Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
It depends on what is causing the stones. Excessive calcium or Vitamin C (either in pill or overeating or drinking of citrus) are typical culprits, but you have to know which is the source. My husband had gravel, not even a full stone, and watching him suffering was like him watching me in labor. You feel helpless, not being able to alleviate the pain.
We are told that he cried because he saw with nevuah that she was not destined to be buried with him, and she would die young. As to the rest – I have always wondered about that since we learn out that the Avos kept TARYAG mitzvos, and Yaakov Avinu in particular stated, “Im Lavan garti, v’es TARYAG Mitzvos shamarti.”
I have never heard a really good answer to this question. Even the “it was not derech chiba” doesn’t really answer the question, ebcause there are many issurei nigiah that are clearly not derech chiba for those who are not shomer. Shaking hands is a very good example. Still assur.
You first noticed NOW that Obama has blown it? Where have you been for the last three years?
“I happen to have no information in this case, which is why I didn’t post anything. Except that I think one of my roshei yeshiva was talking about them once, and seemed to think they were way off the spectrum”
Re-read your first line. it is the most important thing you wrote. Your particular R”Y’s personal opinion is just that – his opinion, and he may think as he pleases. But that is not a reason for you to assume his opinion is correct, and “way off the spectrum” does not equate with Hellenism (though you did not call them that). They might march to the beat of a slightly different drummer, but they are nonetheless marching to a Torah beat.
They do seem to intellectualize quite a lot, but they certainly are unquestionably shomrei Torah u”mitzvos, from what I have observed. They do not typically dress in the Yeshivish style, but the women cover their hair, go to mikveh, and they all keep Shabbos and kashrus, send their kids to yeshivah, and support Torah learning as other frum Jews do.
Think what you will, no one has control over your thoughts. But IMO it is wrong for any of us to write such disparaging things on a publicly read forum, about people who are frum but different from you. And if any YBT talmidim read this column, I hope they answer these comments. Maybe their hashkafa is not 100% exactly the same as my hashkafa, but they are certainly within the confines of halachic observance.
Many girls ARE in effect “hostage” when they are waiting a long time for a response from the boy’s side. I know so many girls who strongly (and in my opinion wrongly) hold that it is wrong to make a date with someone who is ready to say yes, if the girl is still waiting to hear from someone else who was suggested before this, but who just did not get back to the shadchan yet (maybe because he has “lists” of girls). IMHO it is stupid and a waste of precious time, to fail to agree to meet someone else, just because the person you are trying to meet is taking his time (or whatever reason is holding up the works).
I know someone who missed out on a potentially great shidduch (yeah, yeah, if it were truly bashert, it would have happened anyway…blah, blah blah), because it was suggested while she was still waiting for a response on another shidduch. The other guy finally got back to her shadchan, the date unfortunately did not go well, and by the time she agreed to talk about the other boy (who would have gone out with her had she said yes instead of waiting for the first guy), he was busy with someone else, whom he eventually married.
As an extreme example, if you find an old minhag to put a fir tree in your living room on Channuka, and you decide to adopt that minhag because you want to fit in with your goyish neighbors, you are still doing something wrong- even if there is some basis. Because of your motivation.”
That would be because the fir tree has specifically come to symbolize the goyishe holiday. I would not color hardboiled eggs for Pesach, either. But making a Friday night oneg shabbos on the occasion of the birth of either a son OR daughter, does not seem to be commensurate with either of those things.
Whenever I think of any piercings, I am reminded of the eved nirtzah, who is looked upon negatively for refusing to be set free in the Shmitta yearand therby only be an eved Hashem instead of an eved adam.
My husband, who is the most tzniusdig man I know, ALWAYS opened and closed the car door (and regular doors) for me, and still does to this day.
” oomis- shiviim panim latorah “
You’re right about that!
There is no amount of alcohol that can be GUARANTEED not to cause problems in a pregnancy. Even if it is a “slight” chance, does anyone really want to take that chance? Ask the doctor if he will take achrayus if any of the effects listed by Health were to happen to his patient’s child, since he has said it’s ok.
When writing a good limerick
Here’s advice that I do hope will stick.
