Forum Replies Created
ari-free makes a good point.
It’s so important for us to explain to our kids WHY we keep the mitzvos and talk about our relationship with Hashem. Emunah is key. It’s important for our kids to feel it in their hearts, not just go through the motions. Not just how, but WHY. Why does Hashem love us, etc.
I also can’t understate the importance of filters on cell phones, and better yet, don’t buy them a smart phone but rather a simple cell phone without data.
I work in health care & have worked in Psychiatry.
Yes, there are children who have ADHD & need medication. However, ADHD is vastly overdiagnosed, and many children are started on stimulant medications that they do not need.
There are other things you have to look for. If a child is not getting enough sleep (should be 10 hours for a younger child), they will have symptoms that are identical to ADHD & hard even for psychiatrists (who don’t have the time!) to distinguish from actual ADHD. Electronics use in children also causes many of these symptoms.
I suggest waiting and seeing if behavioral approaches work before rushing to put the child on medication.
When my brother was 7, the school wanted him on medication & my parents said no. The school had to find another way to manage his behavior. Which they did, and after a few years, he was doing just fine & learning well.
You don’t have to stop learning once you get married
I love Trump
Really hope he wins
love Central Park. I always feel completely at peace there
“It is mind boggling to me how completely devoid of historical knowledge Liberal Jews seem to be.
the Jewish people have thousands of years of experience in exile. We have been kicked out of one country after another. for the last couple of hundred years we have been fortunate enough to find refuge and prosperity in this “Medinah shel Chesed”
@Ben Levi: You are right.
Liberal Jews have unfortunately been pulled apart from the Torah, and most have zero knowledge of their religion. They are in desperate need of kiruv. They need at least to have some exposure to Judaism.
“The second those freedoms are compromised.
We are all in danger.
We are a minute minority.
Do you really think that Liberals will stand up and defend our right to teach Chumash the way we wish?
Do you really think they do not find ideas in the Torah to be contrary to their belief system?
Do you really think the heads of the BLM movement who have expressed their intent to destroy the nuclear family to respect out family way of life?
The only thing that differentiates the USA from most of the Arab world where a Jew cannot live.”
Absolutely. Liberals (mostly non Jews) are haters of religion in general, they feel that our way of life is wrong. They would LOVE to outlaw our religious freedoms. In fact, they are everywhere fighting to remove religious freedoms. They even have a problem with the 10 Commandments being posted in schools. They attack the institution of marriage, child-bearing, and normal families. They view all religions as “oppressive”. They are haters of Hashem. They love to publish hate speech about observant Jews.
You’re right, we need to fight to protect all freedoms of expression and freedoms of religion because these anarchist mobs will easily outlaw our way of life and then we can no longer worship freely.
“What is worse; giving a bochur unfiltered internet, or giving him filtered internet that he will get around easily without you ever knowing about it?”
This makes me sad to even hear this. I hope these are rare cases. I feel sorry for these bochurim. They are substituting internet addiction for the true, everlasting happiness that comes from marriage with a beautiful wife.
@commonsaychel: Because when people in the frum community say something unkind to a BT or to Ger, or make them feel uncomfortable enough to leave the community, then this person harbors ill will, starts spreading lashon hara about the frum community. Bad press leads to diminished clout.
I think we all have to look at ourselves, as well as others in the community, and see how they treat people. Sometimes kids ask questions in school, they are made to feel bad for asking questions, they go OTD and spread lashon hara abuot the community.
I think treating everyone with kindness is key.
Second point—Obviously the more of us there are, the more clout we have. More numbers= more clout. More kiruv is needed to expand numbers (and retain people, retaining is so important)
hot dogs taste good in cholent, ive had it before
It’s worth a shot
Hatzlacha!July 10, 2020 2:39 pm at 2:39 pm in reply to: H-a-s-h-e-m H-e-l-p M-e F-i-n-d A S-h-i-d-d-u-c-h-!-! #1881193
“You do not need a shidduch you need a husband. Try this:
Make a list of what you think is your ideal shidduch. Put it aside. 48 hours later make a list of what you want in a husband and would be father of your children (ken yirbu). Then compare the two. It’s your perspective that is important in getting married.”
