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ok this might be a bit off topic, but is it bichlal possible to be FFB? mommy fed you chicken for supper, and then you cried like a baby for your milk bottle, and you got it. even if you did keep all the mitzvos, you were not chayiv. there should be a new category- FAFB frum almost from birth. or how about FFBM frum from bar mitzvah. “
This IS veering slightly OT, but I am personally opposed to feeding babies and young children in this manner, even if it is not an “aveira.” If my kids ate fleishigs, they did not get milk, but rather juice, right afterwards (at least an hour later was another story). I did this for chinuch purposes, so even as small children they knew the separation of meat and milk. I get very upset when I see young parents doing what you described, giving a milk bottle right after (and sometimes WITH)a meat meal. BTW, this does NOT apply to breastfeeding, even if the milk is expressed into a bottle for the baby, as mother’s milk is considered pareve, which I was very surprised to learn.
Aish.com is a good start. Gateways has some incredible people to talk to. Both sources have Rabbonim and speakers who are inspirational, straightforward, and non-judgmental.
“Did you say you don’t want to hear a man’s perspective?
How about on this thread? “
Nah….
Do you think I’m throwing away a big mitzvah of hachnasas orchim? “
No. No one has to be insulted in their own home, especially when they are being kind enough to invite someone whom no one else wants. There is no excuse for biting the literal hand that feeds you, so if someone is a guest and chooses to be boorish and insulting to the host or hostess, there is no chiyuv to invite him back.
I have never made a guest feel unwelcome – far from it – my children’s friends have always looked to our home as a home away from home, and we like to make ALL our guests feel that way. But if they embarrass our children (as one foolish male guest did regarding one of my daughters, to whom he made an extremely personal comment about her figure) or make inappropriate remarks that are meant to bait us in a confrontational manner,
they are not asked back. What makes it most difficult is that often our Rov asks us to host these people, and I do not want to tell him why we don’t want to re-invite them.
I married a B”T and have stated the challenges that we faced, in previous posts. However, I am the wife, from a FFB home, and there IS a difference whether it is the husband or the wife who is the B”T. Since the mother is the primary caretaker and teacher of the children when they are young, the boy’s family wants to be sure that she will make the proper Jewish home for their son and aineklach. That is a fair concern, and I mean no disrespect to you by saying that. I have seen the damage that can be done when the person in charge of the kashrus of the home (both food and Taharas Hamishpacha), is either ignorant or ill-informed in the proper halachos. That is another fair concern.
Sometimes when a girl becomes frum, it is harder for her than for her male counterpart when her family is not supportive of her decision to be frum. It is easier for a boy to move out, than for a girl. People tend to look at a frum girl who live on her own, with a little more suspicion than they do of boys who do the same. THAT, is not fair, but it is what it is.
Lastly, if a girl is a B”T, it is possible she may have lived her life in a way that causes problematic issues with certain types of shidduchim, like Kohanim. Another example, is it 100% certain she is halachically Jewish (is it certain her MOM is a Jew)? With the intermarriage rate what it is today, and people who are not frum, really not knowing what constitutes being an halachic Jew, this could be an issue.
Was she promiscuous in her former lifestyle? (I am not chalilah suggesting you were, but you asked what some people are concerned about, and potential STDs are a biggie). People are also worried about B”T flipping in and then flipping out. I personally know a few people who fit that description, and it is very sad.
Your best bet, IMHO, is to meet other B”T (maybe through Rebbetzin Jungreis’ Hineni group, or through NCSY, or another Kiruv organization). At least you can both grow together in Torah, and you would have the distinct advantage of understanding the other person’s mindset. I hope you find your zivug very soon, and wish you much hatzlacha.
An avowed homosexual who is a member of the Rabbinical Assembly has asked that his name be sent by the Joint Placement Commission for rabbinic placement to congregations. May the Joint Placement Commission place such a rabbi in a congregation?”
Is the homosexual an Orthodox Jew and is he totally celibate? If so, I fail to see a bona fide problem. If he is NOT Orthodox and/or commits the aveira of mishkav zachar, that is a different story. But if he is celibate, then he is no more immoral than a heterosexual who remains celibate. It is the ACT, not the person, that is the sin.
