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My dear Dr. Pepper, please note
There’s a slight error in what you wrote.
Though I often sound harried,
I’m very much married.
So dating would sure rock my boat!
Aries, did I miss something? When did you become an avail? I am SO sorry for your loss. I recounted the story of our own personal H”P when my father O”H was niftar 17 years ago (Yartzeit is in a couple of weeks).
Hashem enabled him to drive home from a simcha, having had a massive stroke that left him totally paralyzed, and claimed his life 36 hours later. My mom O”H was in the car with him and did not realize he was ill and unable to talk or move and the casr kept on going. Doctors told us later that it was physiologically impossible for him to have driven the car home owing to the massive and sudden brain bleed, and that my mom must have taken over and did not remember. But that did not happen (she never drove at all, and the design of the car would have made it impossible in any case). There is no question in my mind or any of the rabbanim who spoke to us during the shiva, that their arrival at home in one piece was a neis galui. I have many such stories about my dad O”H throughout his life, and have recounted some of them here. It is because of these incidents that I KNOW Hashem is always watching out for us.
cholent is like chili with less “heat” ( and chili and cholent sound like cognate words anyway. If you like a beef stew, think of this as a thick one with beans.
H word
harried
Smile – exactly.
We like to sit on a dock at our neighborhood. The way it is designed, you can almost feel as though you are on the deck of a cruise ship. It is very relaxing, and we will sometimes bring along a snack and spend time feeding the ducks and seagulls that congregate there. But the illusion of being on a cruise is most vivid when there are no birds around.
almanac
carmine
“If ever a girl was ready for the shidduch market….! “
You don’t know the HALF of it!!!!!!!!!!
Love should deepen after marriage, but it is so much better if it begins to take root BEFORE.
I do agree with you, Popa. I have davened for many things in my life, and actually received two or three of them, as asked-for. The point is, we don’t stop davening, just because we are not answered the way we wish to be. Hashem knows what we need. More than that, davening is about the recognition of Hashem as our Higher Authority, and subjugation to His ratzon. It is not about self-oriented “I want”(s).
Unfortunately, my shvigger is gone 21 years, and if anyone would have taken aim at that saintly woman, I would have punched them out!!!!!! (She really was wonderful).
If a girl is working her head off to support her husband so he can learn, then the least he can do is LEARN.
Maybe they have been influenced greatly by the story of Rabbi Akiva, who overheard his wife telling the women (who made fun of her for being basically left a “Gemarah widow” for 12 years) that were he there to hear her she would tell him to go learn for another 12 years. And so he did, without even stopping by for a danish and a cup of coffee.
These limerucks are just so lame
I really don’t know whom to blame
They must have been started
By someone half-hearted
For the life of me, what was his AIM?
You want to know if I can prove to you tefilah makes a difference. Well, I don’t know if you will accept my proof, but I know it does.
My son and daughter-in-law have been married for almost 9 years. They had a great deal of trouble conceiving for several of those years and it was breaking my heart, knowing what they were going through. They had just about decided to use medical intervention and medicines, but were hesitant. Personally, I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea myself.
One Shavuos night (Tikun Leil Shavuos) at midnight, I went outside and poured my heart out to Hashem for my children’s Tzaar, begging Him to help them, so they would not need to go through painful treatments and possible disappointments each month.I also davened for other people in a similar position. I cried and cried, and then I went back inside, and stayed up all night larning various Divrei Torah.
Several weeks later I got a call from my daughter-in-law, that maaseh nissim, she was expecting, and WITHOUT having gone to the doctor for the treatments. We bli ayin hara and B”H, have a beautiful, wonderful four-year-old grandson now. This was in no way by chance, and unquestionably Hashem’s Rachamim in answer to my heartfelt prayers.
The esssence of Tefilah is bakasha, but that does not mean that it is ONLY about our needs and wants. First, you have to give yourself over to your Creator and recognize that He alone is the Source that controls the world. You cannot be anything but humble in your approach to davening. He is not here to serve US. The reverse is true. Too many of us drop our faith when things don’t go our way. Well if we only have faith when Hashem gives us what we think we want, then we have no faith at all. And that is a lesson, most of us come to understand when we are older.
I wish you will have a positive eye-opening experience, so you will come to realize that a good parent doesn’t always give us what we ask for, no matter how much we beg, whine, plead, cry and demand. But then that magical day arrives when mom or dad presents us with that shiny new bike/car/trip we cannot live without, when we least expect it, because it is the right time, and just wasn’t before. Tefilah is good, even when the answer is “no,” because it reminds us there is a Higher Power Above us.