That is great advice. I think it does help to think of what you would want in a husband and father of your children.
For both girls and boys: the earlier you start dating, the better. There’s really no way around this. It’s not the fault of “the system”. I find it annoying when people start blaming “the system” for their lack of success. Biologically, the younger you are, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex. It’s how Hashem made us. We are meant to marry early. Hashem is in charge of the world. Not us. Stop trying to fight it. There is a reason it is the way it is. If Hashem wanted us to marry when we are old, then he would have had us age in reverse.
Start early and you won’t regret it.
jdf007: ” “The rest of the Jewish world has no clout either. I think about this, especially as today as my former secular university is going to give a humanitarian award to a very outspoken anti-semite. Why should it be just the frum world, why not all Jews???
I think it’s because in 3 or so generations, there’s no one to transmit values, culture or “religion” to them anymore. It’s one thing to have a parent or grandparent from the old country. But someone who is 15 or 30 today, who doesn’t go to Chabad and keeps to theirself?
I heard a Rabbi say that if all of this was lost in just 2 generations, imagine how easy it would be to get it back in 2!” ”
You’re right. The secular Jews lose all their “Jewishness” whether religion, culture, nationality, any attachment within 2 generations, because there’s no one to transmit values, culture or religion to them anymore. They are Jews too, like us, and sadly they are just completely lost without Torah, Hashem, or any values. They look for “meaning” in life and look for a place to belong. Many are scared to look to their own religion. They look at the goyim and other crazy religions. They join other crazy religions. They join “causes” like BLM, or other leftist factions in order to feel like they belong somewhere.
This is why kiruv is so, so important. And not just bringing Jews in, but keeping them happy in our communities. We need to make an effort to be especially kind to BT, children of BT, grandchildren of BT. Don’t talk about the fact that “someone’s parents are BT” forget it, who cares. We need to be especially kind to gerim and children of gerim, etc. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable. Don’t say things that might hurt their feelings. Because it leads to people leaving the community, hating the community, and spreading ill will about the community. They then write books, TV shows, movies about it and it is not good for any of us.
we need to vote in greater numbers to havre more clout
As a young mother with young children, I am extremely worried about the cultural rot and degradation of Western civilization that is occurring in the US. I am scared for my children. I daven to Hashem to make this craziness stop, make the country go back to normal.
I am scared for my children. The biggest danger is the Internet. There is so much garbage on the Internet, horrible things that corrupt and destroy young minds. Horrible lies all over. Anyone can write anything on the internet. Not only convincing people to go OTD, but convincing people to commit sins, to become criminals and drug users. The Internet is full of lies that pollute the young. Even if they go to good Jewish schools, who are their friends? As parents, we have to watch them closely. The children who go to public schools are basically being brainwashed by leftists who convince them that sins are good and moral degradation is good.
Right now, they are too young but I plan to keep them off the Internet for as long as possible, ideally until 16 years old or older, and even then, with limited and filtered use. There are applications that allow parents to see everything their child sees on the internet, which I plan to use. But I will keep them from having a smart phone, and off the internet completely until 16. They can have a simple phone without any internet.
“Some great advice here, some not so great. If a woman allows the man to ask all the questions and lead the conversation, she will come off as uninterested. Some boys don’t know how to make conversation. It’s up to you to keep it going.”
As a married Jewish woman who dated A LOT for several years before finding my zivug, I found that when I changed my approach, I was much more successful in dating.
Look, a lot of girls talk way too much on dates. It is unpleasant for the boy. Of course, we should show some interest, but you don’t want to show too much interest either. It looks too eager, too desperate. It is unappealing. This is the hard truth. It doesn’t sound nice, but it is the way it is. If you are interested, communicate that to the shadchan. On the date, its good to let the boy talk about himself, let him ask you questions. Let him become interested in you. Let him lead the date. If you are quiet, he will think you are quiet, he won’t think you’re not interested.
