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If everyone is a best boy, then nobody is a best boy.
Any student who has an “I’m paying your salary” attitude towards his rebbie, possibly has picked up said attitude from his parents. That kind of arrogance and chutzpah is learned behavior, in my experience.
I thought the Chanukah gelt was simply symbolic of the fact that the Chashmonaim were the first people to mint coins. I like the other idea, though.
bombmaniac (and what IS that username about, anyway?) , I come from the Olden Days, and life was much more plesant, less stressfull, and people were more normal with each other. There were no tznius problems, and even people who dressed inappropriately by the accepted tznius standards today (i.e. sleeveless dresses, shorts, uncovered hair in married women), still ACTED modestly and morally. People could safely send their kids out to play all day, knowing they would come back at suppertime. No one was doing drugs, and most kids who were brought up frum, stayed frum. Yes, we may have had fewer machines to do our work for us, and clearly there are many pluses to living nowadays, but please do not put down the past. We had a decent life then, and our kids were respectful and good kids, who said please and thank you, yes ma’am, and no sir and stood up when an adult walked into the room.
Well, I am not exactly excited about the way shidduchim are made altogether, because you are right. It feels as though it is more of a line by line comparison of resumes (what is this anyway – a job interview?)to see which candidate is more qualified. In the olden shidduch days, if someone had an idea of a shidduch, they went to the matchmaker (and sometimes only the two fathers hashed it out together), and a name was suggested to the other party. No one looked at papers, no one asked for pictures, and the couple met each other and it was a shidduch or it was not. So we live in modern times now, but have we really improved the process? I am inclined to think, NOT so much.
I actually tend to agree with you. I feel we sometimes put too much emphasis on a child’s self-esteem, to a fault, in fact. If every single time a child does anything at all, we reward him, then when he really accomplishes a difficult task or masters a difficult concept, the Yasher koach will be rather hollow. There must be a p’shoroh, middle of the road, where a child is encouraged but not always being rewarded. It kind of gets annoying to hear a teacher say, “Wonderful job, Moisheleh – you stayed in your seat for two whole minutes.” Babies need such encouragement, older kids need to learn appropriate behavior, both by example and by being taught what is expected of them, no ifs, ands, or buts.
“Pookie: You really think the reason your friend is leaving frumkeit is because he has a facebook page?”
I agree with NY MOM. If someone is going to go OTD, or head in that direction, there is a great deal more going on with him or her than a Facebook page. It may only be that the signs become more obvious with Facebook. I do think that the privacy settings issue is an important one. Kids tend to forget that once something is in cyberspace it is there forever.
Most of the time it is the boy’s MOTHER who wants to see the picture. I agree with the rav who told you if the boy won’t go out without seeing a picture, then he is not for her. Not giving a photo does not mean someone has something to hide. Much can be hidden in a really good photo. It is demeaning under normal circumstances. Only exception – if the boy or girl will be travelling a great distance, across the country or out of the country, to meet each other. Then an exchange of photos is a reasonable request for BOTH parties.
To join the other politicians who didn’t voice their objections to Obama Care.
I do not like photos of either party. Some people photograph poorly, and some look WAY better in a photo than in person. It is a subjective matter, and no one should have a preconception. Just my opinion.
APPLESAUCE????? Please – the only thing meant to go on a latke is sour cream! Applesauce is only b’sh’as had’chak when I am making it for fleishigs.
“I strongly agree with “NY Mom” who said a third-party shadchan should be used -“
I do, too, buit only because it is a good way to save face, not put preswure on either party, and if it’s yes, great, if no, then nothing ventured, nothing gained. I would go for it, definitely. She can only say no, and if it otherwise was going well to that point when they agreed to stop going out, it might go again.
You’re right, haifagirl. But truthfully, not every post DOES get read, especially if there are many of them.
bombmaniac, don’t hold back, tell us what you really think!!!! (I happen to agree with you 100%).
“lol look what happened 2 Joseph and his colored shirt… “
Yes, but clearly Yaakov Avinu saw nothing wrong in the wearing of non-white garments, and he followed Taryag Mitzvos.
We can chanhe the world – one latke at a time!
