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I am too embarrassed to say.
OY, I am getting SUCH a headache!!!!!!
anybody else ever sample chicken feet?
When I was a little girl, my mom O”H put it in chicken soup. I actually liked it then. Nowadays I would barf first, before EVER tasting that.
However I dont think that it makes sense to argue that the way we dress has greatly been influenced by the modern world.”
The modern world has given the YESHIVAH world its mode of dress. In the early to mid 20th century most non-Jewish men wore black Fedoras, white shirts and black suits.
Don’t discount the zechus of ANYONE who donates for the kovod of Torah. OTOH, I personally am bothered by the fact that were it not for the kovod, they would never donate, in all likelihood. But the fact that they do, is still something for which we need to be makir tov. Whar used to frind my gears, hwoever, was when two yeshivah students both committed the same “avlah” but the son of the wealthy contributor got off scot-free and the poshuteh mensch’s son was punished.
Firstly, I believe I dress b’tznius all the time. Second, if I were lucky enough to be meeting a Gadol, much less getting a bracha from one, I would be dressed yom tovdig. I do not dress like that every day, nor would I, as then it would not be special for Sahbbos and yom tov.
“everyone cud keep THEYR standerds of tznius while imagning that if mashiach wud come TODAY- wud they be embarrased of wat theyr wearing in front on sara and avraham?!? wud theyr skirt be too short or teight? its jst something to think abt… “
I would respectfully remind you that we do not live in the time of Sara and Avraham. Or did Avraham wear a Borsalino, white shirt and black suit?
To take his shoes was genaiva. To force him to walk around shoeless om gravel or otherwise, is abusive. Also, a child should not walk around in sox with no shoes when his parents are alive, btw. There are more intelligent and appropriate way to teach him to behave. I would give my son a good talking to as he deserves, and complain about the counselor’s actions, as well.
Aries, I am delighted to see you posting again.
Ohr Chadash – even if one brings something down as a good middah, if that person is choshuv it leaves the implication that NOT doing so is NOT a good middah. As a result, people start to forget that something has been SUGGESTED as being a good thing to do, and begin to believe that others who do NOT do it, are in the wrong (which we know is not the case). Would you agree with that statement?
I think that denigrating anyone, Gadol or not, especially in a public forum, is probably a major no-no. Disagreeing with someone’s ideas however, feeling that those thoughts may go too far or are machmir beyond that which Hashem wants of us, is NOT the same as making light of the PERSON. IMO, it is not insulting to a Gadol or even to a “mere” Talmid Chochom (nothing mere about Rav Falk at all), to say that one is not mekabeil his particular mehalach – UNLESS that mehalach is unquestionably 1000% the correct one.
Not all RABBONIM agree with and accept as Torah m’Sinai some of the ideas expressed in Rav Falk’s Sefer. It is therefore not surprising that many people here likewise find some of his words to be hard to hear. Separate the kovod we surely owe him for his extensive Limud Torah, from your feelings (and those of some Choshuveh Rabbonim)that many of the things he wrote are chumros and not halacha l’maiseh.
One may not necessarily agree that everything a great Rov says or writes is always applicable to all of klal Yisroel, but we still must respect the Torah mind that believes enough in these ideals, to want to teach them to us. The only way we can dialogue about these things, is if we retain mutual respect.
A slippery soap is a slippery slope. Get those decals that go on the shower floor, to give traction, or wear shower shoes. Best yet, get a safety rail installed on both sides of the shower.
I have mentioned before that it comes from a nickname my oldest son gave me when he met his then kallah, now wife. It is a form of “Ema.”
Nice post, nice guy. Hope you find your basherteh very soon at the right time.
Don’t get me wrong I CAN’T STAND THEM. However why do they maintain a standard and we can’t??? “
Because their women are so frightened of being beaten and or honor-killed for lack of their so-called tznius, that they will do whatever their bosses (fathers, husbands, and brothers) tell them to do. Or else. We however recognize that this is 5772, not 3772, and there are certain changes that have come with the times. As long as we conform to minimal halachically-required and acceptable standards of modesty (and apaprently there is some dispute among some rabbonim as to exactly what that constitutes), no one should be offended or offensive.