While I was dating, I read a good dating book written by Jewish ladies (I know I can’t say the name of the actual book here) but it’s a book on how to date to get married. It helped me a lot, I changed how I behaved on dates, and found my zivug, happily married for years.
The Democratic Party are becoming fascists. They are removing anything that they disagree with. Anything that doesn’t fit their agenda. “Anti-Fa” supposedly anti-fascist, is actually fascist. It’s fascist vs fascist.
In the past few weeks, they have destroyed countless people, their lives and their livlihoods. They got rid of Gone with the Wind.
Next, they will burn books. They will burn films. Just as the Nazis burned Jewish books, the Democrats will burn the books of so-called “racists”.
The problem is that currently, its hard to find actual racists, so they attack people who have committed some minor offense 20 years ago.
As a Jew, I wholeheartedly love all Jews, whether they are frummer than me or less frummer than me, whether they have different political opinions than me, if they are a Jew of color, doesn’t matter. We should all love our fellow Jews.
I’m an enthusiastic Trump supporter, and will vote for Trump this year. I’m registered Independent so I can vote in either primary.
I think it actually makes sense for us to elect frum Democratic candidates, particularly in Democratic districts. How did the horrible Ilhan Omar and horrible Rashida Tlaib get elected without any experience? They ran unopposed, in districts that are completely Democrat. The Democratic party wanted to showcase “Diversity” by electing Muslim females, regardless of who they were and whether they were qualified for the job.
We need more frum Jews in Congress. We need to run them in areas where they can easily win, unopposed. Especially in the Democrat party, because we need to shift them away from their ridiculous Progressive nonsense.
smaller but at least its much cheaper!
You will find your bashert, trust in Hashem. Don’t be discouraged, take it one day at a time and focus now on Shidduchim.
1) You are 26. The older you get, the more difficult it will be to find your bashert. The younger you are, the best chances you have. Right now, forget all the other things going on in your life, and focus on your goal. Shidduchim. This is the time.
What age did you start Shidduchim? 18 is a good age to start.
2) Focus on your appearance right now.
When you go on dates, put effort into your appearance.
3) Expand your network, as mentioned above. Add BTs, geirim, older, out of towners, etc. Be open-minded.
4) Do you talk too much on dates and dominate the conversation?
I’m a woman. Sometimes we talk too much. We don’t let the gentleman talk. On dates, make sure you are not talking too much. Don’t interrupt. Let him talk about himself. Don’t Lead the Conversation. Let your date lead the conversation. This advice goes to all girls. This is so important. Let him ask questions about you. Dont ask (as many) questions yourself. Don’t appear too Eager or too Desperate. Let him lead the conversation. Let him show interest. Be quiet, be demure. Wait until the 3rd date to open up a bit, but still not overly too much. Keep it together.
5) Don’t complain or be negative on dates. That’s not fun for anyone. Don’t talk about your personal problems. This goes for both boys and girls.
***most importantly, daven to Hashem. Pour your heart out to him. Ask for help. Daven for a shidduch. Ask people to daven on your behalf. You will be a kallah, you will be an imma. Trust in Hashem.
Social distancing outdoors dates now
This corona is going to Be here a long time, doesn’t make sense to stop dating and wait forever
@BenTorah, if you are doing online dating, please don’t disclose your medication and medical issues on your online profile. That kind of information should not be there. It’s going to scare potential girls away.
If you are going to disclose, wait until you’ve at least been in a couple of dates, so the girl can get to know you and see that you’re a normal guy, then disclose. My 2 centsMay 5, 2020 3:12 pm at 3:12 pm in reply to: Set up a system to give the Chosson & Kallah a present. #1857317
Personally, I feel that the whole idea of delaying marriage until you’re “ready” or “feel ready” or “done with education” or have “enough” money (how much is enough exactly?) is the influence of goyisher culture creeping into ours. It’s best to marry as early as possible, for many reasons.
1) The younger you are, the easier to make a shidduch
2) Easier to have children, less fertility related issues which occur with age, and start to increase especially after age 25.