“BTW, SYAS charges about $20.00 a month and is also done b’Tznius with Shadchanim matching profiles. Singles have an option of being visible to their Shadchan only. “
That is a reasonable cost, and they do work to redt the shidduchim. The problems only really arise when people are not honest in what they post in their profiles. No one is verifying the information. Also, the shadchanim often steamroll over someone’s expressed wishes. My daughter was redt shidduchim with people who had dogs or cats, when she expressly put in her profile, “NO PETS,” and explained that she is very much afraid of dogs and is not particularly fond of cats, either. She also said she is a non-smoker who hates the smell of tobacco, and was still set up with a guy who smokes. She doesn’t want a shidduch with someone who expects to sit and learn and not earn a living for even a limited amount of time after the wedding. She was set up with several kollel types. Shadchanim have to listen to and respect what people say to them. These are not naarishkeiten.
It is nice to think, as Baltashchis does, that a shadchan who was hired for only a month will continue to “work” for you and keep you in mind, but I sincerely doubt it, as they will always have other paying customers, apparently, and if one is paying for their services, there is an obligation to that customer, certainly in teh customer’s mind.
MAZEL TOV, and what a wonderful story, told a little too well!
My father O”H was a chazzan, and it was of the utmost importance to him to follwo the nussach. He was very much against the trend to sing i.e., kedusha, to popular niggunim of the day, and regularly extolled the virtues of traditional chazzonus. His greatest disappointment was in seeing the traditional nussach being traded in by baalei tefila. I believe there is a place for both. Not everyone likes and appreciates a good chazzan, but those same people can enjoy a good baal tefila if he has a pleasant voice. Along with nussach the ivra must also be correct, and that, too, was a sore point with my father, who was very precise in his enunciation.
I have seen so many people who post here, who express intelligent and articulate ideas, I could never pick just one. The ones I like best are those who even while disagreeing, are not disagreeable.
I agree that soft, liquidy type foods like yogurt might help. Good suggestion. Does he feed himelf or do you feed him? Has he expressed a desire to drink from a bottle? I am just rtying to think of all the things that could trigger this? HAs there been any type of major change in the family recently (a move, a new baby, illness, etc?)Have you tried not feeding him at all until he is ravenous? (I know, I hate that idea, but maybe he will be more likely to swallow). I still would talk to the doc about this. I am stumped.
Shavua tov!
” $360.00 is just a small amount to pay a Shaddchan to help us.”
Not on a monthly basis, it ain’t! That is not a token of appreciation. That is a utility bill.
I met my husband because Hashem sent him into my place of work at the right time for me to meet him. There was no human shadchan, I saw a real mensch who was ehrliche and aidel, and when he asked me out I agreed. We are married almost 33 years, and if you think that’s crazy, then that is your privilege. It is not the first nor the last time that people meet each other and realize they are right for each other, without anyone else interfering. Just because something is not done the way you are used to doing it, is not reason enough to call it “absolutely crazy.” These two young people met each other because she had a blowout on the side of the road and couldn’t change her tire. She saw a young man who was willing to stop and take the time to help a female in distress. How many frum guys might have stopped by a female on the road and continued to drive? None of us should ever be so sure of ourselves that we do not believe that Hashem makes things happen HIS way, for a reason.
Had Moshe Rabbeinu not seen the Mitzri beating a Jew and killed him, which resulted in his being forced to flee for his life, he would never have found Tzipporah at the well in Midian. If Yaakov and Esav had not had their issues between them, Yaakov would have never left his home and found the mothers of Klal Yisroel. Who was the shadchan for Rabbi Akiva and Rachel? Certainly not Yenta, the Matchmaker! Not everything that you do not hold by, is crazy. it is just a different venue.
AS regards wishing people I”YHBY at a simcha – I think girls (it usually is the girls who react in this way) need to stop being so sensitive, and accept a bracha for what it is – a bracha. I did not get married until I was 26, my younger sister got married first, years before that, and my younger brothers were either engaged or seriously involved before I was engaged. Believe me, hundreds of people wished me that same bracha at the weddings or vorts. I smiled and said thank you very much, AMEIN. If someone CHOOSES to allow those words to cause them pain, then their attitude needs an adjustment. Not everyone meets his or her basherte when all his friends/family members do. So what? Does that invalidate someone’s good wishes for them? If you have to watch every word, then what will happen, is eventually people will stop talking to those singles.
The only time I feel some discretion is necesssary, is when talking to a woman who is childless. That is a special situation, because know one knows what she is going through physically and emotionally, to try to have a baby. You have to know how she will receive that I”YHBY, before saying it.
