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I did not get a chance to read even half the posts- but I will say this- my dating life totally STINKS!!!
My friends know- when I get back, either I’ll be on the verge of tears, totally confused…etc…and i always have a story. I try to make it funny, cuz why sit n mope about it…but I have this “LIST” where I nickname everyone:
(heres a few)
Guy #*: Talked-waay-too-much-about-money-and-how- his-mothers-a size-zero.
Guy #*- STOOD ME UP
(and if you would know me ( a shout out to ECLIPS and my other friends on YWCR) you’d know im not some strange unappealing girl-bh
Guy #*- walked in with shaven zero head, krazeldike payos, pants ABOVE his belly- THE WORKS (aprntly this blind date WENT TOTALLY SOUTH- long long story)
Guy #*- Roller-Coaster Dating (DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA)
Guy #*- Definitly Clinically and Certifiably Assbergers/Autistic
Guy #* Mista Grumpy
Guy #*- Snubbed me the entire date
Guy #8- SAT IN THE CAR for 3 HOURS!!!!
Guy #*- Felt like I was dating my little brother
Guy #*- Talked way too much about money+ me (himself)+ money+ me+money money…..
yes, there were some really good/normal guys ….but each one has their own INSANE story….
and still looking for mister right…
I have been around HerbaLife, went to meetings. I would say like this- the people that are selling it to you are only there to make business, not to help you. (first hand knowlage)
But its the kind of “diet” that you have to stay on for life- dont get me wrong, it REALLY works, you lookse weight, people seriously have REMARKABLE results- health issues go away, im not kiddin gou; i saw this FIRST hand- IT WORKS!
BUT- its expensive and you end up living on shakes, pills, diet supplaments, health bars, and like one meal a day FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE- IF YOU WANT TO STAY THAT WAY!!
Would I reccomend it to others, maybe. For myself, no.
Im enjoying this post immensely
AttL HaLeivi, AYC, Shev143,Mormat,WTRUTA, YW42 (LOL), IUseBrains, & SMCookie- AGREED!!!!
I would say, practically wise- get busy, work on a good/exciting project…and dont get bored..too much time on your hands makes your brain and eyes wander…yup!! GET BUSY!! Cuz its not realistic or logical to walk around with blindfolds or walking down and into trees and poles!!
Of course- I AGREE with you 10000% percent!!!
Im speaking as a girl in the shidduch world and setting people up- i cannot agree with you more.
I have spoken to many people, saw and heard way too many incidents that i agree that one who is dating should either/have a a) an older. experinced, and intelligent indiviual to guide them
b) a RAV!!!! DAAS TORAH is SO SO important!!
c) If one needs to seek help. guidance/ mentoring/life- dating coach- SO BE IT!! there is NOTHING wrong with having a professional guidance. People get defensive when you say the word- thereapy/ psychologist..etc…the above terms used I think is appropriate and a less “needy” feeling- which in all honesty there is nothing wrong.
So yes, getting yourself the people you need to aquire the proper tools and guidance is very commendable and should be taken to use!
Good Luck!!
wanderinchana- I understand what your saying but is this in a case where the sister has found her bashert and is engaged?
NOT CRAZY!!
Its very interesting your saying that because not too long ago I was really inspired by my great great aunt (kh- may she be healthy! Shes in her high 80’s and is GOING BACK 2 SCHOOL!!! FOR REAL!!!
So, for goin back at 30 is not bad @ all its pretty awesome!!
As long as you have your prioties set, and you manage to juggle both life and college without affecting the people around you- then KOl Hakavod- Im cheering you on!! Go for it!!
And GOOD LUCK!!!
I personally think having some greys is a very distinguished look- i wouldnt say it look bad. I guess I’m bias because my mothers family all grey early, so im used to the beautiful silvery look @ age 30… and you said your not balding…so bh for that…my whole dads side balds..so yea…im wondering what my heads gonna lean towrd- HOPE NOT BOTH!!:)lol
Chances are depending on how many grey hairs you have you’ll double the amount in five to seven years.
I had a very similar issue- my older sister did not allow me to go when shidduchim were coming up for me…i asked a rav and he really guided me the right way. You should definitly ask a Rav/Chacham.