3) You have more energy for raising young children when you are younger. And if you start having children when young, then have more when you’re older, the older children help out with the younger ones.
4) Shalom Bayis. When you are younger, you can more easily change your habits to make a marriage work easier. I’m talking about the little things/habits that can annoy a spouse. The older you get, the more you become set in your ways, and harder to accomodate the differences with your spouse. Easier for a younger couple who grow together.
5) Research shows that those who marry younger are happier
Weddings in Gaza have increased 60% since March. When the coronavirus restrictions closed wedding halls, people took advantage of the opportunity to have smaller weddings at home and save money. People who had been planning to marry this summer in wedding halls moved their wedding date sooner, to do it now, so they could save money. Quite frankly, it is upsetting that the terrorists are going to have a big population boom.
Frum Yidden should look at the Simcha Initiative, think about how meaningful it would be to have a smaller, simpler simcha, and also not put your family in debt.
For many years now, the lab workers at the Wuhan Laboratory have been taking the experimental animals from the lab (the animals who are sick, etc because they are being used for experiments), and they have been selling those animals as food at the wet market to make extra money.
There’s a major lack of oversight at Chinese labs, factories and all over China which is why their products are cheap and basically garbage. So these lab workers are easily able to smuggle the lab animals out and sell them as food.
@OP: don’t put off shidduchim! Try dating sites and video chat dates
@ovadiayosefrocks: Should not delay a wedding. You do a small chuppah now, with immediate family. Minyan consists of immediate families of the chosson and kallah (fathers, brothers). Wear masks. Then in 2 years when this is hopefully over, you do a bigger celebration.
I would look into Project Makom. They have helped many frum Jews who have gone OTD to come back.
sorry to hear about this
some who go OTD do come back
I’m seeing patients first hand. This is extremely dangerous. Please take this seriously. Stay at home. Don’t touch anyone. Don’t go anywhere. Too many dying. It is heartbreaking.
Also I should remind everyone that there are plenty of anti-viral drugs to treat influenza (flu), like Tamiflu and Xofluza.
There is nothing currently to treat this new virus. And it may be a long time before any treatment is available.
I’m a physician.
Coronavirus is 30 times more deadly than the flu. We are getting reports of increased risks to young people as well. Mortality is increasing.
The only way to stop this is to stay at home. Stay at home. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t touch anyone.
Akuperma: COVID 19 is 30 times more deadly than the flu. Now that many more people are sick, we are seeing increased numbers of young people very, very ill on ventilators, and some of them dying. The ones who don’t die have permanent lung damage. COVID 19 is much more dangerous than you think.
If you daven with a minyan, you need to keep a 6 foot distance between you and others, and dont touch anyone. Clean surfaces with disinfectant. This virus is very deadly and dangerous. We must take it seriously. Now.
Fancy invitations are not needed. Good opportunity to teach prohibition against coveting other people’s possessions.
KlugerYid: I couldnt agree more.
The difference between Trump and a Democrat like Sanders is that the Democrats are trying to change society into a morally depraved society in which Noahide laws arent followed, sodomy is encouraged and abortion is encouraged. these people want to teach children that sodomy is a good thing, they want to promote it. California even passed some kind of meshugah law in which they start teaching kindergarten children in public schools about “transgender”. I know we don’t send our children to public schools, but do we really want all children in society to be taught about this kind of garbage in schools? is that the kind of society we want? Trump may be morally terrible himself as a person, but he actually supports laws that make society a better place for everyone. Which is whats good for yidden and for everyone else as well.
Am a pediatrician.
ADHD is significantly overdiagnosed. Many children who don’t need medications are medicated. Schools pressure parents, parents pressure doctors. Doctors will prescribe if they are pressured.
Yes there are children with actual ADHD who need the medication. But ADHD is often diagnosed in children who don’t have it. There can be something else going on. For example, sleep deprivation. Children need 10 hours sleep a night. If a child isn’t sleeping enough, their symptoms will look exactly like ADHD.