Do you believe that Hashem COULD NOT in fact create an animal that shares DNA that appears to be commonly found in both apes and humans? If a pig valve could replace one in the human heart, why could there not have been a creation that has similar qualities to both species. We do not actually know the English translation of every animal named in the Torah (what IS an hyrax, after all?), and many animals are now extinct (Dodo Bird, Passenger Pigeon, etc.), so maybe this “common ancestor” is likewise extinct. Why does it have to be contradictory to the Torah? I believe Torah and Madah can be compatible. Sometimes Madah gets it wrong, but so what? There is the belief that the world might be Geocentric and not heliocentric, also. Some prominent Gedolim in the Gemarah put forth that argument, something which science has proved to be incorrect, as the earth and (other planets) indisputably revolves around the Sun and not vice versa.
Everyone is affected differently by a life-altering experience. Hopefully, they have been affected only in a positive way.
As for myself, when I hear of this kind of story and the successful outcome, my response is Boruch Hatov v’HaMeitiv.
Not a bad idea, IMO. Aish HaTorah, and Aish Hamitbach.
My 2 year old granddaughter was taken to the park on Shabbos where she met a new playmate. They had fun going down the baby slide together, and finally when she wanted to go on to something new, my ainekel started to run to another ride. The little girl was sitting at the bottom of the slide and patted the place next to her, calling her to come back. So my granddaughter came running back, sat down daintily, cross her legs at the knee, folding her hands and said, “So what shall we talk about?” Every adult within hearing distance dropped his/her jaw.
“What’s the correct number of dates AFTER marriage? 🙂 “
I highly recommend once a week, at least. A shared bagel and tuna on a Friday afternoon, work for us.
SO where were the survivors buried?
spontaneous dating seems weird and inappropriate to me.
SERIOUSLY? Since much of life is spontaneous, meaning that it is unpredictable, it would be a good thing to see how each of them handles a spontaneous date. Assuming they are both free that day or evening, two hour notice SHOULD be enough time. Now, that is also assuming the two like each other and are comfortable with each other to be “chill” about it. If they are still going through a shadchan, then they have clearly not reached that point yet.
(Personally, I feel the shadchan should just speak to the boy and girl to see if they agree to go out the first time, then let the boy call the girl himself to actually make the date. I am not for this nonsense that the boy and girl cannot make a date with out a third party doing the actual work of making the arrangements between them once they have each accepted the shidduch.)
That’s no way to speak about a lady.
Shlomo ben Kayla
Learn to say no withOUT saying “sorry,” first. You do not need to apologize for NOT being someone’s shlepper 24/7. You can say, “I wish I could, but I am not available,” or, “I have other commitments that I must take care of, but if I have some free time, I will do my best.”
The fact that someone expects you to to do something for her, does not obligate you to do so. And this advice is coming from someone who was exactly in your position, and did exactly the same thing as you. I finally started to feel VERY resentful of the time these unending “little errands” were taking away from my family (and my own personal free time), and came to realize that if you cannot do something with a whole heart, perhaps it is time to reassess the situation and step back. Especially so, if the woman has a husband who could and SHOULD be doing these things for her.
Doing chessed is awesome, but you need to do chessed for your husband and children also, and it sounds from your description, that your friend is interfering with that, albeit possibly unknowingly.
Shidduch profile is better thasn “resume,” IMO. I prefer to call it basic info. I could not care less where someone went to camp. I DO care where this girl or boy went to do chessed for others.
When parents started to be pals with their kids, rather than parents, because they wanted their kids to like them, they lost respect. We are seeing the results of that now. I also believe strongly that allowing our children to be raised by nannies and housekeepers rather than by their mothers, is also a factor.
Just because people ask, does not obligate you to answer.
Popa — totally wrong.
ALWAYS bring a small purse, large enough to carry the cellphone (turned off, please), keys, small comb or brush,lipstick, tissues, and either a credit card or at least $20.
Never assume anything. I went out with someone 35 years ago who met me after work and sent me home by LIRR. I had no idea he had no car, and I certainly had no inkling I was paying for and taking a train home late at night. I needed money for a cab from the train station also, because I was not going to disturb my dad late at night to come get me. Fortunately, I had $50 on me, but what if I had not taken money along?