The question was are the Reform and Conservative, Jewish. The answer is Yes, if they are born Jews of an unquestionably Jewish mother. If the mom is not Jewish or was converted by other than Orthodox means, then the answer is no. As to the issue of whether when she was converted she lived as a frum Jew, and how that impacts her “Jewishness,” I am not a rov obviously, but I will relate what I learned. One of the things a rov is supposed to tell a prospective Ger Tzedek, to discourgae him from converting, is the following: “You can live your life as a wonderful non-Jew, and be a person worthy of Olam Haba, by following the 7 Mitzvos Bnei Noach. If you are mechallel Shabbos now, you have no aveira from it. If you eat a burger at McDonald’s, you have no aveira, NOW. But once you become a Jew al pi halacha, and do those same things that are permitted to you today, you will be considered a sinner and be liable for an onesh. So why change your status?” This thought leads me to believe that if the person would become liable after the conversion, for doing what then would be considered an aveira for him, that the conversion is absolutely valid, EVEN IF HE DOES NOT LIVE IN A FRUM WAY, otherwise, his status would revert to being a Goy, and he would therefore NOT be chayav. Am I making any sense here? And what is the actual determination? Because one could argue that ANY ger tzedek might be oveir on SOME halacha as we all might be nichshal, so would that render him a non-valid convert?
“Oomis-
I dont think that any of us down here on earth can decide who is more of an eved Hashem.”
Perhaps you are right, but anyone with seichel can see who is NOT being one. With some rare exceptions when one is an iluy, there is no justification for MOST young men to sit and learn ALL day, when they are mechuyav to support their growing families (read the kesuvah – it says nothing in there about a woman supporting her husband, but it says a whole lot regarding the reverse being true). If he cannot find time to learn AND work, he might have a problem. My father O”H got up extra early to learn every day, then went to school to prepare for his profession, came home at night, and sat down to learn after dinner until he went to sleep (late at night). He was an incredible talmid chochom, who by the definitions espoused here, SHOULD have sat and learned yomam v’layla. But he had a responsibility to his parents, and then to my mother O”H when he married her. So he did BOTH. He never missed a day of learning for several hours.
It helps swimmers by cutting down the resistance in the water. Take two male swimmers, same build, height and weight, and identical swimming ability. If one has shaved his chest and the other has not, the one with the shaved hair will have a slight advantage over the other.
A Ben Torah is someone who lives his life in accordance with the Middos that the Torah he is learning imparts to him. If he is a bulvan who merely learns and does not LEARN FROM his learning, he is no Ben Torah, no matter how many years he sits in the Beis Medrash and thinks himself to be one.
“I can’t stop composing these silly limericks”
I know what you mean, Gal of Minyan
I can’t stop this limerick inyan.
Would you tell me, please
Is this some rare disease?
I would just like your honest opinion!
Great stories. I especially liked the “tircha” one.
vayita hashem eloikim gan-b’eden m’KEDEM…. “
That must be similar to the source for lechem mishneh on Shabbos, where it says in the lecha dodi, “Bo-ee Challah, bo-ee Challah…”
get chicken breasts (pound them thin and uniform in size inside a big baggie), stuff them with pastrami (or cooked wild and white rice), roll them in mayo and corn flake crumbs and bake.
I believe that the working camp (that is also a learning camp for part of the day) is doing the truest avodas Hashem. They dedicate part of their day to learning Torah, and the rest of the day to earning a parnassah to ensure that they are also able to LIVE Torah, by providing for their wives and children.
BPT, would you say “feh” if a girl is turned off at the sight of chest hair, and asked her husband to shave it off? Obviously it is not something she would know about him before they got married. I am just interested in the halachic aspect of this. I am not in favor of men doing this, but if it is not up to me or you, AND if the halacha could be found to be matir in this area, then what business is it of ours if it is done, especially if it would be for purposes of Sholom Bayis, and not for z’nus?
I would imagine that a pregnant woman drinking Seder wine would do exactly as I did without wine – fall asleep before the second kos.
If I had to pay yeshiva tuition today (and the Yeshivas are not giving such great scholarships as they did in the days when I did pay it), I could never afford to send my kids to Yeshiva. They would have to go to Public School and be taught limudei kodesh separately. I am forever grateful to my kids’ Yeshivos for being so extremely generous to us back in the day. Today, there are fewer donors to the scholarship fund, and more people who have experienced layoffs and lifestyle changes. I don’t know how anyone at all, affords Yeshiva.
For reasons of Sholom Bayis or even better hygiene – why not? And if women have a mustache or chin hair, are they committing the aveira of beged ish if they likewise remove that hair?
with way too much time on his hands.
