrary to the Torah, such as Chillul Shabbos. It does not say anything about listening to the parent, unless the inyan does not really directly affect the parent. In any case, we are not talking about Chillul Shabbos, but about a girl who wants to wear clothing much longer than usual, which is apparently embarrassing to the mom who also dresses b’tznius (unless she does not, in which case that is a different story and all bets are off).
A mamin, I have a reply to your comments, but I have decided that in the interest of not making it appear that I have something against people who want to grow religiously, that I will wisely refrain. Not everything people choose to do makes them, as you said, “more than” their parents. But they think it does, and therein lies the rub. In any case, I think children of frum parents have a Torah obligation to listen to them, if there is no religious contra-indication to doing so.
The best thing about the winter is the last day of it!
has a vav and a cholem…”
Then it is Toh – rah. The only way a cholem correctly sounds “oy” is if a yud follows the cholem. The original pronunciation is like the letter O long vowel sound. The ALSO ACCEPTED pronunciation of the cholem, has come to be “oy” in many Yeshivishe and chassidishe circles. it no longer is about what is correct, but rather what is accepted practice.
Spend time with my two and a half year old granddaughter. That ALWAYS does the trick.
eman, the person who said that to you was a fool. Didn’t Naomi tell Ruth she was better to her than ten sons? ANY HEALTHY baby boy or girl, is the biggest bracha in the world.ASk anyone who does not have a healthy child R”L. And though it’s true the boy carries on the family name (and also is the kadish’l), the girl is the one who potentially carries the future generations in her womb.
You know what? People have to learn to zip the lip sometimes.
A short fraudulent psychic was on the lam. The news media reported him as a “Small medium at large.”
Mutcher – I thought it means to bother someone a lot.
In any case, it is NOT acceptable to do so.
MY grandson has STREP, my daughter woke up feeling flu-ish, and her daughter was sick for two weeks with the same thing.
REFUAH SHELAIMA, ALL
Please, it’s not real money, and it does not even stand for real money. It might possibly be assur under uvda d’chol, but truthfully, I never have time to play any board games during the week.
MORE important, is playing Scrabble considered writing on Shabbos (I never have, but the thought occurred to me now)?
Depends on the age and maturity of the girl. Many ARE only attracted to looks. We all eventually grow up, and realize that character, personality, warmth, brains, thoughtfulness, maturity, and integrity, rank high up there against the looks.
It could be sensory issues, he may be hypersensitive to sound, or he may simply (like so many of us) not like loud noises. the vacuum often frightens people’s pets, and a power drill is an annoying whine. He will outgrow this fear eventually. there is nor eason for a 17 month old to be exposed to SOME of these noises. Loud continuous noise can damage hearing, by the way.
The classiest we got were the simplest ones with homemade goodies, though one that I received last year had a beautiful baroque frame included in it, and I liked that myself. The classiest we gave, were the ones my mom O”H made together with her four children. We made hamantashen (and hers are STILL the best I have ever tasted), chocolate chip cookies from the Toll House recipe (again, the best version of cc cookie there is IMO), little bottles of grape juice, a fruit (usually oranges or tangerines), some miniature chocolate bars, and a package of potato chips. we also used to include peanuts in the shell and a small packet of raisins, most years. The packages were simple, non-competitive, and given with love to a bazillion people, including the non-frum neighbors.
I daven the way the brachas were always written. I have never heard of this new form.
We go through this every year. The boys who want to find an excuse to drink (like some who have posted here), will use the Shulchan Aruch as an excuse to be real “tzaddikim” and get disgustingly smashed.
When the Shulchan Aruch was written down, there were no stupid boys driving around in lethal weapon cars, smoking cigarettes, whose ashes they flung along with their vomit on neighboring lawns, making doofuses of themselves. No one was causing a Chillul Hashem by waking up babies and exhausted mothers in the middle of the night, or any of a myriad of inexcusable drunken actions that occur each year, they were staying in the Yeshivah. They were not getting intoxicated to the point of alcohol poisoning and ending up in the ER. Thank G-d Hatzalah has people who do not follow this practice.
When a UPS man comes to my house to ask me (because we are somewhat acquainted from his making deliveries that I take in for my neighbor) my opinion about what to do about the drunk who hit his truck on Purim (because the driver of the UPS truck really does not want to cause problems for the Jewish community he services), that is beyond sad. What a Chillul Hashem!
Most important, our Rabbonim have repeatedly published their opinion that the Ad d’lo yada should no longer be followed as it has been in the past. It is enough to drink SLIGHTLY more than than one normally would. So a glass or two of wine is plenty and sufficient to lower one’s inhibitions. With all the concern about girls’ tznius and measuring skirt lengths,I cannot fathom how the drunken actions of the boys on Purim, some which end in hospitalization or worse, is not a way more serious issue.
