please drop the ” Nazi”, your point is witty enough without that tongue in cheek description, sorry to be a trifle serious but I can’t bear it when we belittle the enormity of what ” nazi” really means.

write or wrong I do deeply empathise, I understand the importance for you of fitting in with your community. I agree with zahavsdad about the tragedy of lashon horah and imposed conformity that afflicts many a tight knit observant community.

Just a word of encouragement from the heart, whatever you feel inside do not give negative people the chance to get busy with your family set up, be confident and hold your head up in public, negative types can sense when we ache for our children.

Ok you are in a difficult challenging place now, well it is not easy to be a parent, the trials and tribulations of those around you may be far worse but better hidden. I never realised this until I ended up teaching young adults!

Yes it can be said you should do well if you are catering for a Jewish women only market. To do well in the real world would no doubt require great marketing skills coupled with the most important combination of a good voice and exciting repertoire.

I love listening to women’s voices and as a frum woman am always on the lookout for new and different people to follow.

I am a big fan of Yasmin Levy and I know many other frum women from very varied backgrounds who buy her music.

Ashkenazi Jews did and do speak yiddish, Sephardim, did not, are they not to be included and shown some respect?

I am married to a sephardi with ancestry from all over the middle east, and they all speak perfect Hebrew. There is indeed a type of Judeo arabic which is used among certain groups as well as a tendency to use the language of the host country, be it Farsi, Arabic or French. Many biblical Hebrew scholars note that the Yemenite pronunciation of Ivrit is most authentic and closest to the way our forefathers spoke.

Yiddish is a beautiful language precious and spoken by many Jews, but not all!!! yes there are many sephardi especially from Jerusalem who speak great Yiddish, but how about some kavod when talking about Yiddish and realising not all Jews are Ashkenazi and shock horror the shtetels of Eastern Europe have been tragically long gone! Those with any sentiment for the old lands where Yiddish flourished should remember their delightful gentile neigbours who in the absence of Jews still loving cherish their antisemitism to this very day.

1941 European jewry was in the grips of a nightmare of a grotesque hellish nature, and here we have in 2012 seemingly religious men talking of evading the draft as their fellow jews were butchered!!! Wow now we see the nature of those deemed too frum to serve, if they would not fight Nazi Germany why would they fight Hamas and Hizbollah?

Those jews who lived in the USA were blessed indeed during the 1940s, saved from the shoah, at least could their descendants could show some kavod and not mockingly discuss evading the draft.

David Hamelech could write the most beautiful tehillim and when necessary he could fight for his people too.

Medium Size Shadchan

Your last post was sucintly put, thank you!!

How can one compare a young woman OTD to those who actively and physically destroy and maim innocent lives in our community too young to defend themselves.

Spoke to my muslim colleagues about their prayers, all of them independently told me their daily prayers are influenced in origin by the example of Jews on Yom Kippur. Kind of strange to compare minutes or frequency of prayes between different religions, heartfelt tefilla is about input and belief.

A Woman outside bklyn thanks for the names of those organisations helping those struggling within the community, very good to hear about them.Thank you for your post, of course if someone is unhappy and feels hated they cannot envisage ever fitting in.

Just a word of caution, I have read the book by Deborah Feldman, lent it by a non Jewish work colleague who found it rivetting . We have spoken about it at length, and I must say it comes across as an autobiography, nothing more or less. A young eloquent girl felt suffocated and ran away, she has produced her account of her upbringing and struggles. End of. Her perceptions are not mine, I recognise she has the right and skill to present a very different point of view to me. I hope the energy and amount of bile spent on critizing her would be spent on helping those in need receptive to support and comfort. If you are raised without love it serves to disengage you from your surroundings.

May I also add as a teacher of young adults, we need to focus on ALL the young in our community, let children of divorced or disadvantaged parents feel included too, irrespective of family break down details.

Is it not wrong to discuss the trauma of someone’s divorce in such insulting terms?