NY MOM, perhaps I misunderstood your point, and if so, I AM sorry. But I did get the idea from what you posted that there was an implication that if he had acted on his own, somehow that WOULD be an issur. I may have misread between your lines.
Of COURSE nothing assur occurred, based on what we were told. But even had he actually asked the girls out, THAT would not be assur either. And I really wish for the rest of the world to understand that there are many different ways for shidduchim to come about. As long as the intentions are honorable, we need to chill out a little and not expect everything to always be done through a shadchan, a rov, or even a friend. Sometimes Hashem is the ONLY shadchan and HE throws two people together in order to make that match, and the more we intervene in it, the more likely that things may not turn out so well.
To me, smoking is like drinking whiskey. I cannot imagine that after trying it one time, any sane person would say, “WOW! I love this feeling of choking and coughing my guts up/the taste of my mouth burning up from that vile liquid! I should do this AGAIN, really soon!!!!!”
It is now after Shabbos, near six PM
I’ve read all your posts and the rhymes within them.
Please keep your day jobs; you’ll need them, you see.
’cause poets you ain’t, and won’t ever be!
“and as far as we know, nothing assur occurred here. “
And if the boy had simply asked her out, are you implying that would have been an ISSUR???? Maybe it would not have been religiously PC according to some people’s opinion, but it certainly is no aveira, and should not be thought of as such. What are we doing to our children’s happiness when we start viewing something innocent, pure, and for tachlis, as being forbidden solely because it did not go through a bona fide professional “yenta?”
During these non-Jewish holidays (if not ALL the time), it would be so smart of the Jewish store owners to play CDs, rather than their radios. There is no secular station that plays strictly non-sectarian music. I listen to talk radio. Much less problematic.
Now it may be that in some stores, there is a wider demographic. Maybe not all the customers are Jewish. Still, mamesh non-Jewish holiday music should not be heard in those places.
This entire thread is making my eyes bleed. What are we, in Kindergarten? The shadchanis’ ego was hurt??? What? A nice guy was helpful to a nice girl. If it should turn out that they want to date each other – they should, with or without someone’s intervention. It is nobody’s business, but their own, least of all a shadchan’s. And if that makes a girl un-redting-worthy for the future should this not work out, then the entire system needs a long overdue change. And certain Shadchanim could use some sensitivity training.
I’d use matzah meal instead of wheat germ. Wheat germ is healthier, though,
I just say “happy holiday season” to someone who says MC to me.
Well, SOMEONE has to be the last one! You’ll find yours someday soon, B”EH. It just means you waited for the one who doesn’t cross the street when he finds you – unless he IS already across the street! Don’t worry so much, your anxiety could end up getting picked up by the guys you date, and most guys don’t like feeling like a girl is desperate. There is no need for you to feel that way. Hashem will send the right guy to you when you least expect it. Just do your own hishtadlus and put yourself out there. Hatzlacha rabbah.
OnlyEmes said it best, in my opinion.
Turandot – isn’t that the opera with the very heavenly “Nessan Dorma?” I LOVE that piece.
ROB, I think you are more correct than I – my bad. I was actually describing a karaoke bar, which is what most people seem to mean when they say “karaoke.”
It is a place (usually a bar or restaurant) where people can get up to sing publicly. There is a machine that plays the music without the lyrics, from popular songs, and the patron can read the lyrics off a teleprompter and sing along. It is that person’s chance to perform in public. I have never been to something like that, but I have seen it in the media. I have never heard of a Jewish Karaoke place though, and certainly if there is one, it is unlikely to be for frum people, I would imagine.
“I am trying to collect recipes so I can make a huge free cookbook available to anyone who wants. Does anyone have any recipes they would like to have added to this cookbook?”
Sure, absolutely.
How do we do this? How about using some of the recipes already posted here?
Hi, Mod 77. Welcome. Have a Pepcid. On me.
The only classical composer who comes to mind, whose music I avoid, is Wagner.
Happygirl, you asked a number of very pertinent and reasonable questions, and I am in agreement with you. I think the entire concept is a use of time that would be better spent in trying to ensure that the next shidduch has a happier ending. Moving on with one’s life is a far better way to show one holds no grudge.