Keep up with the meter,
The words will sound sweeter;
And of compliments, you’ll have your pick.
I think if they commit the crime they should be treated as everyone else who commits the same crime is treated. That is to say, if a non-Jew is given community service and/or probation, so should a Jew (especially one who looks like a religious Jew). If the non-Jew is sent to prison, so should the Jew. Don’t do the crime.
Personally, I believe BOTH should be thrown in jail, depending on the crime, though I also believe in mitigating circumstances, and a non-violent offender should not be put into prison in a violent population. The reality is that we Yidden are held to a higher standard by the justice system, and Jews are typically punished FAR worse than non-Jews committing the same type of crime. Look at the Walkers and Jonathan Pollard.
I don’t say that the Jewish criminal should get off scot-free, but if two people Jew and non-Jew commit a bank fraud or medicaid fraud, their religious beliefs (or lack thereof) should not determine who gets a harsher punishment. They are both guilty. Yet, usually, the Jew will be treated more punitively.
I have heard that some people prefer not to for tznius reasons. We see this in the Torah when Yaakov would travel with his family, his wives would travel in the back and when Eisav would travel his wives would go before him. So, how could it be that Eisav respects his wives more than Yaakov? “
I always thought that was because Yaakov was protective of his wives, especially when he knew Eisav was around, whereas Eisav was a bulvan who put his own safety and comfort ahead of his concern for his wives’ safety.
If you listen to Simon and Garfunkel, Techincally it IS Jewish music…
I also thought the Shomrim were a group of Orthodox Jewish cops.
I know many people from YBT and they are fine, ehrliche Yidden – all of them learned, all of them earning parnassah mostly while learning in the mornings. While I do not personally subscribe to their particular hashkafa, to malign them on a public forum is despicable. HELLENISM???? Seriously?????
Since we do not know what you were wearing, it may have been only that woman’s subjective perception that it was not tzniusdig (i.e., a color she disapproves of). Only you know for certain if that is the case. In any case, the woman was totally out of line to make a comment to your friend (if she really was concerned about you she should have approached you discreetly herself). If you are working on your tznius, kol hakavod. That woman needs to work on her L”H problem.
And yet, it is a rare kehila or community indeed that bans pizza as minhag akum, or ‘past nisht”.
That’s because the pizza we eat is “pas-t Yisroel.” 🙂
Correct, although there may be a basis for “Chanukah Gelt”.
It is a reminder that the Chashmonaim made coins.
I heard the Parvarim. They were wonderful. As to listening to non-Jewish music, well you would have to never listen to Gershon Veroba’s Variations, Shlock Rock, the music that is typically played when a chosson and kallah come back from Yichud, or any song that is taught to Yeshivah kids in nursery school, etc. etc. because they are ALL based on secular music. Also, please do NOT shop in any mall or non-frum Jewish store at this time of year, even if the sales are incredible, because they are all playing
X-mas music now (mamesh worse than a typical secular song because they are about oso ha-ish and treifeneh beliefs). No drinking coffee in Dunkin’ Donuts, either.
Anything by ABBA is a classic. How on earth did I ever forget about THEM???? Not to mention, Simon and Garfunkle (nice Jewish boys).
Feif Un: and you were doing SO well….
Emunas, I am so sorry for your uncle’s petirah. May he be a meilitz yosher for you and all of klal Yisroel. The reason for this type of segula seems to be very fundamental. 40 women do the mitzvas nashim of hafrashas challah, with the thought in mind that the s’char mitzvah should accrue to the choleh,in the zechus of a refuah for him. It’s not a difficult concept. The number 40 has mystical overtones in Judaism – the Flood rained for 40 days and nights, B”Y wandered for 40 years in the Midbar, it was 40 days that Moshe R’ was on Har Sinai getting the Torah, 40 days before a baby is born (or is it after conception?) his/her zivug is called out by a Heavenly Voice, 40 days after conception a baby’s gender is determined and it is no longer considered as “mayim,” but as a fetus. So I guess that is why the number 40 has such a status in this case.
Firstly, there is the gemara that women drinking results in growing mustaches. “
Isn’t that supposed to be what happens when a woman drinks the HAVDALAH wine?