We should worry about ourselves and how we are, not how we appear in our goldfish bowls. The phrase OTD is thrown around all over the place, usually by people who are worried not so much for the neshamas of our kehilla but by the need to conform and keep up appearances. For young couples to be happy and build a jewish home, perhaps a little less indepth family research and questioning and a more communication, discussion and exchange of ideas between the couple??? It is cruel to introduce young naive boys and girls to each other with parents in the background so actively seeking yichus and status for their families. You want successful shidduchim? Do the couple laugh naturally together, are they attracted to one another, ( the girl as well as the boy!!!!!)

It is natural for a parent to want their children happy, but happiness means caring for your child, not your status in your community!! A couple need to have a natural chemistry to get along, recognised since time began, our Torah talks of love and mutual respect between our forefathers and foremothers.

Spanish Portuguese Jews developed Ladino which was taken after the inquisition over to Morocco, Babylonian Jews from Iraq use a type of Judeo-Arabic unique to Jews of that area.

Jerusalemites from old established families spoke Yiddish alongside Hebrew and Ladino, my own roots are from Yemin Moshe and my grandparents were sephardim who spoke Yiddish fluently. Post 1945 it was a way of making survivors feel welcome. Yiddish is a warm golden language which is part of our heritage, but must say German to my ears always sounds horrific

No one I can see here is being disrespectful to the need and duty to study Torah.

What bothers me is the idea of someone supposedly imbued with the spirt of Torah and yiddishkeit who yet does not realise it is not actually very nice ( I am being polite) to look for a bride to support you. Is marriage a contract of convenience or a special holy relationship? Do not parents of daughters feel uncomfortable about a man seeking their daughter’s hand only once the financial details have been settled, it bothers me as I find it vulgar for young men to be taught to look for girls with money, that is the bottom line.

I thought learning Torah would give a young man values and dignity, not create someone seeking a partner for her support. As for young women happily giving support, of course once married one does all one can for Torah and the family, but who wants to be actually chosen for their capability to pay up?. Do people not realise how this devalues marriage and relationship, no doubt contributing to divorce and family break up.

Learning Torah is a gift and belongs indeed to all, no one is daring to contradict that, just saying working can be part of a Torah life too. Yissachar and Zevulun is a noble contract used to share wealth and learning, the current attitude being promoted leads to young women treated like meal tickets, and teaches young men a most unsavoury lesson

Just to say as an only child I dreamt of having siblings and can understand the pain of a parent whose much loved kids ask for another sibling. I did just that. Now a mother and grandmother of quite a few and realise my longing for a big family as a child has manifested itself in adult life with joyful results.

Yearning to have more children to love and share the joys of life with is natural, no doubt in our frum communities this is magnified by the number of children people have, resulting in kids seeking to share in the love and care of younger children. A child seeking a new baby to love is obviously a child with lots of love to give.

But the pain of total childlessnes is something beyond words, emptiness and a sense of deprivation are profound.

Trim -dearly hope your children may indeed be blessed along with you to have a new baby to love, most of all enjoy your dear children and relish every moment. Sounds corny but really true, my kids are all big now and the sight of younger ones is always a pleasure to behold.

Wow !! Health I totally agree with you.

To parents reading these posts from those against vaccinations, please note nothing in life is full proof, nothing at all.

With regards to German Measles (rubella) Whooping Cough etc ask major hospitals how many young children they treat who have suffered life long disabilites and hardship as a result of catching these illnesses.

Rubella can seriously affect the unborn leading to blindness, whooping cough can result in shockingly high fevers and convulsions. Baruch Hashem the figures are not overly high. But my husband is a paediatrican treating tiny kids from time to time who have suffered from these tragic conditions following rubella or whooping cough epidemics.

Popa :

All our kids take out student loans the rates of interest of which are usually quite favourable to the student and most of all teach the student the importance of standing on their own two feet and making a committment to their future. Sure kollel payments help too as are applying for available scholarships. We as parents know our duty to our kids to make them independent and self reliant. Not easy. All my kids have part time jobs. They also do not select brides on the basis of financial support. Now my eldest work they are able to pay loans

back quite comfortably. Why? They are all qualified and in paid employment.

As a mother of boys and girls I find it shocking and faintly repulsive that someone would actively seek a shidduch who can give them ” support” on a monthly basis. I give support to the ill, weak and infirm, those unable to help themselves.