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Women marry men and are disappointed when they don’t change. Men marry women and are disappointed when they DO.
Cupcakes are not hard to make, just hard to put into the cupcake holders. I use an icecream scoop, measures perfectly every time. You can basically use any layer cake or 9×13 cake recipe and use it for cupcakes. Just bake for less time than a cake would need.
Depends on subject and your level of expertise and credentials.
If a mother tells her daughter to do something and that something is NOT against halacha, the daughter is obligated to do as her mother asks,out of Kibud Av v’Eim. The Torah specifies the mitzvah of kibud Av, it does NOT specify how many inches long a skirt must be. As long as the mother is not overes halacha, the daughter who disobeys her IS overes.
With all the nice talk about hiow beautiful this is, the gift of tznius, the inspiration, how proud we all are of the daughter who wants to be mroe tzniusdig, etc. etc. (and you are all correct), nevertheless, in your zeal to promote your particular vision of what is tzniusdig, you lose sight of the halachos that are unquestionably mandatory. For a daughter to basically blow her mother’s wishes off WHEN THE MOTHER IS NOT ASKING HER TO DO ANYTHING WRONG, is far worse than wearing the skirt two inches shorter than the daughter would like, when he shorter skirt is still well within tzniusdig range.
Daughter, please have a long and calm talk with your mom to explain how you feel. There may be a compromise here. Your mom may be feeling that you are heading in a religious direction that makes her nervous, especially if she is a frum lady. When kids become baalei teshuvah, the irreligious parent feels rejected. When an already FRUM parent sees her own frumkeit being perceived as not frum enough for her child, it is very hurtful and an even worse rejection. That happens a lot when kids come home froma year or two of Seminary. See what’s going on and try to explain your feelings to your mom, and show respect for HERS. Explore the possibility that maybe she is not wrong, and try to help her see your persepctive in a reflective and respectful way.
My kids gave birth to a son on Thursday. B”H we knew it was going to be a boy, and had certain things bought (paper goods, decorations, etc.) or baked and frozen. It was VERY hectic erev Shabbos, and would have been a madhouse if we were not prepared in advance. we left SOME things undone, because until a baby is born, we don’t believe in being completely prepared, but it was much easier this time, knowing we had most things in place.
As a parent, had I been able to find out each time, I would have not wasted a second in finding out! In the olden days, our ancestors did not have the ability to find out as we do now. That does not mean it’s wrong to find out when we clearly can.
AZ, just to get this straight – The numbers I used were for discussion purposes only. They were written arbitrarily. I have NO idea what the real numbers are remotely like. But I still see more girls than guys who are not dating, much less marrying.
The guys I see in their thirties who are not married, are not married for a reason, whatever that reason is (poor social skills, too picky, mama’s boys, arrogant, very overweight and have poor hygiene, etc.) The girls might also to some extent have similar issues, but we see sweet, fine, pretty, slim girls who are not married, because there are simply not enough guys to go around who do not come with their own issues. The girls have to wait for the boy to say yes to a shidduch, and then for the shidduch to follow through. If the boy is not saying yes to any suggestion, then both he AND the girl are not meeting each other. In the shidduch world, it is more often the girl who is waiting, not the boy, though I grant there are exceptions.
my son wrote on the florist’s little card “To: ___, I’m so happy you’re going to be my wife! From: Your Chossen”
I LOVE that!!!!!
As to the fancy shmancy flower arrangement you mentioned – if his MOTHER has to order it and sign his name, kinda defeats the purpose, no? Although I am intrigued with the idea of the boy’s mother sending such an arrangement to the kallah and saying, “I am so happy you will be my new daughter. Welcome to the family!”
“Some people like to object, in the CR, to things they find untzniusdig or otherwise objectionable. “As with all things of this nature, if you don’t like it, DON’T DO IT. ”
OK, DY, I will state it for the record – I do not find these cards to be untzniusdig or objectionable in any way. I think more women would be happy in their marriages if their husbands would show them such romantic gestures. Maybe a chosson should not hand his kallah a rose when he comes to badeck her, because it is a public display. Maybe saying Harei aht in an audible voice is not tzniusdig, because it binds his kallah to him. Maybe someone can find something unztniusdig in ANYTHING, if they look for it. I believe we have so many bona fide untzniusdig things to worry about, that it is a waste of time to look for it in innocent things.
I don’t really know, but look at it this way: If someone gives you a present, can you sell it? Sure you can. It might, however be different in this specific type of situation because the free item was meant to be given freely to ALL. The inention of the giver might make a difference. I don’t really know. Good ethical question.