I think women who drink hard liquor (except for an occasional mixed cocktail like a pina colada, at a simcha, or a glass of wine) tend to look a little trashy and unrefined. I know it sounds very chauvinistic, but it’s how I feel. I don’t much care for guys who get drunk, either, but when a woman gets smashed it is SO much worse. I think the tznius aspect does become an issue. Drinking lowers our inhibitions.
The Friday night after my daughter was born, I had a nice party in my house. I served beer, chickpeas, cookies, cake, and other nosh. There were sodas for people who didn’t want alcohol. I got many mazal tovs from friends and neighbors and nobody had any issues with what I was doing. “
nice. 🙂
“Not only is “Cats in the Cradle” a great song, it’s a real mussar vort!”
I second that. It speaks to the importance of family relationships.
The theme from Titanic was beautiful and haunting, as was the theme to the movie “Somewhere in Time.” For regular music, I always was partial to John Denver and Jim Croce, both who ironically died in plane crashes. For Jewish music is has always been “The Rabbis Sons,” for me.
Simchat bat, I believe, was invented (or at least applied by those who don’t really have that minhag) for the wrong reasons.”
I have always subscribed to the belief that “metoch shelo lishma, ba lishma.” Perhaps SOME Jews do certain things for the wrong reasons. That does not mean the things they are doing are inherently bad, only that the motivation behind them MIGHT be. So you take those same actiona and imbue them with a sense of kedusha and hakoras hatov to the Aibishter, and it no longer has the taste of reform or reconstructionist, but becomes something that belongs to us as frum yidden.
Just because some minhag arises from a less frum source, does not mean that minhag is TREIF as has been said flat out here. Frei Jews also become spiritually inspired at times, and some of their ideas have merit, even if most do not. It is all in how we handle the idea and bring it to fruition that determines its worth. I think that making an oneg shabbos on the Friday night after the birth of a baby girl, is a lovely way to say brucha habaa. I wish I had thought of it when I had my babies. And though the boys may be having a bris, the girls are the bearers and rearers of the next generation of Yidden.
The tafkid of a child is to drive his/her parents crazy. Some are bigger chassidim to this than others.
“I denigrate them for creating ritual where chazal did not. I denigrate them for their accusations that chazal were backwards chauvinists.”
I don’t think an oneg Shabbos to welcome the birth of a baby girl is a ritual in the negative sense that you imply, but even if it were so, who says people have not created rituals that chazal did not? I do not believe Chazal were “backward chauvinists,” and no one should ever say such a thing, but there is nothing inherently wrong with this particular custom, any more than there is something inherently wrong in guys donning a Borsalino hat, white shirt, and black pants as part of their levush, a levush which clearly did not exist in times of Chazal. And if we want to talk about ritual that is “wrong” but not assur, what about boys eating cholent, clearly a Shabbos dish, on Thursday night? It has become a real ritual for many of them and since it is really meant for SHABBOS, it is so wrong for them to make it a Thursday night ritual.
We create little rituals in virtually every aspect of our lives (is there a halacha that one must drink a glesseleh schnapps on Shabbos by day, as so many men like to do – and feel “off” if they are somewhere where they cannot get the schnapps?). Some people throw pekelach at a bar-mitzvah bochur or chosson after his aliyah, we have the whole aufruf altogether and Shabbos Kallah. When did these things become halachos? (or am I mistaken and they are in fact halachos, in which case, please educate me). There are rituals and there are RITUALS. The little rituals are harmless and in fact more often, beneficial, in bringing people together. If there is no contradiction between the ritual and actual Halacha, then let’s not assume the reason for these rituals taking place is because it is a potch in panim to Chazal, chas v’chalilah, but rather merely a physical manifestation and expression of one’s emotions.
I did not make a simchas bas when any of my daughters was born. And I kinda regret that. It has nothing to do with feminism or chauvinism, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that my daughters ARE as important and precious to me as my sons. So we made a kiddush. It was weeks after the fact, when the emotions and excitement were different from the way we all felt that first few days after the baby was born. It’s kind of like when some parents have their chosson and kallah take pictures together BEFORE the chuppah (a practice which appalls me, but which I have seen in some very frum circles). Maybe the badeken is still exciting, but not nearly as exciting as it would have been when it was the first time the chosson and kallah were seeing each other again. Anyhow, that’s my feeling.