How on earth can a couple build a truly Jewish home with proper values when the first precondition on the chattan’s shopping list was someone able to give him support?! When my ( yeshivish) eldest son got engaged he was offered financial assistance from his future-in-laws and told them politely no thank you, he will provide for his family. Learnt in kollel and studied for a qualification to support his wife and child. Still attends daily shiurium but pays his own way. He has semicha and a honours degree, it can be done. He is not the only one, shameful to ask parents to support a son-in-law, shameful to reduce a young Jewish bride to a meal ticket.

Nk were making a sickening point in a demonstration in Manhattan, this time wearing the garb of concentration camp inmates and Nazi inspired gold stars to show solidarity with the monstrous demonstrations held last week in Jerusalem.

Rav Shach zt”l Ponevezher Rav did not just have a grandson in the army, but a grand daughter too!!! When she arrived at the gates of the yeshiva the bochurim were astounded to see her greeted by her grandfather.

Pinkocean you are most certainly not alone, lots of girls feel the same.

I have daughters and nieces who would come back from dates disillusioned beyond words, not upset by individual boys but rather a sense of being let down by the whole thing. You try your best, daven, work hard and look good and then there is a sense of anti climax as you have an actual date. Don’t give up, some boys are unconfident and inept at socialising but time effort and looking hard will bring you someone you will like and respect. I know! Some boys need a gentle hint as how to open up and talk to girls, hence superficial chatter or awkward silences.

Keep your dignity and hopes up, your tone will change when you meet the “one”!

Health, I do not know how well acquainted you are with Israel, places like Mea Shearim and Bnei Brak have a long illustrious history of being charedi heartlands, newer younger communities such as those in Beit Shemesh and Modi’in have always been relatively mixed with different communities observing different degrees of observance.

I was born and raised in Jerusalem never , never , never were my neighbours, be they charedi or chassidische bothered by the antics of those around, they learnt Torah and raised their children. Men’s eyes were modestly kept down. I come from a mizrachi dati background, shock horror as a child I rode a bicycle , when I fell of my bike the charedi ladies next door would help me up, brush off the dirt and send me on my way. We knew different Jews did different things, we knew we all deserved respect, not to rubbish one another to the point where we rip each other apart.

You write with so much knowledge and a strong Jewish education, you are privileged to be so learned, please share your feelings with us whose opinions differ to you with some respect. You would be shocked to learn many of us would rush to your aid as a fellow Jew if you ever needed help, help us back by showing some gentleness and kavod.

Health, the upset of seeing a Jew break or misunderstand the laws of kashrut or tzniut are nothing compared to the pain of seeing Jews burning up with hatred and bitterness against each other, sorry if this is not seen as appropriate, but it is a deep rooted instinct within me, and I suspect many other Jews feel the same.

If you see something inappropriate and cannot mediate gently or effectively, look away, if food is not kosher, do not eat, but to turn on to another person and cause them pain and fear is not acceptable to me. It is not mere embarrassment, it is a sense of foreboding and acute pain.

I remember an Israel where you could step onto a crowded bus, see a young charedi mother laden down with bags and kids, and watch those around, secular, frum, the whole lot move themselves to help, take the kids, smile, joke and give a seat. In other countries it is rare to allow a stranger to help your kid onto the bus, in Israel the sense of being one people meant that feeling of unity. Irrespective of differences.

I am a political cynic in my old age, and do not view Israel through rose-tinted glasses, but I cannot change my instinctive response to jewish disharmony.

Soliek, the examples of how you approached your lesson sound spot on to me.

I teach and know it is not always easy to appreciate at first how it is going to go with new students, especially boys! Boys do not always relay how much they may be gaining or enjoying a lesson which may require creativity on their part, but I suspect you may be pleasantly surprised. You sound really enthusiastic and full of innovative ideas, go for it!

Health the publicity in the general media is upsetting not just because of the outside world, but most of all because of what it is doing to our world, with the relationship between different Jews becoming increasingly embittered and ugly.

There are many jews who have never dealt with frum Jews, people who once may have been open minded but are given images which can only negatively affect their ideas about what the frum world is about. These images are grotesque but thankfully isolated. The embarrassment I feel and share with others is not just about the gentile response, but most of all the Jewish response, the confirmation of unfounded sterotypes and preconceptions.