Yes, we need to be tzniusdig (both women AND men), but just because you might hold by a certain standard, does not automatically treif up someone else’s standard, as long as it is within clear halachic guidelines that are accepted by the Klal. And if not acceptable, it is still not the best thing for anyone to pass angry judgment, because gentle remonstrations and education do a far better job than harsh words and accusations, in helping someone to dress in a more modest manner.
I had not enough siblings, though supremely happy with the ones I have, B”EH tzu longer yohren. My mother would have wanted several more, though she already had a very nice-sized family, had she been able to have more children. I think one of the reasons I had one more child than she, was because Hashem knew how very much she would have wanted one more. In any case, it is not the number of children we have, but the kochos we put into them, that matters.
In general when I am asked for advice, I have to assess the situation AND the person asking me. What I would tell one person, might not be the best idea for the next one. Even the same person asking for advice, might need to be addressed in different ways at different tiems.
I just had that situation with a close friend who was having a problem with a child (an adult), and she was VERY angry about it. Sometimes, my friend just needs the “echoing” of her feelings. This time, however, I flat out told her that I could see how very upset she was by what had happened, but that if she responded to her child the way she intended, and as she indicated to me, she would be saying something to the child that could never be taken back – it would harm their relationship irreparably.
I asked her to think really hard about what I was saying, and that while I agreed that her hurt feelings had a justifiable component, she was not at that moment in anger, able to look at the situation through her child’s eyes, and that there was a justifiable element in that child’s point of view, as well. I asked her to strongly reconsider how she planned to handle the situation, and she informed me this week, that she DID think it over, her anger had thankfully abated, and she did not do what she was going to do, after all. I am greatly relieved, because I don’t want to see a lack of sholom bayis betweeen parent and child, especially over something that while disappointing to the parent, is really the child’s decision.
15% is plenty!”
LOL!!!!!!
I generally am pleasant but firm, and tell them not only that I am not interested, but that they are wasting their time knocking on ANY door on my block. After two or three similar experiences in my neighborhood, they move on.
I did have one pair (they ALWAYS come in twos) inform me that they wanted to tell me The Truth. I responded thank you very much, I already HAVE The Truth; my Truth came way before their truth, and a crucial part of It was a Directive from G-d that It would ALWAYS be The Truth and never change, so whatever truth they thought they had, might be good for them, but it was false to me. They had no response to that and left.
It really is ebst not to get involved in conversations with missionaries. Unless you are Gavriel Aryeh Sanders or the like, you probably do not know enough about their “torah” to be able to refute their words. They know chapter and verse of Yeshayahu et al by heart. Most frum Jews do not, though if we open a sefer we could explain the meaning of the pesukim they misquote. But who wants to waste time doing that with them? I only care about JEWS not believing that tripe. The Goyim can believe what they will.
I once had a non-Jew argue with me about the meaning of the word “almah” which is their “proof” of the story of Mary and the “virgin” birth of her son. I explained that in Hebrew the word for a virgin is besulah, and that almah merely means a young woman (married or not) of a specific age. The person argued back with me that I was completely wrong, and I politely asked her not to tell me the definition of the words in my own Scripture, especially when she does not even speak the language, which I DO. Our rabbanim explained the meaning, and what THEY said it means, is what it means, and not what she needs it to mean in order to fit her theology. I learned then not to get involved with this type of argument. I don’t need to change their minds.
As to the opinion that Yaakov avinu’s struggle with the malach was only a dream – did he dream his dislocated gid hanasheh?
The story of Avraham Avinu is filled with chessed. He was the paradigm of chessed.
