oomis

Blabla are you from OOT? If so, your reaction is understandable. However, to be fair, most parents are NOT looking for extra hassles when seeking shidduchim for their kids. the process is already annoying enough. If a shidduch comes from OOT, one should not reject it on that basis, but if one comes closer to home, it makes sense that those parents would consider that one first. Unfair to the OOTer? Probably. But still understandable. And I still feel the OOT person should be given a chance anyway. For someone in Chicago, NY is OOT.

Some of you will not like what I have to say. For starters, let’s stop segregating our boys and girls and let them develop friendships with each other at an early age. Let them have wholesome, normal activities under supervision, so that they know how to interact with each other from an early age. let them date WITHOUT a shadchan, beause they have met each other in shul, in the park, at Shabbos groups, in COLLEGE at frum organizations. Let them go on Shabbatons where they can meet each other without so called “facilitators.” If they are involved in fun activities they will have fun. Fun is a good thing. It means you are having a good time. When did having a good time becomea thing to avoid at all costs? OK, I know many of you are shaking your heads from side to side, “What IS this woman THINKING?!!!!???” I am thinking that we did not have such a crisis when I was growing up, and I grew up in a frum home.

Nothing is as it seams. Just don’t hem and haw about it, because I don’t cotton to this type of humor. This whole thread has me in stitches.

There is a big difference between smoking and being overweight, though both can cause heart attacks. The smoker can physically damage innocent other people who do NOT smoke, while enjoying his habit. The overweight person, while certainly indulging in a dangerous practices, only PHYSICALLY harms himself/herself, though the family suffers emotionally if something happens to that person such as a stroke or heart attack. Actually, I am going to contradict myself here, as I have thought better of it. If a mother is overweight, there is a greater incidence of obesity in the children, as well, because she is generally preparing the meals and setting the nutritional tone in the household. So overweight actually can have a direct bearing on the physical well-being of others.

my late grandma used to say in her broken english,” you vant to lose veight, trow de scale out de vindow”! lol, i miss her “

Your Bubby sounded like mine, and yep, I sure do miss her, too!

I have never once had any Tefillah, large or small, answered in any satisfactory manner. It’s very disheartening, actually. “

Sam, you may be unaware of your tefilos being answered. Like any loving parent, sometimes our requests are answered with a “no.” I hate to sound trite, because you are obviously saddened and a little disillusioned by this, but the fact is Hashem is not our servant to command, or even our paid employee. He does what HE knows is best for us, and we don’t always recognize that fact right away. Sometimes not even for years. I have davened for certain things in my life, Hashem said no, and in retrospect, it was much better for me this way. But it took me many years to understand the negative ramifications had my bakashos been granted.

I hope you will be able to see the good in your life. You sound very unhappy, and I feel bad that at such a young age things feel so bleak to you. But you know what, many people in their teens and twenties feel that way, and get a different perspective as they get older.

Chocolate is a vegetable, isn’t it? I love avocado, feta cheese in a Greek salad, broiled or poached salmon, and of course, STEAK!

Yoya, why would you feel that way? Do you post frequently and get no response? Have you posted anything that requires a response? In any case, her I am, replying to you, and I hope you will stay. I was the new kid on the block only a couple of years ago. We all were new at one time. Hang in there.

I cannot agree with the advice to tell the husband that maybe he has a brain tumor and should see a doctor. Can you imagine the rage of an already abusive man, to be told maybe he has a mental illness caused by a physical imperfection? Such a man doesn’t want to be given an “out,” because he will never believe there is ANYTHING wrong with his behavior l’chatchilah. I would be interested in what the dynamic between HIS parents is like.

Based on the above, it should be transliterated Haftorah, because it is a ??? ???, which in correct Sephardi pronunciation is pronounced “oh.”

Nope, it is pronounced as aw as in “kawl Yisroel areivim zeh lazeh.” The other kamatz is pronounced as ah as in Yisrah-el.

Wolf, you actually said in a much better way, what I more or less thought as a child. No, you were not and are not an idiot. i think to this day many people forget that the word haftara is spelled with a Tes and not a Tov.

Always Runs – Honey, please listen to the seichel you are being given here. Your husband does not sound like the sweet man you think he sometimes is. He may be emotionally disturbed, he may have anger management issues, I really don’t care. HE HURT YOUR CHILDREN. The first time that happened, you should have grabbed them and gone ANYWHERE to go away. Your little one who was just injured by him could have had a concussion from being slammed into the wall. Personally, I don’t believe a Rov can help in this case. Your husband is an abuser, and unless you want your daughters to grow up to marry a man just like him, you need to make some really painful and tough decisions. Shalom Task Force CAN help you. Please don’t waste any more time in contacting them. I don’t care EVEN IF YOU PROVOKED HIM. There is no excuse for throwing a child into the wall EVER!!!!!!!!!

And btw, even if he goes for therapy, he has to demonstrate that he has really changed for good, before it is even shayach to think about being back with him. Most abusive men are always abusive. They don’t change, or they “change” until the next time something or someone ticks them off (and it does not take much). Do you want to end up in the hospital or worse – burying a child G-d forbid? It sounds like you could have come pretty close.

People have given you sound advice here. It takes courage to recognize you have to take a drastic first step, but if you don’t you will always regret it. Call Shalom Task Force. Now. Please.