When I go out with my husband, I like to carry a small purse with a long enough strap so that I can put the strap over my head on one side, with the purse dangling at the opposite side. This frees my hands when necessary, and it is in no way intrusive. It is not a bad idea to always carry ID, and even a health insurance card.
Dor Yesharim is a wonderful tool, but it is not infallible. A friend’s child and the prospective shidduch both checked with D”Y and were found to be genetically compatible – BUT – D”Y did NOT check for a gene that causes a particular non-life-threatening condition, and as it happened both the boy AND the girl carry this gene, and their children were born with the condition. All of genetics is in G-d’s hands, and while I strongly believe that D”Y has helped to eliminate a great deal of tzaar that might otherwise have occurred, nonetheless not all things are in our control even with D”Y.
My daughter and son-in-law checked around the second or third date, when they started to realize there was something potentially there.
Amd sofdavar’s good advice is equally pertinent to BOYS driving.
SBH, I learned that Adam Harishon spoke Hebrew. it was not until the Tower of Babel was being built, that language was diversified by Hashem in order to confuse the builders.
“Are there still “stay at home” moms? I thought there are only working moms and Starbucks moms.”
A stay at home mom, Pops, IS a working mom. Three lashes with a wet noodle, for you.
“With all due respect, you really shouldnt say geez or jeez as it is short for the name of a certain Jew boy who went off the derech and started Christianity”
I once mentioned this in the CR, and “gee” is the same thing -just an even shorter form of the word. It was first used (as in gee whiz) as a way of cursing, using the Bethlehem Boy’s name without actually using it as profanity. Either way, it refers to Oso Ish, and should not be said by Jews.
Sweetheart, you sound like an amazing and extremely sensitive young lady, and I wish you every bracha and hatzlacha that Hashem will give you. Your issues are way beyond the scope of this CR, I think, so I am not sure what we can say that will help. You need to address these ptoblems with a rov whom you trust. If you had a kosher giyur at age one week, you still needed to officially re-affirm your commitment to Torah and Mitzvos when you became a BAs Mitzvah. It sounds like you have done exactly that.
I am not a Rov, so I cannot tell whether or not your siblings are considered Jewish born. I further cannot tell you the complexities of the law as pertains to children born of a Kohein and a woman whom it may be, by law, he is not supposed to marry to begin with.
Your questions are extremely pertinent and valid, and you DO need the answers, as they affect the course of your life. You have a lot going for you in terms of your own excellent analysis of your situation, and you sound mature beyond your years. there is a lot on your palte, and speaking to a sensitive Rov will help clear up soem of your concerns. I wish you all the best and a good Shabbos. You sound amazing. You deserve an amazing shidduch.
“, on the other hand if and when they need it for parnussah, they may be far more dedicated.”
Fabie you posted really well. However, by the time some boys wake up to the reality that they cannot make a parnassah and are not trained for anything, it may be too late. Let’s say they get married and their wives agree to support for five years. After five years, do you really think those wives will be thrilled to have to support them while they go for training or schooling that they could have far more easily done before having the responsibilities of a wife and possibly children?
I think SRPsych has an excellent option.
Bamidbar, when I say Hebrew, perhaps I should qualify it by saying names of Jews we find in Tanach, which IS L”K, even if the name Mordechai has its roots in the name Marduk. Nonetheless in his name there is an element of his Jewish persona, because he was Mo-red against Haman (and I have no idea is this was ever said previously by a meforesh, but I just thought of it myself when I saw the name Mordechai posted). All the names you mentioned have Hebrew meanings. The letters of Esther, though a Persian name, means I will hide, and Hashem did hide Himself from the story written in the Megillah, there is no mention of Him at all. ALL names in the Torah are derivations, but once they are in the Torah, they are part of our heritage, though one would not probably find anyone named Esav (I have met a few Nimrods, though) 🙂
The point I hold is that once Am Yisroel was established, those names WERE and ARE the Jewish names. There is no halacha regarding naming a child. I just feel (clearly very strongly), that names like Shprintzeh and Hirsch are not really Jewish names though they are treated as such, any more than are names like Raoul or Oscar or Miep, all of whom deserve to be honored by Jews for their actions. Look how many people name boys Alexander. These are my convictions, but only I have to live with them (and my kids, of course).
Rav Mendel of Kotzk (The Kotzker Rebbie) was an incredibly wise and intuitive man. His sayings are spiritually deep and have great integrity.
