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Cantoresq: A chazzan AND a Kohein. We are related.
THIRD cousins are considered quite distant in the gene pool. I once very much wanted to someday marry my mother’s first cousin’s son (making him my second cousin). I was too young then to even be considering marriage, and he was aabout four years older than I and definitely ready to be seriously looking for a shidduch.
He got married three years later (he lived in E”Y and we faithfully corresponded during that time, but he really was ready to be married, and I was not). He DID consider the possibiity, but his mother O”H, whom I loved dearly and who loved me, felt it would not be wise, because there were children in the family who were not well, and who were the result of a marriage betwen distant cousins. So we went our separate ways, he married a wonderful woman, I and married a wonderful man, and I fondly remember those years.
This past erev Shabbos, my son was driving my husband and me home from some errands, and as we passed near our house, we noticed a young frum guy walking in the direction of a local train station. He had about a ten minute walk if he was going where we thought he was going, and we stopped the car and asked if he needed a lift. He was SO grateful, as the train was just a couple of minutes away and he did not expect to make it in time. We did get him there in time to catch it, and meanwhile noticed someone we knew coming FROM the train , so we asked him if he needed a ride home (he didn’t, but I always believe that machshava k’maaseh). Then as we turned around to finally go home, we saw a third guy (also a stranger) and asked if he needed a lift. He wanted to walk because it was such a beautiful day.
We are of the “don’t miss an opportunity to do a mitzvah” school of thought (not boasting, just saying…), so we felt it was very special that Hashem gave us these opportunities.
There was a time when I did not yet drive, and many people were very kind and helpful to me when I needed a ride, or one of my children did. I made a neder with my husband’s haskama, that if and when I did learn to drive, I would always make it my business to try give a ride to a Yid obviously in need, if it were in my power to do so, even if it took us out of the way. (Don’t start making reservations for me to chauffeur you around, however; this only applies to frum people my husband, children, or I see in the street or while shopping, or to our friends and family).
and VIOLA you are dressed like always!
Or you could carry around a VIOLA, and VOILA! you’re a musician.”
Haifa girl, you took the words right of my keyboard!!!
There is no Dibra in the Torah that says “Kabeid es avicha v’es imecha, CHUTZ m’asher atah kohein.” So I would guess that a kohein must have both kovod and morah for his mother.
I don’t know how old you are, so maybe my response would be different depending on your age. By NOT responding, you actually WERE responding – responding that you are not going to engage in conversation with them. If you are a bit older than 14, you could have nodded and said hello then walked on and ignored them.
Personally, I have always believed that when a Yid says hello, I should respond with a hello, and move on. It has always worked for me, but not everyone would agree with me, I guess. I do think that reporting to their parents would have been an extreme reaction. So maybe it’s better you did not know who they were. Maybe they thought they recognized you from Shul or somewhere else. In any case, as long as they did not harass or try to intimidate you in any way, let that be the end of it.
Nixon was the VP then. Do you remember victrolas?
I remember being able to walk to the local grocery store at age six and a half together with my five year old sister (crossing one little corner that was not heavily trafficked), to pick up a loaf of bread and a container of milk. In those days people could actually do that and not fear for their children’s safety. We were sent outdoors to play ALL DAY LONG, only coming in for lunch or bathroom breaks (and in those days we could go a long, long, time without needing the latter – halevai the same were true today).
oomis1105, absolutely! May you be a catalyst for Simcha til 120!”
Amein. What a lovely bracha. Thank you. That is something I wish for everyone.
When I am overtired, I get an attack of the giggles. It’s not pretty.
I held the havdalah candle very high. My hubby is 5’7″.
We forget that just as inbreeding can produce “damaged” children, it can likewise produce outstandingly brilliant, artisitic, talented children. the question is which genes are being selectively bred. If you have, i.e., two children from a family who each carry recessive genes for hemophilia, the chances are very strong that they will produce children WITH hemophelia (50% chance each pregnancy, 25% chance of the child being a carrier, and 25% chance of no defective gene being found). Genetic counseling would be strongly in order here.