As someone else said, let us all just be zochim to MAKE lots of simchas.
Ask the hostess what she prefers, but absent that, at least MAKE the bed. If it is a hi-riser, take off the bedding, fold it neatly, and put the bed back together if you know how to do it. The idea is to be less of a tircha on the hosts, as well as to show hakoras hatov.
I had boys sleep over by me for a school Shabbaton (their rebbie who knew my husband asked us to put three boys up). Not only did they make an unbelievable mess both in their room and in my adjacent den, they invited at least five friends to come back to my house and made an unholy racket, jumping off our furniture while we were trying to sleep. I came down to see what the noise was and was shocked at what I saw. They were NOT supposed to be in our house at that time of day at ALL. These were bar-mitzvah age boys, btw. I couldn’t even say anything, because one of the boys is related through marriage to a close relative of mine, and it would be very awkward to tell them about his behavior. But I will think twice and three times before ever allowing such a sleepover again.
“the mother even said a bracha on the girl”
Maybe it was Baruch… Hatov v’HaMeitiv…
Find another shadchan if this one is too pushy and does not respect your decision.
Heimish Mom, your remarks, though well-intentioned I am sure, sound a little petty. What do YOU care if someone wants to mark the simcha of having a female child (and it is a PHENOMENAL simcha), by making a Friday night get-together? There is no halacha against this, because it was never an inyan of halacha. It is no more assur or “am haaratzus” than is making a birthday party for a 12 year old girl and calling it her Bas-Mitzvah celebration, though I am sure you have something to say on THAT subject, as well.
IF something assur is being done at this party, then it is a whole different ballgame. Assur is assur. But please allow those parents who may possibly never have a male child (or even if they do, they are overjoyed to have a healthy female child), the same simple joy of inviting people to their home to sit down, eat nosh, wish them mazel tov, etc. that the ones making a Sholom Zochor do.
So what if they will make a kiddush? It probably will not take place for a while, unlike the Sholom Zochor which is within a few days. And though they will eventually make a kiddush, the boy gets a S”Z AND a bris seudah. Let them enjoy their little baby girl however they want. It really doesn’t hurt you any. To call it something of the Reconstructionists and Reform, sounds not only judgmental but shows a lack of empathy for another person’s expression of simcha. I know plenty of very frum people who have made and attended these types of celebrations. If you do not want to do it or go to it, then by all means don’t. But please do not disparage people who do. They are doing absolutely nothing halachically, ethically, morally, socially or legally wrong. The worst thing I can say about it is it’s fattening. (And I take that under advisement ’cause I don’t believe you gain weight when you eat on Shabbos).
From what I was taught, there is nothing halachically assur for a woman to say kaddish. While it is not usual for her to do so, neither is she forbidden from doing so in a tzniusdig manner.
Kaddish for an aveil is the verbal affirmation of Hashem’s greatness at a time when people could potentially chalilah have a “tainah” to Him for taking away their loved one. It is just as important for a woman to accept Hashem’s decree, as it is for a man. And if it gives her nechoma to actively show her acceptance and also show kovod to her deceased love one and feel she is helping the iluy of the neshama, who are we to criticize, when it is within the parameters of the halacha?
Personally, I would prefer to have a male whom I know will faithfully attend the minyan every day saying Kaddish on my behalf, but I know a woman who faithfully came to shacharis every 6 AM weekday (and hashkama minyan on Shabbos)for 11 months after her mother died in order to say Kaddish, with the Rov’s haskamah. She was very makpid not to miss the davening (I believe she made mincha and maariv, too, but I cannot swear to it).
On a first date – no, in my opinion, but that’s because I like girls to look more formally put-together for a first meeting, though not too pitzy, either. But for other casual dates, why not?
