oomis

(I “love” burgers and fries).”

My Rov once said to us, When you say you LOVE a good steak (or anyhting else that you enjoy eating), what you are REALLY saying is that you love YOURSELF, so you want to give yourself the reward of eating something that makes you feel happy. But when you love another person in the way that we love our spouse, it is because you want to make THAT person happy.

There are many things that one can do on a date that cost very little. A slice of pizza and a day in the park, are not so costly. Packing a picnic lunch is nice also. For an indoor date, try to be creative. There are museums of all types, for example. These things don’t cost $100, but they DO give you a chance to get to know each other.

I am opposed to lounge dates. Lounges are sleazy places where guys are picking up women at the bars, people are often not dressed in a Tzniusdig way, and the stench of smoke clings to your clothing after you leave. At least it was like that in my day. Which is why I never stayed very long. I cannot imagine it has gotten better with time.

My pharmacy boasts free delivery no matter what you buy. We once ordered a couple of items that a Mexican dropped off, it was one shopping bag. We gave him a dollar. He threw it on the floor and said “I don’t accept one dollar.”

So now we’ve established that there are deliverymen out there who are rude. How does this impact the discussion on tipping? “

You pick up the dollar, and resolve not to tip this delivery person ever again, or pick up your own pharmacy items. If I give a dollar to the guy who checked my oil and put air in my tires, he says a very polite thank you with a smile that tells me he does not often get ANY type of a tip. A dollar is a dollar. Put enough of them together and you eventually have a nice pile of dollars. This reminds me of the meshulach who did the same thing to me. He actually flung the dollar back in my face and said, “Here! It’s obvious you need this more than I do!” To which I replied, “You’re right, but I nevertheless still wanted to give you SOMEthing!”

When you list Starbucks as a Shidduch reference for your kids…

I meant no offence I was only posting that you 3 guys make the best threads when you argue”

Thanks – I think…

I mamesh don’t seek to argue with anyone. I simply oppose the type of small-mindedness that comes in the guise of frumkeit, particularly when anyone who views himself as “frummer than thou” makes insulting, hurtful,ignorant, and offensive remarks to other people. I don’t care WHO it is. It is time for certain types of people to accept the reality that we are ALL frum Jews, even when our styles are a little different. As long as we follow the same Torah that they do, it does not matter if the hat brim is up or down, or if we even wear a hat. If we go to the Mikveh every month, it does not matter if we wear short sleeved shirts with long sleeved shirts underneath them. If we are Shomrei Shabbos and Kashrus, who CARES if we sit mixed at a simcha? And if we choose to marry men who earn a living AND learn Torah every day, KOL HAKAVOD! There are so many things Hashem really wants us to do that we are NOT doing properly (like refraining from the Loshon Hara that often appears in the CR), that it behooves us to take notice of what is lacking in OURSELVES and not in other people. That’s all I wanted to say.

I don’t have time at the moment to read all the posts. Only someone who has LOTS of money to spend on takeout, would ask such a question. Have you any idea how LITTLE these guys are paid (as are waiters and waitresses as well)? They rely HEAVILY on tips, to supplement their income, especially when called out in all kinds of weather, to deliver YOUR food because you didn’t cook that night, or make lunch, or whatever. No, it is not mandatory to tip, and maybe it IS a little chutzpahdig when the tip is automatically added to a bill, but it has ALWAYS been menschlech to tip.

And before anyone argues that the store owners should pay better wages – yes, they should, but they don’t. So should the hapless delivery boy suffer because of that? He might not be able to get a better job at the moment, might be paying his way through school, or not be qualified for something better. Don’t be cheap for a couple of dollars. It makes such a chillul Hashem.

TMB,and R-B you both need to take a look at yourselves and do a cheshbon hanefesh, if you would begrudge a few extra dollars when you already spent money on yourself, to someone who is not living off your tax dollars on welfare, but earning a living, just because in a “nice” way (not demanding, as was implied), reminding you that a tip is hoped-for. Asking someone how much change to give back, is NOT the same as “how much of a tip should” he take out. I believe that anyone who thinks tips should not be given, should work for ONE week (including deliveries) at such a restaurant, and see how they feel after that experience.

We serve it with BenZ’s chrein, but I have had it with dill sauce also, and it was delicious. I like to cut a large cucumber into VERY thick slices (maybe almost 2″ each, then slightly hollow them out, put the chrein in it, and serve the cuke piece alongside the fish.

“Why do I get the feeling that those who very strident in denouncing yichus are not proud of their family history?

Is there something wrong in being proud of your family history? “

I am a direct descendant of Aharon Hakohein. There – I’ve said it! I am proud to be a Bas Kohein, but that still does not make me more special than another frum yid, to the extent that I need feel smug about it. IF I live my life in a way that made my father O”H proud, then the fact that I am descended from Kohanim is of note. If I shame the lineage from which I come, then who cares if I am the daughter of, sister of, ANYTHING of the people who WERE worthy of the title? Yichus is only yichus if one follows in the footseps of the first meyuchas in the family.

you’re referring to the Malbim’s p’shat on v’ahavta l’reicha k’mocha.”