Anyone who needs to spend a lot of time and money on him or herself (usually it refers to the girls, though), they have expen sive tastes, and are never satisfied. they cabn also be extremely emotionally difficult people to deal with. I would never want as child of mine to marry one.
They are old wives’ tales. They might be based in truth, or not.
B”H a million times, no.
No, and neither would any of my kids want to. We all think it is an unhealthy, expensive, and stinky habit.
It is not assur, and it is only contraindicated medically if there is a negative family history in the genes that could get passed on. I personally do not recommend it, but don’t chassidic “royals” do this often?
it seems like u r a seminary girl that has become overly inspired “
Is that like the Big Bang Theory?
I called my father Dad, and my kids call us Abba and Ema.
Health, I cant take it! Im ROFL! Im gagging! I havent laughed so hard in months!!! Help! “
Of COurse, I am delighted that my little post was the indirect cause of your simcha in Adar Rishon!!!
I would love dozens and dozens. B”EH, I should have many many pieces of Chanukah gelt to give out. Right now I only have three aineklach, kinehora.
Pop Quiz??????
It’s closed.
Since we believe that dina d’malchusah dina, it would seem to me that Chazal believed hakoras hatov and respect should be show to our country of habitation. Saying the Pledge of Allegiance is a small price to pay for the freedoms which we enjoy in this country.
Since most of the items mentioned are probably made in Japan or China, etc. I doubt the Shabbos issue is shayach. Soap on the other hand might contain tarfus in it.
By showing our kids how we show kovod to our parents.
Good question. I try not to drink either the juice or the wine during the week, but there is not really an opportunity to do so, unless I am at a simcha, anyway. And it is a mitzvah to be mesameach at a chasunah. Simcha is basar v’yayin.
APY, with all due respect, you have no idea what a pregnant woman’s life is like. She might have been ready to leave in plenty of time to go to shul, and suddenly had to use the restroom. She could have felt ill, she might have had any number of valid reasons for getting there by the skin of her teeth. None of us should be judgmental about this. BUT – we absolutely SHOULD be judgmental of the lack ofconsideration to allow a clearly pregnant woman to stand for 3/4 of an hour.
What would I have done? I would have sat down on the floor.
What is the minhag of not making kiddush between 6-7 all about?
If I only had…a brain… lalalalalalala 🙂
What on earth does that mean?
There is a reason why there is an expression: “You snooze; you lose (or the early bird catches the worm).” If you waste time and don’t act in a proactive manner, you may lose out because someone else got there first. I absolutely think two shidduchim can and should be redt and agreed to at the same time, with the first person to respond being the first date. I personally have no problem with someone going out with one guy on Saturday night and a different guy on Sunday. Telling Sunday guy that you are not available until next week, might result in his not being available either. And if Mr. Saturday Night turns out to be a
no-go, why lose out on someone who might BE the ONE, just because some rules in the present (but not in the past)dictate that it is “not done.”
BTW, I have no idea what happened to the girl in that story. I am acquainted with the boy’s family. He is married now, B”H seems to be happy. Obviously it was bashert for him to marry the girl he married.
I can see Sacrilege’s point, but I think that my position, if followed, would result in people taking far less time to drag their feet in making a dating decision. The reason the rules relax a lot as singles get much older, is that they realize how much time they wasted following stupid rules (not talking about halacha here).
BTW, I also sincerely believe that once someone has gone out with someone three times, they should NOT be considering anyone else until the budding relationship has come to some conclusion. One date does not make a relationship, but seeing someone more than a couple of times means there is SOMETHING there, and the potential should be respected and allowed to develop unhindered by other shidduchim.
I am with Zeeskite.