The girl is in her late 20s – what has she been doing for the past 10 years to increase her education and earning power? If she wants a boy who is learning -“
A man old enough to marry a girl in her late 20s, probably should have been earning a parnassah for a couple of years by now. Maot boys who learn in Kollel after marriage and who learn for a couple of years, are in their very early 20s.
“Torah at all costs is not hypocrisy. “
No, but neither is it practical. Im ein kemach, ein Torah.
Without reading any of the posts but the first one, my thoughts are that in 20 years or so, none of our Kollel families will be able to encourage their sons to sit and learn, because there will be no frum people earning enough money in the previous generation (due to their insistence on not becoming educated in a decent profession), to support the learning of the next generation. Then, they will realize the ramifications of their short-sighted approach to learning but not earning. This is not what Hashem asks of us, and the evidence is in the Torah which deals with tons of mitzvos related to work ethics. Those mitzvos can only be fulfilled if one actually works.
Blinky, it isn’t so hard
Pretending that I am The Bard,
Though Shakespeare I’m not
When put on the spot,
I seem to have let down my guard.
Wolf – I could have written your post almost verbatim. There have been so many times when I have felt like my family does not fit into any religious “mold.” We are not Yeshivish, but neither are we so very “modern,” either. We are comfortable at all types of simchas, including the one you described, yet I would only want Jewish music at my own simchas (and yes, I listen to secular music). Even your description of your wife covering her hair, is exactly how I feel. I do it because I feel it is right, not because of societal pressure, and not because it is a fashion to do so.
But it is also very hard being that person in that spiritual place, because you can catch a lot of flak from people who expect you to be a certain way because you appear that way at times, (i.e. expect you to have separate seating, when you are perfectly comfortable with mixed), and don’t “get” where you are religiously speaking.
Interesting that a thread about minhagim brought this point out.
The possibility exists that SOMEONE might know someone personally in the CR, so I say, don’t do it.
“If I showed you a pile of coins and gave you 1 hour to collect as much as you can, you would spend as much time gathering the gold as you could.”
You’re right – we WOULD do that – in order to be able to afford to pay rent, food, utility bills, clothing, tuition, etc. (something you are not doing when you are sitting all day in the Beis Medrash, as ideal as that might be to be able to afford to do – but most people can’t, so they have to earn a parnassah).
One pot meal.
Ya know what? Men have to eat twice as many calories per day as women do, for basic metabolism. If the men are getting heavier (and they are, and it ain’t pretty), they have to be really scarfing it down and pigging out, in order to be gaining that weight. So who is kidding whom? And btw guys, after you have been pregnant six billion times, let’s see how great YOUR shape is. Oh weight (pun intended) – you did NOT carry any pregnancies and STILL some of you look really heavy! Whoops! What’s YOUR excuse? Sympathy fat? Don’t YOU need to be attractive for your WIVES (at least as attractive as you expect them to be for you)?
Whether or not it is assur for non-Jews to live a gay life, we live in a country that votes on its moral issues. We are GUESTS here, whether or not we like it, and as such we don’t get to make the rules, in any meaningful sense. Use your votes to give yourself a voice, but ultimately, majority will rule. We do not live in a Theocracy, but rather a Democracy. And we don’t get to tell people how to live their lives, in spite of our disagreement with their abhorrent lifestyle. Not here, anyway.
BTW, this is the answer to why we need the Torah. When left to its own devices, society will alter its moral stance to suit the times. Only the Torah is constant.
CR of course
My little cousin cheerfully waved goodbye to this man and then (loudly!) called, ” Bye-bye gorilla!”.
OY VAVOY!!!!!! How politically incorrect of her!
Unpasteurized milk????? NO WAY. Louis Pasteur did us a great service back in the day. Some people really ARE too stupid for words. Enough with the back to nature. Maybe we should eat meat right after it is kashered, too, without cooking it. Oh wait, isn’t that steak tartare…? Improper preparation of food is responsible for food poisoning and much death, especially in children.
Start by thonking of losing JUST 10 LBS. When you think of the need to lose 30-50, it is a daunting task. 10 lbs. are much less, and much less intimidating. And MG is right. when you lose that first dress size, it will spur you on. Start by making small changes in your diet, fewer simple starches and more complex carbs. If you like a potato, try substituting either a sweet potato, or better yet, CAULIFLOWER (which when mashed and mixed with some garlic salt and onion powder can be a great substitute for mashed potatoes). If you normally eat fries, eat a potato baked. Bake your chicken. Eat fish twice a week (baked or broiled, no sauces). Think about the hidden extra calories you are taking in, that we pay no attention to most of the time (like salada dressing). By making smart choices and filling up on vegetables when you need to crunch and nosh, you will make a difference without half trying. Bonus – your general health will benefit from all these changes, not just in weight loss. Go for a walk with a friend on a regular basis. It costs absolutely nothing. Hatzlacha rabba.