The Yankees may be Darth Vader, but calling NYC Sodom is over the top… “
Especially when everyone knows it’s really Las Vegas…
As a side point, this Rabbi is not part of the Five Towns Vaad. “
He once was, and left. As soon as someone with clout says, “It’s kosher, but i don’t recommend it…” he might as well be saying it’s treif, because if he has followers, they will follow. And a businessman who may be a kosher, ehrliche Yid, is put out of business just like that. If a hechsher is reliable, it should be enough and no one should be allowed to be motzi shem ra on it.
oomis:You are way off!!! Zumba dancing is disgusting even only in front of women!!! There is a sensitivity lacking here!! Without that sensitivity you cant possibly understand what I am saying!! You either have it or you don’t!!This is a major problem in todays society!! “
A mamin, I sincerely hope you did not just tell me I am lacking in sensitivity. What you consider disgusting ain’t necessarily so. It is not being done in front of men, and if it were, then one might see a problem, as the moves are somewhat provocative. I have seen Zumba exercises, and they look like a lot of fun, and are very motivating to women to do them, as a result. Don’t get so excited. Maybe you object to women belly dancing in private, also.
Aries is 100% on the mark. If your husband, however, will not tell his friend to leave, then you HAVE to step in. Pick a day when it is OK for him to hang out and that is IT! Other than that, your husband can hang out with him occasionally, but not to the point that you are being neglected. It is NOT healthy for a single older guy to hang out with his friend and his friend’s WIFE all the time. I see SO many problems with this scenario, and I am usually the one who does not see anything wrong with socializing.
Zumba is exercise dancing. It is meant to be done in all-female groups. Hence the inyan of tznius is less problematic, unless you consider it to be untzniusdig for women to exercise to music, in which case, you are correct. Is it the fact that they enjoy it a problem?
First get all the letters you can, including one that states that for religious reasons you are never on the road after noon on Fridays. Have you Rov sign this and get it notarized. Call the number listed and try to speak to someone about this. If you are in school full time you cannot be compelled to miss school. You might get a postponement, though, rather than a dismissal. get a letter from the school as well.
I was called to jury duty one winter in a locale about 40 minutes from my house in good traffic, but typically more like an hour or hour and a quarter. I would not take such a chance on Fridays, as dismissal was at 3PM. I produced both that religious letter and a letter from my doctor truthfully stating a physical condition that I have that would make sitting for long periods of time in one place very problematic for me. I was excused.
get to a good gastro doc, examine your diet (you could be allergic to something that is causing this, or lactose intolerant, even have celiac disease). In any event, this is NOT a trivial thing. It can get seriously worse, chas v’sholom, and you want to address the issue now. Hatzlacha rabba.
We have both aspects in us our Yetzarim, but I do believe some people are more pre-disposed to do evil than others. You can have a family of chessed doers, and one child in the group is mean-spirited. It is the nature of a person to be caring or indifferent. So yes, that could mean people are born a certain way. BNut we alsways have to strive to be misgabeir over our bad traits and pump up the good ones.
Hashem gave us both. I don’t see a problem. The more I have read about scientific discoveries, the more awestruck I am by how incredible Hashem’s world was created by Him.
In Hebrew there is no such thing as true nivul peh. The only “dirty” words spoken in E”Y are actually either Arabic or some other language. Loshon Kodesh is truly kodesh.
(I’m new to the CR. Am I annoying you with my questions, sg? Please be mochel me if that is the case.) “
Chas v’sholom. We were all new to the CR at one time or another. And some of us are STILL annoying to everyone. 😉
Oomis: You’re not serious?!! Even in my Yeshiva days I couldnt sleep for 3 weeks solid. Wow! (Welcome back BTW). “
I was gone??????? (Thanks anyway, SG)
I must have been sleeping. What happened here?
It seems apparent that the mother needs to be earning additional family income. The kids seem to be doing well, they are evidently old enough to pitch in with the home chores including cooking, and it would not hurt for them to have part-time jobs and kick in with household funds, too.
The mother may prefer to stay at home and be there for her kids -I totally get that (and feel the same way), but clearly this derech is not working for them financially. Perhaps she can get an evening job for a few hours, if not full time by day, when her husband is already home and can be there for the kids as she has been. I have been there, and I know it is not easy.