(to end off, bh my sister is marreid bh and there never issue of the younger one getting married before the older)
Thanks KIsh Echad BLev Echad & pumper!!
No, It is NOT ok to be friends witht he opposite gender.
Im saying this from a “yeshivish” BY point of veiw, the “modern” accepted way, and even shidduchim scene wise- it DOES not make it ok- I have many friends that do hang/are friends (“plutonic”) with the other gender and it NEVER ends well- and is not something I would condone.
Im not here to tell anyone what to do but thats my strong opinion.
Last year I was a shiur counselor in a more “open-minded” girls camp where the girls did hang out with guys and honestly did not know much of the halachot of shomer negia/yichud etc…but there was a mashal I told them that can VERY much be applicable here.
Your in a the park, and you want to go on the water ride. So, you go up to the top and your going down the slide but in your head you decided- im just going on the ride but im not going to fall into the big pool at the end of the ride. So, what do you do- how do you stop yourself while your sliding downstream?
So the girls gave answers-
“you hold on to the side of the slide and try to get yourself up and off the ride”
so I asked them “What are the chances of you not making it to the top and falling down into the water?”
they answered “theres a 98% chance you will fall in.”
So I explained- you want to go out with boys- its fun, you have a great time- just like the water ride..but you say to yourself; dont worry- im going to be careful I’m not going to do things I shouldnt (ex: not being shomer) and I’ll be ok; were just friends.
But the chances of that happening are usually 98%! 98%- and are you willing to take that chance- that 2% chance of doing something you could have avoided all togteher…and so on…Even in our “big” mature adult world- WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL and we have to set gedarim; it doesnt mean you cant say “hello” “good-Bye” and be menshlach- but it doesnt mean you have to be friends either- Is it really a risk worth taking?
1- MY BASHERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2- Moshiach
3- And all u CR posters (Mod 80
popa_bar_abba
Pashuteh Yid
apushutayid
The Wolf
The Goq
Shticky Guy
charlie brown
bpt
Health
Eclips
Adorbale
Mod 80……………..all u guys)
Sometimes embarrassing stories make me laugh….but be careful with what you choose 2 say….some guys I’ve gone out thought I wouldnt get grossed out by vomit/bathroom stories…and I did…yea, s’dont use that..but definitly funny dorm/camp stories work!!
mike- agreed
This should be fun!!!
Stuttering sahoul be the least of your problems, i think we all can agree that we know at least 5 people who stutter and we come to love the person just the same or it just becomes unnoticed after a while…i think a few close people in my life stutter and i dont even realize it, sometimes people are like- hey, doesnt that peson stuter- (eyes rasied/confused look ) what? seriously, i dont think so, even if they did i dont notice it!
I remember a lot of my chilhood, actually…
but I was ona dat enot long ago where the guy LITERALLY rememberd EVRYTHING from just a couple months old…I quote “i remember my grandmas perfume and how my mom would mush chicken and apple sauce togther and i didnt like it…till this day i cant touch either” and the memories went on and on…and on…lol
I see nothing at all wrong with it- AT ALL!!
Its a beautiful, interesting, effective, a KOSHER SOCIAL NETWORK, and healthy!
LOL
i dont wnt to gove away my secrets…i have lots of really cool and original ideas…i guess im saving them for when i make my own….but one thingh i will tell u…look around by weddings and pick up ideas..bring it 2 the next level…me and my frends have been making provate jokes kind of jokes with th ekallah that she liked…but go online..pick up ideas…there r sooo many
mewho- its ok, i was being sarcastic…im not insulted in the least bit! srsly!! i just found it hilarious!!
mwwho and am yisroel chai- STOP MAKING FUN OF ME..waaa…lol..im srs…i may wear red nail polish but it x mean its from my nose!!
Health- can you tell me more
poppa/bpt- and all u other posters- good ones!!
How about
are all his/her teeth real?
It that her real hair/eye color?
does he/she sleep with socks/tights.or chailia booby socks under his/her pajamas/nightgown?
his.her swimming attire?
Does he/she swim?
u can ask a lotta dumb questions if you really want….but thqe question we all have to be asking ourselves is, is this what were getting married for? Stcking dishes? How much money he has in the bank? What gas he uses…
Middot, Derech eretz, kavod habriot, consistancy, loyalty, trustworthy, sensative…thats what counts- and u all know it!!:)
I agree with all of you that these should be hung on the shuls ect..NOT IN A PUBLIC AREA…do whatever you want in Monroe or New Square…its just inappropraie to be posting these signs in BP…or anywhere else for that matter!!