D”Y I actually DO advocate for more than one “yes” (having married my wonderful husband because I said yes to a date while on my way to preparing for another date, something which most girls of my generation did), because it is unreasonable to expect a girl OR a guy (but more often it is the girl) to wait and wait for a response when another shidduch is potentially available, and could be lost. It happened exactly that way to my friend’s son. He missed out on a shidduch that on paper sounded PERFECT for him, for his family, and so on, because the girl was being redt another possible shidduch (it had not gone beyond a preliminary inquiry), so she would not allow her info to be given out to him. In the meantime, he was redt to someone else, (it didn’t end up working out), and the first girl became available, but now HE was “busy.” By the time he had seen the present girl twice, he realized it was not for him and he wanted very much to meet the first girl, but once again, by that time she was waiting on a response from a new boy. They never did meet each other, and I make no apologies for feeling that this is a real shame.
The “rules” today benefit no one. We have a greater shidduch crisis than was ever seen in recent history, and my bottom line says, whatever it takes to get our single people married, should be considered, even if it means “double dipping” or (horrors!) going to Single events that are NOT shiurim. That is my opinion, and whoever wishes to, may disagree (my own kids disagree, but then again, they have also been brainwashed about the rules).
My two and a half year old granddaughter had a head cold last week, and my daughter said to her, “Mameleh, you need a tissue, your nose is running.” To wish she quickly replied, “Oh – WHERE’S it GOING???”
I am the eldest of four. I think we all turned out pretty great, B”H. None of us is an axe murderer, as far as I can tell. Yet.
SS, first I wish you with all my heart, to find your zivug immediately, so you can be on Cloud Nine also, talking about your engagement, your chosson, your plans, etc. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT ENGAGED GIRLS DO!!!!!!!! Instead of feeling bad, or sorry for yourself, focus on HER simcha right now. First of all, it shows you to be a person of class. Second, when Hashem sees how genuinely happy we are for someone else, maybe He takes a second look at our own situation and says. “Wow, Devorah is such a generous-spirited person! Now it’s her turn.”
Right now, it’s all about her. Next time, it will B”EH be all about you, and I feel fairly certain you will do the same thing she is doing, because it is normal and expected behavior. Let her have this moment without you trying to make her feel she cannot talk freely in front of you. She is not hurting you, you are feeling hurt. There is a difference. I am NOT diminishing your feelings, only asking you to try and understand that your turn will come too, B”EH, so don’t hold back from feeling simcha for your friend.
Pick one at a time, or a general category (like working on anger issues, and trying to control your temper), and just work on that. Commit to doing it for ONE DAY. The next day commit to doing it for another day, until you have changed that middah for two months, by which time it should be ingrained in you. It works for me.
I am more worried about what might have gotten INTO that sack of flour. What extra “protein” might have crawled into it? Yuck. I think someone should be told.
I personally felt that a week is a fair amount of time. I could be wrong but it does take time to make the necessary phone calls. One day to wait seems a little “eager” to me. Just my opinion”
Doodle jump, I agree with you. Sometimes you cannot reach the person you are trying to call. But when one week stretches to two weeks or more, it is too long, unless the other person is out of the country.
Do you think that, if true, the boy had a right to say yes to two girls at the same time and see which one said yes first?
“
Yes, I actually do. That’s the way things were done when I was in my dating years, and the process was so much easier for everyone. I would probably not be married to my husband had I not said yes to the first date, when he called me as I was leaving my office to prepare for a date with another guy (who turned out to be totally not for me). If I would have said no (with the honest excuse that I was “busy”), he most likely would not have called again to see if I was now free. In those days girls did not ask for a guy’s number to call him back, or text message, or tweet, or e-mail or anything. But I do know that girls did not sit around waiting for guys to get back to the shadchan with a reply. If another guy came along or another girl was suggested in the interim – the boys and girls went out with the newly-suggested people. If they became involved and the original guy finally got off his chair and made a decision, it was often too late for him.