V’ahavta l’rayacha kamocha is quintessentially about chessed. More to the point, can you find a place in the Torah that is NOT about doing chessed and tzedaka (Which means righteousness not charity)?
that any clothes that are too attracting are not allowed”
Anything that attracts undue attention is not good. Correct? Then I would say that the garb worn by certain groups of frum Yidden, would seem to be problematic as well, as they surely cause a great deal of attention to be paid to their wearers. An argument could be made for ANYTHING, if one wants to argue. My daughter was told she could not wear a floor length completely tzniusdig black skirt, because people were looking at those skirts along with the too short ones that others wore.
People have no reasonable right to call you for tzedaka late in the evening or early in the morning. I have gotten calls as late at 11:30 PM and as early as 8:15 AM. When my phone rings at those times, I jump, because my friends and family know not to call before 9 AM or after 10 PM unless it is an emergency of some type.
Personally, I hate getting tzedaka calls from people who pretend I have donated to them before, and with a specific amount.
One person sent me a bill for the “same as last year, $36.” I never heard of this organization and certainly would never have committed to such an amount when I have relatives and friends whom I help support with my maaser money (people who are out of work through no fault of their own, or ebcause of illness). I don’t say refrain from giving, but it’s become very difficult to field all these calls.
I think that what has happened is that rather than being regarded as the form of tzedakah that it truly is, this unqualified total financial support is looked upon as an entitlement. No one is entitled to be supported by anyone on an ongoing basis, unless there are mitigating circumstances, i.e, the person is not able bodied or ill in some other way. Hashem expects us to earn a living. If not, there would absolutely no need for any halachos in the Torah that pertain to parnassah, or of working the land in E”Y. Does the Gemorah not say that a man who has not taught his son a trade, has taught him to be a thief (or something like that)?
Some men are such iluyim that they should ONLY be immersed in Torah (and they can earn parnassah of some type from that also, by teaching Torah to others). Most frum men do not fit into the iluy category, and they should be doing both. They might WANT to only sit and learn (why not, wouldn’t anyone prefer to do something he finds meaningful and enjoyable all day, rather than punch a time clock?), but that is impractical, considering that mouths have to be fed, diapers have to be changed, tuition has to be paid. It is unfair to be angry at someone for pointing that out, IMO. And it is equally unfair to expect people who are NOT immersed in Torah or even frum, to be blindly accepting of those who are, when they do not understand the importance of learning. If some of those of us who are frum feel that the yungerleit should not expect to be blindly supported forever without their earning a living or without concretely giving back to the country out of appreciation for the support they do get, how could the non-frum world ever be expected to accept that? And that is the crux of why the Israeli government is giving the yeshivah boys so much grief now. There are at least two sides to every story, and if we are to be fair, it would be a good thing to try to reasonably understand the emotions that are involved here now.
Who would use a plunger on Shabbos when it WASN’T important to do so? Please, people! A bissel seichel.
I try not to say “guys,” but rather, “people or folks.”
Ask your LOR a shailah, but I canot imagine for kovod habrios as well as your son’s own health, that urine soiled sheets cannot be changed.
Do we not have the belief that a Jew who dies SOLELY because he is a JEW, no matter how far removed he may have been, might have done teshuvah with his last breath, and therefore merits Olam haba? In any case, it is for Hashem to decide, not us.
It’s okay, Oomis, you don’t ned to wear a hat to daven. 🙂 “
Listen, MY head is ALWAYS covered, davening or not.
I’ve Got the Music in Me.
or
Bubby’s are for Loving.
first of all, do you really feel that at the present the Chareidi community does not “give SOME form of service to the country”
What I should have said is some form of service to the country that even those who unfortunately are NOT machshiv Torah learning, will recognize as such. Like it or not, people who put their lives on the line to defend their country, do not generally see the value of a talmid chochom, as we do. Let’s say for example a bunch of guys sat by the river dam every day, sitting against the walls of the dam. They do nothing all day but sit against the walls, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. Meanwhile, everyone else is busy BUILDING new walls, in order to fortify the dam. They only see that those other guys are sitting and (to their mind and way of thinking) doing nothing at all. They don’t get that by sitting against the wall, they are actually fortifying the dam, and they resent these guys for letting them build the walls while they “do nothing” but sit.