Oomis,
If I understand you correctly, you’re saying that the numbers issue (more girls than boys) is a big enough problem, and boys being finicky and not getting married exacerbates the problem. I agree totally”
Yep, mostly. I also was putting a bit of the responsibility on the twenty girls who are (like the twenty boys), are holding out for what they believe will be a better shidduch down the road. Unrealistic expectations have quashed many a solid-seeming shidduch.
phillybubby, I remember those awful, awful bookstraps. They either broke, or slapped me in the face as I tried in vain to strap together a gazillion books. And I also did the one hand to the other shuffle.
I wish I COULD have known when I was expecting, but routine sonograms were not done then. My kids tried to keep the secret from us, but one let it slip accidentally, the other was very careful, but I guessed, because of a subconscious slip made by one of them (they said something about a certain color not being to their liking for a stroller, and it kind of clinched it), and by the next baby, my kids showed us the sonogram. I see no reason not to know.
The only possible halachic issue that I can ever imagine, is if it would be a concern that knowing the sex of the baby would lead to a parent chas v’sholom wanting to abort, because the baby was the “wrong” gender. In frum circles that should not be a fear at all.
Perhaps the women who painted excessive blue shadow on their eyes, were also prutzos. That, I can believe was responsible (among MANY other things that men were guilty of also) for the churban.
Absolutely yes! I love nail polish and it keeps my nails from breaking. I keep them fairly short anyway, but they looks so much nicer with polish. You may as well ask should women wear lipstick? If you think yes, then there is no reason not to wear nail polish. The lips are far more visible than the hands.
I remember a truly wonderful and happy childhood, playing outdoors ALL day, even in the winter, because we had a house with a full length enclosed alley way, and our house was gated in top to bottom. So no matter what the weather was, we could go outside to play, even when there was a snowstorm.
I played “off the wall” (Some say I AM off the wall), you know the game where you threw a spaulding at the wall, then clapped your hands once (onesies) and caught it, then twice, caught it, three times, ditto, and then the throwing and catching maneauvers got increasingly more difficult until you were up to ten. Then all catching was one handed. Then you had to reverse the process. if you dropped the ball (especially in a one hand catch), you had to lose your turn and wait for the next guys to get out, really frustrating if you got really far in the game.
Oh my goodness, this brings back some happy memories for me. Thanks for bringing it up.
Both are questions. A shaila is a question of a halacha that one needs to know about something that directly affects a person (is it kosher or traif if a drop of milk fell into the cholent pot). A kasha is a question to help understand material one has learned and which psoes some difficulty or begs another question, i.e., So if Rav said this, why does Abayei say that?).
If there are twenty girls and ten boys in a group, and all the boys get married to the girls in that group, there are still ten girls who did not get married. If there are ten boys in that group and five of them are wasting time and taking their sweet time about “getting back to the girl,” so only five of them get married, there are 15 girls in that group not getting married.If there are 20 girls and twenty boys in a group who cannot make up their minds because they are unrealistically holding out for a “better shidduch,” which may or may not come their way, most likely none of them is getting married. Now we have a really big shidduch crisis.
Rebbeim have to eat, as do we all. There is no issur on eating. If there were an issur for a Rov to eat in front of his talmidim, he would never be able to invite them to his Shabbos tisch.
The old foggies are in London. The old FOGEYS might be writing this reply.
Do we not have enough things to say are untzniusdig, that we have to pick on such naarishkeit as this? I think it’s romantic and loving if the chosson DID write it himself. If not, what’s the kasha altogether? Nice to see a young frum man who is not afraid to express his feelings. As with all things of this nature, if you don’t like it, DON’T DO IT.
Th mn rezun 2 nt txt is b/c it czs pur splng sklz.
WHEW! I am not touching THIS one. But I will say this – I have never heard of a poseik who paskened on this topic. BTW, in what way is this vastly different from singing Aishes Chayil to one’s wife in front of company, or even more, at one’s chasunah, as is the minhag of many?
My husband had it done recently, and the results were immediate. It is done by an opthalmologist (optometrists don’t do surgery), and you have to properly prepare the eye (I would never do both at one time) for a few days before and on the day of the surgery, with eye drops. It is really not a difficult procedure. Hatzlacha.
Young parents, please listen up. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO BRING SMALL KIDS OR CRYING BABIES TO SHUL. It is not acceptable during a regular davening, if they will disturb others, and it is not acceptable even more so at a Megillah laining, which cannot be done over on the spot once you have missed a word, because the baal kriah does not know and it is assur for you to speak, anyway.
I stayed home for many years and had my father O”H lain for me, when I had small children. I only sent my kids to shul when they were old enough to sit quietly and not interrupt anyone’s kavanah. You do no mitzvah and you actually do an aveira, when you think you are being mechaneich small children by bringing them to shul when they are not yet ready. Just a thought.
The kids’ megillah reading idea sounds excellent btw, as long as they stay in there.
In either boy or girl, I would think someone who is rude to the wait staff at a restaurant, someone who bad-mouths someone, or talks negatively about their former dates.