Goyim no longer routinely dress up for church. I have passed by churches where the teens were dress in shorts and the moms wore pants and shirts. I don’t think it is very dignified to do so, but it is done all over the place.
There is another line of thought that says that until that point Avraham primarily saw only Sara’s INNER beauty, her middos tovos. It was when he was in the goyishe velt of great immorality, that he suddenly viewed her through the eyes of the goyim around him who were ONLY concerned with physicality and facial beauty. And that was when he recognized that she was exceedingly beautiful (in a problematic way that could lead to tzoros for them both).
You cannot get too much chocolate. Or really good cheesecake.
QFY, you are correct about the name. I guess when people are davening for a specific time on the mother’s name, when the person is niftar R”L, it is still second nature to continue using the name we are used to. But you are right. His name is now to be referred to as “Shlomo ben Mordechai,” Z”L. What a tragic ending to this story.
Microwave would be assur anyway, because of the electricity.
knob of ginger
ginger peachy
I only wish that I had the opportunity to meet many of you in person – over a real cuppa joe – and a little nosh of course. “
Our Dunkin’ Donuts is kosher.
BY meidel-
I didnt mean that thats why you want to learn it. Sorry if thats how it came out. I just couldnt understand why a girl in 12th grade wants to or should learn about halachos that only pertain to married women.”
They pertain to ALL women. Only the halachos of going to the Mikveh apply to married women. All the halachos regarding tznius, hirhur, negiah, etc. apply to all of us. One could ask an even better question – why are unmarried Yeshivah BOCHURIM who do not even have a mitzvah to go to the mikveh for T”H reasons, learn the Gemarah pertaining to Niddah? It is not their mitzvah, so what reason should they be learning things that a) pertain to women, not to themselves and b) they are not even married yet, so it is not even shayach to them from THAT standpoint?
Hey, Doc, purses are greatly needed
This point, by now, should be conceded.
Like scout troops are taught
“Be prepared,”‘s a good thought,
So that thread really should be deleted!
We have to be so-o-o-o-o-o-o careful what we say in front of children. I have a severe knee problem, so I often kvetch when I stand up or sit down. My granddaughter takes this all in and one day when she sat down she said, “OYYYYY,” so I asked her what was wrong. She replied, “My knee hurts me like yours, Bubby.”
Thank you for pointing that out, TTBH.
“If she feels like she was misled into marriage, I feel bad for her. If being misled into marriage is a common problem, perhaps it is time to rethink how we date”
You said it! No perhaps about it.
“Why is yichus so important?”
It really isn’t. Had it been, we would never have seen a Rabbi Akiva (was his father a non-Jew or a ger), or any of the Avos and Emahos, whose yichus was from Ovdei Avodah Zarah some of whom were mamesh reshaim.
My daughters had T”H classes in 12th grade, given by a terrific rebbetzin in the community. They learned basics, not intensively as in a true kallah class, but the basic hashkafos, the basic halachos and harchakos, and so forth. It was a VERY GOOD idea, and made it so much easier for when the girls who were getting married did take real kallah classes.
As to the idea that what do the girls have to know about their parents’ private issues – are you serious? Do you really think that when a girl becomes a young woman, she does not have the seichel to understand that her mother might be a niddah at different times? The only caveat is that the mother needs to try to be very discreet about when she goes to the Mikvah, but teenage daughters are not stupid. I know women who b’davka keep a bag of some innocuous grocery item (canned goods or detergent) in a bag in the car, so she can “go shopping” for an hour and come back with it. But please do not underestimate our girls’ intelligence.
“Here’s another halachah that it says straight out in the Shulchan Aruch: you’re not allowed to kiss your child in shul. “
I actually just heard this VERY recently (it definitely is not taught in school). So how many people in the CR observe this halacha? I admit to being nichshal, especially with my grandchildren. How many fathers have not kissed their sons when they got their aliyah on their Bar-Mitzvah Shabbos?
Again, Aries, my deepest condolences, HaMakom Yenachem eschem b’soch sh’ar aveilei Tzion V’Yerushalayim. I don’t know how I missed that, or if you posted about it, or if I am spacing out and even might have read such a post and responded – but that being said, I know the pain of the loss of my own mother, so I feel for your sorrow. Auf simchas.