That’s how the chareidi kollel guys are often viewed. It doesn’t matter to the ones who lay their lives on the line in the army that the yeshiva guys’ learning is spiritually holding back the flood of our enemies. All they can see is a bunch of guys with comfortable seats, doing nothing. If you could for just one tiny second see this through the eyes of someone who is not a dedicated frum yid, maybe you would better understand the frustration of those chilonim, and even some frum Jews, as well, who are themselves prepared to defend E”Y. This is not a glatt issue with a simple answer.
You are correct about Zaka, Hatzalah et al. They are major chassadim and services.
The Little I Know, you made some good points. it is one thing to ask for Daas Torah in halachic issues, but the simple fact is that not every Rov, elarned though he may be, is qualified to give personal family advice. Just as every cardiologist is brilliant in his field, but may not be qualified to be an Orthodpedist, a rov may be a great Talmid Chochom, but not have wonderful insight on severly personal matters between a husband and wife. MANY DO, but just as many do not. That is why one must be careful in seeking out such advice from a Rov who IS competent in sucvh matters, ebcause the answers still have to come under an halachic aegis.
What a monumental loss to Klal Yisroel. TNZB”H
we’re all eating Tisha b’Av this year. It is Shabbos “
OK, GOOD point…
But I don’t think that was what the OP meant.
What woudl I want at a Pesach hotel?
Me…
(Just kidding, actually I prefer to be home for that particular yom tov).
Let me get this straight – you believe that oen should daven b’yechidus WITH a hat, rather than in a minyan without one? We are always taught to daven in a minyan, because while our own zechuyos may not be sufficient for Hashem to answer our tefilos with a “yes” it may be that someone else who is davening is VERY worthy, and in his zechus Hashem will show Rachamim to the less worthy person as well.
There’s not much of a comparison – those were accomplished talmidei chachamim, who were not in any spiritual danger from joining the army, and whose primary occupation, even during wartime, was learning (consider the encounter between the malach and Yehoshua). “
DY, perhaps if there were more ultra frum people in the army (I don’t advocate for this, though), there would be a greater hashpaah from them on the chilonim, isntead of the reverse that you seem to fear.
I don’t want to see Charedim be forced into the army or chalilah into combat (for that matter, I don’t like seeing ANY Yid forced to fight, but it is tragically necessary), but I would like to see them give SOME form of service to the country that does its utmost to protect their rights. That is not siding with the enemy by any stretch of the imagination. There has to be a compromise of SOME type here, that will mollify both sides.
OREOS but not anymore, because apparently having eaten too many of them, I now have Type 2 diabetes 🙁
ROB: I find it very sad to see someone I shared a number of stimulating and respectful debates on various topics in Halacha spewing such hatred and vitriol against the Torah and those who learn it”
Hello99, perhaps I missed something (I admit I did not read EVERY single post here before replying to yours), but what exactly did ROB say that sounded like he was spewing hatred and vitriol against the Torah and those who learn it? I think he expressed something that many people seem to feel, even if they do not say iot aloud (unless I greatly misunderstood his point, as is quite possible), i.e., that one cannot have it both ways. If the chareidi world (or anyone, for that matter) accepts free funding from the government (whether here or in E”Y), it certainly would seem natural to expect them to give back to that government in some appreciable manner, just as a matter of hakoras hatov. And if the government made their receipt of funding contingent upon giving service of some kind to the country, then perhaps there WOULD be those who would stop accepting the financial help, so as to avoid having to do the service. Quid pro quo.