We are not supposed to hate PEOPLE. we are supposed to hate the evil that some of them do. Don’t hate the sinner, but rather the sin. Without hate, some people’s emotions might not sufficiently be stirred to change a bad situation.
Parnassah, while being in Hashem’s hands, is still our achrayus to earn. Hashem decides how much we will earn, but like buying a Lotto ticket, ya gotta be in it to win it. The money will not fall from the sky, neither will it grow on a burning bush in the backyard. So tell your boys to go learn part of the day and get educated part of the day so they won’t have to depend on mommy and daddy for money. Remind them that when they B”EH have sons of their own who are probably learning, that THEY will likely not be able to support them if they were not educated in a field that brings in enough parnassah. That is going to be the unpleasant eye-opener of many kids of the next generation, I fear.
Interesting question, SBT. I always thought it was when they were exiled to Bavel, but I suppose that Avraham Avinu spoke it in Canaan, Aram, etc. Nonetheless, Hebrew was the first and only language until the Dor Haflaga.
squeak
Mr. Mxyzptlk
Squeak, did you get that from ME?
BTL is worth very little nowadays (rightly so). The boys may be learned enough to get smicha, possibly (and let them, if they deserve it), but they often have very poor communication and language arts skills, because they are plain and poshut UNEDUCATED in the secular world. If they want a degree that comes from the secular world, they need to do their secular hishtadlus.
I know guys who went to Yeshivah in E”Y for five years to get the BTL, specifically so they could bypass college and go straight into law school. Only one of all of them was accepted, and I am certain it is because his parents are both highly educated and made sure he got a great high school education.
Ladino was the unifier of the Western European Jews. So it, too, has that heilige tongue status that people accord to Yiddish. I agree there should be extreme respect for the languages and traditions that brought us together in Europe at that point in time, and in the early-mid 1900s here. But we no longer live in Europe, we primarily speak English in far greater numbers than Yiddish was spoken in Europe, and it is time to understand there is only one true Loshon Kodesh. And that is the language in which our Jewish children should be named, and not a re-worked German language. IMO.
Apropos this discussion, when I light my yartzeit licht, I always place it in a small disposable aluminum pan filled with water, and remove any objects above it that could potentially fall over it. I also have learned not to use the glass Y”L, because on two separate occasions, I had them explode, spraying the room with glass and sparks of fire, which thankfully caused no injury.
Of course they should. After they get married, it will be much harder to find the time to do this, especially if they have a baby. All schools should offer Driver’s Ed, and every girl who wants to do so should take the course (reduction on car insurance with the class, also).
No, I am NOT in favor of the vernacular. You TOTALLY misunderstood the point I was trying to make (apparently not too well, however). I am opposed to the use of anything other than actual L”K for Jewish names. My point, very simply, is that if you believe Yiddish is appropriate for naming a Jewish child (because the Jews of Europe spoke it and it was a single unifying language among them, and used for disseminating Torah in great numbers and yadayadayada), then you should have no difficulty whatever in using ENGLISH for the Jewish names of Jewish children, as English is now the number one unifying language in this country, and more Torah than ever before is being taught in ENGLISH.
I do not believe that either Yiddish OR English is appropriate for naming a Jewish child, ONLY L”K is truly Jewish. Yiddish was appropriate for its time strictly for communication among Jews of various Eastern (but not Western) Jewish communities. IMO (to which I have a right), neither Yiddish nor English is really that appropriate for naming a child in them, and certainly one language is no “holier” (anymore) than another, based solely on what I expressed about the language used for learning Torah.
If you are objective and forget your nostalgic feelings for the Alte Heim of the past, for the moment, you will understand that English has already replaced Yiddish as common communications ground among Jews in this vast country of ours, not to mention many other countries. Except for chassidim, I do not know any Jews in my peer group who speak Yiddish, though all speak Hebrew, which IS our language.
To sum it up: Yiddish/English names out, Hebrew in.
Yes, yes it is! Go now! QUICKLY!
“oomis – not everyone acts like dogs, what movies are you watching? 😛 “
I know of it purely through hearsay. 🙂
“(sorry mods – i just saw oomis’ post:
Oomis: Beautifully stated”
Thanks, I was starting to feel a distinct loss of self-esteem. 🙂
“You can argue back that woman caused the first sin”
Umm… actually… it was Adam Harishon’s fault for being untruthful in his instructions to Chava. By changing what Hashem actually commanded them to do, he was TOTALLY responsible for her being able to fall prey to the nachash.
No, no no – don’t do it.