Letting kids run and work off extra energy in between lessons is helpful. Talk to the teachers to see if they will allow the child to run a lap/jump up and down after sitting for an hour. Stimulants are harmful, they are addictive, they do have side effects. They are often abused. They are in the same drug category as cocaine and methamphetamine.
i think buttigieg is the weakest because hes got no chance of winning against trumpFebruary 11, 2020 3:35 pm at 3:35 pm in reply to: Why hasn’t the frumvelt embraced democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang #1830849
I am voting for Trump
However, Amy Klobuchar is the best for the Jews, out of the Democratic candidates. she is the most pro Israel. She is opposed to BDS. She wants to keep US embassy in YerushalayimFebruary 11, 2020 2:14 pm at 2:14 pm in reply to: Why hasn’t the frumvelt embraced democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang #1830817
Yang recently said “all Palestinians should have the right to return”
We can’t support himFebruary 10, 2020 10:44 pm at 10:44 pm in reply to: Why hasn’t the frumvelt embraced democratic presidential candidate Andrew Yang #1830678
Amy Klobuchar is the best for the Jews, out of the Democratic candidates
I keep the plastic bags and reuse them to throw away baby’s poopy diapers
They sell fancy “diaper genie” bags but thats a waste of money, i just reuse the plastic bags from the store
Boys are mature enough at 21. Really 21 is the oldest age, the proper age is 18-21 for shidduchim.
What magically makes them so much more mature at 23? Is there something magical happening in those 2 years? I think parents are holding back their sons from marriage which is not a good thing.
@ChesterfieldIsGeshmake: yes you can vote, as long as you are a US citizen, no matter where you are living.
@LanderTalmid: Yes each vote does really count! The last election 5 years ago, the frum community was over-represented so we had good voter participation. Lets make it happen again!
I voted Eretz HaKodesh but as stated above, there are several frum parties running in election
<<I am claiming that the current shidduch system is heavily stacked in the boys favor, with boys having tens of resumes to choose from while most girls are lucky to have 1 or 2. I have not seen any evidence that it is because of a numbers problem.>>
bk613, the reason it is heavily stacked in the boys favor is BECAUSE of the age gap. it absolutely is a numbers problem. if the boys dated earlier, this would solve the problem.
Even if my children are the only ones in class without a smart phone, thats fine. They can bother me all they want, they know I am a strict mother and I don’t budge. I will buy them a phone when they are 14/15, but it will be a phone that can call/text only, no internet. As a mother, my job is to protect them, teach them to follow halakha, do mitzvos…not to be their buddy or friend.
can learn in kollel while being married
I do not plan on letting my children use IPads or Iphones or any kind of “smart phone” device until they are 18. If you put filters, they WILL get around them.
Smart phones and internet are very dangerous for children. I am a pediatrician. I have seen what these devices do to children. I’m not just talking about yiddishe kinder, but all children. Smart phone use is directly linked with increased rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide in children. Not to mention increased risk of going OTD. The prefrontal cortex is not developed until early 20’s, and this is the part of the brain that Hashem made for judgement and making good decisions. Adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. Teens process information with the amygdala which is the emotional part. The CEO’s at Google and facebook do not let their own children use these devices.
I plan on giving my children simple phones that can make phone calls and text messages. No internet. The dangers are too great.
” In the first place, the mitzvah of p’ru u’r’vu is the first mitzvah in the Torah, which gives it a chashivus unlike any other mitzvah. Delaying any chiuv is a very serious matter and one needs a very good reason to do so, even more so with the Torah’s very first chiuv. Further, in the Mishnah, the age for marriage is 18. Nothing in nature has changed so much since then that it’s no longer applicable. Lastly, in delaying marriages, we run the risk of delaying the growth and responsibility of our children. ”
100% agree with youJanuary 24, 2020 8:53 am at 8:53 am in reply to: Why does Biden get a pass Or ”the donkey in the room ” #1825625
I am voting for Trump
however, I am just curious—-which of the Democratic nominees is best for Israel?