“oomis: That is a very unnatural situation. Was all that clearly communicated to the guy? Because the guy’s assumption is that you are simply calling with another “idea”, and that there is not shibud to get back to you with a definite answer. In fact, often there cannot be a definite answer, because you would go out with her, but would rather go out with someone else.” (PBA)
The young man was redt a shidduch. His parents were given the girl’s profile. They WANTED their son to be redt a shidduch and he is 30 already. The shadchan and the boy’s family had spoken back and forth, they wanted this info and that, and it was given, within the week. Despite the shadchan’s calls after a week or so, they did not call back. After a couple more weeks passed, the shadchan called saying she did not want to sound like a nudge, but a yes or no was needed. Still no call back. After a few more weeks, and only because the girl said she was no longer interested in someone who was so discourteous, there was no further inquiry on her part. And then, the boy finally responded with a no, after it was all over anyway.
There was no miscommunication, no misunderstanding. The boy was not then nor had he been previously “busy” with anyone – far from it. And any boy who views getting back to a shadchan with a yes or no as a “shibud” – is probably not ready to get married. Someone who really wants to be married and have a wife, home, and family, views it as a MATANA, not a shibud.
JMO.
My FFB grandson’s middle name is Dekel”
They named your grandson after a cut of meat???? (JK)
Yushke – Yehoshua-keh (or Yeshua-ke)
A week should be plenty time for both parties. I know of a girl who had a situation recently where the boy did not get back to the shadchan for two months. I feel that in such a case, any other shidduch coming her way in the interim, should be fair game to be made. A guy who can’t get his act together even to say “not interested” after a period of several weeks, is clearly single for a reason.
In the LDS church, you can be sealed in a marriage which transcends death.”
Yup, I had forgotten about the Morons…er…sorry, Mormons.
Those poor women really were given a raw deal. They couldn’t remarry, but their husbands still can take a gazillion wives.
Kol Yisroel Areivim Zeh Lozeh. If I am m’challel Shabbos, it negatively affects all Jews; we are part of one entity.”
True, but ultimately a person can do teshuvah for chillul Shabbos. You are expressing an esoteric concept, that what one Jew does affects us all. In many respects you are right about that.But ultimately it is still a SIN against Hashem. The guy who eats treif does not have to go to everyone in town and say he’s sorry. If he steals from someone, however, he can try to atone, but until he returns the stolen object to the person whom he robbed and begs mechillah, he cannot get Hashem’s forgiveness.
My rov says to drink enough to give you a buzz, a little more than you typically would drink, but absolutely NOT to get sloshed. And whatever amount you drink, do not get behind the steering wheel of any vehicle. There have been too many Purim emergencies because of people who are “dedicated” to REALLY, REALLY being mekayeim the mitzvah of drinking ad d’lo yada.
I love really,really cold Moscato di Asti. I think it’s Bartenura, but anything like that is my favorite type. I drink so rarely, that when I actually do take a glass of wine, i like it to be the semi-sweeet sparkly type.
“What do you mean by two sets of Mitzvos?”
Not a difficult concept to grasp:
Set One- Mitzvos bein adam L’Makom i.e., avoda zara, kashrus, shabbos, shiluach hakan
Set Two- Mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro, i.e. stealing, arayos, murder, L”H, etc.
The two sets of mitzvos form the ONE Torah. If someone is oveir any of the laws of Set Two, which is also commanded by Hashem with absolutely the same chashivus as Set One, it would be an aveira against both man AND G-d. That would be a double whammy,something which Yom Kippur is not mechapeir without asking mechillah from Hashem AND also from the person you injured in some way, whereas if you eat treif or are mechallel Shabbos, you only need to get mechillah from Hashem.
What is “unjewish” about the idea that marriage ends at death?”
Correct me if I am mistaken, but isn’t the only religion that seems to believe that marriage continues after death, Hindu? They (used to) take it to the extreme of throwing the widow on the funeral pyre of the husband (did they likewise throw a husband on the funeral pyre of his late wife?)but the rest of us believe marriage ends when one of the spouses dies.
Mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro ARE mitzvos that are ALSO bein adam L’Makom. He gave both sets of mitzvos to us. Miztvos bein adam l’Makom are ONLY bein adam l’Makom.