Thank You Health- i have been having nose bleeds since im a kid…very frequent ones…i was asking my doctor about having the procedure done..i was just concerned if there were any dangers in doing so..like if there is an underlying reason for why they keep occuring or if its becuase “an open blood vessel in the nostril”…
Love keeping to what I’m used to but also love trying new things!! Keeps life exciting!!
Thank u 123bubby and The Goq!!
Im a teen for 24 more days…i gotta live up this thread!!!!
Unoversal Statement: The World (and the Jewish one) are all a bunch of busy/nosy bodies..i call them “Creepy Peepers”!!
And what can we do about it? Nothing. We cant change the way people act…we can change the way we act thereby others seeing that change and following it!:)
Good luck Goq!
Little Sally Saucer
kapusta-when the number ends in teen…do you qualify?!?!?!
Im gonna havta change my RedNails19 soon to 20…so i guess im considered a teen in the YCR!!
@ ItsJustMyOpinion- LOLOLOL!
And to all thise saying this is ANOTHER one of those bashing threads…all i can say is..i;ve been there, doen that..seen it..and i think people should be aware…general lesson: dress, act and smell like a mentch!!
A
And can i add
6. Mr. Foggy Glasses
7. Mr. Picky His Nosey and/or Ears- IN Public
8. Mr. Uptight (keeps top button with tie securely closed hat and suit on through an entire date)
9. Mr. Kvetchkup
10. Mr. Shvitzer
11. Mrs. Slobby Eater
12. Mr. Burpy and Gassy
13. Mr. Food-Stuck-In-His-Teeth
14. Mr. Wearing- Waaaay- Too-Much-Colone
15. Mr. Black Beutiful Rings Around His Nails
16. Mr. I- Had-Like-Six-Packs-Of-Cigarretes-Today-Hava-Sniff
….
mw13-“Does TRUTH always reveal itself DURING the lifetime of the person ruined by falsehood?”
….I’d say the answer is no.
– on that point I do agree, because sometimes after a person’s passing does the truth come out as hard as that is to accept.
But other than, what I can say is that at the end of the day the truth does come out…it may not be today, tommorrow or in years…but some of the truth WILL definitly come out clearing the person being wronged! I believe Hashem would not allow someone to suffer so long (in a place where he was wronged) without some kind of amazing tunrabout that people realize how foolish they were not to see the truth and be blinded by sheker.
Every person has their time- if your sitting in the dark now- its only gonna be so much brighter soon..and your soon is gonna come!!
2- On- “Can a person daven profusely for a yeshuah,and simply not merit it? …,but a general tefilah for a general lightening of one’s burdens–can those tefilos possibly not “help” him if his neshama still needs to suffer more?
i dont have a sourse but on my life’s experincesand knowing many people suffering’s- i can say that asking Hashem to “lighten” or “give me strength to deal with it” or what ever it is you want to ask to make things easier- i say IT DOES help…even the tefilla gives on strenth and hope…if you have that connection sometimes you can draw strength from that alone…
I hope that whatever/whoever is in a hard situation- should know Hashem does not let a person suffer for forver and there is ALWAYs a yeshuah…u can even find it in the small things!
b’hazlacha ECLPIS!!
i agree with what you are all saying. I am ALSO a 20 yr old BY girl in shidduchim and im also a L XL- and to all those girls that have been hurt by these boys i tell u this: a) i feel ur pain b) dont let it affect u- u need to have confidence and show that your weight does not define you- it makes u who u r- (more 2 love).
Im telling u it works- if you carry yourself with confidence and self respect the guys LIKE that and they done even notice it…and if they do…well. thats theyre flaw…(and vice versa- if u complain about ur look/ weight and show u x feel comfortable..wich is understandable- they WILL NOTICE THAT Too…I say FAKE IT 2 MAKE IT) you cant change the way they look @ you but you can change the way you feel about yourself…hatzlacha to all my girls out there!!
Gumball- I LIKE!!
I did it, and it worked out ok.