This is a valid observation, however distasteful it might be. I personally do not want to see chareidim or Kollel men in the army, but to be honest, who exactly do you think DID serve in the Jewish army in the days of Moshe Rabbeinu and our shoftim and neviim? What if THEY would have opted out, citing the desire to learn full time as a get out of the army card? Many people, especially the non-frum Jews in E”Y, feel great resentment of those who have never served. They could not care less that the Yeshivah bochurim unquestionably provide a great spiritual shemira for klal Yisroel. They don’t GET that. All they see is many able-bodied men who do not have to put their physical lives on the line in the same way that is required of THEM. If we are to be intellectually honest, we should be able to understand their frustration, even if we disagree with their objections.
Again, please tell me what did ROB say that so offended you? I clearly missed SOMETHING. I would like to hear what he has to say in response.
i have a very poor body image too but a very supportive husband who also makes me feel like i’m the prettiest woman in the world.”
Hold onto THAT one. He sounds like a real keeper… And make him feel like the handsomest, smartest guy in the world, while you’re at it.
Does anyone have ideas of what to make for dinner?”
Yep. Reservations.
Morahrach – please don’t feel so hurt. Some people cannot help but be critical, and even if and when they are correct about the mistake, it is not worth the emotion you are putting into feeling bad about it – especially a nice person such as yourself.
Accept (as I do) that when we are typing we sometimes make errors and don’t always catch the need to edit in time. We are human. So big deal if we misspelled something or wrote something that was not gramatically up to par. Does that diminish us in any way? No! Laugh about it, and try not to make the kind of typo that I once did, and about which I still get razzed (because it came out almost as an obscenity before I realized I had left out a truly crucial letter in a word).
I don’t believe that anyone is really mean-spirited enough to want to hurt your or anyone else’s feelings in the CR. At least, I would hope not. And I am not proofreading this post before sending, so I hope I didn’t make any mistakes, but if I did, SO WHAT???????
Zabachur — tall girls should NEVER slouch, but rather should wear their height proudly and elegantly. Slouching doesn’t make them look shorter, merely sloppier. Flatter shoes are fine, but never be ashamed of your height, tall OR short!
Most caesar salad croutons are cubes of toasted bread. Assuming that there are many of them in the salad (and typically there are), there surely would be a sizeable amount to equal the requirement for washing and saying hamotzee. I actually checked it out when I just had a salda serving, and there was enough croutons cubes to equal more than a slice of bread. The best thing to do, however, is to simply get a slice of bread and wash for it.
English is a Saxony derived language, I believe.
Sleep then, too. Shabbat Shalom! I can’t wait to bensch licht. I have been running on empty for two weeks since my delicious grandson was born, eh should live and be well. B”H, worth every wakeful minute!!!!!!!!
First of all, mazel tov on the birth of your new baby, and have much nachas, always.
The biggest tip I can give you is to stop having agita over your present weight. You are nursing, and that will help you lose weight naturally, over time. Right now your focus has to be on the health of the baby and not on what you see in the mirror. Every one of the 50 lbs. you gained worked to give you a beautiful, healthy child, kinehora, and that is no small feat. Yasher koach.
Just eat and drink in a healthy way, don’t obsess over the weight, and go for long walks with the baby. You WILL lose the weight over time. You may never look exactly the same as before pregnancy, because your body has undergone a change (and it is for the better – you helped create a new life). Don’t let anyone make you feel fat or less attractive. Wear those extra lbs. proudly for now, and just live a healthy life with good healthy food and exercise, and you will be fine.
Order an easy to cut piece of chicken cutlet, if out for fleishigs, or a piece of fish if dairy. DO NOT ever on a first date order falafel in a pita, or spaghetti. BBQ ribs are a no-no, too.
Probably a good idea not to wear heels in such a case as same height.
I would always consider if someone was not for me, whether or not that personw ould be good for someone else I know. My nephew married his lovely wife because his best friend went out with her first and realized that my nephew was more shayach for her than himself. he was right.
You would never ge back a lot for the melt-down silver, compared to the worth of the candlesticks. I hope your circumstances take an upward turn, so you don’t feel the need to pawn other items that you own. Hatzlacha rabba.