WOW! Really?????? What was his p’shat? I never learned it. This thought occurred to me as I was typing my reply.

“Real love takes time. Yaacov worked on himself before he met Rachel for 14 years, learning from Ever. “

Based on that type of thinking, then perhaps our bochurim should not be looking to get married so young, before they have had a chance to work on themselves for 14 years from the time they become Bar-Mitzvah. Yaakov left the Yeshivah of Ever, earned a parnassah and married his wives. (I am sure he learned in his spare time).

Maasei Avos, etc. etc….

Thank you all for the mazel tov wishes. I just saw your posts. Commonsense reminds me of something that happened to me when I was pregnant with my second child, and we took my mom on a trip to Cape Cod with us (our one and only family vacation). I was newly pregnant, so we were not telling anyone. As is typical with most pregnant ladies, I had to excuse myself VERY frequently throughout the day to use the restroom, to the point where my mom became exasperated and told me, “When we get home, you need to see a urologist ASAP! I think you have an infection!” I shoulda told her…

It always depends on the concessions being made. If you are giving in on what style of china patterns you like, that is nisht geferlach. If you are giving in on hashkafos that you previously thought were different, i.e. he suddenly wants to be supported, quit his job and learn full time, or vice versa, leave the Yeshivah and work full time, when you had discussed and settled the issue, or he presented as a guy who would never own a TV – because that is your hashkafa – and then insists on one, or vice versa, those are not kleinekeit. If she wants to live ONLY in the USA, and he said that he felt the same way, but then suddenly is only aliyah-minded, or vice versa, these are important issues.

My daughter will not have a pet in her home, especially a dog or cat. She has been redt many shidduchim with guys who want to have or do have a dog. Likewise, she will not date a smoker. So if he gave it up, and then suddenly wants to smoke again, it would be a deal-breaker. And these are not even major issues. being controlling IS a very major issue. If you are making concession on important things (like who gets to control the money and how it is spent), that raises red flags to me.

An inexpensive, pretty bracelet, or maybe a name necklace in silver, would be nice.

You are not being seen by the neighbor. You are singing with your family. You are in your own home. Ask your rov, if he thinks that you needed more than ONE of these reasons to give you a heter, much less ALL three. Providing a proper and enjoyable Shabbos atmosphere at the table for your children is more important than being overly worried about what someone in ANOTHER apartment UPSTAIRS may or may not be able to hear. At most, it is muffled noise. Unless you are Ethel Merman, your voice is HIGHLY unlikely to be distinctively heard among the others by the males upstairs. They can always outsing you with their own zmiros, if it bothers them.

Aries made good pointsm btw.

charliehall: Haven’t you previously stated you are a congregant of Rabbi Avi Weiss’ synagogue?”

And therefore…?

ROB, as usual, always the voice of reason.

Telling anyone to turn off music (of which you disapprove) in a public place, is beyond chutzpahdig. And telling the WRONG person to do so, could end up being deadly. Who do we think we are? This country does not belong to one set of citizens. Unless something seriously encroaches on obscenity laws or disturbing the peace, we have no right to tell another person what type of music he or she may listen to in public.

“oomis;

I think p_b_a was joking. “

Derech Hamelech – So was I…

OF COURSE you say hello! What’s the matter with you? That is common menschlechkeit. No one says you have to sit down and have a half hour conversation, but for Heaven’s sake, it is just plain good manners to say a quick “hello, how are you, nice to see you,” and move on. Why must everything be made in to a melodrama here? Honestly, it shocks me that this type of thing is even a question, or considered untzniusdig, or whatever. You should never be rude to someone, especially if you already are acquainted, if for no other reason than you might embarrass the person in a public place by doing so.

My parents taught us not to even touch the muktzah item. I actually used to think the word muktzah meant Don’t touch. I would never touch a car on Shabbos, to lean against it.

“What did Yitzchok give to the food?”

His complete attention!

Thank you for the clarifications on the muktzah issue. I used the lamp, because my Rov assured me it was permissible, but it still felt funny to me to TOUCH the lamp cover.

I would not have told US first, but since we do not really know who you are, it might not count… I would wait until the first trimester is safely over. Then tell your parents and siblings. You can do what you want, but I would wait to tell other people until I was beginning to show. Oh, and we should be zochim to hear besoros tovos b’shaa tova u’mutzlachas. My new grandson just had his bris, and there is nothing in the world like a brand new baby, bli ayin hara.

Where, here on the Coffee Room website????? Sure.

My son went to Lander College for Men, and not only was it not tamei u’metamei, it had a profound effect on him, to be mechazeik those traits in him that are already wonderful, special, and worthy of a true ben Torah.

Plb, the line means to me that as people in NY are not terribly friendly to begin with, and don’t routinely cknowledge each other in the street, this should not be a problem for most people in NY running across a familiar dating face. I do not agree with that line of thought, however.

Both parents WOULD have to cooperate, as cedarhurst says. The problem is when one parent is recalcitrant, and the Beis Din has no legal power to enforce said cooperation, as is often the case in an acrimonious divorce.