Thanks allsgr8.

I’m explaining that he’s shimons son through dina”

This is difficult to accept in a literal sense. Gilui Arayos is one of the sheva mitzvos Bnei Noach also, not just a mitzvah for Jews. How can there be any explanation that makes it okay for a brother and sister to conceive a child together, i.e. Shaul? I cannot see how Shimon and Dina had a biological child together. What am I misunderstanding here?

Had I known that she knew, then I would not have said anything because then it’s none of my business. “

Though I cannot say 100% for sure what is right or wrong in this case, I will say that I believe that it is especially important when you know someone is fully aware she is doing something wrong, to be mekayeim the mitzvah of hocheach tochiach es amisecha. They might have charata when they see their aveira through someone else’s eyes. other people might feel that if you know they will do it anyway, maybe it’s better not to say something, but that really is only when they are a shogeig (better than being a meizid). This is a toughie.

How many total carbs per day are correct (within a guideline)? If this was already mentioned, I missed it. My last A1c was 5.5. and my doc was so happy he cut my medication to one pill. I have a feeling the next blood test might not be as good, even though I watch what I eat, because Chanukah and a couple of simchas later, I have eaten from more items that I had completely eliminated from my diet in the prior months (fried foods, anything with a white potato, most bread).

Not everyone is upfront with a shadchan about their reason for not going forward. They may want to spare embarrassment to the person they no longer wish to date, or they may themselves be embarrassed about their reasons (“I just am not attracted to him/her”), even though those reasons may be quite valid.

This takes a LOT of patience. But just remember this – no one healthy goes to his chuppah srill wearing diapers.

Maybe a first step would be to recognize that it is OK to date someone OTHER than the precise “perfect shidduch” that your seminary has convinced you to marry, without thinking that this means you are lowering your stqandards. Maybe those standards were unrealistic to begin with. Maybe the boys who meet those criteria are not great husband material. Maybe the idea is to not be closeminded to the possibility that our bashert is different from what we thought we wanted.

I spent most of my dating experience looking for a guy who could sing beautifully (I come from a family of chazzanim and we always sang together on Shabbos and Yom Tov). I also wanted a guy with great middos, and a beautiful neshama, who was making a great parnassah. I got the guy with the great middos and beautiful neshama, but I first spent too many years looking for the other things (that I did not get), and still found that the best guy for me was the tone deaf teacher whom I met when I allowed myself to be open to such a shidduch. And I wouldn’t trade him. Did I lower my standards? No, I raised my chances for happiness.

Kol Haposhtin Yad “

From what I am reading here, it sounds more like, Kol HaposhIN

Yad.

If the dog opens it and eats it, no harm done. “

Except for the poor guy who forgot his lunch.

This whole thread reminds me of a time when I was eating something in the cafeteria at College (an ice cream) and a friend of mine whom I had not seen in a while, though she was also a student there, came up to me, grabbed the ice cream out of my hand and flung it in the garbage, saying, “Don’t you know this is not kosher?” BUT – SHE was mistaken. She had not yet heard that the company had in the last two months gone under a hechsher.

Meanwhile, I was embarrassed, she made a scene, I was out the yummy ice cream, and she did not offer to pay for it (and I didn’t demand that she do so, as people already were staring). So what’s my point?? I think in the end, people do want to (quietly) be made aware that something they are getting is not kosher, but be VERY sure that you are right. And above all, never embarrass someone who is eating something you think is treif. You could be mistaken, too. I would go to the person and say, “Oh that looks delicious; I didn’t know they finally got a hechsher!” That gets the point across, and then it is up to the person to take the message or not.

I don’t think that someone who is a baal teshuvah for things that led him around the block, automatically is only “worthy” of marrying a girl who has herself been around that same block. Neither do I think that SHE does not deserve to make her fresh start with a boy who has always done the right thing. We all make mistakes in life, some more costly and more serious than others. But getting back on the right path and STAYING there, makes one worthy in Hashem’s eyes, so why not in your own? Don’t dismiss someone just because you want someone pristine. What if every girl looked at you the same way?

Sam 2. That is news to me (not being sarcastic). I was always taught (apparently erroneously)that a woman can refuse to accept a Get, that she cannot be divorced agaisnt her will, unless there is halachic cause i.e, she committed adultery.

Would you marry a woman who was divorced through a Heter Meah Rabbonim from 100 of your kollel guy friends with smicha, considering that your children from this marriage “

Ain’t no such animal, as far as I know. Women cannot get such a heter. Only a man can, and as was pointed out, typically if the wife is physically and/or mentally unable to accept a GET.In that case, if the wife recovers, SHE still needs a Get from him, I believe, even if he has remarried, because his heter is to take another wife, not to be considered as divorced from the former one. A woman therefore, is truly bound until freed either through divorce or death (preferably HIS).

I remember a close friend of mine who was an Agunah for over ten years. Her rabbonim finally made it known to the husband that on such and such a date they were going to convene the entire Kehillah to say Tehillim and daven for the wife to be kosher to marry a Kohein (, i.e., that he should drop dead). She had her Get within a week’s time.

If my husband is not home, I will not open my door. If the person is on the street, I will say, I am sorry, unless I have small enough change to give him something. It’s when they ask for a check that I get annoyed.