This entire thread just reminded me of a sign in a college parking lot where my daughter was ticketed for parking illegally (without a sticker). I cannot recall the wording of the sign, but its ambiguity was VERY similar to the tennis sign posted by ronrsr. When I read the sign, I, too, would have made the same mistake as my daughter’s, and I would have thought I could park there. There was no punctuation.
“he also brought back a 98 on a recent gemara test. I think that this proves that a yeshiva guy CAN own jeans. What do you guys say? “
I guess denim fabric does not short out the brain cells in the Gemara Kup, after all.
Haifagirl, you are correct, Nevertheless, I believe most of us discerned the young lady’s intent, that she was pleasantly shocked to see Anne Jupiter again, that it was a case of Yad Hashem, and that there is something to learn from her story. A blog board is typically not the place where most of us get our educational skills in writing (more’s the pity). I am in total agreement with you that written communication is altered by improper punctuation, spelling, and grammar. Since most of us WOULD like to succeed in the outside world, proper English usage is a GOOD thing.
“Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
this one doesnt really need punctuation but rather an understanding of the words… (did I just give it away?) “
Not to me, cetainly.
BTW, I HATE people using shorthand (as I just did, by the way) in texting. I am getting seasick reading these messages.
“The gaps between fish and and and and and chips are unequal”
I have not yet made sense of the first sentence, but this is what I think of the above sentenc:
(Copy editor or proofreader, presumably making corrections on a written page): The gaps between “fish” and “and” and “and” and “chips” are unequal. OR – “The gaps between ‘fish’ “and” ‘and’ “and” ‘and’ “and” ‘chips’ are unequal.”
Haifagirl, I am notorious in my family for stressing gramamtical correction in all areas. My parents O”H taught me to speak properly, and though my dad was not born in this country, his verbal skills were legendary. My biggest pet peeves include, “Between you and I,” (which sounds as though it ought to be proper English, but is grammatically incorrect), “It’s me!” (as a response to “Who is it?” (the correct response really should be,”It’s I,” which ironically sounds INCORRECT to the ear), and people who pronounce the word “nuclear” as “nukular.” OK, I have many more pet peeves, but these really bother me.
I am not saying I am perfect (far from it), but I see such a degradation of the written AND spoken English language. There is no longer such a course as elocution in the school system, whereas in my mother’s day, students had to pass such a course in order to be graduated, and they were the better for it. The way in which we express ourselves is the very first impression people get of our intelligence. I may not be a Rhodes scholar, but I would not want people to believe me to have grown up in an intellectual wasteland, either.
Enunciation is also a very crucial part of this issue. And lest anyone believe it is not, just think how crucial proper enunciation is l’havdil, in layning the Torah. I just believe that the area of Language Arts has become lost, and I would dearly love to see (and hear) people bringing it back to full bloom.
It IS a beautiful story. Clearly the names of the patient, place where she comes from, and her dog’s name must have been changed to protect their privacy. And while I don’t think haifagirl’s second comment was necessary, it was not exactly an incorrect observation. Maybe the OP is a limudei Kodesh teacher, and English is her second language. In any case, I think she is awesome for going to the nursing homes and visiting the elderly. It is a tremendous, tremendous chessed.
It is basically a signed statement that the party who was wronged in the broken engagement forgives the person who broke it off. So if Sorah breaks off the engagement to Avrumi, Avrumi gives her a signed shtar that says he is mochel her for breaking it off with him. It is apparently crucial in many Yeshivishe circles. I personally never heard of it at all until two years ago when my friend’s son’s engagement was broken by the kallah’s side, and no one would redt her a shidduch without her receiving it from him. Of course he gave it to her ASAP, but I think it is not always shayach. What if BOTH parties agree the engagement should not continue because both want out? What if the engagement is broken i.e.,because the kallah finds something crucial and very negative out about the chosson that was withheld from her (like he was married before and has a child in another country) and she breaks it off. Should she then be expected to receive a shtar from HIM that he is mochel her for the breakup? Makes no sense. But people do it.
Music is music. Melodies can be used to uplift the spirit or they can be used in degrading ways. Isn’t it far better to take a song and elevate it spiritually by infusing it with lyrics pertaining to chessed and Torah, when it might have started out as a beer hall drinking song?
See what diverse opinions we got here, from no you can’t, to yes, you can, to only in a specific kli. etc. All this serves to highlight is the best advice – check with your own LOR.