You just have to do wit with the right mindset and intentions.
but i see nothing wrong with it.
if we dont do soemthing about the situation– who will?
(and for those who will comment how hashem is the Shadchan…i kno…hishtadlus people, hishtadlus)
maybe.
Imaofthree- SRSLY?
My nailpolish goes according to my moods..
Fiji’s always a classsic and always looks great.
Minimalistic- a creamy pink purple
AND I LOOOOOOOOVE REDS!!!!
U KNO THAT!!!!
yossi z.- AGREED!!
Todarabba- I say the same thing. I went on a first date w/ a guy 2 a cafe..ok not bad..and pretty soon after- by the third date we were odrering pizza and went to do “fun” stuff…im sure he was trying 2 make me feel comfortable and he prob thought i was there but- i really wasnt, it was actually a little weird and awkward- especially since i lost at everything, and so many other people were watching, and not everyone @ the beginning feels comfotable going public…i think the FUN CAN wait a little, i honestly didnt hava good time by the amusement/fun thing..i enjoyed more of getting to know the person..
so ya, u DONT have to jump into the FUN right away..
Walton157- I agree!
but is’nt is sad that bec of the “shidduch crises” and pressure some girls decide to turn the other cheek and let things like that go?
And i would even call it selfish- i would call it some decent self respect..no one should be treated in a manner they shouldn’t.
maybe people should start thinking for themselves instead of blaming teachers…all systems arent perfect…but their mistakes should be your victories..meaning, u c something wrong with the way your learning- change it…but no one is gonna go over to the countless ranting teachers…just do wat you gotta do- and be the best u can!
cofeefan:
im laughing so hard…i kno its not funny 2 go through that!
Its really not nice when they do that.
And BOYS TAKE NOTES…a/o who a mother reading this- relay this 2 your sons…
NP! just speaking the truth…and of experince!
bygirl93- yes it is VERY imprtant he has good middot bec @ the end of the day wen ur married 2 the person all other materialistic things can/will fade…money, looks, charm… and you dont know what the future holds and u need those middos to pullu through whatever may come ur way.
BUT, ont he other hand (speaking as a girl) U NEED 2 b attracted to him- im not saying u should be drooling, and you cant breathe bla bla bla…but there is a concept where looks/lust brings you to a certain area of attraction thereby growing, and getting to know the person, (if its of real quaity) respecting them and then truly loving them.(but after a while the smoke screen of looks and charm fade and you can see them for who they really are and if they have no real qualities or middot then you can walk away- before its too late)
so yes, attraction is important- BUT NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!
And dont be fooled by looks either! It goes both ways!
Here goes my list
(and i x hav that many expectations)
1) CLEAN clothes (DUH?!)
2) SMELL NORMAL
3) The car should’nt smell or be dirty (cigarettes, old food, feet)
4) Come on time, and if your running late be resp. and call
5) Open doors (of course)
6) Dont sit and darshan the whole time, yes- we like torah…but u x havta give us a shuir ON A DATE…a little d’var torah is okay..but dont push it
7) Dont mention: weight…or things a girl might get insulted or be sensative to..(this one guy didnt stop telling me how his mother is a size 0..it was pretty weird and uncomfotable)
8) Try not to act as awkard or as weird as possible…
9) Oh, use MOUTHWASH..gum (YES, we CAN smell from across the seat)
10) Dont call your parents when your at the girls house 2 tell them u got there (really happen)
11) Plan ahead 1-2 place 2 go BEFORE you go on a date..get directions BEFORE…dont call your friend on the phone and ask where to go (also happened)
12) DONT BE A WALL!! TALK!! ( I was on a date and the guy just sat there all quiet for like ten minutes leaving me yapping/ as i was trying to deplete the massive awkwrdness and silence..wen i asked him why he was so quiet he said the following: “i learned that wen someone is talking i shud b quiet”!!?!!—Guys, DONT do or say that)
13) If your on a date and u see right away she is not for you (and this goes for girls as well) DO NOT BE RUDE! Dont act like u wanna run home..its a chilul hashem too, by treating s/o like that..we’ve all had dates like that, but u gotta put yourself together and FAKE IT!! BE A MENTCH!!
14) low music in the car would be nice
…..
15) and when you drop her off DONT ZOOOM away until you see the door close!!